Therapist?

[Susan G]

Has any of you been seen by a Therapist for Crossdressing? I was wondering how it went. I am considering this action for further understanding. I see there are Gender Indentity Therapists. I am not interested in leaving this Life-style, because this is "so me" and who I am. :battingeyelashes:

[Jess_cd32]

I never have but I would think a good one could have a good understanding of us. There are some here that have and you will hear their experiences.

[JenniferR771]

I was not satisfied. My wife's therapist told her I had a sexual addiction. Counselor I went to borrowed a book from me. He had none of his own. Many have no clue. Get a referral from another cd or online recommendations. Perhaps you want a gender therapist. Be sure to look at his/her list of specialties and if it does not include something to go with gender difficulties--shop around.

[JOJO44]

If the therapist has a history of working with not against the patient, it might help. But I have problems with those that have an agenda of their own (Pretty much psychiatry in general).:hugs::2c:

[MissConstrued]

I am not interested in leaving this Life-style, because this is "so me" and who I am. :battingeyelashes:


Then why waste your time and money on shrinks? Go buy more clothes! :)



But I have problems with those that have an agenda of their own (Pretty much psychiatry in general).


I go to my job every day for a paycheck, not the good of humanity.

[Samantha B L]

Susan, I may as well come out and say it since I'm under my fem user name in the forum and not my real name so I feel less hesitant in bringing this up. I have some experience with therapists and other kinds of mental health professionals for reasons other than crossdressing. Although the situation has improved a great deal over the years there are still some counselars,psychologists,etc.who don't have any expertise in LGBT or TG/TS/CD matters. Crossdressing isn't mental illness. So if I were you I wouldn't worry about it. Susan,you don't sound to me as though you need to see a therapist. I think a therapist would probably just ask you a few prelimenary questions or maybe have you fill out some kind of questionaire. then he/she would sit down with you(psychiatrist and phd psychologist's offices only have "hypnosis" couches in the movies)and use some kind of ploy like asking more questions or maybe sitting there silently for awhile to get you to say what's on your mind. I think that a good therapist would surely see after a few minutes went by that you aren't psychiatrically sick. Some therapists would try to change the subject concerning the crossdressing or maybe they would have some kind of klinker about it but they can't put you in the nuthouse for CD'ing. All in all, I think most therapists would probably tell you after 15 or 20 minutes went by that they just can't find anything the matter with you but that they've enjoyed meeting you and chatting for awhile. So maybe they'll be nice and they won't bill you $50. Instead of giving a psycholgist $50 why not go shopping instead As Miss Construed pointed out!

[kimberly ann487]

First and foremost find a therapist/counselor who is knowledgeble of cd's problems. You'll find that a good one will have you working on your relationships,with your SO primarily, not tring to "cure" you. We are no more crazy than any other section of the population.:2c:
KIM

[Shari]

All you really need is a good friend who is willing to listen and every once in awhile injecting one of the following questions.

How does that make you feel?

Does that make you happy or angry?

What do you think about that?

How do you think that made he/she feel?

A good shrink lets you talk yourself into the answers.
A bad one gives you medication and says "next please."

[Lana_CD]

My SO and I have been having some communication problems. She doesn't like the way I respond to questions or answers from questions I put to her. She has requested that I seek a marriage counselor for us to go talk to. Not a psycologist, but a counselor.
I do realize that I do not always respond to her in the best ways and am working on it. We have been married for over 30 years and, yes she knows I CD and has for many years. I don't hide it from her.
In serching for a good counselor, I started with the yellow pages and have been caiing the one listed there, asking them about their qualifications and past experiences in dealing with certain issues like transgenderism. So far I have only found 1 with any experience in CD'ing and was not too thrilled with her opinion of us so I crossed her from the list. I will keep on looking as I haven't been able to call all those listed yet.
If you are seriously seeking a therapist or counselor, call them or their office and ask questions before giving them money. Find out what their qualifications are and what their opinions are on the subjects that might come out in your sessions. Research them.

