Looking at yourself

[Kayla Shadows]

A question that I am very seldom asked is,how do you feel about yourself.The general how are you just isnt direct enough to surface what needs to be asked from time to time.Thoughts change,hearts change,and it is good to get people to talk so we know where they are at.Tomarrow,next week or next month isnt soon enough.

So..how do you feel about yourself?

Do you still think there is something wrong with you? Do you hate who you are? Have you accepted yourself yet?

I'll keep this short for now but I will answer and respond.
:hugs:

If you are reading this and not a member here,please join us.

[Tracii G]

I am fine and I have accepted who I am.Thanks for asking.LOL
Really life is good from where I veiw it.
Having a femme side makes life very interesting don't you think?

[matrioshka]

To answer your question:

I feel pretty good about myself. I've accepted that this is part of me, and I don't hate myself.

And I know there's nothing wrong with me. The rest of the world on the other hand....

Katrina

[karinels]

I might be one of the few to admit no, I'm not happy about who I am or what I look like. I think I look too masculine. I feel too feminine. I feel I'm too old to transition successfully. but I cant help feeling like a woman. I hope I'm not the only one willing to admit this.

[Kelli Michelle]

I like myself as well, all of me. Of course I am far from perfect, but I feel fine with my masculine and feminine sides. I was sorta confused in earlier years, and though I knew I wasn't some kind of pervert, I always thought that others would think so. I still think that for a lot of people that would still be the case, except now, I care less and less about what those kind of people think.

[Tracii G]

I'm too old to tranistion as well but I don't let it get to me.
Being able to live on both side of the genders is quite fun.
Make the best of what you have to work with what else can you do?

[Kayla Shadows]

Having a femme side makes life very interesting don't you think?
Agreed.Life is much fuller with more choices.


I might be one of the few to admit no, I'm not happy about who I am or what I look like. I think I look too masculine. I feel too feminine. I feel I'm too old to transition successfully. but I cant help feeling like a woman. I hope I'm not the only one willing to admit this.

I was looking for those brave enough to say how they feel without fear.I,too,hope there will be more saying exactly how they feel.

There are things about me that I might not like and want to change but,I dont hate who I am.I accept who I am and thats something that isnt always easy for everybody.Through the magazines and TV,there are all these ideas of what perfect is and what we should be but,its not reality.All you ever have to do is be yourself

[renee k]

I've accepted who I am a long time ago. When I look in the mirror I'm happy with what I see. All I want to do, is improve my life and the lives of those around me.

Huggs, Renee

[MissConstrued]

I love me. And who wouldn't? :D

Don't answer that.

Seriously, though... yeah, I'm over the self-esteem issues. Thank you, Stuart Smalley!

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I feel great about myself - more so because I'm a cd, believe it or not.

I spent most of my life trying to rid myself of this horrible "defect". Eventually I realized that it's not a defect at all, but rather a beautiful gift. Most of society may not agree, but that's where we're at now. When it comes to transgendered issues, we're stuck in the 1950's for some reason.

As for me though, I love myself. Until I accepted my cding and who I am, I really hated myself. After learning to accept who and what I am, I learned to love myself and I'm much happier as a result.

I'm still in the closet, except for my wife. She knows, accepts, and rather enjoys my cding. I'll probably be in the closet for the rest of the people in my life for a long time to come because of the problems it may cause if they knew. Even so, I wouldn't change a thing. I would never want to stop being a cd even if I could. I love this part of my life. I love what I am, and who I am. :)

[Kayla Shadows]

Thank you, Stuart Smalley!

Thats great.:) I heard there were places that showed his movie to help inspire people in rehab clinics

Im glad to hear so far that some of you are doing well.I havnt always been the nicest to myself.Ive been down the road of self hate and it does a lot of damage to your life that you dont realize at the time.

Ive learned a lot too.Theres always going to be someone who gonna try to put you down,discredit you,give you a backhanded compliment or whatever...I will still continue to be kind no matter what.I'm not going to let people change me.

[JessD76]

I like who I am as a person inside. I am somewhat confused as to where I fit in this society. I have been dealing with this on and off for the past 2 years. I've always crossdressed but as I got older, I thought I was just odd. When I got married and was living a "normal" life, it was easier to kind of hide it from myself. I hope that makes sense. Its only since I've been living on my own these past 2 years that I cannot hide from myself anymore. I suppose I am in the stage of getting to know myself and hopefully accepting myself.

