Revealing the skeleton in my closet

[Val Tan]

Please don't get offended if I label my CD-ing as a skeleton in my closet, but that is what it is to me.

I believe I've met the love of my life. And, after serious thought, I decided I am going to reveal this skeleton in my closet. Somehow I feel compelled to be honest about myself, and my past. If she really is the love of my life, then I hope she would be understanding and accept that past. Otherwise, perhaps I made a mistake after all.

This is scary. I don't want to lose her. But I don't want to keep her by hiding this dark secret of myself, because that is just like lying to her.

This is going to be a very difficult experience writing what I want to write to her, and anticipating her reaction. Please wish me all the best.

With love,
VT

[Noxvictum]

It's not a bad thing you're doing. It's awesome you're able to be totally honest from the start. I hope everything goes well. Keep us posted!

[Jess_cd32]

............This is scary. I don't want to lose her. But I don't want to keep her by hiding this dark secret of myself, because that is just like lying to her.

This is going to be a very difficult experience writing what I want to write to her, and anticipating her reaction. Please wish me all the best.

With love,
VT

If you decide to write this to her I'd suggest you be there while she reads it. She's going to have alot of immediate questions, do you have the answers ready?
Your doing the right thing whether it works out or not, I'll be backed up on that alot here in further posts to come I'm sure.

Yes it is extremely hard to tell your SO that you cd, I know I've done it.
I only wish now that I had done it early on in the relationship.
Good luck, I hope everything works out for you both.

[boardpuppy]

If you know you are a CDer, honesty is the best policy. If you were like me and didn't know/understand for years, then there could be trouble brewing. If she doesn't except you, she wasn't the right person for you. It would hurt (her not excepting) but it's best in the long run. My best wishes and hope everything turns out well for you. Again, please keep us posted, no matter what happens (jumping for joy or a shoulder to cry on) we are here for you.

Hugs,
Alice

[kellycan27]

Yes, better she know.. no secrets. It's kind of a crap shoot, but if you tell her and she accepts... how wonderful for both of you.
Good luck. Let us know

[Kate Simmons]

As long as the skeleton is a well dressed one, I don't see a problem.:)

[TSchapes]

Congratulations on accepting yourself and knowing it is important to tell the one's that are most dear to you about your true self. It is best for both of you.

May I suggest as others have, is to tell her in person. Don't send this as a letter. You may rehearse using a letter so that you can get all your thoughts together, or you may give her a letter in person, but please be there.

Also, you said that this was in your past. Please don't fool yourself or her that this will stop now that you told her. CDing will continue, but make sure she understands that the man in you will still be there and will play that role when she needs it. It can't be all about you and your CDing. :eek:

Communication and compromise are a must!

I am proud of you for your decision, and I wish you all the best! :gh:

Love, Tracy :love:

[Teri Jean]

I think you are doing the right thing and reminds me that I need to do the same with a lady I want to see more. She's a wonderful person and hopefully she will be okay with this part of my life. Keli

[Mary Morgan]

Val, Good for you. It is the right thing to do, but please try to avoid expressions like "dark secret", or other words or phrases that make it appear that you are ashamed, or embarrassed, or think you are not normal. Her comfort level may well depend on how you present this and of course your own comfort level.

Be thoughtful and understanding.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

It is a very scarring thing to do, but I would tell her - I only wish that I had

told my spouse before we got married - but in my ignorance (I thought that

marriage would cure crossdressing), I did not - I did not realize that

crossdressing is a part of our being and that it will never go away. You

might as well tell her now - she will find out someday.

JoAnne Wheeler

[geri-tg.]

I know how you feel.I was so afriad of what would happen when I came out to my wife.That was many years ago. We are now so very happy and in love more than ever. Good luck.

[Melissa Anne]

Good luck. Like the others have said, I think you are doing the right thing. I hope it goes well for both of you.

