we'll never really know each other, will we?

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I'm still fairly new here, but already made some friends and really enjoy my interaction with everyone here a lot. :)

I've gotten into some really in-depth conversations with some of the girls here, both in the public forums and in PM/e-mail. Some very revealing things have been shared. But who am I communicating with? I'll never meet any of these people... they'll never meet me. It is very strange. This, for me, is completely unique to this forum... or more accurately, unique to being a crossdresser living in a society that generally frowns on this kind of existence.

I can't tell you how much I'd love to meet another crossdresser in person - one who's personal interest and style in crossdressing is very close to my own. At the same time, I'm far too worried about the potential negative consequences of such a meeting, and so I'm not even close to being ready for that. Sure, many crossdressers have met up with each other and enjoyed good times, but I think many of us are not ready for that. Only a handful are comfortable enough to share real names with everyone and I applaud your bravery.

People I call friend... I don't know their real names. They don't know mine. If any one of us drops of the face of the planet, who will know?

I really pour my heart out at times - both on the forum and off. Don't really know who I'm sharing such intimate conversations with, yet I feel as if I know them very well at the same time.

Just sharing some feelings. Been a cd all my life, but only started chatting with other cd's online less than two months ago. This super-secrecy aspect of it is still a little weird to me. I understand why things are they way they are, but it is strange, don't you think?

So much genuine friendship and compassion sleeping in the same bed with heightened paranoia and fear. People reaching out to help their sisters... but only from behind that magic safety cloak their internet device of choice provides.

Such is the life of a crossdresser in this day and age, I guess. At least for this one, for now.

I don't really know who you gals are out there, but I love you just the same. I'll be here when you need me, and I know you will too. Perhaps that is all that matters. :)

[lynette135]

Birth name
Leonard Hunter ucky I like Lynette so much better because thats who Iam !
Am I brave no not really I just dont care I dont hide the fact to anyone Im a cd !
I love and live my life for me ! And Me only !
Thanks to all The Great Ladies here in cd.com !
I do know the feeling of the unknow Faces here ,But thats life as we know it I guess !
Best Place on the net to meet new people and I have loved being a part of this forum !
Lynette Hunter
Hemet ca
stop by and give me a hug or a hand shake !
God Dont make Junk !

[Karren H]

Karren - K + W!! lol and I have a couple close crossdressing friends locally that I have lunch with in drab... our kids went to the same school system so we have much more that crossdressing in common!! :)

[Tizabet]

Hi. I'm Chloe Elise Tisdale, previously Tye Eugene Campbell. Nice to meet you.

The topics are different, and yes, there are secrecy issues for some, but otherwise, is this really so different from any other online community? It's not super likely that you'll meet in real life, but it can happen, and it does. As for being missed, it depends on the individual, I guess, but I see people disappear from different communities all the time, and if they were known at all, then people notice.

I've even experienced this one on the receiving side. There's one community in particular, where I was known before I started transitioning, but that I left temporarily due to a variety of issues. Some time later I returned, but decided to just make a new account and be the new me. Anyway, one day, a conversation sparked about whet ever happened to me. It was really strange, but it was sort of a wakeup call that our online relationships online are really no less real than our "live" ones, as long as that's how we treat them.

[beenherelongtime]

interesting, i would not hesitate to meet you, although that is unlikely now that i've moved from florida. in person i would give my real name, but as i told you, the internet scares me because i am not that good on it and if you post your real name you never know who or when it can be acquired. whereas we are not afraid to share our feelings or this or similar forums, the need to keep it from our spouse, children, coworkers, friends is sometimes necessary.

[BeckiB]

Never is a very long time. I have met a lot of girls either going out or going to conventions. I highly recommend the convention route. My first was southern comfort and I still remember how it felt to see all those girls. A year before that I would have agreed with the Never meet anyone comment.

[Sheila]

well so far I have met 7 people from the forum, the most important meeting being with being Deborah Jane ......... well important enough that i am gonna marry her on Oct 21st :D

[Jodi]

I have had the chance to meet over a dozen girls from this board. All very nice people. Have also had the chance to meet one gg, and that was Sherlyn's lovely lady Di.

To meet people, you can't spend your life hiding behind a tree.

