This is not a poll

[JoAnne Wheeler]

This is not a poll - BUT - how many of you girls fall into these catagories:

A) your Spouse or SO does not know about your crossdressing

B) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing, but absolutely

hate it and either want no part of it or don't want to see you

dressed

C) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing, but will not

let you dress at home and you have to go to a motel or hotel or

somewhere else to dress

D) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing and sort of

tolerate it and allow you to be dressed in front of them

E) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing and help you

to dress and offer encouragement

F) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing, completely

tolerate it, are helpful and encouraging, and allow or want you

to go out with them while you are enfemme either shopping or

traveling or partying

If you can think of any other catagorys, please advise - I think this would

help a lot of young CDers.

JoAnne Wheeler

[kym]

I'll take F for 1000 alex.....er um joanne.:D:heehee:

[sara_also]

Give me an "F" also...A CD with a wonderful wife..

[Jaydee]

I'll take an "A". Please have it sent to my closet.

In my case she may not know, but I have cracked the closet door and stuck out a pantyhosed toe. I have been taking baby steps, toward coming out. So far so good, but I am not pressing my luck too hard.

Jaydee

[Brenda's Friend]

B - Years ago we had the discussion. The result was that I would never do it again. Two years ago I restarted in a big way. At this time, she does not know I have restarted. This is so hard. I so love to dress, but I love my wife so, so much. I guess I could stop if I had to will to. How long can I go in secret? I guess I am flirting with fire.

BF

[Berta82]

I fall under A. I am not sure what she would do if I opened up the closet. She did catch me once wearing black tights and clogs and never said anything. I have a feeling she may know but is not saying anything.

[Holly]

...how many of you girls fall into these catagories...I fall into at least one of those catagories.:battingeyelashes:

[Marie O]

This could be the first time I was happy to get an "F". :)

[Karren H]

Z - I think you should be infracted and expelled for just mentioning the word "poll". Lol

[trisha59]

D+ Wife knows but I choose to keep it a one person activity

[Jess_cd32]

B) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing, but absolutely hate it and either want no part of it or don't want to see you dressed

Thats my situation right now.


C) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing, but will not let you dress at home and you have to go to a motel or hotel or somewhere else to dress

The word "let you" or "allow" isn't in our vocabulary here, we're two strong personalities that respect eachothers individuality, that doesn't mean though she has to be accepting of something she doesn't like. I dress here at home and just try to keep it out of her face though, sometimes its not easy. If I'm comming down to get coffee or something while dressed I'll let her know, then escape the rath ASAP when my coffee's done:doh:

[Christie ann]

I'll add my vote in the non-poll to the B category. The talks have not mattered to her one bit. She has said she doesn't want me looking like a girl.

[sandra-leigh]

None of the above. My spouse knows, has seen me dressed, and is ambivalent about it. e.g., some days she will be telling me that I really should get some of <some particular> cosmetic, and other days she puts on a sour face if I put on a "stealth" top that she has gone out with me wearing before and had no apparent problems then. Some days she can be offering me a ride to my monthly social meeting, and then five minutes later I'm in the dog-house as "the absentee husband". This pair of garnet studs, "too big" (which, incidentally, makes them look less femme and more appropriate for a male); this other pair of thin butterfly-shaped silver earrings, clearly not "male": "Oh, so cute!!!", helped me put them on in public (in a coffee shop), made sure her mother could see how cute they looked...

She complains that I don't give her enough notice about my events (even when I gave a fair bit of notice)... so the other day I pressed her on the issue of how much notice she wanted. After some discussion, the answer to the question of appropriate notice turned out to be that what she really wanted was more help in cleaning up the kitchen after supper.

So... when one hears a message of opposition to cross-dressing, sometimes it might be a different message entirely, possibly not about the dressing itself but rather "you are enjoying yourself but I'm feeling overworked".

