I had a dream

[BekiJ]

Ok, it was a nightmare and not a dream. My wife found out. I either told her, or she caught me. Talk about waking up in a sweat. Nothing was really clear, but I am sure I was toast. I am obsessing about this whole thing way too much. Fortunately, just a dream.

One faction will say honesty is the best policy - tell her. Well, after 35 years, it’s a little late for that. She does not need the burden of knowing. And yes, this attitude is also selfish in a self preservation sort of way. I get it. Have looked at it from as many ways as I can, and I don’t see an up-side if she found out.

Once again, I will be extra vigilant to be sure I don’t leave any clues. If (when) I slip up, that will be the time to let the cat out of the bag.

Hugs
BekiJ

[gretchen2]

After 35yr she probably already knows. You really can not hide a secret that long from your wife. They know things?

[AllieSF]

I have had a similar dream, only I am not married nor do I have a SO. I really do not like to wake up that way at all! I believe that honesty as the best policy, but so far I have not had to walk the talk. Knowing myself I would probably just keep it to myself and join the No Tell club. I respect your decision and do not want me or anyone else to impose my or their righteous opinions on someone else. After 35 years you know what you are doing and clearly understand all the potential negative consequences. You definitely do not need to hear anyone tell you what to do. I do hope that you enjoy your life and special hobby and get a chance to partake in it as often as possible. I do recommend one thing. Have a nice glass of wine and sleep on your side all the time. I have found that I dream the most and worst when I am on my back. Happy dressing!

[danam]

I have had that dream my entire life. Sometimes it is as a young child, other times it is as a teenager, other times as an adult.

I wonder how many have lived and died while successfully keeping it a secret? I bet there are TONS. We'll never know.

The curse of being smart, of being vigilant, of being disciplined in life, is to be good at keeping a secret!

Sometimes I truly envy those who simply don't care and tell everyone, "I'm going to dress up and I don't care if you don't like it!" Unfortunately, that is not me! :)

[BekiJ]

I doubt she knows. Don't keep anything around the house.

If she knows, she is choosing to not acknowledge it. If that is the case, this leads me to believe that's the way she wants it.

Hugs
BekiJ

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I have a lot of dreams about crossdressing (pretty much every night) - they

seem to have the same ending - I get outed and oustracized and wake up in

that sweat - I suspect this is because of living in secrecy, guilt and shame

for so many years - Interesting I seem to be able to accept myself when I

am awake that I do in my dreams - thats weird

JoAnne Wheeler

"I'm an all American Bluegrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"

[Joanne f]

This is just the beginning , :OMG: you have heavy guilt weighing you down , it will consume you , your nightmares will get worse and worse, you will wake up screaming night after night , you are domed, the cross dressing skeleton will crawl out of that closet and get you , you can never fall a sleep again and be safe from it .:devil:

[Jess_cd32]

Its probably better at this point if you feel, that she doesn't know.
You must have been reading some of our experiences here that aren't going so well to have had that dream:doh:

Two points to consider, can you comfortably stay closeted and be happy?
Will she eventually find your stuff should you unexpectedly pass away, that would be far worse for her, something to think about.

[carolinoakland]

well you better hope that you don't talk in your sleep when you are having that nightmare. If she hasn't already. I had a friend who hid it for years, and then ''accidentally '' left some pictures on her laptop. It was a disaster, and it was mostly her inability to take responsibility for it, she wanted to stop hiding but coundln't make the choice so she left it to chance, and gee she wasn't realistic about the consequence's of the wife 'finding out' . It could have been handled a lot better. I worry taht you would get to a place where the burden of the secret makes you throw caution to the wind. Carol

[Sandra]

Will she eventually find your stuff should you unexpectedly pass away, that would be far worse for her, something to think about.

Well said Jess.