[jennCD]

For me, I've always felt good about myself (with respects to this area of my life). That's not to say I never get down and beat myself emotionally but that's regularly reserved for either my creative side (i.e. not creating music or doing anything else artistic) or within my family role (when I take time to second guess my skills with balancing the fine line between over-anxious dad/husband and mentally-paralyzed dad/husband).

As far as my TG side, I've long since reconciled my mind with my body and where I kinda fit in with everything. Admittedly, I do not have the same opportunities as many of you to be able to express my "jenn-ness" when I find I need to and this does lead to some elevated stress levels for me, but for the most part, I do my best to redirect that when I can... and when I can't, well,... I blow up, do damage control, pick up the pieces and clean up the mess before anyone notices! LOL

I will admit that, in finally having expressed this part of myself openly to my wife almost 2 years ago, I had hoped that it would at least help to slightly dilute any external anxiety I had about how the "rest of the world" would relate to this part of me. In the end, well,... since that time, it's slowly ground down to a balance of simply never bringing it up again since our relationship isn't one in which she can just "get past it" or "incorporate" it into her long-held image of me as a whole being. Since we've known each other now for over 25 years, I guess I was hoping something like this would not be such a hardship for our relationship.... tho after 2 years, and a good amount of holding back, regardless of how much I accept myself, it still is and will always be hard for my wife to accept....

jenn

[Marlena_Sparkles]

I am fine with everything. Have absolutely no regrets. I am having the best time of my life right now.:yahoo::dance:

[Susan.]

I've been up and down like many have. But if I had to chose I would never want to be a CD. Currently, I am feeling more guilty than I have for a couple of years. Bad enough that I started seeing a therapist (again).

[Kayla Shadows]

When I got married and was living a "normal" life, it was easier to kind of hide it from myself. I hope that makes sense. Its only since I've been living on my own these past 2 years that I cannot hide from myself anymore. I suppose I am in the stage of getting to know myself and hopefully accepting myself.

I do understand.Ive done a lot of suppression for a while..and I cant anymore.Ive been accepting and getting to know myself and realizing all the thoughts,from even long long ago,that things never fit together right.The road to making changes I want is long and overwhelming..It would just be easier to fade back into my old life and keep supressing but I dont want that life anymore.


regardless of how much I accept myself, it still is and will always be hard for my wife to accept....

jenn

I really really feel for people like you who dont have the opportunity to express themselves as they like.I have been there and know first hand how frustrating it can be.By all means,if you have some type of outlet,be it music,some type of creation,anything..express yourself.Sevas Tra (art saves). That is our alchemy in a sense.Taking something and turning it into something different and better.


I've been up and down like many have. But if I had to chose I would never want to be a CD. Currently, I am feeling more guilty than I have for a couple of years. Bad enough that I started seeing a therapist (again).

I hear you and I understand.Whatever label someones gives themselves with all the lives on this site,we shouldnt have feel guilty for being who we are.I know too well that things arent easy to just accept for some of us.I have talked to plenty people elsewhere too that have expressed just as you have.Others just like you have told me that they would not choose to be who they are.Whether they identify as cd,tg,ts,there are people that just wish they were "normal" or "real".I know how it feels.In the end,this is the life we were given..and its our decision on how we see it.Instead of hanging on what shoudve,couldve,wouldve been different,we can accept,embrace,change what we can and do our best to try and be happy.

[docrobbysherry]

And I have PROBLEMS with that! Let me count the ways, Kayla:

As a CD, sex is part of my dressing. Think, "perv"! Maybe u don't, but I do! I should be too old for sex! :sad:

Being a CD only, I don't relate well to many of the TG/TS folks here!

Hiding in a closet, with my dirty little secrets, can be depressing sometimes!

Finally, but NOT least of all, I'm hung up on Sherry's looks. She looks TOO GOOD to me. :D Keeps me from the GG dating I SHOULD be doing!
And it turns out she's quite VAIN, as well as jealous! :eek:


Thanks for the opportunity to vent , Kayla. It may delay me entrance in a 12 step program!:doh:

[Tina B.]

