Caught fully enfemme by girlfriend

[Ashlyee Paige]

Wow! Ok I finally got some of the really sexy outfits I ordered from eBay and was going to do a big photoshoot with them all. My so left for work and I pulled a bunch of stuff out and got fully dressed, I was walking around the house getting ready when suddenly I hear the door opening, oh crap! I started to try and lock it but figured that would make things worse :) well she walks in saying she forgot something for work and looks at me, tight minidress, see thru with bra, forms, cleavage, black heels, everything on and just stares open mouthed saying softly, what are you doing? I think I said I can explain this, it's what you think :) she ended up callling out of work and was surprisingly accepting. She said she knew I liked to dress and from my appearance lately with the breast growth she knew something was happening. I showed her all 12 boxes of clothes I have where I hid everything and the story of my past. We ended up going thru clothes hers and mine showing each other items that would look good on each other and makeup that she wants to borrow and jewlery. She said she would like to go out dancing to the clubsand stuff. I had to reaffirm that I haven't been cheating (which she suspected) and I wasn't gay. I told her a bit about trans issues and that I loved her. The only thing she was mad about was the amount of money I had been spending that I totally agreed with. Now I have permission to hang clothes in the closet and we can share clothes and accesories. Hopefully it stays like this but so far she is accepting as long as I don't lie or hide anything else from her. I agreed totally! So I feel I am at the start of something new that I can finally share with her, felt like a weight lifted, I am going to back off alittle now while she adjusts to everything since slot got laid on her last night!

[mklinden2010]

Good for you.

Now, nooooo backsliding on your part!

You've covered the topic, there will be bumps in the road ahead, but once the clothes are in the closet and you're happy with the idea, just be who you are and you'll both figure out your lives as you go along.

Best post I've seen in a long time!

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Sounds like it all worked out for the best, good for you and your girlfriend.

[SherriePall]

Well, Ashlyee, it was bound to happen sometime soon. Especially, with your physical changes. I am glad that she kept her cool and is accepting.
Now, the challenge is for you to take it slowly despite her acceptance (even offering to go out clubbing with you!).
Take care.

[stacee2008]

That is so awesome hun! I wish that my wife was that accepting. I think that I could get away with more as long as I give my wife the attention and sex that she needs. Congrats!

[kristinacd55]

Wow Ashlee, she took it pretty well. Just be aware there'll be ups & downs with it & usually it's not so easy. That's the way it's been with my wife since she found out :)

[Lorileah]

84055

:)

[Tina B.]

Whew! that was close, good thing you had a quick answer to the "it's not what you think" question. I love that answer "oh yes it is what you think".
Glad it worked out so good for you, but as I found out, that may not be an excuse for going off the deep end. When I told my wife, and she was excepting, I went wild, dressing every spare minute I could find, until my SO O.D'ed. on too much girl friend, I game out of the fog, got back to a more reasonable schedule, between him and her time, and life has been great every since! I hope it is for you two, too.
Tina

[Leelou]

Great story, Ashlyee! I'm so glad it worked out so well for you--congrats! Thanks for sharing.

[Kathi Lake]

Ashlyee,

Phew! I'll just bet that's a load off of both of your chests - yours for keeping the secret and hers for suspecting, but never asking. Please keep up the honesty and, as others have told you, do not assume that it's "all engines full" from here on out. Yes, I'm sure that being out in the open with her will reduce the "guilt" feelings you may have had, but don't assume that you have an open invitation to that newly-filled closet. She still needs her "guy" every now and then.

I'm curious about your plans. I believe I have seen in your posts things along the line of your transitioning. Are you? Is your breast growth hard to hide? How does she feel about your transitioning, if that's the course you're on?

By the way, I guess we won't be seeing pictures since your "picture day" was aborted? :)

Kathi

[Teri Jean]

Ashlyee, good for you and I hope things go forward from here. It must have been a tense morning but hey it looks good. Huggs Keli

[Marie O]

That is wonderful that she is accepting! Hope everything works out for you!

[shaun1]

you have a great girlfriend there so treat her well take care of her and she will take good care of you take it from me ive been there.your right to give her time but the fact she wants to go clubbing says it all.now you,ve been rumbled for the amount of money you,ve spent why not suggest you take her out for some new clothes and make up.i bet she wont be able to resist the urge to get something for you.have fun exploring your new life together it wont always be easy but it will be together.


THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE , THE PRETTY THINGS COST A FORTUNE

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Well thats a relief that she knows now and now you can relax more and dont have to hide stuff anymore.

[Sharon B.]

Congratulation on having an understanding girlfriend.

[Karen564]

Like Wow OMG Ashlyee!!!!! Hurray For You!!!!

I know the feeling all to well of suddenly hearing the door getting unlocked and opened while in full girl mode!!! Oh well..LOL

I'm So happy for you!!!, I mean that she didn't like totally freak out on you, but take it slow to play it safe, and let her absorb all this, but it does sound like it's very promising for you to continue a great relationship...I'm sure you both have a HUGE weight off both of your shoulders now, and I'm very sure she was very happy to know you were just dressing and not cheating.. but I wish I was a fly on the wall when this all happened, I'm sure the look on both your faces was priceless, of course I mean that in a good way sweetie..

Funny though, didn't we all tell you that she knew something was up with your appearance on another thread not too long ago ?? LOL

Take Care GF, and Enjoy!!
:hugs:
Karen

[Hali]

I hope the merry-merry will last.

["Mary"]

That is so great Ashley! I'm so excited for you - dancing and club - woo hoo! And not having to hide stuff , great. Don't over do it though.

Thanks for sharing.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

It seems that GGs who are not married to a particular crossdresser are a lot

more accepting - sort of like girlfriends - have a great time


JoAnne Wheeler

[countrygirl]

Thats Wonderfull!!!!

[paulaN]

I am so happy for you. Don't push things right now. But talk,talk a lot and then talk some more. Don't ever stop talking. Good luck. And Whooo Hooo for you on such acceptance. so far.

[ChibiKaiju]

I think I said I can explain this, it's what you think :) Lol, nicely handled. Congrats

[Starling]

Great story, Ashlyee! I can't wait to see the movie.:jumping:

LAL

[darla_g]

that is so interesting

[MssHyde]

good for you, nice blue eyes

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I started reading your post and was expecting the usual reaction from your SO... and was very pleasantly surprised to hear that she instead of an ultimatum, leaving or kicking you out, that she "would like to go out dancing to the clubs and stuff". Wow! That's amazing! :)

As you said, probably a good idea to let it all sink in. I'm sure more questions will follow. Her initial reaction was very inspiring though. I hope it continues to on this path.

Got me smiling over here, Ashlyee. :) You tell your SO that Gabrielle gives her a big two thumbs up! :thumbsup::thumbsup:

[kellycan27]

Totally awesome.... Good for you!

[Kayla Shadows]

84055

:)

LOL that was great

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg61/crashlibra/cats/funny-pictures-cat-wig-dress-home-e.jpg

Im really happy everything worked out well :) Its a good change.Take it slow and enjoy :hugs:

[imarocker2]

What a fantastic story! I am dying of envy.:thumbsup:

[joann07]

That is so awesome girlfriend.
I'm so glad things turned out ok with your GF.
It'll be so cool to girl bond and do fun things like shopping and going out clubbing.
Congrats!

Hugs!

[Susan G]

Great Post! What are you doing, may I ask, to get Breast Growth?:idontknow:

[PanteeQueen]

Glad to hear that everything worked out soooo wonderfully!!!!!!

[Di]

Just answer her questions honestly.....and explain that yes it was wrong to keep it from her but you were scared of losing her. And keep reassuring her you are the same person she has known...nothings changed except now she knows....and you feel relief she knows.
I hope she comes here where she can learn and understand even more plus have a place to get things sort and talk to other GG's
:hugs: Best Wishes to you both!

[Jess_cd32]

..........So I feel I am at the start of something new that I can finally share with her, felt like a weight lifted, I am going to back off alittle now while she adjusts to everything since alot got laid on her last night!

Edit: I think your smart to give her some space now, its alot to think about and take in.
Yes it is like a weight being lifted off finally telling them we cd. The results aren't always favorable to some of us (me included) but comming out was the best thing I could have done overall. Hope things work out for you.

My SO has the same fears BTW as her, obviously I don't as much.

[linnea]

Many times, I've imagined this happening to me. Your situation is inspiring, so far. Good luck.

[Hope]

That is great for you, and her.

Like others have suggested - be cool. I think you suggested backing off a bit at first. Exactly the thing to do.

ALSO - make sure to check in with her on a relatively (but non-scheduled) basis. Just because she was cool at first doesn't mean she will be cool forever... Encourage her to ask you anything she wants to, no matter how stupid, or insulting it might be, and to re-ask as many times as she needs to until she understands or feels like she has a full answer. Encourage her to do this, and ask her if she has questions when you check in with her. She was cool with you, now it is your turn to return the favor.

[crossdrezzer1]

I hope you respect her wishes and share this post with her also,,, it is only right that you tell her this comment as you told us,,,communication is key and anything can be worked out with a good talking,,,make guidelines and respect her wishes,,she fell in love with you and that hasnt changed,,nor have you changed,,,its just she got to know you a little bit better by knowing your secret so now she knows make sure you dont change and push this down her throat,,,that will end up badly for the both of you,,,keep hiding the stuff and cd sessions and now it will be a little more better for you not worring being caught as much because she knows but still you want to keep it away from her unless she ask you to play dress up in front of her,,its nice to do that but might be bad for her so once again dont change your hobby just because she knows,,that will end up in a break up....

[kristinacd55]

Ok, just got home and as soon as I walking in the door, she was in a depressed mood, told me we need to talk. I said ok, she told me not too put anything up and to just leave it all in the garage, she doesn't want to see anything until she can think. She was upset (understandably) about being lied to and not sure what she wants to do. She said when she found out last night she wasn't thinking clearly and was in shock (again understandable). She said she does not care if I dress up or go out enfemme, but she does not want to see anything at all until she has time to think. She said she went online to a chat room and was talking to people, but one woman told her to leave me and go with her. she got frustrated and tried to find other information. I printed out the forum sticky in the loved ones section and telling your SO forum and gave that to her and told her about this site, that there was alot of information here, so hopefully she joins. She said she didnt want me to post any pics online right now so I told her I would respect that. She is worried about someone recognizing me and being embarrased. I told her I can wait for any decision she makes and will do whatever I can to help her. She said she might want to goto a therapist to her her out, and I told her we can go together and her and I alone if she wants. I think it really hit her today and she is in a state of confusion. hopefully it works out. :(
I had a feeling that would happen, but again it'll be like a roller coaster. Up one day, and down the next. Been a year & 1/2 for me & that's how it's been. Just keep the communication lines open. :)

[Mollyanne]

I sincerely hope that she can come to a positive conclusion about all this. Don't be surprised if conditions arise from her decision. Just give her all the space she needs and be honest w/any answers you give to her. Good Luck!!!!!!!

Mollyanne

[MeraLehanga]

Beware of the satan, it is very active and comes between two people no matter what good understanding is maintained. Just dont be femme in front of her your relationship will last for ever, Dont ever try to share or discuss your crossdressing with her, use your male mode 100 percent as long as you are with her, and in privacy be what you are, femme. Remove your femme clothing from being exposed in the closet, and hid them like you used to from her eyes. A home by nature belongs to a SO how she goes about maintaining it. So thats her territory first. So as she didnt know your other side, it is impossible for any lady to accept your other side instantly and even if she does as you experienced, it is momentary. A few drinks or a let down in a sex play, brings back some scornful words in her. I have often noticed members here going all out in sharing their femme side, if the inception of the relationship started out in such a pattern than no harm done, but if it is revealed just expect the unexpected and she cannot ever be blamed for it. Not letting your SO know in the beginning itself is equivalent to lying to her or being dishonest. Unless she has hidden some devastating details of her life with you.

How many agree here and how many dont, is not my business, but this my perception to have a partner showing all the cards we have.

[Sara Jessica]

Such an incredible high right out of the gate, I bet it was, only to be followed by a crushing low. Hang in there and continue to be honest, it's really all you can do right now.

Online chatrooms are about the worst place you SO can go to for information. I saw that someone mentioned the SO sections of this site which is good advice. Also consider www.myhusbandbetty.com as there are good SO sections there as well.

Best of luck Ashlyee, you have lots of peeps here hoping for the best for you.

[Karen564]

Well, I guess she absorbed it all in now, and came out of shock, and that chat room she went on probably most likely didn't help the situation, I can only imagine what people said and I bet some trust issues came up about the whole thing, but the why & what we do is a very complicated thing, and we don't see clearly sometimes for the fear of losing someone we really care about, so now that the truth of it all is out in the open, she has lots of things going through her mind right now which is totally understandable, and it sounds like you are doing everything possible to get her through this, I'm sure your feeling kinda unsure what will happen next, but you & her are two wonderful people and will get through this, so just hang in there and we'll all hope for the best for the both of you..
I just hope she can come here and see it's not as bad as she thinks and shes not alone.

