Unaccepting CDR's turning me away [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Sheila

03-12-2009, 03:14 PM

I have just about had it with every recent post in this section having one CDR or another whining about the lack of supporting partner or having a dig at GG's in general .......... this is supposed to be a support site ... granted CDing is a or can be stressful in a relationship, but at the moment almost every thread in here has somebody doing the "poor poor me" bit.

I am rapidly getting to the stage where I will no longer take part in this section of the forum at least for awhile, I know there are Several GG's here who will not even look in here let alone dare post.

I come here to support you all as much as I can .... sure sometimes I am tough but it is because," I DO CARE" ........... and I will defend the rights of your partners to not like it if they don't, Just as I will defend your right to them and the world at large to dress ...... right now I really am ticked off with this section :sad: :sad:

Lisa Golightly

03-12-2009, 03:24 PM

I find it difficult to post here at times... But I will not stop... If I did then it would just be one more lost voice all be it only a Transsexual one... It's been a bit negative of late, Kelly's thread burned brightly like a beacon of hope, but then some of us live for hope. I just shake my head and wander away from the nuclear threads... No-one listens anyway.

I get used to being ignored... It doesn't worry me... It's all virtual isn't it?

JulieC

03-12-2009, 03:29 PM

Sheila,

In every sense that a person can express this without ever having met you and only knowing you through this forum, and of course in the platonic sense...I love you. Yes, I mean it. Think of that in the same sense as expressing love for say, Desmond Tutu for sticking up for what is right.

Reality; most women do not support their husbands CDing. You do (well, soon to be husband). You are a gem, by that alone if nothing else. You are even more of a gem because not only do you support your fiance, but you take time out of your life to reach out to men here and offer them support as well.

I know you were venting, and not looking for a fan club to instantly materialize. But, you've got one here and I think I speak for many (I certainly hope I do in this case!)

Some of us are going to disagree with you at times. I have just recently. That doesn't mean I hold you in any less regard. Far from it.

Many of us come here to complain and rant about the injustice of the world because (a) humans tend to complain more than compliment (b) this is a forum of notionally supportive people and we're likely to find agreeable outlet to voice our frustrations and (c) it's easier to vent to an anonymous text interface than it is in public, since most of us aren't out in public to complain at society.

So, yes, we whine too much at times. Forgive us if we overdo it. It's not intentional in the sense of causing any harm. If I've contributed to that, please accept my apology.

Sarah...

03-12-2009, 03:29 PM

I know there are Several GG's here who will not even look in here let alone dare post.

Yeah. My wife left the forum completely because of this issue. :)

...all be it only a Transsexual one...

Shame on you! Your transsexual voice is as good as any other, my girl! :)

Sarah...

Kelsy

03-12-2009, 03:37 PM

Problem - to many girls here (not gg) think and act like men IMO
sorry Sheila!

Kelsy:sad:

PanteeQueen

03-12-2009, 03:52 PM

I have to agree with JulieC, it is easier to complain than to compliment. Since most of us are closeted, who are we going to talk to, air or complaints or concerns to? However, all the support that my SO gives me I gracously accept and love her even more for it, and I think that we all need to take a minute and send some love to those who do support and love us no matter what!!! And Lisa, every voice counts and your not ignored!!:hugs:

JillHill

03-12-2009, 04:00 PM

Shila, I appreciate your comments and participation in this forum. Although my wife is tolerant, I wish she was as supporative as you. Blessings, Luv, Jill:)

Lorileah

03-12-2009, 04:01 PM

Sheila you know how I feel about all the whining about SO's here. The grass is always greener for most of the gurls (gawd I hate that word)here. As you mentioned on a different thread often the SO being non-supportive is due to the CD wanting 100% acceptance RIGHT NOW. I think that contrary to what most of the CD's think their loved ones are as accepting as possible at that particular time.

I will out myself on this but men in general are big spoiled babies (yes that includes me). If you give them a little they want a little more and so on. I agree that too often the posts are "poor me" but look around and I am seeing many more "My wife is wonderful" posts. Maybe because when I start a post and it says "My wife made me ...." or "My wife doesn't..." I go on and read something else.

I was never a "poor me" CD. I had the advantage of a wife who may not have wanted me to do but she let me be me. Many would say those are rare but I think if you stop and look deep enough they are all over.

Sheila thanks for your support and help in this forum and for your caring of all of us and one CD in particular

:love:

Sheila

03-12-2009, 04:05 PM

thanks folks but this is not just about me, it's about turning many of the GG's away from this side, & I may be wrong but I believe this side of the forum would be a sadder place to be if we were not here:straightface:

There are also CDR's thenselves who are heartily sick of it, I know I have PM's and have had then in the past on the subject from a few.

I apppreciate that airing concerns is a big part of learning but when repeated posts are saying the same thing every day several times a day, it gets old very very fast :sad::sad:

trisha59

03-12-2009, 04:07 PM

Sheila and all you other wonderful GG's:
Please don't stop posting. As I scan through the threads Yours are the only ones I always stop on because you are usually Please take this in the spirit in which it was meant slapping one of us cd'ers upside the head. We need to be yanked back down to the earth when we get a little full of ourselves. Did I say little.....When we get mighty full of ourselves. Your honesty, directness and wit is what makes this forum what it is. I cannot even begin to imagine what this sight would be like if the only members were guys in tights. What you women bring to this forum is priceless.

newcd

03-12-2009, 04:07 PM

I know how it goes i need someone to share this with or i need someone to help lighten the burden or why do girls make fun of me ive heard alot of it thru a few select friends that know about my lil secret but i dont whine about it because sooner or later i will find that girl someone whose open minded and not afraid wehn her man is goin through her clothes lol but dont hate on gg just because of a past experience. but seriously sometimes a gg as a friend is all we need i have 3 that know and they help with my hair makeup and manicure/pedicures. well anyways peace and talk to ya'll laters
:love:mary

JoAnne Wheeler

03-12-2009, 04:22 PM

We CDR LOVE you - you are a great woman - I love you - we are jealous and

envious BECAUSE we wish we had someone like you (and the other GGs who

are members of the Forum - but as has been said - most GGs do not really

want to be married to or involved with a CDR.

JoAnne Wheeler

Deborah Jane

03-12-2009, 04:31 PM

you are a great woman - I love you
JoAnne Wheeler

Ahem.......

Thats my future wife you're talking to there, butt out :tongueout

Kate Simmons

03-12-2009, 04:35 PM

Understood Sheila but don't let it get to you. Your input is needed and valued despite the fact we (as guys) sometimes act like "lead heads". We sink or swim together really.:)

Karren H

03-12-2009, 05:46 PM

Yeah!! I totally understand..... The whinning is really annoying to me and I'm not even a woman!! I just don't even post in those threads... and stick to the happy ones or the ones about makeup or fashion......

JoannaCaroline

03-12-2009, 06:12 PM

I lost it on one of those threads earlier today. I can't take the whining anymore. I'm about to stop participating on this board and 'm TG. I showed this post to my wife tonight and she agreed.

kristinacd55

03-12-2009, 06:18 PM

Yeah!! I totally understand..... The whining is really annoying to me and I'm not even a woman!! I just don't even post in those threads... and stick to the happy ones or the ones about makeup or fashion......

Here, here. I'm for positive, positive, positive, not negative, negative, negative. I get enough of that in my real world! :daydreaming: of positive posts

Areyan

03-12-2009, 06:41 PM

Ahem.......

Thats my future wife you're talking to there, butt out :tongueout

Lol, Deborah, you go! :heehee: I tend to agree with Sheila though about this part of the forum being hard for us GGs to post in at times. I too love my CDing husband and accept him for who he is. I wish he posted here more often but he usually won't post in these threads very often because sometimes the negativity is too loud. :sad: :o

I wanted to say I like to feel accepted here too, not just from the other GGs but from CDers who have my support also. A lot of you are great guys/gurls and although I support you it is my hope that your wives/SOs (or single CDers/TG/TS) can give you/find acceptance and love too! :hugs:

:love:

Akira

Kaz

03-12-2009, 07:22 PM

I am afraid I am in danger of repeating what others have said, but what helps to make this forum really great is the presence of the GGs and it would be a very sad day if they get turned off.

Guess I've been guilty of sounding off recently, but I find it really helpful to be able to read different views that shape my thinking as I learn more about my CDing side. Open discussion and sharing different viewpoints is so important.

Clearly not all of us have accepting partners and for some of us it is a very bumpy ride. I can guarantee we would all love to have partners as accepting as the GGs who contribute to this forum.

Sheila. your contributions are really important, as are those of all the GGs. Hang in there, and don't let the whingers get you down!

:love:

TxKimberly

03-12-2009, 07:30 PM

Ummm . . what did I miss? I can't recall the last time someone was sillly enough to slam GG's here. What triggered this?

