Fear and Transitioning...good advice in a video...

[deja true]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qCh0_P8jFk

Ran across this in Jenny Ford's blog:
http://jenny-ford.blogspot.com/

Part of a series of wonderful, sensitive vids from a very level-headed girl.

:)

(Sorry, kids! I can't figure out to embed the vid into the thread. The instructions are a touch confusing for this ol' hag...)

[Zenith]

9qCh0_P8jFk

I like her voice video too...

[Raquel June]

I like her. Most TS vlogs are kinda pointless, crazy people who don't live in reality, or just a huge downer. But she's one of the ones I watch.

[Super Amanda]

I'm a subscriber to her! She's a great inspiration, now everyone go and leave her a nice comment on youtube!

[Elise.Matei]

I'm so curious now, that's just what I'm going to do! :battingeyelashes:

---------------------------

After watching the viddy by karmatic1110, first off I have to say, she is very attractive and personable. And I totally get what she is saying and generally agree. On the other hand, and I'm sure many people will disagree with this and may think me shallow... BUT... it's very easy for her to say what she is saying with such conviction, because... Why? Well, her experience, while it may be very challenging, yeah, and while she was very much afraid at first to go out, okay, however... by virtue of her physical outwardly appearing beauty, the whole process of transitioning is easy and extremely energizing, self-validating, thrilling and fun. Yes, fun, in spite of all the challenges I'm sure I don't appreciate. You can see it by her expressions, hear it in her voice and feel it by how truly inspired and well-meaning she is.

She is flat-out beautiful! By your self-revealing avatars, your own physical outwardly appearing beauty is all too apparent as well Amanda, Racquel and Zenith. What Karmatic1110 is saying has great significance to you, which is great, because you and her have much in common. But I think it is a mistake for her ti be dispensing advice, in such an appealing convincing manner to all tg's, because I'm sorry but I do not think what she is saying applies to all (or even most) tg's. In fact it could be a grave mistake to assume what she is saying applies to oneself if you are not outwardly beautiful and "convincing" to the general public.

The woman, who is karmatic1110 is having a transition experience that will be altogether different from the experience had by someone who isn't beautiful and could never be very convincing as a woman in public. The three of you will likely share the overall positive experience and the sheer thrill of living a 100% female lifestyle (whether this includes surgery or remains at the hormone treatment stage) because you have the same outward quality of beauty. You will be 100% convincing as women in the eyes of the general public - and lets just cut to the chase and admit, that's the single most important metric that determines how happy you are going to be.

I mean, I obviously already know many are going to disagree with this, but lets be practical. If you are convincingly viewed as a woman and thus treated as one by the general public - you are not going to be exposed to all the ridicule that someone who is not convincing will experience. And how sad that is, cannot be measured. It's tragic how we judge. And it's horrible how mean people can be. But that is the reality and it will never change. No matter how well intended she is, I think it is a disservice to encourage someone to attempt to transition, ESPECIALLY with respect to going through surgery IF they are not going to be convincing post surgery or while on hormone treatment. I may or may not someday decide to go for hormone therapy, but even if I do, I know I would never get surgery, because in spite of the rosy picture painted by the woman in that video, you can just bet there will be economic consequences if you are not as young as she is and already have an established career.

I wish the world weren't as it is, but it is, as it is. One has to be practical. Unless you are a tg that is truly and obsessively driven to transition, it is best to consider not going 100% if you are not already beautiful. I know how shallow that seems and I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. I am sorry if I do, but I really believe that if you have to show up at an office everyday, are ambitious and want to succeed, you just won't if after you transition, instead of being beautiful, or at least convincingly a "woman", you instead look like a man pretending to be a woman. I myself wouldn't do it, if not for that reason then just because of the economic losses I am certain I would sustain, and the credibility I would forever lose in the eyes of so very many.

[Raquel June]

I do agree with Charlotte about everybody wishing they had started sooner, so her general message is fine, but she's implying that all our fears are unfounded.

Very few people are passable enough to have no issues during transition. If I'm not wearing a wig I'm pretty f-ing far from passable, and if I am ... well ... I'm still a 6'0" person with a huge neck and a mannish nose who's pretty f-ing far from passable. When someone won't look me in the eye, when the people across the room look up at me then lean in and whisper, and when the guy at the table next to me clearly tells his friend, "Hey, I think that's a guy over there," well, that tells me that my biggest fears are reality.

Charlotte's a whole lot prettier than I am, but do you really believe her when she says that consistently nothing ever happened when she went out? Maybe she was never assaulted, but I'll bet she noticed things. What about her covering her forehead in 90% of her videos? That's just fine if she likes that look, but it's a bit odd that in the videos where she's not wearing the do-rag she keeps the top of her head totally out of the frame. It says to me that she still has some fear issues of her own.

