want to go out but cant find the nerve any suggestions

[candis47]

want to go out all done up hair nails make uphave a nice little skirt new shoes just one prooblem cant find the nerve to go out dressed can anyone help me to do this

[Kelsy]

Yes Candis,

Find a Crossdressing convention and sign up!! Join other girls like yourself and go out on the town, go to dinner, nightlife, shopping, you name it . It is fun and it is liberating. Its a saftey in numbers thing and alot of fun!

:hugs:Kelsy

[Leanne2]

Candis,
Years ago I joined Tri-Ess. They had their meetings in a hotel and rented a changing room. Then people could leave their house in drab and transform at the meeting. It was a safe way to get out of the house and be dressed with other cross dressers. I don't know what your personal situation is but this way works for many of us to finally come out in public. Good luck! Leanne

[Karren H]

Just keep going to the door..... Took me 20 attempts but kept turning around until the 21st time... Out the door and have never looked back!! It's a hoot out here!! :)

[PrettyFlowingGown]

want to go out all done up hair nails make uphave a nice little skirt new shoes just one prooblem cant find the nerve to go out dressed can anyone help me to do thisIts easy, once you get involved in a group. I went out 1st time last week, and on my first night I had to walk a block to get to the pub I was going too.......yes!!! in a dress. Really, theres nothing too it once you have confidence, and you are happy within yourself. I've done it once, and cant wait to do it again. Just find a safe place to go to, like a gay club/pub. Dont go mainstream places.

[Phyliss]

want to go out all done up hair nails make uphave a nice little skirt new shoes just one prooblem cant find the nerve to go out dressed can anyone help me to do this

I can't really hold your hand and lead you out of the door
I can, however, tell you my story.

Scared, frightened, petrified, shaking in my heels, and any other nervous feeling you can think of to describe me that FIRST time. I had reached the point of so wanting to go out yet was so worried.

A case of "fish or cut bait" Talk is easy. For all of us there is a particular "tipping point" and once we reach that, it's "out of the door and gone"

[Amanda.D]

Hi Candis,
I am no expert but I did things one at a time. I walk the dog early in the morning, which is better than evening, (as there are no teenagers, who are probably the most dangerous), where it is dark and there are not many people about. This gave me the opportunity to wear heels and pracitise my walk. Next, I went shopping in girls jeans, tennies and pink polo shirt which led on to slacks and flat shoes, which led to bra and forms, light make up and jewelry. Yesterday, I booked a makeover at MAC took a skirt and heels in a shopping bag and changed in the toilets. Next I am going to wear my wig out. I have got comfortable buying in drab and it was no different en femme. There will always be setbacks but the positives far outway any negatives. It IS worth it.
Hugs, Mandy

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Yeah suck it up open the door and walk out and go....

I had the same problem and finally about a month ago I walked out and did it...now I've been out three times in the past month...

It's hard to the first time but once you do it then your OK...It's like jumping into the deep end of the pool afraid until you do it but once you do it you say afterwards gee that wasn't so bad....just go out to one place and spend some time there experience it and stay for awhile and then come home...jsut got to get the "c o jones" to do it...

[Amy Hepker]

Do the best you can with your appearance (remember even girls don't look perfect all the time) Open the door, step out the door, making sure you locked it. Keep walking until you get to the car and find you forgot your keys and then freak out. Just make sure you are ready to go before you walk out the door and enjoy!!!

[tamarav]

Dear Candis,

Getting out for the first few times is truly one of the hardest things there is to do. I spent hundreds of wasted hours standing a the front door, making furtive little walks, down the 20 foot walkway and practically running back into the house. Hours of time wasted simply because I was too scared to get out.

Then I got out, drove to malls and spent untold hundreds of hours fixing my makeup, re-arranging my hair in the mirror, changing shoes, whatever to put off getting out of the car. After years of wasting even more time I would walk to the entrance of the mall and then back to the car, scared spit-less most of the time.

Today, I work dressed, interacting with all walks of people all day long, looking back at my former fears and thinking "what a fool I was to have wasted so much of my life in fear". Now I try to help other sisters in the same boat I used to be in, overcoming their fears of going out.

