Transgender in the airline industry...

[KaraChristine]

As some of you know, I'm a flight attendant for one of the charter airlines here in the US that does mostly military flying. When I told them about my transition last year I assumed they would fire me on the spot, but instead they put me on medical leave until I was ready to resume flying as female (the job requires a passport since 99% of the flights are international).

Well the big day of my return to work is fast approaching in mid-March. I feel so many things, mostly incredible joy and humility. It's a lucky circumstance that I've been able to keep a job I love so far - much more fortunate than so many transgender people who attempt to transition at work and get fired.

But I'm also completely scared to death. At the best of times I work in a very intimidating environment - the airline industry is still very sexist and conservative, nowhere more so than on these military flights. I've gotten so many messages of support from my colleagues and that's a wonderful thing. But I've also heard from a couple good friends that there's a lot of negativity out there as well - a group of pilots for example is outraged and protesting that the company is allowing me to come back to work - one of them told a friend of mine that "there are so many gorgeous REAL women who would kill for this job - how could they let a freak like that come back to work."

I know that whoever we are there are always going to be people who disapprove and are mean to us. In my specific situation though, I end up locked in a metal tube with them for up to 15 hours at a time. Then I'll have to get past immigration officials in some very narrow minded parts of the world - even with a female passport which I now have, that's a scary prospect. I'm trying to maintain my courage and confidence but there are a few tough moments. I think that's why I freak out a bit when I'm read as trans in public - if that happens in the wrong airport in the middle east it could be a very dangerous situation.

I've heard that there have been many flight attendants and a few pilots who've transitioned successfully on the job. It would be such a comfort if I could get in touch with at least one of them to ask questions and get advice. Does anyone know of any names or contact information for any of these people? Or can anyone think of a way that I could come into contact with them? I've tried everything from internet searches (brings up ******* stewardess porn!!!) to asking my therapists and doctors - nothing so far. I'm hoping to connect with at least one other airline person before the Big Day!

Thanks for reading - as always I'm grateful for the love and support in this forum. :hugs:

Kara:love:

http://i406.photobucket.com/albums/pp146/karachristine/KaraUniformTiny.jpg

[deja true]

Oh, Kara! Good for you!

In reading for a little over a year, I seem to remember that the airlines are actualy pretty well represented here! I'm hopin' that some of those members find this thread and get in touch or can pass along your info to others they know.

Military charters? Wow! Bet the testosterone level is through the roof!

Good Luck, dear one...

:<3:

[Karen564]

I really don't think you need any advise from them, of course it wouldn't hurt either, sure, it would be nice to know how it went for them, but I think you'll do just fine, just do your job the same as you always have, you know your job well, and they will see it's still really you, just different, and the ones that are opposed to it, well, they don't sign your paycheck, so they'll just have to get over it.

Karen

[Frances]

There is the French flight attendant who wrote a book about her transition and work Andrée Coillaux. Here is a site with some info on her http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/AndreaColliaux.html

Also, one of my friends is a flight attendant, and she transitionned successfully on the job. You can find her on facebook. Her name is **********. She lives in Montreal, Canada, like me. If you have trouble finding her, add me as a friend first. My name is ************.

[Jenna1561]

You might try Sarah Weston, a transwoman who is(was?) a captain with American Airlines. The following is an email address, though I don't know if it's still valid.

[email protected]



I hope this helps.


Jen

[StaceyJane]

I really don't have any advice about transitioning. I would just like to say I've flown overseas on a military charter before and the entire flight crew was wonderful. When I flew to Kuwait at the very start of Iraqi Freedom the flight attendants got all our names and email address and sent a message home to our families saying they got us there safely. This was especially nice because I was not able to sent any message for a week.
I also remember the flight crew at the Kuwait airport sitting out a potiential scud attack with us. Of course the military had protective masks to wear in case of gas the flight crew had nothing.
Thank You for your hard work! :)

[Jenny J]

Kara-

Here's a link you might find interesting. http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/Sarah-I.html


Hope it gives some help and insight.

Jen

:rose2:

[renee k]

Hi Kara,

I really do feel your concern, with your return to work. It's very unforntunate that we work in a homofobic environment. Which is characteristic of small airlines. I know at my airline it's like living in a small town. Where everybody knows everyone elses business. And we're pretty diverse too. I think and know when you do return, that you'll show them your above their pettyness. Please hold you head up high and be proud of the person you are. It maybe alittle rough at first, but you impress me as one who has alot of moxie, and will weather this little bit of turbulence. You have all of us here for support.

Huggs, Renee

[Jenny J]

:iagree:

Our little world is pretty uptight about issues such as this and I wish it wasn't so.

Keep your head up and do your job to the best of your ability. Some of the slings and arrows will hurt but when the time comes for you to be tested like our friends on the Hudson, that's when it'll really matter and no one will care what gender you are or were. A Flight Attendant helping to save and protect passengers lives.

Good luck and hopefully happy flying.

Jen

:rose2:

[Melissa A.]