I know she means well, but I think this sort of thing can give people false expectations of transition. For me, jumping right in with both feet and feeling like a freak everyday doesn't work as well as slowly adjusting. During the week I mostly look like a weird guy with weird hair and maybe a bit of eyeliner, but I'm very happy with the direction I'm going and I'm pretty comfortable. I wore a skirt to school once last summer and it was a less than pleasant experience, so for now I'm going to reserve that for places I know are friendly.




No matter how well intended she is, I think it is a disservice to encourage someone to attempt to transition, ESPECIALLY with respect to going through surgery IF they are not going to be convincing post surgery or while on hormone treatment.

I don't think it's a disservice to encourage people to transition, and she's just trying to be encouraging, but I think this particular message -- "Go for it! Do it now! You have nothing to fear!" is a bit of a disservice and can almost be seen as mockery to some of us who know it's not that easy. It's more useful to educate people on how to deal with these things. In that respect, I'd much rather hear from the few trannies out there who are actually less feminine than I am :)

From talking to the local post-op girls I know, and experiences they have related to me from talking to other post-op girls, I don't actually know of anybody who regrets transitioning or regrets SRS. But there are a decent number of disappointed people out there who had very high expectations regarding how passable they would be and some that had the odd idea that SRS would magically make all the bad things in their lives go away.




Unless you are a tg that is truly and obsessively driven to transition, it is best to consider not going 100% if you are not already beautiful.

I don't think this is going to be a popular notion, but it's interesting to think about.

Most TG people are awfully driven (even if we're in denial about it), so it's not really an issue. Many of us know the reality that we're never going to be the prettiest girls out there, but we still see it as better than living the rest of our lives trying to act like a regular guy.

But I have to be honest and say that for the first 30 years of my life, I had the feeling that, while I would without a doubt rather be a girl, I would be happier living as a guy than being TS. I have since realized that's not the case, but what lead me to that realization was coping with my fears and realizing that I will be able to survive even if I'm not the most girly person out there and even if everyone isn't tolerant.

[GypsyKaren]

No matter how well intended she is, I think it is a disservice to encourage someone to attempt to transition, ESPECIALLY with respect to going through surgery IF they are not going to be convincing post surgery or while on hormone treatment.

I guess I'd better go stick my head in the oven and put an end to it all, I made the mistake of having SRS and I'm not beautiful, plus I know I'm not convincing because swarthy looking European men with moustaches don't throw their rain coats down over puddles in my path. I also think they should add a beauty pageant to the Standards of Care, maybe they can do it like American Idol and have the public call in and vote.

Karen :g2:

[AKAMichelle]

I guess I'd better go stick my head in the oven and put an end to it all, I made the mistake of having SRS and I'm not beautiful,Karen :g2:

The most important thing about transitioning is not how good or bad you look, but how you feel inside. Yes those who don't pass as well will have a harder time. Does that mean that they should live in torture because of it? There are tons of ugly women out there. I think before you transition the question you need to ask is "Will you be happy as an ugly woman"? If you would rather be an ugly woman than a man, then I think you qualify to transition.

I am asking myself that question and many others before I make my decision. I have seen one woman who doesn't pass all that well survive. She is happy and lives her life to the fullest. I have another dear friend who hasn't transitioned completely yet and passes perfectly. She is one of the girls and even has guys hit on her at work. Her life has so many bumps in the road that she has attempted suicide before. Looks is not the answer to an easy transition. Transitioning is very hard and every person's experience is different. Each person has to decide what they are willing to endure before transitioning.

Attitude, confidence, and determination goes a lot futher. That why I think the video does a great job to get people off of the fence. Quit being scared to live your life. It doesn't matter if you transition or not, just quit being scared.

[Sharon]

I wish the world weren't as it is, but it is, as it is. One has to be practical. Unless you are a tg that is truly and obsessively driven to transition, it is best to consider not going 100% if you are not already beautiful. I know how shallow that seems and I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. I am sorry if I do, but I really believe that if you have to show up at an office everyday, are ambitious and want to succeed, you just won't if after you transition, instead of being beautiful, or at least convincingly a "woman", you instead look like a man pretending to be a woman. I myself wouldn't do it, if not for that reason then just because of the economic losses I am certain I would sustain, and the credibility I would forever lose in the eyes of so very many.


You are so very, very wrong that I don't know where to begin. One question I would pose to you, however: In being so overly concerned with losing credibility with others, how much do you lose in your own eyes? Sometimes you just need to do what you need to do, and the place to start is from within.

signed,
an ungorgeous woman who doesn't pretend squat

[GypsyKaren]

I could give a rat's ass whether the kid at McDonald's thinks I'm ugly or not, all I care is he puts two cheeseburgers in the bag when I pay for two cheeseburgers so I don't have to cuss him out when I get home because I was shorted...and salt too, don't be a tight ass with the salt.

