why do you get asked this?

[sophieuk]

Hi all,

Been a few days till i last posted. Just wondered if any one else has had the same problems as me. Firstly, When you do pluck up the courage to tell people about cross dressing etc, why is the first thing they ask " are you gay". I have had this loads of times. or, people just think you are? It just seems to me that, because a Male want to wear clothes that are normally worn be females. Its not like there are labels in side these clothes which say " CAN ONLY BE WORN BE FEMALES".

Also, i had had many people PM me. Many are really nice, say nice things and just want to chat, ask things about clothes, make up etc. But, i have had some who think that because i like.. Nope, LOVE to dress in short denim skirts etc, that i really want to get on my knees and perform some type of sexual favor. Of even try and some HANDy work. Again, it comes down to the " if you dress like a woman, you must want to do sexual things like a woman". Ok, some people do and enjoy it. But me, im straight as the pope( god, i hope he don't come out of the closet and say he is gay. I am not gay. I have nothing against gay people. Nice that people can love each other. But why do they thing cross dressers all are.

Well, thank you for that, just wanted to get that off my chest. love sophieuk :)

[Kimberly]

I've come out to people recently, and I've explaied that I'm not gay before they even thought about it!!

I think things may be changing... :)

[DonnaT]

Because the first thing they think of is "drag queen". And most DQ's are gay, or portrayed that way on television.

[Kimberly]

But the significant difference between a drag queen and a CD, is that we're trying to pass... they're trying to entertain!

[cindybarnes]

Sophie, people have had that impression of us for a long time because they just dont know, and it will take a long time for that stereotype to go away too.

I explained to my wife not long ago how most gay guys would not be cought dead in a dress, I think she understood a bit more then,, and thats after many other discussions about all this.

I also had a girl at a lesbian club ask to join me and a cd friend at our table once, she asked the same thing along with about 100 other questions :)
She thought we were there as a couple, and was surprised the we were both happily married and not into guys.

I do have a couple cd friends that are bi/ gay whatever, no big deal ,, I hate lables too, but do see how it can be confusing to those who just dont know .

Cindy

[Kimberly]

(overkill on the posts, I know...)


I do have a couple cd friends that are bi/ gay whatever, no big deal ,, I hate lables too, but do see how it can be confusing to those who just dont know .

Cindy
We all have one thing in common: Crossdressing...

... but we have a wide cross-section of sexualities here. Gay, bi and straight. They two aren't really linked in any way - so it would seem.

[Tristen Cox]

Hi all,

Been a few days till i last posted. Just wondered if any one else has had the same problems as me. Firstly, When you do pluck up the courage to tell people about cross dressing etc, why is the first thing they ask " are you gay". I have had this loads of times. or, people just think you are? It just seems to me that, because a Male want to wear clothes that are normally worn be females. Its not like there are labels in side these clothes which say " CAN ONLY BE WORN BE FEMALES".

Also, i had had many people PM me. Many are really nice, say nice things and just want to chat, ask things about clothes, make up etc. But, i have had some who think that because i like.. Nope, LOVE to dress in short denim skirts etc, that i really want to get on my knees and perform some type of sexual favor. Of even try and some HANDy work. Again, it comes down to the " if you dress like a woman, you must want to do sexual things like a woman". Ok, some people do and enjoy it. But me, im straight as the pope( god, i hope he don't come out of the closet and say he is gay. I am not gay. I have nothing against gay people. Nice that people can love each other. But why do they thing cross dressers all are.

Well, thank you for that, just wanted to get that off my chest. love sophieuk :)

Read between the lines of this thread and it will help to explain a little about stereotyping:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6973

[lorna2cute]

Because the first thing they think of is "drag queen". And most DQ's are gay, or portrayed that way on television.


But the significant difference between a drag queen and a CD, is that we're trying to pass... they're trying to entertain!

I have the same theory. Most drag queens are homosexual men who only don wigs and makeup for entertainment purposes. Ordinary people will automatically think about drag queens when the topic of crossdressing comes forth. Yet very few people out there are perceptive enough to distinguish between the two.