Dragster

03-12-2009, 08:19 PM

I haven't seen many posts critical of non-supportive SOs, but perhaps I unconciously filter them out. I don't have a supportive wife myself, and I've posted here many times that I still love her to bits, and have done for almost 43 years; our life is brilliant in so many ways, but could be even better if she'd just be more accepting of my "hobby". I initially came here over 4 years ago to try to find out how best to change her mind, and I've also said many times how I value the input from the GGs, it's really supportive and helps me to see things from her point of view. If you all left this forum, I'd have to find another one where I could tap into your input, so please don't go, you ARE appreciated, especially by this CDer.

Tony

Nicki B

03-12-2009, 08:47 PM

Ummm . . what did I miss? I can't recall the last time someone was sillly enough to slam GG's here. What triggered this?

I'd suggest it's this thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=102742) that broke the camel's back?

Jacky Aikou

03-12-2009, 08:55 PM

Each post by a supportive SO I see warms my heart. Heck, even non-supportive posts by SOs are encouraging, since they're at least willing to talk and share!

Considering how conditioned we are to stick to gender roles, each and every supportive partner out there is more precious than gold. I couldn't accept MYSELF for most of my life, so I can imagine how hard it must be to overcome society's programming for somebody else's sake, even for your own spouse.

I'm not on the forum all that much and haven't really noticed a lot of whining or CDs ganging up on GGs, but if it's there, please forgive them! As incognito as we are in webworld, people are bound to forget their manners and blow off steam. Well, maybe not the true Ladies among us, but you know...

GG input and insight is a big part of what makes this forum so special - it would be tragic if you girls get ticked off and leave.

Please, please, stay! :Pray:

Jess_cd32

03-12-2009, 09:02 PM

thanks folks but this is not just about me, it's about turning many of the GG's away from this side, & I may be wrong but I believe this side of the forum would be a sadder place to be if we were not here:straightface:

Indeed it would Sheila, I for one appreciate hearing from the women here (I hate calling you all GG's BTW)

I know you've offered your help with me and my SO's problems more than once and I appreciated that and still do:hugs: Actually I wish there were more women on this part of the forum offering their points of view. I asked my SO one day would you like to say something:doh: ......what she said the mods would have deleted:heehee:
Don't go anywhere Sheila, we'd miss you if you weren't here.
Just skip the threads that are getting on your nerves for now:love:

TGMarla

03-12-2009, 09:20 PM

Like Kimberly, I'm not sure what I missed.

Anyway, hi Sheila. I don't think we've met. I remember not so long ago when our Deborah Jane was very alone and wondering where this whole "life" thing was going. (Hi Debs! :battingeyelashes:) Then I saw that she finally had a serious significant other going on, and I was very glad. Good to see that she found not just a good woman to be with, but an accepting one at that. I just wanted to finally take the opportunity to say hello and to tell you that any friend of Deb's is a friend of mine, too. So ....Hi there. :D

(I don't remember bashing any GGs...??? :confused:)

Sammy777

03-12-2009, 09:27 PM

I'd suggest it's this thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=102742) that broke the camel's back?

Oh yes, That dreaded "woe is me/us - no one wants me/us" tread.

Ya - Can you say ouch?

But if you read through all of that, even in there, there are upbeat posts. But i'm getting off subject ain't I.

You are right though, there does seem to be a bit of a gray cloud hovering about lately.

Raquel June

03-12-2009, 09:57 PM

I don't think a pissed-off rant that stereotypes all CDs as whiners is helping, either. But hey, let it out, girl! :heehee:

Yes, it's a fact that many CDs complain about their wives. They often feel trapped and don't know what else to say. It can be a real downer seeing so many people use the forum to vent. But as Kimberly pointed out, there's very little overt slamming of GGs as a whole. It's just CDs complaining about their particular situation.

GGs can be annoying, too! It's obnoxious that many of the GGs have page-long signatures bragging about being female at birth. Seems like a real jab at TS/TG people who will never be "real" girls. I don't go starting threads about it just to yell at them, though. I realize that it's important for GGs to know about the FAB forum where they can get away from the crazy CDs instead of just giving up and leaving the forum.

Trust me when I say there's a lot of stuff that CDs say around here that is offensive to other CDs, to TSs, and to everyone else -- not just GGs. Rest assured that I'm a little creeped out by the prominent fetishistic CDs and their threads about pantyhose, their *giggles*, and the bizarre phenomenon of male dick-measuring antics as manifested in bragging about how feminine they are.

As you can see here from Lisa, Deborah, and myself, TS/TG people aren't taking sides with the whiny people. A lot of us are in a pretty lonely place, and to hear CDs talk about not being accepted, well, cry me a f*cking river, sister. If you've got a wife that loves you and she wants you to hang up the skirt now and then, go ahead and fall in line. At least you can take the boobs off and try to be manly if that's what your wife wants. So you're not getting enough "girl time"? Take a big step back and ask yourself if that's even possible. A lot of CDs just keep wanting to take it to the next level no matter how accepting their wives are.

But hey, we've all got issues. I just laugh a little or roll my eyes. Don't let anything on an Internet forum upset you too much.

Mrs. X (gg)

03-12-2009, 10:03 PM

I've seen one or two of those negative post about us GG's. I was about to reply to them but then I felt that it wasn't worth it to try to change the mind set of a whining/pessimistic person or to teach them basic ppl skills for that matter, I just stop reading and ignored them, I focus in the positive ones or those were my thoughts or experiences might benefit the poster.

But I'm glad you post Sheila, I agree with you. Everyone here should be open and willing to learn from other point of views and experiences and to share their own aswell. I believe this is the purpose of this site.

And most important, we should practice patience and respect toward other members of this community, everybody is entitled to their opinion BUT is as simple as to proof read your post to make sure you're not being rude to others.

:hugs:

Tamara Croft

03-12-2009, 11:34 PM

but as has been said - most GGs do not really want to be married to or involved with a CDR.THIS IS THE CRAP DRIVING GG'S AWAY. For the love of God, will you please, SHUT UP constantly saying MOST GG's do not want to be married etc etc... There are over 400 GG's on this forum and the majority of them DO WANT TO BE MARRIED TO THEIR HUSBANDS!!!! I am sick to death of reading your :censor: woe is me :BS: I'm sick of hearing your constant whinging about your wife, when all you do is sit on this bloody forum WHINGING ABOUT HER, instead of spending some time with her... and then you come on here and say WE don't really want our husbands... for crying out loud, GIVE IT A REST :Angry3:

It's no wonder most of the GG's don't post in this section anymore, it's the constant bitching about us that drives us away. And you don't just write one thread about it, you have to write TWO!! WHY????

Anyone else want to piss me off? it's 4.30am... I suggest you don't!!

mannph

03-12-2009, 11:59 PM

I would never turn away a CDR in this forum. Unfortunately for me, my wife does not accept CDs. But, I dress anyway because it makes me feel good. I do not complain about her attitude against CDs, but, her attitude did take me by surprise.

It wouldn't surprise me if this is pretty common.

I always say to myself that somebody has to wear the pantyhose in the family :-).

MissConstrued

03-13-2009, 01:40 AM

I have just about had it with every recent post in this section having one CDR or another whining

Sheila, I've told you a million times not to exaggerate! :D

Sure, there are folks out there who are bound and determined to arise every morning to find someone has pissed in their Post Toasties. Beat 'em up, ignore 'em, whatever.

Do people hate crossdressers? Look down on us? I dunno. I'm too busy beating women off with a stick to worry about it.

AliceJaneInNewcastle

03-13-2009, 02:19 AM

THIS IS THE CRAP DRIVING GG'S AWAY. For the love of God, will you please, SHUT UP constantly saying MOST GG's do not want to be married etc etc... There are over 400 GG's on this forum and the majority of them DO WANT TO BE MARRIED TO THEIR HUSBANDS!!!! I am sick to death of reading your :censor: woe is me :BS: I'm sick of hearing your constant whinging about your wife, when all you do is sit on this bloody forum WHINGING ABOUT HER, instead of spending some time with her... and then you come on here and say WE don't really want our husbands... for crying out loud, GIVE IT A REST :Angry3:

It's no wonder most of the GG's don't post in this section anymore, it's the constant bitching about us that drives us away. And you don't just write one thread about it, you have to write TWO!! WHY????

Anyone else want to piss me off? it's 4.30am... I suggest you don't!!
I don't want to piss you off. I want to congratulate you. I think that what you've said needed to be said.

My wife is not a member of this site, and doesn't seem to have any interest in joining. She is not only accepting and supportive but she actively encourages me, including sharing clothes and making me clothes and jewellery.

So why is she not interested in this site? Well, she had a look at what was accessible to me and saw so much negativity that she didn't want anything to do with it.

