Newbie with a couple questions

[phoenix1105]

A little while back my ex-fiancés got me to crossdress when we had sex. It was my first time and I liked it... Since then I have spent a fortune with the CD habit. I guess my question is this, is it a normal part of CDing to feel stuff like guilt, confusion, and a little embarrassment? I enjoy going and buying all of the nice and comfy bras and panties. It is just sometimes late at night I lay in bed and think wtf am I doing... Does everyone go through this type of adjustment?

[Lisa Golightly]

I think everyone experiences that... Even the odd TS on occasion. :)

[crazybiker]

Ah ha ha... yeauh! I use ta do it, but now I almost find my new top that i just bought and my bra more comfortable than a plain old T.

[O2B Barbara]

It took a lot of years and a few purges to come to grips with my desire to dress. I finally gave in and now look forward and embrace it as often as I can. It is just a part of me now and no more guilt.

[phoenix1105]

Since I am a relative newcomer, is there a edu post like"the idiots guide to CDing?" I have a ton of question, but I am not sure where to begin. I do appreciate everyon's response though:)

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I think your confusion, guilt, and embarrassment stems from the fact that your mind has been filled with all the stupid gender rules society has reinforced in all of us throughout our entire lives.

I spent most of my life hating who I was, hating that I have the urge to cd, feeling extremely guilty when I did, and terribly embarrassed about it. It was only in recent years that I finally began to accept myself as a crossdresser and even came out to my wife. A big weight lifted and I really began to love who I am, love the fact that I'm a cd, and truly enjoy this aspect of my life.

We're born who we are. At a young age, we start to realize that we're a little different because the roles that society teaches us we must fit into are not what we would choose. The reality is that we're born as very normal people, until society fills our heads with a bunch of garbage about who they want us to be.

You're perfectly normal, Phoenix. :) I really think your late night thoughts are just your mind trying to figure out where you fit into society. The conflict is caused by the knowledge that society, on the whole, seems to have a problem letting people be themselves. Conformity, and strict gender roles/rules is the sad "accepted norm". Keep in mind that society once saw fit to keep women from voting and blacks from drinking out of the same water fountains as whites. :eek: That was once the accepted norm. Pretty stupid, huh?

I hope this helps you to better understand that you are nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Free your mind of those idiotic rules society has embedded in you. For what it's worth, I still get stuck in them myself. In my case, I made a conscious decision to NOT allow society control who I am. I'm still semi-closeted mostly to remain employed and for safety reasons, but I'm working toward personal growth and progress on that front.

Take it easy, Phoenix. Try not to let these feelings get the best of you. I love my gift (cding). I hope you learn to as well. Life becomes a whole lot happier when you can be comfortable with who you are and realize how very stupid society's gender rules really are. :)

[sally1980]

Hi Phoenix.
I am not certain about much in life but there is one thing I AM sure about.
We have all been confused, uncertain and concerned - which is exactly why this site is so good. It helps normalise a complicated life.

Good luck in your search and if you ever find the answer for Gods sake let us all in on the secret :confused2:

[JoannaCaroline]

Don't worry you're normal! At least by our standards if not by all of society. Almost everyone goes through all of that to some extent. Some get over it very quickly. Apparently some on this board never get over it.

You'll see some of this guilt manifest itself in a lot of other problems that people express on this board. It can cause relationship, work, personal problems and you'll realize when someone is venting here that some of it goes back to personal guilt.

You'll have to figure out if you can get over it. I did in my early 20's.

If you can come to accept yourself, it will make it a lot easier for others to accept you.

[deja true]

Joanna's words express it perfectly, Phoenix...

And from the tone of your post, you're gonna be thinking about this guilt thing a lot. If you want to get over it, start by reading here and take the examples you find , of minds in turmoil and minds at peace, and determine which you'd rather be.

It's not a mental illness...no reasonable psych professional would categorize it that way.

It's not against the law...there are no statutes in any state that would deny you this pleasure.

In fact, by using it to get in touch with your more sensitive and repressed emotions and feelings, you may actually be doing yourself a favor.

"Idiots guide to CDing"? In many years worth of archived threads right here on this site, I'm betting that every question you can ever come up with has prolly been answered at least a half dozen times. But you can ask 'em all over again, if you like. New folks join us daily and so the same questions keep coming back. That's okay... if we didn't like talking about this stuff, we wouldn't do it! :)

References to literature here and links to other sites and blogs will open up a whole new world to you. And it's a stimulating and enriching world, too.