Jodi

[MJ]

i have had the pleasure of meeting many girls from this site and yes i know both names but we meet the the femme side and what a wonderful pleasure it is.

as for me my Birth name was Paul cannon now officially Marissa Jennifer cannon i love this site and all the lady's and gentlemen here.

i never knew there were so many like minded souls out there and proud to call this my home :hugs:

[Carly D.]

I feel the same way.. I can't imagine ever having the opportunity to meet another cross dresser, or what I would do or say to that person.. I think it would have to be a chance meeting.. just a fluke.. but in the same way thinking about the off chance possibility of going to a costume party or Halloween party dressed up and a lot of men cross dressing would I feel like there are a lot of cross dressers there or a lot of guys taking this opportunity to dress this way.. or are they all closeted cross dressers like me?? or just wearing to have a night like that...

[TxKimberly]

I used to assume I'd never meet anyone from here either. In fact, early on I posted some things that were a good deal more honest and candid than I really would have posted had I ever expected to meet anyone here. Well, a few years later and I've now met somewhere around 15 or 20 of the people from this forum and every single meeting was a positive experience. :-)
Don't assume you will never meet another, or even another from here. It would take so little effort on your part if you really do want to meet someone. "North East, USA" doesn't narrow it down much for us, but I'd be willing to bet there are quite a few of us 100 miles or less from you right now. :-)

[Angie G]

That is all that really matters Gabrielle good friend even if you don't really knoe them.:hugs:
Angie

[Nicki B]

IME, it's perfectly possible to get a good feel for someone who posts a lot - even if they're trying to 'put on' a persona, they leave loads of clues about their real self..

It's true that no other human interaction is like finally meeting in person someone who's posted many of their thoughts - the one thing you don't know is what they actually look (and sound) like? That's the complete opposite of normal, where we judge so much of a person by appearance.. :sad:


I'll never meet any of these people... they'll never meet me. It is very strange.

Only if you choose not to? It's perfectly possible to get off your bottom and travel - there are plenty of past threads here describing how people have met up, whether at conventions or by making special visits? :strugglin

[JenniferR771]

Kim is right. Mention your local area or where you are traveling. And it is possible to meet nearby members for coffee, after you have had a few discussions by private message of course. You have to take a chance--if you expect others to meet you.

[Samantha B L]

I have made lots of freinds in the forum and I actually do know many of their real names and where they live. Right now I live in very nice disabled and elderly housing with my Mom who is 87. I'm not real anxious to see her go but later on,come what may, I will be able to do some traveling and meet some of these people and also to dress a little more openly. But as it is I am not completely closeted and most of my freinds know I'm "Samantha". I don't mind giving out my real name to any of my sisters but I'd rather do it in a pm or email because some of the forum threads can be accessed without a password. Most of the lurkers are freindly but you can't always tell. One thing that I find to be rather bittersweet and it can't be helped,it's just the breaks, that people gradually come and go from things like this forum and they die from illnesses or accidents and there just isn't any way,in most of the cases,to ever track down and find out what happened. But that's life. What's that Grateful Dead song about that "fountain that was not made by the hands of man"?

[Wenda]

I think we need to be mindful to not be reckless, but we should try to make connections when we can. for example, I had a nice PM from a sister in Saskatoon, which I accidentally deleted:eek:. If she reads this :)and can contact me, we will still be on for coffee.:) w.

[Legs]

Gabrielle and any others here for that matter,

I have met several sisters from the net and have yet to regret any meetings.

I have to say I have enjoyed each visit each time, and would love to meet them and or you or anyone anytime we got the chance.

Meeting ppl in RT is much different than online, it makes the friendship that much better and "Real".

As for my real name, many of my friends from the net know both my male and female names, some I have met in person, and some only via e-mail, or phone, and of course sites like this, however my real name is not something I post out in the open for obvious reasons, but sharing with someone I have become friends with over time and in a more private method then yes.

Get out there, life is too short.

Huggggggggggs
Samantha

[erica12b]

i have yet to meet anyone from the forum , but i still have hope , and some day my nerves will let me[ i hope]

[Kate Simmons]

As Nicki said, we pretty much get to know others by what they say. As far as meeting someone in person, I've met several folks from the Forum and have never been disappointed whether they were dressed or not.:)

[Kaz]

Agree with what everyone has said so far. It is a paradox though isn't Gabrielle? What is really attractive and helpful about the site is that it is anonymous... we can be who we want to be without any real fear. Many of us are worried about what some people think. But it is also frustrating, as it can sometimes seem a somewhat "artificial" world.

