Soon to be EX-husband can't accept himself

[Corrine GG]

Well, it's been a while since I posted here...the news is not so good.

We have been married since 10/15/06. I have an 18 year old at college and a 15 year old at home. He has a 12 year old who stays with us 4 days a month.

On the night of Jan 26, while I was in class, my husband got a hold of my 15 year old son's laptop. I am not sure why he was snooping on it... but he found a picture of his daughter on my son's computer...it was taken under the bathroom door and she was naked.

My son happened to be staying at his dad's that night, Thank God.

I was devastated...I cried...I drank...heavily, that night. My husband held me, told me to stop crying....we talked about what to do.

Tuesday. I called my son's father, I called counselors, etc. I decided on counseling, a part time job (he apparently has too much time on his hands), staggered visitation so they would not be in the same house at the same time.

My husband stayed home from work. Wednesday, he resorted to staying in bed all day (he does this when he is depressed)

I understand the severity of this...I really do...but what happened next..I have no idea....

At 4:00pm I went up to the bedroom and he asked me to make him a grilled cheese sandwich and soup. I did.
When I bought it up to him, he started berating me...(a new different attitude) He said that my son would have never done it if I had raised him right...etc. He acted like my son was a deviant. I told him that he wasn't, the professionals I had been talking to told me it was common, just because you throw kids together and tell them that they are FAMILY, doesn't mean they view each other as brother and sister. To my son...she was just a naked girl in the bathroom.

He was angry...I don't blame him, but 2 days LATER?

Then he started putting me down...verbally abusing me. He started talking about what a deviant my son was and how he was going to tell his ex wife what he had done. I told him that she would never understand...she was the one who didn't understand the clothes she found in his trunk (her clothes, his daughter's clothes, and mysterious clothes)

I told him that she thought he was a 'deviant' for using his YOUNG daughters clothes to dress (he would cut them up and wear them, like a toddlers bathing suit would turn into a thong.) He didn't know that she and I had talked about all this. I am not even sure he knew that she had seen what was in his trunk. I told him that I needed his help to get through this, I asked him to go to therapy with me to get the help we needed to get though this. (He has always avoided therapy like the plague)

I left the bedroom and he followed me. I was getting some clothes and things together to take to my son. I was taking his laptop so his father could see what was on it too. (porn)

In my arms, I had his laptop, a pair of jeans and a page out of the local paper (police blotter - minor caught with obscene material) trying to drive it home that what he did was bad and porn is not good either.

That is when the screaming started, HIM, not me. It was My fault..."YOU HAD NO RIGHT!" I have no idea what he was talking about...I think he was referring to discussing his crossdressing with his ex-wife, the stuff in his trunk, the fact that he uses his daughter's clothing to dress.

Then he punched me in the chest. Closed fist, as hard as he could. I just stood there. I was not even arguing with him, I was letting him rant. It took 7 days before the pain started to go away. I thought I had broken a rib.

The he said, "Let's just end this right now...me and you..now!" then he took all my keys and told me I wasn't going anywhere.

I feared for my life.

Finally, he threw my keys at me and let me go. He yelled to me. "I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!" I left.

Ever since I found out about his secret (we had been married just 2.5 months) he has tried to force me out of his life. That is when I started researching and found this wonderful website. After I talked to a lot of you on here and was reassured that he loved me and he was so lucky to have a partner who accepted him and didn't mind that he liked to dress. I was just relieved that he didn't want to 'chop it off'. I loved him and wanted him to be happy. I guess that wasn't enough.

I accepted him, I encouraged him, I bought him things...told him that he didn't need to stash things away from home...

The only time I didn't feel right was when I caught him trying to pierce his belly button...I mean, how can he explain that to our kids at the pool? Instead, I ordered him some non-piercing belly button jewelry.

I walked in on him admiring himself in the mirror in our bedroom recently, He said "I'm sorry" I said, "I don't care"...and I laughed and told him I loved him and left him to do whatever he wanted.

Within an hour of punching me that night, he was calling locksmiths to get the locks changed. He has locked me out of the house. It will be 4 weeks wednesday.

He had me served with divorce papers 9 days later.

I would have never told anyone about our secret, but now I have to because it's the REAL reason we are ending our marriage. The fact that he can't accept himself.

He took all the money out of savings, (20k) canceled my credit cards and I am basically homeless. I am staying in an undisclosed location because I am not sure about his stability.

Now we get to handle this through attorneys.

All I ever did was accept him and love him. He just couldn't accept himself. He made comments in the past, "I should never be married" I always thought it was just from shame. Now I wonder if he really wants to be a woman but won't admit it.

Who knows? It's not my problem anymore. Two attorneys will get all the money.I wonder how long it will take him to find someone who accepts him...and loves him the way I did...demons and all.

Thoughts?

[StephanieT]

I am so sorry about what happened to you. You did the right thing to leave and stay away. Violence has no place in a loving relationship. Your ex will probably never be happy and he was lucky to have such an accepting partner. I hope you find a new safe place of your own soon. Being homeless sucks.

[linnea]

What a sad story. I feel bad for you and in another way for him, but he needs help. I hope that he gets it before he does any other terrible things.
Good luck to you.

[DawnRodgers]

Horse hockey. You have rights girl. Just because he has problems accepting himself doesn't mean you should suffer like this. When you are married he can't just shut you out and hang you out to dry. You tries. You more than met him half way. If he persists in this, I suggest you get a good lawyer. He has noi right to do this to you, I don't care what he thinks the relationship is. Protect yourself and don't take this abuse.
Dawn

[txrobinm]

And suddenly my problems seem so so small. You did the right thing to leave, and to also love him before. Maybe one day he'll realize that, and can heal. You have already started on your healing by posting here. I'm sorry it ended the way it did. I wish you peace on your journey, such as it may be found right now, that the right people will come before you to help you on your way. I wish the same for him, and that no more violence will come from this.