Just think of all the things in life you have accomplished that took courage and this is such a minor step (although it seems likes the most insurmountable obstacle ever) . This is something that will change your life and open your eyes to a whole new way of thinking and acting. It is very liberating.

So, the next time you go to the door, dressed and ready to go out, and you stop just think of this. Do I have to waste as much time as Tami did or can I get over this now? And just step out, shut the door, go to your car, drive to wherever you want and go in. Have fun and go home so high you won't be able to even imagine how much fun it could have been.

Your first venture might be to an accepting gay bar or a venue that is open to CDs and once you go in, you will find many of your friends right inside the door.

Have fun and let your heart rate calm down.

Tami

[Marjory]

This is NOT an insult. I looked like you about 2.5 years ago. A change in diet, and 6 days a week at the gym have knocked 40 pounds off of me. Women's clothes are no longer a size problem(except for wide shoulders). If I ever get the chance to dress again I'll feel very confident.
People tell me I look about 50( I think they're lying) but I'm 66.

[vikki2020]

That first step is the hardest, but I promise you that once you take it, you will find that it ain't that bad! After a few times, you won't even think about it! Good luck:thumbsup:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Call ahead - tell them what you want and if it would be okay to come dressed

enfemme - then hold your head up high - take a deep breathe and just go do

it - "YES WE CAN" attitude


JoAnne Wheeler

[valenstein]

Candis,

Here's a few suggestions:

Don't go alone, or at least make a friend who will meet you outside of a club or something. It's always easier to walk in with a friend.

I'm not sure where in NY you are but there's a big night in lower Connecticut every six weeks or so at a bar called Triangles, more crossdressers than you can shake a lipstick at. There's a hotel nearby and even people who will do makeup if you wish. There is always more than one person there who is out for the first time.

Don't overdo your outfit and makeup if you don't want to attract attention.

I keep makeup remover, and a pair of jeans, a tee and sneakers in the car just in case of an emergency.

The worst thing to do is worry about if people are looking at you, because you have to look at them to notice. Good luck!

[TxKimberly]

Yeah suck it up open the door and walk out and go....
t...

I liked a lot of the advice you have already been given, but especially Sherry's down to Earth and blunt one. It appeals to my Military back ground. It IS just that simple - Suck it up and do it!

Karen's comment was also spot on. I tried over and over and just couldn't get out the door, but eventually I got there. These days I wouldn't recommend getting between me and the door 'cause you might get run over.

I've had an epiphany about a month ago. Every one complains that society wont accept them, and "why can't they just let me go my own way". Well, to be blunt, that's bullshit. Society doesn't care - not in the smallest, tiniest way. The only person who is having trouble accepting you is YOU. A lot of US find it hard to tolerate the idea that some stranger may look at us and realize we are crossdressers. Many of US can't accept our being a crossdressers, so the problem is ours, not societies.
Go. Just open the door and walk out it. You will feel like you have been in prison all of your life and didn't even know it.

[Holly]

I take it you have your big girl panties... put 'em on and get on with it! Okay, maybe easier said than done. Try and look at it this way... remember the first day you went to school. For a lot of us, being away from home (our comfort zone) was a terrifying thought, And then we had to wear these funny new "school clothes" and they felt weird. But once we got there, we met some new friends, discovered that there was tons of new things to do and explorations to be made into areas we never even dreamed of before.

So now substitute your girl clothes for school clothes, and the mall (or a park, or a restaurant, or whatever) for the school, and discover all the wonderful things that are awaiting you!

[Berta82]

I too am having trouble building up the nerve to go out. I fact, today I dressed in a black sweater and ankle length dress with clogs. No wig, no makeup. I also wore my male winter jacket to cover up a little. Made it into the car to go to the bank drive thru and walked right back into the house. I think all of your suggestions are great but the one that sticks with most is taking baby steps.

[Elisa]

I find myself in much the same situation as you really.. I've been outside the house a couple of times, but only in the garden taking out the garbage etc.
I'm thinking that my next step would be to go for a drive dressed up.