I'm OK with life, like so many others, there was a time when I suffered with the guilt thing, fought with it, and tried to suppress the desire. But then I decided that ulcers, depression, suppressed anger, just didn't suit me. So I took the plunge, and told my wife. I figured to let the chips lay where they fell. To my surprise she excepted me, warts and all. That was about thirty years ago. With her support and understanding, I learned to except myself, and my feminine feelings. Because of standings in a small town, I am closeted but I don't really mind, as I have total freedom at home to dress as I please most all the time, and it is guilt free!Tina
If your lucky Old age = self acceptance

[Nicole Erin]

We all struggle with this time to time.
Everyone close to me in life accepts who I am so that makes it easier.
Why should I hate myself for something if others who matter to me don't hate me for it?

[Raychel]

I am totally comfortable with who I am. I have grown to totally accept that this is part of me that will never go away. There are alot of things in my life that I ma not all that happy with right now, But my cd'ing is not one of them.

[justmetoo]

Day by day I'm getting better and better :)
I've always felt good about myself in some ways, and not so good in others. I'm also learning to be true to myself more and more and trying not only to accept that, but enjoy it, too!

As for appearance - plenty of issues there! :lol:

[Kayla Shadows]

And I have PROBLEMS with that! Let me count the ways, Kayla:

As a CD, sex is part of my dressing. Think, "perv"! Maybe u don't, but I do! I should be too old for sex! :sad:

Being a CD only, I don't relate well to many of the TG/TS folks here!

Hiding in a closet, with my dirty little secrets, can be depressing sometimes!

Finally, but NOT least of all, I'm hung up on Sherry's looks. She looks TOO GOOD to me. :D Keeps me from the GG dating I SHOULD be doing!
And it turns out she's quite VAIN, as well as jealous! :eek:


Thanks for the opportunity to vent , Kayla. It may delay me entrance in a 12 step program!:doh:

No problem Doc..and I dont think your a perv.I may feel more ts then cd and and not relate as much to cd's but I have no problems with how any one of you live your life.I have my life to worry about but I dont pretend like yours doesnt exist.I dont push anybody aside.Were all in this together and thats how we get by.If I didnt care,I wouldnt come by to ask ya'll anything.




. So I took the plunge, and told my wife. I figured to let the chips lay where they fell. To my surprise she excepted me,

That is wonderful to hear..and that you accept yourself.Thats they way it should be



Why should I hate myself for something if others who matter to me don't hate me for it?

Your right.You shouldnt have to hate yourself.We arent doing anything wrong.Being who you are is not a crime.There are some people out there that think it should be but what they think doesnt matter to me.Im not like them and dont choose to be.I choose to be me.Being who you are is important and doing what is right for your life is what should be done


Day by day I'm getting better and better :)
I've always felt good about myself in some ways, and not so good in others. I'm also learning to be true to myself more and more and trying not only to accept that, but enjoy it, too!

As for appearance - plenty of issues there! :lol:

You sound like you are on the right track.The appearance issues are always understandable.Being the vision you want to see is always on the mind.If its not perfect we just cant hate ourselves for it.Nothing is perfect.Who you are is what makes you,you and unique.

[Samantha Kelsey]

I feel that my life's been like most other folks on here. mixed feelings and emotions. Happy, guilty and sometimes down right ratty. However for the past few years I've accepted who I am and have found my way through the fog of life pink or otherwise. I now see clearly and love life. Who am I? I am me! what ever I wear.

[bah-bah-bobbie]

The general how are you just isnt direct enough to surface what needs to be asked from time to time.


Your right about that. People take for granted that how are you is an inquirey about the state of health and well being of ones mind, body and spirit. It has been reduced to a robotic greeting. As a result the recipient of the question not fully realizing how any one directly affects the other two, and no matter what state of health or well being they may be in give a robotic and dismissive (I'm guilty of this myself) fine thanks.


So..how do you feel about yourself?

Fine thanks. Just kidding. Really, I havent had time to feel much of anything lately.



So..how do you feel about yourself?

Well I have my good points and my bad points. Focus changes every hour or so.



Do you still think there is something wrong with you? Do you hate who you are? Have you accepted yourself yet?

