Wanting to Be Noticed

[msginaadoll]

This topic occured to me as I was talking to an online friend who may come to town for an outing. We talked about going to get makeovers and then going out to the mall, then latter to club. We got to talking about clothing and various outfits. She mentioned about having some mini skirts and very high heels. My first response was that she might want to dress a little down for going shopping, I meant this for her as well as myself. It got me thinking about several posts when people describe the outfits they wore out, or were planning on wearing out in public. In my opinion they were ones that were guaranteed to get them attention. Going to the mall during the week you see most women in jeans and casual looks. You do see some coming from work in skirts and business suits. You dont see a whole lot of miniskirts on women over 25. So how much of this is related to all of our healthy egos wanting to be noticed, even though focused on passing. Sometimes the too collide. When I got ready to go out to the bowling alley for a gathering with friends, I had to force myself into a pair of pants and a turtleneck. It was in the bar area so was not overdressed. If was in actual alley should have worn jeans and a sweatshirt. That is if i wanted passability and to blend in. Guess Im interested in others thoughts. Sorry for the long post.

[Lainie]

I agree that one should try to blend in, and not call attention to yourself--some of that attention may be unwanted. However, most people are way too dumpy-looking for my taste most of the time these days. :doh: So I think it's ok to wear age-appropriate outfits that are a little nicer than the average girl on the street.

[tamarav]

I think you are right on, most of us want to be seen but cannot separate oursleves from our fantasy looks. We want to be the double G cupped babe with a mini and 6 inch heels and can't understand why eveyone was making cat calls at us.

I have experienced this phenomenon with many of my CD friends in the past. It got so bad that we had to make a pact to openly criticise each other so that we were not offended or dragged into the appearance of being the loose women our friend(s) portrayed.

Many nights turned into bitch sessions as one of our associates would not calm her look down to medium boil. She stood like like a lone hooker at a truck stop while we were trying to go to classy resturants in San Francisco.

I have gotten many emails and requests to show my tight minis and my latex and 6 inch heels and, dare I say, panty shots. But, I just don't do that. I work dressed and I have to at least try to blend or I would be the laughing stock of the area. That is how I defend my wearing jeans and a cute top rather than fishnets under my micro-mini on transparent 6 inch platform heels with see-through blouse.

My "competition" is still a bunch of women that wear crappier clothes than most males would ever dream of. Sometimes it is hard to tell that they are actually female the way they dress and act. However,some of them are actually wearing mascarra now....

So, if you want to pass without parting traffic, look like everyone else, no matter how boring you might think it is. Being and looking like a woman does not always mean wanting to be picked out of a crowd.

I am still working on the "age-appropriate" angle..

[Teri Jean]

In short; where do you hide a tree but in the forest. Blend, blend, blend, that doesn't mean you have to look frumpy but a cocktail dress in the mall will make you a target. Dress to have fun and enjoy. Keli my two cents.

[Sophia de la luz]

For myself, I like to go for a look that's appropriate to the task and situation. If I lived in a large city instead of a small town, I would feel a little freer with my outfits. The age appropriate thing is a good reference point for me as well.

However, I support folks dressing however they feel. If that means "trampy", then go for it. I like seeing people get into costumes. I like living in a society with more room for personal expression. I also like the philosophy of giving things a turn so their true nature can present itself.

[Marissa]

On my first outing, I found myself overdressed, even though it was New Year's Eve. The place was not that upscale for what I was wearing.. but then again, the Showgirl Drag Queens made it okay :)

My outing in Dallas brought that to mind again, as I had shopped to somewhat impress. I had to put myself in the minds of those GGs that would be around and to think on what they would wear to go out to a club. Mostly jeans and a top. While i wanted a short skirt or dress..

Yes we want to show our best off.. but as stated, we have to blend in at times.. Unless its always fancy parties on yachts..hmmm where is my Mr Big Bucks????? :)

[Hope]

I think that Lainie is about 90% of the way there.

People here are always talking about dressing down to blend in with the rest of the crowd. Quite honestly, most of the crowd today is frumpy, dumpy, and ugly. If I want to look like that, I already have a closet full of guy clothes, thanks. I can't imagine going anywhere, other than perhaps camping, in jeans and a sweatshirt... and that goes for en drab - much less en femme.