I've just re-started my CD'ing though, so I'm still not happy with my "finished look"

Hoping to get to know a few people around where I live now, maybe someone that is already out, so they can help me get ready and join me when I go.. Having someone with me would definitely make me go all the way at once, rather than just trying to step it up.

[Carole Cross]

candis, my first time out was to a local TG meeting a short walk from where I lived. I was very nervous at first but soon made some friends and haven't looked back since. I have been out five times now and have three more outings planned for this month, plus a visit to my coumsellor, en femme.
It is not as scary as you may think, most people won't even give you a second look, at least that was my experience. :D

[Debie]

Hi Candis

I am in the same boat with you, want to get out but I am scared to death:sad:. I do agree with some others that mention about getting together at a Crossdressing Convention, I think that would help a lot. I also agree with Elisa, if I could meet some people in my area or an area that I am visting, to help me and be with me the first time I go out, I do spend a good bit of time out of town so that would help. I am still in the closet and will probably have to stay their as my wife would never accept this and I am very much in love with her:love:.. If however I could plan an event it would be great. Today I went to the post office just the drive thru area wearing a blaack skirt, white silk blouse, pearl necksace and braclet, bra 44-c and panties, I was really scared to death but very excited:). I still need to purchase a wig and learn to do my makeup.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, I have a problem with that

[TiffanyTgirl]

Why don't you underdress and do most of your makeup, put and outfit out in the car with your wig. Drive out somewhere you have scouted and change the rest of the way. Now you are out! From there you can do what you want. Just a suggestion.

[MissConstrued]

I'll be happy to sell you some of my nerve.... One 12oz. can is a month's supply. Yours for only 99 easy payments of $14,999.99! :D

Seriously, no one can give you nerve but you.

Unless you have the magical +2 Amulet of Invisibility.

[Kelli Michelle]

We have a Yahoo group in San Antonio, with tons of people in it. Very few ever respond and/or go out ith us when we go. They may never do it. I was once one of those. After I joined the local Yahoo group, I met up with another CD at a restaurant (both in drab). We discussed EVERTHING. A few weeks later we made plans to go out with another cd. We met at one of their houses (this makes it easier, way easier), got ready and went out. I was still shaking like a leaf, even though it had just gotten dark, but I made myself. I was fine in the car. When we got to our meeting place, I was shaking so much they asked if I was ok. The meeting was in the basement of a Unitarian church which was very accepting of TGs/gays, etc. The basement was the home of the gay Alliance in San Antonio. When I walked in the guys and girls there were happy to see us, had big smiles on their faces, and said "have fun at your meeting..." Later we went to a cafe that had mixed clientele (gays, straights, and tgs). I was really nervous still. After a drink, I relaxed and the rest of the night was magical, I feel for the cds who want to get out but just have never been able to take that first step. You can do it!!! Find a group, have discussions, go somewhere else if that helps. Once you get out, I am pretty damn sure you will like it. Like so many have said you will wonder why you didn't do it earlier.

Good Luck!

[Shelby]

2 weeks ago, I did the unthinkable. I went out shopping in a mall and at Target enfemme. I have only dressed in the privacy of my home. Where I used to live, I would go out in the backyard and walk around. When I moved to the metro area I started simply by walking around the halls. No one knew me and I actually didn't really see anyone. Then I drove around the area. Confident in my appearance, I braved the mall. I find it harder to step out of my apartment then walking through Target, don't know why. Take small steps and be brave

[lisalove]

The way I did it was to start by wearing clothes that aren't obviously feminine. Then start wearing more and more feminine over time. Then a little lite make up here and there. After a while, I was out in dresses, carrying a purse, wearing a wig and make up and the jewelery. it took many many trips out the door, But now I'm out doing things, the way I realy am.

[Sally2005]

For me, I ask myself, ...how many years have I been trying to go out and could never do it? How many more years do I want to do it? ...the answer was obvious...being scared and not going out has not helped me feel better (for years), so the only alternative was to change it. I went out, I could say I overcame my fear! And I felt better.

