where should I live?

[Raquel June]

So, I live in Dayton, Ohio. I was a software engineer for a military avionics contractor, and I got laid off in November. I'm not in a relationship. I decided to finish school (I've got about a bazillion college credits in different things, but I still need about a year to get a Computer Science degree). There's really not much of any reason for me to stay in Dayton, other than the fact that I do have some good references and contacts at Northrop and General Dynamics that seem to think they could get me a job. But I do want to finish school.

But lately I'm had the strong feeling that I just need to get out of here. There's just nothing keeping me here. I have friends, but they mostly think I'm a lunatic and are worried about me since they found out about my issues. I have parents that live about 30 miles away, but I only see them a couple times a year, and while they're pretty nice to me these days and I do love them, seeing them is fairly uncomfortable. My brother lives pretty close to me, but he's pretty anti-social and has been pretty creeped out by me and not really wanted to hang out the past few months.

I can live anywhere. I don't really have much money, so I'd have to get a part-time job and a student loan somewhere, but other than that, there's just no reason for me to be in the Midwest. Not that there's a particularly promising economy anywhere I know of, but it'd be nice to go to a more TS-friendly school, and it'd be nice to go somewhere with nice weather. But I could really go anywhere. Well, I only speak English and basic Japanese, but other than that I can go anywhere! But I don't really know anything about actually living somewhere else. The only place I've ever been outside the US was England for a week. So I guess I have no idea if New Zealand or anywhere exciting would work. I know I really liked Colorado and Hawaii and parts of California when I went there. I lived in Tuscon for a year when I was little, but I don't really remember anything about it.

I mean, I've lived in Ohio for the vast majority of 33 years, and I think I'm done with it.

Apparently if you get a job with the city in San Fransisco they'll pay for your whole transition, but I doubt that would work out all that well. Places like San Fransisco and SoCal seem like they'd be awfully expensive and hard to get started in, and I'm not particularly drawn to living in a totally enormous city.

Anyway, I'm just thinkin'...

I've been pretty depressed and having a lot of trouble focusing on school and life in general. It seems like I just need to get away from here. I'm just feeling more and more trapped and totally agoraphobic at the same time. And I need to get back into therapy. I think I need to do something kinda big to jump-start my life.

[carrie_beth]

San Francisco is not enormous at all. The Bay Area would be a great place for you, I think. The main hurdle is a cheap-enough place to live. If you get into a college program you may be able to find cheap housing on campus or may be able to share a place with somebody, in general. Good luck!

[robyn1114]

I can't offer you any insight as to where to move, but I grew up about 30/45 minute south of Dayton and moved out of state 17yrs ago. My parents still live there and I go back to visit every once in awhile, but I can honestly say I don't care to ever move back to SW Ohio.

[StaceyJane]

I think moving would be a great idea. Sometimes you just need to start over. this is especially true if your TS.

[PrincessAndie]

Seattle is a nice place to live, especially capitol hill. I usually feel safe walking around at all hours and have not really run into too many close minded people here. generally if you can live in a city on the west coast you should feel pretty comfortable. My other choices would be Portland Oregon, San Franscico California, and of course Manhattan NY.

I lived in New England last year (Boston), and didn't like it. Too many close minded people there, and the weather is just awful. I moved back to seattle 4 months ago and love it here.

[Kayla Shadows]

Anyway, I'm just thinkin'...

I've been pretty depressed and having a lot of trouble focusing on school and life in general. It seems like I just need to get away from here. I'm just feeling more and more trapped and totally agoraphobic at the same time. And I need to get back into therapy. I think I need to do something kinda big to jump-start my life.

I hear ya.Right now I dont see anything for me here.I just want someplace to feel comfortable.I have a apartment in a place I dont want to be and this doesnt feel like a home...it feels like nothing.California sounded nice.Maybe somewhere outside the city where its cheaper but still close to where I can go there when I want.I want to work on my employment situation and find something better suiting towards the new life I want to create.

[Raquel June]

I lived in New England last year (Boston), and didn't like it. Too many close minded people there, and the weather is just awful. I moved back to seattle 4 months ago and love it here.