The first part; no I don't think there is something wrong with me, I KNOW there is something wrong with me. Ask anyone, and I will verify, yes, I am one Brady short of a bunch. :D

The second part; I think hate is a strong word here. I am dissapointed in myself for bad decisions I have made. But I'm working on correcting them. I am discouraged about how I have repeatedly failed to make one particular change in my life. But maybe after the decision thing is taken care of I will have time and opportunity. But I am double discouraged about how far off that is. Do I hate me? No. Am I proud of who I am? All I can say is I have my good points and I have my bad points. Over all I do what I can when I can the best I can as I can. I take my victories where I find them and keep chugging away.

The third part; I think Mr. Garrison from the cartoon South Park put it best. "To be tolerant of something means you put up with it. You don't have to like it. Thats acceptance." So I am very tolerant of myself right now. Chugging away.

[Josey]

Kelli has my exact thoughts on this subject. I wouldn't change things from where I'm situated these days as I'm to old to make changes.

[tricia_uktv]

One word. Fabulous. Its such a relief and so much fun to be out and open.

[Jenniferpl]

If I could just loose some weight. Other than that everything is going good. A supportive and encoraging wife certainly helps.

[Shari]

Thanks for the post. Maybe writing will be therapeutic for my present condition.
I should be happier, but I'm not. The other parts of my life are quite wonderful. It makes me feel selfish to think this way.

I'm out to my wife for over a year now, but her support seems to be waning. It's thrown me into a mini purge and those old feelings of something's wrong with me are coming back. My male side is trying to take me over again, denying Shari is there or ever existed.

I've never thought I could pass but the feelings and rewards from dressing are much to strong to stop. I'm not happy with any of my mirrors from the waist up, but it just feels too good and too right to stop, or try to.

What I really want is to be able to dress whenever i want and go wherever I want with no negativity. sadly, that will never happen.

Why can't I just be me? Why can't we all just be who we really are?

I hope this is just a case of my annual February cabin fever. I'm just so frustrated right now.

[Georgia Rose]

I'm very comfortable with who I am. Mind you I've only been CDing for a bit over a year and am way in the closet (except for my wife) and determined to stay that way. For me this has little to do with sexuality but more the great feeling I get from dressing as a woman. I'm sure lots of non CD'ers would think it's wierd but who cares. I'm sure for others it may be more difficult because they may have issues I don't face.

[Kelsy]

I might be one of the few to admit no, I'm not happy about who I am or what I look like. I think I look too masculine. I feel too feminine. I feel I'm too old to transition successfully. but I cant help feeling like a woman. I hope I'm not the only one willing to admit this.

I will admit that at times I struggle with who i am!! I find it difficult to be stuck in between "one foot in each world' but there are times that I experience an over whelming happiness with my path in life!!

Kelsy:)

[deja true]

I feel great about myself - more so because I'm a cd, believe it or not.

I spent most of my life trying to rid myself of this horrible "defect". Eventually I realized that it's not a defect at all, but rather a beautiful gift. Most of society may not agree, but that's where we're at now. When it comes to transgendered issues, we're stuck in the 1950's for some reason.

As for me though, I love myself. Until I accepted my cding and who I am, I really hated myself. After learning to accept who and what I am, I learned to love myself and I'm much happier as a result.

I'm still in the closet, except for my wife. She knows, accepts, and rather enjoys my cding. I'll probably be in the closet for the rest of the people in my life for a long time to come because of the problems it may cause if they knew. Even so, I wouldn't change a thing. I would never want to stop being a cd even if I could. I love this part of my life. I love what I am, and who I am. :)



Gabrielle puts into words exactly how I feel.

Until listening to and talking to a number of wise souls here I was tormented with this "gift". And that's decades of self-recrimination and depression. But the simple and easy thought "I yam what I yam" (Thanks Popeye!), when it finally sunk in, changed my vision of myself permanently. My whole life, the deja side (which is still shared by virtually no one that knows me personally) and my 'what's-his'name' side are both now joyful experiences. I'm happy to get up in the morning to see what adventures are coming and how i can contribute to making things better for my friends, my community, the world in general.

Sure, I still care what the masses are thinking, but instead of letting it bring me down, now I'll try to get that thinking to change.

There's still a bit of ...melancholy, I guess... that I didn't start appreciating and understanding myself (especially the deja bits) years ago, but , hey, livin' in the past is fruitless. Still, I wish I had the memories of having been a hot young thing all those years ago. I'll just have to settle for being a hot 'mature' thing right now! :)

To paraphrase justmetoo, Every day in every way,I am getting better and better!

