'Jung's Anima Theory' this may help you and your SO to better understand our cd'ing

[Jess_cd32]

Reading this theory this morning it struck me, my SO believes she truley HATES my being a cd because its not normal etc..., can you relate to that with yours as well? (Theory link at bottom)

Actually I've just discovered that she doesn't realize it but its my female persona qualities that she see's in me that she loves the most and that puts me way above the rest she's ever dated.

Now with my male persona its a night and day difference, that side of me she thinks she is in love with only. The reality is she's had plenty of problems with and dislikes about that part of me.

Personally I have already integrated my male and female persona's as one as is discussed in this theory, and I've never been happier.

I think this particular theory is a must read for not only cd's but our SO's as well to get further understanding of us. It has some very good points in its hypothesis. Maybe this can help some here.

Here's the link on this Anima Theory regarding crossdressing and its stages:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/anima.htm

and other theories about cd'ing....
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/essays.htm

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I don't think my spouse and most other care one whoot about a theory - they just see us as less than desireable

JoAnne Wheeler

[Sheila]

Jess, sad as it is .. you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink :sad:

[Jess_cd32]

I don't think my spouse and most other care one whoot about a theory - they just see us as less than desireable

JoAnne Wheeler

Thats why I posted this link, better they understand it than not and I think this will help. It also may help gain acceptance and it may not, but at least they will have a better handle of 'why'.
It has helped my SO significantly reading this, and myself as well in our own understanding of me being a cd.
I'm seeing more and more posts asking the questions that are answered here, at least theoretically. I think its worth the read and has alot of validity.

[JulieC]

Actually I've just discovered that she doesn't realize it but its my female persona qualities that she see's in me that she loves the most and that puts me way above the rest she's ever dated.
My compassion for neglected animals, my softer side, that I cry whenever I watch the movie Selena. Those are some of the traits she just loves about me the most. Well, thats my female side of me doing these things, she doesn't realize that.

Few people in relationships are able to selectively pick out femme/masculine traits and say "I only like THIS set of traits in you" (and the rest are annoying). The reality; whether a spouse knows about her partner CDing or not, she benefits from the CDing aspects.

My wife recognizes this, and would not have me any other way. She knows I'm not a typical "male" and prefers me that way.

[deja true]

Yeah Jess, I liked very much the portion you put into another thread earlier, and even tagged it so I could find it later. Tagged it here, too. This time I'll follow the link and read the whole thing.

Thanks!

:)

[Ruth]

Thanks for the link. I had found it once before, but lost it.
My therapist introduced me to the idea of the anima and I must admit I was surprised at how well it fit what I was going through.
I suspect that it does not fit everyone's transgender experience, but then we never supposed we were all the same, did we?

[Hope]

This is going to make for some interesting conversation here today. I think this theory is a must read for not only cd's but our SO's as well to get further understanding of us. It has some very good points in its hypothesis. This distance/ confusion between our SO's isn't good for any of us, maybe this can help some here.

Here's the link on this Anima Theory regarding crossdressing and its stages:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/anima.htm

and other theories about cd'ing....
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/essays.htm

I think what you are going to find is that for your SO, this is not an intellectual exercise. She doesn't dislike your dressing because she has spent significant amounts of time thinking carefully about the issue involved, and has come to a reasoned decision. It is an emotional issue. She does not like it because she sees a man in a dress and her knee-jerk reaction is "fag" or "wimp" or "weirdo." And it's not her fault - she has had years of training to develop those attitudes. Society works hard to reinforce those attitudes. Reading a horrendously boring psychological theory is not going to change that.

It's like people who say that homosexuality is wrong "because it's in the bible" but who never darken a door of a church more often than Christmas eve or Easter morning. They are using the bible excuse as a cover for their emotional disgust at homosexuality - but pointing out to them that they are not particularly religious people and don't follow any of the OTHER directions given by scripture is not going to change their mind about homosexuality. You have to speak to their emotional experience.

Intellectually she knows you are a great guy - or she would have bolted long ago - but what you have to confront is her emotional reaction.

[Kris Vasquez]

Thanks Jess. Very informative article. I have printed it and will let my wife read it. It's not so much supportive of what we do as much as one's understanding of why we do it.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Thanks, Jess. That was an excellent read and I can relate to a high degree. Some parts of it don't seem to embody my own feelings of my now and my past, but for the most part, it was right on target.

"It is consistent with the anima theory that the urge to crossdress may diminish as the anima is integrated into the personality..."

I'm not sure what to make of this portion of the article (the whole paragraph, not just the sentence I quoted). There have already been short periods in my life where I did not feel the need to crossdress, yet I still chose to do so when opportunity was there. It was still pleasant and enjoyable. Or perhaps that is right in line with the article. Hard to say. My mind is still processing some of it, I'm sure.

One thing is certain though - I never want my crossdressing to go away. It does in fact complete me in ways I can't imagine non-cd's will ever experience in their lives. I truly do love being a crossdresser. I truly love that part of myself so much. It was only after I accepted myself as a crossdresser (stepping out of the self-denial stage) that I really learned how to love myself after a lifetime of self-loathing.

