Coming out..slowly

[Super Amanda]

Hello , everyone. I've taken a major step in the coming out process in telling my Mom that I'm TG. She is accepting and supportive, and it feels great. By the way I'm 29. The main reason I even came out is that about a year ago, I lost my job and had to move in with my parents. I knew I could only contain Amanda for a little while before she forces herself on me once again. On Halloween, I gave in to her and let Amanda enjoy a day out. I dresses up in 2007 for Halloween also, so now two years in a row.

After Halloween, I felt great sorrow having to change back into a boring 'ol boy :( I made it through the holidays, still jobless, but craving more Amanda time, of course.
About two weeks ago I built up the courage to tell my Mom the truth. Now I just need to tell my Dad. He'll be ok with it , I believe. He wont understand it, be he will accept it.

One strange thing is that THE day after I came out to my Mom, my Grandmother visited, and for some reason, brought with her the local news paper, with a huge front page article on TG and TS people. That was strange, don't know if it was worth mentioning.

Now I'm at a spot where if I tell my Dad, I can let Amanda come out for real for once, not in secret. You see, I've been fully dressing and venturing out for years, all behind everyone's back of course.
The problem I'm kinda having, is that I have to keep restraining myself from going too far, too fast. I KNOW I have to ease this onto those who I love, but I just want to hurry up and get it over with. I feel like I want to go straight to 24/7 female, but a slower transition will ease it on everyone, I believe.
Between the Halloween's and other little things over the years, I don't expect shock, just disappointment, and perhaps some embarrassment.
I guess I'm wondering what speed did others come out at. I'm sure it all varies greatly depending on what kind of people you're loved one are, but it may help me to hear a couple of different perspectives. Thanks Amanda

[Joann Smith]

Amanda ....I choose to do a slow transistioning ...came out to the wife bout 20 yrs ago
told her at some point that i may transistion...i agreed to wait untill the kids were grown.... so i had to wait till the baby was in her teens before i started HRT...and that was bout 5 yrs ago ...The family started to notice the changes bout 3 yrs ago and i slowly stepped up things according to thier comfort level. So basically i have allowed the to be a part of my transistion because in reality they are in transistion as well...


I know to many transistioning slowly may not be the ticket for them ....but for me so far it has worked out well...better than i suspected it would,, Now do not get me wrong i still got a ton of issues that still need to be worked out....but i can at least see them getting worked out at some point because all concern feel that they have an vested intrest in this transistion since they have been a part of it since the beginning..

Joann

[DaphneGrey]

I have outed myself to many people and the ones who know me well enough usually say we know or now I understand.

I am amazed at how many people pick up on my inner girl. Not to mention my outer one (shaving eyebrows etc) And I suppose I would like to scream Yes I am a crossdresser, to the ones who don't pick up on it.

I would bet your Grandmother knows. And any ggs who saw your halloween outfit. I once had goten dressed up for halloween party and girl I had known less than a week asked "how long have you been playing dress up?" I asked how she knew she laughed and said " your clothes fit, and you walk and sit like a girl."


Your loved ones will either accept you or they won't or you may find that they don't care which can also be hard to deal with. For me telling at first was an amazing relief wow I can talk about this only to find that people were happy to see me in a dress but did not want to talk about it.

I am rambling so I will stop now

I don't know if this helps but I hope so. You seem like a great person Amanda I am sure it will work out for you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Amanda....come out anyway you want!!! sometimes events conspire to force it or delay it....sometimes you just get blammo'ed....everybody does it differently..i think that says something about how difficult and complicated this can be (Not fair, but still true)

good luck to you and its nice to have your mom's support...

one funny thing that has happened for me is that i've told just about everybody, but due to my age and my teenagers, i havent really stepped out and i'm letting my girls slowly get used to it...

[Super Amanda]

Thanks for the alternate perspectives. Today I wrote a blog on my male myspace page, coming out basically, not too much detail, just some basics to start with. I only have like 6 friends on there and like 4 are family and 2 already know, and they all probably suspect, so I'm feeling ok.
I'm kinda done with letting other peoples hang ups dictate my life, but I'm not gonna just shove Amanda down their throats either. I feel MUCH less urgency inside now that I'm coming out. Baby steps...

[Sejd]

Amanda
Any speed is fine. It has taken me 3 years so far and I am only 90 percent out although I pretty much dress and live 24/7 as Sejd. You take the time it takes. It can be quick, it can take time. Whatever is right for you is what's right.
I wish you so much happiness and love and acceptance on your path. It is a wonderful journey. Difficult, but wonderful.
love
Sejd

[Carole Cross]

Hi Amanda, I an at a similar stage in my transition and have only just started coming out to people. I had to tell my landlord about it on Friday and he is OK with it. I plan to tell my family in the next two weeks, hopefully they will accept my decision. I hope to be full time at home by the end of this year, I am not sure about work yet because I have to change my job.
Good luck on your transition. :love:
Carole.

[StaceyJane]

I'm glad you have been about to start coming out to your family. Coming out is such a big issue for me. I spent a lot of time discussing it with my therapist. One day I will and maybe I can just be me.

[Angel.Marie76]

Congrats in being able to interact with your mother, and her being supportive of you. :hugs: I would have to say that I'm about to be in a similar situation very, very soon. I've came out to my son (11) and GF, and they've both taken generally well to the news. My friends on the whole have been outstandingly supportive, though I will admit I travel with a diversely thinking alternative crowd (Pagans, Goths, alt. lifestyles, etc.).

I know that 1-2 of my friends over the years I'm SURE had inclings that I might be a bit of a CD, and when I dressed to the 9's for Hallows last year many of my friends saw Angel for the first time - though I didn't 'come out' with clarity then - more as a litmus test. After that, I had inquiries with friends and it just came to be. One at a time it just became easy for me to talk about my feelings with them. Now I basically know that I can go to just about any gathering with them dressed and not have to worry about negative karma.

There are other friends that I know I HAVEN'T told, and those friends are in a different social (and geographic) circle than the rest. Some of them, I just know, once I tell them they'll be fine, but the others, well, I've already broke the ice with three and have had some mixed results. You live, you learn, you do. Always at a pace comfortable to you. If you have a reason to calculate risk into your outing, then take the time to do so.

While working with my therapist I've basically come to a crossroads for the sake of my son to tell my parents sooner than later to help him work through his discomfort. The intent is to give him someone else to talk to that will be (hopefully) supportive to my CD/TG natures. I have a very large hope that my mother will be supportive, as she's seen me in goth attire & makeup before, and have had many conversations with her about clothing and general personal presentation among other things. For a 60-something, she's pretty darn open minded, so all I can do now I hope for the best and bring my 'Cliff's Notes: Coming out to your Parents, Friends, and Family' that I've been accumulating over time. ;-)

Oh, and for the record for time calculation: Closet life: ~15 years. Blew the door of the closet in Oct. '08. Told 1/3 of my friends by Mar. '09. So that's about 5 months that I've been working to let the important people in my life know.

Listen to your own instincts and choose wisely grasshoppah. :-)