Looking for help with my husband [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Miss Lori

03-12-2009, 01:52 PM

There's a lot going on here so I will try to break it down.

I've been married for almost 5 years, known DH for almost 10. Always known he was a CD.

We are both out of work which has put a huge strain on our marriage.

DH has a drug habit and His father died a month ago and it has been very hard on him.

He says he wants to have other partners, engage in play but not necessarily sex. I am not too happy about this because it could open me up to illness and disease because I am not sure if he would be completely safe about it.

He has a history of anxiety and depression and refuses to see a doctor about it. He is seeing a family counselor but I believe he needs more serious help, like in a hospital and/or rehab setting.

On Monday night he came home from a friend's and he was high as a kite. . Since then, he has locked himself in the 2nd bedroom and has barely come out -- just to bathe yesterday and today. I know he has hardly eaten.

I am at my wit's end with this situation. Anyone deal with addicts who are CDs?

Thanks for listening.

AllieSF

03-12-2009, 01:58 PM

This is a serious situation for him and especially for you, your safety and sanity. I would call your local social services and ask for assistance. They may have a service that can help you. It sounds like he may need intervention, which is probably a very complicated process. The most important thing is to ensure your own personal safety. Whether you are on good terms or not with family, friends or whoever, I would make contingency plans to have an escape option to a safe haven. Think about what you would take, etc. If he loses it more, who knows what the drugs may do to him. Good luck and definitely think of yourself first in this situation.

Miss Lori

03-12-2009, 02:09 PM

Thanks for your reply. I see you're in the Bay Area, I'm in San Francisco. I do not think I'm in any physical danger, nor do I think I have to do anything rash like lock up my jewelry. I would love to get him into a treatment program but both he and I have no family here and two out of the three guys he socializes with are drug addicts and dealers, so I'm sure we'll get no help from them. His mother does not know he has a drug problem.

A friend of mine in Oakland offered her home to me, she has an inlaw suite she said I'd be welcome to use any time I want, even if I'm just looking for a little sanity.

He keeps on focusing on me accepting him as a CD and allowing him to have this multiple partner situation, but I think this is a ruse for his underlying anxiety, depression and substance abuse. Most of my friends and my sister have urged me to leave, even if it's temporary. But we're in a tough spot with no income coming in. It's like we're stuck in a time warp.

AllieSF

03-12-2009, 02:17 PM

Hi Lori,

If you need someone to talk to let me know. Only you know all the details of your situation. . He definitely needs help, which it appears that he does not want now. Get yourself 10 posts here or in other threads and then we can PM (Private Message), if you want. I would guess that the CD side, which can easily become obsessive, complicates all the rest of his issues. But in my opinion, the CD side is not the issue. It is the drug use with all that it entails and can eventually lead to.

Allie

Sheila

03-12-2009, 02:29 PM

right now hun I am with Allie, the cding at the moment is a minor issue .. HE needs help whether he likes it or not if his pot habit is escalting into harder drug usage & they will certainly not help with his anxiety/depression issues, in fact only make em worse ... I don't know what the med peeps can do in the USA re enforcing hospitalisation but I am sure there are drug rehab clinics in your area who would gladly give you A) advice & B) support as an addicts partner, please check them out.

When you get your initilal 10 posts in (including your introduction post) you can then apply to join us GG's in the FAB forum (Female At Birth), in the meantime sending you :hugs:

Erica A.

03-12-2009, 02:30 PM

Lori, the fact that he's a CD is at best secondary. There are so many more important issues going on here. You obviously still love him, but like previously stated, you need to look after yourself first. It dosen't seem that you are important enough to him that he would think of your relationship first. The family counselor is either in the dark about the underlying issues or just a quack as he should recognize all the counseling in the world isn't going to help as long as the rampant drug use exisits. He does need drug rehabilitation, desperately! Not only will this affect his ability to make rational decisions, it's a drain on family finances when you can least afford it. You need to get him some professional rehabilitation help or just get out. Best of luck to you. Keep us posted. -Erica

