About me and a few questions

[froggyspad]

In my intro I mentioned that I am married, my wife knows though not 100% supportive, and that I have questions. I will get to the questions but let me first give a bit more detail.

I remember wearing female clothes for the first time as far back as 6 years old. I have 2 older sisters and I would sneak some of their clothes to wear. Since, I have dressed off and on not know what or why. About 5 years ago I grew up and matured enough to do a little research. I discovered a direction to go in. Now I dress off and on, usually while my wife is at work or school. she knows that I do it and I even have my own clothes. But, seeing me dressed makes her feel uncomfortable so i keep it to a minimum.

Now my questions (some might be a little goofy) in no particular order:
1. When I dress, I don't go for the full femme look. Heck I usually keep facial hair. I just like to wear the clothes and especially the shoes. Is that still considered crossdressing or does that have another name?

2. My wife knows, she lets me dress, but she says she feels uncomfortable when I do. How can I help my wife feel better about my CDing?

3. Has anyone had success with trying to get a friend or family members reaction to CDing without outing oneself? If so, how? If it was not successful, how would you change what you did?

4. I have horrible fashion sense. Is there a site that can help?

5. I have recently had thoughts of trying to minimally grow breasts. Maybe a full A. But I am not sure that I want to. It might just be a "fun" idea and not a true, thought out, choice. Any ideas or suggestions?

6. Again, recently I have thought about trying out makeup. Any ideas or suggestions for this?

Sorry for all of the questions in one post but I wanted to get them out.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

1) Its still crossdressing

2) Don't know, but if you find out, let me know too

3) No

4) Look in women's magizines and women out in public

5) Probably not a fun idea at this stage

6) See answer to 4 - there are sites on the Internet or go to a

cosmetic counter in a department store


JoAnne Wheeler

[mklinden2010]

1. When I dress, I don't go for the full... Is that still considered crossdressing or does that have another name?

Yes, crossdressing. And, there are lots of names for it, to fit all kinds of people who crossdress. You sound like a crossdresser, but a real beginner. (Everyone starts somewhere...)

2. My wife knows, she lets me dress, but she says she feels uncomfortable when I do. How can I help my wife feel better about my CDing?

Try to feel better about it yourself by learning more about it. This post is an excellent method.

3. Has anyone had success ... without outing oneself? If so, how? If it was not successful, how would you change what you did?

Sure. Just general conversation; offering your opinion on related news of the day, etc. Once you say something, you can't change the past, so, don't worry make things worse by trying. Move on.

4. I have horrible fashion sense. Is there a site that can help?

Ha! Women read books, read ads, study magazines, and each other... for starters. You learn as you go.

5. I have recently had thoughts of trying to minimally grow breasts. Maybe a full A. But I am not sure that I want to. It might just be a "fun" idea and not a true, thought out, choice. Any ideas or suggestions?

Push ups? Say, ten a day to start? Just kidding. (Unless you want to... That does work, in a way.) Funny thing is, I've known lots of women who don't care that much for having breasts - they just deal with what they've got, not what they asked for. Think about the pros and cons for a while. No need to rush into anything with all the "foundation" stuff you can buy, make.

6. Again, recently I have thought about trying out makeup. Any ideas or suggestions for this?

Do it! Just go to the cosmetic counter and say you're going to a party. They'll look you over, find a base, powder, lipstick, all that stuff... Be smart and give them a fixed number to work with so none of you goes nuts... "Can you do much with, say, $75.00? I don't want to look completely ridiculous!" The better known stores will have clerks who can handle the request - and smoothly take your money... Which is why they are there! Do what the girls do starting out and just play with the stuff a while. Decide how much more of it you want to fool around with and proceed at the risk to your time and purse....

[froggyspad]

Thanks for the feedback.

[Lorileah]

1.whare I come frum padner its still crossdressin'

2. As the song goes Time, love and tenderness. Hopefully she will see it is a non-threat

3. all the time. It usually ends up with someone saying it is wrong or the other reaction is so what?

