Coming out/ need help writing letter to my wife

[PanteeQueen]

I want to thank everyone here at the forum for my ability to come out. Though my SO knows i crossdress, I don't feel comfortable telling her everything yet. I was so excited last night that I could barely sleep. I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their day.

Ciao

PQ

[Angie G]

Well PQ I glad you so happy hun. It's nice to have other girls to talk with.:hugs:
Angie

[PanteeQueen]

Hey gals,

I want to write a letter to my wife to explain everything that I feel about crossdressing. She does know that I do it but isn't very open about. The first time that I told her, she replied with "So your going to become gay now." Anyways, jsut tell me what you think.

Honey,

You know that I love you and would do anything for you. However, I have recently come to terms with my crossdressing and reallized that I am a crossdresser. I know that this makes you uncomfortable but I need to explore this newly found side. I don't know how far this will go or what will happen but I want you by my side every step of the way. I know that there are a lot of things that we need to talk about but I feel that this is a major part of me. There are so many thrills and exhillerations that I feel when I am dressed up that I think it will always be a part of me. If it's hard for you or you just can't accept it . . . I understand, but once again it is something that I need to do. Once again I hope that you will be there every step of the way so we can experience this together.

Love,

XX

[Joanne f]

I am assuming that you live with your wife when i say ,Forget the letter as it is to impersonal , sit down and talk to her , there are no feelings in the written word so the reader has to imagine what is going on , let her see your feelings .

[PanteeQueen]

I would but I have communication issues. For some reason(going to coucellling for it) I have a very hard time talking. My brain like shuts down and I can't think. Then I get scared and nervous because of the awkward silence. Needless to say, its not very pretty.

[JeanneF]

I am assuming that you live with your wife when i say ,Forget the letter as it is to impersonal , sit down and talk to her , there are no feelings in the written word so the reader has to imagine what is going on , let her see your feelings .

I disagree. My wife and I have found that whenever we have a serious issue that needs to be addressed, it's better to write down what we want to say in a letter. It's the best way to assure that the entire issue is addressed without interruption or going off on a tangent.

That being said, this letter isn't going to answer any of her questions, just create more.

[PanteeQueen]

Thanks for the support gals,

I understand that she will have questions. But I just need to get this part off my chest first. Then we/I can go to the next step.

[Sheila]

hun does your wife know we have a GG section here where she can come talk to the women some who have been where she ?

[Melinda G]

The first time that I told her, she replied with "So your going to become gay now." Anyways, jsut tell me what you think.

That should be your first clue how she will react! Ignore it at your peril!

If she already knows you crossdress, then you are not hiding anything. Leave it at that. Going into a long song and dance about how much it means to you, simply diminishes her role in your life, and increases her feelings of loss, and threat to her marriage! Don't do it!

[DanaR]

Each of you writing letters and then sharing them is a technique that has been used by Marriage Encounter. I can be a very effective way of communication. Hopefully your wife with have some input into the discussion.

Good luck!

[Di]

You did say in another post she knows but doesn't want to see correct? If this is the case you need to respect her wishes unless you did not spell it out totally ....then I can see you writing the letter....if she does know
.....I would not push it .... BUT If you decide to write her anyway please take out the part
" I don't know how far this will go or what will happen "
I would say slow down.......maybe since you are seeing a counselor talk it over with them and maybe they would have suggestions.



Best Wishes on whatever you decide.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

You are making progress - just don't go too fast

JoAnne Wheeler

[Sam-antha]

Forget that letter. What she knows is sufficient for the time being.
Bits can be mentioned, one at a time as the real need arises.
Court her a bit just now, flowers, reassurance and love ( I do not mean sex, necessarily, just old fashioned love) with attention.
~Samm

[Jess_cd32]

.........I don't know how far this will go or what will happen but I want you by my side every step of the way........

As your already aware PQ of my thoughts on this, my main concern still is,
"I don't know how far this will go" and...."what will happen" statement.

As your cd'ing progresses is it going to really cause her serious concern about your relationship? Where does she stand in all of this besides being supportive?
These are things she's going to be asking herself with such words, and as I said before she's thinking all kinds of things. Slow it down, educate yourself and her more and go from there. Good luck with finding a happy medium.

[JulieC]

Thanks for the support gals,

I understand that she will have questions. But I just need to get this part off my chest first. Then we/I can go to the next step.

Careful. Frequently, getting something off of your chest puts it directly, and painfully, on top of the head of the person you're pouring your soul out to.

Personally, I advise against the letter. They have their purpose in life, but in this situation I advise against it. You've opened the door for your wife. The person that needs the most compassion, caring and understanding at this point isn't you...it's your wife. Keep the focus on her, not you.

All things in time. All things in time. You can't get to the finish line so fast.

[Joanne f]

I would but I have communication issues. For some reason(going to coucellling for it) I have a very hard time talking. My brain like shuts down and I can't think. Then I get scared and nervous because of the awkward silence. Needless to say, its not very pretty.
I am sorry as i did not know this , a letter is better than not trying to explain at all .


I disagree. My wife and I have found that whenever we have a serious issue that needs to be addressed, it's better to write down what we want to say in a letter. It's the best way to assure that the entire issue is addressed without interruption or going off on a tangent.

That being said, this letter isn't going to answer any of her questions, just create more.
If you have found something that works for the both of you then that is a good thing .

[JeanneF]

That should be your first clue how she will react! Ignore it at your peril!

Assuming that she's going to react badly because her first question was "so you're going to be gay now?" is being fair. That's a natural assumption that from anyone who is not well-educated on gender identity issues.

My wife's initial reaction was similar, but then she started reading about it and began to really understand my issues.

Our policy on TG issues is simple: She can ask me anything, and I will answer it. That way if she has fears/concerns, they can be quelled.