[cindybarnes]

Amilie, you make some good points in your post. I can only speak for myself here, but I dont feel like In exactly hiding if I mainly go the gay/lesbian places, or even a pride parade. I go where my comfort level is best and I know I will enjoy being myself.
Things change, people grow, so who knows where my comfort level may be someday ?
We are all different somehow, and thats one reason I like reading how others feel and handle this side of life, but like its been said in this thread, we all have that special thing inside that brings us here :)

Oops Im getting way deeper than I usualy like,, Sorry :D

Cindy

[cindybarnes]

I gottcha Amilie :)
I realy admire those of us that are comfortable mingeling in the mainstreem and helping to change the opinions and thinking of others !

I remember the smiles on a few folks faces when about 14 of us girls met at a japaneese resturaunt for sushi :eek:

Not sure that did any good helping the cause for understanding LOL But we were treated well and enjoyed some good food :) It seems my comfort level is much higher with a group like that when we were oviously not all trying to blend in LOL.

Something like that dinner may never had happend 20 years ago without probs,, so I wonder how things will be 20 years from now ? Im betting it will a lot more understanding by then !!

Cindy

Cindy

[Wendy me]

i think you /we get the gay thing because people just don't know all that mutch abought us......and the pm's well just eather deleate them or say not in to that ..don't take them to mutch to heart i mean on the web and people will be people some with thoughts that don't quite match yours ...........

[Khriss]

and if we are understanding, I've personally found no compassion- from gay people,, like I'm a "pretender" or,,hmmm kinda like - a "Guy in a Dress must be-!?,,,, friggin Steriotypes , need to hmmm -gooooo awayyyyy,, swish-and -did that sound gay enough? Some could just- ohhh(leave "IT" Be-) not sorry-"K"

[Sally2]

Hi all,

Been a few days till i last posted. Just wondered if any one else has had the same problems as me. Firstly, When you do pluck up the courage to tell people about cross dressing etc, why is the first thing they ask " are you gay". I have had this loads of times. or, people just think you are? It just seems to me that, because a Male want to wear clothes that are normally worn be females. Its not like there are labels in side these clothes which say " CAN ONLY BE WORN BE FEMALES".

Also, i had had many people PM me. Many are really nice, say nice things and just want to chat, ask things about clothes, make up etc. But, i have had some who think that because i like.. Nope, LOVE to dress in short denim skirts etc, that i really want to get on my knees and perform some type of sexual favor. Of even try and some HANDy work. Again, it comes down to the " if you dress like a woman, you must want to do sexual things like a woman". Ok, some people do and enjoy it. But me, im straight as the pope( god, i hope he don't come out of the closet and say he is gay. I am not gay. I have nothing against gay people. Nice that people can love each other. But why do they thing cross dressers all are.

Well, thank you for that, just wanted to get that off my chest. love sophieuk :)
Sophie,
IN REAL ESTATE THE KEY TO SUCCESS IS LOCATION-LOCATION-LOCATION! iN REAL LIFE AS REGARDS TO CDs ITS PERCEPTION-PERCEPTION-PERCEPTION! THE PUBLIC SEE US AS THEY THINK WE ARE WHICH A LOT HAS TO DO AS TO HOW WE ARE PORTRAYED IN THE MOVIES, ON TV, AND IN THE MEDIA. TVs OR TRANSVESTITES ARE USUALLY MALE PROSTITUES (HENCE GAY) OR WE ARE LUMPED TOGETHER WITH DRAG QUEENS WHO ACTUALLY MAKE FUN OF WOMEN AS OPPOSED TO US WHO EMULATE THEM. WE ARE PORTRAYED AS TSs OR TRANSSEXUALS WHEN IF FACT WE JUST ENJOY DRESSING AS A WOMAN NOT BEING A WOMAN IN A MAN'S BODY. MOST CDs SEEK PLACES OF COMFORT WHERE THEY FEEL SAFE AND ARE NOT LIKELY TO BE OUTED TO THEIR REAL IDENTITY. ITS NOT FAIR OR EASY TO EXPECT US TO GO BLINDLY OUT WITH THE GENERAL PUBLIC. MANY WOULD HAVE A LOT TO LOSE IF EXPOSED. YES, WE HURT OURSELVES BUT LIFE'S NOT FAIR AND DOUBLY SO ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU LEAD TWO LIVES. THERE IS SUCH A DIVERSITY WITHIN THE TG COMMUNITY ITSELF THAT SOMETIMES WE FORGET WHO WE REALLY ARE. THE REAL ANSWER IS TO EDUCATE THE GENERAL POPULACE AS TO THIS DIVERSITY A TASK NOT SO EASILY ACCOMPLISHED.