At the same time, if you dress like a $3 *****, you should expect to get a certain amount of resistance. I know my wife would, and it's not because she doesn't pass. It is because her outfit would be inappropriate for her setting. Which is really the key I think... Lots of girls here talk about dressing down and looking frumpy to pass... which certainly will work - no one gives the frumpy woman a second look. But who wants to be the frumpy woman?

You can be attractive - but that does not mean looking like a trashy, sticky, *****.

Learn to make your outfit match your surroundings. Skirt in the mall? Absolutely. Just make sure the hem falls to your knee or lower, and that your boob isn't falling out of your top. Can you wear a dress at the mall? Absolutely. But you can't really wear that clingy little red cocktail dress at the mall... and you certainly can't wear the 4 inch patent leather heels, or the stockings with garters showing... You want to wear the clingy dress? Go to a cocktail party... or at least an upscale lounge, after about 7:00pm... You want to wear the skirt with a 14-inch hem? Go to a club in a college town.

This might be such an issue for us, because a lot of guys seem to have a hard time putting together an appropriate guy-outfit for their surroundings. I have seriously seen guys walking around in public in swimming trunks and sweaters... oblivious to how absurd they look. When you compound our testosterone induced desire to be ****s, with our early-teen understanding of what is and is not appropriate to wear out... we are naturally flirting with disaster.

And then of course - there is the issue of being aware of how old you actually are... not how old you want to be, or feel, but how old you actually are. We have all seen the embarrassing girl who was doing 22 in a 48... don't be that girl.

Ok - so... be pretty. There is nothing wrong with that. Just dress appropriately for your surroundings, keep the ****tieness in check (when in doubt...) and be aware of your age... and dress accordingly.

[Angie G]

One wears the sexy thing to be noticed not that a bad thing. If that's what you want. If not one should dress down to fit the serenadings.:hugs:
Angie

[gennee]

I have always dressed conservatively, yet I like to be stylish also. Basically, I keep it simple. For example if I wear a black skirt, I'll wear a patterned or solid color top. I wear jewelry which will accentuate my outfit. I generally wear flats or low heels. I have gotten compliments from both men and women.

I learned my sense of fashion from my mother. Conservative doesn't have to be dull. Dressing age appropriate is the best way IMHO and doesn't draw unwanted attention.

Gennee


:)

[Ronni Seymour]

Yes, we want the attention, but we need to cultivate common sense ways of getting it. Like trying to dress attractive, and appropriate, to what we are going to do.
Even though a lot of women do dress way down, there are also a lot that dress very attractive, without being overboard. We can do the same.
Blending is my goal, and when someone reads me, I want to be a contrast against the stereotypical, tabloid image they may have of CD's.

[Hope]

Yes, we want the attention, but we need to cultivate common sense ways of getting it. Like trying to dress attractive, and appropriate, to what we are going to do.
Even though a lot of women do dress way down, there are also a lot that dress very attractive, without being overboard. We can do the same.
Blending is my goal, and when someone reads me, I want to be a contrast against the stereotypical, tabloid image they may have of CD's.

Exactly... it's not the attractiveness, that gets us in trouble, it's the sexiness / ****tiness... If we can get past that, I think we will be well on our way to making a better impression of ourselves in the public eye.

[RobertaM]

I like tami's comment


I think you are right on, most of us want to be seen but cannot separate oursleves from our fantasy looks. We want to be the double G cupped babe with a mini and 6 inch heels and can't understand why eveyone was making cat calls at us.

I think that gurls recently coming out (me included) are already have the stress of the xcrossdressing confusion in their heads. So now you have all the pressure of societal norms as well. Dress up , dress down, dress your age, and the fantasy layers.

I offer the looks that i have been going thru recently.
comments. I can take it im a big girl,, really im am lol. 5ft11 225lbs.
xo Ciao Roberta

[Jess_cd32]

I guess this thread subject fits in away what my SO was saying today about how most of us cd'ers mock women in how we dress, she had me included in that. "Women don't dress like that" were her words, basically meaning we way over do our outfits and appearance, but not all cd'ers.

I don't think you not wanting your friend wearing a mini is unreasonable, but is that her usual style? If yes, then maybe asking her for an outting wasn't a good idea. Try and convey your feelings about it to her, maybe she'll compromise and you both can have a great time going out.

[msginaadoll]

Thanks for all the great responses! First of all have to say would not be embarrassed to be seen with friend in miniskirt or whatever she wants to wear. The point was it sounds like it would be a first outing for her, and wanted her to be aware of the attention she would draw. Positive or negative. It seems sometimes we can be blind to people reactions or not aware(myself included) what we are wearing really does stand out. People sometimes complain that they were looked at or made fun of etc.. But when u dress to stand out you are going to get the attention. It is kind of like the younger folks with piercings all over pale makeup and spiked hair. The seniors stare at them and they wonder why. Like it or not we all are part of a fraternity or sorority of sisters and we do get judged. Hopefully the judgement is not based on the freak show that is Jerry Springer. Its ok but it is nice to be aware of it.

[MsJanessa]

one of the most passable cds I know looks like one of my maiden aunts, or a librarian about to retire--a little(well actually a lot) overweight---salt and pepper wig, skirt with flats and a cardigan(womens) not anybody you would look twice at but if you saw her on the street you would never guess she was not female at birth. The point is that to pass most of us have to dress as ordinary women and not attract much attention---its when we put on sexy leather, satin, heavy make up and skyscraper heels that we stand out. that doesn't mean we shouldn't wear short and tight but when we do, the chances of being "read" increase tenfold--but then who cares---I would rather be noticed as a beautiful CD then pass as a plain GG.

[Marlena_Sparkles]

Yep. That was me 25+ years ago when I was in my 20's. I always went out in skirts & high heels. I have always dressed for me then & still do now. I dress with the things I love to wear & what I think looks good on me. As time passed I became more educated & fashionable. No more super-short skirts for me. I still love my high heels. I will only wear them to the club,out for dinner or a fancy party.

To the OP...I think it is okay to wear what one wants. As long as it is age appropriate. And as long as one is not overly dressed compared to the rest of their group. This used to be my biggest problem. Now I know how to dress casual,conservative,chic,glam or whatever it calls for. I have toned it down a bit.

One other point here...Something I have mentioned in the past. Guys will be guys. They look at women all the time. It's in their genes. So if we are out there lookin' like a woman...it's unavoidable. KWIM? Half the popultion is going to look anyways.:whistling:

[PaulaSF]

I feel there's a coupla main things going on here (and I'm fully "onboard" with the "drawing attention, aka "see & be seen vibe" as that's certainly a part of most of my outings...).

1. The blending/stealth concept/"goal." I think this is far too common, matronly "linebackers in pant suits," "frumpy church lady," or age-appropriate granny/Ms. Doubtfire looks are the pendelum swinging too far away from the ****tie, "faux****" micro-skirted hooker looks that are often one's starting point.

2. For some t-gals, the sexually-objectified presentation, "bait" for admirers, etc., is their "be all, and end all." Essentially wanting to go/get no further out, than the safety of the tranny ghetto gay bars/drag shows. These sorts of looks aren't out of character/place here. But it also serves as a justification/reason, for not expanding their venue boundaries, since they realize it would be inappropriate (or hope tho do, faux****s out for weekend breakfast amongst kids/families uber-tacky, IMHO).

3. The difference (sutble and many shades of grey, as well as highly personal/subjective) between a CD & a TV- fetishistic, focusing more on the erotic vs. fully femme, feeling a more grounded, softer, self, etc.

Personally, I think age-appropriate can too often be a crutch, overly formulaic... attitude, body, and confidence all make a big difference. Tho I do adhere to the short hair for older gals "edict," I enjoy short skirts (beyond the clubwear venues, too!) tho often with opaque tights, and/or flats to tone things down.

My main considerations when choosing a look:
1. Venue/time of day appropriate.
2. A sexy classy, "woman of a certain age," cougar/fashionista/MILF sorta muse.
3. Wanting to be one of the better-looking/dressed, and thus visually appealing gals, wherever I might be going (the old, dressing for the other women, i.e., "competing" with them, as it were). This implies being comfortable & confident, which comes from repeated positive experiences, out, en femme.

Three of my examples:
1. "hoochie" clubwear look
2. GG-esque skinny jeans look
3. Going shopping during the day (skirts still doable ;-)

cheers,
Paula

[Karren H]

I don't go out of my way to get noticed or out of my way to hide..... though I don't think I blend all that well.... then again I don't really care either..

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Inside we want to be noticed - we want to show off our creations of

femininity - but ouside if we want to go out in the public like shopping in a

mall, then we need to face reality that we need to just blend in


JoAnne Wheeler