:hugs:
Karen

[Starling]

...I think it really hit her today and she is in a state of confusion. hopefully it works out. :(

This is act two of the movie, where obstacles and impediments make for rough sledding. But by the end of act three, it'll be happily ever after. I've got a feeling.

LAL

[mklinden2010]

Ah, bumps in the road...

So, she gives it a second thought and says, "Huh. This is not what I thought I signed up for... You know, maybe I don't want to do this. What we had last week, I felt good about that. This new deal of the cards, I'm thinking maybe not."

Look, it's her life, her call. Just as it's your life, your call. There's no logic to most of life, it's just how you feel about things that tips the balance most of the time. Respect her feelings to exit the situation and hope she respects your feelings to continue as you feel best for you. If that is what needs to be.

No one ever comes across their dressed-up boyfriend and says:

"Oh, wow... I was hoping I wouldn't have to breakup with you and this is just what I was hoping for to add spice to our relationship. Now we can stay together forever!"

Nahhhh... Just doesn't happen that way. And, even if it did, that doesn't mean somebody else, offering something else, wouldn't take her fancy next week. Life is about change, on way or another. Nothing stays the same. Well, almost nothing.

Crossdressing is not a deal breaker. If people will deal with cancer together, the loss of a child, a house burning down, they can deal with Crossdressing - if they want to. But, nobody has to...

Make room for each other to make your own lives, together or apart as the case may be, and get on with living.

You will both probably find other people and other situations that will turn out to be a lot better than anything you've known up to now.

Happens all the time.

Let change happen and be well.

[TxKimberly]

Well, sounds like it could be better, and could be worse! Either way, at least it's out in the open and you dont have to feel guilty anymore

[Sheila]

Sweetie give her time, honesty & love :hugs: hope things work out well for u both and if she does come here we will all make her welcome you know that

[Sally2005]

Make sure she talks to you about it and not only people on the net who don't know you. Make sure she sees the fun side, go out and have fun.

[Shelly67]

Woo her like you did at the begining of youre partnership . Totally be there for her , listen , respect and support . The rest will fall into place with heartfelt conversations.......
Good luck to you both .

[Jenniferpl]

Give her some time. Go slow and respect her wishes. She has been forced to absorb a lot in a short period of time. Hopefully it will work for the best.

[Rachel B]

Seriously Ashlyee, you are with this girl for what reason????:eek:

Career suicide it may well be, but careers, like many things in life, are interchangeable.

Unless you choose to do so, is it really possible to live a life to someone else's ideals/wants/needs and be happy? I personally doubt it is!

Hope things look up soon

Rach

[jruiz]

Ashlyee,

I'm very sorry for what you are going through. I'm very surprised, because you are one of the girls around here I admire and you transmit so much self confidence. I even remember you started a thread where you mentioned that she was suspicious about your dressing and I thought she would be accepting.

You can't blame you and you can't blame her. It's understandable that she is also going through hard times. But I don't understand why she talked with somebody else. She is not supposed to share this with anyone, and she is supposed to understand how sensitive this is for you, specially at work.

I don't know, but I truly hope that the shock is what is leading her "indiscretion" and not the deliberate intention to hurt you.

[Jess_cd32]

....... It's understandable that she is also going through hard times. But I don't understand why she talked with somebody else. She is not supposed to share this with anyone, and she is supposed to understand how sensitive this is for you, specially at work.........

Wow, sorry to hear this Ashley.
For her to say this to someone at your work is way out of bounds on her part! Since this could threaten your job possibly I wouldn't admit to it to anyone at work if your asked, deny it!, they have zero right to know your personal business anyway. Why should you lose your job over being a cd, and because she can't come to grips with it?

