Going back the other way

[Kate Simmons]

Having mostly been a closet transvestite since puberty (when I was growing up, the term crossdresser was not used) until I was about 53 (when I came out openly) I found life to be mostly a roller coaster with trying to balance my responsibilities as a husband and father vs my "feminine" longings and feelings. As the children began leaving the nest, my need to assert my "femme" self increased to the point of obsession and this created a rift between my wife and myself.

During the last eight years, I came out, joined a TG group and eventually went out on my own to develop myself as a person. This included stripping things down to my bare self and basically starting over from the ground up. I was able to dress 16/7 and be a "woman" as much as possible. This allowed me to really get in touch with all of the feelings in an unrestricted way and without societal intervention. In this way I have achieved balance and integration of all of my feelings and have never felt better about being myself.

Curiously this integration has left me the ability to be myself without the necessity to CD in order to express my feelings (which I can now do freely in either mode). The nice part about this is that I no longer suffer from the driving compulsion to CD and when and if I do, it's totally by choice. In essense CDing has become a "nice to have" rather than a necessity for me. An added benefit is that I can really be in touch with my whole self and am enjoying my "guy" feelings as well, which I could never do in the past as the "guy" image I projected was basically a facade for the benefit of others.

While I realize that many here will say one can never give up CDing, I will qualify that and say it is possible to "give it up" if one sees it as a choice rather than a compulsion. What this does not mean is that I now become an idiot and act like a macho guy. What it does mean is that I'm now more in tune with my own feelings than ever before and don't have to do anything special to express them and am pretty much just myself. What it also means is that I now appreciate the feelings and vicissitudes of others more than ever before.:)

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I don't know what to say except that it sounds you have ODed on

crossdressing - I think that you may slow down your crossdressing, but I

do not think that you will ever be able to completely give it up - too many of

us have tried earnestly and failed. But, good luck in whatever you do.

JoAnne Wheeler

"I'm an all American Bluegrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"

[Ruth]

I think I understand where you have got to, Arianna. It's kind of my ambition too.
I enjoy my CDing but I hope it is a process rather than an end in itself.
I'm still nurturing my feminine self by dressing her up, but some day it would be nice if both sides could integrate and be a whole and complete person.

[Karren H]

Well still be here when you decide to come back, girlfriend!! :)

Ohhh and you have any cute shoes you don't want?? Lol. I'd give them back.. Honest!! :D

[docrobbysherry]

There r folks like u, that dress to express their female side, to whatever degree that is possible!

And folks like me, who r infatuated by the LOOK, and tactile FEEL of pretending to be female. Men r quite visually oriented. I keep waiting for my "female side" to show herself. But, to date, my fem persona is only visual!:sad:

[AKAMichelle]

I met another crossdresser several months back who explained to me a lot about crossdressing and balance. She said that balance in your life is when you are able to accept and be yourself regardless of the clothes you have on.

I have been on that journey as well. For the last 6+ months, I have dressed almost 24 hours a day. I see things much differently now as a result. It's not just clothes, it's me. I finally get it. I am the same person regardless of my body parts or clothes that I have on. That is a very liberating experience. I do have to admit that it comes with its own problems. For some time now I have wondered where I fit along the TG spectrum. I have a better understanding, but still lack some understanding of how to get to the next level. I don't feel like I will ever be done in the experience. The journey will just change a little.

I'm glad to hear that you reached another plateau of understanding. I salute you! Everyone is different and many will not understand. It's not turning your back on crossdressing. It's you finding who you really are. The clothes don't define the girl. You defy a label and are just you.

Way to go!

[Alice Torn]

Arianna, I always look forward to your posts, kind of like how I always looked forward, to Paul Harvey, around noon, for 40 years. I shed a tear or two, when i heard he passed on. He was like a wise uncle, or the father or grandfather I never had! I hear you loud and clear. I no longer have to dress often, like i did a few years ago. I am too tired, often. I love the lady things, but, seldom feel the need to dress. It is a choice, now, and less, and less often. I can see the time, when I will cease to dress, especially, in the very trying times ahead! But, they are in the big duffle bag, if I choose. You may not want to purge, everything, though. Thanks for all of your sharing!

[sissystephanie]

I don't know what to say except that it sounds you have ODed on

crossdressing - I think that you may slow down your crossdressing, but I

do not think that you will ever be able to completely give it up - too many of

us have tried earnestly and failed. But, good luck in whatever you do.

JoAnne Wheeler

"I'm an all American Bluegrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"

Joanne,

I have said it before and I will say it again. You CAN stop crossdressing if you really want to. Your tag line indicates that you don't want to stop!!

Arianna said he dressed by choice, not by compulsion. I do the same! In several other posts I have related how I did stop completely for a 5 year period (my choice!) and only started dressing again because mt late wife asked me to. If someone I really cared for asked me to stop on a certain date, I would do so. No questions asked!

