can you be happy with being both?

[erica12b]

I have been reading tg stories (they all turn girl fulltime) and then a lot of the threads here to, (they are transioning)
I look at myself to see (what do I want)

I like being a guy,
I like doing guy things,
I don’t want to cut anything off,
I don’t want to dress full time.
I do want a gf that know, and helps (is it a pipedream)

I do want to dress at times
I do want (someday) to go out dressed
I do want to help others that cd (helping others understand)
I want to understand my fem side more
I do want Someday to go a week with my nails done long (lol)

The biggest thing for me would be a SO that understands (or even just tries to understand)

But can I have both worlds, is it even possible,
Or will I dress more and more and then go full time, then have things cut and on and on and on

balance is what I need,( and someone to love) so if you have some of these things and if you want some of these things take a minute and just give a thought to the balance in your life, just some of my thoughts and ranting , thanks for reading

[Ballerina]

Everything on your list(s) is possible. Just being open to yourself, and being creative will help you achieve it all. And whatever you want, you want. Transitioning is not for everyone. I used to dwell on transitioning when I was younger, but then I thought of it much like a tattoo, "is it really something I could live with". I just said "no", and will take dressing as a way to express myself. I even shook my head and laughed at the idea of going 24/7. I think it'd be way too much hardwork for me, and I'd probably not put much effort into it after a few days, lol.

As for getting an understanding girl, being open and honest is the best thing, and being brave (I believe) is the greater of the three.

[deja true]

Sure you can have both worlds...

And it's a lot easier when you finally come to grips with yourself and realize that it's not two lives after all!

It's one, integrated life, Erica...

That's the goal.

And how you live it is totally up to you!

:)

[lisalove]

Well, I could have wrote your post in full. Because it explains me perfectly, except that I do go out dressed on occasion. i think it's entirely possible, I've been living this way all my life, and I am quite content, with it just the way it is.

[Nicki B]

Yes.





.

[Joy Carter]

Why bloody not ! It's all up to you sister.

[Zenith]

Why bloody not ! It's all up to you sister.

Some have three...man, woman, dog...sorry couldn't resist...:heehee:

[kellycan27]

I want to be a girl
I like doing girl things
I want to cut it off
I dress full time
I have a boyfriend

I want to dress all the time
I do go out dressed all the time
I too would like to help others understand
I think I understand my feminine side (now and then)
I get my toes and nails done often.

Hey maybe I am your alter ego. LOL
I am sure those things are possible,maybe not easy but possible.
There are a lot of cd'ers that go for years and never have the desire to go full time or cut anything off.
And a lot that have accepting SO's.... get to work!

[kristinacd55]

sounds awfully familiar to me......:)

[Samantha43]

I like being a guy.
I like doing guy things,
I don’t want to cut anything off.
I don’t want to dress full time.
I have a wife that is understanding and supportive.

I do dress at times.
I have gone out dressed. It wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be.
I do want to help others that cd (helping others understand).
I have a fairly good understanding of my feminine side and the role it plays in my life.
I go for a week every year with long acrylic nails. I love them and hate taking them off at the end of the week.

Having the best of both worlds is possible. As you said, balance is the key. Remember what is important to you and balance your life accordingly.

[Lainie]

old joke:
He: "What's the difference between a CD & a TS?"
sHe: "Two years."

and yet many people report life-long cross-dressing. Maybe it's like drugs: marijuana really does lead to heroine, but not usually.

A local TG-boutique owner (GG herself) told me "It's progressive." That scared me out of the pink fog for several months. Now the only thing I have to fear is that I'm not fearful.

[Karren H]

I'm extreeeeeemely happy....

[Celeste]

Like the others mentioned,I can identify with those same desires and don't think they're far fetched,I just can't control the when and where of them.There are things I can control and seek balance in within my everyday life so I can be happy with what doe's work out.I guess its best to work on the things you can until the others fall in place and hold on to your faith in the meantime.

[danaillecd]

i agree with the gurls that want it both. i like my guy side and love to be the woman also when time permits.

[ashes]

When i first started i researched cd'ing extensively. It varies from person to person. Follow your dreams wherever they may take you.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

I enjoy the flexibility of being both, but there are times that I really wish I was only one person. It gets frustrating in fact.
*hugs*

Zarabeth

[sissystephanie]

I'm extreeeeeemely happy....