JoAnne Wheeler

03-12-2009, 02:37 PM

Darlin", you need to get him some help ASAP - he needs it - BAD

JoAnne Wheeler

nvlady

03-12-2009, 02:40 PM

You probably already know this, but the CD part of him is as much a part of him as his skin color or eye color or hair color(or lack of). The drug use can (and must) be changed. Stopping drugs can only be done by the individual and can actually be quite easy if the person REALLY decides I'm going to do it. The desire for multiple sex partners may simply be the depression he is feeling saying I'm no good, look at all my problems, please leave me because I love you too much to drag you down with me.

donnapink

03-12-2009, 02:50 PM

I think the cross dressing is a minor problem wrapped up in a major problem of Drugs and the desire for other sex partners ( there is no such thing as playing sex without sex).
Your husband needs help which must come from professionals. You need to reach out for advise on how to get help for both of you. . The drug desire is strong and stealing from you or risking your health from un-safe sex is of no consequence. I hope you can get help and I will remember you in my prayers. You need help and I hope your family can provide support. God Speed!

Lorileah

03-12-2009, 03:04 PM

I am going to more blunt than most here

RUN, run like the wind. Do not pass go. It amazes me that everyone here wants you to get HIM help. He is self destructive and you don't need to go down with him. Protect yourself. Your finances cannot support his drug habit and you worry about unsafe sex how about shared needles?

Does he care? Does he want help? You can agonize over this all you want but if he isn't willing to change you will only get in deeper.

Sorry Hun but he isn't doing you any good. And people on here know I usually push to save a relationship. You know what you need to do. That voice inside you is telling you that you are in danger.

Run. If he truly wants to change and really loves you more than he loves the drugs and taking chances, he will stop and get the help he needs. Then if you want to help him work through these demons you can.

But in the meantime take the next thing smokin' to Oakland

JulieC

03-12-2009, 03:13 PM

He says he wants to have other partners, engage in sex play but not necessarily sex. I am not too happy about this because it could open me up to illness and disease because I am not sure if he would be completely safe about it.

... and allowing him to have this multiple partner situation...

Lori, forget the multiple partners thing for now in the very, very least. If there's problems in your marriage, this will only make it FAR worse. Sharing your husband with other people, and him sharing you with others, is a complete recipe for disaster if your marriage has problems. It will fix nothing, and it WILL make things worse.

The only way in which you can do that is if you already have a very stable relationship, absolutely trust each other, and love each other very, very much. If you have that, then it can be a major plus for a marriage (70% of swingers report significant benefits to their marriage in swinging).

The drug use is problematic. I'd get it out of your lives as much as you can, or at least reduce it to pot.

The CDing is separate from both issues, though at times it might seem like it's all tied in. It isn't.

In my opinion, you and he need professional help to pull yourself through this.

DonnaT

03-12-2009, 03:20 PM

We are both out of work

But we're in a tough spot with no income coming in. It's like we're stuck in a time warp.

Where does he get the money to support his drug habit?

If you are on unemployment, it would seem to me that the financial aid/benefits would be barely enough to cover your living expenses. But I don't know the whole story of your living situation.

His seeking other partners, for whatever type of sexual fantasy he may have, is outside the bounds of marriage.

Taking all that into consideration, I suggest taking your friend up on a temporary move. If your DH still loves you, he'll then seek help to rid himself of his drug problems. This is something he has to choose to do, not something you can make him do. Your moving out may be the tipping point he needs to open his eyes to the damage he is doing to your marriage.

Tuff love can be hard, but may be the best for you both.

Your moving out will be no worse for you. You'll have a place to live. You are already out of work. Seems like all you have to keep you home is your DH, but his antics are stressful on you and the marriage.

Staying with him, when he shows no signs of even wanting to change, is not going to get you out of the tuff spot you've found yourself in.

Kelsy

03-12-2009, 03:44 PM

Lori,

You deserve boundries and the situation does not sound good. He needs help and you need support. I hope you get get both. sorry to hear of your troubles. please be safe:straightface:

Kelsy:hugs:

Hope

03-12-2009, 03:59 PM

Wow there is a lot going on here, and almost none of it is CD related. In fact, none of it is CD related.