Welcome, dear one...

Ask away!

:)

[tricia_uktv]

Guilt, confusion and embarassment all add to the excitement of doing it. But in time, as many here have said, it all settles down and you start to become the person that you want. In the meantime - enjoy yourself and have fun!

[Karren H]

Oh hell yeah!! Like decades worth!! From like age 7 throuth 37!! Lol. But it pass... And I'm happy to report that I'm over the guilt!! And confusion.. But I've been crossdressing for half a century... Sigh....

[JoAnne Wheeler]

ABSOLUTELY - we all do initially


JoAnne Wheeler

[Lorileah]

Since I am a relative newcomer, is there a edu post like"the idiots guide to CDing?" I have a ton of question, but I am not sure where to begin. I do appreciate everyon's response though:)

Fourth aisle, third shelf next to the walking dogs for dummies. :)

If only there were a book like that. Ours would probably be more in the Health and beauty aisle on how to wear make up.

The fact is that there are thousands of various crossdressing people on here and no one book would fit the bill. Hang with us though and we will mold you ( not too moldy maybe close to a good Camembert and not a Limburger) into a beautiful butterfly. You will soon be strutting down the sidewalk with attitude baby! It is all confidence. Read through older posts and you will see this. The guilt is societal. Women don't put on boxers and feel guilty. The confusion passes when you figure out you can't hook your bra while it is in frontwards. and embarrassment? Shoot I do that no matter what I wear. 10 minutes later I am off to my next faux paux. ( I just say Mea culpa and move on).

This is a place you can be yourself and learn to grow. You can tell us your foibles, your concerns, your angst. You can ask does this go with this? You can ask does mt butt look fat in this and 90% of the time we will say "No you go girl" :)

Life is for living and we are who we are. I am still looking for that stone tablet that says "This is a male only article of clothing and this is a female only article of clothing" They are YOUR articles of clothing. If it feels good and your are not harming someone else It cannot be bad :)

[Christina Horton]

A little while back my ex-fiancés got me to crossdress when we had sex. It was my first time and I liked it... Since then I have spent a fortune with the CD habit. I guess my question is this, is it a normal part of CDing to feel stuff like guilt, confusion, and a little embarrassment? I enjoy going and buying all of the nice and comfy bras and panties. It is just sometimes late at night I lay in bed and think wtf am I doing... Does everyone go through this type of adjustment?

The funny thing is aside for the confusion I have never felt the guilt or the embarrassment of it. Well to be 100% HONEST Mike can not be embarrassed.......ever. And trust me people have tryed. I think Christina might be embarrassable , cuz once when I was out dressed my skirt allmost fell to the floor in the mall just befor Christmas. I cought it but thought wow that could have been embarrassing. Then it struck me wow Christina almose got embarrassed holy sh#%. But I have never had guilt, why should we , If you feel it's wrong just think of history , men use to wear makeup wear togas romen soldiers wore what looked to me to be short skirts. the wore powered wigs makeup lace and pranced around . SO why should you or any of us feel bad just cuz noadays we men need to be this cenrtuiry's manly men.

Well I never did and never will I allso have never purged. so dont feel bad but it so normal to feel so. After all your just a girl!!!!!!!!! HUGGS :hugs: :canada:

[alexmusic]

It is perfectly natural hun I am sure most if not all of us have go through that at some point just know you are not alone and ask as many questions as you need to, there are many, many wonderful people here who completely understand.

[Angel.Marie76]

Phoenix, As you have probably read already here, many CDers/TG folks have similar thoughts in some manner or another. I would consider it par for the course at hand. We can all hope for a 'hole in one' with little to no effort, however it is the process of playing the game, learning the techniques, and jubilation of ascertaining that goal of actually sinking the shot in the end that is the true reward. As it was said above, and similarly in my sig. below - Work on being comfortable with yourself! Confidence, as one example, will be but one reward.

If everything was as easy as 1-2-3, well, then the world would certainly be a very different place, and perhaps this conversation might be reversed! Regardless, good job in making it here as but a simple step in this self-investigation. :) There are many, many threads on this forum you should read, and several books on the market that give very interesting takes on traversing life as a CD/TG/TS... everything from straight-out fiction to semi-autobiographical novels that give you perspectives on other people's adventures and dilemmas. Again, search the forum for BOOKS and you'll find some.