Like you, I'm very tired of all the shouting from people who claim that their partners are not accepting and who demean their partners.

I'm out with other CDs virtually every week and active on an Australia/NZ specific site, a beauty products site (almost entirely GGs) and Facebook. From what I'm seeing everywhere but this site about 50% of partners are outright accepting and supportive. Another 30 to 40% are ambivalent or trying to work out how they feel. Rejection accounts for only 10 to 20% of all partners as far as I can see.

Based on that, I now have to assume that we have an extremely vocal minority here who are actually spoiling things for everybody else, including potentially reducing acceptance from GGs who would otherwise be accepting and supportive, and convincing CDs that outright dishonesty (failing to tell their partner) is a reasonable course of action (which it never is).

I've got to the point where I'm so tired of reading the drivel from this vocal minority that I'm tempted to give up on this site. It's only the fact that there are a number of people here whose opinions and perspectives I consider worth reading that keeps me coming back.

So it'd be more accurate to say that "THIS IS THE CRAP DRIVING GG'S AND OUT CD'S AWAY."

Do people hate crossdressers? Look down on us? I dunno. I'm too busy beating women off with a stick to worry about it.
I find that wearing my wedding ring slows them down. Plenty of flirting still, but more manageable. :happy:

Lisa Golightly

03-13-2009, 02:34 AM

Kelli Michelle

03-13-2009, 03:22 AM

Sheila

03-13-2009, 04:11 AM

I don't think a pissed-off rant that stereotypes all CDs as whiners is helping, either. But hey, let it out, girl! :heehee:

Hun it is not a blanket rant at all CDR's but at the hard core few who are continuly bemoaning their partner no matter how accepting they are :doh:

There are also CDR's thenselves who are heartily sick of it, I know I have PM's and have had then in the past on the subject from a few.

I posted that way back in post 9 it is not just the GGs who are tired of this constang battering from those who have accepting SOs (however small that acceptance may be

GGs can be annoying, too!
As you can see here from Lisa, Deborah, and myself, TS/TG people aren't taking sides with the whiny people. A lot of us are in a pretty lonely place, and to hear CDs talk about not being accepted, well, cry me a f*cking river, sister. A lot of CDs just keep wanting to take it to the next level no matter how accepting their wives are.

like u say
A lot of CDs just keep wanting to take it to the next level no matter how accepting their wives are.
and as for G's being annoying just ask Debs how damned annoying I can be :heehee:

It's obnoxious that many of the GGs have page-long signatures bragging about being female at birth. Seems like a real jab at TS/TG people who will never be "real" girls.

I can only speak for myself here, in that my Sig changes to reflect my mood at the time ( sometimes it can change several times a day till I get it to feeling right for now ...... but never ever will it reflect the idea that I do not believe TGirls not to be real girls and I mean ever

As you can see here from Lisa, Deborah, and myself, TS/TG people aren't taking sides with the whiny people. A lot of us are in a pretty lonely place, and to hear CDs talk about not being accepted, well, cry me a f*cking river, sister.
and that is why I started this thread hun, I don't want anybody to get lonlier, I would like for this lonely place to get better, but it won't if we are scaring prospective accepting partners off by consantly whinging about our supportive partners :straightface:

Reality; most women do not support their husbands CDing.

Alice in Newcastle has sone interesting stats there
% of acceptance (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1644706&postcount=32)

I know you were venting, and not looking for a fan club to instantly materialize.

I hope I was not, but rather trying to make a few vocal CDRs realise that they do have it better than a lot of the TG community, but rather to say to then, please try to appreciate what you have instead of scaring us accepting ones away ....... (yup you are right ........... I was not looking for a fan club I got one of those already and very exclusive it is ......... and iI love her to bits :) ( he is not so bad either ;) )

I know there are Several GG's here who will not even look in here let alone dare post.
Yeah. My wife left the forum completely because of this issue.
and that is what I am trying to avoid & hopefully even encourage sone of those GGs who have left to return, as well as encourage those GG's who are looking in as guest to join all of us ... We genuinely do not want to be put on pedastals because we accept, but neither do we want to be bashed nor have other SOs who are not even here, because our acceptance levels may not be what some of you want.:straightface:

To those who have PM'd me (even if it was jsut for clarification on where i was coming from) thankyou to you all. For those who have understood what I was trying to get across with this thread Bless you :hugs:

For the prospective accepting SOs and family members out ther if you got this far come on in we are in general a pretty good happy online family, we fight, we yell, but we hug and kiss and laugh together as well I promise :D

Sheila

03-13-2009, 04:19 AM

I want a piece of this!!! Four hundred ggs here? Fine, that's a drop in the bucket.
The ggs that are on this forum are gonna be more supportive. Any doubts about that? The deal is that the people bitching about their sos or wives, are generally not bitching about the ggs here, why would they? They are bitching about THEIR wives or sos. So don't get offended--they're not speaking of you. Chill, girl!!!

Right I am gonna break the rules here and consecutive post amybody gor a problem with that then PM me OKAY :straightface::straightface::straightface:

Kelli that is why I started this thread ........ becuse they are bitching about their wives and GF and SOs ...... they are in general still GG's and deserve to be defended no matter how low there acceptance level is ...... some of the GGs here are here to find out about how to support their partners in this lifestyle ...... we do not come here already supporting in general........... most of us come here to learn hoe to support their partners and this constant bitching about GGs in general drives quite a few away

400 active GGs ......... should be a hellava lot more & it maybe would be if some of you appreciates what ya got instead of bloody moaning all the time ..... and sometimes ya, some of the damned posters are talking about their partners on here .... so go chill yarself and think about it :doh: now u got me mad again

Sandra

03-13-2009, 06:05 AM

...You come here and moan and groan that your SO doesn't accept or is only partially accpeting and won't let you do this or that. But what a lot of you all seem to think is that everything should be hunky dory, and that your SO should just get on and be a happy person and let you do as you want. Well guess what it don't work like that. A lot of you have lived with this for many years and yet you seem to think that the SO after just finding out, should be all lovey dovey, doesn't she have time to get used to what she's just been told? seems a lot of you think not. As I said a lot of you have had years living with this but what you don't seem to undersrtand is that it can take years for an SO to become comfortable and get her head round it all, but for some they are pushed and pushed and not given the time or support from their partner.

If you want acceptance from your SO or GGs in general then it's you who has to do something about it, instead of being self centered like so many here are and using the woe is me attitude.

Oh and for those that don't know I am an accepting wife, of Nigella who is 24/7.

BeckiB

03-13-2009, 06:38 AM

:whew!: Whew! is it safe to come out yet?

Sandra

03-13-2009, 06:39 AM

:whew!: Whew! is it safe to come out yet?

nope :lol:

Shelly Preston

03-13-2009, 07:27 AM

nope :lol:

Sandra !!!! is it ever safe :eek:

03-13-2009, 08:28 AM

Guess I've been guilty of sounding off recently, but I find it really helpful to be able to read different views that shape my thinking as I learn more about my CDing side. Open discussion and sharing different viewpoints is so important.
:love:

Of course you can sound off...it's is that there are a couple here that make the same ( more or less) whining posts about the same thing...........and NEVER take try any of the suggestions or try to fix the prob..............just more whining....and has it to be all about them:Angry3:

You that moan your partner doesn't accept to the level you think they should:Angry3::Angry3::Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:
this would have never happened if they knew from the get go
do not flame me...I know you did not know yourself/ tryed to push it away , was afraid...yes I get that.....but the point is most partners after getting over the feeling betrayed........try to make it work with whatever they feel comfortable with.........and SOME are not happy with that...........you are upset cause they do not feel comfortable with xyz..........and you had ...what 20- 30 yrs to get to your point and they are supposed to be on the same pg as you.......when everything they thought they knew was not what they thought.

And when we GG's try to tell another poster that is always saying
no none wants us/ every GG left me...........to maybe look at other things in their life..........because besides the 400 here at the forum I am involved with 2 real time so groups....and I have NEVER met anyone that left over cding...........only if there are other issues and it ends up being the straw that broke the camels back...........they do not want to do the work to get relationship back because the other things in the relationship make it overwhelming.

BUT of course don't believe us ( the nay sayers) we only have first hand knowledge on the partner side.Just ignore us as per usual.:sad:

We have alot of GG's esp the new ones that get very upset in this section with all the neg stuff....some want to help....and get frustrated when we feel like we are totally ignored when we are trying to get you to see things from our pov
we are seeing things from your pov....we just want you to hear something from our truth as well.and for the most part....it is more like the back slapping egging each other on with more negative:BS: like the recent...nobody likes us - nobody wants us - everyone thinks that we are some type of gay, weird, sick people its the baggage that we have to live with and its awful Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Samantha B L

03-13-2009, 10:14 AM

I've never been married but I had a very,very close relationship with the same GG girlfreind since 8th grade summer school in 1969. I came out to her in 1982 or 1983 and she was just as supportive as she could be. I would go stay at her apartment and stay dressed for days sometimes. We went on all day shopping trips together. This is just what a great SO she was,not long before she passed away she was going to move into a new house and I was to have my own room with mirrors and a vanity and a big closet. But unfortunately she died in 2005. She had been ill for 5 or 6 years.