I still wish I could have accepted this part of my life a lot sooner. I would have been a much happier person and probably more successful in life. In male-mode (as I am stuck in most of the week), I still feel the aggravation, frustration and depression I've suffered since early on in my life. I'm short-tempered, foul-mouthed, and often insensitive toward those around me. Embracing my feminine side has not really changed that - not when I'm in male-mode, anyway.

If I somehow found myself free of the necessity to work and could be whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, I'm sure my stress level would drop considerably. I'm also sure that I'd find that perfect balance between guy-mode and girl-mode. I cannot predict how I'd react in that situation, but I don't believe my personal desire to be feminine will ever go away. It is something I've always wanted and something that society has practically robbed me of with its rules and expectations. Jeez... I'm just sounding more like the article, the more I say, aren't I?

Anyway, I really don't think my crossdressing will go away. I don't want it to. I like what I can become. I like who I am as Gabrielle. I like what I see in the mirror... granted I do need a face lift (won't hide my vanity). In short, I love Gabrielle because she truly is my best side. Even my wife has realized this.

The last time I was in full makeup, my wife said she had never seen me smile so much in my entire life. Gabe doesn't smile much. Gabrielle practically can't stop smiling... or typing for that matter. lol

Anyway, great read. Done typing. I seriously need to get a grip on my run-away typing tendencies. So much on my mind though...

[Bridged]

[QUOTE=Hope;1624191]I think what you are going to find is that for your SO, this is not an intellectual exercise. She doesn't dislike your dressing because she has spent significant amounts of time thinking carefully about the issue involved, and has come to a reasoned decision. It is an emotional issue. She does not like it because she sees a man in a dress and her knee-jerk reaction is "fag" or "wimp" or "weirdo." And it's not her fault - she has had years of training to develop those attitudes. Society works hard to reinforce those attitudes. Reading a horrendously boring psychological theory is not going to change that.

Perhaps at first an SO's reaction will be emotional, but if any effort is put into coming to terms with the discovery, it then will become an intellectual one as well. At least for me it did. Found out.........emotional reaction.......very bad............. learned a bit.......got better.......learned more.......became accepting........still learning(see signature).

Bridged

[Alicia_lynn419]

Great link! But sometimes I feel weary from trying to explain/justify/convince people about who we are... I was worn out by my ex wife... Sometimes I wonder what the point is in continuing to try.. but I haven't given up yet.

As someone else said.. "You can lead a horse to water....."

[Jess_cd32]

........As someone else said.. "You can lead a horse to water....."

And some will drink the water and some won't, but isn't it worth it to bring them to the water for those that want a drink? ....the ones that won't will continue to go thirsty (remain ignorant of cd's).

Like Gabrielle said above, I also agree with most parts of this theory but not all.
This theory does make alot of sense overall in explaining our struggles within ourselves and how we can achieve that happiness we seek by integrating the two parts of us and have them thinking as one rather than a struggle between the two. I believe I'm there for the most part.

This is one reason I believe most every cd says "I feel all my stress leave me when I dress", is it the clothes only that we think? or is it because we can now be ourselves in total allowing our female side out, out of the closet we stick her in. Any part of us, specifically our fem side that is stiffled will cause frustration within ones self over time.

I also have no desire to reach the final stage were I no longer feel a need to dress in this theory, most don't want that final step either that I know.

[Satrana]

She doesn't dislike your dressing because she has spent significant amounts of time thinking carefully about the issue involved, and has come to a reasoned decision. It is an emotional issue.

I agree. The theory is fine for those who are open minded enough to want to learn. But too many SOs have no interest in learning as they are convinced their emotional response of disgust is correct since that corresponds with society's viewpoint. They know what they hate and nobody is going to talk them out of it.

It is a tough not to crack and it usually relies on some event which makes them reconsider about learning and adapting to crossdressing. Otherwise you are beating a dead horse.

[deja true]

.

This is one reason I believe most every cd says "I feel all my stress leave me when I dress", is it the clothes only that we think? or is it because we can now be ourselves in total allowing our female side out, out of the closet we stick her in. Any part of us, specifically our fem side that is stiffled will cause frustration within ones self over time.




No baby, it's not the clothes...it's what the clothes represent. And they don't even necessarily represent the idea of femininity. But they do represent the parts of our male lives that we think are missing...the sensitivity to others, the ablity to communicate with people without having that boasting and bragging testosterone thing get in the way, the possibility of feeling like an attractive person (even if it's just to ourselves).

Many who wear costimes (face it...our drag is a costume for the most part!) do it to get in touch with the elements they think are missing in their own lives. Among non-cd's, it's the nerds who wear football uniforms and StarWars soldier and barbarian costumes on Halloween to make up for a self diagnosed lack of machismo. Strait-laced girls dress as saloon girls and ho's to touch a little bit of the sensuality and sexuality they think are missing from their lives. Quiet introspective types get to be wild and animalistic as furries.

We just don't limit our 'costume' wearing to Halloween, 'cos we want...we need...to get in touch with those feelings that we feel are denied us as MEN more often.

(But what's it say about me if my costumes of choice aren't always demure and ladylike. I much prefer to emulate hard-nosed, kick-ass bitches! I much prefer a raised eyebrow and steady stare than a sweet smile and hands folded in the lap :D )

[Kate Simmons]

Deja pretty much summed it up for me. As Ericka I was in in-your-face tomboy despite my apparently demure demeanor and appearance.:)