My experience...

[JennyS.]

My time out was all around fun, but a few things happened that made me feel uncomfortable. It will be a while before I go out by myself.
Like Foxy I decided to go to a gay bar thinking it was probably safer there for my first time out in my city. I was bumbed out because several men thought I was a prostitute. As I was sitting in my car gaining the courage to go in, men would drive up and begin asking me questions, I didn't like that at all. Maybe I took it wrong, I don't know. But, I was dressed up very sophisticated in a floral skirt just above the knees with a blouse covered by a nice feminine coat. I didn't think I would pass at all, but I thought I looked kinda nice.
Once I found the courage to go inside and have a drink a young man was standing next to me as I was enjoying the time of being free. He started hitting on me and touching my waste. He eventually put his hand around my buttocks and felt my panties and started rubbing. Soon as I felt that I told him that I was unconfortable with the touching and asked him to stop. He did, and gave me a kiss on the cheek then left. I got very nervous and went to a different location in the club where another man hit on me and kept asking me personal questions. After a few minutes I left him standing there and went and sat at the bar. He followed, I asked him to leave me alone and he eventually did, which I was very thankful for.
I decided to leave. I went out to the parking lot and another man approached me and asked me what I would do for $20. I was devistated and told him that I wasn't a hooker and that he could put his money away. He left me alone and I went home.
A couple of things struck me. Wow. What women go through, being hit on all the time. All I wanted to do was blend in and keep to myself. If I didn't talk to anyone all night I woulda been happy. The other thing is just because I was dressed as a woman in that area many men thought I was a prostitute. That really bothered me. Maybe I need to work on my makeup or something. Oh, I yeah... Don't go into that area again, too.
But, There is no way I'm going out by myself again... At least until I know I am going to be safe.
Has any of you expreinced situations like this?

[docrobbysherry]

Don't know, Jenny. But, I'm SURE it wasn't the SHORT SKIRT!:heehee:

[dilane]

I don't know how you were dressed, but if you dress like a ****ty tranny (and many do, I'm not in that world), and are attractive, you will be taken for the same.

The t-girl prostitutes in the LA area wear very short skirts, high heels, long hair, uber-makeup. Many of the T-girls who go to T-clubs in the LA area dress the same way, for sexual titillation, and they *want* the kind of attention you received.

Regardless of how you dress, it takes a while to get comfortable in handling men. I used to get freaked out when I got attention, too.

Maybe you should make some friends, and go out together, until you get the lay of the land.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Stay OUT of the gay bars


JoAnne Wheeler

[Nicole Erin]

Some men will try to hit on anything that looks feminine.
I have had some creepy experiences with guys at the bars and especially gay bars.
There are a lot of creepy men out there

[joann07]

I've been to gay bars in my local area and I've always been treated with respect, but rarely do I get hit on or groped. Although, recently, a guy tried real hard to get me to stay for a drink, after I was leaving a club, but I was kind to him and said no thank you.

As what dilane said, we have no idea how you were dressed, but if you were dressed in something that otherwise typical GGs wouldn't normally wear, then you're going stand out and get the type of attention that you wouldn't expect.

As I've been to various GLBT bars/clubs, I've seen various Tgirls wearing the short short skirts, high stilleto heals, revealing tops with oversized boobs, leather and lace, etc, etc, and they just look like freakshows. If they dress like that, then they'll be treated like a freakshow.
For me, that's not how I want to present myself when I go out and so I make sure I wear clubbing outfits that are a classy, fashionable, and trendy which easily help me to blend in.

Hugs!

[sandra-leigh]

Stay OUT of the gay bars

I have to respond to that, because our experience is so very different!!


Our local social club outgrew its original store-basement meeting place; after some dithering it went to (if I recall oral history correctly, which I probably don't) a lesbian club, but that shut down. A GLBT club offered its space. The members debated a fair bit (I'm told), partly because the GLBT club would be open for regular business during the meetings, and partly because it was primarily a Gay Bar and some members weren't comfortable going to a Gay Bar -- and, more importantly, "everyone knows" that "Gay's don't like crossdressers". But the GLBT club seemed sincere, and so with some misgivings the local social club started holding its meetings at the Gay Bar.

So how did it turn out for us? Answer: Far better than anyone expected. The club goes out of its way to make us feel welcome, and we've become quite good friends with several generations of staff there; and the club has made it quite clear to us that disrespect for us by the other clients will not be tolerated. We've held our annual dinner there three years in a row, and the staff there volunteers to help decorate the place for us, and volunteers for things like coat check so we can relax and enjoy ourselves. We are really on excellent terms with the club -- I could mention several other avenues of good connection.

And how is it when we go to bar events, how are we treated? Well, the last couple of years, chances are that at least one of our members were part of the entertainment or were good friends of the entertainers. The regular club-goers know a number of us, and welcome us. I've gone to the bar Dressed on some random nights (where there was nothing connected to our social club planned), and never once have I been bothered or insulted -- but I have had strangers complement me on my appearance, and I have had strangers invite me over to talk (without even a hint of trying to pick me up.)


I admit to prejudice: before I started cross-dressing, I wouldn't have gone to the club -- "Why would I want to go to a gay bar?". But now that I've been around the club, and seen how they treat us and how other people are treated, and interacted with the staff, I am proud to be considered a friend of the place.

[JennyS.]

I was dressed sophosticated. I didn't try to look like a tranny-hooker at all. I was dressed in very conservative clothes. No short tight skirts, little skin showing, except for my knees down. I had a nice wig on that I thought looked nice... Not hooker like. My arms were covered from the elbows up and I ddin't show any cleavage. Now ya'll got me worring about that, too.

Oh, what to do. What to do.



I don't know how you were dressed, but if you dress like a ****ty tranny (and many do, I'm not in that world), and are attractive, you will be taken for the same.

The t-girl prostitutes in the LA area wear very short skirts, high heels, long hair, uber-makeup. Many of the T-girls who go to T-clubs in the LA area dress the same way, for sexual titillation, and they *want* the kind of attention you received.

Regardless of how you dress, it takes a while to get comfortable in handling men. I used to get freaked out when I got attention, too.

Maybe you should make some friends, and go out together, until you get the lay of the land.

[MissConstrued]

I've been to gay bars in my local area
....
As I've been to various GLBT bars/clubs,


Don't I recall reading one of your posts about having a hard time meeting a good woman?

I think "duh!" will suffice.


@JennyS -- If you go places where men expect to find tranny hookers, assumptions will be made.

[DanaR]

I have to respond to that, because our experience is so very different!!




I would imagine that your experience was different, because a group/club approached the bar and discussed their concerns, not someone walking in off of the street. The bar set down their rules or mentioned to the patrons what was going to happen. If you go into a gay bar, by yourself, you will probably get hit on. If you go into a straight bar, by yourself, who knows what might happen to you; unless you know the bar. If you are going out the safest way would be in a group.

Personally, I don’t like walking around by myself late at night in an area I’m not familiar with. You usually don’t find women doing this either; it just isn’t safe.

[Kayla Shadows]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoDBXTnlR4E

Sorry to hear about how your experience.Ive never been to one but a friend of mine has been to one near me.All she said was,"unless you feel like getting groped by nasty old men,then dont go".All I can say is that was her experience.I dont know if I would go unless some friends said they knew a cool safe place that other girls go to as well.Myself,if I had to do it alone,possibly a lesbian or transgendered bar.I dont know of any around me yet.I plan on getting out of here anyway and heading west.

[dilane]

I was dressed sophosticated. I didn't try to look like a tranny-hooker at all. I was dressed in very conservative clothes. No short tight skirts, little skin showing, except for my knees down. I had a nice wig on that I thought looked nice... Not hooker like. My arms were covered from the elbows up and I didn't show any cleavage. Now ya'll got me worring about that, too.

