Advice please

[Rachaelb64]

Hi all I need some advice or to bounce ideas off peolpe really.

I've been e-mailing a gg for a while approx a month, due to my shift work and other things we haven't meet up yet, but want to.

So here my dilemma, do I mention my CDing before we meet or after?

I am going to tell that I'm a crossdresser, just not sure when I tell her

So its either

A) Tell her before we meet, and she runs screaming to the hills

B) Tell her after we meet, and she runs screaming to the hills

Ok, I know she might not run screaming to the hills but if you start at the bottom then you can only go up :)

Rach :)

[Shikyo]

There is no way to tell if telling before hand or afterward is going to be the better solution. I think that sooner would be better than later, but that's just me.

I would probably meet with her and have a nice chat with her. While this chat I'd decide if I want to tell to her now or later.

No matter how, I think the best way to tell her about this matter would be personally a.k.a. face to face.

[LisaMcall]

Perhaps before you mention CDing you should meet and see how you it goes. If it appears the relationship has potential I think you should tell her pretty early on,say second or third date. Maybe you will be pleasantly surprised.

Just my thoughts.

Good luck,
Lisa

[boardpuppy]

Face to face is the best for telling someone. The internet is great but you read a lot of your hopes and desires into the conversations. At the end of the first date, if your personnalities mesh, tell her about being a CDer. During the date you might feel her out on gender issues, telling her might be a mute point. Sorry, don't mean to be a downer but I was trying to minimize the anguish a little. We get/give enough of that in our lives as it is.

Hugs, hope things work out for you.
Alice

[Shannon]

The sooner the better. Perhaps you should meet with her and get a better comfort level for her personality and any chemistry between each other. If after meeting with her in "real life" you definitely feel it is a relationship you would like to pursue, then tell her. Aside from running for the hills, I think you would want to make sure you can trust her -- and that takes a face-to-face meeting.

[Shelly67]

I,d meet the lady and see how you bounce off each other first . Perhaps let things develope a little more with a few few added meetings before telling her , or you may scare her off . You dont really know her personality do you ? After all its been an internet liason so far
But , and its a big but , if things work out then like others advice on here perhaps bring up the subject of crossdressing and guage the situation awaiting the time before you address it fully .
If all,s cool , and you manage to inform her of youre femanine side without problems , then for goodness sake , don't rush things . Let them develope at her pace .
I,m sure you know the rest .
All the very best of luck .:thumbsup:

[tricia_uktv]

Yes I agree, tell her face to face. But its only fair on her that you do tell her. Good luck!

[PrettyFlowingGown]

I'd meet with her, and wear some slight femme body lotion/perfume, so you'd smell nice. Its one thing that will keep her guessing, and also throw in some little femme ways about you, therefore when you tell her, it wont be such a shock, or surprise. Thats how I'd do it. I wear body lotion/perfume everyday, and have had comments from girls. They say "you smell nice, what is that?". I just say "Its a nice body lotion I was given".

But let me know how you go. All the best anyway.

[tamarav]

Arrange a meet, you really never know who is responding to your emails. You may be so taken aback that you turn around and leave when an old guy in a raincoat turns around.

Seriously, if the person you meet and feel that you want to know better appears to reciprocate, then think about eveything you have heard said over and over about telling someone upfront, not hiding it for years. It may pay off. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

[Angie G]

Maybe not right off see if it may work for you then tell her before you get in to deep.:hugs:
Angie

[Sheila]

yup I would go with the meeting, she if this relationship has potential .... if you think it has then tell her asasp.

Perhaps before you met her you could ask in chats if she has seen ..... whatever your fav TG movie is (say u saw it last night), and if so what she thought of it ......... it may or may not give you an indication how she views the community as a whole .... but do not take any posativity of the lifestyle as a given that she would welcome it in her own life hun.

Good luck

[geri-tg.]

I think you should wait until you have a meeting.You just never know who the other person is.Please wait.

[PaulaSF]

Don't put the cart in front of the horse...

Meet first and see if that on-line connection actually segues into real-life chemistry.

My approach was to broach it prior to first time being intimate (since fully shaven, and only wear thongs, it kinda "brought itself up.").

How extensive of a part of your life is your dressing? If this is some sort of long/medium distance romance, might be able to wait, and judge how things are going.

