Acceptance or Not?

[jackie_p]

I just told my wife about Jackie about 4 weeks ago. Initially she took it very hard with all the usual questions, "Are you gay?", "Do you want to transition?", etc. I try and reassure her every day, and she has gotten better about those issues. Of course the couples therapy that we have been going to has helped as well.

What I'm wondering about is her attitude to see me dressed. She has said that she will give me some time to indulge my "hobby" but she doesn't ever want to see it. I respect that and have told her that I would be more than willing to accept that compromise.

However, she has purchased some items for me, panties, a babydoll nightie, and a chemise. She put the panties on me a few nights ago and we had an outstanding night of sex. So my confusion is, is she accepting, or not? I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, and I'm more than willing to spice up our love life. But I don't want her to think that I'm willing or able to stop dressing otherwise.

Opinions?

Hugs
Jackie

[TSchapes]

and don't assume anything. There was a time when my SO actually bought me articles of clothing, but now does not want to see me dressed. Then the next time I found out she found my pictures of Tracy in my wallet. And didn't say anything about it.

With my wife over the past almost 20 years has gone back and forth between somewhat accepting and totally repulsed.

So just be careful and don't push it. :2c:

Love, Tracy

P.S. Good for you in telling her, I wish all T-girls would tell their SO.

[insearchofme]

Just follow her lead and go with the flow.

[AllieSF]

Hi Jackie,

I can not speak from experience with with a wife or SO who knows about me. However, from everything I have read and from several one-on-one conversations with other gilrs in your situation, I recommend patience. This is very new and very big information from and regarding the man she loves and married. I think that you may see some supporting signs and then nothing or even negative signs as you both go down this road of learning and mutual acceptance. Her long term reactions will also depend greatly on how you act with your new found honesty and freedom. If you push the envelope, she may react negatively. I would say that carrying on life as before like when you were in the closet and she didn't lknow would be the best course of action. Let her initiate the accepting and coming out process until you can get to a point where you can openly and freely discuss the topic, even joke about it, without you worrying how she may react later when she mentally reviews everything. From what I know, she could be cool one day, hot the next and unbearable on another day, or even in the same day. Good luck.

[gennee]

Jackie, our stories are similar somewhat. My wife asked if I was gay or if I wanted to transition. She was shocked :eek: when I told her I wear women's clothing. In time she has accepted this as part of my life. She purchased panties, sweaters, and skirts for me. We share blouses, skirts, sweaters and dresses. She won't go with me when I'm dressed. She's accepting up to a point.

Go with what you're presented with and take it from there. I've had opportunties to share more with my wife when she inquired and I'm happy to share it with her.

Gennee

:)

[Di]

Just let her do what she feels is comfortable to her....by her buying things she is acknowledging your girl side and showing she loves you and that is what she is comfortable with.......she might or might not want to see you in the future.....she will tell you if she does.:hugs: Please let her go at her own pace.:hugs:.

[Ralph]

Here's a crazy idea... ask! You already took care of the hard part -- telling her -- so if she's sending mixed signals ("I don't want to see you dressed", and then buying you stuff) why not just say "Is this something you would like to see me in? I haven't forgotten that you said you do not want to see me dressed, and I will honor that as long as you wish."

ralph

[Carin]

I just told my wife about Jackie about 4 weeks ago. Initially ....

Patience girl patience. 4 weeks is a drop in the ocean.

Let her know that you are there to talk about it, but don't force her to talk about it. Don't go pink fog on her. This is where you show her that everything else in your lives and relationship is very important to you too.
You have had years, she has had 4 weeks. She has a lot to figure out and it takes time, and time, and time. Did I say time. She may feel her way along through many many months to get to some sort of comfort lever, and even then it will likely fluctuate.

"is she accepting, or not". She is at the door and trying to figure it out for herself. The answer may very well depend on what she sees when she looks through that door. Will she sees you consumed with it all, or will she see her partner caring about her, caring about all the other stuff life dishes out, etc. Will crossdressing fit into the fremework or your relationship? or will you be trying to put your relationship into the framework of crossdressing?

This is like a job interview or a new relationship. Work at being mindful and putting your best foot forward - as a responsible adult.


:2c:

[Jenniferpl]

Go with the flow but slowly.

[Hope]

Yeah... You have had a life time to experiment, to figure out what this all means, to try to understand yourself, and how you relate to the world with this. Your wife has had 4 weeks.

It sounds like she is doing some testing of her own, and that it might well work out for you. Good for you, but I wouldn't count those chickens yet.

Give her some time, give her opportunities to explore, and encourage her to ask you whatever she wants to ask you - no matter how crazy sounding, insulting, or ignorant. Even if she asks the same thing 100 times. Be the good guy. You owe her that, and if you give it to her, it will only benefit you in the long run.