4. depends on what you want to look like. Fashion mags ike elle or Cosmo can get you trendy. Sales mags like Woman within or Ashiro or Newport News can get you middle America. Fetish mags like Transformation can get you CD and TS ideas

5. just remember the don't go away without consequences. Be very careful what you wish for. Falsies are safer

6. Cosmo, Bobbi Brown's books, other fashion mags and the gold standard is get a makeover and watch how they do it. There are online tutorials in youtube and such also

[Shikyo]

1. Wearing the opposite sexes cloths, sounds like cross dressing to me.

2. Depends of the situation. Has she known about it for long or only for a short time? If the has only known about this matter for a short period of time she might still be confused about it. Give her time and do not pressure her at all.

3. In fact I have "tried" with hard to tell success. Honestly, I was not planning to say anything about it, but it somehow just slipped. We were talking about my changed looks (she has not seen me since I moved out from Germany) and that she'd not recognize me anymore. To this she replied: Oh, you're a girl now? Me answering it: Nope...not yet anyway.

4. You can only learn by learning in this case by looking into magazines, pictures and of course at the girls passing you outside everyday. Do not forget to give the style you've chosen your own special something. I mean, who wants to just copy someone's cloths without giving them their own special looks into it. You should show your own style, but to get your own style you'll need ideas from other people. Combine what you see into what you think will look good.

5. Don't do it unless you really want to have them and understand the "responsibility" that comes with them. The breasts will be permanent and it will cause male people trouble occasionally, so I'd really advise you to stay away from them unless you want to spend most of your time as a girl.

6. Can't help you with this one at all. I've never been into makeup and I doubt I'll never be. All I use it some lip stick and that's about it.

[froggyspad]

Shikyo: My wife has know since before we started dating. We have been married for about 3 yrs now.

[DonnaT]

#2
Talk to her, find out her fears and why she is uncomfortable. Without knowing her reasons it is hard to suggest a certain plan of action.

If she's not ready to talk, ask her to start a journal on your home computer where she can write down her thoughts and questions. You can then go in and write your responses to the questions, not to the thoughts (unless she asks for them).

#3
Start with a conversation like: "A friend of mine said he ran into a couple of crossdressers in the bar he goes to, and wasn't sure how to react. They weren't there looking to get picked up or anything, but just seemed to sit around like it was the most natural thing in the world. I told him that I didn't have any problem with cross dressers, so I'd not react at all." Then ask him what his opinion would have been.

[froggyspad]

DonnaT thank you for that helpful advice.

[Mistybtm]

#5) i have been using http://www.natureday.com/ for a few years and no one close to me has asked but it is getting harder to hide. I wear big loose shirts. I did have someone ask if i was working out once because my chest was getting bigger and i just told them yes.:brolleyes:

[kellycan27]

#6 shave first.

[Ralph]

1. Yes, there are a lot of us out there. I have to disagree with maryklinden about "it's a start"... for you, it may be the end goal. CDing just for the comfort without any effort to pass or look more like a woman isn't necessarily everyone's cup of meat, and don't let anyone pressure you into taking it any further if you're happy where you are. If that's only "a start", I've been "just a beginner" for almost 40 years and intend to stay that way. Like yours, my wife is tolerant but not wild about it.

2. You can't. Only your wife can change her attitude. If you haven't already talked to her about how long you have felt this way, and it's not a conscious decision you made, and (assuming it's true) you're not gay and you have no intention/desire to make any physical changes, that might help her understand that it's just a part of you that will never go away. Most important, though, find out what HER limits are and honor them. If you know what specifically bothers her about the dressing and why it bothers her, you can find ways to accomodate your needs and hers, and make the whole relationship richer for both of you.

3. Sort of. Years ago I was with some close friends and I mentioned a group of college friends who like to go out once a year to do one of those old-time theme photos in drag. She was disgusted in a big way, even when her husband and I both made it clear that this was a once-a-year joke, fully played for laughs, and not something that (as far as we know) they do every day. I suspect she is one of those "CD = gay" folks, although she didn't explicitly say so.