Let me say this from the outset - I come from a long line of alcoholics, and I understand addiction pretty well.

You are not helping him right now. You are what we call an enabler. You are enabling him to get high, to be pretty horrifically irresponsible, and to avoid treatment for his depression and who knows what else.

With that in mind, I usually don't care how much pot a person smokes, so long as they do not injure others in the process, and they can maintain their various responsibilities to work / family / friends etc. Your husband is not doing that. If one of you is out of work (much less both of you) is out of work, the bong should be the last thing either of you are into. Finding work and preserving your savings should be the focus of your energy, especially in this economy. Clearly that is not his priority.

Let me say this again - drugs Serious problem. Don't understate it. And this is one of those situations where if you think he might be doing something - he has been doing it for a while, you are just beginning to notice.

I would also pretty much assume that he has been having sex with others... I of course don't know that - but I would bet good money that he has been already "playing" with others and he is now trying to get your approval.

Don't let him BS you with the whole "I have depression" "my father died" thing. If he has a legitimate problem with depression, there legitimate therapies for that - drugs and who knows what else administered on his own are not legitimate therapies. Not even close. He is simply using that as an excuse so you won't bother him about lighting up.

If I were you, I would take my friend up on her offer to use her mother-in-law apartment, and start divorce proceedings. Move cash out of a joint account, get anything valuable out of his hands. jewelry, computers, pictures... whatever it is that you would like to see again. Whatever it is you don't want going up his nose. I certainly wouldn't have sex with him again.

You can't force him into treatment, he has to go either on his own, or under a court order. But you can protect yourself, and you don't have to enable to problem to get worse.

I am in complete agreement with LoriLeah on this one. Not only do you need to protect yourself, but you need to stop enabling him to hurt himself.

Alice B

03-12-2009, 04:06 PM

This is beyond serious and you are in danger. Get him help immediately or get out before it is too late. Pot is one thing (which you can not afford), but meth is extremely addictive, costly and leads quickly to crime to pay for the habit. I wish you heart felt luck.:hugs:

DonnaT

03-12-2009, 04:15 PM

If I were you, I would . . . start divorce proceedings. .

A tad extreme, IMHO. Divorce should be a last resort when in a bad situation.

pamela_a

03-12-2009, 04:17 PM

I think Loriliah said it best..Run, run like the wind.. don't stop and don't look back. You are, at best, in an unsafe situation. Take care of yourself first and get out of there. Depending on what's happening the police may be able to place him on a 72 hour hold for medical evaluation if it's serious enough. Even if you don't involve law enforcement you need to get yourself to a safe place now.

-Paula-

Karren H

03-12-2009, 05:34 PM

Miss Lori

03-12-2009, 05:43 PM

All: thanks for all your different viewpoints.

We are going to couples counseling but he is claiming that this marriage will only work if I accept him for who he is and the fact that he wants multiple partners. He says that when he first came out of the closet he was proud and he's no longer proud. He is blaming a lot of this on me. He says he can't feel comfortable cross dressing in our apartment.

The funny part is that he is not very social and does not meet people easily. In fact, I was his second girlfriend in his life (I met him when he was around 33). So he is socially stunted in that way. Because of that I do not believe he's been with other people. He spends most of his free time watching fetish porn on his computer and DVD player.

I am shocked and mortified that he drove his car high on Monday night, as his dad died as a result of being hit by a car (and the driver wasn't even under the influence).

My therapist has advised me to disengage as much as possible. Don't check up on him, don't ask where he is going, don't ask him to call me when he's out, etc. Don't make plans that include him. She says I must do this for my own sanity. It's too bad that he won't willingly go to a program now because he's not working and he has the time.

I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses but I need to find employment again before I move out even to a temporary place. Both he and I make excellent salaries when we're working so it won't be an issue then.

We have always kept our finances separate, with the exception of our retirement accounts, so there's not a lot of that to worry about.

