just a fetish?

[patddfan]

could it be possible that I only see cross dressing as a fetish (to me)? anyone else ever felt this way too? help me! thanks!

[Ballerina]

Well, before I met my GF, it had pretty much been in the fetish realm for me. But after telling her, it has essentially matured. There's still that turn on for me with some items, just not like what it used to be.

I've heard that it's typical for crossdressing to start out as a fetish. It is said to come with that "forbidden" feeling, and the secrecy just builds it. I know that, like me, you're new to it all so it wouldn't surprise me if it does blossom into something into a more mature-ish form in the future.

[stephgoth]

For me my feminine leanings started when I was very young, then I denied and stuffed my feelings and the result came out recently as a crossdressing fetish. After a while I realized it wasn't a fetish, womens clothes don't turn me on at all anymore, not even undergarments. Female clothes just seem like a thing I need to do now. My therapist and I think that i have gender dysphoria issues i/e i'm not sure if Im a man or a woman and i feel a need to explore my feminine side.

Steph

[Rebecca Sue]

For me it's not a fetish but rather a wholesome activity.

[JessD76]

I used to think that dressing was a fetish for me. When I was married and wore my wife's clothes it would be a big turn on for me. Because of this fact, I felt that I was doing it out of being sexually excited over dressing. However, now that I am on my own, I still feel the need to dress. When I do dress, I do not get turned on by wearing my own panties. What I mistakenly thought was a fetish at the time, I now realize that I was turned on by the feeling of being close to my wife. The clothes had no part in it at all. At this point I'm still not sure why I feel the need to dress other than it is comfortable. So I go with it.

[Shannon]

In my teens, when I started dressing up, it was most definitely a fetish; I dressed up for sexual arousal. Then during a 24-year bad first marriage, dressing up became an escape and I dressed up to self-medicate. My self-medicating usually had a sexual component.

In the later years of my bad first marriage, I discovered chat rooms on the internet. My "dressing up" turned inward and I became Shannon in cybersex chat rooms -- always female, never male or a crossdresser. I "passed" as a female in the chat rooms easily.

The I separated and divorced. I started seeing a therapist for depression, to resolve all my messy feelings about my first marriage, and to resolve my crossdressing.

Over the last four years I have evolved to a totally different place. Crossdressing is no longer a sexual fetish for me. Crossdressing is about nourishing and liberating my femininity. I think my crossdressing is now a much "healthier" activity than when it was a fetish. I am now in my second marriage. I share my crossdressing with my wife. We have fun with it.

[Nicki B]

You're asking other people what you think and feel? :strugglin

I don't see how we can answer you..

[marla01]

One thing I've noticed over the years is that there seems to be a correlation between fetishism and being in the closet. Again and again, I've heard personal stories (including myself) of once the individual comes out of the closet and integrates their life, the fetish aspects diminish or disappear.

Now I have heard it argued by psychologist and the medical community that the fetishism is a base cause and being transgendered develops out of the fetishism.

I strongly disagree. I think the medical community has it backwards.

Instead of fetishism being a causal agent of becoming transgendered, I see the fetism as just being a symptom of suppressed transgendered needs. Fetishism acts as an outlet for suppressed desires and needs. As such, once the needs are met by integrating the whole human being (which coming out of the closet generally helps with), the fetishistic outlet is no longer needed and the fetishism disappears.

Marla

[Karren H]

Not to me it isn't...

[Sophia de la luz]

It's like anything... sometimes I use a spoon to eat, othertimes I'm washing the spoon, sometimes I'm buying a spoon. Sometimes the clothing is a real turn on, I think I look very attractive, othertimes it's something everyone does... wear clothing... sometimes I'm buying it, sometimes washing it.

[Hope]

You're asking other people what you think and feel? :strugglin

I don't see how we can answer you..

Nicki, why are you right all the time?