More recently, I was going through my deceased mother's photo albums and was amazed to find an old college picture my girlfriend at the time took of me wearing one of her dresses. I had no idea she sent the picture from my mom! Neither of us realized at the time it was an integral part of my personality; we both thought I was just goofing off. Anyway, my brother and his stepson both exhibited negative reactions and I (truthfully) explained that I don't know what we were doing at the time but I pretty much would do anything for her. So outing myself to brother and his family is highly unlikely. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if I ended up marrying her and we learned that wearing her clothes wasn't just a one-time joke.

How would I change what I did? I wouldn't - see answer #2 about how the only person who can change the way a family member thinks is that person him or herself.

4. Fashion? What's that? I dress for comfort, and I thought you did too.

5. If you're seriously thinking about "growing" breasts (what do you think, just add water and plant food?) you're in a lot deeper than you realize. Personally I strongly advise against it unless you're true TS and ready for major snippage, and if there's even the SLIGHTEST chance that is the case, you'd better make sure wife knows so there are no ugly surprises for her down the road. If it's just a passing whim, drop the idea and buy breast forms like everybody else.

To put it another way, you have to decide if you're a guy or not.

6. Don't like makeup... would never wear it myself, and I prefer it minimal or nonexistent on GGs. I think it's like spray-painting the Mona Lisa pink. Again, do you just like dressing like a girl, or do you want to fully look like a girl, or do you want to physically BE a girl? We can't decide that for you, and nobody can advise you on what to wear (or grow) until you know what you want.

ralph

[Shikyo]

Shikyo: My wife has know since before we started dating. We have been married for about 3 yrs now.

Sounds like her mind about cross dressing will not really change at all. If she has not changed for three years, it is highly unlike that she will change suddenly. Ralph's words are telling us the truth: You can't change her, but only find out her limits.

I think the mind on anyone will change rather sudden when the information is new, but the longer time has passed since the knowledge the smaller the chance of some big change happening in ones attitude.

[Hope]

1. When I dress, I don't go for the full femme look. Heck I usually keep facial hair. I just like to wear the clothes and especially the shoes. Is that still considered crossdressing or does that have another name?

Congratulations! You are a crossdresser. You might be TG as well, but you are certainly a crossdresser. Perhaps a lazy crossdresser, or a beginning crossdresser, but you are a crossdresser. Welcome to the party. Over there is Ralph, Suzy is in the corner, Jennie is the tall one, Tamara is the one with all the make-up, and Karen is the one with the bruises (she plays a lot of hockey) don't mention jeans around her. Later there is going to be pie and punch, and probably a photo-shoot.



2. My wife knows, she lets me dress, but she says she feels uncomfortable when I do. How can I help my wife feel better about my CDing?

Hmmm... yeah. You are in a tough place there because this is an emotional issue for her and not a rational one. Chances are good that if you weren't married to her that she would think your crossdressing was pretty cool. You are going to have to give her some time (though some never come around) and you are going to have to do a lot to reassure her. It will totally help if you can manage to not be prettier than her (hopefully that won't be difficult). Here are 4 things I recommend to every girl who has just come out to their wife:

1) Remind her that nothing has changed about you - that you are still the same guy you were - she just knows more about you now.

2) Encourage her, explicitly, to ask you any and every question that pops into her head about this. No matter how asinine, how insulting, or how repetitive it sounds. Answer every question openly and honestly. No matter how many times she asks it, no matter how insulting it sounds to you. Sounds like work doesn't it? It is - and it is your work, not hers. Make sure you never express any emotion about her questions other than thankfulness that she has asked, and enthusiasm to tell her all about whatever she has asked you about. No matter how insulting she is. At this point, it is her right to be a little insulting (she shouldn't exercise that right, but you are the one asking for the favor right?)

Don't make her come to you with the questions or try to find a way to bring it up. Check in with her often, make plenty of opportunities to start a conversation, ask her "So is there anything you have been thinking about or wondering about? Any questions you thought of?"

3) Be her best friend, if you weren't already - it's time to start being a full partner in your marriage. If you were already - step it up. Seriously, be the best friend, and flowers and extra attention never hurt any relationship either.

4) Remember that you have had a lifetime to figure this whole thing out, to understand who you are, what you are, and how you relate to the rest of the world. She has had what, like 6 months? Give her a chance.

If I was sure about the next one I would add a 5 to the list... but the last one is to remind her that you are still the man. Do that however you feel is most effective.



3. Has anyone had success with trying to get a friend or family members reaction to CDing without outing oneself? If so, how? If it was not successful, how would you change what you did?

That depends upon how stealthy you are, and how stupid your friend's family are. For the most part - people are relatively quick to pick up on something like that. If I were going to try and gauge reactions I might bring up something like J. Edgar Hoover, or Rue Paul's new show "Drag Race" or the TS character on MTV's "Real World" (depending on the age of your target).

You might also try to intuit a person's feelings towards homosexuals. While the vast majority of crossdressers are not homosexual, the impression most people outside of the TG world have is that most CDs ARE homosexual. Also, the homosexual culture is pretty well known... yet it is still an "alternative" culture. People's attitudes towards one "alternative" anything, pretty well betray their views towards other "alternative" things.

Also consider that a person's religious and political views can tell you a lot about what and how they think and believe. Remember also that there are some crossdressers here who have a pretty dim view of crossdressers.



4. I have horrible fashion sense. Is there a site that can help?

Yeah - not this one. Look at the photos section, if you don't value your eyes. While some of us do a pretty good job at passing, most of us are ****s. (I am going to take grief for saying that - but you all know it's true!)

I think an earlier poster recommended walking around looking at girls. I agree whole heartedly. Don't lear or stare, or take pictures, but spend a day in a public place watching women. Look at how they are dressed, and how they carry themselves. You need to start looking at women the way women look at women - comparatively. Try to figure out how they achieved the looks that they did.

Also as another poster pointed out, check out fashion magazines. Like you don't already. You need to start learning about fashion the way women do - from other women and from society / media. And don't think you will ever finnish that assignment - fashion is always evolving.



5. I have recently had thoughts of trying to minimally grow breasts. Maybe a full A. But I am not sure that I want to. It might just be a "fun" idea and not a true, thought out, choice. Any ideas or suggestions?

This is a bad idea for you right now.

Seriously, this is a bad idea. Knock it off.

No "buts" - shut up. Listen - this is a catastrophically bad idea.

You know how I know? Because you aren't sure about it. The time to talk about breast augmentation or female hormones is not when you think it might be cool, or fun, but when you feel you MUST have boobs, like if you don't, you might die. The time to START - THINKING - about getting boobs is when you can no longer think of anything but boobs (your own - not someone else's you perv).

Seriously, you want to severely, completely, irrevocably freak out your wife forever and for good? Like paying alimony, child support and living in a van down by the river freak out? Go get yourself some boobs.

You know why they are called boobs right? <glare>



6. Again, recently I have thought about trying out makeup. Any ideas or suggestions for this?

See - this is a good idea. Makeup washes off, doesn't have side effects and costs less than $1000

Again, 3 things.

1) practice practice practice. Figure that most GGs have been doing their make up, every day, since they were what, 15? You do the math on how much practice they have.

2) Get a book. Read it. These three are recommended from time to time:

http://www.amazon.com/Bobbi-Brown-Makeup-Manual-Everyone/dp/0446581348/ref=wl_it_dp?ie=UTF8&coliid=I1QQ5GGC8L2IBS&colid=1ZF3NIVT9DBLW

http://www.amazon.com/Makeup-Ultimate-Guide-Rae-Morris/dp/1741752264/ref=wl_it_dp?ie=UTF8&coliid=I26KAKZIEW0QYF&colid=1ZF3NIVT9DBLW

http://www.amazon.com/Making-Faces-Kevyn-Aucoin/dp/0316286850/ref=pd_sim_b_1

3) go to the MAC counter at your local Macy's or to the MAC store if your mall has one and get help. The can do makeovers, teach you how to use the various products, and provide a world of other advice. Seriously, the MAC people are wonderfully helpful, startlingly accepting and open, and delighted to trade you money for products and information.


Sorry for all of the questions in one post but I wanted to get them out.

Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.