I have given alot of thought.....

[Dannie Lefae]

to all the posts I have read about the internal struggles and the devides between our masculin and feminine sides. Something was not fitting into place for me and I couldn't figure out what it was. So after alot of thought, analyzing, and discussion with my SO, I have discovered what felt odd for me. It was the "Alter-ego" way of thinking. I know I do not have multiple personalities nor do I pretend to be someone else when I am dressed, and in know way am I saying that anyone else does, I am just saying that for me dressing is simply another way for me to expressing another, softer, creative, sexier side of who I already am. So, with this new revelation, I have decided that I no longer need a seperate name for dressing. I am going to use my given name, Dannie, short for Daniel. I want to say again, that in no way am I saying that anyone else who uses a different name or has an alter-ego has multiple personalities or are pretending, I am saying that is how I felt about me.

Dannie

[DonnaT]

Well, not many of us really have an alternate personality, or a split personality, really.

Some just find it easier to express their thought that way.

Personally, I am just me, no matter how I dress. The fem name is for when out and about mostly. Draws less attention, don't you know ;)

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Dannie - we are all on a journey - we are all different - we all have different

needs and desires - we all have different degrees and levels of crossdressing

- we are all different and YET we are all here because we are crossdressers

who need desperately to express our inner Femininity - what works for you

may be different than what works for me - and that's okay - we are still

sisters who are joined by the magical, bewildering, satisfying thing called

crossdressing that we HAVE to do. - So if you have found your place or

niche on that great spectrum of crossdressing, I am happy for you.

Your Sister forever,

JoAnne Wheeler

[Paola Lobos]

Dannie,

Your point is one I keep repeating to my wife. No matter how I am dressed, I'm still me. Nothing has changed except the exterior. Having flexibility with the gender I manifest makes me feel more comfortable, but the person inside is exactly the same -- for better or worse. She gets it most of the time, but sometimes wonders who that weird guy is wearing the silicon boobs. I choose to have two names just because it is fun.

Love,

Paola

[Karren H]

Welll... I'm me no matter what clothes I wear of what I call myself.....

[kellycan27]

Yes we are all different, sounds like you may have figured out what makes you tick, and your motivation... Awesome!
Kelly

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

It sounds like you've really figured out how to be yourself, Dannie. I think that's great! :)

I think it is society that forces the "alter-ego" thing. That's how it worked for me. Growing up, I had several effeminate mannerisms and behavioral patterns, not to mention I was very emotional. Being a man, this kind of thing was not allowed, and so I created the character that society expected: "Gabe", my man side.

I still keep my sides separate. I have to right now because I cannot yet feasibly support myself as Gabrielle. And I cannot allow Gabe to just be Gabrielle in a man-suit because I'll end up where I was years ago - under the ridicule of everyone around me. I'm not going back there again. If they are to ridicule me in the future - let it be as Gabrielle... but when the time is right.

Oddly enough, I think Gabe is my alter-ego, not the other way around. He's some character I was forced to live most of my life as, while Gabrielle was forced deep down inside for so long.

I have a long way to go to achieve integration for myself. I'm sure that when I do, I will be happier for it. :)

[Hope]

I hear you - loud and clear.

I personally have found the popular use of both the first and the third person to refer to oneself here to be a bit disconcerting. "I like to go and buy clothes for Julie" As if Julie were a completely separate person. While it might be the experience for some folks that they are living with multiple identities in their body (though I would be surprised if that were the case for the vast majority) it seems to be a particularly odd quirk of this community. And that might just be saying something.

[AllieSF]

I agree with Karren. I am me no matter how I present myself. The one thing that caught my eye in your thread is your reference to the feminine side (softer, creative and sexier) of you that comes out when you are dressed. I hope I did not mis-interpret your words. I always mention that I am just expressing my feminine side, or just letting it out when I dress. However, for me those are just words to saying that I like to dress up. I actually, sometimes refer to all this as my opportunity to have a costume party for one. I do not necessarily feel more or less feminine when dressed. I just feel great, in a happy mood and want to have a good time interacting with others while dressed as a woman. Do you ever get that feeling too, i.e. not so much feminine but just released and free to have fun while dressed?

[MissConstrued]

I personally have found the popular use of both the first and the third person to refer to oneself here to be a bit disconcerting. "I like to go and buy clothes for Julie" As if Julie were a completely separate person.


Little or no sense of self, perhaps?

I have yet to meet a tomboy type who gives herself a "butch" name. Even among the butchest dykes I've ever met. They might use a nickname -- i.e. Samantha gets shortened to Sam -- but nothing approaching the level of personality-splitting that goes on here.

I think it's the refusal, or the inability, to integrate one's self into a whole.

I did try, before I signed up here, to come up with another name for myself. A nod to convention, I suppose. But nothing appealed to me, and the reason has become clear. There isn't anyone else inside my head -- it's just me.

And Zarbu. :eek:

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Little or no sense of self, perhaps?