Girls,I realize I've posted about all that umpteenth times. I guess my point is that it's better to let your GG or your SO know about your dressing before the relationship has gotten very far. I've never been married but I did have that one very deep relationship and there's no "coffee break" or "smoke break" on marriage or the relationship I had with the person I described. I mean,there's a great deal of commitment in these these things. The relationship is fulltime!

So I think it's better to really get to know your girlfreind before you get married. Some GG's won't accept it. But crossdressing has been an emerging thing in the past couple of decades and there are plenty of ladies who will accept a CD'ing partner.

Then there's this, would any of us accept an f to m wife or partner? There are plenty of them out there. I knew this girl who used to light my cigarettes and hold the door for me. Seriously, I know we'd all be cool about it. But really, get to know your GG girlfreind and let her know about the dressing before you rush into anything.

kellycan27

03-13-2009, 11:46 AM

I too have begun shying away from the negitive threads. I understand that prople need to vent before their head explodes,but it does get a little much sometimes, and other times it just makes me down right sad.

Raquel June

03-13-2009, 12:33 PM

Is there any doubt in your mind that most ggs don't approve of their husbands' cding

...

The ggs that are on this forum are gonna be more supportive. Any doubts about that? The deal is that the people bitching about their sos or wives, are generally not bitching about the ggs here, why would they? They are bitching about THEIR wives or sos. So don't get offended--they're not speaking of you. Chill, girl!!!

That's a good point. But look at it from their side. As you point out the GGs on this forum are the nice supportive ones. And they're outnumbered about 50 to 1 by the CDs. The number of CD complaints has to be a bit overwhelming, even if it's not actually directed at them personally.

Tina B.

03-13-2009, 01:27 PM

I'd suggest it's this thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=102742) that broke the camel's back?

Well Nicki if that is what started this tread I suggest everyone go back and read it again, because I found a lot of us that did not agree with that point of view, and spoke out against it. I am afraid there will always be a lot of negative people where ever you go, but you can't let the negative people win.
Sheila you and many other GG's would be missed, and this place would not be as much fun with out you all, and we would lose a very valuable point of view, if the Real women among us stop standing up and speaking their mind.
Remember most of us emulate women out of love and respect for them.
Please for give those that feel so hurt by life that they can not see the beauty in life.
Tina

And add me to the ones that think Debora Jane is one very lucky lady!!!

beenherelongtime

03-13-2009, 08:39 PM

lot of replies to this post, i must agree with those that say they don't see much slamming of GGs on this forum. i do see a lot of whining about cders' not having the support of a GG, but i dont' see this as a slam, more of disappointment of not having one.

Kelli Michelle

03-13-2009, 10:27 PM

Sheila, I understand what you are saying. I too get tired of it . Pretty much my first few posts and threads, I did some of that. Frankly, I got tired of sounding so whiny, so I try not to do it anymore. I still do advise people when they ask if my wife is accepting or not---not bitching, just facts. If you are just tired of the bitching and moaning, I can understand that.
I actually agree that some ggs that are not accepting should be defended, especially their right to not go along with the cding. Most didn't sign up for any of that.

What I don't understand is why the cdr bitching about their spouses/sos (other than just the bitching and moaning) should affect the ggs out there on this forum. The posters might be whiny people, but again, their comments are not an indictment on all ggs. If they do make those kind of generalized comments, they would be wrong. It sounds like you and some of the other ggs are taking this to heart personally. I guess I don't see why.

Bottom line is that I agree less whining and moaning is in order. I don't think it needs to stop completely. Sometimes one needs to vent----occasionally anyway.

Jess_cd32

03-13-2009, 11:30 PM

Sandra !!!! is it ever safe :eek:

Sometimes it doesn't seem so:heehee:

BTW TY Sandra, your cat avatar licked that spot clean off my monitor:heehee:

Personally I don't like seeing anyone told not to post this or that, if thats whats on their mind so be it, we can avoid the thread or respond to it.
Like I said Sheila, your a little firecracker and can certainly hold your own, and you do, I enjoy seeing you defending the GG's point of view here:hugs:

Do what I do next time you get aggravated by someone, take a deep breath, relax, slowly exhale, then:slap: them.

Nicole Erin

03-14-2009, 02:03 AM

So GG's or CD's complain about their spouses...

Here is some good news -
Most marriages fail regardless of the genders of the people involved. CD just happens to be a convienient excuse in some cases.
Just think - your marriage would probaby have failed either way.

Now, isn't that refreshing to think about? :D

Raquel June

03-14-2009, 02:09 AM

Just think - your marriage would probaby have failed either way.

Now, isn't that refreshing to think about? :D

Whew! Thank God! I feel so much less alone knowing that so many other people are just as miserable! :)

shaun1

03-14-2009, 05:54 AM

my partner is supportive of my cd,ing but wont come near this site due to all the bad vibes.she is happy for me to be here but hates the negativity she sees.we are all different in our own ways and can be annoying at the best of times but to see all the negativity towards anyone on this site whatever your gender saddens me.i was so happy to find this site but the more i visit the more i wonder will it be helpful or harmful to keep coming back.we are all ment to be here as support for each other no matter wether we agree with what is said to us.me and my partner dont always see eye 2 eye as i know i wont with some of you here but i dont hold resentment towards you or my partner infact i value your honesty even if its a slap in the face to me.im rambling now im sorry its just this site help me loads to feel good about myself and that was with everyone here so i get annoyed when i here people have been offended or hurt.i hope all the ggs dont leave and stay honest with there advise wether we like it or not.im sorry if i offend anyone on here or in life i mean no harm let all just get along and try to be FRIENDS PLEASE

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE , THE PRETTY THINGS COST A FORTUNE

jayelle

03-14-2009, 07:15 PM

Trust me when I say there's a lot of stuff that CDs say around here that is offensive to other CDs, to TSs, and to everyone else -- not just GGs. Rest assured that I'm a little creeped out by the prominent fetishistic CDs and their threads about pantyhose, their *giggles*, and the bizarre phenomenon of male dick-measuring antics as manifested in bragging about how feminine they are.

As you can see here from Lisa, Deborah, and myself, TS/TG people aren't taking sides with the whiny people. A lot of us are in a pretty lonely place, and to hear CDs talk about not being accepted, well, cry me a f*cking river, sister. If you've got a wife that loves you and she wants you to hang up the skirt now and then, go ahead and fall in line. At least you can take the boobs off and try to be manly if that's what your wife wants. So you're not getting enough "girl time"? Take a big step back and ask yourself if that's even possible. A lot of CDs just keep wanting to take it to the next level no matter how accepting their wives are.

A good post. I've been a member for a while here, but I don't post much. But I've learned a lot.

I've learned that the term CD covers a huge range of people with completely different views of what CDing is. As with racquel937, I have difficulty understanding the "girliness" of many exchanges here. Me, I'm a bloke in a skirt. And very happy that way.

So it's a broad church. Which is fine. What I find harder to deal with is the degree of self-obsession of some posters. Basically, racquel937 says all that needs to be said about dealing with your SO. There is absolutely no reason on earth why your SO should accept your CDing. Ever. Count yourself very lucky if she does. And don't assume she always will.

Threads where people ask for advice (for example if their SO reacts extremely badly to finding out about CDing and walks out) are great. That's what this forum is all about.

But moaning because your SO won't accept your CDing says much more about you than your SO.

sometimes_miss

03-15-2009, 02:04 AM

I too sometimes get bored on this site when I see a real question, and then the answers all tail off into "I do this... I do that." So I tried the question of what GGs' think of CDs against the reality test - I Googled it.

And I found that over half the real girls on Yahoo Answers and the Lots of Fish dating site said they had no problems with it, while just one or two said "must be sick" or "burn in hell".

However, of those who said they'd be quite accepting, most added the riders: He must be honest about it from the moment we start dating, and he mustn't borrow my clothes. Nothing there that we haven't all been saying for years.

My conclusion: if you find that all the GGs you meet hate you, don't blame it on crossdressing. Perhaps you have BO? Perhaps you come over as aggressive against women? Perhaps you bore them by always going on about how GGs hate you?

Alright, I call foul on that one. First, it's not that they hate us. It's that it's something that prevents them from being attracted to us. It's 'NIMBY'; crossdressers are fine, just not for her is the predominant feeling. If you look on the POF forum posts where CD'ing is mentioned, the very vast majority of women don't hammer us, but politely say that they aren't interested. So 'fess up, Katie, and list all these sites where we can find those CD interested women. It's easy; just use the globe with the clip attachment to give us links to those sites. That's all we ask.

