One of my questions

[RonnieGG]

I don't mind my husband using make up(he does it very well) or the shirts, handbags or jewelty I can't look at him in dresses or skirts. He asked me once hope he looked in a special dress & I freaked out I felt bad but I could not handle that it was as if the man I married was not there even though I knew it was him How do I handle this

Help

RonnieGG

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Ronnie

You and your husband need to agree on what is acceptable to you both
This is not easy for you I know It could be made better letting him enjoy his dressing when you dont need to see

I also know it wont be easy for him to give up dressing at times but it mighthelp you both till you can discuss the problem :hugs:

[Samantha B L]

Hi Ronnie,

Welcome to the forum. It's impossible to quit crossdressing for good and many of us in the forum have only been able to stop for awhile. Maybe you could give husband a few hours once in awhile to dress and you could just go out for coffee or go into some other part of the house. I realize all this is in a way,burdensome for people who are unfamiliar with crossdressing. But he probably can't quit for longer than about 3-4 months without getting very anxious to do it again. I know I can't! There are plenty of mental health professionals who don't think CD'ing is mental illness and some of them seem to think it's neurological or hormonal in nature and that it runs in families. It's great that you've come here to talk this out and that you're not just jumping to conclusions! And there is a thread in the forum somewhere just for GG's!

Best, Samantha

[RonnieGG]

Ny husband & I have spoke about this He has a room upstairs that is all his I do not go there He does go to a support goup which has helped alot He now opens up to me more He has asked if we could go out with hom as a CD I said ok but not the dress I feel that I let him down but I really get upset with the dress thing & I cannot understand why

RonnieGG

[TxKimberly]

Hello Ronnie,

And welcome to the forum! Like the others have said and like most everything else in a marriage, you two need to come up with the compromise that works for you. Frankly, most of us are just thrilled that we have been honest with our wives and they still love and accept us. If you can't stand seeing it, then let him know your not ready for that. If you can, try and be nice about it and not mean. Again, sound advice for any discussion in a marriage. Now the catch is, you really need to give him some chance to be free. maybe you go to the movies and leave the house to him, or get him hotel once every few weeks. He gets to be pretty for a while, and you don't have to see things that make you uncomfortable.
The fact that you know, still love him, and are trying to understand is the most precious gift you could possibly give. Now he needs to understand that YOU also have needs, fears, and limits, and you ARE entitled to express them.


. . . He has asked if we could go out with hom as a CD I said ok but not the dress I feel that I let him down but I really get upset with the dress thing & I cannot understand why. . .

That's OK, WE can't explain why we want to wear them, so that makes us even! :)

Again, welcome to the forum! :)

[RonnieGG]

My husband & do talk about how we feel I try to give him as must time as possible He has his support group once a week & he tells me what has happened He also tells me about other things the group does or is planning to do I tell him to go but he says he doesn't want to leave me along while he is out I'm retired & we live far from anyone & I cannot frive I toldhom to go & when things come up that I can attend I will gladly go ( as long as He does't wear a dress)

RonnieGG

[Shelly Preston]

I think you may need to approach this like conquering fear

Could it be the sudden shock of the dress that makes you uncomfortable You may need to get to a level of comfort at home before you step out into the world with him

Taking it slow works for most people and little by little you become used to some things

Its like an evolution process but under controlled conditions

[RonnieGG]

I will give that a try

RonnGG

[Jacquilynne]

Ronnie, Is is just the dress . . .if you all discuss things and maybe even other clothing options. There sure is a variety and not all skirts and dresses. :) that may be a compromise that will help. I rarely eve wear dresses or skirts out . .. but it seems as that is a bit different from most in here but I find I can be perfectly dressed in some nice womens jeans, heels and various tops . . . could be just me though.

I haven't worn dresses or skirts out due to this very fact, I think the shock on my wife would be great and I do not want to push the boundries of her comfort level as she is very accepting of Jacie. so If you could go out with her in as long as she wan't in a dress, discuss other options would be my advise.

Its great that you have come here to ask us for advice and I hope we can help at least somewhat. . . Talking about your boundries and getting a feel for what a good balance is . . . .is key to a healthy relationship.

Jacie

[Ralph]

Ronnie,

The fact that you're here asking questions tells us that you care. Hopefully by now reading through the reponses here, plus discussions elsewhere, you have come to realize that this isn't just a kinky hobby we enjoy because it turns us on. Most of us have wished we could be rid of the need, and have tried to "cure" ourselves by throwing everything away and denying our nature. But it always comes back, try as we might to put an end to it. Your husband probably can't even tell you why he is drawn to do it... but he can't stop it.

