Can we ever show the truth?

[tricia_uktv]

Dead hard and philosophical this one but here goes and I'm sorry.

I work and bring up children as a man during the week.
At the weekend I'm Tricia; out, open and honest.

So during the week I'm lying because inside I'm really Tricia.
At the weekend I'm lying because I'm not a girl.

So I can't win! Any thoughts?

[Lisa Golightly]

Depends what being Tricia means to you... and what being a man means to you...

My personal scales were firmly in my favour...

[Kate Simmons]

You are a person of deep feelings my friend and take your obligations seriously. Simple as that really.:hugs:

[JulieC]

I try not to live the dichotomy. I don't like the idea of there being a separate personality that encapsulates the 'me' that enjoys wearing women's clothes. I don't ascribe a separate personality that loves (a certain hobby I have), I don't ascribe a separate personality that enjoys food, enjoys wine, enjoys long hikes in pathless woods, etc. These are all aspects of me.

During the week, I don't hike, I don't drink wine much if at all, I don't dabble in the previously mentioned hobby, etc. I'm not lying to myself in not doing those things. I'm just prioritizing when I have time to spend on certain things.

I'm not living a lie wearing a dress anymore than I am living a lie wearing a suit and tie. I do both often enough, and they're just aspects of me.

All of me. Not just part of me. All of me.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

...So during the week I'm lying because inside I'm really Tricia.
At the weekend I'm lying because I'm not a girl.

So I can't win! Any thoughts?

During the week you present yourself as society expects - your man-self.

On the weekend, you present yourself as you truly feel - your feminine self.

We all have to lie to make it in the world. We all wear our costumes for the rest of society to see. For most of us, this is just part of survival. We sometimes need to lie to survive.

When we take off our costumes (male garb) and femme up, this is not a lie because this is how we feel and who we are. We call ourselves women, girls, etc., because that is the label society puts on the feminine side of things. We know we're men. It just helps us get in touch with our feminine side to use these feminine labels along with our feminized selves. Is that really a lie? I mean, are you trying to mislead or fool people? Maybe in public trying to pass we have to fool people so as not to get harassed and reduce the potential for harm toward us. But I don't see it as lying. The lie is when we present ourselves in a way that is not consistent with who we are.

Although most of society would say that we're wearing a "costume" when we're en femme, I would say that they have it backwards. I feel much more like me en femme than I do in my man clothes. I live the lie during the work week and the truth on the weekend. That's how I see it. That's how I feel about it. That's who I am (the real me) vs. what society would have me be (the lie).

[Carin]

I work and bring up children as a man during the week.
At the weekend I'm Tricia; out, open and honest.

So during the week I'm lying because inside I'm really Tricia.
At the weekend I'm lying because I'm not a girl.

So I can't win! Any thoughts?

Me thinkest thou judgest thyself too harshly!

However, you tripped over yourself, possibly by thinking too hard.
a) At the weekend I'm Tricia; out, open and honest.
b) At the weekend I'm lying because I'm not a girl.
This is contradictory - yes, that is you point, but the contradiction invalidates one or other statement.
Statement a) is your Self. Statement b) is not. You don't have to be a girl to be Tricia. You only have to be your Self. Statement a) is your truth.

As for the other statements. Substiture the word "Parent" for "Man" if you like. It doesn't matter a whole lot what your gender is in that role. Being a girl inside does not negate you being a father to your children. That is just a gender variance. (See The Gender Variance Model (http://intraa.tgcrossroads.org/connections/story/?iid=32&aid=812))

:2c:

[suchacutie]

To me, I'n never lying. When I'm him...that's who I am. When I'm Tina...I'm all the Tina I can be. I do keep one life from the other with only my wife passing between those lives.

Works for me! :)

tina

[gennee]

Crossdressing is a part of my life. It's just one of the many aspects of my life. I am a husband, father, veteran, volunteer, transgender, Christian, and crossdresser. I love who I am.

Gennee

:)

[brittneygirlsa]

You are a creation of God.

Therefore, what you are concerning yourself with has nothing to do with who or what you are - you just are.

This conflict you have in your head could be moral or based in other concerns involving human acceptance, but it has nothing to do at all with who you are.

In short, you are everything that you are and that is all you have to ever be.

