Did you ever think because you CD you were gay?

[LeotardMan]

This may be a bit odd but I was wondering since in today’s world if you CD you just abut get labeled gay, when you first started CD were you ever attracted to men or both? Did you automatically think that since you CD you were gay?

When I was younger I thought I was BI or transgender. I remember when I was in college I experimented a bit I found a transgender club that had all sorts of stiles wrestling they had regular wrestling, cat fighting, and erotic wrestling and I did some cat fighting and erotic wrestling matches. I found that while I like to CD and play a woman for the most part I’m very much attracted to women.

Geoff

[jennCD]

I never thought that... but to some extent, my wife still seems to think it..... strange....

:)
jenn

[Jess_cd32]

No not really, I've always seen cd'ing as totally separate from sexual preference, at least for myself.



I never thought that... but to some extent, my wife still seems to think it..... strange....

:)
jenn

I think they all do Jenn for awhile, my SO does as well:brolleyes:

[Lisa Golightly]

Oh, when I simply crossdressed (I say simply I was in reality supressing my transsexuality) I was pure hetrosexual... Attracted to women exclusively... but when I got them I didn't quite know what to do with them... lol :) I can laugh about it now but it was soul destroying at the time... Some of these girls were stunningly beautiful and they must have been bitterly disappointed that they had this totally clueless... 'don't touch me there' oddity... If they did touch me I just felt sick... awwwww...

But I just wasn't attracted to boys...

Then after six months on hormones I started getting these rather disturbing images appearing in my mind from absolutely nowhere... It was shocking in all honesty. A crush on my best male friend followed... Then, a year and a half into hormones, I saw this guy... and wham... I was simply poleaxed in a way I've never, ever felt before... awwwwwww :)

Been an interesting life so far...

[Honey]

I'm wondering more if that idea stopped me realising what I like to do. I love dressing up, but being confused as I wonder if I should be attracted to guys when I'm dressed. The more I look at life, the more I wonder how far I want to go. I don't dress every day, it's just so hard sometimes getting into "shape" that a GG has to start with.

Even with my lovely forms, I still look down and see forms, not breasts....

I wonder if I realised that I wouldn't be gay if I dressed at an earlier age would of gone further into my psyche to find out what I am.

[Teddie]

No not really, I've always seen cd'ing as totally separate from sexual preference, at least for myself.
I love women, how many have I 'loved'? I'm not saying:) (I lost count actually:doh:)



I think they all do Jenn for awhile, my SO does as well:brolleyes:

Mine doesn't. :love:

And, to answer the question. I love women. I love everything about them. :daydreaming:

[Sammy777]

I've always seen cd'ing as totally separate from sexual preference

I have to agree.

I have never really though of them as a combined thing, like if I'm one [a CD] I must be the other [Gay].

I liked girls and just so happen to like their clothes too. lol
I didn't even know there was a word for what I was doing when I started doing it, lol.

I have always liked girls and have never though that I might be gay in general or because of doing this.

Liking girls is one thing in life I can be sure of, lol.

PS: On a side note.
Of all the people I have told about this, so far not a one has though I might be or was gay or bi or even implied I might be in some way.

[Sakura Rini]

ive never felt gay when im dress as a girl but anyway be a cd and being gay are 2 diffent things

[Shari]

I can't say that I ever thought I was gay.
Funny though, when I'm dressed my fanatsies toward that are greater, and whether you'd like to admit it or not, we've all had those fantasies.
Acting on them is another matter.
That happening to me is very unlikely, as I won't go out dressed and when I'm in drab, I have no sexual feelings toward men at all.

[PrettyFlowingGown]

I never thought I was gay.....ever. But when I was 26 I was going through a strange period where I suffered deep depression, and loneliness, and it came to the point where if someone came along and offered me love, i'd take it.
From 26 to 33 I was bi definately, I tried it with a few men, some worked, some did'nt. In the last 3 years though I've had no interest in men at all. I was in a gay bar last night dressed, and a guy came onto me, but I said "Hands off". I think, since my loneliness and depression was learned to be controlled, I've been content with my dressing only.

[Leanne2]

When I was in my teens I thought that if I like to dress as a girl then I must be gay. But I was always attracted to girls so I was quite confused. Later I figured out that it was possible to be a cross dresser and be straight. Now I believe that it is possible to be transsexual and straight.
Many of my hairdressers have assumed that I was gay. It was easier for them to understand that so I just went with it. So I have been accepted by many people as being a gay cross dresser. It works for me. Leanne

[Raychel]

Never thought that for one minute, Just because I like to dress in nice women's clothes doesn't make a person gay. And I definitly don't ever feel gay. :2c:

[StevieTV]

When dressed en fem or in drab I look at guys. Women are interesting to study but when it comes to sex, umm...no thanks.
When I dress en fem I'm more interested in being feminine so there are certain guys I'm trying to attract. I guess I'm in the minority.

[Dannie Lefae]

This is a difficult question to answer. Difficult because I have always had Bi tendencies, even before I started dressing. I think as I explored bi-sexuality I became more and more interested in exploring my urges to dress and allow my feminine side to shine through more. Though I still had feelings of inapropriatness of wearing womens clothes and/or make-up, I still craved allowing that part of myself out. Oddly enough, some of the people I explored with, sexually, could not accept my dressing. Even though they were gay or bi themselves and dealt with the stigma society had put on them, they did the same thing to me. Odd Huh? Not that I dressed while with them, but I did tell them that I enjoyed dressing.
As far as S/O's go. I have the greatest. I think the fact that we both have bi tendencies helps. She has only seen me fully enfem once, but that is because of the internal struggle I have. She has always encouraged me and helped me to be at ease with myself as Dan or Em. She does not think that because a part of me is Em that I harbor gay thoughts or tendencies. As a matter of fact, I just came through the backside of yet one more identity crisis, probably the worse yet. This time I purged everything I had, all my clothes, shoes, make-up I even shaved my head and grew this long, ugly, scratchy beard. For about two years I fought, ignored and denied the urge to be me. I was sharing this with my S/O last week and she encouraged me to begin dressing again and join some more groups. She told me she knew I was struggling but didn't want to make it worse by talking to me about it before I was ready to talk.

I am sorry, I am babbling. I do that alot....