GG's who are here, let's face it, you're not representative of the general female population any more than the Cd'ers are representative of the general male population; we're both tiny subsets, and when you count up all the CD'ers who are without partners, the numbers are self explanatory. Don't believe me? Go to the 'date a crossdresser' website and count the number of GG's on it (going to be difficult, because most of the guys list themselves as women, so you'll have to read the ad to determine whether you are talking to an actual genetic female, but once you start reading, it's really easy to figure out). Then try to contact one. If there really were lots of women interested in dating crossdressers, there would be obvious places to find them. There are not. It's very easy for an accepting GG to say that there are others out there; but without clear and defined suggestions of where to find them, that opinion is pretty much useless. Sure, about one out of a hundred women might date me. Does that mean that I have to be 'out', dressed en femme, and approach at least one hundred women to even have a chance to get a bite?

Oh, and the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

Raquel June

03-15-2009, 05:11 AM

Alright, I call foul on that one. First, it's not that they hate us. It's that it's something that prevents them from being attracted to us.

I agree with everything you're saying. I just thought I'd let it slide. But this particular comment:

And I found that over half the real girls on Yahoo Answers and the Lots of Fish dating site said they had no problems with it.

I guess it depends on what you mean by "had no problems with it," but I guarantee that a solid 95% of the "real girls" at plentyoffish.com (I assume that's what you meant, since lotsoffish.com is a Canadian fishing site) have absolutely no interest in dating a crossdresser.

I had an account on plentyoffish several years ago. I only made the profile so I could look around (it's a free site, but you have to make a profile to use it). I immediately started getting tons of emails from women -- more than one with "NASCAR" in her screen name. Most of those women are religious, divorced, and have a couple kids. Even if you find someone that's OK with crossdressing, she would probably be terrified of her friends finding out or her kids catching mommy's boyfriend in her clothes.

Sheila

03-15-2009, 06:06 AM

was not about how many accepting GG's there are (or are not), but about the cdr's who have partners who accept as much as they are able and the fact that there are several (and I mean several, not just one) who have continually posted in threads recently about how unaccepting their partners are. Chances are that their partners will not be members here, especially if they are of the "know but do not want to see group" & so are unable to refute those posts, some of them who do particapte in some form or another may well log on to the site and view as a guest, how hurtful some of those comments must be to them

Georgia Rose

03-15-2009, 06:14 AM

I work with a lot of males & females. The females can be bitchy but its the guys who are the whingers. So your SO etc doesn't like you crossdressing. Guess what my wife doesn't like football, motor racing, surfing, the fact that I can be away from home often for work and a whole lot of others things I like to do. Is that a drag on my life? No. We just get on with it.
I'm probably lucky that she accepts my CDing and is quite supportive. But unless she was extremely opposed to it, I'd just keep doing it anyway. When I look at the number of posts some people who complain about their SOs make they are obviously not spending the required time to keep their SO happy & contented in all the other ways you need to in a marriage/relationship.

To all those GGs & others who contribute, don't let a bit of negativity put you off. Just ignore them! Your contributions are valued:drink:

mklinden2010

03-15-2009, 06:41 AM

Sheila,

I do get tired of reading about how "lucky" someone is to have a supporting SO.

Look, folks, YOU pick these people to spend your time with - and you can "unpick" them too.

Make your own damn happiness.

Beth Wilde

03-15-2009, 06:49 AM

Maybe a different point of view but here goes......
I am a gay TV and have had accepting partners in the past (single now), some of them have visited the advice sections on here and found the contributions from all parties helpful. Speaking personally, I find a lot of the GG contributions fascinating and am grateful for their presence here. I know some people whinge about their partners and others but a lot of people are just like that, no idea why.....Support from your partner is a lovely thing but if they don't like it, then they don't like it, moaning makes no difference, just annoys those who do help on here.

sometimes_miss

03-15-2009, 10:56 AM

Katie B wrote:

Look, I'm aged 62 and I'm married. You think I'm going to tell you kids how to find a girlfriend? You do your own trawling! I just know:

* I have had great interest shown by at least a dozen women
* Most of the contributors to this site are married or in a stable hetero relationship
* Two minutes' research on Google reveals women who aren't at all bothered if their boyfriend cross-dresses
* Any CD gathering will reveal scores of couples.

Conclusion: The theory "GGs do not like crossdressers" is false.

A couple of things here. You're married; you're 'safe to flirt with'. No one has to follow up on what they say. It's easy to tell a person how sexy and desirable they are when you don't have to 'put up or shut up'. I can't be sure that is what is happening, but it happens all the time in the normal straight world. I can't count the number of times a married person told an unattractive single one, 'I'd be all over you in a minute if I weren't married', but it's been in the thousands.

You also conveniently avoid listing all those wonderful sites you say exist, other than lotsofish. Not being Canadian, I'm not sure if I am allowed onto that site, but I will try anyway, and also await hearing all the success stories from my Canadian crossdressing brothers.

Most of the people here are married and in stable heterosexual relationships? Where do I find the statistics? I'm just curious. Any of the forum moderators here have that information available? Please?

The posts I read on answers.yahoo weren't women who are interested in dating crossdressers, or maybe I just found the wrong ones. The only interested posts I see are of TG girls, not real girls, who are looking for crossdressers.

Again, Katie, link me to your findings please. You're married, you are no longer 'looking', is it really too much to ask to share the secrets of where all these single crossdresser interested women are?

Sheila

03-15-2009, 11:04 AM

A reminder what the original post was about

I have just about had it with every recent post in this section having one CDR or another whining about the lack of supporting partner or having a dig at GG's in general .......... this is supposed to be a support site ... granted CDing is a or can be stressful in a relationship, but at the moment almost every thread in here has somebody doing the "poor poor me" bit.

I am rapidly getting to the stage where I will no longer take part in this section of the forum at least for awhile, I know there are Several GG's here who will not even look in here let alone dare post.

I come here to support you all as much as I can .... sure sometimes I am tough but it is because," I DO CARE" ........... and I will defend the rights of your partners to not like it if they don't, Just as I will defend your right to them and the world at large to dress ...... right now I really am ticked off with this section :sad: :sad:

PLEASE CAN WE KEEP THIS THREAD ON TOPIC?

Lisa Golightly

03-15-2009, 11:10 AM

lol... Sheila... You have 6,000 posts and you've been here a couple of years... What are you expecting? Hmmmmm?

Kayla Shadows

03-15-2009, 12:14 PM

and as for G's being annoying just ask Debs how damned annoying I can be :heehee:

lol,you are so cute

You that moan your partner doesn't accept to the level you think they should:Angry3::Angry3::Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:
this would have never happened if they knew from the get go

I agree.If they dont know from the start,the level we need to be ourselves might not come.If they didnt know,now it is their comfort level that has to be important and understood.We create our own situations and cant really be upset at the circumstances.We did it to ourselves after all.

Things have changed with how I live my life and I cant be someone else.I have to be honest with myself first and understand what I need.If I cant live up to what is expected of me,then I cant be with that person.They will know who I am first though and have to decide if that is something they can live with.I would rather be alone and me myself than be with someone and have to be someone Im not.This is what I need and I will bare my lonliness until that day arrives.

I do understand the point of this post.I dont like to see it either Sheila.Im just happy that there ARE GG's who are accepting.In whatever number,they are still out there and Im thankful for that.Just the other day I had a GG contact me on another site to know is she was ok because she felt this way.It was sooo cute,lol.People will be surprized when you just put yourself out there as yourself and see what happens.Thats what Im trying to do.Just yesterday I made a new friend on my male mode site.Came out to her right away and all she said was,"we both bleed red,right?".She knew nothing about us but was willing sit there for a long time and understand.

Raquel June

03-15-2009, 03:21 PM

In the end, we just need to realize what's fair. GGs aren't generally attracted to CDs, and you can't blame the GGs for that anymore than you can blame gay guys for not being attracted to GGs. Not that I'm saying CDs are gay, so maybe that's a bad comparison. Anyway, GGs shouldn't be lied to, and they should certainly be thanked for putting up with a lot of CD's antics, but at the same time a lot of CD's get quite frustrated because of their trouble in relationships. Then a few of them start venting, then a few more want to vent. Eventually you it gets pretty anti-GG looking. But it's really just frustration with themselves. It wouldn't be an issue to begin with if they didn't love GGs.

was not about how many accepting GG's there are (or are not), but about the cdr's who have partners who accept as much as they are able and the fact that there are several (and I mean several, not just one) who have continually posted in threads recently about how unaccepting their partners are.

If you take an honest look at threads on this forum, you'll see that most threads complaining about GGs are just venting about specific situations, though, and as a general policy GGs as a whole are defended almost without fail.