Sometimes a "I don't like that top" is a "I'm not too happy about you crossdressing" and sometimes it is just "I don't think that particular top looks good on you, I like some of your other tops much better". And even then sometimes the "flaw" in the appearance of the top is that it is more "womanly" than she is comfortable with me being... and sometimes it's just that it clashes with your skin colour, and sometimes it's just a fashion she happens to not like...

So... your non-poll needs an entry for mixed messages, for apparent Ambivalence and Irrationality.

[DonnaT]

D ½

your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing and sort of
tolerates it, allows you to be dressed in front of them and lets you go out occasionally

D ¾

your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing and sort of
tolerates it, allows you to be dressed in front of them, lets you go out occasionally and sometimes goes with

[Ralph]

A solid D... she has never said anything negative, but neither has she ever said, done, or bought anything to encourage me either. {shrug} considering how much worse it could be, I can live with that.

ralph

[Debie]

I fall under A. If ny wife whom I love very much, found out she would blow up the closet with me in it, so be sure an send my A straight to the closet.

[kristinacd55]

D+, tolerates but doesn't want to see me dressed enfemme

[JeanneF]

I fall somewhere between E and F. My wife is completely supporting, but there is the occasional meltdown. But I look at it this way: I've had almost 30 years to come to terms with this aspect of my life, and the first 15 or so were pretty rough for me. She's been getting used to it for only two years (I told very early in our relationship). Needless to say, I can deal with the occasional freakout.

[Kate Lynn]

Give me a D

[susan2010]

Wife went from occassional experiment with E (lingerie), to now a B. Hates it. It's "evil".

[jennCD]

I'll have to go with:

B) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing, but absolutely hate it and either want no part of it or don't want to see you dressed

[Thalia]

My SO is a definite D. I can't hope for more but she has displayed understanding and tolerance after I came out to her. We were married for over 15 years before I told her so she had to go through a period of adjustment.
I've been giving my answer some thought and think I should edit it some. No one addresses the "WHY". Why does my spouse tolerate my cross dressing. I know she loves me but I think a major reason, perhaps the most important one to her is that if she didn't, there would be terrific upheaval within our family. If we split, the cause would probably come out and my children, grandchildren, friends and colleagues would all look upon me differently. I'd like to think she is accepting because she just loves me so much but I know it's so much more than that. I realize she views me quite differently now....not sure exactly about my sexuality and how that affects her. No matter how much I reinforce my heterosexuality, I know deep down she has some doubts and thinks I'm keeping more secrets (since I took so many years to 'come out' to her.

[Ricochet]

I'll take a B.

My wife knows (would prefer not to) and does not like it or support it in any way.

[VERONICARH]

Give me an A.

[Lorileah]

it was E. I was told there would be refreshments here

[dee4127]

F here

[deborah84]

Sometimes it's a D, sometimes its an E. Depends on what sort of mood my SO is in...

So I'd have to go for DD!

[Teddie]

I'm an "F" with a wife that I'd rate A+++

[bobi jean]

B and C(at work)
I love my wife almost as much as she loves me but I sure wish she would let me dress at home.
and work.
and while shopping.
that would cover all but about 8 hours a day. That would be really great since I get about 7 1/2 hours of sleep a day..

[Kelli Michelle]

I would be a B and a C. My wife hates it, but "puts up with it". She doesn't want me to dress at home or around her and the children. She doesn't want to know where I go or what I do, though I do nothing but visit with friends, usually at a club or at someone's house. No hanky-panky, still loyal after all these years.

[Crissy Kay]

Make it a D for me!!!

[jordyn.wayne]

D- She Knows, tolerates it but doesn't want to see it.

[Navywife]

HI ladies a GG here to answer your poll for you.. I'm a E. I've know only for 2 months now and I am working on getting to a F but it is taking some time for me..I know that my SO has known this for at least 30 years and I'm just catching up.. I have also had my D moments as well... I hope that all of you that have told your SO about this and really love her... keep trying I know as for me I will... (I hope they will too)!:hugs::2c:

[Ronni Seymour]

I'm between an E and F.