Really? Is the weather in Seattle/Portland that much better than Boston?

[Zenith]

Really? Is the weather in Seattle/Portland that much better than Boston?

I vote for San Fran, Seattle, San Diego, San Antonio, Santa Fe, all very diverse and rich places to live.

Seattle is rainy but not as much as it's made out to be...and being near the ocean the weather is milder...plus you get Puget Sound, Vancouver, etc...I loved my visit there...:)

[CharleneT]

Locals can give better advice, but you can live in the bay area for reasonable money. Try a town like San Mateo, there is also a nice college there.

San Diego is boring, the weather dead on perfect almost every day, but you will be doing battle with huge traffic and the people tend to much in the plastic direction ...

Seattle is wonderful, once you get used to the weather. I hear that doesn't take that long. My son in law lives there and he says the hardest thing for him to get used to is mowing the lawn in the rain ( you can't wait for a dry spell or it grows to fast).

[Karen564]

I think the most important thing to do right now is find a place where you can find a good paying job in your field, TS friendly, and hopefully also a decent school in the area to finish your education,.. and where ever that is, it is...

I would love to get out of Mass in the worst way., but my kids are here, and I would miss too much if I moved far away.

[Raquel June]

The Bay area would be lovely... As long as it was some place with at least a few trees. And I suppose traffic is pretty terrible anywhere around there.

I have heard that the per capita ratio of crazy foreigners in SoCal is a bit steep.

I know some people really like San Antonio and especially Austin ... but is it really that tolerant of a place? I'm not saying transitioning is easy anywhere, but Texas?

[Zenith]

San Diego is boring, the weather dead on perfect almost every day, but you will be doing battle with huge traffic and the people tend to much in the plastic direction ...

No way, yes, that is everywhere desirable, and...huh?

Yes it is Texas...but Austin and San Antonio are as good as it gets for liberal tolerance...in Texas...

[Elise.Matei]

I love the Rockies and could see living outside a city like Colorado Springs for instance. I also find the Northwest fascinating and think I could live near Seattle. Being so steeped in the Twilight books right now (half way thru Eclipse) I am drawn to the Olympia Peninsula. I used to think I could never ever live where it rains so much, but now I don't think it would bother me. The Oregon coast is supposed to be magnificent, and I've been to San Fran and KNOW it would be amazing there.

Since you DID mention your educational status and your work history in your opening post... am I deviating from your thread to I suggest that where you should live should be somewhere that is close to a suitable university so you can finish your degree? That way you will equip yourself with skills that will most likely be in high-demand as the IT sciences continue to advance. Then you will qualify for a good paying position that has a great future. This will enable you to move to many more places than perhaps you are able to at the present.

So I say, you should live in Columbus, OH or Ann Arbor, MI, for now - or some other college town, which may not be where you will live forever, obviously - but will allow you finish your degree at a university IN those places you could live (e.g. Ohio State U or the University of Michigan).

THEN after a few short years of living in that kind of place? A college town? When you next ask "Where should I live"... and now holding a Bachelor of Science degree in your hot little hand? The answer will be "Any damn place you want." In other words.... you will have many more options than you obviously have right now - in terms of where to live, that is.

[Raquel June]

I love the Rockies and could see living outside a city like Colorado Springs for instance.

Funny you would mention that. When I was about 15 my parents sent me to some religious camp in Colorado Springs. It was some place for screwed up kids, I guess ... I just remember them talking about creationism and sex being bad and homosexuality being bad ... But I remember all the other kids there seemed pretty OK, and one day we went and walked up Pike's Peak. I really liked it out there, and I went back a few years ago just to walk up Pike's Peak again.



Since you DID mention your educational status and your work history in your opening post... am I deviating from your thread to I suggest that where you should live should be somewhere that is close to a suitable university so you can finish your degree?
...
So I say, you should live in Columbus, OH or Ann Arbor, MI, for now - or some other college town

I do want to finish college, but I lived in Columbus for 8 years already (it's less than an hour away). My parents live 30 minutes away, and they're hardcore Born Agains. My only relatives outside Ohio are my aunt/uncle/cousins who live in Ann Arbor (my uncle is a Baptist minister) and my three grandparents who live in Orlando. I do like all these people, but ... well ... I really am just not comfortable around them.