I'm sure you could, with drastic measures, forcibly stop him. When I was first discovering this side of myself and trying to understand if I was sick or gay or whatever, I ran across an old psychology book that advised shock and other aversion therapy to "cure" a crossdresser of his compulsions. So that would probably work, and leave a huge psychological scar.

I'm not saying you have to embrace it, or take him out dancing in his favorite dress, or indulge him by buying him stuff from the gals' side of the store. But I am asking you to understand that this is much deeper than you may realize, and nearly impossible to control. I'm sure he would stop if he could, if it meant that much to you, but his inability to stop doesn't mean he doesn't love you enough to care.

As others have said, try to find a compromise that works for both of you. If it makes you that uncomfortable, it's not reasonable of him to ask you to go out with him in public dressed up. As long as you're willing to give him time and space to nurture this other side of himself, he's darn lucky to have you and he should likewise respect your limits too.

Good luck, and thanks for caring enough to find out more.

ralph

[Intertwined]

My wife loves me very much, and I love her too.

She does not like to see me dressed, not only in women’s things, but, even men’s cloths that are pink or flowery, I don’t think it’s the cloths, it’s me being feminine.

I always carry some sort of purse, dressed or drab, except, when I am out with my wife, I usually put away the bag and use just my wallet (hate sitting on that thing).

Sure, I would love it if seeing me in feminine things did not bother her, but it does, and me asking her to accept seeing me dressed, would be no different than her asking me to not dress at all.

So we compromise.

[justmetoo]

Sounds like your heart is in the right place and that you want to be there for him. You say you do talk, so that's a very good thing. :D
Don't feel bad if there are things you can't handle at this point (or ever). It's not always easy for us CDr's either and we've usually been living with it for years and even decades!The main thing is to communicate with each other and see if you can figure out together what works for both of you. Marriage is a partnership, it takes two. If he's considerate enough to want to try to include you I'm sure he's considerate enough to listen to your concerns as well.

Best wishes! :D

[sissystephanie]

Ronnie, I was married for over 49 years to a very loving and supportive wife before I lost her to cancer. I told her about my CD activities before we were even engaged! She accepted me "as is", with one promise from me. That promise was, I was always her MAN, no matter what I had on! We used to go out as two girls, she always did my makeup and fixed my wig because I have never been very good at it. But when we came home I was her man!!!

Although I disagree with those who say a CD can't stop dressing, it doesn't really make any difference. Unless your husband has a sex change, he is still a man no matter how feminine his clothing is. If you put on a pair of his pants, does that make you a man? Of course not, you are still a GG no matter what you are wearing!

Just remind him that you married a man, and that you expect him to still be one! If he has a problem with that, then he needs counseling! God Bless you and your husband!

[emmicd]

Dear Ronnie,

I am a crossdresser and I am married with a son and I have tried many many times to stop wearing womens clothes but always came back to it because it makes me feel good and I am much more content in womens clothing. I especially love wearing dresses and swimsuits and body briefers. I certainly can understand your worry and concern and know that it is hard to accept this. I also know it is very hard to stop. You may have to have some long heartfelt talks and try to understand this side and encourage honesty and trust. It is a long winding road and it goes on forever until the end!

Good Luck to you both!

emmi

[Aaron Zwidling]

Hi Ronnie

My advice is give it some time. With my wife there have been some things about my dressing that initially threw her off but that over the years she ended up getting used to those things. Maybe over time the same thing will happen with you and your issue with dresses.

Regardless of what happens with your acceptance level over time I certainly don't think you should be beating yourself up for being 'nonsupportive'. I think we all recognize what we do is frowned upon by many parts of society. This societal attitude makes it difficult for a large number of people to accept what we do, and many of our spouses are no exception. From reading your posts I get the impression you have a good attitude in general, so keep up the good work and cut yourself a little slack on the dress thing.

[Di]

Hello a fellow GG here:D
The most important thing would be keep talking. And if you are not ready to see your partner then tell them that. Sometimes after you feel more comfortable you will want to. But if it upsetting to you.....hold off on that till you are ready. Basically work out whats best for you both......there are some that never want to see and have a kinda I know but do not want to see thing going on......and since it is upsetting to you right now...I think forcing yourself makes things worse......because it will remain in your mind something upsetting to you.
For your partner...they are excited to show you and share and think...you will love it as much as they do.
But for you....it's new to you and you look and think omg wheres my hubby?
So just talk...it is about the two of you.....and when you are ready to see them when you are more comfortable...awesome...if not ever....well work out times they can dress...........it is doable......you are here asking for answers and that in itself is wonderful:love: Best Wishes

[suzanne]

My wife is in very much the same place as you. There is no question that she loves me with all her heart, but has told me flat out, "I don't like seeing you in a dress". I thanked her for her candor, as she remains tight lipped nearly all the time. I would dearly love to talk frankly with her about my CDing, to get her to realize how integral my femme self is to the whole me. My hope is for you and every CD and SO to reach the level of acceptance some of the girls on this site have achieved. They seem to be in a state of pure bliss.