So far I have met some nice really nice people who I am beginnging to feel a very close bond with, even though we haven't met "in the flesh". Would I meet people for real...? yeah, of course I would. I would love to.

As others have said, you can get a feel for people through these conversations and posts - it may seem artificial and a bit of an act at times, but we are all genuine real people. And these threads and private messages can build relationships that do not rely on some of the prejudices and barriers that are out there in the "real" world.

Enjoy...!

Love Kaz xx

[Sheila]

oooppps just realised I have met 8 peeps from the forum .. forgot my Sis :doh::doh:

[Jess_cd32]

I'm still fairly new here, but already made some friends and really enjoy my interaction with everyone here a lot. :)

I'd have to say likewise with you Gabrielle, glad to have you as one:)


I've gotten into some really in-depth conversations with some of the girls here, both in the public forums and in PM/e-mail. Some very revealing things have been shared. But who am I communicating with?

You are communicating with the real person but its our female personas', you do know our names, this is who we are. My male mode is really insignificant here, unless you wanna talk welding or hotrods or old school Harleys:)



I can't tell you how much I'd love to meet another crossdresser in person - one who's personal interest and style in crossdressing is very close to my own. At the same time, I'm far too worried about the potential negative consequences of such a meeting, and so I'm not even close to being ready for that.

I feel exactly the same, eventually I would like to meet another cd or more in person.




People I call friend... I don't know their real names. They don't know mine. If any one of us drops of the face of the planet, who will know?

I've thought about that recently myself, i was thinking of telling my SO when the time comes if anything did happen let my friends know on this forum


I really pour my heart out at times - both on the forum and off. Don't really know who I'm sharing such intimate conversations with, yet I feel as if I know them very well at the same time

you are getting to know the real us, but again it is our female persona you are getting to know, and its a very real part of us, it is us.




So much genuine friendship and compassion sleeping in the same bed with heightened paranoia and fear. People reaching out to help their sisters... but only from behind that magic safety cloak their internet device of choice provides.

Such is the life of a crossdresser in this day and age, I guess. At least for this one, for now.

I don't really know who you gals are out there, but I love you just the same. I'll be here when you need me, and I know you will too. Perhaps that is all that matters. :)

Anytime you need a shoulder or support just ask, personally I think your a great addition to this forum and I know I love having you here and communicating with you. Hope I gave some food for though in my response:hugs:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Wouldn't it nice to have a NATIONAL CONVENTION where we ALL could come

and meet each other in person and stay enfemme for at least a week. It is

an IDEA

JoAnne Wheeler

[Sara Jessica]

The friendship tie-in from above...Erica and I talked about how much more rewarding it is to go out with friends than to go solo. This is certainly something I've mentioned before and totally subscribe to. Erica said that one thing in these pages you don't see is once we take the steps to get out in the world, it becomes absolutely boring after several trips. I have found this to be so true and am so lucky to have friends in the community to share good times with.



My quote above if from a thread I entered a couple days ago and it seems appropriate to what you are talking about. I am blessed to have several dear friends in the community, two who I met at a support/social group meeting (one of whom I see just about monthly), another from the east coast who I met through her blog and yet another who I know pretty well through these pages but like you describe Gabrielle, it's likely to remain a long distance friendship unless there's some serious relocation or travel involved. And this doesn't count many of the neat gals in the social group who I have also gotten to know better and can count on them as friends along with a local dear friend who I no longer have contact with because she has made the difficult decisions regarding her transition plans (but I still miss her greatly).

All of this came about because I stepped out into this wonderful world, along with participation in this forum as well. In that case, the internet can be both a magical way to connect as well as a shield to hide behind. It all depends on how you choose to use it. My friends know a lot about me. They may not be aware of my real name or exactly where I live but they still know the real me because this is what I share with them. And going back to my quote, flying solo in girl mode for so long was no doubt important to my personal growth but at the end of the day, it became quite boring...especially when compared with the joy of interacting with like minded friends.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I don't know where to start. I guess I should start by saying thank you (everyone) so much for caring enough to read my rather long-winded tread-starting post AND taking the time to share you thoughts with me. :)

I read through this entire thread with a big smile on my face. I wish I could have been a part of the continuing conversation, but so far I'm experiencing some severe free-time deficits this weekend (not to mention NO femme time yet). :(

I want so much to respond to every post that was replied to my initial post. So many good points brought up by everyone. So many things I'd like to say about all of them... but at the risk of writing a small novel, I know I can't reply like that. Who's really going to read my 6-page response? lol

I've had kind of a rough week on the home front. Last night, I was feeling down and just started writing down my thoughts about where all this is leading - I mean, becoming good friends with so many people that I'd love to meet, but never really will (which really means not ready to yet). Still feels a little weird though - the whole secrecy thing. That is unique (for me) to the cd-community.