This was pretty low IMO of her to do that, regardless of her reasoning doing it. Show the same respect to her when it comes to keeping your job now if you know what I mean. If it was me, I'd end it with her ASAP, just my .02

[Laura Evans]

I am so happy for you Ashley. I am glad it worked out so well for both of you. Having an understanding SO is so critical and no more secrets is so relieving. Heed the advice from the other girls, go easy.:hugs:

[Laura Evans]

Ok, Talk about turns for the worst. Well she has been upset the last several days and when she came home tonight, She demanded all the banking and financial information, and wanted to know the status of everything. she was mad she told me she needed to talk to someone at work since she was so upset and crying at work. Well she told this girl who does have a big mouth, she said she wouldn't say anything (sure not this girl) so in a few days everyone there will know. So it now seems ive been outed at work, and bieng in the position I am in probably career suidicide. Problem is we both work at the same place :doh: She keeps telling me I have a mental disease and I have mental problems and why can't I stop? I tried explaining things to her but it is like talking to a wall, she wont listen to anything I have to say and sees no difference in drag queens, TV, TS, CD ect. She does not understand that I am not interested in being gay, ect. I tried to tell her gender and preference isn't the same but like I said seems like im talking to a wall. She has an appt today at the therapist and left without sating a word (completely unlike her) before she left I noticed some boxes in the garage missing and asked her, she said she was putting some stuff away in the studio. after she left I noticed some of her clothes were missing and the boxes are not there either. She told me the other day I look like a woman and she isn't a lesbian and cant have sex with a woman, (we haven't had sex in more than 1 1/2 years anyway). I told her I would goto councelling with her, don't know how qualified the therapist is, but that I would help in in whatever way she wanted. don't know what is going on, if she is planning to leave without warning or what, simply don't know since the communication seems like it is being avoided. Sorry about my rant just wanted to post some updates. :confused:
On a positive not with all this stress I haven't been able to eat for a few days and only weighed in today at 140lbs, stress is great for weight loss.

Wow!! What a quick change in attitude from your SO. I wrote my first response before I saw this update. I am so sorry to hear how it has all changed. I hope the gossip does not jeopardize your job. Keep your head up and keep your kool.:hugs:

[boardpuppy]

Ashlyee,
I can empithize with what you are going through but keep a cool head. You will need it to ride out the hard bump your SO has delivered to you. I can tell you love your her but be prepared for the worse. There was a previous thead about a couple breaking up, oh..2 or 3 weeks ago. Do your research and cover your bases. We are here if you need us. Hope things work well for you.

Hugs,
Alice

[MentalMercury]

She said she knew I liked to dress and from my appearance lately with the breast growth she knew something was happening.

Are you on hormone treatment? And you somehow hid that from a her? I'm sorry to hear about the rest. I know it's shitty to hear but if it has to happen like this, there is no other way. Like they say, power is being able to change things you have control over and accept things you can't control. Wish you luck in the future.

[GINA-CD]

Sorry to hear how the situation deteriorated so fast. Maybe it wasn't the best way for her to find out, I mean, she was shocked and didn't think too much at first but once things fell into place, she probably decided she didn't want to share this with you, and you have to respect that. I don't say what she's doing is correct, but you also have to understand if she decides you can no longer be together. This might sound rude, but she has the right to not wanting to share or accept your dressing.

That being said, I hope she doesn't hurt you, because one thing is not accepting but another very different is to seek revenge or just do things the wrong way. Nobody knows the outcome of this as things are now, just be prepared, stay calm and do the right thing for you. No matter what, you're the most important person for you, right?

My heart's with you Ash.

[MentalMercury]

well her therapist is totally anti-TG, She told me tonight that IF I loved her I would stop and throw everything out, How can you put a condition on love? she said she wanted to start over but I would have to give everything up? I cant give up myself, not going to purge either, I did that 10 years ago in a prev. relationship and forever regretted it. I can only be myself, I know who I am and am confortable with myself and love myself for who I am. If I give myself up there will be nothing but resentment. I dont know what will happen, (other than me not giving up me) but will take it one day at a time.

There is why there needs to be some major reform when it comes to approaching TG subjects in therapy. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong but I believe the DSM labels us as having an adverse mental condition, just like they used to label gay people before they changed it to say that being gay is part of normal human behavior. Some therapists realize this and they're great, but some still hold on to the previous (or maybe current?) way of looking at TG subjects, treating us as if we should be seeking a 'cure'.

There was no 'cure' for gay, there is no 'cure' for TG. It's not a mental illness.

-end rant from angry boy in a dress

[Lisa Golightly]

Sounds terminal to me Babes i'm sorry to say... But sometimes you need something like this so you can be free... My last girlfriend dumping me was part of the kick up the backside I needed to consider change for real...

I have to admit I was quite surprised that you were on hormones with a partner who had no knowledge... I really don't think you can expect her to to accept that...

Time to break free and live free...