[confusedmarie]

I wish you all the best. I think it is great you are starting the relationship with total truthfulness. I am sure she will appreciate you for it.

[Leelou]

Val, Good for you. It is the right thing to do, but please try to avoid expressions like "dark secret", or other words or phrases that make it appear that you are ashamed, or embarrassed, or think you are not normal. Her comfort level may well depend on how you present this and of course your own comfort level.

Be thoughtful and understanding.

That's a fantastic point, Mary. Don't portray this as a dark secret. This is who you are and you have no reason to be ashamed.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I think you'll be doing the right thing by telling her now.

If she feels the same about you as you do about her, than at the very least she will accept you for who you are and respect your sharing this with her. Perhaps she'll even decide that this part of your life is like a whole new area to have fun with and explore - that is how my wife felt about it when I came out to her. :)

If it turns out she cannot accept you for who you are, than it is probably best to let this play out, good or bad, before too much longer.

If she does not seem very happy about your cding, don't panic. It may be a bit much for her to take in at first. You have to allow her some time to fully take it in and get a better understanding about it. Keep in mind that most people really do not understand what crossdressing is all about. Even though that differs from cd to cd, the negative associations people often have in their mind about it is usually based on misunderstandings, being naive about it, and hearing about the worst of the bunch (as any group has a worst of the bunch). Be prepared to answer her questions as I'm certain she will have some.

When you tell her - keep in mind this is who you are. I'm very proud of who I am and I hope you are too. Tell her with pride about your life - do NOT tell her about some horrible condition you have. Cding is certainly not a horrible condition. You're about to share a beautiful gift with her - explain it in that light.

I was not offended in the slightest with your calling it a "skeleton in your closet", but I will be very offended if you explain this to the woman you love as if it is some kind of condition or affliction you suffer from.

I LOVE being a cd! :) It is the part of myself I love the most. I hope you feel the same about your gift. If you do, chances are you will have a much more positive reaction from your girlfriend than if you do not.

Be brave, Val Tan. This moment may not be easy, but it is essential. I truly believe you're doing the right thing, no matter the outcome.

If she decides she cannot handle it, at least you will know that she was indeed NOT the love of your life. Trust me when I tell you that the true love of your life will in fact love you as a whole - NOT just the part of you that society says is acceptable. That's the honest truth. :)

[rlars1]

I think it is the best thing. As an SO of a CD I am so grateful that he told me. Remember to move slowly with her. Let it sink in and make sure you let her know that you love her and that is why you wanted to share so she will understand that you trust her and truly care for her. I am willing to answer any questions she may have if you can get her on the site.

[Val Tan]

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I decided to tell her in person after all, and am waiting for the right opportunity. I know she loves me, and will accept me. But it is still scary nonetheless.

Thanks again :hugs:

[tricia_uktv]

Good luck. Telling her in person is definately the correct thing to do. Remember whose shoes your wearing.

[Samantha Kelsey]

[QUOTE= she really is the love of my life, then I hope she would be understanding and accept that past. Otherwise, perhaps I made a mistake after all.
[/QUOTE]

Hi Val, It seems to me that you are thinking this through correctly. I would bet that there are so many people on this site who now wish they could have been open at the start. Refering to your comment even if she isn't understanding and things go wrong then it's better than living a life full of secrecy and deceit. Understanding this single point helps one to realize how an SO must feel when told after year of a relationship.

[Crysten]

I applaud you for your honesty. Really, what is the alternative? If you didn't tell her, then years from now, say, she finds out. Then what? Same issue, now with years of secrecy and hiding behind it - MUCH more difficult to deal with. I firmly believe, dishonesty eats at the soul.

And, if she totally flips out, well, better to not take the plunge with someone who won't accept you -or- she says "WOW!! you're a crossdresser!!" and gives you a big hug. Then it's off to the races!!

Better to resolve it one way or the other, than to keep it in the dark.

Best of luck!!

Crysten