I should not have used the word "never" in my initial post. That's "Gabe" talking. Gabrielle knows better. Sometimes my protective voice of reason warns me too stringently about taking certain risks in my life. Still working on that balance.

Life is change and I'm evolving every day. From the days of darkness and self-hatred, I've learned to accept who I am and even love who I am. I went from hiding my little secret from my wife to sharing and exploring it with her. From a self-imposed (cd) solitude I ventured online to interact with people like me... and it really changed me in ways I didn't expect. It is still changing me. It's a little scary, but I like what is happening. It feels right. I've never felt "right" before, but something new is happening in my life. I'm learning more about myself every day, and even had the opportunity to help a few cd's with their own problems. I'd like to think I can spread a little sunshine in the lives of others. :)

Right now, today, I am not ready to meet another cd in person. I want to very much, but I know I'm not ready. Even my wife knows. We discuss this in great detail. I first have to venture out into public en femme before I even consider meeting up with another cd in person. My wife and I are planning Gabrielle's first outing to hopefully take place in a few months. A somewhat complicated life, full of restrictions, prevents me from going out any sooner. :(

I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably only be comfortable meeting another cd in person while I'm en femme, regardless of how the other is dressed. I'm also leaning toward meeting a couple (cd & their SO), along with my wife for a first meet. That is why my location on the map remains vague right now. It's on purpose. I want to meet very much... but not before I know I'm ready.

The time will come when I will be responding to posts (that are similar to my thread-starter) in a very similar way that many of you responded to mine. Thank you all so much for of your sharing, encouragement, and genuinely caring for your friend Gabrielle. My love back to each one of you. :)

[Tasha McIntyre]

I met another member of this forum a few months ago at a coffee shop to say hi, which I never thought I could do - EVER. Both of us in male mode, and although a bit confronting for me, everything went really well, the earth didn't collapse.

The thing about chatting in depth about things is that I feel I have to know them pretty well by reading lots of their posts. If I feel we have something to offer each other, apart from "wow you look great" bit, than I'll initiate contact or respond accordingly. Just part of my defence mechanism I suppose.

I must say, that in every instance the experience has been overwhelmingly positive. It's very .... what's the word ... confonting I suppose, or liberating if you like, to chat about CD things to another person.

Like you say though, we are




People reaching out to help their sisters... but only from behind that magic safety cloak their internet device of choice provides.






Thanks for the great post Gab.

Cheers

Tash :)

[izzfan]

Unfortunately, I have never knowingly met another CD before [ I'd be surprised if I've never met one when they were in "Bob Mode" or still in the closet, I mean statistically, it's very likely]. I have met someone who is transitioning but under the circumstances, I couldn't really discuss anything about my own CDing/TG issues with her because when I met her, I was with a group of people (my family and some of their friends) who I am still mostly in the closet to, also she had probably been asked numerous questions about her transition/gender by numerous people before and I didn't want to annoy her.

Personally, I don't know whether I would feel ready to meet another CD. In some ways it would be great because before I first heard of Eddie Izzard and found forums such as this one [I'm also on the UK Angels and a mostly non-CDing related forum], I thought that I was the only person who enjoyed crossdressing. Although I am no longer totally in the closet, I am still in there to a large extent and I would feel kind of nervous about giving out my real name on here. However, in some ways I do not feel ready to meet another CD in person (unless possibly, we were both in "bob mode") because I know very little about make-up and fashion [I wouldn't be able to pass very well] and I'd be too nervous to go out en femme (except on occasions where I could come up with a convincing excuse such as on Halloween if anyone asked me about it).

Then there is also the issue of personality, while I can be quite feminine sometimes, I can also be very masculine and it is almost impossible to predict how I might be feeling weeks in advance, I'd hate to arrange a meeting with another CD and then turn up feeling very masculine.

