Clarifying Thoughts

[Shianna]

Hi All...

The wonderful thing about this community, is a special level of acceptance and togetherness that binds everyone.

Truly amazing..... And humbling......

I have been sitting here, thinking about why am I in a hotel room wearing a silky gown, bra and forms. Afterall, I'm a bloke! This somehow escapes me. I have no real desire to be a woman. I'm happy being a man. And yet I am somehow comfortable, and seek times to wear women's clothing.

So why is it I have a "stash" of women's clothing? Why is it I'd like to wear women's underwear daily? Why is there a massive sense of fear? Why did I just post pics of myself?

I feel this is so massively odd, and yet I want a little more. It just does not make a whole lot of sense.

Clarity, just currently escapes me.......

(Please forgive me, I just feel now it's time to ask.)

[Amanda Shaft]

If you apply cold hard logic to the ‘why do it?’ question it becomes impossible to answer. I prefer to not to question myself these days after years of doubt and to just go with the flow, enjoying the whole experience. Some things are beyond logic.
Amanda

[Shianna]

Logic is something I use daily as part of my normal jobrole. I certainly understand that degree of "absoluteness" just does not work here.

Is this simply all about the conflict between being a man, and wearing female clothing?

Thanks for reading/replying.

[tamarav]

You can set yourself up for almost any emotion or feeling when you start dealing with the human mind. Never underestimate the power of the mind to not accept absoluteness. Humans can justify virtually anything given enough time.

If you have to have a scientific rationale for feeling good being dressed, then you just set yourself up for an endless circle of questioning. Just go with it and enjoy life. Quit trying to make sense of something as simple as feeling good.

Just my 23 cents worth..

[Karren H]

The search for why really isn't worth the time and effort, in my humble opinion. Because even if you did find out..... It wouldn't change a thing.. You'd still love to do what you love to do.. Right? so instead of spending time pondering... I'd go shopping for something new and pretty!! :)

[JoAnne Wheeler]

It makes perfect sense because it describes most all of your sisters - we find

it hard to put into words, and yet we know in our hearts and minds that we

HAVE TO experience this FEMININITY - we just have to !

JoAnne Wheeler

"I'm an all American Bluegrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"

[Tina B.]

The word "why?" has two meanings.


It can mean "from what cause?" -- where did it all start? what is it in my upbringing/hormones/destiny/(insert term of your choice) that made me this way? So you can start looking for explanations, of which the flavour of the month seems to be pre-natal hormone imbalance. Though Freudians will offer a quite different answer, as will the religiously inclined, blaming our situation on either God or the Devil. Quite some difference, eh?


Katie is right, there are many different ideas as to why, if it is really that important to you, pick the one you like best and go have fun with it!
me I am kind of fond of "the Devil made me do it" school of thought!
Tina

[trisha59]

Its trite and certainly isn't what you're looking for but, Why? Because I can.

[janexx]

We have all been there - I think! The good bits of being there are truly wonderful so why dont you stop worring and just enjoy you femininity?

The fact that you have found this site with all the wonderful, and very similar to you, people here will, I am sure, help you to enjoy that side of yourself much, much, more.

Much love, Jane

[Deborah Jane]

So why is it I have a "stash" of women's clothing? Why is it I'd like to wear women's underwear daily? Why is there a massive sense of fear? Why did I just post pics of myself?

I feel this is so massively odd, and yet I want a little more. It just does not make a whole lot of sense.

Clarity, just currently escapes me.......

(Please forgive me, I just feel now it's time to ask.)

You did it because you can and it's part of who you are :)

Don't try and make sense of it Shianna, just enjoy it and go with the flow

[Shianna]

It's starting to sound like there are stages. Is this the case? Reading your input here seems to suggest that to me.

1: Hmmm... Interesting,
2: Fear, guilt, rationalising,
3: Get over it, and enjoy.

Step 3 seems like a massive one. But this is where I would say the comfort zone exists for us. How does one "get over" the thoughts of what the hell is this all about?

[Yvettegrl]

Step 3: Get over it, and enjoy.

