Can you be feminine effiminate when not dressed

[JoannaCaroline]

Here is something I have a very hard time doing. When I'm a boi, Im a boi. I would like to 'grey" the lines a little more but I have a very hard time acting effeminate or feminine when I look like boi. I think it would be a good thing for me, and most of my friends would probably not notice. If I can do this while not wearing makeup, skirt etc it will get even easier to not worry about "DO I PASS" when I am dressed Yes I know I act like that never bothers me but it still does sometimes. I have no problem going out in public but the old fears still rear their ugly heads.

I've tried to do this many times. I'll go out with the intention of behaving close to the way I do when I'm dressed, but within a few minutes of being in public, Ive already forgotten and Im back to those butch mannerisms I grew up with. I realize that I spent the 1st 18 yrs of my life fostering a very butch, masculine persona (Yes I dressed a few times in elementary and high school) and habit forces me back here. I'm just wondering if anyone else has tried it. I find it very difficult to do.

[Phyliss]

It's taken me almost 2 years to incorporate "fem" mannerisms, movements, actions, and attitude when I'm a "boi"

Started out my simply thinking like Phyliss. Oh yeah that part took lots of practice. Didn't change, intentionally, any outward appearance or ways of doing things, but somewhere along the line, it became so normal for me to:

enter and exit the car by swinging my legs in after sitting and swing them out first.
my manner of walking has changed, gotta a bit of a wiggle now
more movement with my hands
twirl my pony tail
sit with my knees together, even when driving
cross my legs, ( both ways ... left over right and right over left)
when standing in one place, as in waiting in line, my feet assume the first position of ballet, one foot is perpendicular to the other
always bend at the knees to pick up something.


In short, it simply takes lots of practice to naturally do those many little things. Trying to do them all at once becomes too much to think about. Start with just one action until it becomes a habit, then add another, and so on.

[Kate Simmons]

Not sure I follow you Joanna. How does how one dresses determine how they act? I think it's more a mindset than anything.:)

[Senban]

I'm feminine/female no matter what clothes I'm wearing. My body language is pretty much female with occasional touches of male. It's led quite a few people to conclude that I'm gay over the years.

I think there's a difference though between a learned/practiced behaviour and a natural behaviour. If you're replicating/practicing behaviours then to my mind you're a female impersonator rather than internally female. If you only act female when dressed then isn't that almost a form of method acting? Of course there's nothing wrong with that :)

[JoannaCaroline]

Not sure I follow you Joanna. How does how one dresses determine how they act? I think it's more a mindset than anything.:)


It is definitely a state of mind and when I was living full time I never really acted masculine. I switch back and forth now and it's strange to me that it feels so awkward for me to act feminine sometimes. On the other hand it feels more awkward to me to act masculine when I look feminine.

Lots of other things are starting to "grey" now. My hair is longer, ears are getting pierced etc. But the attitude, it defaults sometimes to a situation. In the end my mindset tends to direct the way I look and act. I dress when I feel that way. I learned a long time ago that I'm not TS. I want to be both and sometimes very extreme versions of both. After I lived full time the first time, I moved back to the mountains and got heavily into extreme sports. I didn't purge. I didn't want to give up being TG. I just wanted to be a very butch boi for a little while and do some of the things I missed doing while I lived in NYC.

[Hope]

I think this might just be an issue of socialization - or in our case - re-socialization.

As boys we grew up being very aware of how we moved our bodies (or at least we were made aware when we did it wrong), and making sure we didn't didn't do it like girls did. Who here hasn't been called a sissy, or told that they "throw like a girl" or a million other things?

I think the idea is to maybe use this same process in reverse. Point out to yourself when it you do things that are pretty guy-esque. "Well that was about the most guy way you could have done that..."

It may not be positive reinforcement, but it has worked all to well for us in one direction - why not harness that power for good instead of evil?

[DaphneGrey]

I don,t act any differently when dressed either way, I bend at the knees, do my very best to maintain correct posture, and cross my legs in a femm manner. I contract the muscles in my abdomen which gives my hips a slight swish and walk with my legs close together. I also tend to walk slightly on the balls of my feet, another femm characteristic. All of this added up in boy mode does not cause any undue attention to me. However I have gotten compliments for being a rather graceful guy.

The more I observed GGs and the way they act I realized that I was approaching this in the wrong way. Femm movement is not about limp wrists or taking an eye out with my hips. When I stopped trying to be prissy, and started paying attention to what women actually do It became easy to incorporate Daphne into my male existence.

Aside from the emotional benefits, I find that I have much less pain in my back than I used to, I rarely trip, and I have noticed a more positive response in my interactions with people. No matter how I am dressed.