[Sheila]

From my Signature


Just because you don't speak the facts out loud doesn't erase their existence.
Silence is just a quieter way to lie

She will have the grief of your death to deal with, and then she would have the discovry on top ...... how cruel is that :sad:

[sandra-leigh]

Reading through postings on this forum, a lot of spouses feel betrayed when they find out after long marriages -- betrayed not by "the other woman", but betrayed that their spouse did not trust them enough to tell them (and what else did they hide?)

But it isn't that way for everyone: some spouses really would prefer to have never known, and some spouses are glad to find out so that they can get away from this "pervert" stranger as quickly as possible.

My guess is that most cases don't fit neatly into any of these categories, that there is a lot of individual relationship accomedation that doesn't fit into any neat categorization.


Telling after 30+ years... I really don't know. All other things being equal, I'd say that it is an amazing load off of you to be able to reveal it and stop lying (or "creative misdirecting") about exactly where you are when she calls on the cell, or about why exactly you are an hour late... or that it wasn't really a "business" meeting you went to, it was your crossdressing social club meeting, and you aren't going to <where-ever> for a job-related conference, you are going to a mini-convention... For me, the lies were eating me up, making me into the kind of person I didn't want to be. After trying to be honest for my years, it was a bit scary how easy it was to lie :eek: And one lie begets another...


Myself, having revealed, I'm still struggling a lot with the question of what parts of my dressing my wife personally doesn't like, and what parts she doesn't like due to belief that other people will disapprove, and what parts she doesn't like because she doesn't know how to deal with other people if they ask questions about my dressing, and what parts she doesn't like because she is out of touch with modern acceptable male fashion. And "girly" or not is not the determining factor: she loves my little thin silver butterfly stud earrings ("so cute!"), but she thinks my garnet oval studs are "too big" (whereas I would say they are more "guy sized" and a smaller garnet stud would be viewed as more feminine.) But at least I can talk to her about it, even if we don't talk directly to the subject as often as we should.

[TiffanyTgirl]

It seems to be easier to continue to live in secret than to come out because you have lived that way longer. Habits are hard to break, especially the bad ones. We seek acceptance, but probably won't know how to handle it if we ever get it. It will be a habit to sneak around and deny everything because it has been what we have done since we made our "discovery". My 2 cents.

[Ruth]

OK, it's easy for me to say because I'm out to my wife, I've done it, we've had the trauma and moved on. But it is worth it to have the truth out in the open. Believe me. A marriage should not be founded on a lie.
If you truly love one another, your marriage will survive this revelation. And if you don't - well that's a whole new ball game isn't it.

[MssHyde]

Many times I Look down and I have bare feet and my toes are showing.

The problems is they are most always painted.
Hot pink, red or purple.

Its seems so come out in my dreams.

I dream I'm at work look down and I have bare feet. brightly painted toe nails for all to see.:eek: (with toe ring)

Sometimes I get to work and double check to see if I left earrings in my ears, left ear is double and right is single pierced.

Dreams are strange!

[joann426]

i dont have that dreams cause i am out to my wife and my whole family it was hell at first but now it is just being normal like two girls living together
lolol!!! it is really fun dressing in the same room with her:heehee:

[BekiJ]

Allie, that is so funny - sleep on your side! I usually sleep on my stomach, and sometimes roll onto my side. I cannot fall asleep on my back. I’ve tried, because the only time I remember any dreams is when I wake up on my back! And most dreams are... acceptable. If I talk in my sleep, so be it.

35 years ago it was not an issue. Didn’t even know what crossdressing was. Just knew I liked her panties once in a while. About 10+ years ago, with stress in the family (not with my wife) and the internet, I figured it out.

If I am found out, I will deal with it. But to say, “Oh, by the way dear....” Not going to happen. I have a secret. She does not need the burden of having to keep it too. I am not prominent in my community, but I do have a business where I deal with the public. If it got out, frankly, I would have to leave town. No, it is not right, but that is the way it is. And yes, it is a risk, but as many of you know, there just ain’t no stopping.

Thanks for your comments, even if you disagree with my approach. This is working for me now. It may not in the future, but for now, it does.

Hugs
BekiJ