[erica12b]

i feel for you (and him) hug (not enuff but all i have)

[Celeste]

Im glad your away from him and safe.Sounds like he might have snapped over other things in the future also.I agree,he can't just decide to throw you out,maybe an attorney can have a temporary judgment decided on your behalf so you will have some support until the divorce.

[docrobbysherry]

It is incredible the way some people feel the need to sabotage their own lives! The man u describe, seems filled with guilt and self hatred. U r safe now, but as a divorced father with a young teen daughter, I'm worried about his daughter! There may be more going on with him and her than u know!:eek:

Any man that would wear his young daughter's clothes---, let's just say he needs help! :doh:

I think u should see a County Family Therapist immediately! They're free to families that can't pay! Please tell your whole story to someone experienced there. They will help u understand what is happening to u, and can contact his ex, to be sure his daughter is safe!

I think u should do that IMMEDIATELY! Just in case he's going deeper into depression! You'll feel better, too!:thumbsup:

[TaylorAB]

I am very sorry to hear this and I am very sorry that you had to go through such pain. His not being able to accept himself doesn't give him the right to treat you so coldly.

[JamieDP]

all i can say is a man regardless of his gender identity who resorts to hitting/striking a woman is dangerous. not just for yourself, but for all the children involved in the scenario. if he would strike out at you physically and blame you, he should be considered as being a possible threat to all the children involved...his daughter, your son...especially your son since he is very angry towards him...I don't have the answers, but just think about protecting yourself and the children. If there is no protection or a bad situation gets worse, there may never be the opportunity for anyone to heel ever....

[JulieK1980]

That absolutely breaks my heart! I'm very happy to hear you are safe. I don't think he will ever accept himself, and be happy. It sounds like he has some serious issues to work through. Good luck to you! I hope you find happiness after all this works its way through. Remember money isn't the important thing, you and your families safety is.:hugs:

[Hope]

Do you, or your son, have any proof that it was your son who took the photos? The whole thing sounds pretty sketchy to me...

Because your husband's behavior has been so reprehensible it will not take a good lawyer to secure a nice alimony settlement for you, merely a competent one. Use some of that cash to pay for a therapist, it sounds like you have been through hell.

You should also (if you haven't already) contact your local domestic abuse program, (look in the phone book, or call just about any social services agency - including a local church) they have a variety of resources to bring to bear to help women out in times like these including (usually) housing for you and your children.

[MissConstrued]

Then he punched me in the chest. Closed fist, as hard as he could.

A slap across the face is one thing... but punching your wife? Nuh-uh. This dude's got some serious issues.

Love him or not, accept him or not -- this is the kind of muy malo hombre to run the hell away from.

[DanaR]

Wow, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. He definitely needs help, no one deserves what he did to you.

Take care,

[Mistybtm]

Horse hockey. You have rights girl. Just because he has problems accepting himself doesn't mean you should suffer like this. When you are married he can't just shut you out and hang you out to dry. You tries. You more than met him half way. If he persists in this, I suggest you get a good lawyer. He has noi right to do this to you, I don't care what he thinks the relationship is. Protect yourself and don't take this abuse.
Dawn


I totaly agree here take care.

[queenie]

I read this and was utterly flabbergasted! The way that he treated you just broke my heart. The fact that he actually HIT you and felt no remorse tells me that he is not someone you should be with at all. Sadly there are many abusive and delusional men like this around, crossdresser or not. It doesn't sound to me like a self acceptance thing, it just sounds like he's got a whole lot of issues and chose to take it out on you. Be safe and I hope for the best for you.

[battybattybats]

He's clearly going off the rails entirely.

I would suggest you ask about what the laws are in your area regarding having someone sectioned as for his own sake he may need it and also what protection orders like AVO's etc you may be able to use to help protect you and your family.

He has the kind of issues only professionals can do anything about.

This is a horrible example of what transphobia does to people. He was harmed by anti-transgender attitudes growing up which has led to his own self-hate which has led to his outrageous assault on you physically, emotionally and financially.

So if you do feel you must tell others about this part of him please be careful to be pro-TG in the way you do it as the people you tell may have TG kids, siblings, parents, cousins.

And we all need to consider more our obligations to improving knowledge understanding and acceptance of TG people and other similarly effected and closeted groups within general society. Because if we all don't do enough then there will be other people who grow up filled with such self-hate that they go off the rails like this!

[Persephone]

Thoughts?

My heart goes out to you, Corrine.

Sometimes, our love and reality can be totally in conflict, and it sounds like this is one of those times. The person that you love and married does not seem to be that person in reality. Crossdressing is not his problem, he sounds like a seriously disturbed and abusive person and you must make the hardest turnaround of all and stay away from him.

As others have suggested, you also must try to help protect all of the children who are involved. He is very, very likely to abuse his daughter or anyone else he can put under his control. Hard as it may be, I would urge you to contact the Department of Social Services.

You have our care and support at this devistating moment, but you have to take the actions that will protect you and the children from this man forever.

Please seek the help you need and may God hold you and the children in the palm of His hand.

[Jonianne]

I can find no words to describe my horror at this situation. My thoughts and prayers go out for you and the children. Please be careful.

[Kelsy]

So sorry!
It seems that his problems are more than you can remedy! He sounds dangerous and the situation was unsafe! I feel for your hurt and loss but I believe that you'll be better off separated from him.

:hugs:Kelsy

[Jess_cd32]

If this man can hit you like that full force and then continue onto what he's doing he's got some serious potential to do even more harm, possibly deadly. Whatever you do DON'T ever meet with him in any way to 'discuss' things should it ever be asked, stay away at all costs.