But to answer the OP's implied question - YES, it is absolutely possible that your dressing is fetishistic, and not a part of some form of TG experience. There are girls here who are totally into dressing just because it gets them off, and fully and completely understand themselves to be men. Good for them. There are also girls here who understand themselves to be females, trapped in male bodies, and dress because it is the only means of expression they have right now, and there are girls here who understand themselves to be female, who are actively pursuing or involved in SRS...

And everything in between.

So, yes, for you, dressing could be limited to a fetish activity. But we don't have any way of knowing how you feel. You have to figure that one out on your own.

[Ashlie Marie]

Like Some of you have said I think my dressing started as an fetish thing. I would wear dance costumes like all the time. but with the help of my wife. I have turned it into a life style :-)

[rachelgirlnw]

Yes, I echo Shannon's message. Fetish-like when it was new to me, but I was still in denial. I think the "taboo" factor helped fuel the fetish.

Started getting some counciling for for mild depression. Came out to my therapist. Much more peaceful and accepting, not so fetishy now...

[docrobbysherry]

could it be possible that I only see cross dressing as a fetish (to me)? anyone else ever felt this way too? help me! thanks!

U haven't mentioned how long you've been dressing. That seems to have some bearing on it.

I've been dressing for about 11 years. Definitely a fetish dresser. Still waiting for my fem side to surface! I'm PRETTY SURE it's hiding in there somewhere!:eek:

[Fionax]

After many years of personal debate, I have come to the conclusion that whilst, like us all, I have a feminine component; but that my desire to dress is a fetish. There are those people who dress in diapers and little bootees and frills who obviously are n't searching for their baby selves and am I not in reality just like them? I want to look like a woman from top to bottom, from inside to out, but it has to be a certain style. Tee shirt, jeans and sneakers do not to me, a woman make.

I spend a worrying amount of time thinking about women's clothes and search for the particular image that I have in mind until I have managed to buy it and dress in it. That, after sixty years gives me a thrill: yes, in my now distant youth, I used to pray that I would wake up as a girl, but now I need to become one for my own satisfaction. Judging by the comments on my youtube videos others feel the same.
http://www.youtube.com/user/Fionaxcd

For some of us it is almost a personal mile stone...to pass; but for others there truly are those who go all the way as they are not happy in their male persona. By no stretch could that be thought of as a fetish. As others have said only you know what drives you.

Fiona

[Briana Blonde]

<-- Transvestic fetishist here.

[pantyhose lover]

Like almost everyone else on here, I would say it started off as a fetish. I think it still is. The only time i feel like want to dress up more is when I think about it a lot.

[deja true]

So what if it's "only" a fetish!

Nicki and Hope and RobbySherry and many others are on the right track.

If it is, it's no big deal! Do you use it to hurt anyone? Do you enjoy it?

Are you comng to a better understanding of your self and your own needs?

Nothing ever remains the same. All things change...including ourselves...

Don't beat yourself up over pleasing yourself!

[Kate Simmons]

It depends on the person and their outlook really. It can be a fetish for women as well, ya know. The other thing to consider is if it's seen as something "special" or just clothes.

[Marjory]

I know I started out with a shoe fetish, but from there it drifted rather rapidly to other women's clothing. By my 20's it was still sexual. Somewhere after age 35 I realized it was part of me and seemed very relaxing, exhilarating and natural at the same time. Now, at age 66, it is the one thing that can relax me in stressful times... to the point that I am going to slowly break it to my wife.

[Juanita O]

Not to me it isn't...

:iagree:

[Leelou]

This is an interesting topic. While my early experiences in dressing definitely were part fetish, I would also say that for me there was a part that was truly gender-identity--if that makes sense.