Karen :g2:

[Lisa Golightly]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... cheeseburgers :)

[Kelsy]

I guess I'd better go stick my head in the oven and put an end to it all, I made the mistake of having SRS and I'm not beautiful, plus I know I'm not convincing because swarthy looking European men with moustaches don't throw their rain coats down over puddles in my path. I also think they should add a beauty pageant to the Standards of Care, maybe they can do it like American Idol and have the public call in and vote.

Karen :g2:

Karen , Thank you for your comments! If being totally passable were the goal then I would just have to throw in the towel end it all now! The goal for me is to be the girl I know I should be and if I don't look like some super model so be it!:sad:

Kelsy

[Raquel June]

I guess someone should round up all of the girls and women who aren't deemed pretty and toss them into the volcano...


I guess I'd better go stick my head in the oven and put an end to it all...

Have you noticed a sardonic fire/baking/homicide theme in your posts?




I could give a rat's ass whether the kid at McDonald's thinks I'm ugly or not, all I care is he puts two cheeseburgers in the bag...

What if your order was perfect but he handed you that bag and said, "Here ya go, bro"? I don't think I could ever get to the point of really not caring.

[Elise.Matei]

OMG! All I can think about is eating right now! I'm so hungry I can't stand it anymore! I'm racing off to McD's! (Not that I don't alwaysdrive fast anyways :battingeyelashes: ).

Been soooo long since I did the drive thru thingy... but I simply cannot not go after reading all this! Mmmmm they have the tastiest French fries too. Later girls... :daydreaming:


(i remember now how they are notorious for getting ones order wrong!)

[Joy Carter]

I was as confused as you girls. Still am, but with the knowledge that I have responsibilities. That my role as husband and father is still in demand. I wish I had been born in this time now, as the information that is out there, has made me realize that one, I'm not alone, that there is nothing wrong with the way I feel. I'm normal. I maybe a part of a minority, but I belong none the less. I have resigned myself that I will just be a part time girl, and be happy with what comes. Who know's. Maybe I was a very bad girl in a past life. And this is my punishment. LoL
Were all beautiful where it counts, on the inside.

[Aurora27]

What if your order was perfect but he handed you that bag and said, "Here ya go, bro"? I don't think I could ever get to the point of really not caring.

The way I see it its not so much about NOT caring, for if you didn't care much either way transitioning would be a bit superfluous. Its more about letting that which does not matter slide away.

I think I read somewhere that it takes 3 feminine cues to negate 1 masculine cue. Our society is programmed to see men first and women second so it shouldn't come as a surprise if you still get an occasional 'sir' after transitioning. I don't think its often done on purpose but in that brief moment with a checkout person they may not have time to question what their first instinct tells them. Just laugh and get on with being amazing.

[GypsyKaren]

Maybe it's just me, maybe I missed the memo from the world's health leaders that reclassifies transsexualism into a sliding scale of looks. People kill themselves over this shit and to suggest that we all have to measure up to someone's opinion of whether we pass muster in the looks department before doing anything about it is the most idiotic and insulting thing I've ever heard in my life, and anyone who thinks that doesn't have a clue as to what being a transsexual is all about.

Karen :g2:

[Lisa Golightly]

Maybe it's just me, maybe I missed the memo from the world's health leaders that reclassifies transsexualism into a sliding scale of looks. People kill themselves over this shit and to suggest that we all have to measure up to someone's opinion of whether we pass muster in the looks department before doing anything about it is the most idiotic and insulting thing I've ever heard in my life, and anyone who thinks that doesn't have a clue as to what being a transsexual is all about.

Looks are transient... they mean sod all... They just get you into deeper doo doo in all honesty... what matters is the soul... They are either beautiful or ugly... Hmmmmmm...

[Karen564]

Thanks for posting the video!! :hugs:

I really couldn't agree more with what she said in that video, shes right on target at so many different levels and I thought it was very simple, yet so brilliant at the same time, and very well presented.. I can completely see her whole point because I know it to be 100% true even through my own small experiences even though I haven't gone full time, but I just wrote about an experience in my journal that supports her point,., and I had said before, "the only thing to fear, is fear itself", to quote FDR.

It's all about those stupid fears and unknowns that we throw around in our brains that can & do hinder or stop us from doing it now, and I can see her point that when you do take that leap of faith into the unknown, chances are it's going to be nothing like you expected, we do tend to always think & EXPECT the worse to happen, but are usually so surprised when nothing catastrophic happens, and then you say, Why didn't I do this sooner??, what have I been waiting for, why have I been wasting so many precious minutes, days, years to do this, when I could of done it so long ago and been much happier sooner and living my life as it was really meant to be..and if there are problems, just deal with them as they come, but dont let it Stop you.

Of course, she's not & I'm not saying you wake up tomorrow and proclaim to the world by walking into work wearing a dress & heels and say here I am, take it or leave it, because there are many things to get in order 1st and it doesn't happen overnight, and that's where many of us do our own thing, but her point is, what are we waiting for?, get out there and make it happen ASAP, the clock is ticking..time is wasting away.

