Sexual assult.....

[Chantellexxx]

Hello ladies, I hope I have this post in the right place, here we go.... I am always asking myself why I do this, there must be a reason. When I was 12yo I was raped when I ran away from home,{my mom just died}, could this be why I CD? I dont mean to sound stupid but I have always felt different than the "other guys" even before this happened. I wonder if it never took place would I be CDing now or would I be a "normal man"? Has this happened to many if any of you out there?? Why does the "pink fog" come & go?? Yesterday I wore mens underwear all day & was not bothered, today I wore my G-string panties to work after thinking about it all night. Then I connot wait to get home today, as soon as I"m in the door I am wearing nothing but a TINY pair of bikini bottoms & feeling totally at ease & sexy within myself. In other word I feel "normal", I feel like me while CDing & when I am not I feel like a wierd bloke who wears womens clothes!!Sorry if this sounds a bit all over the shop but these posts never come out the way I want them too:doh:

[Nicki B]

When I was 12yo I was raped when I ran away from home,{my mom just died}, could this be why I CD?

It's highly unlikely? :strugglin What would be the logic?

Look around - most of us started either around 5-6 or in our early adolescence and it certainly seems to be linked to the way we were born, not just the way we have been socialised? If it was so, then many of us would also have to have suffered like you have :sad:

Personally, I doubt lots have - but let's see what the response is..

[Amy Hepker]

I am sorry to hear that you were raped, that is not a good deal for anyone it happens too. I would say that has nothing to do with your CDing, as a matter of fact I would say you were this way long before you knew it. It is in us and it will come and go, but each time it comes back stronger. You can try to control it, ut will not be truly happy until you can be who you are inside. It is all up to you.

[DonnaT]

I doubt your assault has anything to do with your CDing, but I'm no expert.

I do know that it never happended to me.

[Sandra Dunn]

No your a Tranny no doubt about it. Sorry to hear about your being raped, thats not good at all at any age. I would say that the raped was the guy who did it had the problem and assaulted you an innocent. Since you say you had the desire before it is not a factor of the Tg, it is a factor on how you handle things then and now

Sandra

[jruiz]

Actually I don't think that the raping per se is the reason for your CD, but probably the way you dealt with it and made you feel about yourself.

I have a theory about my crossdressing. I was a weak and short kid, that really sucked at sports. I always felt that I disappointed my father because of this, and some kids in the school would call me sissy or things like that (I'm talking 6-7 years old, it was painful). I was also the youngest in my classroom (maybe immature for the school grade I was). I forgot to mention glasses, stuttering, and too sensitive.

I grew up shy and with low self esteem. Until I graduated from high school, I was convinced that no girl would ever want me.

I think that my poor image as what was supposed to be "a man" in my head made me feel more comfortable with my feminine side. Also, I was very little confident about my aspect as a guy. I just thought that I looked better as a woman than as a man (who is muscled at age 12?).

Also being an insecure teen didn't help. The way women are attracted to men is very different to the way men are attracted to women. By then, I certainly knew what an attractive woman was (I'm straight), but was totally clueless about what a woman finds attractive on men. So, dressing as a woman made me know if I was looking good and made me feel more secure.

Thinks changed at college. My self esteem improved a lot, got somewhat lucky with girls. Married with the best woman in the world, and have an spectacular family. But I already was a CD by then.


Going back with your question: maybe you felt less a man for the raping. Of course, being raped was not your fault, but this might not be clear for a 12 years old boy. Being raped was (and still is) an stigma, for both men and women. And expressing your feminine side maybe provided you some comfort.

It's just a theory, maybe has nothing to do with you... You know yourself much better.

I'm sorry for your experience. Hope it already healed and you are able to forgive the *******s who did this to a kid

[Mrs. X (gg)]

Honey had to reply because for my own benefit I've made quite research on the CDing behavior and not even the "experts" know what causes a person to CD. It is not attached to any experience in particular.