Unless a crossdresser is a true transsexual, he/she can stop if the desire is there. There is no evidence of genetic input causing a person to become a CD. If one reads the many posts telling how they started, almost always it details how they like the look and feel of feminine garments. Then it goes on from there. Some CD's express a desire to live as a woman. To me, those are transsexuals! I don't know much about you, JoAnne, except that you seem to be a very nice person. But I do think you want to be a girl or lady rather than a man! If that is the case you probably will never stop CD'ing. I CD because I like to rather than because I have to, but I am still a man underneath and always will be. Arianna and Ruth apparently do likewise. As Arianna said, it is finding out who you really are, and accepting yourself that way. That is why I frequently go out in public dressed, but looking like what I am......a guy in a skirt!! I am happy with myself as I am. and really don't care what others think.

[txrobinm]

There was a thread I read the other day about the Jungian theory of the anima, a "second self" if you will of repressed feelings/expressions. Eventually, when one accepts and integrates these repressed feelings into the main persona, the desire or need to switch from one persona to the other diminishes. This theory of Jung's seems to describe very well what is happening to you now, and that is sometimes called "self-actualization".

[txrobinm]

Here's the wikipedia link...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_(Jung)

[Hali]

Having mostly been a closet transvestite since puberty (when I was growing up, the term crossdresser was not used) until I was about 53 (when I came out openly) I found life to be mostly a roller coaster with trying to balance my responsibilities as a husband and father vs my "feminine" longings and feelings. As the children began leaving the nest, my need to assert my "femme" self increased to the point of obsession and this created a rift between my wife and myself.

During the last eight years, I came out, joined a TG group and eventually went out on my own to develop myself as a person. This included stripping things down to my bare self and basically starting over from the ground up. I was able to dress 16/7 and be a "woman" as much as possible. This allowed me to really get in touch with all of the feelings in an unrestricted way and without societal intervention. In this way I have achieved balance and integration of all of my feelings and have never felt better about being myself.

Curiously this integration has left me the ability to be myself without the necessity to CD in order to express my feelings (which I can now do freely in either mode). The nice part about this is that I no longer suffer from the driving compulsion to CD and when and if I do, it's totally by choice. In essense CDing has become a "nice to have" rather than a necessity for me. An added benefit is that I can really be in touch with my whole self and am enjoying my "guy" feelings as well, which I could never do in the past as the "guy" image I projected was basically a facade for the benefit of others.

While I realize that many here will say one can never give up CDing, I will qualify that and say it is possible to "give it up" if one sees it as a choice rather than a compulsion. What this does not mean is that I now become an idiot and act like a macho guy. What it does mean is that I'm now more in tune with my own feelings than ever before and don't have to do anything special to express them and am pretty much just myself. What it also means is that I now appreciate the feelings and vicissitudes of others more than ever before.:)

If what u said can be proven (with testimonies and carefully written logs) then i will say congratulations because u have successfully proven the "Jung's Anima" theory........embrace CDing completely (no restrictions) and see where it takes u, as u do so try to find balance then if all go well u will "control" CDing and will turn CDing from "curse" to "blessing".

I see some truth in all what u said cos by merely accepting CDing the control one has over it will continue to increase.

[Inachis]

IMO, I think that it is a natural process of growing into the femme. Not that you are trying to become female, rather that you have allowed it to become part of yourself.

I personally feel my desire to dress not only waxes and wanes. It actually seems to have a balancing effect. It's like I'll have the pink fogs, then I'll go straight for a while. Only to be followed by pink fog, but the more pink fog the less I go en femme. It almost seems to be meshing into a person that I never thought I could be.

I think that you are probably proving that the duality of man can exist.

[Kelsy]

Arianna, I expect that having intergrated all of yourself that it would be easy to remain here with us No? We love your input and insight!! But tell me, does this mean you won't be wearing panties anymore???:D

:hugs:Kelsy

[Kate Simmons]

Arianna, I expect that having intergrated all of yourself that it would be easy to remain here with us No? We love your input and insight!! But tell me, does this mean you won't be wearing panties anymore???:D

:hugs:KelsyAnything is possible Kelsy. If I've learned anything at all in this life, it's to never say: "Never again.";):battingeyelashes::)

[vikki2020]

I think I understand. You have advanced to the next level! When it comes down to it, it's all in our heads, and the clothes are a prop to help get there. Maybe you have progressed past the need for the physical "look", because you are wearing your mental "look" full time now.Like young Luke, who has dicovered the force!:)

[Kate Simmons]

I think I understand. You have advanced to the next level! When it comes down to it, it's all in our heads, and the clothes are a prop to help get there. Maybe you have progressed past the need for the physical "look", because you are wearing your mental "look" full time now.Like young Luke, who has dicovered the force!:)Pretty close Vikki, although the yin/yang energies(what most people call them) are much more powerful and hold the universe together. I sensed this a long time ago but couldn't fathom it fully. Like the "Force" in Star wars, however, they are impersonal and we can learn to direct them as needed. Therein lies the real key to control our own destiny.:)