I will be very interested to hear what the couples counselor has to say on Saturday. He's losing us as clients, that's for sure.

Brina Halloween

03-12-2009, 06:14 PM

marriage = commitment between TWO people. It does not include multiple partners in the definition to my knowledge.

Drug habit? Unemployment? My sister lived with a guy for like 5 years...then she came home to almost everything gone. Drugs.

I hope you counseling does something. As stated above, you are an enabler (He is still there) If your trying to change him,,,read some books. Even Reader's Digest has had articles about that. You can't change him, only he can.

From what I read, you have a disaster. He is using his CD habit as yet another enabler excuse.

I would suggest using that in-law suite WITHOUT him until he decides that he wants to change and marriage is actually to you.

My :2c:.

Miss Lori

03-12-2009, 06:55 PM

marriage = commitment between TWO people. It does not include multiple partners in the definition to my knowledge.

When we were dating, and first married, it was my understanding that other people involved him socializing with other CDs. I must have been naive to think that it wasn't just hanging out on the couch drinking glasses of wine (that's seriously what I pictured).

I truly appreciate everyone's concern for me, and my friend has kindly offered up her in law suite to me for any length of time I want.

I will have to think about what I want to do. I would like to see what happens at our session on Saturday with the couples counselor.

I hope that everyone won't worry too much about me, I do not feel like I'm in physical danger. Just danger of a broken heart. :sad:

Someone suggested the book Codependent No More to me, has anyone read it?

Carin

03-12-2009, 08:13 PM

Someone suggested the book Codependent No More to me, has anyone read it?

I was going to recommend this book to you, so I will endorse the recommendation. I have a copy permanently sitting on my coffee table. Start reading it today. In the same vein, I also recommend that you find an Al-Anon meeting and start going. I started going about 8 months ago. It helped me tremendously. Even just to go and grab a handful of the free pamphlets it worth it (find the detachment one).

The drug use, the need for multiple partners, the blaming stuff on you, etc., these are symptoms of a fundamental core (aka hole) that he is trying to fill. Dealing with any particular one is plugging a leaky dam. Until one or more of AA, NA, SLAA and even Al-Anon are a permanent part of his life, expect more of the same. You need the tools to help you to take care of your self, and co-incidentally taking care of yourself is also the best thing you can do for him.

It seems that you have supportive people around you. That is good. I'm in the Bay area too, if you need another understanding listening ear.
:hugs:

Miss Lori

03-12-2009, 08:19 PM

I was going to recommend this book to you, so I will endorse the recommendation. I have a copy permanently sitting on my coffee table. Start reading it today. In the same vein, I also recommend that you find an Al-Anon meeting and start going.

The drug use, the need for multiple partners, the blaming stuff on you, etc., these are symptoms of a fundamental core (aka hole) that he is trying to fill.

I'm in the Bay area too, if you need another understanding listening ear.
:hugs:

Thanks for the input -- I did go to some Al-Anon meetings when DH was grappling with drinking too much. He stopped drinking 6 months ago, but has not done anything about his drug use. In all honesty I didn't get much from the Al-Anon meetings because it seemed like everyone was dealing with alcohol and not any drug usage. And of course no CD.

And I do appreciate knowing there are people in my area who are willing to lend their ear. Since we have no family out here and he truly has no close friends who aren't drug users, I don't know how anyone is ever going to get through to him ... and yes I know it has to be his decision.

It just really sucks to know that someone you really love is putting an addiction ahead of your relationship -- and it is getting destroyed.

Nicki B

03-12-2009, 09:46 PM

He keeps on focusing on me accepting him as a CD and allowing him to have this multiple partner situation, but I think this is a ruse for his underlying anxiety, depression and substance abuse.

The drug use, the need for multiple partners, the blaming stuff on you, etc., these are symptoms of a fundamental core (aka hole) that he is trying to fill. Dealing with any particular one is plugging a leaky dam. Until one or more of AA, NA, SLAA and even Al-Anon are a permanent part of his life, expect more of the same.