Another way to put it, what if you felt regret on your final death bed for not doing it all your life...you could be gone tomorrow...so do it now. If it doesn't work out, no big loss at least you won't reget not doing it.

[megan163]

Follow the Nike mantra and just do it. It will be scary for sure, but exhilarating at the same time. You will be hooked I guarantee it and it will get easier with each time out. Just take it easy first time on dressing and go casual to blend.
Have fun!

[candis47]

thank you everyone for your imput i think iam gonna JUST DO IT on sat iam going out look out world

[Ashley in ROC]

First off let me say Hi to everyone. This is my first time posting. I was just like you candis until tonight, I walk to the door, closed it behind me & went for a 2 block walk & back. It was a huge step for me & it was a rush. Can't wait to go out agian.

[Rachael Ray]

I liked a lot of the advice you have already been given, but especially Sherry's down to Earth and blunt one. It appeals to my Military back ground. It IS just that simple - Suck it up and do it!

Karen's comment was also spot on. I tried over and over and just couldn't get out the door, but eventually I got there. These days I wouldn't recommend getting between me and the door 'cause you might get run over.

I've had an epiphany about a month ago. Every one complains that society wont accept them, and "why can't they just let me go my own way". Well, to be blunt, that's bullshit. Society doesn't care - not in the smallest, tiniest way. The only person who is having trouble accepting you is YOU. A lot of US find it hard to tolerate the idea that some stranger may look at us and realize we are crossdressers. Many of US can't accept our being a crossdressers, so the problem is ours, not societies.
Go. Just open the door and walk out it. You will feel like you have been in prison all of your life and didn't even know it.


Well said!!!!

[kellycan27]

First time is always a killer. But it does get easier. Before you know it it'll be a breeze.

[iwearstockings]

Maybe go to a T/G friendly club first. You can usually change there and the crowd will be into it!

[msginaadoll]

My opinion, which may not be worth a hill of beans. Find someplace comfortable to go to at first. Nighttime is easier to get out than day. Dress appropriately for the situation. Finally if going out in general public, accept that people will read you, that is see u as a crossdresser. It is only when u come to grips with that that i feel u can be comfortable in your skin. Also expect to have people look at you. More looks especially if dressing to stand out rather than fit in. Also more looks if you differentiate from the average female. Bigger, taller cds will get looked at more often than a more petite one. Also people may not be so accepting and hey thats their right. It's my right to dress, its theirs to accept me or not. We do not live in a fairytail world so it is hard to get out the door. But there are several choices, take babysteps or even take a flying run out the door. Either may you may fall down and get bruised a little but hopefully decide to get back up and keep on walking.

[Lainie]

You could go out entirely en femme, but trying to pass for a guy! :battingeyelashes: Your best-fitting girl's jeans or slacks; trainers or flats; a plain blouse or polo shirt with girl-side buttons; a sweater to hide the buttons--and the bra--if the weather permits. Trouser-sox or opaque hose or tights, nothing see-through. You could still wear a necklace, maybe work up to cosmetics & earrings later. You'll have to carry a purse because the girl-pants won't have functional pockets, but you could carry it in a back pack.

Later, you will have more courage and experience. Also, start with places that are least threatening; e.g. go to a re-sale or thrift shop, and buy something--even just a necklace. They are always delighted to have a new customer!


"Mufti, or civies/civvies (short for "civilian attire"),[1] refers to ordinary clothes, especially when worn by one who normally wears, or has long worn, a military or other uniform." Wikipedia

[sue ellan]

i dont know if this will help or not but the first time i went out the door. i said now its show time. i havenot looked back since.

sue ellan

life it like a roll of tp the closer to the end the faster it goes.

[marykrissmithcd]

Recommend finding a CD gf in your area that belongs to a group like Tri-ess and go as their guest. At least you will be with other girls, some in your same situation. From there you can venture out either with a friend for the first couple of times or on you own. Let me tell you the first time you get out the door and into your car, you will be nervous as hell but do it any way. My first time out was to get dressed and do nothing but go for a drive. Make sure you vehicle is in good working order. HAVE FUN.