My personal goal is to be as presentable & passable as much as possible and blend into society, but that's all anyone can do with what they have or haven't been blessed with naturally, and many can alter their appearances surgically to look much better, but just take a look at some women out in the world around you, many are far from pretty, and they come in all shapes & sizes, so does that stop them from living & socializing?? I think not..



I guess I'd better go stick my head in the oven and put an end to it all
GypsyKaren
Of course not silly, the world would be a very sad place without you, and just so beautiful on the inside, where it counts!!! and you offer so much inspiration to people like me, non-runway model types, which I believe way out number the totally 100% passable ones. so your corrageous life & words of wisdom will never go on unnoticed by so many here.:hugs:
But I did understand your point..


I could give a rat's ass whether the kid at McDonald's thinks I'm ugly or not, all I care is he puts two cheeseburgers in the bag when I pay for two cheeseburgers so I don't have to cuss him out when I get home because I was shorted...and salt too, don't be a tight ass with the salt.
GypsyKaren
LOL, That's just way too funny Karen, that really made my day!!

[Elise.Matei]

"I was as confused as you girls. Still am, but with the knowledge that I have responsibilities. That my role as husband and father is still in demand... I have resigned myself that I will just be a part time girl, and be happy with what comes... Were all beautiful where it counts, on the inside." (Elise's red highlite)


Right Joy, I am so glad you posted, so I can get out of this quagmire of misunderstanding I seem so able to unintentionally create of late. I wish I hadn't used the word "beauty" because it put the wrong spin on what I was really trying to say. I should have only used the term "passability". As indicated by the opinions expressed above, "beauty" has little to do with why a man transitions i.e. becomes a woman in the public eye 100% of the time. And "beauty" is a relative term anyways. During the Renaissance full-bodied voluptuous women were considered the ideal vs. today where the cosmetic/fashion/movie industry hold out the opposite image as ideal. I suppose the true ideal, and one that should be always encouraged is personal health, hygiene, self-acceptance and self-confidence. That so many women and men should aspire to Hollywood-style beauty is "the most idiotic" thing indeed, and I certainly don't think it is a reasonable way to think, unless one is a movie star or otherwise in the entertainment industry and must be beautiful, or achieve some approximation of what is deemed beautiful. HOWEVER... even for them beauty or handsomeness is a very fleeting thing! Beauty comes and beauty goes, as does everything, really. A human lifetime happens over such a ridiculously brief time interval, only a fool would think (s)he's got anything to prove.

I think I was reacting to the effect Charlotte (karmatic1110) was beginning to have on me as I was going along watching her uTube vids. She is so pretty so articulate so sincere so idealistic and motivating, that as I was watching I felt something stir inside me - akin to a great big fuzzy "you go girl!" and for the very 1st time the thought of hormone therapy actually entered my mind as a serious point of consideration. I mean, I went so far in my thinking as to imagine making an appointment with my primary care physician (which happens to be a female MD) and discussing it. Then I imagined coming in each week or whatever it is to get the injection, and was thrilled by the thought of how my body would change, my boobs would seriously grow, my feelings would alter, etc, just like everyone frequently describes in these pages. I mean... looking at Charlotte's inspiring little video's was really affecting me! THEN I came down to earth and thought... I can't. I have greater responsibilities in life now. I'm not a 20- or 30-something. And while I am not a husband anymore nor a father, there are people who look to me for assistance and guidance, and others who rely on me. Plus I feel a commitment to my career and the work that went into it to get me to where I am now. And while I am not wealthy by real wealth standards, still, I love money, the freedom it brings, the opportunities it affords, the assistance I can provide to others in times of trouble or dire need, the future it insures for me, the way it shields me from having to interact with unsavory people and the things it buys. Life is fleeting enough. To go through it poor and destitute would be... well, I just can't imagine it. I have worked VERY hard over the years and I am not gonna let this woman inside me throw it all away just so she can prance around being female. And oh yes, I worked in the steel industry for an entire year in the Melt Shop at Jones & Laughlin Steel Corp when I couldn't afford college that year. I was up there standing on top of carbon arc furnaces, guiding the new carbon electrodes being lowered by the overhead crane, pushing and leaning on them so they went into the hole of the furnace top - while my coworker was directing a stream of high-pressure air at the bottom of my boots so as to minimize how much of the soles of my boots melted while standing there. That and a million more stories of effort and sacrifice are what define me today more than anything else.