At the very least, know you're not alone, and you're among friends here.

[CharleneT]

There are books out there, I've not read one though. Right here, as others have said, is the biggest book on CDing there is. These forums and all the posts. Just pick a subject and start reading backwards thru some of the old posts. If you have a specifiic question, use the search function (right side, up in the blue bar) and you'll find a host of info quickly. Try to do a little searching prior to asking questions, no we don't mind repeats, but it will help you phrase yours in a way to get exactly what you want.

Welcome to CD

[PanteeQueen]

I know I have certainly have had though feelings, and still do.

[2b.Lauren]

35 years later and some of that old stuff continues to resurface from time to time. I also will find myself awake and wondering. The guilt is not far behind it, and then if I allow it to,it will end up being a very long night, and a terrible day. Hate those dark circles, but thank goodness for concealer. So I stopped allowing it to have that kind of power. I took my power back. Over time your own acceptance of who you are and who you want to be will become the voice of reason that you want to listen to. The other voice might still be out there but it gets less and less attention once you find the volume switch. Self acceptance leads to confidence and that is a wonderful place to be. Best wishes and just keep doing what you feel.

[linnea]

Since I am a relative newcomer, is there a edu post like"the idiots guide to CDing?" I have a ton of question, but I am not sure where to begin. I do appreciate everyon's response though:)

Though the girls here are not idiots, this is the place to get a lot of answers and support. Ask away.

[Jess_cd32]

Not much I can say that hasn't been well said already, its normal, we've mostly all been there done that, it will disipate over time.

[Sammy777]

Hello and welcome aboard!

It is safe to say that just about everyone her has at one time or another drank a tall cold glass from the TG
Confusion
Embarrassment
Guilt
Some its all three, some its 2 parts this or that, but no matter what parts of each you feel it is OK.

[Bluesman]

I can't speak for everyone of course, but I've certainly experienced the feelings you speak of, and I suspect most CDRs do at some time (probably more in the beginning.) I'm in my 50s and have been dressing since my early teens. I've periodically had the WTF am I doing stages, I'm done with this, it's embarrassing, it's not who I am, etc., etc. A few purges along the way. But even if I don't actually dress, the desire is still there, I have dreams about CDing, so I'm still a CD even if I'm not CDing. So what's the diff? Why not put on the clothes and enjoy something that brings pleasure to me and harms no one, including myself?

You may find that there are periods when you have no desire to CD and find it hard to even think of yourself doing so. And that's fine too, enjoy that as well. The desire probably will return; welcome it back when it does.

You are so lucky to have discovered this part of yourself in this day and age with all the resources of the internet vailable to you: forums and info such as this, online shopping opportunities, etc. I wish I had learned more about CDing when I was young, accepted it and allowed myself to explore and enjoy it much more than I did.

[charlie]

Hello Phoenix!
Welcome to the forum. This is where all your silly feelings, questions and "am I normal" questions are put to rest and the test. I hope you enjoy coming here as much as I do! Just bouncing questions off of the people here is a relief. I get answers instead of strange looks! And yes, I felt embarrassed, weird and strange every time I dressed until this last year.

[Ronni Seymour]

Yes, Pheonix! Very much so. And even though I have come a long way in self understanding and acceptance, I still struggle with those feelings at times.

[Jennifer Brooks]

Yes, it is normal and you are not alone. I use to feel the same way you do all the time. Having found this website and talking to other gals made me realize that I was not alone and every feeling I was going through had been going on with other gals. It can subside through the help of others and also group meetings that cater to Transgenders. As far as feelings go these days for me, I get all weird when I can not dress fully. LOL! Best of luck to you and keep thinking intimate thoughts. :daydreaming:

[Sapphire]

Much like anything else in life: Don't over do it!

[Leslie Mary S]

With a fake drill Sargent voice:

'If you have the guilts fears and all those other thing here then You need to get out of here and clim back into your Socially acceptable shell and suffer. '

There now that I have gotten that very false thing off of my boobs I will say yes most of us do wonder if we have or are doing the right thing. That is a question only you can answer fo yourself. But for me, one who is finally crawling out of the wardrobe, YES this is right. I have the right to dress and wear what I want (with in reason) a mono-kini at a formal ball is just not right (maybe under the ball gown is O.K.)