[Roberta J]

Ashylee, Been there and done that 9years ago. Now I have my own cupboard . Just remember to give your friend time as the person she first met.

[Starling]

Ashlyee, dear, I'm sure the possibility of being outed at work is frightening to you, but isn't it also liberating? As for your SO, you hurt her, she hurt you back, and it looks like the relationship is over. You're young and pretty, you're in transition, so go for broke, girl!

And as we've seen in other threads, modern employers are willing, and indeed required, to respect your right to be who you are. With luck and pluck, you'll look back on this awful time as the birth of a brand new life.

Lallie

PS: I'm sorry my earlier posts were so flip, but everything looked so rosy.

[BeckiB]

(we haven't had sex in more than 1 1/2 years anyway).

Sounds like there is a lot more than crossdressing going on here that needs to be addressed. Sometimes we hang on to things just because it seems like the easiest thing to do.

[carolinewalker_2000]

Glad it happened so smoothly and with an accepting GF. You can only go forward now.

[jruiz]

Sounds like there is a lot more than crossdressing going on here that needs to be addressed. Sometimes we hang on to things just because it seems like the easiest thing to do.

Agree

[Kathi Lake]

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong but I believe the DSM labels us as having an adverse mental condition, just like they used to label gay people before they changed it to say that being gay is part of normal human behavior.
Universal answer - It Depends.

Since those on this site run the gamut from people that occasionally wear a skirt to those that are or have transitioned, it's kind of hard to pin down. The area in the current DSM you're referring to would probably be descriptive of those about the middle of our spectrum - transvestic fetishism - those that gain sexual pleasure from articles of clothing and/or dressing as a member of the opposite sex. There are definitely those here that fit that description. I don't as I don't gain sexual satisfaction from what I do - just satisfaction. Ashlyee doesn't seem to either, as her lack of sex over the past years (due to lack of desire or hormonal influences) can attest. Ashlyee, I don't mean to speak of you in the third person. I'm just responding to MentalMercury. Ashlyee, it seems to me that you are on your way to transitioning. Thinking of your earlier posts, that's how it seems to me, anyway.

Kathi

[Lisa Golightly]

I was simply biologically impaired :)

[mklinden2010]

On we go...

Well, live and learn. Glad you added that post about having purged before and not doing that again. No point in making that experiment again when you know (now) that it doesn't work.

Look, you, she, or, both of you, have probably changed over time. That you didn't change together could be a bump in the road, or, a fork in the road. Time will tell.

Sorry you both have all this rearranging to do, one way or another, but to get to "better" from here may take (and be worth) all the work that it requires.

Not sure what to make of the therapist offering such strong opinions, nor am I sure I can trust second-hand reports of a private session...

At any rate, it's your life, her life, your lives, in the spotlight here and I don't see how such an opinion really helps in any way. Except, maybe, your GF gets encouraged to return for ten more sessions to "find out why you chose this person."

Please...

"Well, doc, it seemed like a good idea at the time... Are we done now?"

And, as to the entire set of posts, take the high road and stay there. Regain calm, remain calm. She wants to freak out about the finances, move out this weekend and leave you stuck with the rent, etc.? Well, that's the cost of living sometimes.

Things change - usually, as it turns out, for the better.

Just try to be nice about it.

[Picklebob]

There is why there needs to be some major reform when it comes to approaching TG subjects in therapy. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong but I believe the DSM labels us as having an adverse mental condition, just like they used to label gay people before they changed it to say that being gay is part of normal human behavior. Some therapists realize this and they're great, but some still hold on to the previous (or maybe current?) way of looking at TG subjects, treating us as if we should be seeking a 'cure'.


Yes you're right about the DSM. The so-called "mental disorder" is gender dysphoria which is loosely defined as wanting to be the opposite biological sex. For a transsexual to get a sex change, he or she usually needs to be diagnosed with it.

Ultimately, the whole purpose of the definition is to further the black and white societal standard that male genitals equate a male gender and female genitals equate a female gender.