Cues like progressive attitudes about various topics, as well as her exposure to, and tolerance level for, various types of diversity in people would help you to get a read, beforehand, too.

Focus on whether the two of you hit it off, don't obsess over a "script" on how/when to share your dressing desires with her, but do tell her, before things too far along, consider the ole Golden Rule, and visualize your being in her shoes (well, if nice stilettos, and same size, that is :battingeyelashes:.

cheers,
Paula

[LisaMcall]

Michelle,

"I,d meet the lady and see how you bounce off each other"

I love this line.

Lisa

[Laura Evans]

Don't put the cart in front of the horse...

Meet first and see if that on-line connection actually segues into real-life chemistry.

My approach was to broach it prior to first time being intimate (since fully shaven, and only wear thongs, it kinda "brought itself up.").

How extensive of a part of your life is your dressing? If this is some sort of long/medium distance romance, might be able to wait, and judge how things are going.

Cues like progressive attitudes about various topics, as well as her exposure to, and tolerance level for, various types of diversity in people would help you to get a read, beforehand, too.

Focus on whether the two of you hit it off, don't obsess over a "script" on how/when to share your dressing desires with her, but do tell her, before things too far along, consider the ole Golden Rule, and visualize your being in her shoes (well, if nice stilettos, and same size, that is :battingeyelashes:.

cheers,
Paula


:iagree: See if there is chemistry there first. When you think there is then you need to broach the subject and be ready for whatever response you get. I would do it as early as possible in the relationship. Good luck, I wish you well.:thumbsup:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I would wait until after your first visit - if you bring it up now, you stand a

good chance of loosing her - you need to see how compatible you all are

otherwise first.

JoAnne Wheeler

[MsJanessa]

you don't have to tell her about it at your first meeting but sooner is better than later---I would tell her when it starts to get serious---ie when SEX rears its lovely head.

[Rachaelb64]

You like to thanks to everyone for their advice, bascially you've all comfirmed what I had sort of decided :)

Thats is meet first so how it goes then tell if the relationship starts moving.

But it nice to know I going in the right way.

Rach :)

[kristinacd55]

I would say when you meet face to face, don't wait 34 years like I did. :)

[Areyan]

I think it's really sweet of you to want to tell this lady and be really honest about yourself. I agree with the others though about waiting until you meet and feeling her out a little first. If you feel real chemistry and want to pursue something with her after meeting in person, then it would be right to tell her more about yourself. Although I wasn't told about my partner's CDing until we were together for a few years, in all fairness to him, he had buried it in his mind and tried to forget about it until he could no longer do that. Acceptance was hard for me at first because I felt after such a long time together that perhaps there was more I didn't know about him and it scared me a lot.

Of course, this is where the advantage of honesty and coming out early may help your potential relationship... even if she finds it hard to come to terms with, if she really is into you as well she will most likely want to support you and give it a go. :D Of course, I imagine you'll want to tell her about it when you're not dressed en femme and provide her with as much info as she needs if she's interested in supporting and accepting you. :hugs:

Good luck, I hope it works out great for you!!!

:love:

Akira

[JoannaCaroline]

I told my wife the first time I met her, but I met her at a class/meeting. We went out for drinks and I spilled all my beans. Fortunately for most of you, i only spill the TG beans here. :D. On our first date a few days after I met her I brought out all the pictures. You have to understand though it was easy to figure out that my wife was extremely open-minded and absolutely perfect for me. I was in my 30's never married and quite happy. I knew on the first date that I was going to marry her. In fact I told the dog that, that night (long strange story).

Through my 20's and many different girlfriends, I waited a little longer than the first date to tell them, but I told all of them or stopped dating them very quickly. I think only once did I date someone for more than about 6 weeks and not tell them. Do it sooner rather than later, but I don't think you have to do it before you meet.

[Kelsy]

Be yourself! Meet the girl and if things develop and look like they may get serious "like maybe we might get married serious" then lay it all out!

If opportunity arises to explore the subject then try to get a feel for what her views might be!!

:hugs:Kelsy

[RachelDenise]

Meet her and see if anything develops. No need to give away secrets until you are sure that the chemistry is there. If it is, then you best tell her. Otherwise, ask any number of members here what can happen......