And you all helped...

[Kate Simmons]

As Spock finally said at the end of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home:"I feel fine.":)

[xAnne_Mariex]

I'm totally happy with who I am now, visually i'd maybe lose a little bit of weight and have a bit of a nicer figure, but as a person i'm happy.

With that being said, I have no idea what I want to do with myself job/career wise, I still want to travel and see the world but have no goals or aspirations for a career, which could cause a few problems further down the line...

[Carole Cross]

After years of self denial and frustration, I have finally accepted who I am and have decided to foolw my dreams and fully transition to become the girl I should have been born as. :daydreaming:

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Since you asked...

It's been about a year since the idea of dressing up as a female came to me....it was like someone knocked on the door and I opened it and the idea was planted in me...a couple of weeks I kicked it around...or maybe I should say it bounced around inside me until I decide to approach the wife and said "Dear, do you know what I'd like to do"?..and the rest is history to this point...As much as it's been a journey for me it been a journey for her as well...It sure has been interesting...from the first time I tried on makeup and a wig to now...being out in public as Stephanie...

What this has been for me is like me being a camera lenses that has been out of focus for years and now the cding and bring into the process my female side of gender has focused that lense into clarity. I see myself as I am right or wrong, good or bad, but I am who I am and by bringing my female side out I am now complete....as a person and that is good....My belief structure is different than most...I believe that my God is both genders ( he is female to females and male to males...he is not male to male and male to females...that wouldn't make sense now would it??? To be whole as a person, as well as spiritually whole, one must accept both sides of self to be in spiritual harmony....so with that being the case....I'm as good as I can get myself to be at this point in time with my life....like is balenced and life is in harmony with what and who I am...I do not have guilt or any negative feels about being Stephanie...She is just the other side of my male side and with me that makes us a whole person. We are created from a male and female becoming one and with out each of these people engaging we would not be....basic biology says that we come about from 1/2 male (sperm) and 1/2 female (egg)..so as we evolve should we retain this 50/50 of gender within ourselves????

That's my story and I'm sticking to it....

[MJ]

So..how do you feel about yourself?

well not too good right now

Do you still think there is something wrong with you?

no not at all

Do you hate who you are?

appearance is important and as i just don't like myself at this time but I'm working on that

Have you accepted yourself yet?

yes acceptance is a work in progress i can't change who i am

[victoriamwilliams1]

I am fine with myself and I accept myself. I feel nothing is wrong with me.

[Angie G]

Hi Kayla I never felt there was anything wrong with me as far as being Angie.I completely love who I am and never not accepted who I am. And the fact my wife accepts me as I am makes my life as a crossdresser good.:hugs:
Angie

[Michelle_Tokyo]

A good question. I sometimes ask myself if I think others are as profoundly happy with themselves as I am with me. I adore being feminine. I love the happiness it brings me and the freedom to be a better person. Like many here I imagine, I would love narrower shoulders, bigger boobs, and a little less of a jaw line, but hey that too is who I am. I compensate by trying to emulate the best of the great women I know and I hope that I will come to reflect those aspects that make me so envious of them in the first place.

One thing I have come to know is that I am so much more in synch with the world when Michelle is out allowed to have the lead.

[RachelDenise]

I feel great about my femme self. I have completely accepted this part of my being and I am very comfortable with it. Unfortunately, the world isn't so accepting which hinders my full expression of feminity. Still have very difficult work and family issues that won't allow Rachel out. One day........:daydreaming:

[Kayla Shadows]

Thanks for the post. Maybe writing will be therapeutic for my present condition.
I should be happier, but I'm not.

Why can't I just be me? Why can't we all just be who we really are?

I hope this is just a case of my annual February cabin fever. I'm just so frustrated right now.

Your welcome.Its important to be able to talk about things.IF we dont talk,nothing changes.

Sometimes our life situations and choices dont always permit us to be ourselves.Its not easy to deal with and we have to find some form of anything to let those emotions out.You can only bottle who are for so long.Some people will argue that being who we are is just a choice and it make it seem like its easy to bury.We know its not though.Even if you can only talk about it for now,any kind of release is much better then nothing.


I will admit that at times I struggle with who i am!! I find it difficult to be stuck in between "one foot in each world' but there are times that I experience an over whelming happiness with my path in life!!

Kelsy:)

Yeah,it isnt easy all the time.Being stuck inbetween worlds can have a lot of frustration.Depending on how much you would really rather have both feet in one,its troublesome on the mind.


Since you asked...
...basic biology says that we come about from 1/2 male (sperm) and 1/2 female (egg)..so as we evolve should we retain this 50/50 of gender within ourselves????



Quite possibly.People are always told,this is who you are and thats who your supposed to be..but I still dont think there is one absolute right way to be yourself.There are a lot of things we didnt know before we knew them.


well not too good right now..
...
appearance is important and as i just don't like myself at this time but I'm working on that

I can understand.We just have to keep thinking that things can and will be better.Trying to stay positive is not easy to do when you want what you want and its not happening right away but,..its really important to stray these feeling away from becoming hatred towards yourself.I am in no way qualified to give advice or anything but I can be a friend and ask and let people know I care.If we can get people to talk,the feelings are doing something other then just staying inside.Thats a good thing.And other people can see they are not alone in these feelings


Still have very difficult work and family issues that won't allow Rachel out. One day........:daydreaming:

Many things play a part in not being able to fully express yourself.If all you think you can do right now is dream,then dream and hold onto that dream.That one day will come.Sometimes things just feel wrong and you feel boxed in..but knowing what the wrong feels like makes you appreciate things so much more when they are right...And that reminds me of a quote I once found.Whether it has any relation to this topic,I dont know,but I will look real quick...

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg61/crashlibra/Myspace/mmonroequote.jpg

[deja true]

Love that Marilyn quote, Kayla!

Here's a thingy from Wiki-Answers:




Marilyn never took an IQ test, according to official records of Legendary and iconic superstar and Goddess herself.

According to close companions or friends who knew her personally, always said she was "extremely smart". Some sources says that her IQ was over 163. (Einstein was 167! -dt)

That's most likely true.

As the saying goes: "the one who fools the world for being dumb, is the one we should all be afraid of".

That explains Marilyn Monroe for being very, very intelligent and brilliant.

She covered her true person behind the legend we all know of.

And yet Marilyn was as unhappy in her 'persona' as many of us are (or were) in ours.

She prolly would have benefitted mightily from the internet and forums like this one.

:(...:)...:(

[carolinoakland]

Kayla, I have found who I am, and I'm happy with that now. And if the price of that happiness of self is that I spend my life alone, so be it. I'd rather be happy and alone. Than miserable in love with someone. Once I found my identity, I KNEW there was no going back to being who I used to be. Carol

[Kayla Shadows]

Love that Marilyn quote, Kayla!

And yet Marilyn was as unhappy in her 'persona' as many of us are (or were) in ours.

Yes,she was very smart.She expressed herself greatly with giving the understanding that she wasnt happy herself...but in that,she was very strong in presenting the fact that,that is who she is.IF you dont like it,she doesnt care.If you mind that much that she is how she is,shes already better then you.

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg61/crashlibra/Myspace/Picture9-1.png


Kayla, I have found who I am, and I'm happy with that now. And if the price of that happiness of self is that I spend my life alone, so be it. I'd rather be happy and alone. Than miserable in love with someone. Once I found my identity, I KNEW there was no going back to being who I used to be. Carol

Happiness does come with a price at times.I have very much embraced and accepted what that price holds as well.I dont want to just fade back into my old life because it would be easier to keep pretending.I dont want any of that anymore.No more mask,no more disguise,just who I am and who I was meant to be.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I used to, BUT I have now gotten over that - Once you can ACCEPT yourself for who and what you are, a CROSSDRESSER, the better off will your life become - we did not ask or choose to be a Crossdresser, but we are and we know that we can NEVER give it up and that it will be with us for the rest of our lives.