Step 3 seems like a massive one. But this is where I would say the comfort zone exists for us. How does one "get over" the thoughts of what the hell is this all about?I started to get over it when I realized that there was nothing to "get over". This online group and my local support group made me realize that this is normal behavior for a lot of males, ones that aren't gay and ones that don't want surgery to "finish the job". Apparently many, if not most of us are happily married.

This discovery came only a couple of months ago and I'm still processing it. My first visit to an event with my local group was an eye opener. A few weeks before that evening I had never spoken a word to another person about my crossdressing (nearly 50 years of it). And there I was in a skirt (and nice lingerie, of course), talking to other men who were similarly dressed. (All were better made up than me, but nobody complained).

It was a revelation! Other than that event and one since I have not gone beyond my front door. That's OK, too. We all find our own comfort level.

Enjoy your fun, share your thoughts. It's safe here... theraputic, too!

Regards,

Yvette

[O2B Barbara]

It's starting to sound like there are stages. Is this the case? Reading your input here seems to suggest that to me.

1: Hmmm... Interesting,
2: Fear, guilt, rationalising,
3: Get over it, and enjoy.

Step 3 seems like a massive one. But this is where I would say the comfort zone exists for us. How does one "get over" the thoughts of what the hell is this all about?


It took me several purges over 30+ years and a lot of asking why an dwondering if I am twisted in some way. Now I just accept and enjoy completely. Do wish I could do it a bit more though. IS that step 4?

[beenherelongtime]

why? because it feels good.

[gretchen2]

I am very new here but I have to say what a bunch of wonderful woman. The support and encouragement to be something that is deep down inside of us all. With the fact that none of us have any real answers as to why we want to feel pretty and femme to the max. To have an outlet such as this site to relieve the torture and torment that some of us have in our minds is a blessing. It is that kind of support that makes me feel good about wearing a dress.
Gretchen.

[Shianna]

I agree that to have an outlet willing to support is completely awesome and heartwarming. I am glad I found this community. There is beauty about you all as an online society that I have not seen for a long time. {I spent time trying to establish a sideline business, only to be slagged and vilified by online forum know-it-alls. I closed it, due to stress and the damage done by these fools. Just not worth the pain.}

So, honestly, having people (online) support and be kind is a Godsend.

For me, I can't help but be somewhat analytical as that is my nature. "Black and White," as they say. Trouble is I can't see that in me relating to CD. So conflict occurs.

EG....
I don't want to change gender, but I do want to experience femininity.

I am a man, yet I can sit here in a dress, forms and knickers.

You could equate this to a conflict of programming. :) Funny, but at times I can feel my head implode thinking about this. Stepping past this point, into a zone where I can feel "normal" about CD is where I would like to be.

That's the hard part.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Shianna,

I think the girls have already said pretty much everything I can think of, so I'll just say hi to another aussie girl.

Nice to see you here.

Which part of Oz are you from?

Cheers

Tash :)

[Shianna]

Thanks for listening everyone. I just have a need to blurt. This must be the beginning of the next step.

Anyway....

It's awesome to know someone hears you.

[Carly D.]

If you apply cold hard logic to the ‘why do it?’ question it becomes impossible to answer. I prefer to not to question myself these days after years of doubt and to just go with the flow, enjoying the whole experience. Some things are beyond logic.
Amanda

I am the same way.. I had this folder in my clothing storage box thing that I have and the folder was called "my cross dressing manifest" .. and in it I tried to explain why I cross dress just in case something happened to me or someone found my clothes by accident.. and the thing was some fifty pages (front and back) long.. I had entries from my myspace and yahoo 360 and also from here and any other site that I thought would give an explanation as to why I cross dress and using other peoples expressions from all these other sites that jive with my feelings on the matter.. and then one day I sat down and opened the folder up to start reading and got two pages in and thought what is this about?? why is it so long?? if I can't explain in a hundred words or shorter then I shouldn't try to write and encyclopedia about it.. it just doesn't work.. so I shreded all the pages except the first paragraph which simply said I don't know why I dress this way.. and crossed out the "but in the following pages.." part.. it is just that simple.. "I don't know why I dress this way.. I just like to.. "

[Sigrid Cutie]

i relly don't know why i do it, is just this feeling i think we all get about wearing girl stuff
it makes us feel good, at least that's how i feel beeing Sigrid.