Like Karren, I am happy being me! See my tag line for who I am!!

[erica12b]

I have been told more than once by gg online than you cant have both , you cant play girl if your not man enough, I know I sound mad (and I am ) I was told off by a gg that I was talking with she went off and told me I cant play on both sides of the fence. She was mad her words hurt and I had to look into my self, I want both, just don’t know how

[txrobinm]

balance, balance, balance. I don't want to cut anything off, or even have implants- it would be TERRIBLE for me to be stuck in one version of me. I need to be able to switch. I have a creative job, but Robin is another way for me to be creative, a different way, with clothes, body language, and makeup.

[Angie G]

You can have both I do. My fiee knows she was making out with Angie just today.I have all my parts intactand thay are staying that way. Loving both worlds.:hugs:
Angie

[JoannaCaroline]

You just need to decide what is right for you.

A few years before I got married I decided I wanted to try living full time for a while. I was living in NYC dating another wonderful accepting woman. Yes there have been several wonderfully accepting women in my past. Unlike some here most of my younger relationships fell apart for a lot of reasons ,none of which included TG/CD and I usually had all, alot, or at least some of the blame for that. But I digress..

I've briefly considered SRS but knew I would never fully transition. During this time in NYC I came to realize that I wasn't going to give up all the things that I liked about being a boi even though I don't like doing some of those things as a girl. I reached the conclusion that I would switch back and forth for the rest of my life. This will include living full time in both genders at different points in my life and will probably include surgeries to alter some physical things about me

So yes you can do everything you want. Now for my fav new quote. "A goal without a plan is just a wish". You have to come up with a plan to achieve what you want. I

[Vicky_Scot]

Of course you can have both.

I certainly do. I love expressing my fem side but still need to have my male side to balance who I am.

I think you do have both so stop questioning yourself......just enjoy being you.

Xx Vicky xX

[LindaMarie]

You can be happy with being both. Just the replies that have been posted here show that it's possible.

It doesn't mean that it's easy. Many people who are happy being both took a long time to get there. Self-acceptance is so important.

I think the most difficult part of your list is finding a supportive girlfriend. Most women think crossdressers are strange little men who could never be good boyfriends or husbands. They're wrong but that belief is so pervasive that it will be extremely difficult to find someone so special that they can look beyond societal stereotypes and see the real you.

If I had it to do over again (and knew then what I know now), I would be much more honest with myself and my then fiancee about my never ending need to crossdress. And that would have changed our relationship. But we would both have had a little bit more of an idea of what we were getting into. Not that you ever know what you're getting into before you get married.

You can find plenty of posts here about boundaries and respecting the other person's needs and wishes, but, in the end, no matter how hard you and your future girlfriend or wife try, it's likely to be very difficult to be a happily married cd. People succeed. There's plenty of people on this forum who do. But there are so many who are frustrated and unhappy.

As long as you're brave and true to yourself, you will be able to love and honor and enjoy both the man and woman in you. It may just be very difficult to find a life partner who will also be able to support and love you for all the things you are.

[BeckiB]

I love who I am and where I am at. I love to do my guys stuff whether it is hunting racing motocross or working on cars. I also love my girl time being pretty and shopping with friends. I have no desire to go all the way. For me I am already there. I wish those who are still on the way good luck and lots of happiness.

[Sarasometimes]

You can have both and as you said things in moderation. Is there a chance you will wish to dress more often as time goes on? Sure but you also may stay just where you are. YMMV. Finding GG's that are attracted to CD's is not an easy search but they are out there. I would work on finding out more about yourself so you can better explain to those GG's what you are about. Therapy, not to change you but to allow you an opportunity to better understand may be helpful. Make sure you go to one who knows CD/tg concept. i spent $$$ teaching them about us. You don't mention your age but sound young. Gave yourself time and seee where you go. if you don't want things cut off you have at least one other person here who agrees, ME!!!! Trust us when we say it can work out.

[ChibiKaiju]

Of course we can have the best of both world; there's just never enough hours in a day :P

Actually this reminds me of a gf my friend had once, she claimed to be mentally male (physically female) insisting on being called by a guy name and treated as a guy... right up until he told her to be a man about some arguement then all of a sudden she's a girl too. My point? Whatever your choice (man, woman, both) you have to stick to it and take all the consequences that come along with your choice.