All I can tell you is that my fiancé started at very young age, I believe he was never raped nor anything of that nature.

You might rather consult a professional if you feel it was triggered by that horrible experience, but I honestly don't think so, you say yourself you felt different before this happend.

Try to look in the recent post, there are a lot of threads lately regarding the pink/blue fog, that might help you understand this a bit more. I would offer you some insights but I prefer you to learn this from the real pro's (mtF members) ;)

:hugs: from a friend.

[sterling12]

Seems like I always need to point this out. NOBODY KNOWS THE REASONS FOR THE WHYS! Not even yourself.

It is much better to work on accepting whom you are. You learn how to do that, instead of wasting energy trying to find an "excuse" for yourself; you start to get on to The Road to Mental Health.

One morning, if you work at it, you wake up and you say; "Oh gosh, this is the real me." "Guess I better get on with the rest of my life." Trust me, this method works just about every time.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[JoAnne Wheeler]

NO - you were born to be a crossdresser

JoAnne Wheeler

[Hali]

Not even a rape a mere physical sexual advance e.g someone grabbing u by the arm to show u how much he wants u can be very devastating or forcing himself on u not all the way can as well be aweful.

Many factors can be attributed to CDing..........many complex factors can trigger "dormant CDing" potential, unfortunately i will not rule out that rape.

[carolinoakland]

nope, the assault has nothing to do with the desire to be female. you just know, even when you don't. Some, like me, take a very long time to hear that voice that's been singing in my soul. And it's a catchy tune. Carol

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I am a crossdresser and I am "normal" I fortunately never had to live through your ordeal and am sorry that happened in your life. Nobody really knows how we got this way but it is who I am and I have embraced it. As a child I always thought I was the only one like this and was ashamed of my crossdressing and felt it meant I was "gay". I am far from gay except that I do feel like a lesbian most of the time. I have gone through the "pink fog" at times and it was hell when I really did not have the ability to go for it. We are all the same and all different in our own ways so just try to find yourself.

[KandisTX]

Sexual assault more than likely does not connect to your crossdressing. In my own case, it was afterwards that connected.

I was 5 years old, being babysat by one of the neighborhood teenagers. She took me to a park near my home and I guess she got distracted by her bf or something. Well, I was abducted from the park, sodomized, and when I was found 12 hours later, I was naked, cold, and in a dumpster with the lid closed. I was taken to my home, but nobody was there (They were all down at the police station), I was taken to my neighbors house. They had no boys but they couldn't leave me naked so they put a pair of their teenage daughters panties (pink nylon with a red sequin heart on the front) on me. That was my first recollection of wearing womens clothing. It would be a couple of years, as far as I can remember, until I voluntarily put on a pair of panties, a bra, pantyhose, and full slip. I would have gone for the dress but it wasn't in the laundry basket I guess sister had hung it up again.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[AmandaM]

I was an SOB when younger, so no, no sexual assault. Anyway, when someone is sexually assaulted, they may stay stunted in their maturity level to the age when they were assaulted. Course, some who are assaulted by pedophiles become pedophiles themselves, but not all. So, maybe you could make a link if you were forced-femmed, but sexual assault to cding, no.

[MssHyde]

I'm Sorry you were abused. that's a terrible experience for anyone let alone a child.

Don't blame yourself.

I never had a bad experience, but ever since I can remember my mind would fantasize about being a girl (woman as my mind now plays it out)

The thought some times excites me, but its more then sexual, its just a desire to experience being female

[Angie G]

Don't worry Chantelle you normal hun at least around here you are.I don't know why you like to dress but just enjoy it you good.:hugs:
Angie

[tvbeckytv]

the way the assult made you feel about yourself could certainly have been your trigger ... then again, it could just as easily have been something seemingly insignificant that just flicked a switch in you. nurture isnt about the way you are brought up, but anything you experiance in the development stage that has an influence on you... intended or otherwise.