:yt:

The drug use, the partners are all symptomatic that something major is lacking in his view of himself? Until the substance abuse is tackled, it's only going to get worse - getting a job won't solve it (in fact getting and holding down a job is highly unlikely now, anyway)?

The only way he'll change is if he reaches rock bottom and realises, for himself, that he has to. Supporting him in any way is only prolonging the agony - both his and yours? :sad:

I think you need to walk away - at least, for now? Certainly don't take any responsibility for any of this?

loren

03-12-2009, 11:05 PM

Lori, this isnt good.Do You and your husband have children?, pleaseif so leave right now with them!.
Crossdressing definitely isnt the issue right now ,the drug addiction is foremost.
You obviously love him very much or you wouldnt be sticking this out and putting up with what he,s doing.But what about what you want, and feel, and how you should be treated and respected?
My son had a drug addiction, and as im sure you know with the addiction comes complete selfishness and disregard for others,its all about theyre needs and wants etc.And it can ,and has certainly wreck everyones lives around them, including theyre own.
The one way you can help him right now,AND in that help yourself also is 'tough love'.
Stop caring for his needs and wants right now, he wont stop while he is being given the support even if it is just emotionally.
And i know we do it through love, but sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind, and i think right now you should be doing just that.
He needs help and he needs it right now.Take a step back Lori and start putting in some 'tough love' for both your sakes.Please keep us posted how things are for you.Take Care,Loren x:hugs:

Miss Lori

03-12-2009, 11:19 PM

I realize that one of things I desperately need is to re-empower myself in this relationship.

Since our couples counselor isn't helping our situation and is just an extra expense right now, I sent him an email to cancel our appointment on Saturday. I also noted that I was not interested in continuing with counseling at this time. I copied my husband on the email and noted to the counselor that my husband is welcome to keep the appointment if he wants to go solo, but the counselor will need to communicate directly with him.

It actually felt pretty good.

Billijo49504

03-12-2009, 11:22 PM

Get a hold of who you have to, and get him comitted to a treatment facility. It might take a court order, but for the best for both ofyou, get him comitted , NOW!!!!! BJ

Miss Lori

03-12-2009, 11:27 PM

docrobbysherry

03-12-2009, 11:35 PM

Your experiences make MY marriage AND divorce seem like a walk in the park!:eek:

U could teach ME about how to get out of your situation!:doh:

I like the way u described your take on the entire matter. U sound like u r taking the rite steps, and have your feet under u!:straightface:

I have a feeling U r going to come out of this OK!:thumbsup:
I wish I felt that way about your SO!:sad:

Hang in there! We ALL feel for u! And hope this difficult situation passes quickly!:hugs:

MissConstrued

03-13-2009, 02:23 AM

Some have mentioned pot. No one locks himself in a room for two days high on wacky tobaccy. Unless it's the pantry.

I want to help him badly but on the other hand he's a grown man and most people have told me his actions are not my responsibility.

They aren't your responsibility. I'm with Lorileah on this one -- head for Oakland. But let him know you'll be there when he decides to get his sh*t together. Call him every day and tell him you miss him. No one successfully quits anything until they decide for themselves it's in their own interest.

Whatever you do, though, there's no reason to involve the law. By the sound of it, neither of you needs that financial strain right now. Getting tangled up in the system is no way to help.

AliceJaneInNewcastle

03-13-2009, 02:54 AM

he is claiming that this marriage will only work if I accept him for who he is and the fact that he wants multiple partners. He says that when he first came out of the closet he was proud and he's no longer proud. He is blaming a lot of this on me. He says he can't feel comfortable cross dressing in our apartment.
This fits precisely with using you as an enabler.

When we were dating, and first married, it was my understanding that other people involved him socializing with other CDs. I must have been naive to think that it wasn't just hanging out on the couch drinking glasses of wine (that's seriously what I pictured).
For some, that is what it's about.

In my case, I go out for "dinner with the girls" almost every Tuesday night. It's a purely social group, dining at a completely public venue including interacting with the general public. Years ago when I was too frightened to go out in public like this, I used to go to private meetings which were essentially a social club that allowed CDs to get together.

There are perfectly reasonable things that groups including CDs can do that don't involve sex.

From my own experience, I don't see any point in pretending that a drug addict is anything but an addict who is going to kill themselves using drugs. From what I've seen, euthanasia is the best (maybe only) solution to drug addiction.

I agree with others here who have said get away from him. As soon as possible. Make sure that he doesn't have the name, address or landline telephone number of where you've gone. If you have a cellphone, it should be the only method of direct contact and you should be prepared to block him or hang up on him if necessary.

Tracii G

03-13-2009, 03:17 AM

Having been where he is now he needs help.Tough love is the only way I got off drugs and thats a fact.
He has to hit rock bottom and know that he is the one to blame for all the misery.
Until the point comes he realizes that rehab is a long shot He has to want to help himself for rehab to be most effective and long lasting.
I would turn him in for his own good.JMO
I hope it works out.

rustynail

03-13-2009, 05:13 AM

Many responders suggest you cut and run. I sense that you are prepared to work at the relationship and take what steps you can. I know it sounds wacky, but there are some alternative therapists who successfully work on people's emotional and physical balance by proxy. I have tried it and had some success, but nothing guaranteed. Talk to a kinesiologist - don't spend a lot at first, just discuss to see if they can help. It is worth a try even if we don't understand how it works. (I can find water pipes using divining rods, only God knows how, but i have saved thousands by doing it)
Good luck

DonnaT

03-13-2009, 07:27 AM

Get a hold of who you have to, and get him comitted to a treatment facility. It might take a court order, but for the best for both ofyou, get him comitted , NOW!!!!! BJ

HOW do I do this? I have no idea.

I want to help him badly but on the other hand he's a grown man and most people have told me his actions are not my responsibility.

I doubt you can do that. You'd have to talk to a psychiatrist and find out the requirements, like proving they are 1)a Danger to self - suicide risk; 2) a Danger to others - homicide risk; or 3) Greviously disabled - unable to care for self on a day to day basis.

Then they probably couldn't hold him for mor than 72 hours without a court order.

So this would only make matters worse.

Moving out is the best option, and stay away until he decides to seek help.

Sharon B.

03-13-2009, 08:32 AM

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he is more than likely having multiple partners in exchange for his drug habit.
CD'ing is one thing and having a drug habit is something else but to some GG CD'ing is the worst thing that could happen to them.
My only problem when I got divorced was that I enjoy crossdressing, no other bad habits other than enjoying feminine attire.
If you can handle the CD thing but not the drugs than I would say run for your life, sooner or later you will have wished you did.

Miss Lori

03-13-2009, 01:38 PM

JulieC, I think some of my posts have been misread, I have no interest in having other partners (aka "swinging"), he does. With either other men who find him attractive when he's dressed, or other men who will CD with him.

Our couples counselor has basically begged me to come in on Saturday but I told him no. I said my husband can go solo if he wants.

Carin

03-13-2009, 05:56 PM

Miss Lori

03-13-2009, 06:35 PM

Hi Lori,

I would like to PM you but you need to have 10 posts in order to send and receive private messages. You have 9 posts.

Are you declining to go to the next Couples Counselor meeting because you do not like the counselor or because your SO is not making an effort?

Here's post 10 for you. :)

I am declining to go for both reasons. The counselor in my opinion has not addressed my husband's verbal abuse, and I truly feel that my husband is just going to placate both the counselor and me. I can tell by the way he responds to the counselor that he is not taking any of the suggestions to change to heart. He keeps on saying he will quit these drugs when he wants, not when someone tells him to quit.

Brina Halloween

03-13-2009, 06:44 PM

Lori,

It is your decision about counseling. If he is not willing to be helped, it is just an extra expense as you stated. Possibly, he makes himself fel better by attending. You apparently have some experience from the support group you mention.

It sounds like several with first-hand experience are just waiting for that 10th post to PM with you.

Good Luck.