I'm also thinking something is up with him regarding his daughter like another post said, something not good either. You definatly want to discuss this with his ex wife, the whole ordeal that happened.

I think he's dealing with far more in his mind than CD/TG issues, thats only the tip of this iceberg. I'm really hoping that he hasn't harmed his daughter (yet), I think he will eventually thats my gut instinct.

I really feel for you right now and hope things start to turn around for you for the better soon.

As for what your son did, at 15 y/o a male is unfortunatly having a sexual thought about every 30 seconds from what I've read in the past, I was one once so I know. He's curious for the most part, I think a good talk about why he shouldn't have done that could be enough for him, it was very wrong. Porn on his comp as well, normal to a point so long as it doesn't take over his life, all kids are looking at it unfortunatly with the easy avail. on the net.
At that age we read Playboy, the prior generation looked at the Sears catalog, today its the net for kids:eek:

Good luck, my thoughts are with you.

[Alana65]

Beyond what others have already said........you deserve a HUGE HUG, and I agree wholeheartedly with what Kitty says below........good luck to you and the children.


WOW Corrine, what a nightmare. It sounds like you took all the right steps concerning your son, counseling, limiting exposure to the girl and trying to work through a difficult situation with your husband.

I agree that your ex has some serious issues and you should take steps to protect yourself. I hope you made a police report about the punch in the chest. Perhaps you should make a report now at least to get it on record. I know it is not something that you think about doing but I was told by a few police that my ex know exactly what he is doing and is very devious so you have to think in ways you would not normally just to protect yourself.

Do not make the mistake that he thinks "normally". Wearing his daughters clothes???? Ahhhh, that is worse, in my opinion, than a teenage boy sneeking a peek at a teenage girl in the bathroom. No wonder he avoids counseling like the plague.

He showed you the tip of the iceberg Corrine. Consider yourself lucky that he has shoved you out of his life. I think you were headed for a very turbulent and icky life.

The divorce will cost you money but you will still have your life and you were spared the agony of spending anymore time with this,,,, Yes I would call him a DEVIANT.

Take care and protect yourself
:hugs:
Kitty

[Rebecca Sue]

He is clearly filled with self-loathing that he is unable and unwilling to deal with in a healthy manner.You were very understanding and loving and got punched in return. It's fortunate that you got out of the situation. Good luck to you.

[Amanda Shaft]

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. My advice for what its worth is: be safe! Be safe yourself, keep your family safe, and try to help his daughter to be safe. Be secure first, then look into resolving the many issues you face.
Amanda x

[TGMarla]

Ouch. I have to agree with what Dawn and Kitty said here. Furthermore, a guy should never hit his wife like that, no matter how much he feels like doing it. He showed no restraint there. And if an accepting wife does not bring him towards self-acceptance, nothing much will except time.

Divorce is almost always very ugly. I feel for you, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. I wish good things for your future. I don't think your son is a deviant. He may have shown some poor judgement, but what kid doesn't? It is wrong to judge a kid on one incident. Who among us has not slipped from time to time.

All my best to you. Good luck.

[DemonicDaughter]

Corrine,

I could have written that post myself (just different circumstances) regarding my ex-husband. He refused to accept who and what he was. He was so determined to shove that part of him down and swallow the guilt that it destroyed our marriage.

What probably set all this off was there might be a chance your ex had porn along the same lines as your son. My ex had an enormous collection of it that he "hid" all over the house even knowing I didn't care if he had it or not. He hid a lot of things despite my acceptance of it.

It took me a long time to accept that for once, a break up can be very one sided. He needed out of the marriage and was looking for anything to blame to justify it.

Its truly sad.

And like you, mine took everything. The money (which wasn't even his), everything in the house (including the food in the fridge! :eek:) and even my stuff.

But I'm happy he left because I realized that no matter how much I loved him, he couldn't love himself and that doomed us from the start. :sad:

[MJ]

I am so sorry about what happened to you as well. all i can say is i hope that life gets better for you and your children .all the best ... :hugs: :hugs:

[sandra-leigh]

As I read about this sad and awful situation, I am led to wonder whether the intensity of his reaction was driven by (pure speculation here!!) him having his own pictures of his daughter???


Sorry, I don't have any strategy suggestions for you; I can tell from a few key words you wrote that the divorce laws where you are must be quite different than here. So all I can do is send you :hugs:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

What a terribly TRAGIC story I'm so glad that you found this website and this FORUM - if you have read very much of the information contained within the FORUM, you know thatr Crossdressers as a whole have led troubled lives in that they have had to deal with lonliness, shame, guilt, depression, irritability for their whole life.

I am not and will not in any way make excuses for how he has treated you. That was and still is just AWFUL, INEXCUSABLE, and DOWN RIGHT STUPID.

I think that DIVORCE is the omly option and you ought to proceed immediately.

If I can help you in any other way, please send a private post to me.


JoAnne Wheeler

[valenstein]

Hugs. Once I got to the part of him punching you, I lost any empathy or understanding from his point of view, I don't get it. Take care and good luck. Hugs again.

[Nicole Erin]

Fathers can be very protective of their daughters, especially when we are talking about a 12 year old girl. Man if I had a daughter and some 15 year old was trying to mess with her, it would get uglier than hell.
It is not your fault that your son was taking naked pics of the girl, I mean kids do dumb things. But the father of a young girl will not see it that way.

Thing is, you need to thank goodness that your son didn't get hurt by this guy.

As to why he is taking this out on you, well usually grown-ups want to blame the parents when kids mess up. 2 days later? He had time to dwell on the fact.

All's I can say is when the divorce starts, a lot of really interesting things might come out as far as what was going on with everybody.