Oh, what to do. What to do.

Hi Jenny,

I went on about the tranny hooker thing partly because your photos show you in way above the knee skirts. If you were dressed like a lady, then you must be pretty hot and/or the area or bar is a sleazy dive.

In any case, get some friends and go out with them, and learn how to politely and firmly handle men, and how to take control of the situation when you get male attention.

GG's can be very tough in this regard; I have seen GG's say things like "Don't you dare touch me!" when an unwanted touch occurred.

Sounds like you got in way over your head. Find someone who can accompany you and help you learn the ropes.

Danar made an excellent point about single women alone at night. None of the women (GG's) in the clubs I go to will walk more than a few feet to their car unaccompanied at night.

-- Diane

[JennyS.]

You are totally right. I got in over my head because I didn't know what to expect. Now I know. I wish I could make friends here, but as far as I can tel there are no support groups for gurls like us. That would make things so much easier, seriously. Oh, the short skirt thing is just for me and me only.



Hi Jenny,

I went on about the tranny hooker thing partly because your photos show you in way above the knee skirts. If you were dressed like a lady, then you must be pretty hot and/or the area or bar is a sleazy dive.

In any case, get some friends and go out with them, and learn how to politely and firmly handle men, and how to take control of the situation when you get male attention.

GG's can be very tough in this regard; I have seen GG's say things like "Don't you dare touch me!" when an unwanted touch occurred.

Sounds like you got in way over your head. Find someone who can accompany you and help you learn the ropes.

Danar made an excellent point about single women alone at night. None of the women (GG's) in the clubs I go to will walk more than a few feet to their car unaccompanied at night.

-- Diane

[Ashlyee Paige]

I have a small walk from the parking lot to the front of the bar when I go out and its on a MAIN road and alot of guys stop their cars and try to get me to get in their car or want me to call them, I usually just keep walking, thank god there are always people walking close by in case anything happened but i am always scared when it happens. I usually dress the same as GG's at the same club and would get upset and feel uncomfortable as well if that happened. Guys always try to paw around and I keep having to move away. It does get really annoying.

[Nicki B]

A couple of things struck me. Wow. What women go through, being hit on all the time. All I wanted to do was blend in and keep to myself. If I didn't talk to anyone all night I woulda been happy.
.....There is no way I'm going out by myself again... At least until I know I am going to be safe.
Has any of you expreinced situations like this?

How often do you see single women out in bars/clubs on their own? Rarely - they usually go in pairs, or with a male friend, at the minimum?

There's a good reason for that.

BUT, my experience would be, you can usually find gay folk to talk to, in LGB places, who will treat you like a human being, not just a piece of meat? But the other answer is to join in with any other groups of genetic women - they will understand completely. I've seen it work both ways - single trans women being 'sheltered' by genetic women, and vice versa? ;)

[sandra-leigh]

I would imagine that your experience was different, because a group/club approached the bar and discussed their concerns, not someone walking in off of the street. The bar set down their rules or mentioned to the patrons what was going to happen.


I wasn't there myself (hadn't joined yet) when the discussions were going on, but my understanding is that it wasn't like that, that it wasn't a matter of setting down rules to us or of warning patrons or anything like that: it was just a negotiation of mutual interest -- the bar was thinking of opening up that weekday evening and us showing up that evening once a month was enough for them to be willing to take the financial risk. The bar has (to the best of my knowledge) always been big on respect for the other patrons. Different bars have different "roughness": the one we hold our meetings at got its start as the GLBT community centre, and is still big on community.



If you go into a gay bar, by yourself, you will probably get hit on.

There are only a small number of gay bars in the city -- there used to be more, but as homosexuality has become pretty integrated into mainstream Canadian society (at least in the urban centers), attendance dwindled as fewer gay people felt like they needed a distinctive place rather than just going where-ever they felt like. I believe I've been in all the remaining gay bars in town, by myself, dressed, and I didn't get hit on even once.


If you go into a straight bar, by yourself, who knows what might happen to you; unless you know the bar.

The only place that anyone has ever tried to pick me up (unless I missed the signs!), is at a (supposedly) straight strip club. The first time it happened, the fellow was completely respectful, talked to me for a while before trying for the pickup, and knew for sure that I was a guy. The second time, the (different) fellow was a bit pushy, and was drunk enough that he couldn't decide whether I was a guy or not... and didn't care. Apparently he had tried to pick up a number of other people before me.

[JennyS.]

Here is a terrible pci of me the way I was dressed. I don't think it's tranny-hooker, do you?

[TxKimberly]

I go out to gay bars all across the country. You name a major city in the East/NE US and odds are fair I've been out there. I have been hit on a few times, a lot less than people might think, but never by anyone persistent or who wouldn't take no for an answer. Like Joann, I've always been treated well and with respect, and even though these days I'm comfortable going any where I want, I still go to gay bars for Karaoke because I feel safe and comfortable there.
One other thing that might help (no promises) is to wear a wedding ring. My wife bought me a cheap costume jewelry female wedding ring for like $20 and I wear it when I'm out. On the few times I'm hit on, I give them my best smile, point at the ring, and tell them "I'm very flattered, thank you, but I'm VERY married!". That usually gets a good laugh, and we all go our own way.

[ggtracy]

As a GG, I can tell you that it doesn't matter how you are dressed. Any woman going to a bar alone, is likely to get treated the same way. It's not fair at all and can be scary. Next time, if you are going out alone, don't be shy, chat it up with the bar staff some. This will usually keep the creepy guys away.

You probably didn't notice but I would bet that after being shot down by you, they just moved on to their next target.

[TxKimberly]

. . . Next time, if you are going out alone, don't be shy, chat it up with the bar staff some. This will usually keep the creepy guys away. . .

Tracy has a great point here. One of the first times I went out was about 15 years ago, when I was a good deal younger and prettier :-( . I was talking to the bartender when this creepy guy just wouldn't leave me alone. The bartender noticed how uncomfortable I was getting and litterlay leaned across the bar in front of me to stare at the creepy guy behind me. He didn't say anything, he just stared at him until he went away. LOL

[Ronni Seymour]

In the future, go with someone else, or get out during the day. Shopping and out to eats can also be a great time, dear. Don't let that one negative time keep you in. Just be a little more thoughtful about where you go.
People are looking for all sorts of fun in bars. No so much during normal day hours.

[deja true]

Not much to add, hunny, but I think Tess hit on a big point concerning the place's overall reputation and ambience...

You woudn't go to a steel-workers' hangout in a lawyer's pin stripe suit would you?

Gotta feeling that 'gay' bars in better neighborhoods, with a better class of clientele, might be a much safer bet, eh? Look for potted ferns as decor, rather than big pics of muscle boys and motorcycles...LOL!

*Sorta kiddin'...but not really!*

:)

[JennyS.]

For all the advise. One thing is certian, I can't find support groups or anything like that in my city to find friends to go out with. That's why I went alone. I'd love to go out for dinner or something with a new friend, just don't know anybody. The reason I went to a gay bar is to look for someone like me, not to get hit on. I believe I had the right intentions, it's the outcome that bothered me.
Again, thanks everyone.

[sterling12]

I can guess at a couple of things that haven't been mentioned. I don't know The History of your Bar, but perhaps there has been past episodes of Gurl's "offering their services" in, and around the facility. You got "propped" so often, I just wonder if that might be the case.

Second thought...."safety in numbers!" If you would have asked most any single GG, you would have learned that women normally go out with friends, especially to Bars! Besides the obvious social benefits, it also provides a measure of safety. You have now learned on of the great "truths" of The Universe. If you look moderately decent and your alone, you go to a bar straight or gay, your gonna' get "hit-on." Remember how you behaved, when you were single and in Guy-mode.....why would you expect something different from all these men?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[msginaadoll]

Sorry to hear of your experience hun. I have gone to a couple of gay bars here in Detroit, Rainbow Room and Gigis. I have gone with friends as well as alone. Have generally had a goood time. I do understand though about the guys. If I was ever around the bar area by myself, I could see guys checking me out, and a more than a few times being hit on. I actually decided to see how long i could stand by the bar before I was approached one time. It was less than five minutes, say closer to 3. And I am a average looking cd, not a knockout so that tells u something. I notice that get hit on quicker when wearing something a little more provocative. I try to be friendly but know when to say im not interested, leave me alone. I have also been groped before, had my but accidentally brushed against. I guess im saying that just to say people and we men in general can be pig faced jerks. However there are also some great cds ive met at clubs as well as some nicer gentleman. Just say be prepared for anything. As for your picture, you look like u dressed nice, though is a sexy look. I believe a look guaranteed to get attention whether u wanted to have it or not. Just my two cents.

[donnalee]

I decided to leave. I went out to the parking lot and another man approached me and asked me what I would do for $20. I was devistated and told him that I wasn't a hooker and that he could put his money away. He left me alone and I went home.

Not only an a***h*le, but a cheap one at that!:brolleyes:
:hugs:Donna

[JennyS.]

Not only an a***h*le, but a cheap one at that!:brolleyes:
:hugs:Donna


Ha!!!

[cd_britney_426]

Sorry to hear about the negative experiences you have had and hope your next night out goes much better. While I haven't been to any clubs dressed in Texas, I have gone out several dozen times now here in Arizona and hopefully I can share my insight on this although I'm no expert.

I have encountered very similar problems to what you have mentioned and I have narrowed the reason down to two factors: location and presentation. First, a quality club attracts quality people whereas a dive bar attracts street people. By presentation, I am referring to how you carry yourself. If you look nervous or give off a vibe that you may not be having the best time, people will hone in on that. That isn't to say it is your fault which it isn't, but a lot of the low-life trash out there in society have a predatory mentality and likewise seek out victims.

There are about 20-30 "alternative" bars and clubs here in the Phoenix area but unfortunately there is only one that specifically would be considered a transgender bar. The rest of these clubs that I've been to or heard about are generally known as "gay bars" or "lesbian bars" or a bit of both but not necessarily "tranny bars." Anyway, the club I spent the majority of the times dressed in femme to was of course the "tranny bar" as about 50% of the clientele is transgender of varying flavors. Unfortunately, this place is a severe dive with lots of hookers, drug dealing, and creepy old men. It is very racially mixed but doesn't always have the best quality of each group (i.e. white trash, black gangsters, etc.). They even have ex-felons working as security guards which I wonder if that is even legal according to liquor laws here. Regardless, amongst all of the "trash" that go there, I have met some amazing people and some really great friends, had great conversations, and had some good times.

On the other hand, I have started going to an upscale gay/lesbian bar where the drink prices are substantially more expensive, and the entire place is luxurious. Even though I'm usually the only T-girl there, I am finding that I am much happier at this club than at the previous one mentioned because virtually everyone there actually is "normal." Is the place perfect? Of course not. However, I have already begun to make friends with both guys and girls there. I don't have to worry about constant groping, fights, and other unpleasant behavior. In short, "you get what you pay for." This is also the kind of place where you would never see people from the other bar as they wouldn't even let most of them in and any behavior even remotely close to what I described at the other one would result in the person immediately being thrown out.

Not to go on too much, but I mentioned these examples for the purpose of pointing out that in order to have a good time and meet decent people you have to set up filters. Not only does this include spending a few extra bucks and going to a nicer place but it also means that when you do go to a lower-end club that you carry yourself in a way where you don't put up with any such nonsense. For instance, I do still go to the tranny bar because I do have a lot of friends there but I will not put up with criminal behavior. If I see a fight, I go straight to the nearest exit and dial 911. Likewise, if someone puts their hand on me in a way I don't feel comfortable I will tell them to not touch me and I will remove their hand in as aggressive a manner as I feel is necessary. I won't make eye contact with people I don't consider worthy of talking to and people who do get on my nerves will be told to go bother someone else. If someone is threatenening, I will tell security and if they don't take care of the individual within about 20 seconds, I will go outside and call the police. Some of the other t-girls who actually are prostitutes have given me trouble and I have also threatened them with legal action. Additionally, most of the bar staff as well as the regular patrons "think" that I am armed even though you aren't supposed to carry guns in places that serve alcohol.

I disagree with some of the others on here who have stated that you should or should not do certain things "just because most other people" do or don't do them. We are supposed to be a society of laws and not some anarchy. You have the right to walk to your car at night regardless of how far away and not be stalked, threatened, or harrassed. You have the right not to be sexually abused or solicited in public places. Yes, you can choose to only go out to fancy places or go out with friends but not everyone has those luxuries. Additionally, you shouldn't have to change your habits to suit other people who are not even acting lawfully in the first place. I go to the tranny bar because there are some good interesting people there. Stalking, prostitution, drug dealing, harrassment, threats, fights, drunken obnoxiousness, and non-consensual sexual touching are all criminal acts and some of them are felonies. I really am sick of how everyone says that women (or t-girls) should have to make compromises (such as not going out alone at night) simply because of these criminals. As long as law-abiding people are having to give up their rights because of criminals, you are literally letting them win and it is actually encouraging the illegal acts. You have the right not to be victimized. Likewise, my tolerance level for this stuff after seeing so much of it (i.e. creeps in pickup trucks hiding out and following t-girls home, inappropriate touching, offering money for sex, etc.) has literally gone to zero. If my safety or the safety of my friends cannot be reasonably met by the management of a place, I will use the legal system to get them closed down but I won't just "quit going there."

Sorry for rambling but I felt this needed to be said. We have rights to be who we are. We are not breaking any laws and likewise should not have to put up with other people who are directly violating our rights. I am not going to dress differently just because some sick old man might offer to pay me money for sex. I don't do things to please others. But I will tell that old man that he better hope I'm not an undercover. I'll close this post by saying "Just be confident, focus on the quality that you truly want when going out, and do whatever is necessary to filter out the people or behaviors that you do not want." Britney

[Kelli Michelle]

Ok, I am from San Antonio, which is where you live now. I imagine you were on the Main St. strip, where so many of the gay clubs are. There are a few tgs working that area. I know I have seen them get into cars with guys. Later, when i come out i see them walking around, so I know what they are doing.

I don't think it's you. Your outfit looks really cute. But, these guys are expecting any "gurl' hanging around in the parking lot----well, they may be wanting to turn a trick. I suspect some of these very guys come into the bars there looking for the same.

Now, there are lots of nice people in these bars. But for the most part, a lot of these bars are pick-up joints, so they assume everyone is there to meet, etc. I wouldn't worry about it. It's them not you. You have done the right thing, just politely refusing. It sounds like they have all been polite and left. So far and so good.

Since we are now friends, we can meet up and go out. I know some places where you don't run into those kinds of things (well mostly anyway). Try the 106 Off Broadway. That's my home bar, very laid back, the bartenders are sweeties, they will look after you (tell them you know Kelli), and people are very friendly and fun. The Bonham, though it is a big club with multiple bars and dance floors, is another place where you should get less of that (unless of course you initiate it---lol)

There are other places, we can talk about. Just PM me.

[JennyS.]

Kelli... You are so right, it was that area. That is the only place I have heard of that welcomes CD'ers and just thought I'd be safe there. And I was safe... The men did leave me alone when I asked so that's saying something. I guess I'm extremely naive in all this. I'd venture to say that most of us are, expecially those of us who haven't been out much. At the time, I didn't notice any 'gurls' getting into vehicles and such. I must of been blinded by my own insecurities.
Gosh, the safety of our walls and computer monitors leaves lots of information out.
Kelli... I look forward to meeting you and the others this weekend!