Leslie Mary S
A true southern belle under the 'male by birth' body.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

Yes I have ask my self ........want the hell I am doing....I must be losing my mind going out dress like a woman to the mall shopping for clothing going out to dinner and hitting the clubs dancing the night away.........I must need help...........that was 5 years ago......and I still ask my self the same thing today...

LA CINDY LOVE

[diane51]

I don't know why she is your ex-fiancée but it sounds to me she helped you to find a whole new world for yourself. Maybe one you would have discovered in time on your own. Prehaps you can appreciate her for that.

You have opened up some of the best advice and words of wisdom from others who know and understand. Take it to heart and follow for a while.
Diane

[Carly D.]

What I feel more now is that I don't want to buy anything.. granted I have enough clothing to make me happy but I've had a half dozen opportunities to buy more clothing and passed on all of them.. is it guilt?? I don't know what I am feeling.. just a strange time in my life I guess..

[kristinacd55]

Since I am a relative newcomer, is there a edu post like"the idiots guide to CDing?" I have a ton of question, but I am not sure where to begin. I do appreciate everyon's response though:)

LOL, someone should write "the idiots guide to crossdressing!" It'll be a best seller :)

[beenherelongtime]

not being able to speak for everyone, i will just tell you how i felt. yes, i did feel guilt, embarrassment, and disgust. when i was very young, these feelings would come after a release and then guild and let me out of these clothes quickly. this will pass as you become more in tune to who you are., you may purge at times, but if you are a real cder, the urges will return so don't throw the clothes out, hide them. they'll come in handy later. good luck

[Ralph]

I think everyone experiences that... Even the odd TS on occasion. :)

Best answer ever! Loved that.

Phoenix, we've ALL been down that road, some of us multiple times. Many of us thought we might be gay; we have thought we had some disease that had to be cured; we have thought that if we just throw everything away and stop thinking about it we can be "normal"; some of us have struggled with religious beliefs vs. the crossdressing... trust me, anything you're concerned about, just ask and you'll find ten people here who have been there, done that, and can help you past the rough spots.

ralph

[Jenniferpl]

Been there, tried that. Some good advice from some great ladies. I stopped wondering, I just put on a bra and go about my day. I am who I am.

[Mollyanne]

WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!!!! I can't speak for anyone else but I think we all at one time or another have had these very same feelings. For the most part they do go away when we accept who we are and realize that there is "no cure" for what we do. I personally have accepted this part of me and look forward to every second that I become my female self.

Mollyanne

[TxKimberly]

Yup Yup, but I'm long since over the guilt trip. I am what I am. There are better people out there, and there are worse people out there, but I am what i am and I'm all right with that. :)

[tamarav]

By the time you have gotten to my reply, you will have realized that you are just like the majority of us. Major guilt, fear of discovery, etc for years, even decades.

You have the luxury of having all of this experience recounted to you via the Internet and you should be able to move at a pace that makes us older CDs just cry, if we knew what you now know at this starting point, how things might have changed.

Learn all you can and enjoy this gift, you certainly can't just walk away from it..

Your sis,

Tami

[Celeste]

I like to deal with the occasional feelings I get sometimes by saying this,"I will not crucify myself over something I immensely enjoy doing,bothers no one and provides stress release and balance in my life".I think you may continue to feel varying degrees of guilt simply because its new territory for you.I think you can expect that to fade with time.

[phoenix1105]

Thanks for all the support. It helps knowing other people have been where I am, and got to a better place mentally. :)
Phoenix

[Carole Cross]

Hi Pheonix, I used to be confused until I finally discovered who I really am and why I had the urge to dress up. I still sometimes wonder if transitioning is the right thing to do because I have a long way to go before I can pass. It will take some time to find out why you like dressing up.
If you have any questions then ask away. I'm sure any of the girls or guys here can help. :D

[Jennifer Cox]

A little while back my ex-fiancés got me to crossdress when we had sex. It was my first time and I liked it... Since then I have spent a fortune with the CD habit. I guess my question is this, is it a normal part of CDing to feel stuff like guilt, confusion, and a little embarrassment? I enjoy going and buying all of the nice and comfy bras and panties. It is just sometimes late at night I lay in bed and think wtf am I doing... Does everyone go through this type of adjustment?

Every day :lol: