How do you react

[Super Amanda]

The other day I was talking with my older brother about how we react to things. I just came out to the family, and we were talking about how I react to things compared to him. He is a loud, vulgar , aggressive and rude guy, and I am completely opposite. Ever since I can remember, my parents referred to me as "gentle" and "sensitive". I always try to avoid confrontation, and have only been in a couple of fights in my life. Never been athletic and have always hated sports. I've always taken peoples feelings into consideration, and try not to hurt peoples feelings.

We were just agreeing that my personality has always been most certainly more female than male. I feel like I already behave like a female, I just don't look like one...


How do you react to similar situations? Did anyone have to curb certain attitudes after transitioning?

[tori-e]

My older brother used to beat me up. I would lie on floor screaming. So yes we were different. :D

My wife said that when we met I was very different from all of the boys she’d been out with before. More gentle and more in tune with things that later she would read as being female.

I definitely had more female ways of behaving or looking at things when I was young. But I also knew that I should hide them to avoid ridicule. (…and further beatings:eek:) Later when the T kicked in I could also be angry and aggressive in a way that I hated. But I also hated sports and have always loved music and have an eye for fashion. My brother played rugby and tried to join the RCMP. Yup we’re different. But then again when I transitioned, he welcomed his new sister to the family. Aw!:battingeyelashes:

Post transition (& post-op) I am so much more laid back now.

Terri

[Lisa Golightly]

I'm a total softy... always have been.

[ArleneRaquel]

Very soft.:) :hugs: :love:

[GypsyKaren]

I'm as sweet as sweet can be, but cross me and I can be meaner than a bag full of rattlesnakes.

Karen :g2:

[Joan Merrie]

The other day I was talking with my older brother about how we react to things. I just came out to the family, and we were talking about how I react to things compared to him. He is a loud, vulgar , aggressive and rude guy, and I am completely opposite. Ever since I can remember, my parents referred to me as "gentle" and "sensitive". I always try to avoid confrontation, and have only been in a couple of fights in my life. Never been athletic and have always hated sports. I've always taken peoples feelings into consideration, and try not to hurt peoples feelings.

We were just agreeing that my personality has always been most certainly more female than male. I feel like I already behave like a female, I just don't look like one...


How do you react to similar situations? Did anyone have to curb certain attitudes after transitioning?

That sounds just like me and my brother. He's the macho type, doesn't care what he says or who he hurts.:hugs:

[carolinoakland]

you just described me.. and yet my sister claims that she never saw anything remotely female in my behaviour. But then again I never saw anything wrong with her relationship with our mother either until she sent me her testimonial letter for joining the church. We see what we want to see. Carol

[gretchen2]

I do not know anything about that kind of stuff since I was an only child. I would have to too say that you look totally like a girl. Good job.

[Carole Cross]

I am usually calm and collected in mt reactions. I have never started a fight unless severely provoked (this has only happened twice that I can remember). I would do my utmost to avoid confrontation.

[Kayla Shadows]

Ive been really fighting with myself over some time now and trying to be calm.Like people have said,you gotta change your ways before your ways change you.I need a lot in my life to change so I can find some peace.Things really hurt sometimes and I lose control.

What I know is that I have always got looks from my male friends over the way I am.Something never fit right with the way we both are.Whether it was how freely I speak and how things effect me..or how they see me interact with other women.Some women will see it too though.I'll get the,Wow,weve been talking for how ever long of time and you havnt hit on me or mentioned sex.Whats wrong with you?..Umm..by this time I have a pretty good idea of what all this has meant.That is where I have a commom connection with mind and spirit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tEROk-Y27Q

Just because I love Gwen :)

I also know Ive been too caged inside and need to escape.Bad thinking had been no good and I really just need to be more myself in life.

Sorry to anyone I upset.

[Super Amanda]

Interesting... Another thing I just remembered, was crying. I remember trying to fight back the tears countless times on sad movies, even really happy endings sometimes. I know "normal" guys try to hide crying at movies also, but I seem to cry more often. For example, I just saw WALL-E, great movie btw, and I cried several times! Sad songs sometimes trigger tears in me as well. Once when I was about 10, my first girlfriend moved away across the country. I remember sobbing for hours.

Oh, and then once with my ex, before she knew anything, my Mom had given us a kitten, and I thought her rude, ugly, three kids from three guys, promiscuous cousin let it get out of my house, and I thought it was gone. I wept, hard and uncontrollably for an hour. Suddenly, she came in with the cat, it was just hiding! She thought it was so sweet that I got so sad!

Sometimes also, I'll be fine and I'll just get really sad, and cry a little. Especially if my son is gone. And mind you, I take care of my son alone, his Mom is kinda useless, I rarely have time to myself. But when he stays the night at his cousins house, like once every 2 months, if I see his picture or think about him, I'll get soooo sad...I love that little guy!

[Noxvictum]

I used to get lectures from my father for being too sensitive. Last few years, I've been very cynical, but still try to keep things calm, and may try to make jokes about it. However, my jokes tend to be pretty out there... so I'm trying a new approach; Just smile and wave.

[Anna the Dub]

I have always been a big softie, long before I came out, even as a child. Of course, I tried to hide it when I was younger and firmly in the closet, but people knew I was gentle. I was talking to one of my sisters-in-law recently about me, and she said that she had never suspected a thing, she just thought I was a very gentle and sensitive man, but in hindsight the signs were all there.

[Lisa Golightly]

Interesting... Another thing I just remembered, was crying.

Oh I cried quite a bit, but not as much as since I've started hormones...

On my soft side... I've slept with a teddy bear all my life :) I'm a real tactile need a cuddle type... :o

[Sarah...]

My employees tell me I'm so laid back that I'm horizontal and that I'm not like "other men". I've always shied away from confrontation and prefer to talk people into submission. And I'm quite good at it. If there's a serious row to dish out to either of our kids I do it because apparently I do it in a calm way that leaves the kids under no illusion as to what is right and wrong and they usually end up seeing sense.

I've no idea what all that means - except you asked the question and that is a bit of an answer :)

Sarah...

[StevieTV]

I was very shy and quiet growing up. I didn't participate in sports and liked animals (stuffed and real). I cried, played and drew a lot. I would spend hours rearranging my room then show it off.
My younger brother on the other hand, is a hunter, smoker, drinker and above all been married 2X. I always kid him that one of us is adopted.

[Kayla Shadows]

Yes,crying.Adding that to the list that points me in this direction,a large piece of what I thought things were started to form.It just starts going on and on.

I agree with what Karen said too though.


I'm as sweet as sweet can be, but cross me and I can be meaner than a bag full of rattlesnakes.

Karen :g2:

[Nicki B]

He is a loud, vulgar , aggressive and rude guy,

You don't think females can ever behave like that? :strugglin


I always try to avoid confrontation, and have only been in a couple of fights in my life. Never been athletic and have always hated sports. I've always taken peoples feelings into consideration, and try not to hurt peoples feelings.

That may be so, but I fear you might be stereotyping..

[LadyMirabai]

I'm similar to most of you - I've always been the sensitive type. Usually try and avoid confrontation unless the situation truly merits it and try and not get too bogged down in the small stuff, but of course that doesn't always work! I'm always sensitive to people's feelings when it comes to when they need to talk about something, a lot of my GG friends talk to me first instead of their GG friends who are supposed to be sensitive and understanding about such things...

About the crying stuff...

For years I've always wanted to cry to sad things (movies, sad events etc) but always tried to put up a macho front. The only thing I ever cried about the past 10 years before I started CDing was when my childhood cat died about 4 years ago, because I loved her more than anything ever, and I really didn't care what anyone thought at the time, since she died right beside me. Now it just makes me cry when I think about that macho front...

[Super Amanda]

That may be so, but I fear you might be stereotyping..[/QUOTE]



Stereotypes have to come from somewhere. Besides I just wanna believe I act like a girl to validate my actions anyway. Right?

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Was never into sports, always cried at movies, was non-confrontational etc.. Always liked female vocalist's and love songs. I'm just a girl inside. :battingeyelashes:

[~Kelly~]

Oh I cried quite a bit, but not as much as since I've started hormones...

That is SOOOOOO the truth! I have done my fair share of crying in the past but with the hormones I feel like I need to drink about 2 extra liters of water a day to make up for lost tears. Just a couple nights ago, we had a few people over and we were playing a board game. In the process of playing, I accidentally spilled my red wine on the carpet. Instantly, we had about 5 people jump up and grab paper towels, cloths, carpet cleaner, etc. We were able to get it all out, but immediately afterward I felt SOOO bad about it. I went to my room and just started sobbing uncontrollably. Really there was nothing to cry over. It was an accident and even then it ALL came out. It was 100% clean. And yet I could not stop crying. My roommate came in and tried to cheer me up. Then her sister came in and tried to help get me to stop. Neither of their talking had ANY effect. Mainly because I myself knew there was no reason to cry and yet STILL I could not stop. It just took a little bit of time to essentially "get it all out" and then I was fine again. I was able to go back out and enjoy the rest of the night. But until my body decided that it had enough crying, there was nothing that could be done to stop it. And with the hormones, this happens FAR more frequently than it did in the past.

[Elise.Matei]

i think u must always "react" in a way that is true to ur nature. i react to ur story w/empathy cuz i was, unbeknownst to stupid me, "effeminate" when young and continuing on into adulthood. i was an innocent. have always been fastidious, thorough, reliable, honest, sincere, apolitical, non-judgmental, caring, sensitive to others, and generous to a fault. it was only when i noticed how i wasn't taken seriously by the other males in my family that i suspected there was something different about me. i studied the sports page, tried to act knowledgeable, talk rough and act macho, but it was all an act - just to fit in, not feel odd and try to be accepted. it didnt come off very convincingly tho and i was sort of tolerated. no one ever called me to attend a super bowl party, for instance, or some important playoff game. it stung, cuz i woulda liked to feel i belonged. i never did. even at family holiday gatherings i smiled and socialized, but there was always a part of me that was standing outside the window in the cold, looking in. like i say, i was tolerated.

well... i MADE em all take me seriously by being successful and accumulating wealth. it didnt take long before everyone was coming to me for help and assistance - which i gave generously (not loaned, gave) and thus basked in the sunshine and warmth of their true acceptance as a "someone" of value. i essentially bought my parents love and my siblings respect. oh, their needs were real. life happens, crises arise and in the end it ALWAYS comes down to money, the ultimate fix, the universal solvent, the most important tool in the toolbox: money. no matter who or how much, when asked, it was given. i always exceeded what was needed too. and made no fanfare about it, minimized the importance of it, got it to em quick just to get it over with, never expected nor wanted to be paid back. cash on the counter top, placed somewhere surreptitiously to be discovered after i left, stuffed in envelopes, cards, presents, or just handed over as a neatly rubber banded roll or a simple fat stack. and i always made sure the bills were new - which was a pain cuz banks, believe it or not, often don't have brand new un-circulated currency. tens, twenty's, fifty's, hundreds... money by the thousands; three, five, ten, sometimes more. whatever was needed. there is nothing quite like the tactile feel of fresh un-circulated paper money, and no perfume sweeter than its smell, i must admit.

i never kept a log book or an accounting, but looking back over the last ten years i'd have to say with no exageration (in fact i'm certain i am under estimating) i gave away, all told, close to a quarter mil to family, friends and even a stranger or two. and while there is an initial gush of smiles, warmth and genuine appreciation, good-will and caring, it never lasts. in fact, it is gone in a flash... and very often u suspect u are resented for your assistance as time goes by. i thought about it and i suspect even tho i have truly forgotton, they haven't, and whats left is perhaps an unending feeling of indebtedness. idk really.

now however, i realize "love" is a fools game. except in novels and in a very few rare instances, nobody loves no one. why worry about it though. we are not around very long anyways. whats 85, 90 years of living? nothing really. and once you're gone, after several years who remembers what u did or even cares? nobody, actually. everybody and everything is forgotten rather fast. the human mind is like a sieve. we forget everything in a rather short span of time. all that money i spent to buy respect love and acceptance? hahaha... i guess i am still happy i helped any number of people get out of difficult times and bought them a modicum of happiness, but it really makes no difference.

the problem with being human is being mortal. i mean, REALLY mortal. i am not ranting... i am just trying to say that u need not live ur life reacting to those around you, worrying how u are accepted, getting hurt or angry if u are not. you can BE sensitive, effeminate, feminine if that is what you are inside or how you want to be because you find it aesthetically unpleasant to be a man, or behave as men are expected to. i don't feel i have to worry about how i am accepted or not by "loved ones". FRIENDS are much more important than family, imo. you don't have to live up or down to someones expectations with a true friend. right? a real friend cares and accepts you, or u wouldn't BE friends in the first place. and who is gonna come save you when you really need saving? more than likely a friend, not a relative.

today, i am as i always was, but now i don't care so much how i affect someone. i am what i am, which is pretty great i think. i am still generous to a fault, but only because that is my nature; i cant not help someone in need. not for acceptance or out of moral responsibility, or because i am trying to score points with "god", but because, if i am able to, why not? it make me feel wonderful. on the other hand, i don't put up with someone who wants to take advantage of me or just arbitrarily mistreats me. i will come at them with a vengeance (not ever by doing anything illegal, but not necessarily using moral or "fair" tactics either). someone f###s with me, and they eventually wish they hadn't. i make a project out of it, spend the time and money to set the record straight and correct the "problem".

imo there are 2 kinds of people in this world. those that care and those that only care about themselves. it is the latter group that is responsible for all the woe in this world. i wont hesitate to oppose that sort of person. and even destroy him if needs be must (but like i have said, in a perfectly legal tho not necessarily above-board manner).

bottom line? u can be sensitive, feminine, pouty, emotional and wishy-washy. you can be introspective, caring, peaceful and loving. but u owe it to yourself to also be assertive and stand your ground when you must. otherwise u will be used, abused, laughed at and ridiculed - even by those u love and who should in return, love you. life is short. live it like you want. be happy and carefree as a lark. expect the best out of people but dont accept abuse - feeling hurt and crying is ok - but also object - catch it the moment it happens and dont run away or cower. be a Joan of Arc; raising both shield and sword when facing your enemy, and lop their f###### head off if you have to.

(figuratively speaking, of course)

[kellycan27]

I am pretty laid back for the most part. I don't like confrontation, I think i am sensitive. I will however stand up for myself.