I mean, when I got my ears pierced when I was 30 years old, my parents went all pissy, and my aunt's comforting words to me were, "Don't worry! I don't think you're gay!" :rolleyes:

Not that I'm angry at them for being religious. It's just uncomfortable.

[Elise.Matei]

You are being too kind, which since they're family one would tend to be - as I was with my parents whom I loved dearly.

My real thoughts about institutional religion is that it is superstitious nonsense and dangerous. There is no place for 1st century belief systems in the 21st century. But I mean I dont get what your family has to do with deciding where to live, or why you shouldnt go to school in Clumbus or Ann Arbor. Oh... unless it's because it makes it affordable by living with them? In which case, yeah... don't blame you for not! If you get accepted by U of M I could probably assist you wrt living arrangements. I have properties very near A2 that I'm sure wont sell over the next few years - and I am very reluctant to take the heavy loss I would suffer if I sold in this depressed market just to unload.

So Hey... Get urself admitted to UM and if you agree to do all the little maintenance things like keeping it clean, cutting the lawn, shoveling the walks, etc. you can stay there for free until you get your degree. (there's one other property not too far from there you'd have to take car of too tho - unless I manage to sell it, which like I say, whats the chance of that).

How many times a day do u get an offer like THAT?! LOL. Aint I cool?

[Gina S]

Hi Racquel,
I grew up in Indiana, so I know how things can be, especially this time of year. I've traveled quite a bit throughout the US and have lived on both coasts for a period of time. I currently live in Hawaii, were I've been for a number of years. Although Hawaii can be a great place to live, it's a lot different working and living on the island versus visiting as a tourist. If I could choose to move somewhere else, Seattle area would be #1 on my list with Portland a close 2nd.
I've been traveling up to Seattle on a yearly basis for the past few years and find it to be a very liberal town regarding alternative lifestyles. Boeing has a huge facility there as well as several other high tech firms, so job opportunities may be greater given your background.
I was in Portland this past summer, another beautiful city with liberal views as far as alternative lifestyles go.
Both have great universities.
One of the things I like best about both of these places is with a short drive you can be out in the countryside with mountains, lakes or even the ocean in certain cases. A nice contrast from the "Big City".
If you have the time, a good opportunity for a road trip in May might work for you. For the past 20 years there has been a TG conference held in Port Angeles called "Esprit" http://www.espritconf.com/ . There are a number of local girls from Washington and Oregon that attend, they could give you first hand details about those areas as well as employment and educational opportunities. This will be my third year attending, it's a great conference that's low key, low stress and fun.
If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.
Take Care,
Aloha,
Gina

[JeanneF]

I know some people really like San Antonio and especially Austin ... but is it really that tolerant of a place? I'm not saying transitioning is easy anywhere, but Texas?

We were contemplating a move to Austin last year. From the couple of visits that I did down there, it's a really cool, liberal college town. If the job would have come through, I would have moved.

Transitioning won't be easy regardless, but if you're in an area that's more openminded, it can be a little less hard.

Since you're a tech person, the Bay Area or Pacific Northwest can definitely be a good place to be. If nothing else, it's going to be better than SW Ohio. Either would be very high on my list of places to relocate if the right opportunity presented itself.

[Super Amanda]

Can't go wrong here in Tucson! Best weather in the continental US!It's a pretty open minded place as well.

[Raquel June]

But I mean I dont get what your family has to do with deciding where to live, or why you shouldnt go to school in Clumbus or Ann Arbor. Oh... unless it's because it makes it affordable by living with them? In which case, yeah... don't blame you for not! If you get accepted by U of M I could probably assist you wrt living arrangements.

Well that's a pretty nice offer. :)

I just think I need to get away from the midwest in general. It's hard to explain. I love my family, but I need to get away from them. I would never be able to live with them. I moved out right after high school.