It would be hard enough to transition into a beautiful or passable woman and MAYBE not be adversely affected career-wise and money-wise, let alone if I were to be so unconvincing as to invite ridicule and thus most certainly lose ground in every business and social endeavor. I didn't make the world this way. But it IS this way, and it's not gonna change anytime soon. I don't like it but I'm not gonna delude myself into thinking my losing everything I ever worked for is going to change it one iota. It won't. And being a 100% woman, 24/7/365, isn't adequate compensation for those certain and extensive material losses. Maybe that means I am not a tg? Hell, IDK! But I wonder just how many legitimate tg's who have a strong desire to look and act feminine because it is in synch with their mental gender identification, would never want to undergo surgery and prefer to only go into public in the company of tg friends? THATS where I'm at. I think maybe I will do hormone therapy at some point, and enjoy it immensely, but never go the full route because I actually love my male thingamajig - AND because I will have the option of going out into the public as a man and going to work as a man.

I think Joy is to be commended for her self-denial and self-imposed suffering by not transitioning. She has children! Little innocents! Who rely on their father! For like almost everything! Imo, there is NO other responsibility greater than being a good parent once you create life, and for the father, ensuring your families economic and emotional stability. Kudos to Joy. She is imo, an unsung hero. Her greater responsibilities are to her children and wife at this point. She must play the role and be a good father. And a good husband. I suspect she does both quite well.

[tammigurl]

Right Joy, I am so glad you posted, so I can get out of this quagmire of misunderstanding I seem so able to unintentionally create of late. I wish I hadn't used the word "beauty" because it put the wrong spin on what I was really trying to say. I should have only used the term "passability". As indicated by the opinions expressed above, "beauty" has little to do with why a man transitions i.e. becomes a woman in the public eye 100% of the time. And "beauty" is a relative term anyways. During the Renaissance full-bodied voluptuous women were considered the ideal vs. today where the cosmetic/fashion/movie industry hold out the opposite image as ideal. I suppose the true ideal, and one that should be always encouraged is personal health, hygiene, self-acceptance and self-confidence. That so many women and men should aspire to Hollywood-style beauty is "the most idiotic" thing indeed, and I certainly don't think it is a reasonable way to think, unless one is a movie star or otherwise in the entertainment industry and must be beautiful, or achieve some approximation of what is deemed beautiful. HOWEVER... even for them beauty or handsomeness is a very fleeting thing! Beauty comes and beauty goes, as does everything, really. A human lifetime happens over such a ridiculously brief time interval, only a fool would think (s)he's got anything to prove.

I think I was reacting to the effect Charlotte (karmatic1110) was beginning to have on me as I was going along watching her uTube vids. She is so pretty so articulate so sincere so idealistic and motivating, that as I was watching I felt something stir inside me - akin to a great big fuzzy "you go girl!" and for the very 1st time the thought of hormone therapy actually entered my mind as a serious point of consideration. I mean, I went so far in my thinking as to imagine making an appointment with my primary care physician (which happens to be a female MD) and discussing it. Then I imagined coming in each week or whatever it is to get the injection, and was thrilled by the thought of how my body would change, my boobs would seriously grow, my feelings would alter, etc, just like everyone frequently describes in these pages. I mean... looking at Charlotte's inspiring little video's was really affecting me! THEN I came down to earth and thought... I can't. I have greater responsibilities in life now. I'm not a 20- or 30-something. And while I am not a husband anymore nor a father, there are people who look to me for assistance and guidance, and others who rely on me. Plus I feel a commitment to my career and the work that went into it to get me to where I am now. And while I am not wealthy by real wealth standards, still, I love money, the freedom it brings, the opportunities it affords, the assistance I can provide to others in times of trouble or dire need, the future it insures for me, the way it shields me from having to interact with unsavory people and the things it buys. Life is fleeting enough. To go through it poor and destitute would be... well, I just can't imagine it. I have worked VERY hard over the years and I am not gonna let this woman inside me throw it all away just so she can prance around being female. And oh yes, I worked in the steel industry for an entire year in the Melt Shop at Jones & Laughlin Steel Corp when I couldn't afford college that year. I was up there standing on top of carbon arc furnaces, guiding the new carbon electrodes being lowered by the overhead crane, pushing and leaning on them so they went into the hole of the furnace top - while my coworker was directing a stream of high-pressure air at the bottom of my boots so as to minimize how much of the soles of my boots melted while standing there. That and a million more stories of effort and sacrifice are what define me today more than anything else.

It would be hard enough to transition into a beautiful or passable woman and MAYBE not be adversely affected career-wise and money-wise, let alone if I were to be so unconvincing as to invite ridicule and thus most certainly lose ground in every business and social endeavor. I didn't make the world this way. But it IS this way, and it's not gonna change anytime soon. I don't like it but I'm not gonna delude myself into thinking my losing everything I ever worked for is going to change it one iota. It won't. And being a 100% woman, 24/7/365, isn't adequate compensation for those certain material losses. Maybe that means I am not a tg? Hell, IDK! But I wonder just how many legitimate tg's who have a strong desire to look and act feminine because it is in synch with their mental gender identification, would never want to undergo surgery and prefer to only go into public in the company of tg friends? THATS where I'm at. I think maybe I will do hormone therapy at some point, and enjoy it immensely, but never go the full route because I actually love my male thingamajig - AND because I will have the option of going out into the public as a man and going to work as a man.