You might want to really talk to your son about this and find out what else was going on. Make him understand if he was messing around with her, the daughter will be telling, so he might want to come out with it so you guys can figure out how to handle things *before* she says anything in court.

[Jenny Beth]

I can't even imagine what you are going through but one thing is certain. This guy is dangerous to say the least and it's best you are as far from him as possible because things could get worse when this ends up in court. It would be a good idea to get a restraining order but most of all keep in touch with family and friends and let them know what's going on. He brought this on himself, stand your ground and remember you've done nothing wrong.

:hugs:

[Intertwined]

I am sorry 1st for what your going through, 2nd, I stopped reading your post when I read he punched you.

Let me explain why, I was raised, a man NEVER hits a woman, period, I don't care if she is coming at me with a bat, I can always run, and I probably deserve it.

I may come back to your post later, I am sorry.

[Angel.Marie76]

Goodness lady, my very best wishes to you. Stay Safe! I would hope you have access to all the necessary resources available to women in your situation. In situations like this that I've been peripheral to before, my friends have ended up in shelters, working with battered women clinics, etc. I always give them the same advice, be strong, be proud, and BE PREPARED!!!!!!

I don't want to rant here at all, but the staples that you should never be without are the things that protect you best and keep you in touch with the world. Shelters offer emergency cell phones, transportation, even MONEY in some circumstances. I wouldn't go anywhere without a buddy AND Pepper Spray if you fear for your safety. I'm a serious believer of non-violent resolution, as no man or woman deserves to be beaten, however conversely I'm also for self defense. When you fear for your life you're entitled to certain protective and defensive rights (for your given state and locality).

My very, very best and warmest wishes to you, and condolences on the future loss of your marriage.

[trisha59]

Along with almost everything written about this, if you have not already done so contact the police and file a report. This was an assault.

[Tamara Croft]

I never could understand why people resort to physical violence when things got bad in a relationship, and yes I've been there many years ago and walked out, lost everything, but never looked back. I hope you've reported him to the police for what he's done, you didn't say if you did or not.

I do want to raise a couple of points though, but note, I am not condoning his violence to you in the slightest.


I told him that she would never understand...she was the one who didn't understand the clothes she found in his trunk (her clothes, his daughter's clothes, and mysterious clothes).

I told him that she thought he was a 'deviant' for using his YOUNG daughters clothes to dress (he would cut them up and wear them, like a toddlers bathing suit would turn into a thong.) He didn't know that she and I had talked about all this.

That is when the screaming started, HIM, not me. It was My fault..."YOU HAD NO RIGHT!" I have no idea what he was talking about...I think he was referring to discussing his crossdressing with his ex-wife, the stuff in his trunk, the fact that he uses his daughter's clothing to dress.This is just so wrong, to be discussing your husbands dressing with his ex wife, you really did have absolutely no right discussing this with her and I'm not surprised he got angry with you. How would you have felt if this was the other way around? First he finds a naked picture of his daughter on your sons laptop (although there's no evidence as of yet to prove who took it), then he finds out you've been discussing him with his ex wife, resorting to some not so nice things said about him, how do you think he's going to react? Admittedly, violence is not the way, but he must have been furious to resort to this. If he's never hit you before, if he's never been this angry before, ask yourself why.

I know not many people are going to like what I've said, but I'm looking at this from both sides as you've given us a lot to go on. He obviously needs help, resorting to violence is never good for anyone, but you also need to understand, that talking about your husband to his ex wife about him, was really not good, he most likely felt very betrayed and hurt by it.

[Lee51964]

we in the belife of carma what goes around comes around so he will get his
abuse of a woman is one thing my friends and I have never been able to tolerate being a man I am embarassed for the way he acted being a crossdresser I am hurt that any man could have a wonderful woman and treat her so badly

hunny get a god lawyer and leave him with very little to get by on it is what he deserves besides being in jail for assult

may you find the happyness you so richly deserve

[Ralph]

IANAS (not a shrink), but I think there's more to this than the dressing. I suspect hubby has some major problems beyond his control, and the sudden change in attitude and wild temper swing suggests he's bipolar.

Unfortunately you probably can't get him to agree to get help... but perhaps his behavior will get the judge's attention and you'll get legal backing to require him to get the help he needs.

Meanwhile I'm sure sorry to hear how much grief all this is causing you. Any guy, CD or vanilla, would be blessed to have someone as supportive as you.

ralph

[carolinoakland]

First, once he raised his hand to you that was the end. It doesn't get better. And I would say that he's looking for the excuse to get out of the relationship so that he can indulge himself. He may find that he does want to 'cut it off'. And I also wonder about the camera thing as well. And you're right about how the two kids DON'T consider themselve's brother and sister. Curiosity in boys is common. Acting out is too. But, You have by your words been more than accomodating. But somewhere he stopped communicating his feelings, or stopped knowing what he really wants. He may want to transition and didn't know how to do that with you, so now any excuse to put the blame on your son for the failure of the marriage so that he can go be free to explore his identity. But bottom line, protect yourself, financially and physically. He had no right to strike you. Wrong thing to do, be well. carol

[Deborah Jane]

He sounds like a total asshole Corrine, you're better off without him!!
As for punching you, if i were you i'd get him banged up for assault, make him do time for it!!:Angry3:

[Kelli Michelle]

On the night of Jan 26, while I was in class, my husband got a hold of my 15 year old son's laptop. I am not sure why he was snooping on it... but he found a picture of his daughter on my son's computer...it was taken under the bathroom door and she was naked.

He obviously had a reason, but he should have discussed his thoughts with you about why he felt the need to look at the computer. If he was just snooping that's an invasion of privacy.