[Edit: useless stuff deleted]

End rant

Ashlyee, I hope that things start to go better for you and that your girlfriend, and that she can accept you for who you are

[kristinacd55]

I actually talked with her about moving out, she said she had thought about it. I told her if it was something she wanted to do not to just take off and move without letting me know, I told her I would help her financially get set up and move and I would help pack. I told her if that was her choice I would help in in any way possible and would not beg for her to stay or stalk her, ect.. If that was what she wanted to do this is her life as well and I would not fight her about anything. I could care less about fighting anymore for any items, when I left my last marriage, I left with 1 box of clothes, no car and had to rebuild. Best way to start over. But that was when she said she wasn't going to move right now and see how things go. The purging is just wasteful, and whats the point? They are only clothing, why throw them out? The main thing that people want you to purge is inside and my heart, my mind, my feelings, my soul can never be purged. It is what makes me who I am, and I know myself and accept myself and no one can ever change that. Clothing, hormones, make up, ect.. are just physical, maybe important maybe not, but does not make me me and no one can change that.
Purging isn't the answer for sure Ashlyee, this is SO a part of you. when I read ur initial post I thought something wasn't quite right. The whole story just seemed too good to be true if you know what I mean. I hope you can work everything out.

[erika_cain]

Purging isn't the answer for sure Ashlyee, this is SO a part of you. when I read ur initial post I thought something wasn't quite right. The whole story just seemed too good to be true if you know what I mean. I hope you can work everything out.

I agree wholeheartedly, and wish you the best at working out a solution you both can live with. Purging is so costly. You know you'll just have to replace everything somewhere down the road. Trust me, you will.
erika_cain

[Laura Evans]

Ashlyee, my heart goes out to you. You may try looking for a therapist who has experience counseling TG's and try to have your so attend some sessions for a different view point than the therapist she is seeing now. That therapist is not going to help your situation. You mentioned there have been other problems in the relationship now would be a good time to face them with a TG friendly therapist. Good luck.

[Rachel B]

Save your money on a therapist ashylee, YOU dont need one! Your SO might, but you definately dont.

I dont get the whole seek the advice from someone paid to listen to you then splat some garbage from a book.

If you know who you are, what you want, which it sounds to me you do, then why waste your time with all that?

I'd say you deserve a medal for putting up with the crap you've been dealt by your partner, not sure I would be so understanding.......My response would've been something like "You want me to do WHAT? Well, see that big wooden rectangular thing with the handle on it over there - Dont let it hit you on the way out!"

[Debbie801]

Ashlyee,

You have a very nice name.

I feel for you and your situation right now, I'm going through something only slightly similar. My current wife is not the person I thought she was and would be for me, you might take a bit of comfort that this is your girlfriend and not a wife...much easier legally and financially.

I really respect your resolve to not change yourself or to purge. I hope you can stick to your guns on this part of your situation, you know what you are.

Good luck...

Debbie

[Sally24]

She demanded all the banking and financial information, and wanted to know the status of everything.
I would be careful with this. If you are not married she doesn't have any real need to know what YOUR financial info is. I hope you have serparate banking accounts? If not you should get any savings you have into an account she does not have access to. There are too many stories of girlfriends who decided to leave and emptied all the accounts of common money.

I wish you luck but I wouldn't count on it with her current attitude. If her therapist is accredited then I would report her to the professional board. She has no professional grounds to be against CDing.

[Jess_cd32]

I think the thing that bothered my SO the most is when she realized just how deep this runs in us and there's really little to no hope of stopping it.
Rememeber this is alot for any women to find out and take in, give her space.
I hope this doesn't have any effect on your job either, who needs that right now.

Wishing the best outcome for you Ashley, just take it day by day, some are gonna be long ones to:doh:

Sounds like she couldn't have talked to more ignorant people to start with thats for sure, including that so called therapist:brolleyes:

[MartineXdrs2]

I had to reaffirm that I haven't been cheating (which she suspected) and I wasn't gay. I told her a bit about trans issues and that I loved her. The only thing she was mad about was the amount of money I had been spending that I totally agreed with. Now I have permission to hang clothes in the closet and we can share clothes and accesories. Hopefully it stays like this but so far she is accepting as long as I don't lie or hide anything else from her. I agreed totally! So I feel I am at the start of something new that I can finally share with her, felt like a weight lifted, I am going to back off alittle now while she adjusts to everything since slot got laid on her last night![/QUOTE]

Ash, I'm jealous, you are blessed. I haven't figured out how to breach the trans issues with my SO yet....

[MartineXdrs2]

[QUOTE=Ashlyee Paige;1650600]Ok, Talk about turns for the worst.

Oops, sorry for the earlier post,,, didn't see this coming,


forgive me, I'm new here and catching up.

I feel badly for you Ashlyee...