I know this message comes across as being a bit self centered, but this is a topic I have thought about quite a bit, you see I think of myself as two people Ying and Yang, at least this is my philosophy. When Daphne is completely lost to me I am miserable, I don't underdress so movement and emotion are the only outlet I have to get through the "Grey Days" as I a have come to refer to them. When She is with me I am happy.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I try my best to be both - when I'm in my male mode and interacting with GGs

I try to get involved in very feminine conversations and wear feminine ????

colored shirts and ties - pink, lavender, deep yellow with pink, lime, lavender

ties - plus I underdress - panties, petti-pants and camisole - does any of

this count ?


JoAnne Wheeler

[MarciManseau]

I used to have to try and remember to act masculine when I went out as a boi - the last time was almost 8 years ago. Even when I tried to look masculine, I was still called "miss" all the time.

Maybe if you wore something like a tight bra, it would remind you think more like a girl when you're out in boi mode.


Hugs, Marci and Julie :hugs:

[alexmusic]

I started out by wearing panties every day it helped me keep in touch with my fem side when out of the house. Next step was to do my hair everyday instead of just tying it up in a pony tail and lately is has been wearing women’s jeans on a regular basis and also wearing eye liner and mascara most everyday.

All of these things keep reminding me of my fem side and therefore I tend to act more effeminate when in boi mode, my therapist suggested to start incorporating my fem traits that were only coming out in private, a little bit at a time to my everyday life and it has helped me to keep reminding me of who I am.

I now find myself having to fake my butch side more and more on certain occasions which I don’t like because that is when I feel I am really lying.

[Hali]

I don,t act any differently when dressed either way, I bend at the knees, do my very best to maintain correct posture, and cross my legs in a femm manner. I contract the muscles in my abdomen which gives my hips a slight swish and walk with my legs close together. I also tend to walk slightly on the balls of my feet, another femm characteristic. All of this added up in boy mode does not cause any undue attention to me. However I have gotten compliments for being a rather graceful guy.

The more I observed GGs and the way they act I realized that I was approaching this in the wrong way. Femm movement is not about limp wrists or taking an eye out with my hips. When I stopped trying to be prissy, and started paying attention to what women actually do It became easy to incorporate Daphne into my male existence.

Aside from the emotional benefits, I find that I have much less pain in my back than I used to, I rarely trip, and I have noticed a more positive response in my interactions with people. No matter how I am dressed.

I know this message comes across as being a bit self centered, but this is a topic I have thought about quite a bit, you see I think of myself as two people Ying and Yang, at least this is my philosophy. When Daphne is completely lost to me I am miserable, I don't underdress so movement and emotion are the only outlet I have to get through the "Grey Days" as I a have come to refer to them. When She is with me I am happy.

Almost the same mannerisms in both male and femme with slight modifications to mask the femme persona in male mode.

After accepting the femme part then integration into my male part to achieve one person followed, which i can say made me a better person, happier, healthier, more alert etc. I hope my observation in what i become is not subjective hope its objective so that it can pass the test of time.

[JoannaCaroline]

I appreciate everyone's point of view. thank you. Clothing? OK I actually don't like a lot of my male clothes. THey are way too butch.

The undergarments. I've done that. Not a big deal either way to me, but I want to wear less rather than more layers. Im always hot. Also once you've worn a neosteel ******* chastity belt under your clothes, all other reminders are pale in comparison. If your not sure what I'm talking about there, google it. For those of you that are struggling with just crossdressing? Don't google that. It will be a little much for some of you.

Im thinking about other more apparent reminders such as eyeliner, more feminine ear rings, nail polish.

Once again, thank you

[Persephone]

I think there's a difference though between a learned/practiced behaviour and a natural behaviour. If you're replicating/practicing behaviours then to my mind you're a female impersonator rather than internally female. If you only act female when dressed then isn't that almost a form of method acting? Of course there's nothing wrong with that :)

Interesting, but I'm not sure all of the behavior/movement differences that we observe are "natural." GG's learn many of them just as boys learn not to "throw like a girl" or "sit like a girl." You don't think their peers use social pressure to teach them how to stand and move as a woman?

Since we weren't generally allowed to be real participants in "girl world" when growing up, don't you think it may just take us longer to integrate these behaviors/movements into ourselves?


I know this message comes across as being a bit self centered, but this is a topic I have thought about quite a bit, you see I think of myself as two people Ying and Yang, at least this is my philosophy. When Daphne is completely lost to me I am miserable, I don't underdress so movement and emotion are the only outlet I have to get through the "Grey Days" as I a have come to refer to them. When She is with me I am happy.

I didn't think your message was "self centered" at all, Daphne. I thought it was very interesting. Thanks for taking the time and thought to post it.