Yes, GGs here are accepting for the most part, but that is not the case for the general population. Look at a few sites like http://www.crossdresserswives.com/, which is run by an extremely angry, bitter woman under the guise of "raising awareness" and various other friendly intentions. BTW, I was banned from this forum for a week for starting a thread about that site, so I won't say any more.

RACQUEL : you "guarantee that a solid 95% of the 'real girls' at plentyoffish.com (I assume that's what you meant, since lotsoffish.com is a Canadian fishing site) have absolutely no interest in dating a crossdresser."

If I say lotsoffish.com it's because I mean lotsoffish.com. It came up on page 1 of Google So it's Canadian? There are other countries than the USA you know, and so far I've not seen any of the whingers say "American women don't etc...".

And in any case can you "guarantee that a solid 95% ... have absolutely no interest in dating a crossdresser." Have you counted? Have you done the arithmetic? I did.

Have you lost your mind? Go to lotsoffish.com (http://www.lotsoffish.com/)! It's not a dating site! It's a Canadian fishing site! Are you honestly trying to argue about this? It's a guy's personal site with pictures of people fishing in Ontario!

And yes, I can guarantee 95% of women on dating sites are not looking for crossdressers. Why don't you personally email a few? Or just look at what they list as interests. How exactly did you "do the arithmetic"? You're married. When was the last time you actually tried to meet women romantically?

Don't you realize why most crossdressers are in the closet? Do you think they're just bad people who like to lie to their wives? The reason they weren't up-front with their SO is because they knew their SO wouldn't have been interested in them if they knew they were CDs. And you will also find many people here who got divorced when their wives found out. And don't say it's because they were lying -- there are a lot of lies that aren't going to lead directly to a divorce. It's because the women don't want to be with crossdressers. And I'm not blaming the women, either -- I know it's not fair to them being put in that situation. It is what it is. But let's look at reality.

A couple of things here. You're married; you're 'safe to flirt with'. No one has to follow up on what they say. It's easy to tell a person how sexy and desirable they are when you don't have to 'put up or shut up'.

This is absolutely correct. I have had several extremely attractive women give me their phone numbers. Two weeks ago two bartenders who are the Wild Turkey representatives for central Ohio gave me their numbers, gave me some free shirts, treated me like their best friend for the evening, and one was also some kind of cosmetics rep and wants to send me samples. They were absolutely the hottest women in the club I was at. The weekend before that an extremely nice, attractive woman was just gushing about how nice I was and how she wanted to hang out. Are these women interested in dating me? Hell no! They like me the same way they like their gay male friends. I'm safe, I'm kinda interesting, and they can obviously be themselves without any judgment from me.

Of course, those particular women are not people I would have a chance with just because they're significantly more attractive than I am. But still, being TG doesn't help.

MissConstrued

03-15-2009, 03:25 PM

The posts I read on answers.yahoo weren't women who are interested in dating crossdressers, or maybe I just found the wrong ones.

..............

is it really too much to ask to share the secrets of where all these single crossdresser interested women are?

Yes, you did find the wrong ones. I suspect part of the reason for your problem is that you're looking at what a few obnoxious people on the internet have to say, rather than getting out there in the real world and meeting new friends. Hang around some "weird" people. I have friends who consider me "normal" or "vanilla," if that tells you anything. You can find little cliques like that in any town.

Where are the interested women? There was one in a hotel room with me last night... at a sci-fi convention. :o Two more women I've f--,er, well... were also there. (Not the room -- the convention... too bad... maybe next time!)

I should point out that none of these women would say they're specifically looking for a guy who cross-dresses. They would all say it depends on the guy. This is important -- pay attention! How many gals would say they're looking for a coin collector or a NASCAR fan or a model railroader? Hobbies are incidental to the person you are. If you're charming, witty, confident, and comfortable in your own skin, women will notice.

I'll probably say this until I'm blue in the face -- you're alone because you're shy, or ashamed of who you are. Your skirt collection doesn't have a f*ckin' thing to do with it.

I have had several extremely attractive women give me their phone numbers.

Are these women interested in dating me? Hell no!

Did you ever actually call them? Make the effort? Your little quip about "not having a chance with them" because they're "too attractive" tips me off that you're your own worst enemy. Change your attitude to "what woman wouldn't want me?" and watch what happens.

Girls do often times give out phone numbers with no intention of taking it any farther, though. That can happen to any guy for any number of reasons -- or no reason at all.

In all fairness, however, I could be barking up the wrong tree. Your situation is not the same as mine. I'm just an ordinary guy, in drag sometimes.

JoannaCaroline

03-15-2009, 05:48 PM

Yes, you did find the wrong ones. I suspect part of the reason for your problem is that you're looking at what a few obnoxious people on the internet have to say, rather than getting out there in the real world and meeting new friends. Hang around some "weird" people. I have friends who consider me "normal" or "vanilla," if that tells you anything. You can find little cliques like that in any town.

Where are the interested women? There was one in a hotel room with me last night... at a sci-fi convention. :o Two more women I've f--,er, well... were also there. (Not the room -- the convention... too bad... maybe next time!)

I should point out that none of these women would say they're specifically looking for a guy who cross-dresses. They would all say it depends on the guy. This is important -- pay attention! How many gals would say they're looking for a coin collector or a NASCAR fan or a model railroader? Hobbies are incidental to the person you are. If you're charming, witty, confident, and comfortable in your own skin, women will notice.

I'll probably say this until I'm blue in the face -- you're alone because you're shy, or ashamed of who you are. Your skirt collection doesn't have a f*ckin' thing to do with it.

Did you ever actually call them? Make the effort? Your little quip about "not having a chance with them" because they're "too attractive" tips me off that you're your own worst enemy. Change your attitude to "what woman wouldn't want me?" and watch what happens.

Girls do often times give out phone numbers with no intention of taking it any farther, though. That can happen to any guy for any number of reasons -- or no reason at all.

In all fairness, however, I could be barking up the wrong tree. Your situation is not the same as mine. I'm just an ordinary guy, in drag sometimes.

I don't think I've told you this but I like your attitude. I don't agree with you 100% but its pretty close. Thank you. You keep saving me a lotta time on my rants by saying it first!

Pink Person

03-15-2009, 08:55 PM

We live in a stratified world. Normal men outrank us because we are feminine. Normal women outrank us because we are less feminine than them. I suspect that many of the GGs on this site get angry at some of the things they read because of the conscious and subconscious superiority they attach to themselves and to other people who are most like them. How dare a social inferior criticize a social superior? It’s outrageous, of course. All humans are prone to such thoughts, for one reason or another.

I am most sympathetic to the people who are most like me. That includes everyone who is a member of this site. I don’t agree with everything I read, but I am not willing to resort to emotional blackmail to get other people to say the things that I want them to say.

JulieK1980

03-15-2009, 10:07 PM

Yes, you did find the wrong ones. I suspect part of the reason for your problem is that you're looking at what a few obnoxious people on the internet have to say, rather than getting out there in the real world and meeting new friends. Hang around some "weird" people. I have friends who consider me "normal" or "vanilla," if that tells you anything. You can find little cliques like that in any town.

Where are the interested women? There was one in a hotel room with me last night... at a sci-fi convention. :o Two more women I've f--,er, well... were also there. (Not the room -- the convention... too bad... maybe next time!)

I should point out that none of these women would say they're specifically looking for a guy who cross-dresses. They would all say it depends on the guy. This is important -- pay attention! How many gals would say they're looking for a coin collector or a NASCAR fan or a model railroader? Hobbies are incidental to the person you are. If you're charming, witty, confident, and comfortable in your own skin, women will notice.

I'll probably say this until I'm blue in the face -- you're alone because you're shy, or ashamed of who you are. Your skirt collection doesn't have a f*ckin' thing to do with it.

Did you ever actually call them? Make the effort? Your little quip about "not having a chance with them" because they're "too attractive" tips me off that you're your own worst enemy. Change your attitude to "what woman wouldn't want me?" and watch what happens.

Girls do often times give out phone numbers with no intention of taking it any farther, though. That can happen to any guy for any number of reasons -- or no reason at all.

In all fairness, however, I could be barking up the wrong tree. Your situation is not the same as mine. I'm just an ordinary guy, in drag sometimes.

This post is exactly my thoughts on this. Well said!

docrobbysherry

03-15-2009, 10:57 PM

Try and follow my logic, all u ANGRY FOLKS out there!:Angry3:

1. I believe this site is here to "Support CDs". Not GGs, or CD's SO'S. Am I rite?

2. MOST of the CDs here are GMs, ( more or less). Am I rite?

2. MANY of the "whiners" here r married, or involved in long term relationships. Statistically, most marriages either end in divorce, or become BAD MARRIAGES. Just two unhappy folks sharing the same house. Many "unhappy" posters here, r frustrated with the state of their unhappy partnership! Once again, CDing takes the rap! When, in fact, their partnerships wouldn't be very good, even if CDing never became an issue!