[Jess_cd32]

Far from being a fetish for me, its a major integral part of me. Now that doesn't mean I wouldn't dress in a fetish outfit for a theme though maybe:)

[JoAnne Wheeler]

In the beginning of my crossdressing, there was a small "fetish aspect", but

that aspect no longer exists - for me, crossdressing is the ultimate expression

of my true self

JoAnne Wheeler

[jacques]

Hello,
My fetish for wearing tights (pantyhose) has evolved as I get older and perhaps because of changing circunstances. Now my children have grown up and left home I don't just like to wear tights under my jeans I like to see my legs in the tights so I wear skirts or shorts. And, as my wife says, perhaps our inhibitions start to go as we get past "middle aged".
luv Jacques

[Crissy Kay]

Yeah, I belive I never left the "fetish" stage myself, but I am very happy there!! Even after all the time I have been on the forum, I still have zero interest in wearing womans street clothes, skirts,dresses, etc.

[Ralph]

A very common theme among crossdressers is that it started for us in our preteen/early teen years and first manifested as a fetish that gradually faded until there was just a satisfying feeling of safety and comfort while dressed.

I was explaining this to a TS the other day (turns out they're as confused by us as we are by them) and it occurred to me - at the age when most of us first experience the urge to crossdress, *everything* is a turnon. I mean, when I was that age any contact with Little Ralphie, however fleeting or tenuous, would stir up the hormones into a hurricane. A strong wind, a pretty girl walking by, my own hand brushing across my lap as I sat down, a fold in my jeans... you get the idea.

So despite my complete lack of exposure to any kind of actual psychological studiess and complete ignorance on the topic, I've developed a theory. My theory is that it's not specifically the dressing that's the fetish; it's everything. As we mature and our hair-trigger responses fade, so does the association of dressing (and strong winds et al) with sex.

Or to misquote Freud, sometimes a silk panty is just a silk panty.

Does that make sense?

ralph

PS - Katie, once again you said it far better than I could. Quit that!

[sarahNZ]

[QUOTE=Katie B;1628502] Are you unable to make love unless she (or you) has a particular garment on?

If so, then it's a fetish, and you need psychiatric help because you're (presumably) suffering from lack of a normal sex-life. [QUOTE]


Sorry Katie but it makes it hard to have a meaningful sexual relationship with some one that isn't there.:tongueout ... If I tried that people would look at me even funnier than they do already :heehee:

[kellycan27]

Not a fetish. If not for female clothing I'd have to run around naked, and nobody wants to see that !

[Leylats]

Blimey so that's what it is then it's a fetish.....well i never :devil: never has been and my god never will be.....

[Alie66]

Hi Everyone

A cracking topic and it's got me thinking about myself.

I certainly started off wearing pantyhose as a big turn on, then started wearing skirts and heeled shoes. Now I'm confused as sometimes I just like to sit wearing my ladies attire and other times get really turned on by it. My wife knows what I wear but doesn't get involved apart from in the bedroom on the odd occasion.

Maybe now that i'm getting older I want to investigate my feminine side a bit more and try going all the way (make up and all).

Lots of Luv Alie

[Annie D]

Like many who have posted before me, yes I think that initially dressing was a fetish because of the sexual arousal especially if you started at a young age. The one thing that makes me think that our crossdressing has stopped being a fetish is that many of us, even though we may be married or have a SO, have considered breast implants, laser hair removal, permanent type make up etc. These elements in our thoughts and actions do not cause (at least for me) sexual arousal but allow me to become more feminine in my presentation and self awareness of Annie.

[Tina B.]

Fetish, I don't think so. I started dressing as a small child, sex was not even on the horizon, then as i got older, it did take on some aspects of a fetish, but then I out grew that, and fond it was better with a girl! Now at my age sex is just not an issue that often, but the dressing has gotten better. The dressing just seems to make me complete.
Tina

[Ruth]

There's going to be a lot of individual answers to this question, because we all CD for slightly different reasons.
I believe that for all of us at some point in the journey there is a fetish aspect to CDing, especially when we were young. Some of us find all they want in the fetish behavior, others find there are other aspects that they increasingly concentrate on.
It's your journey and you have to find out where you are going.

[patddfan]

Well, before I met my GF, it had pretty much been in the fetish realm for me. But after telling her, it has essentially matured. There's still that turn on for me with some items, just not like what it used to be.

I've heard that it's typical for crossdressing to start out as a fetish. It is said to come with that "forbidden" feeling, and the secrecy just builds it. I know that, like me, you're new to it all so it wouldn't surprise me if it does blossom into something into a more mature-ish form in the future.

if that's true, then I'm going to be in trouble when it does mature (and she finds out.) she's going to leave me when the truth is revealed! I have only really been dressing up since 12/23/08, with a few random trials as a teenager.

[Ballerina]

if that's true, then I'm going to be in trouble when it does mature (and she finds out.) she's going to leave me when the truth is revealed!

Well, what I meant was that it would become less and less of a fetish, and more about finding yourself, and feeling comfortable expressing yourself as both genders (or one)

[Adrianna_Sofia]

My turn, my turn...hehehe...Time to put on my nurse's cap:) CD'ing as part of a fetish is an actual diagnosed condition according to DSM and is technically called Transvestic fetishism...This happen when a person, particularly a man since the condition is ony defined in men specifically men attracted to women, cross dresses and is aroused feminine fineries. A transvestic fetishist might undergo episodes of purging as a mechanism of guilt once he realizes it and when his SO objects to his dressing..

SO...

Does it mean that those who are aroused by women's clothing and undergo episodes of dressing and purging transvestic fetishist, which is a diagnosed psych conditon?

It first has to meet and satisfy both criteria....
1. Recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviour, involving cross-dressing.
2. This causes clinically significant distress or impairment, whether socially, at work, or elsewhere

So if it doesn't really cause that much of a distress to you, as it does not seem to be distressing to most of the gals here on this board, then probably it is not "just a fetish"...Your call...:)

[Sheila]

I believe (I) many whether they admit to it or not are fetish cdrs, ................... again I said MY beleif, and many not all ....... and that is based on my personal observations on the numerous forums I have joined since being involved in this lifestyle

[Cary]

I won't lie. I'm still in the fetish stage, but in recent months I feel it changing into something more healthy. The more I interact with caring and understaning CDers and non-CDers, the more I learn and grow. I started here as lusting for her clothes, now I'm just Cary.

[NicoleScott]

It started as a fetish for high heels and lipstick decades ago. My dressing still is fetish-based. I love to dress and make up completely, the works, and make it all overdone. I have discovered some minor fetish things, such as wigs an eyelashes, but not nearly as strong as high heels and lipstick. My fetishes have not "matured" into something else, or something "more healthy". I love to make up and dress for the excitement it brings. My reason for cd-ing has not changed.

[deja true]

I don't think of myself as a fetish dresser any more, hunny, but...

there is this passionate urge thing for SHOES!

:D

(oh...and makeup....and belts....and wigs.....and bras.......and ........and.......oops!)

[alexmusic]

I am also in the group of ladies that begun very young and had my CD’ing develop into a fetish, arousal was always a big part of it for me and along with arousal came the good old catholic guilt and the need to stuff it way down in the closet and it would only surface as a fetish.

But after finally coming out to my therapist I realized that at least for me the arousal is natural as I am a sexual being regardless of my clothing, but I only feel actually attractive when en fem and it sparks the desire to not only be sexual but partner up as I feel more comfortable with myself and more willing to share with someone who will take the real me, I don’t feel this way when in drab.

Now days it is different because most of the time I just want to wear a little bit of makeup, a cute top, skirt maybe some jeans and just go about my day in girly fashion, where as before I just wanted to dress as provocative as I could and get off and stuff it all back in the closet again with out giving it a second thought.

I think once I realized it was more than just a fetish but actually who I am and that the sexual component is just a natural part of my human self I was able to realize it was way more than just a fetish but called it a fetish so I could justify it in some way to the nun with the ruler I had living in my mind for 25 years.

[Alana Lucerne]

As others have said, it is possible it is a fetish. Perhaps it will evolve into more extensive crossdressing, perhaps not. There is a whole continuum of behaviors between dead and parachute sex and each one of us is somewhere in that spectrum. And every one of us is at a slightly different point

Deciding if it is a fetish or something else doesn't really answer any questions, it merely puts a name on it. Like the mechanic who says your fremistran is broken. It tells you nothing.

What is important is how you feel about what you are doing. Are you comfortable with it? If not, how do you get comfortable with it? These are more important than the name.

Alana

[Veronica75]

Strangely, for me it probably started as something more than just a fetish and later became just that. When I first started dressing I SO wanted to live as a girl full time, or even just go out and pass (in retrospect, I was very thin and lanky as a teenager and easily could have passed had I known more about dressing, makeup, etc.).

In my early 20's I had an ongoing thing with a guy, I guess you could say I was dating him, and he brought up the idea of me moving in with him and going femme full time. I seriously considered it (and God knows where my life would be if I'd said yes) but by then I had decided that being full time wasn't for me.

Now it's reached a stage where I have no interest in being a full-time woman at all, but dress for the thrill and the feeling of freedom and desirability it gives me, so I guess it's come down to the "fetish" level. That's a big part of why I'd never (willingly) come out to my wife-- part of what makes it fun for me is that it's this special place that is something apart from the pressures of my daily life. Coming out would just spoil that (and as alexmusic said above, remove that wonderful Catholic guilt as well :D ).

[mklinden2010]

>>> just a fetish?
could it be possible that I only see cross dressing as a fetish (to me)? anyone else ever felt this way too? help me! thanks!


Sure, you could see it that way; your choice.

And, yes, lots of people feel that way at one time or another.

Good luck and good living.

[marla01]

It just occurred to me that although I do not consider my transgenderism to be fetishistic and it hasn't been for 20 years, I went to a fetish party last Friday and wore my sexiest fetish gear :-)

There was a lot of great fetish gear there, only a few T's. For those that know the BDSM community, one of the top bondage mistresses in the country, Midori, was there and fun to talk to. Some nice demos as well.

Marla

[Tommie T.]

Does it truly matter?I get pleasure out of dressing and feel when I'm presenting as a woman it is me-if only at that moment.Others are different.Are they right and I'm wrong.Is sex involved-sometimes,not always.Enjoy what you derive from your cd and leave the pyscho babble to the shrinks-we know they're not normal!

[VtVicky]

There has been a lot of information and opinion offered on this topic. Some of the info is on target. Some of it is more opinion than fact.

In Kaplan and Saddock's Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry, "fetish" is described as the "...use of a non-living, inanimate object as the preferred or necessary ADJUNCT to arousal, sexual activity, or orgasm...." (The emphasis is mine.)

Fetishes are not a substitute for sex, but an adjunct.

The word itself is rooted in "magical connection". A fetish is a learned connection between an inanimate object and sexual arousal. That is why so much of it is connected to intimate female clothing, since women's clothing is so connected to women, and, therefore to "normal" sexual arousal. Socialy, it is acceptable for someone to be aroused by women's panties on a woman, but not on themselves. If the panties can arouse the man without the woman, they must be "magical". (For a more indepth discussion, look up "Classical" or "Pavlovian" Conditioning in any decent Psychology text book.)

During Puberty, many things can arouse a boy. (As has been noted already.) If he has access to womens clothing during his early experiences with sexual arousal, he can be expected to transfer some of the arousal that occurs naturally in his atmosphere, to the garments he is exposed to.

Now, while this explanation is useful to understanding a learned fetish, it does little to explain the CDer whose experience is a sense of the wrong gender since before puberty.

Fetish is different from Transgender. Both cross dress but for significantly different reasons. Even though, over the course of their development, there sometimes seems to be some parallels.

Luckily, on this forum, we all get a voice, and a place at the CDing table.

[patddfan]

There has been a lot of information and opinion offered on this topic. Some of the info is on target. Some of it is more opinion than fact.

In Kaplan and Saddock's Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry, "fetish" is described as the "...use of a non-living, inanimate object as the preferred or necessary ADJUNCT to arousal, sexual activity, or orgasm...." (The emphasis is mine.)

Fetishes are not a substitute for sex, but an adjunct.

The word itself is rooted in "magical connection". A fetish is a learned connection between an inanimate object and sexual arousal. That is why so much of it is connected to intimate female clothing, since women's clothing is so connected to women, and, therefore to "normal" sexual arousal. Socialy, it is acceptable for someone to be aroused by women's panties on a woman, but not on themselves. If the panties can arouse the man without the woman, they must be "magical". (For a more indepth discussion, look up "Classical" or "Pavlovian" Conditioning in any decent Psychology text book.)

During Puberty, many things can arouse a boy. (As has been noted already.) If he has access to womens clothing during his early experiences with sexual arousal, he can be expected to transfer some of the arousal that occurs naturally in his atmosphere, to the garments he is exposed to.

Now, while this explanation is useful to understanding a learned fetish, it does little to explain the CDer whose experience is a sense of the wrong gender since before puberty.

Fetish is different from Transgender. Both cross dress but for significantly different reasons. Even though, over the course of their development, there sometimes seems to be some parallels.

Luckily, on this forum, we all get a voice, and a place at the CDing table.

I'm happiest when I am a girl, but it still scares me the most too. I just don't want my girlfriend leaving me because I love bella donna as much as I love her! she is making this very hard on me, and I'm getting very depressed! I hope she can accept me and Bella Donna one day!

[Vickii*]

To me it is a fetish but I do get an emotional kick from it that I can't get from anything else. I think it is a bit deeper than a fetish for me.

[NicoleScott]

When this topic comes around every now and then, there seems to be a sense that those whose dressup activities are fetish-based are engaging in deviant behavior and are a little psychologically off-kilter, as opposed to those who dress as a normal and natural expression of their femme selves. Just my observation. Hey, we're men in dresses. What does it matter why?

[patddfan]

it matters because my girlfriend doesn't accept it. if she doesn't accept me, then I'll risk losing her forever! she's the only reason I ask!

[Ralph]

it matters because my girlfriend doesn't accept it. if she doesn't accept me, then I'll risk losing her forever! she's the only reason I ask!

Well then, patddfan, only you can answer your question. Do you get aroused when you dress? Are you ONLY able to get aroused when you dress? If your girlfriend said it was either her or the dressing, which would you give up?

If it's something that turns you on and you have a much more fulfilling sexual experience when you dress, she needs to know that. There's a good chance she would not want to be a part of that. But if it's something that helps you feel more complete without sex being a part of the equation, if it would be possible (albeit painful) to give up the dressing for her sake, then she needs to know that too. Once she understands that you enjoy her company (and physical intimacy) without any necessary clothing, once she understands that CDing makes you content but isn't more important than she is... only then can the two of you work out what she can and can't accept in your (her) life. Hopefully she won't be threatened by it and she will be willing to work out some boundaries that give you time to dress and her time to have her man as all the man she expected when she met you.

Look for the word "boundaries" in searches and read up other discussions on the subject. It's *essential* that whatever boundaries she agrees to, you don't push or try to change her. Time will do that. Your job is to respect her limits 100% - no sneaking around on her when you think you can get away with it, no lying.

If you can manage that, you'll have a partner for life.

ralph

[Hope]

it matters because my girlfriend doesn't accept it. if she doesn't accept me, then I'll risk losing her forever! she's the only reason I ask!

If she doesn't accept you for who you are, you have already "lost" her. In fact, she never had you. All that is left is the paper work. Unless you are ready to live your life with someone who doesn't accept you, or live in hiding for fear of being caught... or worse yet live the rest of your life repressing yourself (that won't work - but feel free to give it a go) then your relationship is already over. Seriously, rip this band-aid off and move on with your life.