Conversational gambits needed

[Rachel Ann]

I'm trying to think of things that I can allude to in conversation that will give me an idea about how someone would react if I tipped my hand to her.

Most of my friends are hip enough to talk about anything. How they would feel if actually confronted with something like this, I don't know.

I decided a while back that I would be out to one and only one person in RL. However the lady whom I did come out to is going to be unavailable for a long while, so I'm trying to think of another. I just don't want to make a mistake, it could have horrible consequences. :eek:

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The other criteria are pretty clear:

Must be a GG. (The only men I know who might be cool with this are gay or bi, and I don't want to open up that can of worms).

Someone who doesn't gossip, and keeps secrets.

Someone who wouldn't mind being the person I can talk to about this, and will be honest with me about that.

Someone who will be honest with me about everything regarding myself, CD and TG.

Someone who's bright and curious enough to follow the whole TG thing, not just the CD part.

Someone I've known for a long time, so that I can know these other things about her.

These are judgments that I will just have to make by myself. Fortunately, I have a number of women friends. :)

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So, getting back to the original question, any ideas for those gambits, ladies?

Thank you one and all!

[Sharon]

I'm curious as to why you feel that you have to share your secret with someone now, rather than wait for your friend to become available to you again.
Anyway -- those people I have been open with are those I had always felt comfortable talking about personal and intimate things with: my sisters; my one life-long, but now geographically distant from, best friend; and a couple other people I have been intimate with. And, of course, my late wife always knew about me.
So -- that's my only criteria -- that the person I confide this secret with be one I'm willing to confide and discuss anything with, and that they feel the same way towards me.

[Marla GG]

Hi Rachel Ann,

I can totally sympathize with your desire to have a good friend you can talk to about this. I don't have one; I wish I did :(

Anyway, if I were in your shoes (would they fit me? Bet you have some cute ones!) this is what I would do. You only want to test the waters at this point, right? So after deciding which of your women friends fits your criteria--excellent criteria, by the way--I would suggest bringing up the subject of crossdressing/transgenderism in a casual conversation. I don't know what you usually chat about with your women friends, but here are a few ideas based on the things my own women friends and coworkers like to talk about.....

Movies
"I rented the the cutest movie the other night. It was called Ma Vie en Rose and it was all about this little boy who likes to wear dresses....." Another good movie along those lines is The Dress Code with Shirley MacLaine. Of course there are other films you could bring up that deal with adult crossdressers (Just Like a Woman, Normal) but then you might be getting a little too close to home. I would also avoid bringing up any films that focus on drag queens (such as Priscilla or To Wong Foo) and any that use crossdressing only for comic relief. An exception might be Ed Wood, which although it is funny, is also very sympathetic towards the main character. The fact that he is played by Johnny Depp doesn't hurt either :)

Fashion
Now there's an endless source of conversation starters. It seems that some designer or other is always trying to introduce (again) the male twinset, male poncho, handbags for men, saris and sarongs, and so on. Male makeup is a good topic too. Just mention that you read an article/saw an ad/noticed someone wearing something on the street, and ask your friend what she thinks. Then steer the conversation toward a critique of the rigid clothing boundaries we have in our society.

Science, Medicine, and Health
I often hear or read little press releases about scientific studies that touch on gender issues in some way. The next time you hear about some study that points out a difference between men and women, you could mention to your friend that you don't seem to identify with the male group. She might say, "yes, I've noticed that you're not like most of the guys I know." There are many ways you could take it from there.

Other news stories
If she's a gal who's interested in politics or human rights, you could bring up a current news story dealing with discrimination against a transgendered person, or even a human interest story about a CD/TS. To reduce the chances of outing yourself prematurely, perhaps you could focus the conversation on F2M rather than M2F.

If she has kids.....
I have yet to meet a mom who hasn't dealt with the issue of her young child wanting to do "gender-inappropriate" things. I have also yet to meet a mom who doesn't love talking about her kids. Start a conversation around what she thinks about boys playing with dolls, dressing up, and playing with their mother's makeup.

Halloween
If all else fails, use the upcoming holiday as an excuse to talk about a costume you'd love to wear (just for fun, of course ;) ).

What not to do: DON'T comment on an item of her clothing and hint that you wish you could wear things like that. Creepy!

I wish you luck. I was on the verge on telling a friend about Angel last year. I had already mentioned that he buys his clothes in the women's section due to his size (at 5'4" it's hard to find men's clothes to fit him....pity.... :rolleyes: ). I had also talked about how we share clothes sometimes, how I love to see him wearing my sweaters and how he looks cute in pink and lavender. She found all this amusing and told me several times that she thought my husband was such a sweetie. Then one day we were talking about "dates from hell" back in our single days, and she was complaining about how she always attracted losers, perverts, and weirdos. She told me about a guy she dated who "seemed perfectly normal" and then on the third date revealed that he liked to wear women's clothes. Her disgust was obvious. Needless to say, I stopped with my plan to tell her.

Hope this helped a little. May you find acceptance and a good female confidante!

[Kimberly]

I honestly think that we attract people who are right for us as individuals... so:

Just come out to them. I came out to a dear friend today, and my only reason was to tell her so that her best friend (also a good friend of mine) could talk about me to her.
Now, of course, both of them know about my full identity, and have talked about taking me about shopping and dressing me up... :)

And her first word after me telling her? Look at the signature, honey. ;)

You may not have to test the waters, you may know already... that's my message today. (long, god damn, message!! :p)

[Rachel Ann]

Hope this helped a little. May you find acceptance and a good female confidante!
WOW Marla, what a bonanza of great ideas! :) Thank you so much. And of course, coming from a GG makes them even better ideas :D . Enjoy your vacation.



I'm curious as to why you feel that you have to share your secret with someone now, rather than wait for your friend to become available to you again.
Sorry, I meant a long long while. She's leaving the area. There will be the occasional email or phone call, but nothing face to face. I expect her to return one day, but no telling when that might be. I have to have at least one person to talk to in RL.

[DonnaT]

"You know, I haven't told many people this, but one of my relatives is a crossdresser. Do you know any crossdressers?"