At 4:00pm I went up to the bedroom and he asked me to make him a grilled cheese sandwich and soup. I did.
When I bought it up to him, he started berating me...(a new different attitude) He said that my son would have never done it if I had raised him right...etc. He acted like my son was a deviant. I told him that he wasn't, the professionals I had been talking to told me it was common, just because you throw kids together and tell them that they are FAMILY, doesn't mean they view each other as brother and sister. To my son...she was just a naked girl in the bathroom.

I doubt that the average public would consider the son's action to be more deviant than crossdressing. What the pros told you sounds correct to me.



That is when the screaming started, HIM, not me. It was My fault..."YOU HAD NO RIGHT!" I have no idea what he was talking about...I think he was referring to discussing his crossdressing with his ex-wife, the stuff in his trunk, the fact that he uses his daughter's clothing to dress.

You made a mistake here, discussing his crossdressing with his ex-wife, unless he knew beforehand. This was a bad mistake. Not as bad as his for sure, but still bad.


Then he punched me in the chest. Closed fist, as hard as he could. I just stood there. I was not even arguing with him, I was letting him rant. It took 7 days before the pain started to go away. I thought I had broken a rib.

Physical/mental abuse are some of the worst things that can happen. There is no excuse for this in any relationship. There was no justification for that at all. It was all on him.



I accepted him, I encouraged him, I bought him things...told him that he didn't need to stash things away from home...

What more could he ask for?


I would have never told anyone about our secret, but now I have to because it's the REAL reason we are ending our marriage. The fact that he can't accept himself.

No one has to volunteer personal things that cause one pain. I would consider the motivation here. Are you doing this to relate information? Only those that need to know should be told. Are you doing this for some other reason? I would examine all this before telling anyone.


He took all the money out of savings, (20k) canceled my credit cards and I am basically homeless. I am staying in an undisclosed location because I am not sure about his stability.

I feel for you. Again, his theft of your shared assets is horrible. Clearly he is very angry, with tons of issues that need to be resolved.

I too hope that you file a police rept. This violence has just got to stop. Hopefully the lawyers will be able to help you get back what is yours. I sure hope so.

You sound like a sweet, loving, level-headed person. You deserve better than what you got. Take care, and God-bless.

[2b.Lauren]

What a heart breaking story. I can barely keep my tears back after reading your horror. I am so very sorry that you have had this problem, makes all of mine seem small in comparison. Take steps to protect yourself. See an attorney, tell them of his abuse, and then work on getting your rights back. Best wishes as you sort this all out and huge hug you are such a brave and accepting person.

[gretafemme]

Corrine, I am so sorry that you endured so terrible an act by someone you love. I feel sad and angry with your SO for being violent.....NO woman deserves that. Please be safe and know that we will support you:hugs: Greta

[kathrynjanos]

Good God woman, that's terrible! I am not a person who believes that a woman is always innocent and should never be hit (raised by a terribly abusive mother), but regardless of that fact, he was 100% wrong to lay a hand on you, you did nothing wrong! You should be pressing charges on him!

I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with this, and on top of already having to deal with your son's issues. As far as your son goes, I'd say the best solution is to tie him to a chair and let your ex husband's daughter beat him senseless! That'll learn him to be a pervert! (I consider anyone who spies on someone else in any intimate way to be a pervert. Upskirts, pinhole cams, etc.) Just my :2c:

If you were in my area, I'd be happy to let you camp out for a while, but unfortunately I'm in NY. I honestly don't know what more to say, but if you want a bunch of us to get together and beat him up, I'm certain we'd be happy to oblige. In full dress if it makes it any more ironic! There's just no excuse for his behavior.

[Sheila]

kathrynjanos, sory hun but violence against another is not something I beleive in, I know there are times when it has to be, but there are usually better ways of dealing with situations without resorting to violence ......my :2c:

[Tamara Croft]

but regardless of that fact, he was 100% wrong to lay a hand on you, you did nothing wrong!First you don't condone violence.... saying a man shouldn't hit a woman...


As far as your son goes, I'd say the best solution is to tie him to a chair and let your ex husband's daughter beat him senseless! But then, you go on to advocate it? How is that right? You teach a boy not to hit a girl, but it's ok for a girl to beat a boy senseless? What planet are you on? This is not the way for this boy at all and I'm disgusted you'd even say such a thing. If the boy did this, he's a boy, they do that sort of thing, they look at porn, hell most of the CD's on this forum dressed as girls before they started school, so don't lecture :rolleyes: gads :Angry3:

[Lisa Catherine]

I am SO sorry to hear that. What he did is no less than felony assault and battery in most states, and domestic violence to boot. I would definitely explore my options about pressing charges if I were you. Any man who commits violent acts on women or kids needs to be jailed, period. If he's that unstable, it need to be reported, too. :eek:

[carhill2mn]

Thoughts? Yes, I have thoughts! I am sad for you that you have had such a horrible experience. I think that the safest thing for you and your daughter is to get away from this person (I won't use the term "man"). He is a danger to you. He apperently has a lot of "demons" with which he hasn't dealt.
I wish you the best of luck!

[Annaliese]

I am sorry, and hugs.

[kathrynjanos]

First you don't condone violence.... saying a man shouldn't hit a woman...

But then, you go on to advocate it? How is that right? You teach a boy not to hit a girl, but it's ok for a girl to beat a boy senseless? What planet are you on? This is not the way for this boy at all and I'm disgusted you'd even say such a thing. If the boy did this, he's a boy, they do that sort of thing, they look at porn, hell most of the CD's on this forum dressed as girls before they started school, so don't lecture :rolleyes: gads :Angry3:

Out of morbid curiosity, you did READ the OP? Her son was caught TAKING PICTURES OF HIS NAKED STEPSISTER without her knowledge or permission!!! That is CRIMINAL. The daughter should be allowed to pulverize the little SOB. Reading comprehension is obviously not taught in enough schools.

Now, clearly, you also read WAY too literally into things. I think my suggested solution is obviously over the top and way too excessive a response. Not that he wouldn't deserve it. Do you think that 'upskirt' shots taken in public are acceptable? This isn't a "boys will be boys" situation.

I never said that a man shouldn't hit a woman, exactly the opposite. When a woman feels it necessary to attack a man and initiate a fight, then she by all rights has opened herself to reprise. Naturally, I'm not talking about a slap or anything of a mild nature, I'm referencing a true forceful attack, the man has every right to defend himself. That said, I DO believe that violence is all too common and needs to be reduced. A sardonic statement is not indicative of a true belief. (It doesn't change my mind however that the boy deserves whatever he gets out of the stepsister.)

So clearly I'm on planet Earth. You, on the other hand, are observing from a distance through a mild fog. I'd appreciate your hand in comprehending before responding.

[Tamara Croft]

Erm, get your facts straight AND LEARN TO READ AND DON'T YELL AT ME!!

On the night of Jan 26, while I was in class, my husband got a hold of my 15 year old son's laptop. I am not sure why he was snooping on it... but he found a picture of his daughter on my son's computer...it was taken under the bathroom door and she was naked. Just tell me what part of that says he was caught taking the damn picture? Who said he took it, where's the evidence, just because it was on his laptop, doesn't mean he did it. How do you know the father didn't do it? to set all this :BS: in motion eh? You don't. And the next time you want to quote me, get your facts right and you read the OP post your damn self :Angry3:

As for the rest of your sarcastic, obnoxious post, why don't you pull your head out of the clouds, this isn't the stone age, where people were stoned for doing wrong, this is the 21st century, and if you didn't know this, there are laws preventing cruelty to children. I hope you do not have any, I feel sorry for them if you do, you're nothing but an iron maiden.

[kathrynjanos]

Erm, get your facts straight AND LEARN TO READ AND DON'T YELL AT ME!!

Boy, you do live up to your signature, don't you? And yes, I do have an iron fist. But at least when I put someone to death (usually) I do it in a quick and painless manner. That's me, putting the Dick in Dictator. :devil:

[Tamara Croft]

Boy, you do live up to your signature, don't you? And yes, I do have an iron fist. But at least when I put someone to death (usually) I do it in a quick and painless manner. That's me, putting the Dick in Dictator. :devil:Slow and painful is much better ;)

[Bethany38]

First let me say I am truely sorry for all the drama you are currently facing. Now that I have said that, I need to say that it is time for you to get some legal representation. I have a strong feeling that your' situation is going to get really messy, really fast. I say that because of all of the info you have shared is telling me this is going to turn into a total S--t storm. I truely wish you did not have to go through this. I also agree with many here when I say that him using his daughters clothes to dress is really frakin weird. I am a father of a son and a daughter and this is something that creeps me out, the fact that he would use those particular clothes. I wish I could help you more, but this is way out of my league.


Bethany

[stabile]

A lot of good advice and consolation has already been given, so I may not have anything original to add, but I do want to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that you and your family stay safe in the immediate future, and that you'll find a way to move on and heal in the long term.

[ashes]

Ok... Tamara and Kathryn you two should stop. Here's the way i see it. Tamara, you did overreact a little. ...HOWEVER... Kathryn I've learned the hard way to be careful with what you write as tone can be misinterpreted. Sarcasm and dramatization can be taken literally.
Moving on to the issue at hand. His hitting you was absolutely uncalled for. From what you said he shows some signs of bipolar disorder. You need to do a few things. First you should make sure your safe. File a police report. And get a restraining order. As for your son. At this age you need to have an open, honest relationship with him. Confront him. Talk to him.
If it was him there must be consequences. As for his ex. I don't know enough to make a judgement. I'm really sorry and hope this helps.:sad:

[Jess_cd32]

A poster made a very good point on page two, you should ask your son to come clean on what he's done so far, if anything else, regarding the 12 y/o daughter.
Hopefully like Marla and I said, this was just a stupid thing he did and only once. I could understand that stupidity and forgive it, but I would be very pissed off just the same. I'm just hopeing he didn't email it out to anyone now and you better ask, kids do dumb stuff all the time.

I said to not meet with him because I've seen the results on the news enough if it ever did go bad, better safe than sorry. I don't know your husband and why he snapped, but hitting you like that full force showed he's out of control, at least at that moment he was. You know him better than we do so trust your instincts.

It seems it was his ex wife that initiated and told you about his prior behaviour, I think that really upset him that you were aware of it when you told him. The reason I'm concerned for his daughters' well being is that he's using her items to cd, a 12 y/o girls, that crosses the line and sends a bad signal to all of us I'd dare say. Good luck, this is a tough situation for all involved.

[battybattybats]

Tamara has raised several important points!

Yes, breaching the husbands right to privacy was unethical. A clear wrong!

All cases of snooping were also wrong. And yes the boys taking images of the girl was criminal and unethical (the snooping on his computer that found the image may also have been criminal). It is also worth dealing with the fact that peoples brains involving the areas to do with responsible decision making do not finish developing untill into a persons 20's! Ideology is meaningless against scientific facts! Society is going to have to grow up itself and begin to maturely look at these sorts of problems.

Not only do most men look at porn but so do many women. The Australian study called The Porn Report amongst other myth-busting mentioned that 1/3rd of the consumers of pornography are women!

Also some reports find women are the perpetrators of domestic violence almost as much as men. However they much less often inflict serious injuries or cause deaths. Less often does not mean don't, the weakest men are far weaker than the strongest women even if on average men are stronger than women. And rates of women comitting murder rape and child abuse are on the rise, though in some cases this is because courts are more likely to convict women these days when in the past women would often not be charged or would be found not guilty or recieve lesser sentences becaus of sexist attitudes that women could not commit such crimes. Still women who have sex with underage boys and girls usually receive far lower sentences than men do i the same circumstances.

