I really want to change my gender but I need some advice..

[Senna]

Hi, everyone my name is Senna and that will be my real name if I ever change genders. I am a 19 year old male and I hate being a guy. Even though I have done a lot of research on how can become a girl I have one problem. I still live with my parents and I don't know how I should tell them. My mom and I never get along very well so I have no clue what she will say and I have no clue how my Dad will take it since I hardly talk to him anyway. Please if anyone has some advice about how I should tell my family it would help.

[SirTrey]

Hi, everyone my name is Senna and that will be my real name if I ever change genders. I am a 19 year old male and I hate being a guy. Even though I have done a lot of research on how can become a girl I have one problem. I still live with my parents and I don't know how I should tell them. My mom and I never get along very well so I have no clue what she will say and I have no clue how my Dad will take it since I hardly talk to him anyway. Please if anyone has some advice about how I should tell my family it would help.


Hi Senna,
One thing you should definitely do is arm yourself with a LOT of information to show them....Download/bookmark articles, the more information, the better....Do it as gently as possible, this is definitely something you don't want to just blurt out....Just know going in that some people take news like this better than others....and, for your parents, it is a very devastating thing at first to realize that the child they thought they had is not the child they actually DO have....Try to be patient with them and let them get used to it...Also, be really sure before you DO tell people....This isn't something you want to lay on them if you are not 100% sure....and....if you are not sure, but you want to tell them something, you might want to tell them that this is something you are exploring and think might be you, but you aren't sure yet....You have the right to be you and to expect people to allow you to BE yourself without penalizing you for it....but it's definitely something that needs handled gently....Good Luck to you....**Trey**

[Karen564]

Since your young still, my suggestion to you is, that you may want to try to discuss what your feeling now or have been feeling in the past with your parents, and would like to seek some professional medical advice about it to see whats wrong, and then keep them informed or even better, have them go with you so they can hear it 1st hand from the professionals mouth, and this way they may come to terms with it better comming from a doctor, than you just telling them you want to change genders, that way it wont come off like you just made a snap decision about it.. and this way you'll also be sure this is what you really want too.. this is not something you can reverse if you go all the way.

Karen

[Melissa A.]

Hi Senna,

I know I often sound like I'm repeating myself over and over, but this is one of the reasons transexuals are required to see a therapist first. It's not that we are, in any way, more in need of therapy simply because we are trans. But Aside from seeing a gender theapist to be sure this is who you are, few of us escape childhood without some issues related to to GID. One of those issues is often (but certainly not always) relationships with family members. Most of the advice you'll get here, regarding patience, being informative, letting it sink in, etc., are useful. But we don't know the specific situation you're in. And we're really not qualified to tell you the best approach for it. It seems from your short description that you already have some difficulty relating to both parents. If I tell you to do this a certain way, then they blow up on you, which is more than likely no matter what you do at this point, has following my advice helped you? If I could tell you one thing, it would be: No matter how you handle this, don't do it tomorrow, or next week, and stop stressing about it, for now. You need to be at a point where you're sure of yourself, and ready for any reaction, knowing in your heart that whatever reaction they give you, it's THEIR reaction, and has very little to do with you. The more confidence and self-assuredness you convey, whether you're telling parents, siblings, friends, or coworkers, the more that rubs off on them. That just can't be done going in cold, Or saying something simply becuase you are "busting" to. Do yourself a favor-you are still quite young-take your time- work on you. Find a way to get some therapy and professional advice from someone who knows you, and your situation. In the long run, all your outcomes will be better. That's my advice. I wish you the best of luck and alot of strength.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[carolinoakland]

Hi Senna, just know this, each and everyone of us late in lifer's wish that we'd been as strong as you are now. I ask that you seek some threrpist's help with your gender issue's and help on how to tell you're parents. Anything would be better than sitting there at my age saying " I wish I'd...." Do it. We''ve done the work, you can live the life. Be free, be happy. And breathe. Carol

[GypsyKaren]

Just a thought, but if you don't get along, why worry about it?

Karen :g2:

[Melissa A.]

Alot of transpeople have terrible or non-existant relationships with their parents. We all know that. That doesn't mean it's ok. It's always a sad thing. There is absolutely no reason why a young person should assume it's not worth trying to make things work, or facilitate it herself by not worrying about it, or ignoring them when taking this life-altering step. My god, that is so flippant. We don't know all of the details, why they don't communicate well(not uncommon), or if they really don't get along or not. This isn't some friend or neighbor. She should worry about it, eventually, when she's ready and able to, for the simple reason that it's her parents, for chrissake.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Jessinthesprings]

I really like the idea Karen presented with going to a therepist. You will need one anyway. Do some research into to some local ones that have experiance in the issue. You might also find a local gender group. If there is no specific trans group in your area many PFLAG organizations welcome trans members with open arms. Lastly you will never know their reaction. Perhaps the distance is not nessicarly them, but you. Trying to be a boy at home is probably not doing you any favors and you are walking around the house pretending to be someone you are not. Letting this out (i'm not suggesting doing it rashly without careful thought) might bring you together as you are no longer having to live a lie. I know how that feels since I talked to my wife about this we have been closer. But, they could just as easily disown you. As many parents in our community have. Being 19 you can move out. I would prepair for that possibility by looking for a place to go. I really hope that does not happen, but I cannot think of anything worse than pouring your heart and soul out only to suddenly live in a place of hostility or even worse homelessness.

[Raquel June]

The best thing you can do is try to get your life together and not obsess too much about being TS.

When I graduated HS I moved away from my parents. It was the best thing I ever did as far as beginning to live the way I wanted to. Get a job, go to trade school, or get a student loan and go to college, but make sure you have the right priorities. Life takes money. Hormones and health insurance and surgery and therapy take even more money.

[emily_21]

I am waiting until I am done with school and I have somewhat of an idea on what I'll be doing with my life.

[Steph Butterfield]

If in USA visit TransFamily http://www.transfamily.org/index.html

or TransYouth Family Allies http://imatyfa.org/

if UK based Mermaids http://www.mermaids.freeuk.com/

or Tavistock Clinic http://www.tavi-port.org/patient/tavistock-clinic/patient-services-and-departments/gids.html


for any teen trans or gender varient kids


Stephanie