[Sandra]

Here's a crazy idea... ask! You already took care of the hard part -- telling her -- so if she's sending mixed signals ("I don't want to see you dressed", and then buying you stuff) why not just say "Is this something you would like to see me in? I haven't forgotten that you said you do not want to see me dressed, and I will honor that as long as you wish."

ralph


I think this is a good idea, after all if you don't ask then you're not going to know.

Sit down and have a talk with her, reassure her that if she still doesn't want to see you dressed, you'll go along with that.

You never know she may just be waiting for you to say something, just don't push her.

[Sheila]

Jackie,

:hugs: for telling your wife, I can imagine how scared you were.

As others have said, please go slowly & for the moment at her pace alone, while she takes the time to digest what she now knows ........ sometimes we as GG's push ourselves out of our own comfort zone becuse of our love for our partners, ( I did way back when I first discovered my Ex was a cdr) and it can (although not always) have a negative impact on our acceptance later :sad:

Take time, as well to let her know you love her and appreciate her, and not becuase she knows and has not thrown your relationship out the window, but rather because she is the most important person in your life
:hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

That really depends on the two of you. If you have a good relationship, none of the above should matter. However, I will point out that the sincerity of your intentions will be the key.

[Sarah_GG]

Congratulations on telling your wife. :)

Although I've been accepting all along, I have had periods when I was less than 100% embracing of my SOs CDing. What's helped me enormously - through the pendulum times - was being able to address stuff on this forum.

Ten months on, the CDing has found it's level in our relationship and we couldn't be happier. Truth and trust (imho) can only increase the intimacy and closeness that you already have. I echo what others have said - go at her pace and keep the dialogue open.

:love:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Don't assume - GG attitudes change on a moments notice without warning -

go very slow - take baby steps - let her adapt to where she is comfortable

don't you push things - honor her compromise until wants to change it


JoAnne Wheeler

[JulieC]

Yeah... You have had a life time to experiment, to figure out what this all means, to try to understand yourself, and how you relate to the world with this. Your wife has had 4 weeks.

It sounds like she is doing some testing of her own, and that it might well work out for you. Good for you, but I wouldn't count those chickens yet.

Give her some time, give her opportunities to explore, and encourage her to ask you whatever she wants to ask you - no matter how crazy sounding, insulting, or ignorant. Even if she asks the same thing 100 times. Be the good guy. You owe her that, and if you give it to her, it will only benefit you in the long run.

Re-read the above a few hundred times if if takes that long to sink in :) Hope is spot on.

Your wife might be giving you mixed signals, but asking her to clarify her position isn't going to help. SHE most likely doesn't know what her position is. Asking her will just up the pressure on her, and possibly make her feel like she's being forced into something. She's your partner. Keep that in mind.

My wife is now very accepting and supportive. She was supportive in the beginning, but there's been bumps in the road and it's taken years for her to get to a point where she clearly understands her own position, and is emphatic about it.

Time.

[Carly D.]

Could it be she has a desire or fantasy(however buried deep in the back of her mind) to be with another woman and this is a way for her to live it.. just a thought..

[Lorileah]

It looks like she is trying hard to accept you and I applaud her for that. My wife always bought me clothing.

Maybe it's just me but I am more concerned she was going through your wallet. I would never violate my wife's privacy by going through her purse and she respected me in the same manner. I guess some things should still remain personal and private.

[beenherelongtime]

every post here tells you to go slow. i can only echo those feelings. go slow and let her lead the way, no one knows what was in her mind when she let you wear the panties. it might be her way of easing into your world in the easiest way. you know you're making strides when you get to the bra. this might be the time to open a dialogue.

[Jess_cd32]

........ I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth.........

OMG I haven't heard that phrase since my late grandpa tried to give me one of his old sweaters from the 1950's and I politely refused it:brolleyes:

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" my gramps said:doh:

On to your situation, it sounds like your SO is becomming more comfortable with your cd'ing to a degree and like everyone said, don't push it. It takes time for them to take all this in but I'd definatly take that as a good sign:)

[Sigrid Cutie]

well in my own experience, my wife accept the fact that i crossdess, but as well she does not want to see it, and like you, she does accept to see me wearing panties, she has no problem with that, i think it has to see with the fact that no one else would see me wearing panties out in the street, so i respect that fact, she also don't mind me wearing women cloths like pants or shirts as long as they hace some kind of an androgynous look, like jeans cargo pants etc.

so don't push it, your wife will let you know what stuff she is able to acept, remember women are very sutile you just need to read the signals :)

hope this helps.

Sigrid..