I did try, before I signed up here, to come up with another name for myself. A nod to convention, I suppose. But nothing appealed to me, and the reason has become clear. There isn't anyone else inside my head -- it's just me.

And Zarbu. :eek:

I on the other hand DO have that other person in my head, so the split personality thing works well though I don't talk to myself as much as I should ;)

*hugs*

Zarabeth

[Ashlie Marie]

I had those same feelings for quite some time when I first starting going out in public. around friends and typing online always sadi things like Ashlie has to pee or who is going to buy Ash a drink, Well last fall at somepoint after talking with my wife and firends I just realized I am me. I never liked the name Jess for some reason so I chose a fun name. So yeah boobs or not hair curled or tied back I am me.

[Kayla Shadows]

Something was not fitting into place for me and I couldn't figure out what it was. So after alot of thought, analyzing, and discussion with my SO, I have discovered what felt odd for me. It was the "Alter-ego" way of thinking.
Dannie

I understand what you saying.While I was trying to figure myself out I didnt know what was going on.I know I am not two different people though.I dont become someone else when I get dressed but,there is a sense of freedom when I do.In a way that,when I dress,I am no longer trying to hide my normal actions that I do as a guy.All the things that people have looked at me strange for,which made me suppress myself,are let out without fear.I can fully be the person I am. There is a lot that doesnt quite fit for me...including my other name.Im not creating a different person.Im creating me.

[deja true]

I think for most of us, the new name is a way to get closer to the femimine. Even a transwoman would probably not want to keep Derek or Robert or Arnold, would they? But many, like you, will still opt for a feminine version of their birth name. In that way, also like you, they still remain attached to that which they were and can grow into that which they are becoming.

There's a mystique to a pseudonym that appeals to many of us. Not just for anonymity, but also as the marker of an identity that many do indeed want to hold at arm's length a little.

No, we're not split personalities in the psycho-analytical sense. But it could be that the seperate name, espcially if it's far removed from from our birth name, is a function of that male penchant for "pigeon-holing" our various interests. When we're girls, we're girls. When we're at work, we're working. When we're playing hockey, (:D)we're hockey players...and very seldom do the partitions between the boxes come down.

It's a great thread, Dannie, very thought provoking!

[geri-tg.]

Good in-put. I also feel I am showing my softer and more gentle side when dressed.My wife knows I am still me no matter how I am dressed.:thumbsup:

[Rachel B]

Pseudonyms are nothing to do with split personality disorders.

Dictionary reference states it as "A ficticious alternative to a persons real name!"

I would assume most of us are expressing our needs/desires to be feminine. There are definitions of feminine and masculine names. So it's easy to see the requirement of a pseudonym to meet the requirements of fitting in.

Male writers have used female pseudonyms to get books/articles published in a female genre and vice versa. Examples of which; Dean R Koontz writing as Deanna Dwyer, Joanne Kathleen Rowling shortened to JK Rowling so as to sound more masculine, the Bronte sisters writing as Currer, Ellis and Acton Bell, Louisa May Alcott writing as A.M Barnard and Mary ann Evans who is most famously the women behind the the works of one George Eliot!

If I were to write for a female audience I would use the name Rachel, so it stands to reason that if I were presenting as female I would have a female nondeplum!

Rach

[Angie G]

Okey Dannie it is hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Sammy777]

Hello Dannie.
It is nice to see you have found your happy place.

I think the main reasons behind why most of us use a female is it makes things easier. Especially for those that are not out or at least not fully out yet.

I do agree that talking about your female side in the 3rd person could get confusing, but for a lot it is sort of a necessary evil.
[OK talking about your female self in here in the 3rd person could be a bit odd]
Also a lot here do not want to be out -n- about all gussied up and be called their given male name.
There are some in here that have no problem with that though.

It all depends on each persons comfort level and not so much on a "my male/female sides" split personality type thing.

Even if someone [like myself] feels the same inside while dressed as their male or female "sides" using a female name just makes things go easier in life and out in public most times.

For me, I do not think of Sam as a different person or even a different part of me. But at the same time I would much rather NOT be called my male name when I am out dressed.
It has more to do with avoiding any possible confrontations then it does with being able to "pass/blend/ect".
Being called "Bob" in public, while dressed, sort of takes all the guess work out of it for people.

PS: I sorta think of my female name the same way I think of a nickname that is used by people around me when I am dressed.

[Hope]

I do agree that talking about your female side in the 3rd person could get confusing, but for a lot it is sort of a necessary evil.
[OK talking about your female self in here in the 3rd person could be a bit odd]
Also a lot here do not want to be out -n- about all gussied up and be called their given male name.
There are some in here that have no problem with that though.

PS: I sorta think of my female name the same way I think of a nickname that is used by people around me when I am dressed.

This is definitely the way that makes the most sense to me... I certainly use a femme name when dressed, but when I am en drab I don't refer to my femme self as "she" or "Hope" or as some additional person who might return to the room at any moment...

[Kate Simmons]

Part of the reason for having a female name may be part of self acceptance and self validation that gives ownership of the feelings to us. My goal had always been to go by my own guy name en femme as well. As it is, I went one better than that and since balancing and integrating the feelings have been able to be myself without dressing and even use either name in either mode. It's all a part of me in any case. The difference is that if I do dress nowadays, it's a choice rather than a compulsion.:)

[Sammy777]

Thanks Hope

[Joanne f]

There are many who wish i had a split personality, preferably done with an axe :heehee: straight down the middle

[Jonianne]

.......There isn't anyone else inside my head -- it's just me.......

Exactly....... That is also why I ended up choosing Joni (pronounced Johnny), because even having a different name just didn't seem right for me and my personality.

[SouthernBelle.GG]

Dannie,

My DH felt the same way about using a femme name here. He's never used one IRL, but when he registered here, he thought he should. After being called the femme name a few times by other members, it just didn't feel right to him so he changed it. No biggie.

SouthernBelle

[Satrana]

Congrats on your moment of revelation. Hopefully there will be more to come. But this is an important first step to unlearning bad habits that come from a closeted lifestyle, namely depositing your femininity into a separate container.

Containing feelings is a method typically deployed to limit psychological damage or constrain destructive behavior. By keeping our femininity separate from our male selves, CDs are acknowledging the two are incompatible or undesirable to be merged into one. In other words we are kowtowing to society's prejudices.

Unlearning this mode of thought will allow you to accept yourself and understand that an effeminate male really is a normal and healthy state of existence - that is not a prep talk for the CD community to feel better about themselves. Eventually once you dismantle the internal divisions you will comprehend you do not even need the clothes to feel feminine nor do you need to seek validation from others asking them to accept your femininity. You can be yourself and exhibit your feelings in any manner you see fit.

[ReineD]

First, congratulations on your new insight, Dannie! :hugs:

I remember about a year after I began dating my SO, she became irritated one day when I mentioned her femme self in the third person. I didn't understand then that it was about integration. I took it that she was developing an exclusive female self. :doh:

We all grow in our understanding. :)

This is an excellent thread and again I have questions ... :rolleyes:, but I've posted them in a separate thread entitled Integration (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=103621) so as not to hijack this one.
:hugs:

[JulieC]

I too do not like the idea of their being a split personality in my head. I'm me, all of me, and that includes CD aspects. Sometimes I can express them, sometimes I can not.

My wife and I recently took to using a femme pseudonym to refer to me as CD me but only for certain cases. In particular, when out shopping and I'm in drab, her asking me "Do you think Julie would like this?" is easier than putting a dress up against me and asking me if I like it. This is also useful in front of our (young, but perceptive) children.

But, we do not and I would never want to encapsulate femme aspects of me into "Julie". It doesn't begin to describe me.

[Leslie Mary S]

Many times when daughter and drab me are shopping we will ask " will Leslie like this?" etc.

[Nicki B]

I want to say again, that in no way am I saying that anyone else who uses a different name or has an alter-ego has multiple personalities or are pretending, I am saying that is how I felt about me.

It's my experience that some, certainly, choose the name of someone they admire or would wish to model themselves on? A sort of 'who they aspire to be'??


I personally have found the popular use of both the first and the third person to refer to oneself here to be a bit disconcerting. "I like to go and buy clothes for Julie" As if Julie were a completely separate person.

Sometimes, it's just easy, for clarity, to refer to 'him' and 'her'. In reality, gender isn't just either/or anyway, but that's the way society assumes it is?

I guess I'm saying it's not just the trans community that works on that presumption..

[Raquel June]

The whole idea of a different name never really occurred to me until I started getting involved online. I actually like my boy name, and I don't want people to think my girl name is some kind of CD alter-ego. I'm just being myself.

I don't care what name people call me, but I'm not particularly fond of being referred to with male pronouns, so with that in mind I don't want to go by a typically male name. I think it would be asking too much of people for me to use a male name then ask to be called "she" in conversation.

[Hope]

Sometimes, it's just easy, for clarity, to refer to 'him' and 'her'. In reality, gender isn't just either/or anyway, but that's the way society assumes it is?

I guess I'm saying it's not just the trans community that works on that presumption..

Society certainly assumes that gender is a binary state. It is certainly not just the trans community that works on that presumption; I guess I wonder why we would work on that presumption at all. I would guess that only a small percentage of people here understand gender to be binary. Certainly we cannot expect society to become more aware if we are not going to.

[Berinthia]

"Bobbie" is always taken, (he he), some of X-dressing appeal is why my sister has 200 pairs of shoes, psychologists are hired to read people's minds and see what clothing turns them on. It's not feminine or masculine, it's monetary. Women are miles ahead when it comes to fashion and clothes.
Before the Roman Empire went Christian, they didn't even have a word for "gay" I believe every ancient Greek statesman had a boyfriend, it was about HOW YOU HANDLED IT. There is some weird group-psychology rule that says the guy who ignores everybody else is called "leader"

[Nicki B]

I would guess that only a small percentage of people here understand gender to be binary.

Sadly, it often doesn't seem that way..