I think Joy is to be commended for her self-denial and self-imposed sufferring by not transitioning. She has children! Little innocents! Who rely on their father! For like almost everything! Imo, there is NO other responsibility greater than being a good parent once you create life, and for the father, ensuring your families economic and emotional stability. Kudos to Joy. She is imo, an unsung hero. Her greater responsibilities are to her children and wife at this point. She must play the role and be a good father. And a good husband. I suspect she does both quite well.

Thats what i luv re this site - balanced, honest and brave advice. While i personally made the decision and took action some time ago to embark on transition, I did'nt have the encumbrances (regretfully) of children or a husband - whoops spouse. I respect yr opinions girls:hugs:

[Elise.Matei]

Awww?! :battingeyelashes:

[kellycan27]

I found the video interesting, and pure in it's intent. Naturally due to many different variables there are probably a lot of people who would find it impracticle if not impossible to achieve. But I think that if you fall into a certian demographic I think that the information could be very helpful and inspiring. Break it down to basic. You have a person who wants to tranistion, and is in the position to do so but fear might be holding them back. This being the case ( and I believe it to be the intent) I feel that the video to be of sound premise. To say that that this video is unrealistic,wrong or fantasy isn't fair, because it may not be realistic for your circumstance, but very realistic to someone else.
To boo hoo the maker because we don't fit the demographic sounds a bit like sour grapes. It won't help me so it must be BS

[Elise.Matei]

I couldn't agree with you more Kelly. You have to admit that Charlotte (the woman in the vid) is very persuasive. She has a real gift for communicating and is quite inspiring. Really, I think she is phenomenal. She got me to think of getting hormone treatment for the 1st time in my life. Depending on how I respond to such a therapy I would continue OR back off from it though. I could live with breasts and would totally love to have them, but not if they got so big I couldnt somehow wrap em tight so they wouldn't be noticeable during the work day as a man, for the reasons I indicated. But yeah, for you her message is perfect and right-on. Obviously hun.

[Raquel June]

...To boo hoo the maker because we don't fit the demographic sounds a bit like sour grapes.

I know her intentions were good. Maybe it is a bit of sour grapes. Just remember that you're one of the few people who does fit the demographic of people who don't have much to worry about.

One way or another we all need to get past our fear, but not by lying to ourselves and pretending that we live in a perfect world where all those fears are unreasonable. Many of us have already started down that road of transition and know that she's incorrect in telling us that everything will always be great.

[kellycan27]

I know her intentions were good. Maybe it is a bit of sour grapes. Just remember that you're one of the few people who does fit the demographic of people who don't have much to worry about.

One way or another we all need to get past our fear, but not by lying to ourselves and pretending that we live in a perfect world where all those fears are unreasonable. Many of us have already started down that road of transition and know that she's incorrect in telling us that everything will always be great.

It's very flattering that you say that but, just because I look a certian way doesn't mean that I didn't have the same fears as anyone else might have. I was plenty scared. No matter how someone may or may not "pass" I was still a guy in a dress attempting to look like a woman. Yes I may have been less noticeable, but not invisible.

[kellycan27]

I don't know your circumstance....baggage and what not, but if you are in the position, but your fears are holding you back then you too fit the demographic. I don't recall her saying everything would be fine. I remember her saying that if we can overcome our fear that we could do it. She didn't say that we could live a fairy tale existence she said .. you could live YOUR life. I know a couple of ts's that probably wouldn't pass as well as some others, but they have the self confidence to be themselves.There are no set rules of pass or no pass...Our fears are basically our own head trip. The major, being how we precieve ourselves rather than how others precieve us.
You may look at me and think ...she passes better than I so it's easier for her. Someone else may look at you and say. she passes better than me so it's easier for her.So where would the difference to between you and I? So here we go, back to the head trip. I think OMG, my ass is too narrow, my nose is too big,my forehead is too wide. My preception of me. If 1000 people say.. your passable, and my fear is that I am not, it renders 1000 people's opinion moot, and I am back at square one.

[Elise.Matei]

Thanks Racquel... you articulated what I was thinking. I am simply being sickeningly nice to ev-ryone cuz I'm on such "thin ice". :heehee:



(As IF!)

[karmatic1110]

I know I am necroing a thread that is over a month old, however I wanted to respond to a few things in this forum topic, as the video being talked about is my own and I am not one to leave things be. Maybe I can provide the balance that the limited formatting of internet video communication wouldn't allow me to utilize.

I never claimed that transition was going to be amazing if one was to just go for it. I also never claimed to "Just Do it!" That sort of attitude, without proper perspective, is deadly and reckless.

For a lot of people fear is the ONLY thing that is holding them back from the life that they've always dreamed of. That is universal and certainly doesn't just apply to just transgendered people. Something that also applies to everyone is personal responsibility. Common sense and judgement are necessary in all aspects of life. Why must I preface my videos with a disclaimer of sorts, if when applied to other subjects, it need not be mentioned?