Lana

[nvlady]

Seeing a therapist to cure crossdressing would be the same as seeing a therapist to cure left-handidness. It ain't gonna happen.
The only thing a therapist can do is help you accept the fact that you are a crossdresser, or have brown eyes, or have blonde hair, or etc.

[Teri Jean]

I have not but was considering talking with a professer that I know at my work with the university. She teaches subject matter with life styles and heatlth sciences. I was going to set up a meeting this next week and move from there. Keli

[Eileen]

Susan about the only time a therapist is needed is if you are planing on having surgery. Unless you feel uncomfortable about your crossdessing, the best therapy may well be, as has already been said, going shopping!

Eileen

[tifftg]

I spent a good deal of time working with a therapist in understanding my desire to dress and the implications it would have in my life.

She spent a good deal of time working with the gender community and was willing to work with me whatever direction I wanted to go. More dressing or trying to limit my time enfemme. My needs and desires led the way. Great gender sensitive therapists are there to help you. Good luck in your search.


Tiffany

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=252765&postcount=1

[Shannon]

I think Tiffany described a good therapist -- one that will start with where you are now and help you go in the direction you want (or help you figure out the direction you want).

This may take some searching and some telephone screening of therapist.

[Tora]

There is a couple of informed people who work with U of M in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I can try to get more info if you like. One good woman spoke at a Crossroads Meeting in Detroit a year ago. She did not have much for me, as I think I have come to terms with being a recreational CD'er, who enjoys the time I get to spend, very limited. Family, work seem to take up alot of time. So, unless I win the BIG lottery, I am on a managed course. Sounds like a lot of so called professionals would be learning from us. There is a wide spectrum of this persuit, Cd, Ts,TG, TV are just headings, with many sub-chapters.

[Kendra08]

The one therapist I mentioned being a CD to asked if it was affecting my marriage and of course it was so he told to wear a rubber band on my wrist and snap it whenever I had a thought of dressing. I actually tried this for a week but got tired of people asking why I was wering a rubber band. I never went back to him and I'm glad because I would've ended up with permanently bruised wrists. I would consider this person a bad therapist for gender issues. I found a new one after but never brought this up because I felt so stupid the first time.

[josie_S]

I did see a therapist. Three, actually (i don't have issues, I have VOLUMES, LOL). But my last (and current) one specializes in LGBT issues and so she's been great for me. My breakthrough was her telling me it was 'okay' to crossdress--my guilt was so severe that just hearing that from someone who didn't reject me and understood meant the world to me. I know--why pay someone to tell me what anybody else may have, but that's the thing, I *needed* to feel safe and discreet. Plus that's what insurance is for :P.

So if you find yourself in a similar situation, I'd say do it. But try and find a gender specialist or LGBT specialist; that way there's little 'shock' value for you and your therapist. :)

[Malori Cross]

The second person I told about my crossdressing was a woman therapist I had picked out of the phone book. She was great with it. I'd gone to her soon after I came out to my wife. There were other factors causing marriage stress, so I was basically seeing her for marriage counselling. She was very open minded. Then I stopped seeing her because my wife didn't like her (she went with me to one session). A couple years later I learned my therapist had left that profession to become a minister!

A second woman therapist I went to about 7 years ago (marriage stresses had returned), was also supportive of Malori. She even encouraged me to come "dressed," which I did (just a cowlneck sweater, pink turtleneck & jeans). It was wonderful to find such support. My insurance ran out so I couldn't afford her after a few sessions, but I'd see her again if I felt the need (I have insurance again).

I agree with others here--ask if the therapist has experience with gender identity issues. You don't have to give up your entire clothing budget to get some value from an emathetic counsellor.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

I've been seing a therapist regularly for over 10 years, but not for just crossdressing. I have other issues too and find it quite liberating to get all of my crap out there on a table for someone else to pick through. Its not an easy thing at times, but it has certainly made a difference.