Talk is the key for many reasons. The first is to establish where both of you have your limits and how to work within them. The second is to try to find out where his urges come from, and how deep-rooted they really are. For any man to overcome all the societal taboos around CDing and come out of the closet, first to himself and then to his loved ones, these urges can be nearly overpowering. They can't be underestimated. Lastly, I hope you can come to the understanding that the man you love wouldn't be the same without the feminine traits you are now struggling with. He has been at least partly feminine since long before you two met. The only difference is that, now you know about it. And it could well be that the things you love most about him are BECAUSE of his femininity, not in spite of them.

Have you ever considered visiting his counsellor? Chances are, he is exploring how to achieve greater self-acceptance, rather than how to control or quit his CDing. They may be able to offer you more insights into his CDing.

[Joanne f]

You clearly want to support your husband in what he needs to do so that is very helpful for him and i can understand the fact that you do not want to see him in a dress or skirt as that is looked upon the crossover point (male to female) so i do not think that he should push it at you .
The only thing that i could suggest if you wanted to try and get past this point is for him to maybe wear a plain manly type of skirt like denim or plain black but if this is a bridge to far then i am sure that he will understand and be very grateful of what you have done and let him do so far

[Dragster]

You may have a good idea there Joanne. My wife is so anti-CD, you wouldn't believe it, BUT, I've been out to three Burns Night celebrations this year (and delivered the Address to the Haggis at two of them) dressed in a borrowed kilt and all the rest of Scottish formal dress, and she's even said she likes me in a kilt; I look so manly!!! I doubt she would have been so encouraging if I'd suggested wearing her tartan skirt if I hadn't been able to borrow the real thing, even without stockings and heels I'd like to have worn with it! Throughout the night I was thinking "Here I am wearing a skirt in public, and my wife is supporting me". Good job she isn't a mind reader!

Food for thought Ronnie?

Tony

[Nicki B]

Ronnie..

Humans are wired, aren't they, to react primarily to what they see... But, you already know - it's still the same person, no matter what kind of disguise they may be wearing? :)

Is it that you can't recognise 'him' anymore - or that 'she' doesn't look like a man at all?

[kristinacd55]

Hi Ronne,
My wife clearly told me she doesn't want to see me dressed enfemme. End of story.
But I think someday she will!

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Ronnie, first of all like I said on your intro thread it's great that you have come here for answers and to take in the experience of others. You are well ahead of a lot of others in that regard.

Just as each of us CDers have different levels of showing our femme sides, each of our partners have different levels of acceptance. I can tell you that my wife is pretty much the opposite of you, she is quite OK with me in a dress or skirt (provided I don't leave the closet so to speak), but had a hard time seeing me with make up and a wig. Through constant communication, and I mean meaningful dialogue, we set boundaries or ground rules if you like as to what we both want.

As a lot of the girls here have said, talk to your partner. By joining here I have a fair idea that you are not one to shut up shop and refuse to talk about it.

Good luck

Tash :)

[JoAnne Wheeler]

W E L C O M E to the F O R U M - my Spouse allows me to dress any time

I want to with some boundaries (compromises) - not in the marital bed and

no shaving of body hair and no running around in public dressed - she has

seen me in all kinds of dresses and skirts and sweaters with high heels -

make-up and wigs - I know that it bothers her to some degree, but she is

wise enough to understand that I cannot live and function without it -

without it, I become a basket case. Try to remember, none of us desired to

be crossdressers and none of us woke up one day and said, I think I'll become

a crossdresser - we were BORN with this - I don't know why - no one does -

But we crossdressers know that what we are is real and that we can not stop

and that it will never go away no matter how hard we try. I've tried to no

avail in an attempt to please my Spouse - now she understands what I tried

to explain above - remember - this is still the same man as before - its just

that deep within, there are feminine things that just have to be expressed -

he cannot help it and he cannot stop it - he is ashamed and suffers from

guilt and embarrassment because of the attitude of society - try to love him

for what he is - most of us have NEVER been loved because of this feminine

part of us that we cannot explain.

JoAnne Wheeler

"An All American Bluegrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"

JoAnne Wheeler