[Kathi Lake]

I haven't figured out how to breach the trans issues with my SO yet....Ash, did she ever ask if you were considering surgery? What did you say? I know you said there has been no sex in over a year, but has she seen your breasts? I'm still kinda confused about how much she knows vs. how much she suspects.

Your attitude seems better/happier in the last day or so, so that's good.

Kathi

[Kathi Lake]

Good then. Slow and steady wins the race. Take it at your pace, and see if she wants to run alongside.

Kathi

[Sally24]

if it does come out what can anyone really do but gossip. I am government so all I have to do is threated an EEO complaint and no one wants to go there :> so there is probably some protection.
That was one of the first things Obama came out with. He wanted no problems with LGBT in government hiring and firing.:)

[Alana Lucerne]

First, let me assure you I am not trying to judge you or take sides. I am just wondering where you think your relationship is going with your girlfriend. On the one hand you seem committed to the relationship while on the other hand you are taking hormones. The hormones may change your body and may end your sexual relationship with her. You mention that you haven't had sex for a year and a half. You also mention that she has said that she isn't a lesbian and isn't interested in women. So, my question is, what would be a successful outcome from your point of view? I know that we often don't have complete answers to this kind of life question. I know I don't, perhaps more than I'd care to admit.

It seems to me that you are on a course towards becoming more feminine. She has said she isn't interested in that very much. Do you think she will change and become more accepting of you? Do you foresee a non sexual life together? Do you think she would be happy with that? Do you think she is expecting you to change, sell your clothes and lead a "normal" life?

I hope I am not sounding critical of you. Life is hard enough and I don't want to make it harder. It seems to me that your situation does raise some issues, some of which resonate in my own life. I'd be interested in your thoughts on them.

Anyway, I wish you well

Alana

[immike]

UPDATED- Here is the origional post, but down further in the posts things took a BIG turn for the worst! Sorry had to edit this first line, It didn't turn out to be peaches and roses like I first thought.


Wow! Ok I finally got some of the really sexy outfits I ordered from eBay and was going to do a big photoshoot with them all. My so left for work and I pulled a bunch of stuff out and got fully dressed, I was walking around the house getting ready when suddenly I hear the door opening, oh crap! I started to try and lock it but figured that would make things worse :) well she walks in saying she forgot something for work and looks at me, tight minidress, see thru with bra, forms, cleavage, black heels, everything on and just stares open mouthed saying softly, what are you doing? I think I said I can explain this, it's what you think :) she ended up callling out of work and was surprisingly accepting. She said she knew I liked to dress and from my appearance lately with the breast growth she knew something was happening. I showed her all 12 boxes of clothes I have where I hid everything and the story of my past. We ended up going thru clothes hers and mine showing each other items that would look good on each other and makeup that she wants to borrow and jewlery. She said she would like to go out dancing to the clubsand stuff. I had to reaffirm that I haven't been cheating (which she suspected) and I wasn't gay. I told her a bit about trans issues and that I loved her. The only thing she was mad about was the amount of money I had been spending that I totally agreed with. Now I have permission to hang clothes in the closet and we can share clothes and accesories. Hopefully it stays like this but so far she is accepting as long as I don't lie or hide anything else from her. I agreed totally! So I feel I am at the start of something new that I can finally share with her, felt like a weight lifted, I am going to back off alittle now while she adjusts to everything since slot got laid on her last night!
Ashlee-I imagine you were pretty scared,being caught dressed by your GF.I'm scared
to death of being caught by mother,if she ever found out I was wearing her clothes,she'd
probably kill me.I love to wear her mini skirts,skirtsuits,tops,blouses,heels&I have my
own private stash of silky undies and different shades of pantyhose,but I prefer either
off black,or black,with a short mini skirt&silk blouse&heels

[Raquelle C]

Hey Ash,

Sorry that I am a bit late here, haven't been on much lately cause busy is my middle name, lol. That sucks to hear that things took a turn for the worse, really sorry to hear :sad: When I read your initial post I thought about how awesome and much easier that would be for my SO to go out together in the near future, ya never know though... I am still taking baby steps with my SO on going out. Your SO might come around, just give her some more time and maybe find another therapist that understand's TG issues! Unbelievable for a therapist to give someone advice like that, it is sad to hear. Therapists are people and they have different views of course, but geez. We still gotta meet up soon... I understand and am here to talk to anytime.

~hugs~
R'