4. GMs r historically reluctant to discussing their feelings with friends AND SO'S! This forum gives them a place where they can both safely blow off steam AND possibly get helpful advise! I feel I can SAFELY say things here I could NEVER tell ANYONE I know, personally!

It's been said here, that CDing is the "straw that broke the back".
In cases of BAD marriages, I'm SURE that's tru.
If a CD had a GOOD marriage, he should feel free to discuss ANY ASPECT of himself with his SO. AND, SHE would be OPEN to hearing it, even ENCOURAGING his honesty!
In a marriage like that, the partners would most likely find away to make CDing the CHERRY ON THE CAKE!

How many of u have marriages like that? HMMM? :brolleyes:

Sheila, u and DJ r NOW in the "honeymoon" phase of your relationship. Will u BOTH still feel the same about each other in 5 years? I REALLY HOPE SO!! But, the STATISTICS r against u!

As far as the "negativity" of some thread posters, aren't u ALL FORGETTING SOMETHING?
Even the most negative thread will bring POSITIVE, HELPFUL responses from other members!
WHETHER OR NOT THOSE REMARKS HELP THE POSTER IS IRRELEVENT!
Because there r 1000's of OTHER MEMBERS that mite read that advice and find help for themselves!

I'm long removed from my "bad" marriage! But, I remember I was SO HAPPY to be able to vent to my therapist back then! I could have REALLY used this site instead! And I would have saved lots of $$$ also!

Areyan

03-15-2009, 11:34 PM

Try and follow my logic, all u ANGRY FOLKS out there!:Angry3:

1. I believe this site is here to "Support CDs". Not GGs, or CD's SO'S. Am I rite?

Actually, Sherry you are wrong. I'll copy and paste this just so you don't miss it on the main page.

*** Welcome to Crossdressers.Com ***
*** The #1 Community for Crossdressers, the Transgendered, Transsexuals, their Loved Ones and Friends ***

Crossdressers.Com was created in February 2004 by the owner ‘Admin’ and his Tech Team.
We are a dedicated forum for the transgendered, their family and friends.

Family and friends I believe, includes GGs and SOs. I'm so sick of this attitude that we're nowhere near as important as the TGs here are. I've already posted once in this thread, and this post too will be ignored as the other was, unless of course, I point out that I agree with Sheila AGAIN about you whiny, annoying unnaccepting CDers. :Angry3: CDing is not just about the men who are doing it, there are women here who are FtM CDs and plenty of supporting/learning SO's and wives here too. CDing quite often comes out within a marriage or relationship which then makes it an issue or non-issue for both partners. A lot of you seem to have forgotten that. And I'm not going to visit the issue of single CDers, I'm an accepting/supportive wife so can only speak about it from my own perspective.

For all you CDs/TGs/Gurls here who have supported Sheila's OP and find us SO's valuable here on the site, big hugs. :hugs::love: Thank you again for your acceptance and support, it's nice to know there are a few here who are open and accepting folks too.

:hugs:

Akira

Satrana

03-16-2009, 12:06 AM

4. GMs r historically reluctant to discussing their feelings with friends AND SO'S! This forum gives them a place where they can both safely blow off steam AND possibly get helpful advise! I feel I can SAFELY say things here I could NEVER tell ANYONE I know, personally!

I'm long removed from my "bad" marriage! But, I remember I was SO HAPPY to be able to vent to my therapist back then! I could have REALLY used this site instead! And I would have saved lots of $$$ also!

Well said! Gosh this is a weird thread. People whining about people who whine, or then whine about being called whiners.....it is just one big whining circle. Yes this is a support site - you EXPECT to find people venting their frustrations here , this is one of the main purposes of the site's existence. Turning this into a "them against us" war is about as stupid as you can get since it is the antithesis of what a support site is about.

One point here - almost all the CDs do their venting out in this public forum while GGs do their's in their private forum. Both sides whine about each other's behaviors equally. So lets stop declaring the end of the world is coming and get back to being supportive and understanding, giving space and helpful advice to those who have unhappy personal circumstances.:love:

ReineD

03-16-2009, 01:42 AM

I won't discuss whether most women want to date CDers or not. This was not the original topic. Satrana, as you say it is more about the whining.

I agree, this is a place where people can vent and get support. And hopefully an informative discussion will take place, the posters will learn something, and they will eventually be able to support others. If an occasional vent here does not provide solutions or if the poster is unable to hear or apply the solutions to his or her life, then perhaps he or she needs to find additional, professional support. Most of us aren't therapists and we are in no measure to be able to help someone who is consistently angry or negative.

Some members here continuously spew out their anger and habitually post very negative comments about their GG SOs or their CDing partners (who are not here to defend themselves), or they paint GGs or CDers with the same unfavorable broad brush. It does get tiresome after awhile .. not to read the occasional, well deserved vent or issue, but to read them continuously emanating from the same people, who do not seem interested in seeking solutions for themselves. These posters do not use this site for support. In fact, they have quite the reverse effect on newcomers because they use the site primarily as an outlet for their anger. And in the process, they may inadvertently influence others who are bored or who are looking for reasons to jump on the bandwagon. Lots of people get off on the drama. Maybe they have nothing better to do. I've seen this happen over and over again.

I do agree that giving these negative posters undue attention only serves to fuel the fire.

Yes, it is true the GGs have a place to vent and sort through their issues in private, but don't the GMs have their own private section? Most of the GGs here wish to try to resolve their issues privately first before addressing them with their SOs, in the hopes of gaining some understanding first from the more experienced GGs so their conversations with their husbands might go smoother. Out of respect for their SOs and other CDers, they do not as a rule continuously air out all their anger, disappointments, or frustrations out in public. It is true this has happened occasionally but the GG who seemingly could not get over hurtful events in her own life was met with less than tolerance from many of the CDers too. This was natural, as people do get tired of reading the same, habitually negative posts from someone, no matter the topic.

I also would like to see this forum return to a spirit of support.

Tamara Croft

03-16-2009, 02:41 AM

One point here - almost all the CDs do their venting out in this public forum while GGs do their's in their private forum.And just how would you know what we do in our private section eh? Probably a stupid question, seeing as you would already know the answer :Angry3:

1. I believe this site is here to "Support CDs". Not GGs, or CD's SO'S. Am I rite?As for this comment, well I've seen you write some stupid things on this forum, including your most recent deleted one, but saying this forum is just for CD support? What part of the banner did you not read? This forum is for EVERYONE not just CD's, so you're not right, you're just ignorant :Angry3:

Satrana

03-16-2009, 02:50 AM

Lots of people get off on the drama. Maybe they have nothing better to do. I've seen this happen over and over again. I do agree that giving these negative posters undue attention only serves to fuel the fire.
Yes that is really the whole point. We are all adults here and once we have been hanging around for a while it is not difficult to spot those individuals who have big chips on their shoulders. We can choose to ignore them or gently try to correct erroneous assumptions but to use their anger to advocate a gender war is unhelpful.

but don't the GMs have their own private section? Yes but it is a dead place. Days can go by without a single new post. GMs are not interested in having a private space.

Most of the GGs here wish to try to resolve their issues privately And there lies a fundamental difference. Having being in the closet for a lifetime, CDs are bursting to get their feelings, thoughts and behaviors out in public. It allows us to get into a feminine mindset without needing to get dressed. It allows our femininity to be validated by others. It is the written equivalent of going out in public and passing. This is why the private forum is not used - CDs want to be seen and heard and have our thoughts shared by everyone without the need to invoke secrecy.

I know many threads are silly, stupid, irrelevant, fantasizing and sometimes disturbing. That is what happens when members take the opportunity to dump a lifetime's secret thoughts into a safe environment. This will not change until society accepts CDing and the next generation of males do not enter a closeted existence. Until then you have to take the rough with the smooth and accept the excesses including angry and bitter statements derived from personal circumstances.

I also would like to see this forum return to a spirit of support.:hugs::hugs::hugs:

ReineD

03-16-2009, 03:30 AM

Having being in the closet for a lifetime, CDs are bursting to get their feelings, thoughts and behaviors out in public. It allows us to get into a feminine mindset without needing to get dressed. It allows our femininity to be validated by others. It is the written equivalent of going out in public and passing. This is why the private forum is not used - CDs want to be seen and heard and have our thoughts shared by everyone without the need to invoke secrecy.