So folks, we need to get over some sexism here, women or men should not hit others except in self defence. The boy did wrong if he took the picture sure but that was being handled correctly by all accounts. The wife shouldn't have breached the husbands confidance if she brought it up or the ex-wife shouldn't if she was the one to bring the subject up as that was a clear wrong. The husband should not have assaulted the wife. The husband is clearly not in a state of full mental health and for his and his daughters sake needs to be directed to help ASAP. The wife and her son should protect themselves and ensure there is no direct contact without police/legal supervision and that only if neccessary.

And we all, every single one of us here, should do something to erase transphobia and ensure the next generation of CDs can be out and open as children so they dont end up filled with the self-hate that appears to drive this man to such irrational actions!

Cause everyone on this forum have the power to reduce the amount of self-hate in the next generation. CDs and GGs and GMs and TSs etc. We can all effect the future cases like this. If we act there ill be others and if we don't act there will eb less.

So we must be personally responsible for erasing transphobia and internalised transphobia! This horrible case is an object lesson for all here on this forum!

[dilane]

I'm so sorry to hear about your problems.

Your soon to be ex is a sick piece of work. Keep safe.

Sadly, yes, the lawyers will arrange to take as much money as possible. That's what they do for a living. When the money's gone, they'll walk away.

Unfortunately, no good deed goes unpunished, sometimes -- although it depends on the person.

You sound like you have a very mature outlook and grip on the situation, your kids are fortunate to have you.

Might you be able to use his assault on you to get a reasonable settlement in exchange for his avoiding prosecution, provided you lawyer can see fit to leave any left over for you?

Best,

Diane

[JulieK1980]

Tamara has raised several important points!

Yes, breaching the husbands right to privacy was unethical. A clear wrong!

All cases of snooping were also wrong. And yes the boys taking images of the girl was criminal and unethical (the snooping on his computer that found the image may also have been criminal). It is also worth dealing with the fact that peoples brains involving the areas to do with responsible decision making do not finish developing untill into a persons 20's! Ideology is meaningless against scientific facts! Society is going to have to grow up itself and begin to maturely look at these sorts of problems.

Not only do most men look at porn but so do many women. The Australian study called The Porn Report amongst other myth-busting mentioned that 1/3rd of the consumers of pornography are women!

Also some reports find women are the perpetrators of domestic violence almost as much as men. However they much less often inflict serious injuries or cause deaths. Less often does not mean don't, the weakest men are far weaker than the strongest women even if on average men are stronger than women. And rates of women comitting murder rape and child abuse are on the rise, though in some cases this is because courts are more likely to convict women these days when in the past women would often not be charged or would be found not guilty or recieve lesser sentences becaus of sexist attitudes that women could not commit such crimes. Still women who have sex with underage boys and girls usually receive far lower sentences than men do i the same circumstances.

So folks, we need to get over some sexism here, women or men should not hit others except in self defence. The boy did wrong if he took the picture sure but that was being handled correctly by all accounts. The wife shouldn't have breached the husbands confidance if she brought it up or the ex-wife shouldn't if she was the one to bring the subject up as that was a clear wrong. The husband should not have assaulted the wife. The husband is clearly not in a state of full mental health and for his and his daughters sake needs to be directed to help ASAP. The wife and her son should protect themselves and ensure there is no direct contact without police/legal supervision and that only if neccessary.

And we all, every single one of us here, should do something to erase transphobia and ensure the next generation of CDs can be out and open as children so they dont end up filled with the self-hate that appears to drive this man to such irrational actions!

Cause everyone on this forum have the power to reduce the amount of self-hate in the next generation. CDs and GGs and GMs and TSs etc. We can all effect the future cases like this. If we act there ill be others and if we don't act there will eb less.

So we must be personally responsible for erasing transphobia and internalised transphobia! This horrible case is an object lesson for all here on this forum!

Well worth quoting. :2c:

[Jacky Aikou]

Corrine, what a horrifying post. What could have been going through your future ex's mind when he abused you like that?? No decent person would ever act like that. Godspeed in putting him and all this pain far, far behind you.

[Lilia]

Corrine, please stay safe and take care of yourself. It does seem your soon-to-be ex does not have any self restraint and is fighting internal demons. The only solution is to step away or you will be pulled into the vortex.

[Corrine GG]

First of all, his daughter didn't know it happened.
I am not making excuses, just explaining that she was just an opportunity. As a local police officer said of the incident "no different than when I tried to peep in on my cousins changing when I was a boy"

Let me also add that I asked my husband NUMEROUS times to make her put clothes on, to talk to his ex-wife about the clothes she sent over. I even said “Please ask her to send suitable clothes, she needs to remember that she is coming into a house with 2 teen boys who are not related to her.” I hid shorts with a 1 inch inseam, and CUTE written across the butt. I BOUGHT her clothes to wear at our house that wear more appropriate.

Second of all, when I found a toddler’s bathing suit cut up and fashioned into a thong, I confronted him about it.
He laughed, "Oh that, it's just a joke, it belongs to my ex-wife."

I don't know about you guys, but I think that the excuse he gave me after 2.5 months of marriage opened the door for me to ASK HER ABOUT THE THONG. Especially since it was FOUND in the bag he takes to work every day.

No, it wasn't hers...she was reluctant to tell me what exactly it was. Along with the trinkets of jewelry, I first thought he was a serial killer
.
I didn't betray him by talking to his ex-wife about his crossdressing. He basically made me.

As far as his daughter goes...I think he's ****ed up. Not too long ago we made her go through her clothes and get rid of anything that didn't fit. I saw the big pile of clothes in the floor and I reminded her to go through her panties too (i knew they were too small). She said ok. Later on I went up there and the pile contained no panties. I opened the drawer, no panties there either.