[gretchen2]

Lots of people separate their personal life from their work life. It is not lying, Trish rocks everyday but she can only come out to play on the weekend.

[kym]

i understand where the op is coming from. When i'm in drab i don't feel like my self, but when i get to dress like i want to it feels natural,normal, and sets me more at ease. while i don't feel like i'm living a "lie", i don't really fee like i should when in male attire.

[tricia_uktv]

Thanks girls. I try not to take myself too seriously but sometimes think the wierdest things. Anyway, only one more day and Tricia is free again. YAY! Now, what to wear tonight?

[emmicd]

to me family comes first. i know i live a cd life yet not willing to share it as it is my secret. i am a family man, a working man, a loving husband and father and a girl on occasion. to me it's a bit confusing but i have reconciled it from within.

emmi

[Hope]

Ok - but really, isn't it time we redefine what it means to be a man? Personally I think every man needs to define that for himself, and I am relatively certain that having a penis is insufficient qualifications for manhood. There is a reason why most cultures have a right of passage that requires one to prove oneself worthy to be an adult male member of the community... it isn't about age and genitalia - it is about competence and responsibility.

I know that since I gave up on the absurd societally dictated definition of manhood... I have been a much happier guy, and girl for that matter.

Personally, I tend to see manhood as more about sacrifice for the benefit of others, dedication to something bigger than myself, integrity, education, and striving for excellence then it is about watching NASCAR, drinking crummy beer and farting. Of course, that excludes a big portion of the male population from "manhood" in my eyes... but I am OK with that. I am sure they would exclude me from their definitions.

It sounds to me like I would likely include you in my definition of manhood... not that my definition should mean squat to you.

It seems like a bit of a strange question to have to ask here... but what does it mean to really be a girl? Is it a vagina? Is it a chromosome? Well if it is, then - no, you are not a "real" girl. But I tend to think that being a girl is about more than body parts - just like being a man is about more than body parts.

Whether or not you are lying in either case... well... that is up to you and your definition.

[MssHyde]

When I have free time on my hands (where I don't have to think) I find myself feeling like you.

Most of the time working I step out of my comfort zone and take on the tough jobs at the shop. CNC repair. (this keep my mind diverted away from thinking about being a woman.

I was like the other 650,000 Americans laid off in Feb. I lost my job two weeks ago. I never seen it coming.

Now that I have free time on my hands and mind. this is tearing me up.

I think and about crossdressing or being a woman all the time.

drinking a beer :drink: don't help either.

maybe a hormone pill would help (some every day)
I'm being fictitious, about the pill.

I know it's tough. A house divided will fall.

good luck

[Sara Jessica]

Tricia, you are totally talking about balance.

If this whole thing is a "hobby" as suggested before, then it's something that should simply be put away when other life responsibilities are in the forefront. That's what a hobby is, something to be done for enjoyment in one's free time. If someone's hobby is fishing, it is unlikely that you can partake in this activity constantly. You must work and take care of other obligations and if you're lucky, you can spend quality time fishing when those other things are taken care of. Sure you can dwell a bit on fishing (or dressing), even to wish you were fishing when you are unable to do so, but at the end of the day it's a hobby...something to look forward to.

But what you are describing sounds more like being to me which is the same boat I'm in. Sure, I have difficult moments during non-girl time where I feel frustration because I'm unable to present in a way which matches up to my being. Yet I also know that to move forward on the path I'm on (maintaining responsibility to my wonderful family), I must do so to the best of my ability. It certainly isn't lying and I believe thinking of balance in that way would only add to the frustration.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Of course we can became a GG - but that does not mean that we can't

express our Feminiity through Crossdressing. Just accept the TRUTH - be

who and what we are - that is ALL we can ever do - even going to the

extreme of having SRS will not turn a single one of us into a GG. Try

your best to accept that and be happy that you have the opportunity to

express both your male side and your feminine side.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Shannon]

Old Buddhist or Taoist teaching goes something along these lines:

"Last night I dreamt I was a butterfly. When I awoke this morning, I wondered if I was a butterfly dreaming I was a human."

I don't think its about lying or not. I agree that it is somewhat about meeting social expectations (and the expectations society has put in your head). Obviously, being a CD is a challenge and presents many obstacles in our lives. If we can find healthy ways to deal with these challenges and obstacles, I think we experience a lot of personal growth.