I know many threads are silly, stupid, irrelevant, fantasizing and sometimes disturbing. That is what happens when members take the opportunity to dump a lifetime's secret thoughts into a safe environment. This will not change until society accepts CDing and the next generation of males do not enter a closeted existence. Until then you have to take the rough with the smooth and accept the excesses including angry and bitter statements derived from personal circumstances.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

I thoroughly understand the forum being an outlet for repressed femininity. And I also understand the need to express fantasies. But I do have a problem when it turns into a habitual vilification, even if the CDer's or the GG's personal circumstances are or were unhappy.

I use my own circumstances as an example. Last August I suffered the greatest loss of my entire life, through means that I considered less than fair. I won't get into the details now. But I did not come here and paint all men as being the villain I then saw my ex as. Some members here with non-accepting wives will constantly say that no GGs are accepting, and they do help to portray a hopeless scenario to the newcomers (CDs and GGs alike) that is simply not true.

I believe this is what the OP was concerned about.

Raquel June

03-16-2009, 04:42 AM

Did you ever actually call them?

Of the last four women who asked for my number, only two of them gave me theirs. I texted each of them a few days later and never got a response from either. I do try to have a good attitude, but I don't want to be a stalker. I suppose I have lost some self-confidence and not gone out much lately.

Oh dear, Racquel, I really don't want to pursue this.

Oh, you don't have to pursue it. It'd just be nice if you cleared up that rude comment about lotsoffish.com.

Oddly enough, I Googled the same thing you say that you did, "Do women accept crossdressers?" and my results were different. The first page from a dating site was this:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/8803312datingPostpage2.aspx

100% of the responses on that page are either negative or non-committal. Some women say there's nothing wrong with it, but none ever said they would dream of actually dating a crossdresser. To briefly sum it up:

- They intrigue me but not to the point I want to have a relationship with a cross-dresser.
- I personally don't want a cross dressing man.. Good luck OP
- I'm not sure it's something I could tolerate in a relationship because I want to be the girl.
- No, I wouldn't date you but sure would like to be your friend.
- don't pick on me because I'm not into it.
- I would have a problem with it.
- I could never justify dating someone that I could not take home to my Momma (who might be prettier than me).
- After I recovered from having a heart attack I'd end the relationship.
- For me, personally, I'm afraid it would be a deal breaker.
- To see a man dressed in womens clothing slightly turns my stomach....

And I'm not trying to get off-topic, but I think that page shows why you have to expect a little bit of whining from heterosexual crossdressers. Nothing wrong with telling them to shut up about it, though.

Satrana

03-16-2009, 05:38 AM

but I do have a problem when it turns into a habitual vilification I think if someone continuously pumps in their poison and it becomes disruptive to the forum then the moderators have to take care of it. The rules say as much.

and they do help to portray a hopeless scenario to the newcomers (CDs and GGs alike) that is simply not true.
I think we need to be careful about transferring our feelings about bitter members onto the "naive newcomer". Newcomers will always read many threads before they decide whether they want to join up. There are more than enough positive threads about good relationships to offset the bitter ones. People with good relationships speaking out and sharing their insights do get a lot of views.

At the end of the day CDing does break up some relationships so there is no point in trying to hide this reality. There is much talk about the need for honesty and being upfront. It is better for newcomers to enter this site with their eyes wide open and not be lulled in under a false sentiment.

You know the saying - don't feed the trolls. If the bitter comments were ignored as they should be instead of elevated for their drama effect then these comments would quickly disappear amongst the deluge of new threads. A mature reaction from other members is key.

People get out of this forum what they are seeking. If you are bitter and want to condemn the other side then you will zero in on those types of threads to validate your feelings. On the other hand if you want to learn and find acceptance and happiness you will zero in on those threads which assist you.

Senban

03-16-2009, 07:12 AM

MissConstrued said - "Hobbies are incidental to the person you are. If you're charming, witty, confident, and comfortable in your own skin, women will notice.

I'll probably say this until I'm blue in the face -- you're alone because you're shy, or ashamed of who you are. Your skirt collection doesn't have a f*ckin' thing to do with it."

This post was sent to a team of crack scientists in a top secret location for analysis. They found it to be composed entirely of WIN particles :cheer:

As for the stuff people have written about how GG want to be your friend but don't want a relationship with a CDer. The best relationships I've ever had all began by being friends with them first and developing into something deeper. If you go around expecting to find a supportive relationship, then you'll be seen as looking for a support system rather than as a partner and that will scare them away. Be your own support system and stop looking for that function in other people. I learned that lesson the hard way.

docrobbysherry

03-16-2009, 10:01 AM

For saying what I was TRYING to say, only far more completely and elequently!!

As for this comment, well I've seen you write some stupid things on this forum, including your most recent deleted one, but saying this forum is just for CD support? What part of the banner did you not read? This forum is for EVERYONE not just CD's, so you're not right, you're just ignorant :Angry3:

Thank u for correcting me Tamara. And for explaining finally, that I'm "ignorant", rather than "stupid". Guilty as charged!:doh:

What I SHOULD have said was, " It appears like the MAIN FORUM section is posted PRIMARILY by MtoF CD/TS/TG individuals looking for support, etc.":brolleyes:

However, u bring up a good point! If there r so many "whiny rants" posted here, why aren't they simply moved to the GM forum? As Satrana suggests?
Then, they won't "bother" the GGs and others looking on. Of course if u did that, there would be nothing for Sheila, and others, to complain about would there?:eek:

Which would stop what Satrana points out, " Whiners whining about whiners"!:devil:

Sheila

03-16-2009, 10:55 AM

However, u bring up a good point! If there r so many "whiny rants" posted here, why aren't they simply moved to the GM forum? As Satrana suggests?
Then, they won't "bother" the GGs and others looking on. Of course if u did that, there would be nothing for Sheila, and others, to complain about would there?:eek:

I WAS NOT COMPLAINING BUT YOU SOD U AND YOUR SELFISH WAYSI HAVE HAD IT

THAT COMMENT HAS FINALLY DONE IT FOR ME, I AM NOW GONE FROM THIS SECTION OF THE FORM ....... YOU JUST DON'T GET IT DO YOU .. YOU ARE SO DAMN WRAPPED UP ON YOUR OWN BLOODY SELFISHNESS ...... SUPPORT DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH YOU AND YOUR ILK CARE NOT WHETHER OTHERS ARE SUPPORTED, YOU WANT THEM ALL TO BE AS MISERABLE AND LONELY AS YOURSELF, THEREBY GIVING CREDANCE TO ALL THE TOTEL CRAP YOU SPOUT

I love Debs and she is worth pure gold & I will not allow the miserable messed up selfish idiots cause any waves in our relationship ......... enjoy your misery you dseserve nothing more

Shelly Preston

03-16-2009, 12:18 PM

What I SHOULD have said was, " It appears like the MAIN FORUM section is posted PRIMARILY by MtoF CD/TS/TG individuals looking for support, etc.":brolleyes:

Nice idea except some are not looking for support
all they want to do is whine whenver they get the chance

However, u bring up a good point! If there r so many "whiny rants" posted here, why aren't they simply moved to the GM forum? As Satrana suggests?

Guess what !!!........if it dont belong in the GM forum it wont get moved there

Then, they won't "bother" the GGs and others looking on. Of course if u did that, there would be nothing for Sheila, and others, to complain about would there?:eek:

Which would stop what Satrana points out, " Whiners whining about whiners"!:devil:

Well if there was not constant whining this would not be happening

I guess some people will just never understand that

But for those of you wondering why there are so few Genetic Women posting in the mtf section this has given you some of the answers

sometimes_miss

03-16-2009, 02:11 PM

I think we should have a separate 'whiny rant' section. Then the mods could move anything objectionable to that department. And, anyone complaining about it would also automatically be pasted there!!!
:rant:

Raquel June

03-16-2009, 02:20 PM

You're too young to remember, but once upon a time there were polls on this website. I've looked up two of them for you.

"How accepting is your wife" begun January 16 2007.
13% of respondents were single, the rest married or in a permanent relationship

"How accepting is your wife" begun 28 July 2007.
79% of respondents said their SO tolerates/accepts their crossdressing.

If you looked them up, why not post the links? Here they are:
01-16-2007 Is your wife/SO accepting of your crossdressing? (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=49686)
07-28-2007 How accepting is (was) your wife/SO? (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=63603)

What is your reason for referring to these polls? Do you think a "don't ask don't tell" policy is a good thing for anybody? And how many single people are going to click on the thread called "Is your wife/SO accepting of your crossdressing?"

I must say that the 37.8% supportive statistic in the poll is incredible, but that number falls to 15.3% supportive if you account for the fact that the majority of crossdressers here are in the closet.

What about this poll?

08-12-2006 What's your status? (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37464)
37.0% said they were single.
59.5% of those who are married said they were in the closet.

I'm not expecting you to have anything reasonable to say. I'm still waiting for you to respond regarding the last two lies you posted in this thread. I just wanted to point out that again you're posting nonsense.