[Jess_cd32]

......I have been sitting here, thinking about why am I in a hotel room wearing a silky gown, bra and forms. Afterall, I'm a bloke! This somehow escapes me. I have no real desire to be a woman. I'm happy being a man. And yet I am somehow comfortable, and seek times to wear women's clothing........

Thats called being a closet crossdresser:)


......So why is it I have a "stash" of women's clothing? .......

See above answer:)


......Why is it I'd like to wear women's underwear daily?

See above answer once more:heehee:


......Why is there a massive sense of fear? Why did I just post pics of myself?

The excitement of doing something that may be considered taboo?


......I feel this is so massively odd, and yet I want a little more. It just does not make a whole lot of sense........

You have a touch of pink fog right now, you'll be fine:)


......Clarity, just currently escapes me....

The more time you spend here reading, I think the more you'll come to understanding your feminine side, once you accept it and integrate it into who you are as a whole person you'll find some true happiness.

[Ronni Seymour]

I feel this is so massively odd, and yet I want a little more. It just does not make a whole lot of sense.

Really, it is not all that odd, dear. And it doesn't make sense to those who don't experience the same inner workings of personality as we do. We just like an expanded wardrobe selection, and also, an expanded expression of our personality. As other sisters have said, just enjoy the journey of the growth of that girl.:hugs:

[BLUE ORCHID]

I gave up trying to figure out crossdressing and creation you will
drive yourself crazy if you don't just accept and enjoy it
.................................................. ..............................ORCHID

[CLARRISA]

For me i think it stems back to those adolescent years...never feeling like i was cool enough,witty enough,good looking enough to get a girlfriend. I used to get so jealous of other guys ease at "pullin" etc..I'd allways fumble my words on dates and never knew what sort of clothes to wear to impress the girls.Total lack of self confidence i had. Always felt like the observer rather than participant in life. Watching other people go forwards in life whilst nothing happens in mine...I think late teens early 20's was the worst, whereas most people were allready getting into serious relationships i'd manage about 1 date a year..The cross dressing was like an antidote to the negative feelings tho it was paradoxicly adding to them too, via guilt...it became "i don't deserve a girlfriend now anyway for doing this"......Hence purging...then i'd get envious of women..believing they got a better deal etc..if you're a half attractive women you'll never be in short supply of dates, a lot can barely get out of their teens before suddenly finding themselves engaged, they're never lonely for long.....i'm lot wiser now though and can see that a lot of the things i believed were false constructs...however i do hold this one belief..I feel pretty certain that its more fun to be a women than man in this world, but then again maybe its more fun to be crossdresser.hmmmm

[erin8042]

I have thought these exact same things. i say all the time "why am I doing this, it is so stupid." But then that stupid pink fog comes rolling around and I have to have a pair of pink panties. I don't understand it either!

[Angie G]

Don't ask why or look for reasons just enjoy the time you can spend dress hun.It's just more fun that way.:hugs:
Angie

[TGMarla]

While she was getting the wig, several more customers came in. As I was paying for the wig, I got one of them (who was standing there with her husband) to snap our picture. And she told me that I looked beautiful! She also told me that she loved my skirt. That felt good. Her very nice husband just sort of stood there with a dumb look on his face. I think this experience was very amusing for him.

And so I left, just glowing from a great experience, feeling very feminine and beautiful. It's hard to describe, but if anyone asks me why I crossdress, I'll tell them it's because every once in a while, I get to feel like that.

This is what I posted just after I went and got my new hair. It's the closest I can come to an answer. Other than that, I still haven't figured it all out, either. But I no longer spend a lot of time stewing over it. I just do the best I can each day, and try to derive what good I can from it.