[karinels]

Thanx for the topic, candis. I am just like you, can not find the courage. And thanx to all who gave the wonderful suggestions and support. Even though I am scared now, just as all of you said, once I get out, I will love it, and that will be the reasoning behind my venturing out.

[Nicki B]

I think all of your suggestions are great but the one that sticks with most is taking baby steps.

The 'bungee jump' approach may work for some - but I'd advocate taking it slowly, but often, stretching yourself just a little more, each time..

If you take big leaps into the unknown, you run much more of a risk of falling in a heap - and when you're nervously starting, the last thing you need is knocks to the confidence?

But Kimberly is also quite right - the real enemy you have to defeat is yourself - no one else. ;)

Good luck.

[candis47]

well its sat night and I DID IT just for a drive and it was great thanks everyone cant wait to go out again

[sissystephanie]

I liked a lot of the advice you have already been given, but especially Sherry's down to Earth and blunt one. It appeals to my Military back ground. It IS just that simple - Suck it up and do it!

Karen's comment was also spot on. I tried over and over and just couldn't get out the door, but eventually I got there. These days I wouldn't recommend getting between me and the door 'cause you might get run over.

I've had an epiphany about a month ago. Every one complains that society wont accept them, and "why can't they just let me go my own way". Well, to be blunt, that's bullshit. Society doesn't care - not in the smallest, tiniest way. The only person who is having trouble accepting you is YOU. A lot of US find it hard to tolerate the idea that some stranger may look at us and realize we are crossdressers. Many of US can't accept our being a crossdressers, so the problem is ours, not societies.
Go. Just open the door and walk out it. You will feel like you have been in prison all of your life and didn't even know it.

You had already received some great advice before Kimberly's, but she summed it up perfectly. Society really doesn't care!!

I think I am a prime example of that. My late wife always did my wig and makeup before I ventured out in public. I never was very good at those things. Now that she has passed on, I just go out dressed with no wig and no makeup. This past evening I had to go to Sam's Club for a few things. I was wearing a denim knee length skirt and a deep v-neck 3/4 sleeve top with ruching and beading at the V. Of course panties and bra underneath. As you can see in my avatar, I have no need of forms!:) The store was packed, and nobody even gave me a second look!! People really don't care!!

Dress up, open the door and go out!! You will be glad you did!! And you will do it again and again!!!!:hugs:

[Amanda_Robinson]

... Society doesn't care - not in the smallest, tiniest way. The only person who is having trouble accepting you is YOU. A lot of US find it hard to tolerate the idea that some stranger may look at us and realize we are crossdressers....

After becoming bored with my routine walks to the mailbox I decided to go to a local casino. I walked right in the door and stood there waiting for the world to stop what it was doing and gawk at me ... nothing .. (and I am over 6ft tall). I was faced with the realization that the world did not revolve around me and the fact that I went to a public place dressed up really didn't matter to anybody but me. :)

The advice I got for this forum was 1) pick a safe place 2) visit it in regular mode and see how most women dress there 3) relax and enjoy yourself :)

I say all this not having mastered my own confidence yet :o but it gets easier.


~Amanda

[RobertaM]

All i can say is go for it.

I have gone from closet to fully out in two months.

I used a Xdressing service to help me out for the first time. Went back three more times.

Spent two weeks getting my look and equipment together

And then BOOM. independence.

I have been out 2 saturdays in a row shopping. HEAVEN.
If people read you , and they usually do. flash them a big confident smile.

I had a great day out shopping,,
COME JOIN US!!!

[vanessaa]

just go for it you look great , vanessaa uk

[Josephine 1941]

Hi Candis, My god girl you are in the heart of CDing The city is great. Connecticut has great places. Once you do it there is no turning back, I hate dressing in drab to go out so dose my GG she rather see me dressed that as a male. GO GET THEM GIRL:brolleyes::awe::gfi::hf::iagree::sw::sh::wyla ::welcom::danceman: