First Night out in Years

[LisaM]

I went out for the first time in over 11 years tonight and I wanted to post my thoughts to encourage others to add their own experiences.

I stopped dressing over 11 years ago because my mother (who was dying) asked me to take care of my family. She felt that female sacrifice meant sacrificing for family---she was very accepting of me as Lisa and I should add that I have always considered myself TS.

In the end, I asked myself "Is this all there is?" I felt like I was dressing but I wasn't in the real world. I was going to gender events but my therapist wanted me to go to 'regular' events-and I did and I felt great but it made me look at myself and ask if I really could pass-and at 6'3" it was difficult despite being thin. I saw my flaws and it made me feel bad especially when I compared myself to other girls.

So I went out today and I made an appointment at a wig/hair store that is not gender inclusive--it serves another niche but it doesn't reach out to the gender community. This woman was wondeful--she spent 2 hours with m and treated me as a sister. It made me feel wnderful and it was in the real world.

Later I went to a Gender Community dinner and I was dissappointed because i felt, and this may seem harsh, like I was in a ghetto. These people had no interest in being apart of the real world.

Anyway, I feel sorry for disparaging other girls. I don't mean to hurt anyone. I just want to find myself and I think all of these feelings are important in searching for our true selves.

[deja true]

Congrats on finally getting out again after all those years. Sometimes family and other business just gets in the way sometimes, but you did well in thinking of family first.

But now, I guess, it's you're time, isn't it? And as a trans woman, a real woman, you do need to make your own life and, as you say, be a part of the world.

But many of us, the majority I suppose, will never be able to be who we want to be...who we ache to be...except in the closed world of places like this, or t-community meetings or conferences. It's kind of a shame really, but we're also gladdened and joyful for those who can get through the fence of our little self-imposed internment camp.

Run with it, Lisa, if you can. Run like the wind!

We're all here to encourage and support you as best we can.

:<3:

[Lisa Golightly]

I've always had tremendous difficulty with the 'scene' events and support groups... They're just not me...

*hugs* for finding the road again... I wish you every success :)

Lisa x

[Alana65]

Good for you, Lisa. I'm very happy for you on your trip out.

[tamarav]

good for you Lisa! You are so fortunate to finally be able to express your true self and to understand that the majority of the world does not sit around and bitch and moan all the time. Go out and make your own life and have a wonderful time.

I too have difficulty with the splinter groups just as I have a problem with some of the members that do nothing but complain about how the world treats them. We make our own way, in whatever direction we want to go. You go girl...

[kristyk]

Contrats Lisa making that first step again must of been so gratifying
I hope for you many more outings and many great stories to tell.