And when in doubt...there's always in the internet :)

[Kate Simmons]

Sure, why not? Most people are too one sided to understand the concept though.

[Cary]

A Big YES!

[joann07]

I enjoy having the best of both.
I like doing my guy things, such as, taking care of my cars, collecting comic books, target shooting, collecting guns and military history, checking out the girls, etc.
As for my girl side, I love doing girly things, such as, shopping, going out to the movies, dancing, dining out, etc.
I don't take hormones, never had any kind of feminization surgery, and don't have plans go through transition because I'm happy at where I am.

Hugs!

[SaraTV]

I'm mostly with you,

I don’t want to cut anything off (but I wish I could hide it on occasion).
I don’t want to dress completely full time, but I enjoy dressing-under much of the time.
I do want my wife to know and help, maybe even encourage,
I do want (someday) to go out dressed
I do want to help others that cd (helping others understand)
I want to understand my fem side more
I don't want people to see me as one or the other (male or female), just as myself.

[susie evans]

i love being gender gifted i enjoy both worlds and love life and all the new friends i meet along the way

:love:susie

[beenherelongtime]

seems to be a concensus that you can have both, add me to this list, i would at times love to be a gg or at least look like one, but (nowadays you can do both of these) i always enjoyed my sports (male themed at the time) basketball, football, baseball, bowling, (did i say two) and golf. did i just reduce the male input to only sports, oh how shallow can we be.

[Desiree2bababe]

It's definately hard. I found myself in the same boat, liked my male self more than my female self. Never was happy trying to be both.

[Joanne f]

The easy answer to that is YES you can , but that does not mean that you will .
Its that scale of things again , for some it will simply just not be an issue as they are already what they want to be "a male that like`s to dress in female clothes, yet for others the female side is far more important to them .

[PaulaSF]

Don't be geting too far ahead of yourself...

There's a tendency to get really excited/wrapped up in hew things, and go whole hog, but let things develop at a pace that feels comfortable to you.

Seems you haven't even been out, dressed, yet! So how do you even know how much it means to ya???

Certainly dozens of times out, and possbily consider some gender therapy to help accept & understand how far you choose to go, and how to best integrate both sides would be useful advice.

I found, in my early-goings, that there was a lot of, for lack of a better term, "peer pressure" from within support groups, and the makeover salons/services, that "you're not a real tranny, unless, a TS planning on transitioning." And we tend to absorb, and react to that.

Frankly, of the dozens of full-timers I've met, down the decades, most of them are fairly lonely & unhappy, so its a tough road to follow. One post-op I know, that worked at the front desk of her SRS doc. for a coupla years, to help pay for her surgery, commented that she had met about 600 gals that underwent surgery, and that she felt no more than a third were doing it for the right reasons. She was a litle jealous, of my easily going back & forth between the two worlds.

Nowadays, jetting off to Thailand, without all the "gatekeeping" gals going far too quickly, to my mind!

Also, fulltime equates to a lot of effort & work, and often the makeup/getting dolled up, quickly falls to the wayside. And being stelth, totally blending in, more of an issue, what's your take on that? DOoyou want to dissapear?

If you're unhappy as a guy, its unlikely you'll magically become happy being fulltime (unless the near total root of unhappiness is gender-based), but you can always work your way up to integrating more femme time, have lots of experiences, and gradually decide how far you want to go- we don't have an "expiration date" stamped on us, as to how long we're viable for :)

cheers,
Paula

[michelle64]

personally i like both and my GG likes both....would i give up my guy side...hell no...would i give up my female side...hell no....only problem is according to my GG "michelle can be such a bitch sometimes" her words and why i love her...keeps me in check and on track....

[suchacutie]

You can have both, but it does take work, planning, and commitment! Up until 4 years ago there was only 'him'. After 4 years of exploring my fem self, I like Tina...a lot! It definitely takes planning and thought, but it comes down to the old line...."just do it!"

tina :)

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I agree with what you said, Erica

JoAnne Wheeler

[Mrs. X (gg)]

From my point of view:

I am a gg and I have my Thannia, she can dress, she owns dresses, we can play, she doesn't want to to cut anything off and she turns back into him.

My boo can have both....whats wrong with that! :yt:

The GG who talked to you didn't talk for the rest of us here hun. :)

[Di]

Most GG's would say they want both .As long as you are happy with yourself thats the important part because you would not be at odds with yourself all the time....and like I said most GG's appreciate the balance and you feeling happy being yourself is a big bonus.

[Deborah Jane]

Oh yes

I really love both sides of me, after all i'm still the same person no matter how i present myself.

I just tend tend to be a bit blonder and tartier in girly mode :D

[Sheila]

Oh yes

I really love both sides of me, after all i'm still the same person no matter how i present myself.

I just tend tend to be a bit blonder and tartier in girly mode :D

and I love both side of you as well hun :hugs:

Yes it is possible sweetie to have both sides and be happy & it is possible to be balanced .... have fun :hugs:

[Sarah...]

Yes. You can have both. If you know that's what you want then kudos to you :)

I don't want both. But that's just me. And that's what makes life such a hoot - we're all different.

I love that :)

Life would be so boring otherwise :heehee:

Sarah...

[Empress Lainie]

I think this thread goes to show that there are many different degrees of transgender with includes anyone not "straight, completely male or female in brain and body."

I was different when I thought I was a man, and I guess different from a lot of transexuals. I'm a fulltime female and I couldn't even contemplate going back to male or being both.

Yet I know people who are content and happy to split their lives into two parts, the male persona and the female persona.
I never had any desire to crossdress, but when I first realized my status and why I was so different from all the boys and men I had known, I thought for a while (a very brief while) that maybe I was bi-gendered and could live both ways, splitting my time in the two modes.

But I soon discovered it is NOT ME. I am totally female and reject any association automatically with maleness. I would have SRS tomorrow even if it killed me. Remember: "Better red than dead?" For me its: "Better dead than male" would be cuter if it rhymed - Oh, "Better dead than Fred!" I know it sounds extreme to the CD's on here. How I missed the now obvious clues continually thrown at me by myself since I was 3 yrs old I don't know. Maybe just society in general's expectations and my ignorance of the transexual case.

I even tried for about a week living as a bald male, I simply could NOT STAND IT. But all the women I knew and met thought I was great. Previously I had worn wigs with long hair for 8 years, because I did not look right to myself without them.

The relationship part, distresses me a little but not a lot, I feel like I can't expect a gg to want me for herself, and until recently I wouldn't even think about men. So I have my tgirl girlfriend I live with and we love each other but the sex thing is not there between us, and hell I can't do much anymore anyway between diabetes, hormones and age. I think I would enjoy a loving sexual relationship with a female again, but have to face facts, gg's that like tg's at least the hardcore femme ones like me are hard to find.

So now that I know I am female person in a male body (thank goodness for the female characteristics it already had and that I grew) I am so much happier with myself than I had ever been for the 72 years previously. I love my looks, I love being my true self. I love the way guys treat me. I love the way us women treat each other. I love nice clothes and jewelry. And although sometimes a I have a yearning to meet and get to know a female I see, it isn't that bad, since I have Cynthia and my ex-gf whose best girlfriend I am now. The only "guy" thing I ever liked was baseball and working on my cars. I never hung out with guys because I didn't LIKE guys.

[Tina B.]

But I have both, and love it, I have dressed since a small child, now I am an old man some days, and an older woman other days. My wife seems to love both kinds of days. I have never seriously thought about giving up any of my parts, or adding any parts that are not original equipment, I guess I am stuck in a rut, I have never progressed beyond being "Just a cross dresser".
It's all up to you and what you want.
Tina

[JeanneF]

old joke:
He: "What's the difference between a CD & a TS?"
sHe: "Two years."

and yet many people report life-long cross-dressing. Maybe it's like drugs: marijuana really does lead to heroine, but not usually.

I often wonder how much of this is because the TG community is now so interconnected due to the Internet, events like Girl's Night Out in various cities, easier access to support groups/therapists/etc?

I know that when I first really came to terms with my TG-ness, and started going out in public, I found myself heading down the path to transition. Part of this is because I found myself becoming friends with girls who were in various stages of their journey. It's a lot easier to entertain transition when you have friends (either online or IRL) who are doing just that.

At the suggestion of my therapist, I took a substantial break from the TG online world...about a year. That gave me time to really reflect on what being TG meant to me, and where I wanted to end up. It also helped for me to see the reality of what transitioning would entail. That's not to say it wouldn't ever happen, but it's not in the cards at this point in my life.