[Fallen Angel]

i wouldnt worry,if you know what you are thats all that matters. this is a public forum and at times you will get one or two that may think otherwise.ive been here for a while and i get some very nice complaments as well as a few other things thru e-mails as well take it all in stride and enjoy it if your getting hit on like some of us other girls look at it as a great accomplishment!!!! and that your doing some thing right as one of my best gg friends would say when they stop looking and speaking thats when your in trouble xxooxx

[Sweet Jeanette]

Sophie,
IN REAL ESTATE THE KEY TO SUCCESS IS LOCATION-LOCATION-LOCATION! iN REAL LIFE AS REGARDS TO CDs ITS PERCEPTION-PERCEPTION-PERCEPTION! THE PUBLIC SEE US AS THEY THINK WE ARE WHICH A LOT HAS TO DO AS TO HOW WE ARE PORTRAYED IN THE MOVIES, ON TV, AND IN THE MEDIA. TVs OR TRANSVESTITES ARE USUALLY MALE PROSTITUES (HENCE GAY) OR WE ARE LUMPED TOGETHER WITH DRAG QUEENS WHO ACTUALLY MAKE FUN OF WOMEN AS OPPOSED TO US WHO EMULATE THEM. WE ARE PORTRAYED AS TSs OR TRANSSEXUALS WHEN IF FACT WE JUST ENJOY DRESSING AS A WOMAN NOT BEING A WOMAN IN A MAN'S BODY. MOST CDs SEEK PLACES OF COMFORT WHERE THEY FEEL SAFE AND ARE NOT LIKELY TO BE OUTED TO THEIR REAL IDENTITY. ITS NOT FAIR OR EASY TO EXPECT US TO GO BLINDLY OUT WITH THE GENERAL PUBLIC. MANY WOULD HAVE A LOT TO LOSE IF EXPOSED. YES, WE HURT OURSELVES BUT LIFE'S NOT FAIR AND DOUBLY SO ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU LEAD TWO LIVES. THERE IS SUCH A DIVERSITY WITHIN THE TG COMMUNITY ITSELF THAT SOMETIMES WE FORGET WHO WE REALLY ARE. THE REAL ANSWER IS TO EDUCATE THE GENERAL POPULACE AS TO THIS DIVERSITY A TASK NOT SO EASILY ACCOMPLISHED.

Did I hear right?---"Educate the Populace"?---HA!---Good Luck!---The general mindset of the Neanderthals and the Rock-chunkers out there is set,---Set in Stone!!!----The unthinking Morons out there will NEVER change!!! :cry: ---Maybe,-in 300 Years, ---maybe!---Wait a minute!---Why run down the Neanderthals?--They had nothing to do with it!---The Rock-chunkers, well, I don't know.------That is a tad high, to set your sights, if you think you can convince even 3 or 4 people of what we are, much less the rest of "em"!--------If Ya'All go to do this, I for one, will just sit back, and wait for the Smoke to clear!---They ain't "No convincing" the *******s!

[Tristen Cox]

You are sooooo sexy when you're angry;)

[wilma]

Bravo Amelie
I totally agree with you, I only wish I had the guts to follow through as you have. Comming out to the public would mean to me loosing a career which provides a comfortable living. For that price I am in the closet. The only contribution I can give to our cause is acceptance to all lifestiles and to support those lifestiles when I am in the public view. You have my admiration. LOL Wilma

[Donna Delite]

Part of the reason we're asked "that question" could be the result of so many gay personalities wearing makeup and lots of jewlery etc. So when people see us with the makeup etc they think GAY. And let's face it I'm sure there are plenty of gay and bi cd's.

[jenniferluv]

This is a question that comes up quite frequently on CD sites. I really don't see why this question keeps coming up. Why is it a problem if someone asks or thinks you're gay. If someone asks if you are gay, then tell them no, fairly simple. I get asked if I am straight, this question doesn't bother me, I tell them no, I am gay. Some people tell me that 90% of Cds are straight, then they ask me why a gay person dresses in fem. I answer them. but it doesn't bother me, I don't care if people think I am straight. I don't start a thread saying why don't people stop asking if I am straight. It is in people's nature to be curious.

The only thing that I can see is that y'all straight Cds are mostly in the closet, while gay cds are out and about. The public comes into contact with gay Cds, while the straight Cds are in the closet. If more straight CDs came out, and I mean tell people that you are a CD and not try to blend in at a shopping mall, then more people will know you exist. Read these forums, most CDs try to blend in and not be noticed, other Cds go to gay establishments. Some straight Cds are going to gay pride marches,,why? you're not gay,,, going to gay pride parades only fuels this stereotype that all Cds are gay. If you don't want to be looked upon as gay, then stay out of the gay clubs. Go to straight clubs so people can see you. Most straight CDs are either hiding in the closet or hiding in gay clubs, you have to have encounters with the public so they know that most CDs are straight. I know it is a big step for a straight CD to venture out and about, even worse if the CD was to come in contact with the public, this is scary for them. Most of my outings have been to straight clubs, I wouldn't limit myself to gay and safe clubs. This should be the same for straight Cds, you should go where you want, and then people will understand you better.
I know that labels are a no-no, but the thread was started by using labels, so my response does the same.

PS-The reason you get PM that are asking for lewd things,,,the title of this forum reads Crossdressers and their admirers. This is what admirers to crossdressers do, they ask things that might be lewd. I know that people say this is a forum for support, but the title says otherwise, so unless the title changes, expect admirers to PM you with these kinds of messages. Again, just politely tell them no thanks, it's really no big deal, as Nancy Reagan says, just say no.
Well Amelie, you must be from a large city. in the bible belt south where i am i would be arrested if i went anywhere other than the one local gay club (and i don't even go there).i would love to live where i could go out without being arrested or worse-beaten to within an inch of death or raped by a bunch of rednecks out to "teach those faggots a real lesson!". unfortunately MOST areas of the country are like here-people have the stereotype of who you should be ingrained and are not about to change it. i went through enough hell when i told my wife--two years in fact and i don't intend to put myself through that hell and worse with the general public. i am just happy to be able to dress as i wish in the privacy of my own home without the constant threat of having violence perpetrated upon my person by idiots. so now what? jenny

[Katie Ashe]

What everyone else said... When I told people, auto-gay was the response. I guess it is the way we are raised in society :strugglin

Katie

[Tristen Cox]

Going off from that Katie, I never was taught in school about gays being bad people or that crossdressers wear womens clothes therefore they must be gay. This is what I heard from my friends and other children growing up. They donned anything fem as unacceptable and called it gay, and not in the sense of being happy. They made it look like a bad thing.

I can only assume that it is carried on from generation to generation by word of mouth among children in areas where there is a strong stereotyping of what is gay or not. Hence these children grow into adults and are stuck in that closed minded way.

Sad people close there minds just because their friends said something isn't cool. How can we learn for ourselves if we believe everyone else? I'm a rebel and a non-conformist and damn proud of it. Opinions do not mean fact. And it is them who need to realise that, not us.

[lorna2cute]

I'm a rebel and a non-conformist and damn proud of it. Opinions do not mean fact.

Rock on, Tristen!!

I have lived by that belief my whole life. I've always felt deep down that going against the herd & living on my own terms was part of my destiny. And I still do today. :)

[lorna2cute]

Well Amelie, you must be from a large city. in the bible belt south where i am i would be arrested if i went anywhere other than the one local gay club (and i don't even go there).i would love to live where i could go out without being arrested or worse-beaten to within an inch of death or raped by a bunch of rednecks out to "teach those faggots a real lesson!". unfortunately MOST areas of the country are like here-people have the stereotype of who you should be ingrained and are not about to change it. i went through enough hell when i told my wife--two years in fact and i don't intend to put myself through that hell and worse with the general public. i am just happy to be able to dress as i wish in the privacy of my own home without the constant threat of having violence perpetrated upon my person by idiots. so now what? jenny

This is precisely why I would never live in a rural area. Out here on Long Island (30 min from the city) the suburbs are bad enough. Nothing but families, drunken college kids, and uber-conservative types. Hence the city is my refuge. ;)

[orchard]

is it such a stretch that people make the gay connection?
I mean, right, here we are, most couples are male female pair ups. Is it so crazy for someone, not overly familiar with C'ds, to make that conclusion?

I don't even think it is "evil society" perpatrating this question, simply a bombardment of hetro realationships. Girls go with guys, and, to the most typical person, I can see why they might wonder if a man wanted to look like a woman if he might not like to be with men too.
lol
orchard

[Kimberly]

Rock on, Tristen!!

I have lived by that belief my whole life. I've always felt deep down that going against the herd & living on my own terms was part of my destiny. And I still do today. :)
Here here!

Let's open their minds :D