It's an interesting idea, though ... I went to Ohio State for a few years and the thought of living in Ann Arbor certainly hadn't crossed my mind. But money has been such a huge stress in my life for so long ...




Since you're a tech person, the Bay Area or Pacific Northwest can definitely be a good place to be. If nothing else, it's going to be better than SW Ohio. Either would be very high on my list of places to relocate if the right opportunity presented itself.

Yeah, I guess I just need some kind of opportunity instead of just blindly relocating to go to school.

My former roommate's brother lives in S.F. And a pretty good friend of mine is a professional poker player in L.A. and thinks he owes me a few favors and says I could at least sleep on his couch for awhile. He was saying housing is really expensive but at a lot of schools tuition is really cheap.

Oh, and two TS friends of mine (not really close friends, but super nice people ) just moved to Seattle about three months ago.

I just don't know!

[Starling]

...I just don't know!

You're all up in the air, Racquel. I sympathize. Maybe you should take a few deep breaths and listen to some music.

:meditate: Lallie

[AKAMichelle]

I think your decision needs to revolve around multiple issues. Therefore, I had laid out the case for moving to Colorado.

1) You could attend a highly recognized school at University of Colorado. Boulder is a very progressive city and rivals San Francisco.
2) Colorado has gender protection laws for employment, housing, and bathrooms.
3) Colorado Springs has a high concentration of the same type of companies you have been working for. McDonald Douglas / Boeing / Northrup-Gruman and many others
4) Denver has some of the other big tech companies. Denver is like Silicon Valley East.
5) Summers are mild / Winters can be tough but not much different than Ohio. Low Humidity.
6) Plenty to do in the state year around. There is always the mountains.
7) Cost of living slightly higher than what you are accustomed to, but shouldn't be that bad.

I think that covers most of the items to consider

[Raquel June]

Well, I do like Colorado Springs. I was just talking to some people at a bar two weeks ago who work for SNC (a military contractor) in Colorado who happened to be in Dayton.

I never realized Denver and Dayton were the same latitude. I guess I just thought it was warmer there, but I was only ever there in the summer.

[PrincessAndie]

The weather is much more mild in Seattle. Boston's winters are so harsh, and the summers are so hot and muggy. It does not rain as much as people think in Seattle. Only 2 months a year are bad.(january and february)

[kathtx]

Lots of good suggestions above. Here's one more: Albuquerque. It's home to UNM, is inexpensive, and is diverse and tolerant. Also, there are many R&D companies there because of the proximity to the USAF lab at Kirtland AFB and Sandia Labs, both located there.

[Sharon]

Whereever you move to will become home to you, but if I had my druthers it would be to someplace warm year-round with no crazy weather -- i.e. hurricanes, tornadoes, etc.

I'd try to sell you on the merits of the Philly 'burbs, but there's room for only one of us here and I ain't moving..., unless it's to a warm year-round place with no crazy weather. :)

[Maria2222]

Come to Wisconsin. We've got great schools. The terrain is super. Everything from mini mountains to plains and forests. There are plenty of good schools here also.
People are friendly, but I wouldn't call it a CD paradise. It's no better or no worse than anyplace else that way.
You'll have to learn to shovel snow, though. LOL.

[Stargirl]

If you can hit the road, take a few scouting trips. Maybe someone can go with you to save on expenses. When I was looking for a new locale away from Florida, I took notes. If the people in a town seemed stressed, incredibly dumb, or moody, I kept going. I always wanted natural beauty, and avoided suburban hell holes. I like an affordable living situation with low crime. Either I bought property, or lived in an RV for awhile. If humans are unhappy, we have to make a change. Don't settle for anything that doesn't feel bearable. The whole mood of a job can grow bitter, as can a town.

I am famous for moving if I get bad neighbors. I always say "it's better to live wi$ely in a nice little town than own a big man$ion in yuppieville." I am lucky. I live in a "poor" town with potential, but I can head in any direction, and never get bored for long.(Vegas trips are fun) Paying inflated rent, and working a stressful job is just not the thing to do. It defeats the whole purpose of living at all. I am sure that you will weigh decisions carefully. And you can take your time. Check out a potential hometown under different conditions. If you are happy there even when things are hard, you won't wonder if it's the right move. You will know that it is. At least for awhile.