Blessings,
Em

[jruiz]

Well, when I was a teenager I was pretty confused about what was going on with me. I didn't know about crossdressing and thought that I was the only person in the world with this issue.

I thought "I have to be gay, this is not normal", but in the other hand, my attraction to guys was zero. I thought that maybe I as a very lousy gay... I even tried to stare at the good looking popular guys in my classroom, and nothing... I guess that I was just trying to label myself, and I didn't know about all the possible "labels". Remember, no Internet by these days.

But then I understood that CD and sexual orientation had nothing to do... 100% straight.

[Stephanie Stephens]

I have been bisexual all of my life. I love having sex with men and women and when I do I am always submissive. Dressing brings my true spirit together, as in when I dress I am expressing all of me and all that it means. Ya know this is a private confession just between us girls so please don't tell anybody.:o

[Tasha McIntyre]

No, I've never had a gay thought in my life. Even when i fessed up to my wife about crossdressing, one of the first things she said was "well I know you definately aren't gay" :)

Cheers

Tash

[xAnne_Mariex]

There was a time in my early-mid teens when I first started dressing that I thought I might have been gay, but now I know i'm definitely not. I'm curious, but don't see my future self being with anyone else other than a woman and having a few kiddies.

[Leelou]

I've always thought, "I love women so much that I need to wear their clothes."

I think society does associate cross-dressing with homosexuality, but every stat I've heard is that the vast majority of T-girls are straight.

[gennee]

Initially I thought I was gay but I wasn't attracted to men. I saw the error of drawing sex and gender with the same brush. My wife inquired about it when I came out to her. After some research and counsel, I discovered that I was a crossdresser and transgender. I am attracted to women.

Gennee


:)

[Sallee]

I never considered myself to be gay. Although I have experimented but have pretty much turned off by men. I am definitely attracted more to women. I have been hit on by men and have said no. I do think that most folks find it strange that crossdressers for the most part prefer women They don't understand our passion for the female form. Heck I even find it strange and can't give it a good answer to the question of why

[gennee]

Never thought that for one minute, Just because I like to dress in nice women's clothes doesn't make a person gay. And I definitly don't ever feel gay. :2c:

You're right about that, Raychel. I love wearing nice women's clothing.

Gennee

[CharleneT]

For me the two things are separate, so I guess the answer is no. I am bisexual and have always been that way. I also have always enjoyed women's clothes. My reactions and attractions stay the same in either femme or drab.

[kellycan27]

As early as I can remember I felt female, and I began to dress before I had the urge to have sex. When I did start having sex it was while dressed and it was with men. So to be PC, I guess that I am gay, although I never really thought of myself as gay. (not that I see anything wrong with being gay) I just thought of myself as a girl with a thingy. I don't do drab anymore and live as Kelly 24/7 now... When i was still in drab I never had the urge to be with a man sexually. So am I gay? That has been a poser for me for a long time. I finally stopped trying to figure it out. I am a lot happier now.
I had a shrink that said I was gay and that by having sex with men while dressed just re-enforced my longing to be a girl.
it's no longer an issue,but still a curiosity so if any of you have any insights please feel free to im me or e-mail me in private as I don't want to step on this thread.
kelly

[eezdaze]

i consider myself bisexual . when im dressed as a woman im totaly into men. i think in my heart that im a beautiful **** who has to please a man. susan

[Toni_Lynn]

Yes -- the reason being that when I first began crossdressing back in the early 1970s there were no knowledgeable resources about CDing. There was certainly no one I could talk to! We did have the book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (but were afraid to ask) by Dr David Ruben. In spite of being a groundbreaking bestseller, this book is good for acting as a doorstop and not much else! My mon and dad had a copy and secretly began researching what it said. After all, he's a doctor and must know something. In truth, Ruben knew little about crossdressing and his characterisations placed us squarely in the camp of guys who dressed as women and trawled gay bars picking up men, or, if hetero, spent time masturbating whilst wearing panties. Ruben's descriptions were disgusting and made me sick to my stomach. I found myself damning myself for being that way. I felt cursed for being gay.

But, being the thoughtful contemplative sort, I knew that there was one thing wrong with the doctor's generalisations. I liked girls! The more and more I considered who I was, the more and more I found myself rejecting him. By the time I turned 13, and bought my own clothes, I knew inside that I wasn't doing anything wrong. When my mum abused me over crossdressing, and called me a faggot and queer, I knew inside that I wasn't that. Sure, it still hurt, but more in the sense that one's own parent could be so mean.

One of the basic reasons that lead to my inner strength was that I felt that what I was doing wasn't about sex. In fact, it didn't even have a sexually aspect to it -- hey I was a kid -- what did I know from sex! All I knew was that wanted to dress like the girls in school and be with then rather than those ucky boys.

One might say, "aren't you the CDer who likes girls who dress in guy's underwear while you dress as a girl?" -- doesn't that show some repressed homosexuality within you. To that I say, NO! It only shows that I enjoy gender play and have a great fantasy life, and can have fun in the sack as it were.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[kristytv]

this is something i still fight with , i consider myslef bi , but i like women more , but i like sex with men , even though my conquests have well not been good ones. i still enjoy the mechanical end of it , the worst partis i seem to be confusing my shrink,shes more interested in the depression end of me than the tg part right now,

[kellycan27]

Get a new shrink, that's what I did.

[kristytv]

kelly, she is concerned about the tg part too, but i have depression issues that are 1st

[AmandaM]

I once thought I might be, why dress like a girl if you ain't, I thought. So, I went to find out, cruised gay bars, etc. I had two experiences. Both ended the same way, it was ok, but didn't trip my trigger. And I had to be the "woman" in mind, body, spirit, and had to be dressed. When the clothes came off, I was turned off. So, I don't think I'm gay, I don't even think I'm bi. I think it's more of my personality gravitating toward a female role and returning, this female role could include sexual desire, but not always. Kinda like the "woman inside" moves to the surface at times.

[kimmy p]

I knew that I liked girls clothing early, and I developed an interest in girls late. This made me wonder if I was gay. Then one day I sat down and thought about kissing a guy. Yuck. I figured out that I'm not gay. I just like girls clothing.

[MissConstrued]

Then one day I sat down and thought about kissing a guy. Yuck.


That pretty much says it all for me.

Strangely enough, I'm finding myself more likely to chat up more women when I'm out dressed lately. Maybe being a tall guy in drag is a good conversation starter? I left the club last night with three new phone numbers, and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.

I've had a fair number of people simply assume that I'm gay, which simply means that a lot of folks still associate sartorial choices with sexual orientation. Okay, whatever. That's their problem, not mine. Opinions are their own, and it doesn't affect me one way or the other.

[Marissa]

I had a shrink that said I was gay and that by having sex with men while dressed just re-enforced my longing to be a girl.

kelly

Hmm..borrowing a 'shrinks' manual.. isnt 'gay' being in a relationship with a man as a man????? i may be wrong.. so i find it surprising that a shrink would say this. You seem to be 'gurl' who wants that role as the girl.. i know this feeling as its the manner in which i would want to be with a man. Well, most times.. i'm still questioning the bi side of me :)


I once thought I might be, why dress like a girl if you ain't, I thought. So, I went to find out, cruised gay bars, etc. I had two experiences. Both ended the same way, it was ok, but didn't trip my trigger. And I had to be the "woman" in mind, body, spirit, and had to be dressed. When the clothes came off, I was turned off. So, I don't think I'm gay, I don't even think I'm bi. I think it's more of my personality gravitating toward a female role and returning, this female role could include sexual desire, but not always. Kinda like the "woman inside" moves to the surface at times.

Understandable.. very much.. i was in a gay bar, all men with only the 'showgirl' entertainers dressed femme. I did not find them attractive only because in my mind i took it they were only interested in men, hint the term 'gay'. I know i'm wrong for that thought, but i did long for the company (chat) of a man, it just wasn't the right setting. And I think being dressed is when i would be more comfortable with a man (last time with a man, years ago, i was in drab, i know confusing, huh?)


I knew that I liked girls clothing early, and I developed an interest in girls late. This made me wonder if I was gay. Then one day I sat down and thought about kissing a guy. Yuck. I figured out that I'm not gay. I just like girls clothing.

I would have to say that kissing a man, I would have to be dressed, with sexy painted lips..as it would feel like a complete role as a woman.. don't think that feeling is the same when in drab.

Now i do have to say that i do love and desire women.. just not sure in what role at times.. as man (me) and woman, woman (me, role of man) and woman, or woman and woman (as two lesbians or best friends).

Good thread, but now i'm confused...lol.

Hugs to everyone...

[Samantha43]

I started crossdressing way back in the 70's, before we had the resources on the internet that we have now. I had many questions about why I had a need to dress as a girl and wear makeup. Being gay was never one of them. I knew I liked girls, and only girls.

[Mistybtm]

When dressed en fem or in drab I look at guys. Women are interesting to study but when it comes to sex, umm...no thanks.
When I dress en fem I'm more interested in being feminine so there are certain guys I'm trying to attract. I guess I'm in the minority.

I am the same I am bi but lean more twards woman. I live a lone and i fill both rolls:D

[LA CINDY LOVE]

No, I've never had a gay thought in my life. Even when i fessed up to my wife about crossdressing, one of the first things she said was "well I know you definately aren't gay" :)

Cheers

Tash
That is so true. I have always love women and the way they look, when my wife found out about my crossdressing the first thing she ask was .......are you gay I so no way I do not see anything sexy about a man at all and if I was a real woman I would be a lesbian.


LA CINDY LOVE

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Did you automatically think that since you CD you were gay?

There was a time when I was very confused about my urge to cd. I knew that I liked girls, and not boys, but didn't understand why I'd want to dress or look like a girl.

I never had the desire to be with another man in any sexual way. In time, I learned more about my own crossdressing and became comfortable with who I am.

I can look at mtf crossdressers who pull off the look really well and find them very attractive, but still don't desire to be with them in any sexual way.

So I guess it's just no. Confused about my own cding as I was, I never thought I was gay. I just thought I was some kind of horrible freak that society would lock up in a mental institution if they ever found about about me.

I'm sure there are young crossdressers out there today that feel the same because society insists on NOT educating people on this subject. God forbid children know of this horrible affliction called crossdressing. Today's young cd's will have to discover it on their own just like we all did, wondering what the hell it's all about and what's wrong with them. How many years will it take for them to learn that nothing is wrong with them - it's society that is messed up (trying to force people to be what they are not).

[Cary]

It's interesting how people lump things together. Are we to assume that most GGs who wear pants are gay? NO! I love wearing women's things. I love women. I hate that the first thing someone askes or assumes is that CDing =Gayness.

[Ralph]

Well, when I was a teenager I was pretty confused about what was going on with me. I didn't know about crossdressing and thought that I was the only person in the world with this issue.

Wow, you told my story verbatim. I was also sexually behind the curve, both because I was raised Baptist (still am) and expected to wait until I got married, and also because I was the weird geek who was all jokes and video games and comic books and didn't think about sex well into college. So there I was wanting to dress like a girl and not having any intimate contact with girls (or anyone else)... *of course* I was confused as all get-out. My clumsiness and obvious inexperience with my first GGfriend led many to believe I might be gay, and I thought they might be right.

Then I had an... encounter... with an aggressive young man who kept trying to arouse me, and it scared the daylights out of me. The thought of putting my lips on his body, much less any other part of me on any other part of him, was revolting.

Shortly after that I became sexually active (sorry about that, God) and it was totally different. I couldn't get enough of that happy place, and quickly realized that whatever other gender confusion I might have, at least I was 100% sure I was not gay. (slightly off-topic but amusing side note: This was with my second girlfriend; in an ironic twist, the first one revealed that she was bi and decided to pursue her own girlfriend. I can't tell you how much good THAT does for a man's self esteem!).

So... a lesson for any of you youngsters who are just showing up here and still trying to figure out why you're different: you are probably not gay. And if you still have doubts about what you do and why you do it, this is the place to ask... we've all been down that same road many, many times.

ralph

[Lorileah]

Of course i thought you had to be gay to dress, everyone knows that. Ok we all know that isn't true but back in the day you were because that is what everyone said. So......hide your stuff in the closet or under the house, hope your wife visits the Inlaws for a week so you can at least wear the panties, then feel sheepish and guilty when she gets back (and she assumes you were out having an affair), throw away the clothes and promise never do it again.

I was maybe more confused as a young person because I did have sexual feelings for men. Then thank (your deity here) for the late 70's when you could love the one you're with. I knew then I was bisexual. The sexuality is a bell curve and no one is 100% anything but I felt better being in that curve. Still thought the bi part was from the dressing but I know better now. Yes I like guys when dressed but only closet bi guys like me dressed. I like women no matter what I wear. Gay guys like me undressed ;)

[Nicki B]

According to most surveys, the number of CDs who are exclusively homosexual is pretty well exactly the same as the general population -- about 6%. On the other hand there may be a slightly above-average number of CDs who are bisexual.

Could this be because the number of trans people out there who are attracted to other transfolk seems to be quite large? But, if an MTF finds another MTF attractive, is it the boy or the girl they're attracted to - or both? :idontknow:



Of course i thought you had to be gay to dress, everyone knows that.

They do? :straightface:

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

In the beginning I thought I was the only one who crossdressed and I thought that I was gay or leaning in that direction, as I grew older I realized that I wasn't gay. I had no desire toward men in general, my desire's went to women. But I still crossdressed and now in my fifties I believe that I am TS. That is where I am now and I'm waiting for my first gender counseling session in a week or so. Hope to unravel my feelings and maybe get started on HRT by the 3rd qtr 2009. :battingeyelashes:

[Karren H]

Yep... But I knew I wasn't attracted to guys so for decades I had an internal battle of "I must be gay if I like to dress like a girl... but I'm not!! lol Finally just accepted it and move on!!

[Jennifercrossdress]

I never thought I was gay. That said though, I have always been very aware of societies opinion of crossdressers, and from time to time have thought that I might as well be.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Nah...I knew I was bi long before the CDing popped it's head into the picture..as a matter of fact I really beleive that the acceptence of my sexuality allowed Stephanie to emerge...she was there sexually but not as a person...now she's is a person....

[Tracii G]

I'm with SS on this one I have been Bi my whole life CDing came later.
I love women but still check out the good looking guys.

[docrobbysherry]

I didn't start CDing until I was over 50. All I knew about CDing came from the main stream media. For years, I thot I must be gay to want to look like a woman, and wear women's clothes. Even tho I have never fantasized about being with a man in my life! :doh:

After about 9 tortured years, I came out of my closet far enough to investigate on line. Discovered this site, and the truth about CDs!:eek:

The truth is, I'm PROBABLY NOT GAY, BUT:

I now have realized, I can be turned on by a guy, if he looked, talked, and acted completely convincing as a woman! Because I have met such MtoF individuals! No sex, but I MITE make out with one! :hugs:

Here's ANOTHER THING! I fool around with Sherry, and I KNOW she's a guy!
So, AM I GAY, or not!? I'm NOT sure!:brolleyes:

[Gemma Bee]

Never thought of myself as being "gay" when I dress. I don't think it comes to mind. When I was younger, I dressed because I felt comfortable, excited. Now I do it because it's part of who I am. Sexuality has/had nothing to do with it.

[sarah-liz]

No I dont think I am gay because I really think I was supposed to be a woman at birth. Why couldnt we have the choice to set our sex say at age 10 or 12. It could make things a lot easier (like answering this question)

Well to be honest What is GAY? is it going to bed with the same sex? I found this at webster site on the word GAY

1 homosexual, homo, gay
someone who practices homosexuality; having a sexual attraction to persons of the same sex

Well by Websters definition I guess I am gay. But it said attraction! My attraction is to women, But I want to be 100% woman or at least the most a male can be a woman. Act, Talk, Dress, Have sex like a woman is all included. When I go into Fem MODE. I start playing the part of a woman. I want to exp all a woman in my "Fem" role can.

That being said in my exp I have been with a few guys nothing major but have gone too deep to go into details here. As a male I would never be with another guy.
but as a fem I want to experiance sex and other aspects of females with a guy.
Yes I have kinda well sorta had sex with a guy but as a woman not a male. As for an attraction I dont think so. The attraction was just not there. Being a male I do not see other males attractive. Being a woman I think its just that I want to exp my fem side and I think it will take a long time to become attracted to a male.

I believe its the making out part and kissing another male. Its not really a turn off in my fem side. I want to do it. And as a fem I will do it but my male side doesnt know what to think about kissing another guy.

LOL Now I'm even more confused than before.
Good question though!

[melissacdx]

well,we all wrestle with something, don't we, that's why we're here.....after my personal wrestling match, I came out victorious with the following information...

1. I love sex
2. I love women...but can enjoy a man from time to time, see number 1 for more info.

[Melora]

I guess that I am Bi..
I LOVE looking at TG piccies.. I sometimes even get hot over TGs...
I Love Women!! In both types GG & TG!!
I think that my wife knows too.. She found a picture the other day, of a ******* xx star that I kinda like, And she let me know about it... Wife is still cool with me too! She might start experimenting with my Fem self here soon! I hope. She knows for Sure that I crossdress! She still loves me!
She said so 5 times today.

[Shari]

I've read a lot of posts here where so many are trying to figure out if their dressing makes them gay.

Sadly, the public perception seems to echo that response, and all too loud and clear. Maybe some of you are caught up in too many other's uninformed opinions.

Myself and many more of us on here started dressing before puberty, long before we even knew what "gay" was.
Hell, I didn't even know what sex was the first time I slipped on a pair of stockings.

What motivated me to do it, I do not know. I only know that when I did it, it felt right and I continued to do it for the next 50 plus years whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Years later, we're now asking if we're gay.

Not me.
And I'm okay with all of it.
I never felt I was odd or different for pursuing it.

Any thoughts?

[Karren H]

Well there's nothing wrong with being gay... I have a gay family member... But I'm not gay... I'm just pretty! :)

[DAVIDA]

I have always known that I was just a little weird. I have never thought of myself as gay.

[Tal'Aura]

Nah, I do not perceive myself as a human, let alone a gay... I am just "something".

Jolan Tru

[Empress Lainie]

The first question I remember even my son asking when I told him I would live as a woman the rest of my life was:

ARE YOU GAY?

I think it is the most common question asked us.

I said long before I knew I was a woman, that I was a lesbian. Men and boys always were something I had no use for either individually (except for one I considered my brother) or as a class.

Howsomever, as my journey has progressed, over the last two years, I am looking at men differently now, so I must confess that I think I am becoming bi-sexual.
BUT: BIG BUT: that does not make me GAY, it makes me a heterosexual WOMAN!

(Of course you have to work with the equipment you have regardless!)

[Kate Simmons]

Sexual preference and CDing have very little to do with one another. Sadly, due to society and upbringing, the lines between the two often become blurred.

[LACD]

I too started dressing quite young and never thought about anything until later in life. I went through a period that I thought I had to be gay because I like to wear womens clothes. I started looking around the internet and found that wasn't the case at all. I am married to a wonderful woman(35 yrs. now) and she helps me dress and shop. We had many discussions about my dressing and we still talk about it. She is over her fear of me being gay and leaving her(somewhat). I think a lot of CD'ers go through this phase.

[Tasha McIntyre]

I don't think I have ever had a gay thought in my life. in fact when I confessed my lifelong crossdressing addiction to my wife, one of the first things she said (after a long pause) was, well I know you certainly aren't gay!

It is a misguided opinion in the wider community that CDing and homosexuality are linked, when we know that is not the case!

Cheers

Tash :)

[Stephanie Stephens]

I really wish, in my heart of hearts, that we all could get to the point where we honestly don't give a dam what a person does in private or with their privates. Its been raining for awhile and I'm not feeling very gay right now, but spring is on the way and I'll be going camping and a gay time will be had by all.

[PrettyFlowingGown]

I did'nt consider myself "gay" when I went through my depression and loneliness period, even though it spanned 6/7 years. I hated it, and I hated myself. I used to have anxiety when I used to get with men, and nothing worked. It was terrible and embarrasing at the same time. I went to gay clubs in Melb. and had a older boyfreind in 2003 for 2 mths. I was doing all this against my will. I never and still dont consider men as attractive. I was a huge alchoholic through these times too, and I was at a dead end, until I moved to queensland in 2005, met a accepting lady on the internet, and things have been perfect since. I've been sober 3 and a half years, and have'nt had any gay experiences in a very long time.

[Sarah...]

I've read a lot of posts here where so many are trying to figure out if their dressing makes them gay.



Your dressing doesn't make you gay. It makes you dressed. Your sexual preferences are independent of what you wear.

Neither, of course, does being gay make you a crossdresser. We all recognise the falsehood in the question put that way around - it's the same for the original question above.

BUT

You can't generalise. I'm bisexual. When in drab I must therefore be part homosexual and part heterosexual and the same if en femme. See? Bisexual. Simple really. When I'm full time it'll be the same. No change there sexually but a complete change in terms of gender.

You've only got one brain. You're one person. If you are attracted to members of the same sex you are gay. If not then you are not. Regardless of whether you are CDing or not. And if there's a sudden "inexplicable" change in sexual preference maybe it's not inexplicable or sudden at all but instead a result of jettisoning a denial carried for many years?

Sarah...

[Sara Jessica]

No revelation here folks, gender identity and sexual preference are two totally different things.

We wonder why when disclosures are made to family or friends that the first question we're often asked is "are you gay?" Yet there are many who participate in here who are very quick to go out of their way and assert they are NOT gay when at the end of the day it's not relevant at all in the context of being transgendered.

As usual when comparing our community to the world at large, we can't expect attitudes to change when we can't even come to grips with reality ourselves.

[Jess_cd32]

Well there's nothing wrong with being gay... I have a gay family member... But I'm not gay... I'm just pretty! :)

Your not only pretty Karren but your very modest about it as well:heehee:

[kathrynjanos]

Such an interesting question. It's been asked here a million times already, even since I've been here, and it's always one that I like to posit.

I don't know if it was intentional, but you asked a different question than the usual "If you CD are you gay?"

Well, I CD, I am not gay. I have been wondering if perhaps I am shifting to bi as I also find myself shifting towards being TS, but still, my general opinion of the male anatomy remains: "EWWW!!"

I do a blog that I update only periodically with LGBT issues, but really, I do that more because of having gay friends, and being just lumped in with them than anything else.

[Desiree2bababe]

No, actually fought the notion many years.......until that special evening..........after that it became my obsession and objective for dressing.

[Hali]

This may be a bit odd but I was wondering since in today’s world if you CD you just abut get labeled gay, when you first started CD were you ever attracted to men or both? Did you automatically think that since you CD you were gay?

When I was younger I thought I was BI or transgender. I remember when I was in college I experimented a bit I found a transgender club that had all sorts of stiles wrestling they had regular wrestling, cat fighting, and erotic wrestling and I did some cat fighting and erotic wrestling matches. I found that while I like to CD and play a woman for the most part I’m very much attracted to women.

Geoff

These days its so confusing i dont even know what i think........one minute attracted to ultra feminine women the next minute attracted to masculine women then attracted to a tgurl......and to wondering what it will be like go on a date with a guy etc its so tiring.

[ruthie801]

I would say i'm bi-sexual I do have urges to be a complete woman including sexual satisfaction.

[kelliboots]

If I was gay I would be a lesbian. I just love women and am jealous of everything they get to wear. I feel nothing towards guys. I could watch and be near women all day though.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

At first - I did not know what to think - I knew that I only wanted to have a

relationship with real GG women.

JoAnne Wheeler

"An All American Bluegrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"

[Daliah]

I never thought myself as being gay or bisexual. When I dress in lingerie I just want to have sex with a woman/women. I have done some kinky things but having sex with a man is not one of them and never will be. I have nothing against gay and bisexual males. It is just not my cup of tea, that is all.

[gretchen2]

i was very confused in my twenties about being a cd and thought that i might be gay. so i tried it, unfortunatly for the other man it did not get to far. it was interesting though. woman are so much more.
gretchen

[Sharon B.]

When I was a teenager and my sister found out that I enjoy dressing in her things the first thing she asked if I was gay. The same thing with my ex-wife was the first thing are you gay.
No I'm not gay I just like dressing as a woman and wearing makeup. If I was gay I would have to be a lesbian as I enjoy being with a woman.
I'm not going to say I would never try a man but at this time I'm not interested in men.

[Sedona]

Hi,

Haven't read most of the other responses; sorry. But, I never once pondered that I might be gay. Single mom: Check. Tried on her clothes in grade school: Check. Always fantasized about women and had girlfriends: check.

Everybody's different, and in a perfect world, verybody would be free do do what feels right to them regarding their gender preferences.

[kellycan27]

Ok love.... Maybe you should mention to her that you feel that the TG issues are more important to you than the depression issues. And maybe she isn't confused and you might find that there is a method to her madness...lol

[Annemarie]

Like a psychiatrist said Cding is a halfway house to homosexuality, no wonder we are confused. The vast majority of us are straight and our libido is attracted to all things feminine, hence the dressing and attraction to other CDs, most gays are attracted to men looking like men, not men dressed as women. There is a minority of us who want to be with men as women , fulfilling a strong fantasy /wanting to go as far as possible in our "womanhood", the bi when dressed group. True Gay TVs exist though, and they are a significant minority of a minority.

[SarahPerth]

I don't consider myself gay. However like a number of girls here I do find that when Im dressed and in femme mode my fantasies do include men. Ordinarily I dont look at guys that way. But when Im dressed I enjoy being noticed by men. Guess that makes me bi. Not sure about labels thou.

[laura.lapinski]

Yes, I was confused a little bit. I didn't think I was gay, but I thought there had to be something wrong or different about me when I was younger. Like many, I have fantasies of being with T-Girls or very fem CD's, and sometimes with men, but I never look at men and become aroused. I always wondered what it would be like to go out dressed in maximum femininity and see how I would feel, but since I don't go out I might never actually know. I think I would be attracted to men if I was dressed like that an in a club, but what we fantasize about and do are two different things. I don't feel the need to find out, and I'm okay with things the way they are. For this I guess I could be labeled bi-curious.

[Patricia1]

Like many here, I have loving thoughts of & for women and am always eyeballing them when I'm not en femme. At the same time, like many of us, I am also checking the chicks out for mannerisms, for certain looks, etc. to improve my own look and carriage. When I'm dressed as Patricia I think more entirely as a woman, that is, more feminine which means that I also think of men. I don't consider this to be anything more than me being me. When I dress as Pattie, I want to be as much of a woman as I can. Lots of mind games, huh?

[TxKimberly]

When I was in my early teens I think I worried about the idea in my confusion, but I have never had the slightest bit of interest in men.

[Ballerina]

When I was younger, it had crossed my mind. It wasn't really a fear thing, but was at the same time. But, I just brushed it off and began to think that I was probably the only guy on the planet that was into women's clothing and straight. After researching on the community and joining these forums, I was quickly proved wrong and am glad to know I'm not out on alone :) I have no interest in men or other tg/tv. But, I do have a brother that just became single ;)

[shesadvl]

This may be a bit odd but I was wondering since in today’s world if you CD you just abut get labeled gay, when you first started CD were you ever attracted to men or both? Did you automatically think that since you CD you were gay?

When I was younger I thought I was BI or transgender. I remember when I was in college I experimented a bit I found a transgender club that had all sorts of stiles wrestling they had regular wrestling, cat fighting, and erotic wrestling and I did some cat fighting and erotic wrestling matches. I found that while I like to CD and play a woman for the most part I’m very much attracted to women.

Geoff

not at all Geoff,
my partner told me in one of our many chats about CDing he wondered if he was gay, so he went & found out for himself if he was attracted to men, even though he loves wearing womens clothing, said it wasnt a very pleasant experience, so he knows he is definitely not gay, hence he is very hetrosexual, not bi, at all as he is very attracted to women, loves women.

I was conferring with a girl friend of mine about an issue I had with my new SO, she has not met my new partner yet, so had not told her about my new partner being a CD'er ., she said straight up is he gay, I said NO he CD's and she was great about all this understood him perfectly, wouldnt matter if he was gay either, in the fact he loves women, but a special person with a good heart etc. so this blew me away, by her positive reaction, as I accept him for who he is and how he is. I assure you he aint gay. Just always himself as he says dressed or undressed.:)

on a quick glance at what Patricia1 says about eyeballing women yup thats my partner as well laffing....no harm in eyeballing its the want to emulate a particular look....as in we were in a supermarket and he saw a woman dressed very elegantly in highheels slacks and a real nice blouse/shirt, the comment was thats how I would love to look.. but what he didnt realise when hes dressed that way he does look like that...cept the hair now thats another thing laffing:tongueout and I know he reads in here.... im bad yeh thats me:devil:then i luff him even if hes eyeballing another woman :tongueout

[Shayna2008]

I often wondered if I dress as a girl because I secretly wanted a man, but found that's probably not what the situation for me was. I consider myself bi.

It's a weird situation with me. I find women attractive but mostly look at them to see what they're wearing or how their hair is done, etc. I don't get sexual feelings towards women anymore hardly. I can talk/interact with them for hours, though.
I've realized I find mature, older men attractive. I like a man who's sweet and is a gentleman (rare nowadays it seems, especially with guys my age). And to top it all off, I have a girlfriend who knows all this and is ok with it!

Not sure what the future will hold, but OK with being straight, bi or gay.

[Debutante]

When the compulsion of CDing started for me, I had BIG fears that I was gay, or that this would lead me to becoming gay. I know myself better now... i've always been attracted to women, even though i wish to emulate them.
But being with a man isn't my cup of tea....

[epsxyblkm]

I can say that I never felt that I was gay, but there are times when I am dressed, that having a man around would be GREAT.

I think that part of that is my wanting some validation.

But, I have to admit that I was with a man before.

[PrettyFlowingGown]

It would'nt take me much to get with a man again depending on the situation. If I was dressed up really beautiful, and a nice handsome man comented on it, and he was well mannered, shaven, and had no beer breath, I reckon I'd give him a chance. I was aproached saturday night, but the guy had beer breath, and was'nt shaven....it was a put off. Just not my thing.

[Elisa]

During my first period of actively crossdressing, I was in those (usually) sexually confused mid teens, and I have to admit I considered all options back then.
But after a while, I started looking it up (no "real" internet in the early 90's) at the library, and found a few articles in magazines that showed me it was completely normal to be both straight and crossdressing, and my fears of being gay faded away.

Now that I'm older, I no longer have a fear of being gay, should I ever "change my mind", but the certainty of me being straight has gotten stronger.

To rephrase what someone else said..

I love all aspects of women, their personality, their body and their clothes. :)

[Amy Hepker]

When I was very young I was under pressure that if a Boy put on a dress or girl clothes, you were crazy, or "Queer" You have to remember the meaning of Queer by the dictionary is "Something Odd" Not Gay although that seems to e the meaning these days. Gay? No never, I always wanted girls and still do. Guys are Gross, Sorry.

[deja true]

It's the feminine that attracts me. No attraction to MEN...you know...masculine guys. I think they're kinda gross, too. All that loud talk and swaggering...eww!

While most of us aren't gay, we're not really straight either, are we?

But I am kinda wondering what it might have been like to grow up like the majority of guys...with that totally straight outlook on life and women.

I guess I'm hetero-curious! :D

[Thalia]

I have never thought of myself as bi or gay. Always, since I can remember I've been attacted to women. I've been married twice, my first wife never knew about my cross dressing (she would NEVER have understood) and my second wife does know and is somewhat accepting. In fact, since I came out to her, I think our sex has been more intimate and loving. As a young person, my CD confused me as to my sexuality but I never thought of myself as gay because I never felt any attraction to males.

[marla01]

I never considered myself gay. I've always been analytical (i.e. a nerd) so I had no trouble separating sexual attraction from gender.

But then I realized I was gay. If I'm a woman attracted to women, then I am ipso facto gay.

Then the walls of social prejudice fell apart, and I found sexual attraction to be much more complex that labels like gay and straight. The labels became unimportant.

Where am I today? As a man, we probably could apply the label hetero to me. Certainly I have absolutely no interest in a man as a man. A man-man relationship has no value to me.

But I do find that as previously noted, I very much love man-woman relationships (hetero) woman-woman relationships (gay). But there is one more quadrant available here. That is the woman-man relationship. And that is a relationship I have also learned to enjoy. Note that I find relating to a man as a woman is quite different than relating to a man as a man. I consider relating to a man as a woman to be hetero, not gay, but I'm sure others who think that the physical defines sexual relationships would argue otherwise.

The point is that being transgendered destroyed the very meaning of 'gay' to me. It does not have any meaning when one changes gender.

Marla

[MissConstrued]

I consider relating to a man as a woman to be hetero, not gay, but I'm sure others who think that the physical defines sexual relationships would argue otherwise.


And I will. Hetero, my left ass.

If you have two lesbians, and one is wearing men's jeans, does that make them both straight?

There's so little stigma left attached to "gay" any more, and even less to "bi" which is almost trendy nowadays. Why do we need cockamamie excuses? You want to role-play? Fine. Wearing makeup does not make a man into a woman -- never has, never will. You can fantasize all you like -- it's your life, and no one has any right to tell you otherwise. But I must insist on proper use of the English vocabulary. Two guys having sex is not hetero -- it's homo. End of story.

[Super Amanda]

I agree with MissConstrued. And as for me? No attraction to males, at all sexually. I consider myself to be straight. I understand wanting to be validated by a man, but I'll take a compliment and that's about it. Men are icky!

[KimberlyS]

Let me put it the way I learned it from my parents.


Being gay was bad. VERY BAD.

Gays were sissies, queers, and perverts.

Drag queens were gay guys wearing female clothes.

I liked wearing female clothes.

I was gay and a sissy.

I was bad and a pervert.


So how is my bad logic. It took me a while to get over that. I also have friends that are gay. We are all Good people.
And that is my out line on the subject.

kim

[Barbara Dugan]

Yes I think I am.... I enjoy relationships only with masculine guys while dressed never with gg or t-girls and I really don't consider this activity hetero on the other hand I also enjoy a relationship with a gg
but never while dressed or in femm does this make me straight or Bi? honestly I really don't care... sex is good no matter how:love:

[marla01]

And I will. Hetero, my left ass.

If you have two lesbians, and one is wearing men's jeans, does that make them both straight?

There's so little stigma left attached to "gay" any more, and even less to "bi" which is almost trendy nowadays. Why do we need cockamamie excuses? You want to role-play? Fine. Wearing makeup does not make a man into a woman -- never has, never will. You can fantasize all you like -- it's your life, and no one has any right to tell you otherwise. But I must insist on proper use of the English vocabulary. Two guys having sex is not hetero -- it's homo. End of story.

I would point out that 'gender' is very much a social construct. As such, there is no absolute 'truth' nor is there 'fantasy' within the bounds of that construct. There cannot be. The measure of a viewpoint or belief is not in the 'truth' but instead how that view of the world works for an individual.

It is fairly apparent that we have strongly divergent views on the nature of 'gender'. I am having to guess some from your post but it seems to me that you think physical sex defines gender. Certainly, this is a common viewpoint. It's a very black and white view of the world, and certainly under that definition, sexual preference is just as black and white as you are trying to paint it. If the person has a penis, and the partner has a penis, it therefore must be a gay relationship.

But I have discovered that black and white view has a great many problems in describing the diversity of gender, sexuality, sex and humanity. I could go through a whole list of facts that shed doubt on the sex is gender is fixed belief system, but just let me say that I have found a much more effective model of the world, at least for myself.

In that model, physical sex is fairly independent of gender and gender is not immutable. This model certainly seems to describe my own person, a male woman, quite well. And perhaps more importantly, it gives me a construct that gives me the tools for a successful life (and yes, I have a quite successful life).

I would suggest that any view of the world that leads to a more successful life cannot be 'fantasy' as you seem to want to paint it. For that matter, I would question your view of the world. Your post seemed quite angry. Could it be because your view has not been very successful?

I would also like to touch on language for a second. You insisted that I use some unknown dictionaries definitions to constrain my use of language. I would suggest that again, we have different world views here. For me, the purpose of language is to communicate, it is not to constrain thought. The purpose of a dictionary is to describe how words are commonly used, not to constrain how one thinks and views the world. As such, it is perfectly acceptable to modify the English language as new ideas and concepts grow within our society. The criteria here is not how well the word matches some silly dictionary, but instead how well the word communicates the ideas of the writer. I think that the way I used the terms did meet this criteria of communication.

Marla:2c:

[laura.lapinski]

Yes I think I am.... I enjoy relationships only with masculine guys while dressed never with gg or t-girls and I really don't consider this activity hetero on the other hand I also enjoy a relationship with a gg
but never while dressed or in femm does this make me straight or Bi? honestly I really don't care... sex is good no matter how:love:

It makes you schizophrenic (just kidding). It makes you bi, but as you said, who cares! You enjoy it all so much, that is so cool and what is important.

Laura

[AKKaren]

My heart goes out to all of those who are confused as to what "category" you fit into. This social labeling is so wrong and causes so much pain.
My whole young life I was tortured by thoughts of being "wrong". As a child I read every scrap of information I could about Transsexuals, CD's and gays to try to understand what "niche" I fit in and try to fix myself. There wasn't much out there in the 60's and 70's in a small town. As my step family, siblings and parents found out about my 'perversions', I was ridiculed, taunted, and called "Gay". An openly gay step brother tried to come on to me many times, which was finally repulsed by the threat of a slow death. Suicide was an option seriously considered most of my younger years. My fundamentalist "Christian" (AKA hateful of anything different) family persecuted me mercilessly. I joined the Marines to try to "cure" myself of being "Gay", which only confused me more, since I cannot stand to be around testosterone soaked jocks, but helped me grow tremendously as an adult with a talent with heavy machinery and electronics. It was only when the internet came along with its bottomless well of information that I finally realized that I'm a CD and now accept myself. Being Gay is just another way of being human.

[Carly D.]

I never thought that I was gay.. the thought never crossed my mind, either when I was young and confused or now as a middle aged cross dresser with the same confused existance.. I say confused because I don't think I can honestly say I know why I cross dress.. I don't know why all those years ago I thought "hmm I wonder what those shoes would feel like if I wore them??" or the same thing as I graduated from shoes to hose to skirts to dresses and then makeup/jewelry.. the whole thing... but gay never entered into my mind.. it wasn't and isn't sexual in that way.. I think it is more of a self expression type of thing.. an experiment of sorts.. kind of the old saying "if it feels good do it" and it felt and still does feel good..

[MissConstrued]

For me, the purpose of language is to communicate, it is not to constrain thought.


And we can only communicate so long as words have meanings. If everyone decides to use words in accordance with their own personal semantics, we'll have a massive breakdown in communication.

My posts are never angry. I do my best to use words in such a manner that my point is clear, which quite often comes across as blunt. Flowery prose breeds misunderstanding.

Call yourself whatever you wish. Just don't expect others to believe that a relationship involving you -- a male -- with another male, is heterosexual. We are talking about physical sex here. Otherwise, why pretend words have meanings at all? Why don't we all just throw our dictionaries away, and mumble and grunt to each other?

[Kelsy]

Funny but I never thought I was Gay I knew I was Hetro but man I certainly was confused!!! All I knew was I wanted to be a girl!

Kelsy:)

[jordyn.wayne]

I have never considered myself 'gay' unless you consider my desires when i'm dressed. I enjoy looking at all humans for their individual traits of beauty, I just recently started looking at everybody just a little differently men included, iv'e began to notice little things, such as the care put into the grooming of ones nails, or a guy that grooms his eyebrows, etc... things i never noticed before i accepted my fem side. it is an awsome way to see the world. but in no way have i ever been or will i be gay.

[marla01]

And we can only communicate so long as words have meanings. If everyone decides to use words in accordance with their own personal semantics, we'll have a massive breakdown in communication.

My posts are never angry. I do my best to use words in such a manner that my point is clear, which quite often comes across as blunt. Flowery prose breeds misunderstanding.

Call yourself whatever you wish. Just don't expect others to believe that a relationship involving you -- a male -- with another male, is heterosexual. We are talking about physical sex here. Otherwise, why pretend words have meanings at all? Why don't we all just throw our dictionaries away, and mumble and grunt to each other?

LOL, you can try to label me any way you like. That is your exercise in futility, not mine.

But the fact remains, I find how I relate to others sexually, and how others relate to me sexually is dependent on my gender. I find this to be an interesting observation, with possible implications on the vary nature of sexuality and sexual attraction. Shoot, I actually find my sexual chakra's change, and even how I orgasm changes depending on my gender (for example, as a woman I am capable of multiple orgasms, mainly because my chakra has moved away from my genitals).

It's just an interesting observation.

Marla

[MissConstrued]

as a woman I am capable of multiple orgasms,


Horsefeathers. With strengthening of certain muscles, and paying attention to the ejaculatory reflex, most any male is capable of multiple orgasm.

The mind is a very powerful thing, to be sure, and we've barely scratched the surface as a species for what it can do. But it has limits. I daresay you can no more make yourself a woman by the power of your imagination than I can make myself Yoda.

[iwearstockings]

I have never been attracted to men. In all my wildest fantasies its always been girls.

[Lee Andrews]

As a teenager I was totally messed up. My love of dressing made me think I must be gay but I had no attraction to men.I was totally in awe of the females around me. I wanted in their skirts in a couple of ways :o. I think I would have gone insane trying to figure it out on my own. The internet was my mental savior, I was able to research and find out I am not the only one. Just one of many that has to keep everything somewhat hidden from most of the people around me. With this forum and other sources I have been able to come to terms with it and my mind is in a better place with the whole thing.

With that I would like to thank the members here for their thoughts on all subjects because of you I am learning something all the time.

[kellycan27]

Nope. Can't do it, have no desire. Gay, by definition, never been with a man while I was in drab (began dressing before sex was an issue) No attraction to men in dresses, masculine or feminine. Hey buster! there's only room for one girl here, and yer lookin at her.
Yup, gay by definition, consider myself a str8 female with a difference. Might just be a head trip, but since I have stopped worrying about it, I am a lot happier, and I just love being Kelly.

[GnuHu]

I basically chose to open myself up to being with men the more I realized what my real-world prospects were with women.

[kimmy p]

I can fairly easily describe what I am. I am a straight male with androgynous tastes. I also under-dress constantly and dress fully on occasion. I am also a man who feels that he understands the female side of most disagreements more than most, and who wishes that society would just chill out and let everyone just be themselves. See easy!:bonk::bonk::bonk:

[sometimes_miss]

Well, by the time I was 13 I had been dressed up and been 'the girl' in a sexual relationship for many years, so I kind of thought that's what I was. I don't know if I could have classified myself as homosexual, because I really thought that I was going to grow up and eventually BE a girl at that point. For the next couple of years after that, I gradually realized that I had no sexual interest in males, and for a while I thought I was a transsexual. It took much longer for that concept to pass. Eventually I came to understand that I'm just a heterosexual male attracted to women, but that I will forever be stuck with the underlying feeling that I'm supposed to behave, dress, and relate intimately as a female. It really sucks, that.