Feeling Overwhelmed

[Eve_WA]

Ive had this feeling for a very long time, and there are times when it just seems to overtake me. I get in these cycles of extreme pink fog, accompanied by those of less so, to even shades of blue. But when I get in the pink, so to say, life where I am forced to interact with the world drab just becomes very difficult. The most immersed I get into my persona, the more comfortable I get with myself, and the way I really do feel deep down inside, the harder I find it to interact with the world in the form that I am 'expected' to present.

Not only an I confronted with these feelings, and the feeling that I want to become more open and forthright about my true self, and my true external expression of my inner nature. But I am also faced, yet again, the prospect of seeking employment in this Oh so wonderful economic climate that is beset upon us.

I feel that I am about at the end of my rope. Not only am I getting pressure from external, both far more the internal. The desire to be who I am, yet the need to provide for myself. Fortunately, I dont have a family of sorts to endanger. But I do have a lifestyle and a stability that I dont want to loose either.

The further I go down this path, and baby its been a long haul... though the last year has been the end of the log ride! the more I feel that I am not just a crossdresser, but that I fall into one of the more transgender or transsexual categories... though I personally hate pigeon holes. Its just those paths seem so scary to me. Those are some real life changing choices, Im not sure Im ready for.

So to get to an actual question here.... how do you all deal with this, and does any one else deal with these thoughts? I see the end of the rope, yet I dont see a floor below me.... help!

Eve

[Karren H]

When I feel overwhelmed.. I go play ice hockey!! Knocking someone on their ass does wonders for my mental state!! Then I go dress up!! :)

[Ashley Williams]

Hi Eve

I really feel for you.

I should be working at my growing to-do list right now, as I am in an increasingly difficult situation in my everyday world, and each time I put things off it gets worse.

But since I rediscovered my crossdressers login on an old laptop computer I have been spending a lot of time visiting, and as it is also something my wife hates, so I do so with double, and increasing levels of guilt.

It doesn't make combining the inner and outer worlds any easier, that I have to restrict my dressing severely and can only be where I want to be in my head!

But – and it is a big one - I have often wondered if I am just making my dressing a scapegoat for a general sense of failure.

I do not feel good about myself most of the time, but it is a dangerous thing to 'let out'. I cannot go round all day, displaying my innermost thoughts and fears, whether they are in a 'socially acceptable' form of expression or not.

I suppose what I am getting at is that the more our thoughts and feelings become part of an inner cycle that isn't shared with anyone, the more dangerous they are.

I don't have a solution to your situation or mine, but I do wonder how much healthier I might be if I didn't have so much time to dwell, and just got out a bit more. There are nine charity shops within walking distance of my house, for example, and I am sure that every one of them could do with even a couple of hours' help a week.

It is so easy to cut ourselves off by seeing our situation as uniquely unfortunate – I am speaking for myself here – but maybe we should 'feel the pain and do it anyway'!

Good Luck - in every sense - and thinking of you.

Lesley

[Tomara]

Hi Eve

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time in your life right now.
I have found great help in therapy to deal with these types of feelings , you can probably find one in your area by googling Gender Therapists , and if you need to talk to someone now your local hospital will have a mental health dept. with someone you can talk to for guidance.
If you want to feel free to PM me and we can talk.
I hope that this helps you in some way.

:hugs:Tomara

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Welcome to my recent world, Eve, after a long (too long) exile from

crossdressing, as my Spouse tells me, "You have becomer OBSESSED with

crossdressing (she just calls it dressing) - that is all you can think about -

night and day - you are off in another world" - I am afraid that JoAnne and

I fit that description - too many years of repression has burst through and

JoAnne is screaming that she has been hidden too long and she wants to live

her life to the fullest possible extent. This sounds like you, doesn't it ? I

really do not have an answer right now, but I do want you to know that you

are not alone. Maybe our sisters can offer advice.

JoAnne Wheeler

"I'm an all American BlueGrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"

[Kate Simmons]

It depends mostly on what you want and if you really want to take ownership of the feelings. To do that you have to get in touch with them and understand them. I get the distinct impression that many folks would rather not do that because if we take ownership of our feelings, we are also responsible for what we do. Some just find it easier to say: "The Devil (the CD compulsion) made me do it" and use that for an excuse.:)

[Angie G]

I'm in a very good place in my life I dress my wife knows and accepts. I dress 5 days a week most weeks. I'm right where I want to be. Just after Telling my wife the ''pink fog'' hit harn and I had to slowdown. It has leveled off And I'm good hun.:hugs:
Angie

[BLUE ORCHID]

When I feel overwhelmed.. I go play ice hockey!! Knocking someone on their ass does wonders for my mental state!! Then I go dress up!! :)

Looks like i will start playing hockey so I can blow off some steam
and knock someone on there---- DUMB ASS ------then go home and
dress up like a real lady.
Pink fog agression????
.................................................. .............ORCHID

[Alice Torn]

Karren, Blue Orchid, You need to also know, that what goes around, comes around. You might knock someone on their ass, but, what goes around, comes around, and you will also be down, on the ice. Keep your stick on the ice!

[tamarav]

Dear Eve,

It sounds like you are placing way too much effort into somehting that should be so much fun. The pick fog does have a way of multiplying and getting us deeper into the depths, but the next time you are out of the fog, just look back. Remind yourself how wonderful you felt and what you cherish and maintain control, just like I do. (right....) I can stop anytimne I want, I simply don't want to.

We need to get together and take some time to just talk.

Tami