[Sally2005]

One year is not a long time. I don't know if university credits can be fully transfered to another school in the US, so maybe you are better to just tough it out for the final year, then move where you get employment. I've travelled for work to many places in the states. San Francisco is nice, but big and a lot of traffic and expensive, the people are nice and there are a lot of high tech. Texas is too hot for me. Good luck!

[Tommie T.]

I think you'll find Denver and Colorado Springs warmer than Dayton in spite of similar latitudes and despite the higher elevation.Colorado receives way over 300 days of sunshine!Even in the winter the sun warms things up and typically a snowfall is shortlived.Send me a note when you get settled.I come out and visit.

[Elise.Matei]

I know! I was amazed to discover how much sun CO gets. I could easily live there. All this talk is making me antsy. I just don't like Michigan weather. I know CO gets alot of snow but they also get alot of sun AND when it is cold there, it's not the same as a damp Michigan cold. MI and OH are not very pleasant weather wise. And, how cool it would be to drive 15 - 20 minutes and be in the mountains or, in some beautiful lush forest, like in WA. On the other hand, I have to agree with Sally. If all you have to go is one - or even two years, even though you are obviously jazzed to get away - I would just bite the bullet and get it over with at OSU or UM first. Its alot of work, yeah, but you just do it and the time will go by very fast. Obama is making educational access and college tuition assistance a high priority so very soon you will likely qualify for a significant student loan to take care of your coursework and books. Question: Years ago I thought I heard college in CA is free. Is this still the case? If so, that's where I'd go if I were you! Maybe.

[AmandaM]

In CA, junior college is cheap for residents here, I think one year for residency. About 20 bucks a credit. I would finish the degree no matter what. While finishing, you can figure out where to move.

[Raquel June]

I know, I really should just bite the bullet and finish school here instead of transferring again. I'm just flaking out. I'm going to see if I pay for student health coverage if they can give me any kind of therapy cheap so I can try to get my brain together a little better. My TG support group actually just tonight had a little presentation from a professor at my school who seems to specialize in sex-related psychology. That was kinda cool.




If the people in a town seemed stressed, incredibly dumb, or moody, I kept going.

You mean there are towns that aren't like that?

[Katrina]

I think you should finish your schooling first...schools tend to be picky about transfer credit. Then...

I'f I wasn't tied to the East coast, I'd move to either Portland, OR or Seattle in a heartbeat. I absolutely loved those cities when I visited. The rain they get there is not like the rain we get elsewhere. It is a fine mist that you can actually do stuff in. When my sister moved out to Portland, she said it took a little while for her to get used to the idea of doing stuff while it is raining. She said that people elsewhere tend to hunker down and stay inside when it rains, but you just live your life normally out there. She jogged in the rain all the time.

That said, it would be great to have another TG friend in the Baltimore/DC area that I'd never get a chance to hang out with. :) There are lots of software jobs here.

[Stargirl]

Boulder City, Nevada.(clean, pretty and has NO casinos) Many towns in Colorado are very bearable. In an ideal world, I would bop from Arizona/California (north)/Nevada/ to Southern Colorado (San Luis Valley) in a seasonal pattern.

There are towns that control sign pollution, and have a strict visual standard. (In Taos, NM. Wal Mart must have smaller unobtrusive buildings, and signs) Of course, there will always be two legged weasels who think that it's okay to dump their garbage/unwanted pets along the highway, or sponsor mud boggin' contests in their back yards, but the better towns reel them in, lest they drive away the $$$ tourists. I did a Google search, and found a whole list of nice places. Once we become part of the rat race, we may win the race, but we are still rats. The key is to not be part of that silly rat competition. Some people love it. For others, it's a death sentence. Try to find a home base located in an area of opportunity, and don't make landlords rich.

http://www.nevadaweb.com/cnt/lv/boulder/pix/bcstreet.jpg