Everyone has their own individual issues and it is up to THEM to decide if it's going to stop them or not. I have plenty (physical, financial, and otherwise) to contend with myself, however the pain of my old life was too much to live with. The fact of the matter is that ALL women have unique issues.

If someone is in the position where the feel like transition is merely an option or alternate path, then I would suggest rethinking it. I know if I could have been happy otherwise, I wouldn't have transitioned in the first place. It was only after an attempt on my own life that I recognized the severity of my situation.


Charlotte

PS: I will stick around to clarify my post.

[Raquel June]

I never claimed that transition was going to be amazing if one was to just go for it. I also never claimed to "Just Do it!" That sort of attitude, without proper perspective, is deadly and reckless.

Yeah... You were just being encouraging. But most of the time I'm feeling pretty ugly, and it's hard not to just think, "Well that's easy for her to say! She looks like a girl!"

Obviously I was being a bit fussy, and I never thought you'd read this. I apologize. It's nice seeing a sane TS person making videos -- you really sound like an nice, intelligent person with a sense of humor. I just can't identify with the other people making videos. Since Riftgirl/Leith stopped making videos you're the only one I really watch. Well, you and The Onion... and makeup videos...



For a lot of people fear is the ONLY thing that is holding them back from the life that they've always dreamed of. That is universal and certainly doesn't just apply to just transgendered people. Something that also applies to everyone is personal responsibility. Common sense and judgement are necessary in all aspects of life. Why must I preface my videos with a disclaimer of sorts, if when applied to other subjects, it need not be mentioned?

That's true, but fear does not exist in a vacuum. There are very real reasons I'm afraid to leave my apartment most days. After I do I'm glad I did 95% of the time... but things still happen that make me feel terrible. I mean, I just want to fit in. I don't want people to feel sorry for me or be the local freakshow that amuses people. I'm not saying you need any kind of disclaimer. You said reality is much less scary than what's in your head, and that's true. It's just that it can still be awfully scary. And absolutely everybody wishes they'd transitioned sooner (which I suppose makes sense since everybody wishes they had simply been born the correct gender). I actually feel young transitioning at 33 because I know so many older TS people locally.

I just went and looked at your latest video, and while on the surface it seems like a bit of a downer, I found it really encouraging. I mean, that's more of what my reality is -- a lot of frustration, trying to push through it, losing friends, trying to make new friends ... and I definitely need therapy! I just started going again. People often say we're all going through the same things, but it made me really happy to see you say those things just because that's exactly what I'm feeling.



If someone is in the position where the feel like transition is merely an option or alternate path, then I would suggest rethinking it. I know if I could have been happy otherwise, I wouldn't have transitioned in the first place. It was only after an attempt on my own life that I recognized the severity of my situation.

Hmm... I remember I took a bottle of pills in 1997 and ended up talking to a therapist in an emergency room while they made me eat charcoal goo... I stlil didn't get around to doing anything about it for another 10 years. I guess I'm a slow learner. :)

[Karen564]

PS: I will stick around to clarify my post.

Hi Charlotte,

1st, Welcome to the site....:)

2nd, I hope you stick around...:straightface:

I think you have some fans here that would love to be able to talk to you..

Have a great day!!!

:hugs:

[karmatic1110]

I have not posted on this thread before. However, I must tell you that you are being unnecessarily defensive.


I certainly wouldn't characterize my behavior as defensive. I have no emotional attachment to what people have said about the video. I joined here to try and provide clarity, which is something that I find difficult to do in a short vlog.

[TxKimberly]

Gotta admit, I've been subscribed to her videos for a while now and think she's fairly level headed. Of course I'm just an ignorant redneck so what do I know ? . . . :)

[<3 Keri Lynn <3]

<rant>
IMO, the video is one of the best supports for people just overall about commitment, yes Transition is a HUGE commitment, its something that will change your life forever, for better or worse. It is true some people transition for the wrong reasons and end up going back but that's a horrible truth about life, you wont know 100% for sure until after you do it, but until then, get a grasp on who you are and done be ashamed of it, I know its weird for me to say cause I've only told my sister but still I understand it just as well.

If you are going to transition, its better to know waaaay before hand that its what you for sure want. I thought I knew what I wanted and it was to transition but I'm young and reckless so I've talked with a few people, going to meet some people from the forum tomorrow in fact :hugs: to get a better grasp on who I am.

A major issue/fear people have with transitioning is that society in a whole doesn't accept it and people are scared how it will affect their life like she said in her video. You have the same attitude I have on things, karmatic1110, bite your tongue and just do it, don't think about the aftermath cause it is almost never as bad as your mind has expanded it

Thats me and this has been my time, goodnight!
</rant>


*Hugs*Kisses*

[karmatic1110]

Gotta admit, I've been subscribed to her videos for a while now and think she's fairly level headed. Of course I'm just an ignorant redneck so what do I know ? . . . :)

Thanks hun :)

I do try to record when I am frustrated, or depressed, as well as when I am feel fantastic. I don't believe that leaving aspects of transition out would serve anyone. It is functionally an online journal after all.