[SusanMarie]

This is me not responding to the questions that are not a poll...

F

:D

[Sigrid Cutie]

i would have to go with D, but i can dress in certain outfits, not too too feminine.

[suchacutie]

LOL...maybe that means WE are in the closet!!! Hmm, now that's not so bad, is it?

It's always a balancing act, and while we are anywhere near home we need to be careful. There are always consequences.

Having said that, when we are away we have been out shopping for Tina together and some SAs are quite aware that we aren't shopping for her. I had a pleasant time with an SA in Payless as I tried on heels in drab.

There is so much I'd like to do and learn before trying anything "out and about" so that will be a while, regardless, and maybe never. I really want to be with my wife, so going out en femme really is not a massive draw.

maybe someday if the planets align!

tina

[TSchapes]

B) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing, but absolutely hate it and either want no part of it or don't want to see you dressed

All the above except the hate it part. She's not angry about it, just doesn't understand it. And she doesn't see any advantage in working on understanding it. She's quite pragmatic about it.

-Tracy

[Jenniferpl]

E for me. She buys my makeup and we have gone shopping for some underwear. I can wear almost anything to bed of my choosing.

[linnea]

None of the above. My spouse knows, has seen me dressed, and is ambivalent about it. e.g., some days she will be telling me that I really should get some of <some particular> cosmetic, and other days she puts on a sour face if I put on a "stealth" top that she has gone out with me wearing before and had no apparent problems then. Some days she can be offering me a ride to my monthly social meeting, and then five minutes later I'm in the dog-house as "the absentee husband". This pair of garnet studs, "too big" (which, incidentally, makes them look less femme and more appropriate for a male); this other pair of thin butterfly-shaped silver earrings, clearly not "male": "Oh, so cute!!!", helped me put them on in public (in a coffee shop), made sure her mother could see how cute they looked...

She complains that I don't give her enough notice about my events (even when I gave a fair bit of notice)... so the other day I pressed her on the issue of how much notice she wanted. After some discussion, the answer to the question of appropriate notice turned out to be that what she really wanted was more help in cleaning up the kitchen after supper.

So... when one hears a message of opposition to cross-dressing, sometimes it might be a different message entirely, possibly not about the dressing itself but rather "you are enjoying yourself but I'm feeling overworked".

Sometimes a "I don't like that top" is a "I'm not too happy about you crossdressing" and sometimes it is just "I don't think that particular top looks good on you, I like some of your other tops much better". And even then sometimes the "flaw" in the appearance of the top is that it is more "womanly" than she is comfortable with me being... and sometimes it's just that it clashes with your skin colour, and sometimes it's just a fashion she happens to not like...

So... your non-poll needs an entry for mixed messages, for apparent Ambivalence and Irrationality.

I'm just guessing about the above, but I think that it probably describes a lot of SOs who know.
However, I'm an A though I would like to change that.

[Shayna2008]

E 98% of the time. F 2% of the time. I rarely go out with her en femme, this may change in the future though...:daydreaming:

[txrobinm]

B, like TSchapes- she doesn't "hate" it in and of itself, just is afraid of what could happen (loss of job, mostly, which is a real and valid concern for my profession and location). It freaked her out when some stubborn eyeliner put her unwillingly in the D category (she had to give me tips on getting it all the way gone).

[Shannon]

"F" -- totally and completely.

[MssHyde]

a "B" for now :daydreaming:

[DawnRodgers]

Mostly a B with occassional bounce down to a D.

[sandra-leigh]

None of the above. My spouse knows, has seen me dressed, and is ambivalent about it.

I wrote that earlier today, and later in the day we had some joint therapy, in which the therapist happened to follow up on the issue of what my wife thinks about my cross-dressing. The summary of which is that she is... drum roll.... ambivalent about it! Well, it's at least nice to know that I can still recognize "mixed messages" :straightface:

But an interesting bit was that my wife, in saying that she would be uncomfortable in going out with me dressed (other than to a place where cross-dressing was expected), had forgotten that we had, at least four times, gone out together while I was wearing a skirt and was otherwise in guy mode. The therapist pointed out that that suggests that, in practice, it really isn't a big deal to my wife. (Ah, and there were the times I wore a skirt around the house that she'd forgotten about too...)