So to answer the original question...yes, I think you can find a balance. I will say that a big plus to finding balance is with a having a supportive spouse. I'm very lucky in that regard, but I think that's because I told her long before we even moved in together...and she's an uber-liberal, feminist sociology professor, so if anyone is going to be open to someone who defies gender norms...

[Ruth]

Lots of good posts here. Many, many of us here believe that keeping both sides going is possible. I do too.
I love expressing my femme side, I love dresses and lingerie and watching soppy romantic films, and browsing the clothing stores, but I'm also a married man, a family man, with children and grandchildren. Both sides give me great happiness and satisfaction: I will always keep them both - the effort can be great but the rewards are greater.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I don't want to transition. I like my man parts intact. My wife likes them intact very, very much as well. :heehee:

There are times when I enjoy being a guy, and of course it is a lot easier being a guy when out and about.

I love transforming in to Gabrielle and being girly, pretty, sexy, and feminine. I wish I could do it more often, but I have so little free personal time in my life. If I had it my way though, I'd probably be Gabrielle more often than Gabe, but don't want Gabe to go away or anything.

The only real girl-activity I'm in to is looking like a girl. I don't care for shopping in guy-mode or girl-mode. There are really no "feminine" activities that I enjoy... aside from the dressing part. At the same time, I'm really not in to many "guy" things either. I'm more in to nerdy and geeky things.

So there is no going full time for me. Certainly no SRS. I love being a crossdresser. I love being a man who can transform in to (look like) a beautiful woman when opportunity allows. I'll enjoy life on both sides of the gender spectrum and love having a choice. :)

[erica12b]

thank you all, every one says mostly the same yes ,so ill try im going to start a new tread on jobs where you can cd or not

[noeleena]

hi.... A point here seems to be over looked ...that is being androgynous. ill ask ... are there any people here who are ... on our forum . susans. we have a number who are . so we do a lot of posts ....the ?? s are. can we live as both male & female .....oh yes ...what then if we see our selfs as nether one or the other ...how do we dress do things . & are we accepted .. yes to all of those ....
For me i was trained as a builder & still do a bit . i am retired yea well . i like doing cabinat making .... yes as a women ...& accepted as one ....i do both male & female things roles ... its still me . i will not be bound by the thinking of 50 years of as pertaining to how i was brought up .... i am free to be me ...my thinking was both m & f ...now i can choose for my self .... now thats having a freedom i never had for 50 years .. i have had 11 so far ....so in answer to that ?? is YES.........
no second quessing...
...noeleena....

[vivianann]

I want to dress full time
I want to marry a supportive GG
I go out in public enfemme about 60%
I am at peace when enfemme

dont want srs
dont like men
dont want to hide my femme self anymore

[tricia_uktv]

That for me is the million dollar question. I am happy and proud of my male side. But I adore being Tricia and am far happier being Tricia. For the time being I've still got children to bring up though. In eighteen months time I may be free. Then what, I don't yet know but have just decided to enjoy myself for now and cross that bridge when I come to it. I haven't written off transitioning though.

[Linda Laman]

It is all so possible, but it helps by the bucket load if you have a SO who understands and supports you through it all.

[Carly D.]

i have been reading tg stories (they all turn girl fulltime) and then a lot of the threads here to, (they are transioning)
i look at myself to see (what do i want)

i like being a guy,
i like doing guy things,
i don’t want to cut anything off,
i don’t want to dress full time.
I do want a gf that know, and helps (is it a pipedream)

i do want to dress at times
i do want (someday) to go out dressed
i do want to help others that cd (helping others understand)
i want to understand my fem side more
i do want someday to go a week with my nails done long (lol)

the biggest thing for me would be a so that understands (or even just tries to understand)

but can i have both worlds, is it even possible,
or will i dress more and more and then go full time, then have things cut and on and on and on

balance is what i need,( and someone to love) so if you have some of these things and if you want some of these things take a minute and just give a thought to the balance in your life, just some of my thoughts and ranting , thanks for reading


exactly!!!