We are who we are - ACCEPT it

JoAnne Wheeler

[Leanne2]

I've had a lot of years (over 50) to think about my situation. It wasn't always this way but now I'm glad that I am transgendered. Like someone else said, I feel that it is a gift. Most people don't get it but the girls on this site do. It's wonderful to be feminine, even if it is just part time. But I think about it full time. When I see a woman looking fabulous I don't imagine being in bed with her. I imagine being her.
Would I choose to not be like this if I could? Not a chance! I cherish the people in my life that "know" about me and accept me just as I am. That is true love and that is what dreams are made of. Leanne

[DaphneGrey]

I love and accept Daphne she's the angel on my left shoulder and the devil on my right. And wouldn't be nearly the man I am without her. But I hate Living a Bi gender life. I hate being discreet, I refuse to be dishonest a policy witch gets me in trouble sometimes. Only ask if you really want to know, I will tell you.
I hate that living my life can cause pain for people I care about. I like to be pretty but rarely feel that way . Sometimes the complications of being Daphne are so great I wish she would go away forever. But the thought of loosing her is is just as painful. If there was a miracle cure for cross dressing. I would have to think long and hard about taking it. Would I kill this part of myself. On a bad day I just might, even after accepting yourself, after your So accepts you. Cross dressing is not easy thing to live with.
As much as I love beauty glamor fashion and being an over the top HM Girly Girl, I wouldn't mind going to the mall as a man, walking past the MAC counter and not wanting the latest pink shadow. In my heart of hearts I know That is not what I want even if it were possible. I just wish it were a little easier once in a while.


This is a great thread.
Thanks Kayla

[crazybiker]

Well comming from someone who's been doing this since i was about 16 or 17, i'm 19 turning 20 in a week... I use to think something was wrong with me when i was younger... But way back in teh day when i was in kindergarden, i use to dres up and be princess every once and a while... but now that i'm older i skip that and I'm quite happy with my 2 skirts i have so far, my 2 tops :p and the few other things i have... i use to think i didn't want to do it, but now that i have for a little while and have been able to come out and talk to my roomie, and read all the stories, Its not so bad anymore and glad i found this site... I need to find more my age though, i want to know what they're going through... if some what similar, and if someof you older than me peple could help me out and I'd be much appreciated :D

[Katie Lynn cd]

It has taken many years....probably 25 to 30 to finally say that I am absolutely happy with myself as a crossdresser. While I may have a time or two of guilt, it does not happen often. I like my look and I like who
I am. I am a CROSSDRESSER AND I LIKE IT!!!!!!

[Dannie Lefae]

I am somewhat ok with who I am but not ok enough to share myself with others. I do still have spurts of shame and guilt, but again that is how I was raised. I talk with my wife often and though I know without a doubt that she is ok with Em I still do not feel comfortable enough to dress with her. I have been en fem with her before, she even did my make-up for me, but do to my upbringing I felt very odd and uncomfortable. I am hoping that this changes for me, that the inner turmoil begins to lesson and I can openly dress with my wife and learn to not feel shame in doing so.

Em

[Tasha McIntyre]

So..how do you feel about yourself?

When I'm dressed, absolutely sensational :) That's not to say I'm happy with the way I look. I don't think I have a feminine look at all, too much height and too lumpy from hours in the weight room, but I feel awesome when I am dressed up.


Do you still think there is something wrong with you? Do you hate who you are? Have you accepted yourself yet?

For years I thought I was a freak, needed counselling, and was the only guy in the history of the universe with the desire to crossdress. Since discovering the internet, and specifically this forum I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I don't hate myself (never did anyway), and have accepted myself to the point where I have opened up to my wife, and chatted freely to others, even men another CDer in person (in guy mode).

Life and CDing is wonderful :daydreaming:

Cheers

Tash :)

[Tonya-Anne]

I too feel great about myself. The only regret that i have is not having had the confidence to start going out earlier in life. Unfortunately I cant change that, but it would have been so much fun to be out and about as in my late teens and 20's as a much younger girl

[Kayla Shadows]

Thank you for the replies.I was hoping some would come here to vent their thoughts,good or bad.


and if some of you older than me peple could help me out and I'd be much appreciated :D

All you have to do is ask and says whats on your mind.Dont be afraid to start a thread with whatevers on your mind and get some input.Were all here to help


The only regret that i have is not having had the confidence to start going out earlier in life.

I feel the same way.

I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done - Lucille Ball

I wish I realized earlier that I didnt need to suppress who I was.I didnt know though.When you think your the only one,strange and will be misunderstood,its hard to accept things.For what life is right now,I've come a long way.There are many miles to go with how I would like to present myself but,I accept and understand myself.