*hugs*

Zarabeth

[kathrynjanos]

Has any of you been seen by a Therapist for Crossdressing? I was wondering how it went. I am considering this action for further understanding. I see there are Gender Indentity Therapists. I am not interested in leaving this Life-style, because this is "so me" and who I am. :battingeyelashes:

:2c: - Simple answer, IMHO: They will be worth it to help you work out in your own mind why you do what you do, how to relate it to family, friends, and the general population at large. Is there a reason why you want to see one? I mean, obviously, but you didn't state it.

I am looking for one myself in the NYC/Westchester area, but I have to wait until I have a job again anyway. In my case though it is to explore transsexual tendencies I've been noticing now, and I want to resolve with the aid of someone who has a better idea of what I should be asking myself and can read my answers for me.

I was told by some of the other people here "If you have to ask..." but I have a tendency to question in search of affirmation of what I already know as much as other people ask because they don't know. So I just need to see.

Basically it comes down to what you want out of them.

[Sarasometimes]

I see a therapist 2 times a month and she has helped me immensely. The group she is at does a lot of GLBT and are aware of the differences. I spent a lot of money educating my previous counselers. What I get from these sessions is a better jnderstanding of who i am and how to make it work within my world. Some may not need or benfit from this but I do.
Qualified therapists can make suggestions about how you can best express this part of you. She has made suggestions about underdressing more, going and getting my wig styled. Trying on clothes, window shopping (money is tight)... Unqualified therapist basically sit listen and add little. They suggested getting a men's manicure or having my male hairstyle conditioned. I am a crossdress dresser not a metrosexual. If I had to do this over I would try and find one by straight out asking what training and experience they have. I just didn't know what a good therapist was before. Do what your heart says and ask outright how they may help you. Good Luck, Sara

[linnea]

You should go if you feel the need, but from your comments I'd say that you have some doubts about going and some doubts about CDing. Doubts about the latter are pretty common and natural for many CDs.

[chrystie]

If you don't think your sick,don't go to the doctor.Old saying,if it aint broke,don't fix it.Chrystie

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Nope - never will - I see no need - have no faith in therapists UNLESS they are long time crossdressers - don't see how they can appreciate what we have gone through and go through each and every day


JoAnne Wheeler

[StaceyJane]

I've been seeing a therapist for awhile about crossdressing mainly to feel better about myself. I think I have made some real progress, I have a great deal more self acceptance which has helped bring myself out more.
My sessions can be quite emotional, sometimes I'm almost crying but I feel so good afterward.
I told my therapist that I liked to be called by my female name stacey and she started to call me that everytime since then.

[susiej]

I recently had a short, but very satisfying series of sessions with a therapist. I consulted her because I had a specific question I needed to work on. My relationship with my current gf wasn't working, and I needed to figure out if my gender-agility was at the root of the problem, and if so, what should I do about it. We met for maybe 10 hours total, and I had my answer.

I agree with earlier posters who say "cd-ing is not a disease, and you're not going to be cured." But there's no doubt that being transgender to some degree or other has an impact on the "rest" of our lives. A therapist can help you cope with and manage the impact.

You should find a therapist with experience in GLBT issues, clearly. I found mine from the Psychology Today website, and chose one who specialized in Gay and Lesbian issues (the website doesn't seem to know that Bi's and TS's exist, grummmpphh).

And, I recommend you go to the therapist with a specific problem you want to deal with, or a specific question you want to answer about yourself. "How far do I want to take this?" -- "Should I stay in the closet, or come out to my SO?" -- "How do I tell her?".

If you can't come up with a question like that, that you can imagine answering in several intimate conversations with a stranger, at a cost of several hundred dollars, then I agree with the other posters in this thread -- you probably don't really have a problem! "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" :) !

Hugs,
Susie

[Susan G]

Your replys have been very Helpful. This is a very Good Website. I did find a GLBT Therapist. My Insurance covers about 90% of the costs. I am going to research the possibilties of future progress. HRT? Also, I wish to relieve some of the stress I feel when I go out Dressed. I too, find calmness when Dressed, and plan on increasing activity out of the house. I am just curious where this will take me, and I look forward to the journey. Thanks again. :)Susan G

[MissConstrued]

If you can't come up with a question like that, that you can imagine answering in several intimate conversations with a stranger, at a cost of several hundred dollars, then I agree with the other posters in this thread -- you probably don't really have a problem! "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" :) !



Reading this triggered something I should have thought of the first time.

I've always believed that the most important qualification for someone to ask for advice is, have they "been there, done that?" It always seemed silly to me that folks in my church would ask a never-married minister for marital advice.

I have been fortunate in my life to have been around so many elders who have done so much with their lives. When I've wanted business advice, I talk to a couple of millionaire businessmen I know. I wouldn't ask someone who's never owned a business.

So it seems to me that anyone who wants life advice on how to deal with crossdressing should ask a crossdresser, not a therapist. Find someone who's been where you are, and is where you want to go.

I've had opportunities -- at dinner parties & such -- to interact with all kinds of people. When I've conversed with psychiatrists and therapists, I'm usually left with the feeling that I wouldn't ask that person for advice about anything -- they're such miserable, unhappy people. This is my experience, mind, and may not be a general rule. But it goes together well, I think, with the fact that the happiest people I know don't go to any kind of doctor whatsoever, for any reason.

Speaking of happiness, I do believe that there are truths about the pursuit of it which are universal. Is there that much difference between a happy motorcycle enthusiast, and a happy stamp collector?

Choose your advisers well.

[kathrynjanos]

I've always believed that the most important qualification for someone to ask for advice is, have they "been there, done that?" It always seemed silly to me that folks in my church would ask a never-married minister for marital advice.

I'm gonna need to argue this... again. Therapists are trained to recognize various issues in the same way a doctor is. So, for example, if you have severe stress or depression, they can recognize it and help you address that and its root causes.

You're right, btw, that most of them are crazier than their patients, but to my mind, that usually comes under the heading of "Takes one to know one." My uncle dates one that is a hoarder - she literally has three LARGE houses in a very upscale town nearby that are all completely filled with junk. Everything from newspapers and furniture to USED food containers! She's off her rocker. You can see it just by looking at her! But she's also probably one of the best therapists in the state.

Basically, if you're at all looking for something other than some form of justification, you shouldn't be actively seeking another CD. Besides which, at that point, it is impossible for the therapist to truly put their own experiences out of their mind while counseling you.

[Sarasometimes]

Nope - never will - I see no need - have no faith in therapists UNLESS they are long time crossdressers - don't see how they can appreciate what we have gone through and go through each and every day


JoAnne Wheeler
So gays need gay therapists, lesbians need lesbian therapists and psycotics need psycotic therapists and lets not forget the paranoid who would need paranoid therapists. I sure am glad I am not paranoid! Were you just looking at me? What?

[Bea A]

I just told my treating psych about it at our last session. He wants to know how we are going to discuss this in the furture. I was encouraged by that. I am looking forward to our next sessin so we can map out where to go from here. But Lisa is here to stay, as long as my wife is supportive.(and she is!)

[Lainie]

I went to a therapist for a series of sessions, a couple of times. Sometimes it just helps to have someone to talk to--face to face--in confidence, and for me there wasn't any other possibility. Eventually I quit because it wasn't resolving anything.

[Susan G]

I was very Lucky and had my 1st appt last week. I have a fantastic Therapist. I already feel the improvement and increased confidence. I had a previous thread "Drs. Appt". My therapist recommended I let my MD now about my Crossdressing. I wrote my MD a letter. I recieved a very Nice, welcoming phone call from my GG MD. All the great insite given from you, my friends, on that previous thread post proved out to be 100% accurate. I find seeing a Therapist Very Help, and highly recommend it to anyone. Thanks. Susan G

[Tomara]

Hi Susan

I am very happy that you found the help and support from a therapist and your MD.
I have found that working with my therapist that you have to want to help yourself for anyone to be able to help you.

Before I started therapy I thought I was strong enough to fix things myself but the problem was that I was stuck in that thinking , I did go to a couple of different ones before I found the one I was comfortable with , but with her guidance she has taught me to look at the whole picture and think outside of my old way of thinking and I learned it works !

I hope that you are able to live your dreams !

:hugs:Tomara

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I searched and found a therapist that does counseling and therapy for TG people. She works for a center called the Papillon center. They do all the services for the transgendered community. So since my feelings lean toward being TS and I 'd like to go forward with my journey, I thought I should talk with someone who could help me answer question's I have. I don't want to make a mistake and I specifically searched for someone that deals with the transgendered, not just a walk in the park garden variety therapist.

I will post next wednesday evening after my appointment, I expect to be on Pink cloud number 9. Kimberly :battingeyelashes:

[Nicki B]

I've always believed that the most important qualification for someone to ask for advice is, have they "been there, done that?" It always seemed silly to me that folks in my church would ask a never-married minister for marital advice.

I have been fortunate in my life to have been around so many elders who have done so much with their lives. When I've wanted business advice, I talk to a couple of millionaire businessmen I know. I wouldn't ask someone who's never owned a business.

So it seems to me that anyone who wants life advice on how to deal with crossdressing should ask a crossdresser, not a therapist. Find someone who's been where you are, and is where you want to go.

Isn't the danger with that, though, that they advise you as if you were them - because that's all they know?

Someone with a breadth of experience is surely important - and it doesn't take long here to realise that we are very different in goals and expectations?

[gretchen2]

Why see a therapist if you are happy with yourself? If you want to know more about your crossdressing then go buy a good book out there in internet land. A cheap therapist will cost you $100 an hr. a good book will cost less than $15. then what do you have? An extra $85 to go buy some really cool girl stuff.

[Kelli Michelle]

...is if you are contemplating hormone treatment. He/she would refer you (if appropriate) to an endo. I agree with the others, and that presupposes, that the therapist does need to have experience in gender issues. Other than that, I, personally, would have no need. I am an intelligent person, who knows himself, and have never felt much need for what they do. I can figure it out for myself. They ARE helpful, if you have no one to talk to, or if a wife/so goes, and needs to hear information from a "reliable" source, or if you yourself need that validation.

[black leotards]

All you really need is a good friend who is willing to listen and every once in awhile injecting one of the following questions.

How does that make you feel?

Does that make you happy or angry?

What do you think about that?

How do you think that made he/she feel?

A good shrink lets you talk yourself into the answers.
A bad one gives you medication and says "next please."

I fully agree. I had a great therapist for a while and she helped me find out more about myself and come to much better understanding and acceptance. I would end up going to our sessions fully dressed (no makeup). She treated me as a person ... nothing more and certainly nothing less.

[Hope]

Reading this triggered something I should have thought of the first time.

I've always believed that the most important qualification for someone to ask for advice is, have they "been there, done that?" It always seemed silly to me that folks in my church would ask a never-married minister for marital advice.

So education has no value? I have always found that it was the fool who learned from experience, and the wise man who learned from the fool.


I have been fortunate in my life to have been around so many elders who have done so much with their lives. When I've wanted business advice, I talk to a couple of millionaire businessmen I know. I wouldn't ask someone who's never owned a business.

So it seems to me that anyone who wants life advice on how to deal with crossdressing should ask a crossdresser, not a therapist. Find someone who's been where you are, and is where you want to go.

I supose if the guidance you are seeking is "which breast-forms are most realistic" or "how do I appply eye-liner" that is probabbly a fine idea... On the other hand if what you are looking for is more along the lines of "How do I intigrate this part of my personality with the rest" or "How do I learn to accept myself for who I am?" a theripist is probabbly the better choice.

The question is whether you are looking for advice (see whoever you want) or looking for help finding your own answers about your own life. We are talking about two different levels on the hierarchy of needs here. Honestly, if you are looking for "advice" or concrete answers about how you should behave / live your life - a therapist is the wrong person to go to.


Why see a therapist if you are happy with yourself? If you want to know more about your crossdressing then go buy a good book out there in internet land. A cheap therapist will cost you $100 an hr. a good book will cost less than $15. then what do you have? An extra $85 to go buy some really cool girl stuff.

Because the answers you are seeking from a book, are pretty significantly different from those you seek from a person.

[Bea A]

I have seen my doc/therapist for other issues since 1991. I told him the 1st session I had after telling my wife. His response was "how to do you want to proceed with this?" Just went to a session yesterday and we decided that it is way too early to make any decisions (just came out in Dec08). My emtions change by the minute, so now is not the time to decide where I am with all of this. Get some time with them under your belt. It may cost you some $$$, but the peace of mind is worth it to me. You have to get a "fit" with your therapist, if it doesn't .. move on. But I think the benefits outweigh the potential disadvantages. :thumbsup:

[Desiree2bababe]

Yes, I did, during my late teens. Helped me understand I was not alone and why I did what I did.

[Vieja]

Golly Susan if you're not interested in changing your life style Why see a therapist? It seems like a collossal waste of time and money that could be put to a better use.

Vieja

[Susan G]

Golly Susan if you're not interested in changing your life style Why see a therapist? It seems like a collossal waste of time and money that could be put to a better use.

Vieja

I found, after just one meeting, that a lot of improvement/options are out there. One thing, is Greater confidence. The pursuit of HRT, requires 3 months of Therapy, is another route to investigate. Basically, I find I feel much Better about myself and what I desire and need. Insurance covers a lot of the costs, to me, it is a Great value. The Knowledge and Understanding is very Helpful. For me, this has already been a huge Success. Now, my MD is aware, and she also has been very Supportive. I was very concerned about this before. Thank You to all for all of your comments. This is a Fantastic Website! Susan G :)

[kellycan27]

I was seeing mine once a week for about 2 years. Now I see her maybe once a month or once every two months. In all honesty she pobably saved my life. You say that you don't want to change.. are you having other issues having to do with crossdressing?

[Stephanie-L]

I was lucky in finding a therapist who was LGBT friendly on my first try. I went to her not to fix my CDing, but to learn how to deal with it in relation to my marriage. The answer for me was I can't. My wife is so unaccepting that if I want to be happy as a CD I will probably need to get a divorce, if I want to be happy with my marriage I will need to give up CDing. Anyway, she was very helpful in the aspect of me accepting myself, and was quite willing to refer me for hormones or even a breast augmentation if I wanted it (which I do but....) My only problem was that she kind of pushed me towards divorce and I don't think I am ready for that yet, but I think she is probably right, it is going to turn out the only way for me to stay sane and happy. Good luck and if this first one doesn't work out try another.......Stephanie

[Joni Beauman]

I tried - also in the Midwest - but the experience was poor. My therapist, a male, was totally clueless and unprepared. It was a waste of my time - three sessions and I did not go back. So, I am very glad to hear of positive insights from other therapists. Joni

[kathrynjanos]

...it is going to turn out the only way for me to stay sane and happy.

Stephanie,

I'm sorry to hear that you're so likely to get a divorce. It seems that some people are so set on "changing" their SO, they ignore the fact that they are driving them away just as much.

Unfortunately, it seems that your therapist is right. Usually I feel that they shouldn't try to push you to get a divorce, that's your decision alone, and without knowing more, it's impossible to say whether she's right or wrong. That said, it is possible for your wife to accept your CDing, regardless of how badly she rejects it now. It is not truly possible for you to stop CDing, or at least having the urge to. I think your therapist may just be trying to protect you.

Good luck!