I asked her father, "What the hell happened to all the panties?? He was like, "oh....well....uh....I don't know..." and changed the subject. He also doesn't have a problem showing strangers the naked picture of his daughter....The policeman who helped me get my clothes and toiletries for the night (i didn't report the abuse til later) This is also the man who said he would "Be so proud if she posed for Playboy"

Oh yeah...when she comes over, he makes her go get his brush and brush his hair...for like, half an hour. This always creeped me out.

[emmicd]

Dear Corrine,

I am very saddened to hear your story and I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You seem like such a sweet and gentle caring soul and it's a shame your situation has taken such a violent and tragic turn. I believe you need to summon all your strength as a young woman and take care of yourself and your family and focus on you. You have been very sympathetic and accepting of your husband's situation and it's very unsettling what he has done through his anger. You do not deserve this. You are truly special and I hope you can find yourself in a better situation and that you stay strong and hold on to the love you hold. May God bess you and help you through these trying times!

emmi

[Elizabeth2-]

1. Get a physical exam of your injury including mri of the "impact zone"..

2. File an affidavit for spousal abuse and prosecute it.

3. Please post how we girls can help.

Lol,

Liz

[carolinoakland]

Run baby, run as fast as you can. Carol

[Jess_cd32]

Hi Corrine,
After your last post now my suspicions have turned to real fear for this 12 y/o girl. I'm getting the feeling that daddy knows his daughter better than we thought and not in a good way. This stuff does happen, not saying its a fact but it leads me to think it has now.
I've personally seen such a senario and a neighbor once told me the girl once said 'my dad tought me everything I know about sex':eek: This particualr family was the most screwed up I've ever seen. I hope it wasn't really true because I find that behaviour beyond sick and repulsive.

I'm sure your angry beyond words, and I believe what you've said regardless. I don't and haven't blamed you for talking to his ex, I'm with you that you should have, this is a serious matter. Sounds like his ex isn't all that stable either if she allows her daughter to wear such clothing at that age, what the hell are these two thinking.
A 12 y/o wearing shorts with a 1" inseam with 'cute' on the rear end, all I can do is shake my head to that one. I hope these two don't mind that they'll be grandparents soon enough, its sad.

It's to bad that you won't be part of the 12 y/o's upbringing now, it seems you were the only one watching out for and trying to make the right decisions for her. As the others have said, run like hell. This was a blessing to have happen now for you rather than later, you'll survive and be all the better for it, my thoughts are with you.

This thread makes me want to change my signature to 'Run Corrine Run'!!!!

[Senban]

This whole thread is a minefield and a few people should stop boinging around on pogo-sticks I think :doh:

Regardless of all other issues here, the one that really does worry me is this man who wears his daughter's clothing in this way. There's something deeply disturbing about what I'm reading here and I think professionals need to be brought in as quickly as possible so they can investigate and ensure the safety of all concerned.

And Corinne, if I'd been in this kind of situation, I'd have asked his ex-wife about stuff too and damn the consequences of being called a snooper! Under normal circumstances sure, a person's past is private unless they choose to tell you but sometimes circumstances compell us to break the usual barriers, especially when there is suspicion of something like this. Been there, done it and would damn well do it again!

Oh, and what Kittypw said too! :thumbsup:

EDIT - Also, anyone with some basic PC skills should be able to tell you what camera those photos were taken on, when and when they were put onto the PC. Possibly even by who (or at least who was logged in at the time). Maybe that will help you get some more facts together Corinne?

[MAJESTYK]

I have sat back and held my tongue on this for a while because I am very opinionated on such things, but here goes.....
I am glad you got away and hope that you manage to stay so.
Next, excuse the testosterone but I have ZERO tolerence for "men" that hit women. He is a perverted piece of **it and sickness or no, should meet someone who will prove that to him.

My apologies to anyone I may have offended with my statement, but i have a daughter and a wife who have both been abused and that kind of pain does not heal and should neither have to be incured nor should it ever be tolerated .

[Kitty Sue]

Sad story. Whatever you do, stay away from the SOB who is your "husband."

[annabear99]

Things happen for a reason. Sounds like you may be better off without this guy. Too bad the attorneys have to get rich on this though. Maybe he would agree to at least trying to work out the divorce details with some give and take for both sides. It would save you both money.

Also, it was nice to hear how understanding and accepting of his CDing you have been. Sure lots of us dreaming our SO would be that way.

Good luck to you

[Kerrie Sifton]

Very sad post Corrine, I wish you all the best in resolving this.
Unfortunately there are things your husband has not resolved in his own personal turmoil. For a partner of a crossdresser you certainly have made some accomodation to help him be somewhat of what he wants to be.
And now for him it has come to a boiling point.. please take care, and I will say some prayers for you..

Kerrie

[Kayla Shadows]

OMG...I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.This is just...I dont know what to say...just really really wrong.It made me mad to hear he hit you.The crossdressing part goes way beyond my thoughts on what I see as ok.I read a lot of things that I thought were very odd.Some people have a very hard time accepting themselves.Some will never.Ive had issues at times but Im very happily way past them.I wish you the best and hope for better things.You will get through this and be happy again.Please let us know how all this plays out.Thank you for letting us know what going on.

[Alice Torn]

I am very sorry, and troubled by this awful situation. It gives cd's a very bad name, too. I agree with all the others, about seeking help ASAP, to protect you, and the kids, and a police report. I feel for him, too, in that he is going through his own living hell, and desperately needs help, a support group, therapy. Many men, who live lives of isolation, feel no one would understand, or accept them, loathe themselves, can snap,become violent. But, he is dangerous. You got away, good.