So... my wife's conception of her dislike of my cross-dressing is different (and stricter) than the practice -- and not just in a "grit my teeth and let him get away with it this time" sense. So the stage is set for a good talk about setting comfort boundaries, in which I believe I'll be able to negotiate some "let's try going out together with me dressed and see how it goes" experiment times.

[Mistybtm]

I fall into the E cat. SO. she knows and does not mind at all she saids what ever i am confortable doing. what she does not know is that i am bi.:o

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

F, although she doesn't go out with me all that often since our son was born. He's 5 now... We don't have a babysitter, so going out means that he goes with us.

On the upside, she makes me jewelry and clothes and we share some.

[unwritten2108]

Not to be the odd girl out, but I think I fall somewhere between C and D.

My g/f knows, but she is trying to understand it more since I'm technically the first CD she knows. She's talked about going out with me en femme, but I think she's a bit nervous to actually see me dressed. But she wants to learn more about why I do it and everything and that's the most I can ask from her.

[Hope]

It's not my first, but it is the best "F."

[rachelgirlnw]

A for now, but I hope to join one of the other letter clubs this year. :battingeyelashes:

[Yvonne York]

Thankfully an F. Shops with me, for me, and encourages me

[Mary Jane]

I fall into this category:

B) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing, but absolutely

hate it and either want no part of it or don't want to see you

dressed

[laura.lapinski]

She doesn't know, wouldn't support it, and in fact would freak out. She doesn't like any kind of change, in fact oftentimes even if her best interest are served by a change she can be against it. No hope it that.

whaa whaa :)


This is not a poll - BUT - how many of you girls fall into these catagories:

A) your Spouse or SO does not know about your crossdressing

B) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing, but absolutely

hate it and either want no part of it or don't want to see you

dressed

C) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing, but will not

let you dress at home and you have to go to a motel or hotel or

somewhere else to dress

D) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing and sort of

tolerate it and allow you to be dressed in front of them

E) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing and help you

to dress and offer encouragement

F) your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing, completely

tolerate it, are helpful and encouraging, and allow or want you

to go out with them while you are enfemme either shopping or

traveling or partying

If you can think of any other catagorys, please advise - I think this would

help a lot of young CDers.

JoAnne Wheeler

[anonymousinmaryland]

For once in my life I've earned an E. It has taken twenty years, so I HAVE earned it. AIM.

[Angel.Marie76]

Although I have to relate to Tess-Leigh, just one of those things that's all timing related. Whether its chores, exhaustion, or just 'a bad day' for her, sometimes she just seems to look at me with a longing that she wishes her man was there instead of Angel.

Though it does seem like there's just a little balance game to be played when it comes to be being out of the house for socials or what have you. Almost like she just sees me to be this totally unknown person when I go out with the gurls. We just take it one day at a time, and rides the waves.

Other times we're in the stores and she's helping me pick out shoes, makeup, clothing, you name it.. *shrug* Go figure. ;-)


She complains that I don't give her enough notice about my events (even when I gave a fair bit of notice)... so the other day I pressed her on the issue of how much notice she wanted. After some discussion, the answer to the question of appropriate notice turned out to be that what she really wanted was more help in cleaning up the kitchen after supper.

So... when one hears a message of opposition to cross-dressing, sometimes it might be a different message entirely, possibly not about the dressing itself but rather "you are enjoying yourself but I'm feeling overworked".


So... your non-poll needs an entry for mixed messages, for apparent Ambivalence and Irrationality.

[Shadeauxmarie]

I'm between A and B. She knows I have crossdressed. She found the stash. She thought I was having an affair. She threatened divorce if she ever caught me again. I continue to crossdress without her knowledge.