[shaunamac]

This is a very deep question that surely all of us have to consider from
time to time. There is a split personality aspect to all of this, well for me
anyway. I have been going now for 20 years and actually it gets better.
But I find my life choices are to some extent influenced by the need to
CD to the exclusion of previous interests. Relax into it and the balance
will resolve itself.

[Jae]

I hate my maleness and would change if circumstances were different. My wife does not want a sister and I think she feels that even a platonic husband is better than no husband.

[izzfan]

Personally, I definately have two sides and I think if I was to focus on one for too long then the other would return with a vengeance after a couple of weeks. The strange thing is that this works both ways, if I crossdress too often etc... after a while it seems to lose its appeal and I become a bit bored (for want of a better word) with it and become more masculine for a while until I get bored with that, then the whole cycle starts again.

Don't worry about having two sides, it doesn't necessarily mean that you will have SRS in the future. As the old saying goes: "All transsexuals start out as crossdressers but not all crossdressers are transsexuals" or something like that.

Just my :2c:

[Marilynn]

This is just my impression from reading what other CDs say. There are those who are perfectly happy having male time and female time, and they wouldn't want to change even if they could. There are also CDs who go through "feminizing creep," to coin a term. The GF/wife lets them dress, as long as she doesn't have to see it, and he starts requesting that she let him dress while she's at home. Then, he wants to sleep in a negligee. Then he wants to go to a salon and have his nails done. Pretty soon, he's searching the web for SRS info.

So I think the answer is, yes, some CDs are perfectly happy being a man who occasionally femmes up. But some are not, so the real question is, which are you? And of course, only you can answer that question. For me, dressing is a special thing I do, like going out to dinner. I wouldn't want to eat in restaurants every meal, but I enjoy it when I do it on special occasions.

[sherib]

I like being a guy.
I like doing guy things,
I don’t want to cut anything off.
I don’t want to dress full time.
I would like to have a wife that is understanding and supportive.

Having the best of both worlds is possible. As you said, balance is the key. Remember what is important to you and balance your life accordingly.


All of the above

[stacee2008]

I LIKE being a guy and doing guy things; I LOVE dressing and acting like a woman. I am one person acting as two characters. I do all the guy stuff-I go to hockey games with the buddies, I love to work on cars, I love my wife, etc; but there is nothing I treasure more than keeping my legs as feminine as they can be! The daily exercise, the shaving, the lotions and pantyhose, etc. Then it's back to guy mode. March Madness Baby!!

[vjaducd]

As born like a male & thinking ,leaving sometimes as a female is both in one birth .We are lucky persons on earth ,Pl. enjoy god's gift.
vjaducd:thumbsup::hugs::love:

[María José]

Balance is so dificult ...

You say:

- I like being a guy.

Me too ... well, am I sure? Not log ago I would say yes but, it is great being a girl!

- I like doing guy things.

I can do as a girl every thing I do as a guy.

- I don’t want to cut anything off.

I was sure of that ... I´m almost sure of that ... One day, the therapist asked me: what if, as a woman, you fall in love with a guy? Oh, dear ... that is a big problem!

- I don’t want to dress full time.

I agree, it´s very uncorfortable. As most girls, I love to be without make up, without a wig, just with an old T-shirt and pants.

- I do want a gf that know, and helps (is it a pipedream)

Evereybody want that, boys and girls. Thel all want a bf or a gf that knows and help.

- I do want to dress at times.
- I do want (someday) to go out dressed.

Yes, it is great for the big ocasions, most girls will agree.

- I do want to help others that cd (helping others understand)

Girls love to help othres and understand. Even if you don´t want to be helped ...

- I want to understand my fem side more

Many girls want too.

- I do want Someday to go a week with my nails done long (lol)

That is the desire of a lot of girls, it is imposible to have long nails for a week, they break before!

- Or will I dress more and more and then go full time, then have things cut and on and on and on ...

I also asked that. I dress more and more, now I would like to go full time, and later ... who knows.

Well, people says balance is possible. I hope so!

[alexmusic]

I feel you girl I am in the same boat getting pulled from every direction and I agree with the notion of finding balance, I think this is key.

We are both ying and yang and I think for a lot of us it is always going to be that way, we are not the ones with the problem the problem is with society’s decision to assign a gender identity to everything.

But I do believe we can have it both ways if we reconcile our minds with our hearts, I may not be there yet but damn it I intend to have fun on my way there and a few beers and appletinis too.