Hi Kara,

Good for you, sister. What you've done and are doing takes alot of courage. I'm in a somewhat similar situation-I work for a freight railroad. I work with a different person every time I go to work, and am stuck in a locomotive cab with them for up to 12 hours. Add to that the yard personel in various railyards, hotel staffs, and the hundreds of people working in my home terminal. I probably don't need to add that my business is also really male-dominated, and not exactly chock-full with enlightened individuals. I've told the company, and was told they will give me all the support they can, and will not tolerate harrassment. That's all well and good, and I am happy I get to keep my job. But I still have to get along and work with these guys. It's going to be the biggest challenge of my transition. The one advantage I have, in my opinion, is that even when I transition, I will continue coming to work in Jeans and workboots.I'm really not going to look drastically different, at least dress-wise. That may allay some people's discomfort, but probably not most. My therapist is helping me prepare. I'm getting there, and I know I will be ready later this year.

Anyway, Just wanted to let you know I understand the anxiety of transitioning in a possibley hostile environment. The best you can do, especially at first, is not return hostility with hostility, or fear. Once you make that leap, you need to be sure of yourself, and not let the ignorant even sense that they're affecting you. Humor works well, I have found. The more comfortable you are, the more others will be. Keep your chin up, sister. best of luck and much strength!

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[MarieTS]

Kara--you are a hero to so many of us. I hope you will be able to connect with someone in your profession who can help you feel more at peace. You deserve nothing less.

[Empress Lainie]

I am so glad you have been able to accomplish what you have.
You have to tell me how you got a female passport. Next time I see you, please. Sorry I don't know anyone in the airline industry for you.

[cd_britney_426]

Sorry to tell you that I don't know anyone who is in a similar industry who is a TS but I do wish you good luck. Congratulations that your employer has been working with you on this. I may have forgotten to tell you this earlier but I also wanted to congratulate you on your FFS. I'm certainly no expert or anything but you look great in the pictures you have here. Take care, Britney :)

[carolinoakland]

Honey, you didn't tell me about this pilot issue. I am afraid to that I will be put behind all the other 'real' women who are standing in line behind all the men. I had a conversation recently about being outed in the wrong place and time 'accidentally'. My neighbor who calls me in her words " what I damn well feel like calling you." until the day came when I was in the bodega around the corner with all the hood rats inside, and she called me by my old name. And that's when they all turned and gave me a closer look. I took her aside later and said that while I understand her dificulty, but now you see what calling me the wrong name can do to my safety. So I know WHAT you are worried about, but you are the one standing in pumps in the desert. And that's a whole nother world. Be cautious. But what I have learned from the hood, and the world in general. You hold your head up, look them in the eye, and never give in. You are a confident woman, and that's what they'll see. I just had my first week of living full time at work... I was worried that my client skills ( and reputation at being good at the dificult client ) would be affected by the way I'm perceived by the clients. I shouldn't have worried, the things that I was good at before I'm even better at now. Because I am all me now. I'm not afraid to be all of me. And I wound up getting a lot of positive feedback from the supervisor's and the employer. And that's what's going to carry you through this Kara, Transitioning will not make your life better, but you knew that didn't you? But it will allow you to use all of you to face that life. You have so much more at your command now, you just haven't gotten used to doing it. Trust me, after that first day, like me you'll start waking up feeling as excited as the first day of school. I do. I wake up excited about all the people I'm going to meet for the first time, and all the people who are going to meet me for the first time. I know that until after that first filght, you will be on pins and needles. But don't forget to breathe, and remember... we've found most of the time our fear is mostly in our head. Just know that I love you and wish all the best wishes for your first day. Carol

[Niya W]

Well I know why pilot that is a CD and he is out . For the most part he has not had any problems. Only had on co pilot un easy.

[KaraChristine]

Just wanted to post a follow up message now that I've gotten back from my first working trip as a female flight attendant !! It's been an amazing 17 day trip that I've just returned from. Talk about a couple of eye-opening weeks! I feel like a trailblazer in every sense of the word.

I've been constantly impressed by the kindness and the compassion of my coworkers. Just about every flight attendant I've flown with (and even a couple of pilots!!) have eventually pulled me aside to let me know how much they admire my courage and how great they think I look. It's such a scary, fragile time and I'll be grateful for the rest of my life for the support. The kindness and compassion people can sometimes show is touching, and I'm proud that my situation seems to help people display their inner nobility :-)

There have also of course been many unanticipated difficulties. That's a part of life for all of us and I'm trying to learn from each one.

Probably the hardest difficulty to deal with right now is that some people didn't often seem to realize at first that I'm transgender - and then when they realize or they're told, their behavior almost involuntarily becomes harsh. In particular a lot of the pilots and male passengers treat me at first with the complimentary softness and eye contact and chivalry that kind (or randy) men typically display toward women. It's like a rare privilege that I've always craved and that has been denied to me all my life. Then like clockwork they will find out or realize somehow who I am and their behavior toward me changes abruptly. The cold harshness and detachment that men typically display toward each other returns, in many cases even more emphatically because they feel subconsciously "fooled" I guess. It's like being Cinderella at the stroke of midnight.

Those are the moments that have been a bit tough to deal with because it's like the rug being yanked out from under me - a cruel reminder that happens to most trans people - we may never be "accepted" fully as the gender we've always been inside. I've had quite a few moments in the lavatory sobbing it out, regaining my composure and moving on. It's certainly an issue that most transgender people have had to deal with and resign themselves to - one of the "costs' of transition I guess...

Overall I realize that I'm living a dream denied to so many transgender people. Sadly, just being able to keep our jobs and some of our family and friends makes us among the small privileged minority. I hope every day that my example will help in some small way to broaden minds and make things easier for other trans people growing up in a somewhat kinder world... I guess one of the best things we can do at the moment is to continue living our lives in the most open, honest way possible.

http://i406.photobucket.com/albums/pp146/karachristine/KaraBebethGalley.jpg

[MJ]

thank you for such a wonderful post. congratulations and all the very best :hugs: :love:

[CharleneT]

I've been waiting to hear how well it turned out! Your are both brave and inspiring ! You also look very beautiful ;)

Hearing your story has given me (another) boast on my own path. Thank you for sharing it.

[Karen564]

A Huge Congrats goes to YOU from me Kara!!!!

I hope it just gets better & better for you as time flies by...:)

Not to mention that you look absolutely fantastic too, and I love your hair...

:hugs:

[Jonianne]

Kara, what a wonderful story you have shared. I'm glad it went as well as it did. Like in the movie "The Green Mile", focus on the ones that show love, caring and support when you feel the darts of the cruel. I believe you are a very lovely person both inside and outside, always keep that spirit and I am sure you will conquer all the opposition.

[Suzy Harrison]

What a wonderful story - I'm so glad that things are working out for you - and so they should as you look fantastic !

:hugs: Suzy

[sailcruisn]

It truely is a great story and I am so happy for you how it turned out. I have always wanted to travel more and maybe I should look into this feild of work as I have similar experience with the cruiselines. Plus a ton of other customer service experience.

[Wendi {LI NY}]

Well another wall has fell for us , Congrats HON & God Bless :hugs: Wendi

[Zenith]

You are really on your way now...congrats sister...don't forget us when you move on...:cry:

hang on to the initial positive reactions you get...it's what people really want to feel...heck it's what they really feel...just too afraid due to societal pressures...that will change...slowly...but it will...:daydreaming:

[renee k]

Hi Kara,

Glad to see you're back in the air! After reading your lastest post. I think your doing quite well. Just keep your head up high kid'o and don't look back. Like I said before you'll be, "old news". You've got my respect and admiration.

Huggs, Renee

[tori-e]

You did it girl! You’re back to work and ready for the rest of your life. This time in the right gender. I always went into this with an “expect the best and prepare for the worst” attitude, but the worst never happened. Take every day with grace and dignity and sometimes a thick skin. In a few months this will all be mundane and being a guy will be like some distant bad dream.

You look fabulous in the pic! Which one of you is trans? :heehee:

Congrats!:thumbsup:

Terri

[Jenny J]

Hi Kara-

I'm happy things are working out well and hope you enjoy the rest of your flying career. You are leading the way and have the appreciation from many, many others out there that wish they could follow in your footsteps.

May your layovers be long and flights smooth and uneventful.

Jen

:rose2:

[kristyk]

Kara you are one in a million in the picture you look so happy and that is what it is all about
YOU GO GIRL :)
KristyK

[cd_britney_426]

Wow! Congratulations, Kara. That is so awesome! You look wonderful and I would never in a million years guess you were trans by looking at that picture even if I was trying to look for it in people. :) Britney

[Rachel_Moore]

Congrats Kara

Not heard a thing about your story until now but go get em girl!!!!

Completely, wholeheartedly agree that only through serving as examples will we broaden societies views. Not just on transsexual people but the whole tg spectrum. One day I live in hope that there will be a world without the petty prejudices because there is not one understandable grounding for any of them accept for fear of the unknown or misunderstood. I'm a reluctant, solitary example of a transwoman in my hometown. Don't neccessarily want to be the one true representation of our community but as the only girl brave (or silly) enough to go for it and say this is me, I also feel I have to try to get people to see what I'm really like and that apart from changing my appearance, identity and attempting to live as full a life as a female as I can, I'm still pretty much "normal" and the same as I was before.

Good luck for the future hun, a pretty inspirational read. Keep us posted :)

Rach x

[Sally24]

What a great story Kara! It must be hard but the rewards of being yourself all the time will make it worth it. I think you will find that the more comfortable you become, and the more time you spend as a female, the less "clocking" that will happen. You appear very soft and attractive and we all envy you!!:cheer:

[RobynB]

Congradulations Kara.

[Leanne2]

We are all so proud of you Kara! I agree with the others; you look great. I might have missed a post where you mentioned your voice training. Has that been as easy for you as looking like a beautiful woman? I envy what you did but I don't envy your job. How do you deal with those idiots that give all flight attendants grief? What Airline do you work for? Have a great day. Leanne

[GypsyKaren]

Kara, you are an inspiration to us all and you command my respect.

GK :star:

[Allena]

Good for you Kara. You are truly an inspiration.