[jennylogan]

Very solid E here with an occasional foray into F. On those rare occasions when we venture out together it is well away from home town and we've always had a great time. Once this economy gets stimulated we will do this more often but for the foreseeable future I can dress as I want around the house but am staying inside.

[Leanne2]

Make it a G: don't ask, don't tell, doesn't like it. Leanne

[Katrina red nails]

Its a B for me.

[NikkiBeth]

I'll take B :sad: for $2000,

[Joanne Curl]

Unfortunately it's "A" for me.:sad:

[JenniferAnn]

Am very lucky to have a understanding wife. Who allows me to dress in front of her and usually expects it. Someone who buys me lingerie and panties. She doesn't want me to dress out of the house (except in the back yard and at the Halloween party in Hollywood), but I can live with that. It doesn't bother her when am wearing bra and panties under my clothes when we go out. The reason I can live without the joy of venturing out is my fear of going out. So I guess you ca give me an E.

[Sharon B.]

When I was dating a certain woman it was the letter "B".
Now that I don't or hardy date anymore I'm free to do as I wish.

[kaitlin]

I am proud to say I am a solid "F" She loves it and wants me dressed all the time!

[TGMarla]

I'm somewhere between B and C.....closer to B.

[JuAnn]

I am between B and C. My SO knows I cd and travels often. She knows when she is gone the other woman in the house is in charge. She is aware that I shave my legs, chest etc but does not comment. She has asked me to be discreet and to keep it from our sons. Surprisingly, she asks my opinion when shopping for bras, panties, jewellry etc.
She is my rock.
JuAnn

[Tora]

D- Nightgowns, panties, a slip, she keeps for me in her dresser, for sleeping almost every night, not when guests are present,understandable. Yet likes me to keep the man hair thing and ultra cautious due to employment fears and a close family. Sure glad this in not a poll. :) I have a mega stash in a storage locker. For the few times a year.

[Tasha McIntyre]

It's a D for me. Hoping to progress to E ASAP :daydreaming:

Cheers

Tash :)

[CD Susan]

None of the above here. I was in the B catagory for over 20 years and it almost destroyed me. I am quite content to be single and unattached.

[2yuki]

Count me under the A , if my wife found out I think she would be shocked at first and then go ballistic.

[Linda Laman]

Give me an E and a bit. My SO is totally supportive except she does not like me going out dressed and definitely does not want to be seen with me in public. Next Saturday we are going to another crossdresser's house for dinner, and she has agreed to accompany me in the car, which is a small step forward I guess. In any case, I am very grateful for the support she does give me, especially as I can dress at home most of the time.

[Melanie R]

My wife is a F+ who loves her husband no matter what he(she) is wearing. She literally wrote the book(s) on crossdressing from the perspective of a wife.

[Stockingstopgirl]

A think possible G- knows about it says nothing

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

We are a D,E and F all at various times. We've been through all the alphabet, no woman is "all or nothing" if she really loves you and wants you to be happy. I give and take with my SO, she would say it's mostly "take" and she would be right. We go out as girlfriends, shopping and shows and stuff but some times it must be just husband and wife time.

[Stephanie-L]

I am at an A or B, she knows I have crossdressed, and suspects I still want to, but she would go ballistic if she found out I still am, more than ever in fact. It is my opinion that if I were to tell her that I am an active CD and want to come a bit more out of the closet she would go to the phone book and start looking up divorce lawyers. I keep hoping but so far no change.....Stephanie

[Cassiecd]

Hmmm

I am glad to see so many E - F grades!!

I am between a C and D: wife tolerates, does not want to participate, lets me dress at home when she is away. otherwise, is supportive!

[PanteeQueen]

I have to say that I'm between C and D.:sad:

[SallyGirl]

It's E for me

[Ballerina]

E/F. Haven't dressed in front of her (no clothing, and living with parents still). But, she's been saying that she would love to go out girlie shopping with me lately, and that she wouldn't mind at all seeing me dressed, and would even help me.