[Nicki B]

However, in some ways I do not feel ready to meet another CD in person (unless possibly, we were both in "bob mode")

Speaking for myself, I wouldn't ever meet anyone to begin with other than when I'm a girl - I want their first impressions to be of the real me, not of the front I otherwise have to put on?

They can meet 'him' later if need be, but they have to understand what drives me and who I am?

Ask Jae (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/member.php?u=54497).. :heehee:


Had you thought of going to Sparkle (http://www.sparkle.org.uk/)? Also, I can put you in touch with groups that meet in Leeds, Sheffield or Hull?

[docrobbysherry]

There r some wonderful folks here. Whether u know who they r in everyday life, is NOT as important as when they allow u to know what they stand for here. And with a few, u can sense what their personalities r like.
There a some here I would REALLY like to meet. Even if it was just one time! It makes me VERY SAD, to think I mite NEVER meet them!:sad:

It would be arrogant of me to call them "friends". However, I wish they were! :hugs:

[Kelsy]

I have met some girls from this forum. they were some of the nicest people I have met. It has been awhile since I have had any face to face with another cd and where I live, getting out is nearly impossible. I cherish the friends i have made here!!! I do understand the talking to the wall feeling but I think you can get the same feeling from talking on the phone! IMO nothing like being there!!!

Kelsy:)

[Jess_cd32]

.......There are some here I would REALLY like to meet. Even if it was just one time! It makes me VERY SAD, to think I mite NEVER meet them!:sad:

I'd love nothing more Doc than seeing you at a party, you'd be the life of it that I know and have us all laughing in stiches:heehee:


.......It would be arrogant of me to call them "friends". However, I wish they were! :hugs:

Time to get arrogant then Sher, I didn't send you a friends request long ago for sh*ts and giggles:hugs: We're all basically family here, we just haven't gotten to know eachother all yet.

[Jean Ann S]

I would suggest going to some of the National conventions
Perhaps first positing on here that you will be attending
Another thought is that we should perhaps be planning a get together
of some type for forum members in real life ? or perhaps a # of regional events
I am a member of another group that does that annually

Jean Ann

:battingeyelashes:

[kathrynjanos]

Hi Gabrielle,

I live in the Northeast, specifically lower Westchester County, NY and near NYC. If you're reasonably in my area, I'd be happy to meet up with you sometime for coffee or lunch. Even a museum if you're in the city! I'm not a public dresser yet - I need to better my makeup skills and get some public clothing. But I hope to have that stuff ready for spring, so if you want to chat online for a bit and get to know each other beforehand, feel free to hit me up, honestly. PM me.

Truth be told, I'm even finding the desire for similar companionship lately. I cannot WAIT until spring! Oh, and my name's Matthew, but Janos is not my last name. I can't really post that yet because I'm seeking a job.

[linnea]

We may already know some of our CD sisters.

[Michelle_Tokyo]

I have been on Bulletin Boards for years now for various interests (all the others are significantly more mundane though) and I know that face-to-face meets are the natural evolution of an online community. BE it a theme meeting such as “all the people in XYZ city” or whatever, there are a billion reasons to meet. I have friends going back absolutely years that started as online faceless personas.

I just arrived on this forum yesterday but ad so glad to have discovered this lovely place. CDing can be such a lonely part of our lives that I have recently decided to longer let that be the case for me. I want to meet people. I live in Tokyo and anytime you gals are out my way I would love to meet up./ My favorite time is in the U.S. though where I travel to a few times a year. I star out from the moment I leave the apartment fully dressed for my flight and right the way through the trip whether it be 3 days or a week.

I really hope to meet many of you face to face, share a glass of wine in the bar dressed to the nines, and just celebrate this beautiful thing that is our true femininity. I want people to know me as a woman and I know already that you gals here are the ones that I can innately trust with that truth first.

Still working on my post count so cannot PM yet but I will look forward to future chats with more of you and to meeting you face to face.

Hugs,

Michelle

[StaceyJane]

Once long ago I met with a CD from a local support group. We had a good talk but I wasn't able to join the group at that time. A few years later I was at a food court at a local mall and I saw her. I was with my family this time. I hate to say it but I was thinking "I hope she doesn't reconize me" and "I hope she doesn't come over here". If she reconized me or not she didn't say or do anything and I was relieved.