JulieC

03-13-2009, 06:48 PM

He keeps on saying he will quit these drugs when he wants, not when someone tells him to quit.

"Yes dear, you do have the right to decide these things for yourself. I also have the right to decide things for myself. I choose to decide not to engage in this relationship until you decide you've had enough of drugs. Fair enough?"

He's being incredibly selfish. And verbal abuse? Lori, this guy has serious, serious issues that require real professional help.

TGMarla

03-13-2009, 07:46 PM

No, I have no experience with CDers that are also addicts, but I'm a CDer, and I know some addicts. Look, I'm sure you love your husband, but he is not stepping up in a situation that requires an extra effort from both of you. Such is life with addicts; the habit owns him, and takes priority over all else that is good in your lives. You may feel an obligation or a devotion to him, but remember that you also have an obligation to yourself. You do not need anchors around your neck that are not of your own making. Perhaps it's time for tough love. But you do not need to sit there and take abuse, especially during times when you are out of work to begin with. The only way out of this is to break the addiction. He may as well kick it while he's out of work. He needs to check into rehab and stay there for a month or so. Break the addiction, and all else will fall into place easier.

Celeste

03-13-2009, 10:14 PM

Hi Lori,I've had my troubles with loved ones and friends being addicted to alcohol and drugs for years,there always has to be a "bottom" and many need to lose everything before the addiction delivers the knock out blow.I would guess that your in round 3 of a long 15 round fight,before you get to the end there will much selfishness and dishonesty before he lies about being at that bottom.Relapse is almost a certainty as this is his first shot at getting clean,he traded alcohol for drugs.

The level of denial he is showing usually indicates a few more years of using and loosing a lot more in your life until he gets it.I'd say if he's still involved with his same using buddies,its not looking to good.Seeing you are not using, you need to make the correct decision and leave before he makes an attempt at liquefying your assets for drug money,he will sell your stuff,its only a matter of when.

StephanieT

03-13-2009, 10:30 PM

I come from a family of drug abuse(alcohol) and co-dependent relationships. Here is my advise.

1. You cannot change him, he must change himself.

2. Run don't walk from this relationship. If he is not willing to change and he is willing to put your health at risk, Run as fast as you can.

3. If he is willing to change and demonstrates the change, not just talk. You could give him a second chance.

JulieC

03-13-2009, 11:21 PM

I think the MtF CD forum is the wrong place for this sort of discussion to be taking place. The CD concerns are a grain of sand on a beach of problems, and the help/assistance needed by this person are beyond the scope of this forum. I recommend the thread be closed.

All respect to the OP, but you need more than this board can provide.

Hope

03-14-2009, 01:49 AM

Miss Lori

03-14-2009, 11:50 AM

Well everyone, it's been a hard week, ever since I caught my husband high as a kite in the garage on Monday night. I can't recall ever seeing him that high and it really frightened me. He is a full foot taller than me. Thank goodness there are security cameras in the garage.

Since that time, he has basically locked himself in the 2nd bedroom and only coming out to use his bathroom. I hadn't seen him all week and we hadn't spoken at all. Last night I came home after going out to dinner with a friend and I told him I had washed and dried his father's old raincoat, which he took after his dad died last month (a huge blow for him). He thanked me but his eyes were so bloodshot. From what I can only guess.

This morning I asked him if he had the scissors because I couldn't find them. He scowled at me and said no quite sarcastically. I left the 2nd bedroom where he is camped out. He slammed the door. Shortly thereafter, he stormed out and has been gone for about half an hour now. I have no idea when he'll be back, but in accordance with my doctor's suggestion, I will not call to ask.

I know that some don't feel this forum is an appropriate venue for this topic, but I only posted here because he is saying that his cross dressing is a very important part of his life and he is not doing it to the extent that he wants. He has also said he feels like he is back in the closet. And he says it's because of my inability to accept him that he cannot feel comfortable with his CDing. What I really needed to know was if this is true, or if blaming me is a cover for other things, such as not wanting to deal with his addictions. (I do not consider CDing an addiction.)