No matter what my intentions and no matter what I talk about people are going to disagree. Also just because I don't speak about and point out all of my physical flaws or monetary issues doesn't mean they don't exist. They certainly do.

Charlotte

[karmatic1110]

You have the same attitude I have on things, karmatic1110, bite your tongue and just do it, don't think about the aftermath cause it is almost never as bad as your mind has expanded it


If you know that all that is holding you back is generally unfounded fear, then I would agree with this statement. You HAVE to know, with some level of certainty, that this is what you want or need. I can't say that I knew for sure that it was right for me until I was on hormones for a few months or so.

[karmatic1110]

Very important point -


This is the reason the discussion on this thread, from all perspectives, is essential.

People say certain things, when they are influenced by emotions. We are dealing with our own lives. We should not be influenced by anyone's posting whether text, video, audio, whatever ... without understanding the implications on our own lives, regardless of the motivations or intent of the original poster.

I firmly believe that all opinions posted on this thread are perfectly valid, whether in favor of or opposed to the original message. There's no reason to be offensive towards Charlotte, and there's no reason to be suddenly post messages only in one direction just because she is here. Each one of us has our own lives to deal with. What is right for someone else may be very harmful for us.

I completely agree :)

[GypsyKaren]

If you know that all that is holding you back is generally unfounded fear, then I would agree with this statement. You HAVE to know, with some level of certainty, that this is what you want or need. I can't say that I knew for sure that it was right for me until I was on hormones for a few months or so.

First of all, I would like to welcome you to our little corner of the universe, I appreciate your thoughts and input.

I think a big problem faced by many is they don't see it as unfounded fear, to them it's very real and it's hard to get to that point where you can see it for what it really is. I've always said that there's no right or wrong way of doing this, there's only your way. Sometimes you can lay out a plan and follow it to the letter, and sometimes you just have to close your eyes and hope for the best, but I think it's like that for anything in life. I do know that taking that first step is a real LuLu, and I applaud and respect everyone who takes it, and I also respect those who decide it isn't for them...BTW, very good discussion!

Karen :g2:

[karmatic1110]

I think a big problem faced by many is they don't see it as unfounded fear, to them it's very real and it's hard to get to that point where you can see it for what it really is.

This was really a reminder for me. It's been so long since I've been in the position to fear all of the beginning things that for a moment I forgot how terrifying they can be. I would not have said my fears at that time were unfounded and I actually remember how easy my therapist made it all sound. I recall her saying things like "Why don't you go walk around your favorite store when nobody is around to get comfortable being dressed that way?" and me thinking she was completely out of her mind. It sounded like the end of the world.

It is only after each incremental step that I would look back on it and think "Well that wasn't so bad."

Charlotte

[Byanca]

Thank you for the video, i've done all things imagined to overcome fear. It is mostly of other people, since I am very shy IRL. So I need to hear things like this :hugs:

[SirTrey]

I guess I'd better go stick my head in the oven and put an end to it all, I made the mistake of having SRS and I'm not beautiful, plus I know I'm not convincing because swarthy looking European men with moustaches don't throw their rain coats down over puddles in my path. I also think they should add a beauty pageant to the Standards of Care, maybe they can do it like American Idol and have the public call in and vote.

Karen :g2:

Sweetie, I would lay MY rain coat down for YOU anytime....and that also goes for Kat.....:)

[lisajd]

My only fear is keeping a job and my family. If i didint have that fear i would not hestate to be girl i know i am

[CharleneT]

If you know that all that is holding you back is generally unfounded fear, then I would agree with this statement. You HAVE to know, with some level of certainty, that this is what you want or need. I can't say that I knew for sure that it was right for me until I was on hormones for a few months or so.

The insidious thing about fear, especially fears of social rejection, is that you really do not know how it is going to play out until you experience it. It may be just as you fear, or less or much less, or much more... It is a gamble. I remember, fondly in a way, the first few times I went out dressed. It was to see various events and I went alone. I was very scared - and some of what I feared was there and real - but for the most part things were much easier than I thought it would be. Later, when more relaxed, I hit some of the bad things I had feared before. BUT I was more able to deal with them. I won't say I was "prepared" but at least I was more in my own skin. Hence the personal attacks seemed pointless to me.

There are times when you hit that wall and you have to deal with something or someone nasty. That is when you had better be sure of why you are doing this and (hopefully) you are doing it for yourself. The big trick, as above, is that it is a sliding scale. It is hard to know the *point* when you know for sure this path is for your steps.

I personally feel that Charlotte's vid's are helpful to many people and are very wonderful. While I know and understand what she says, it is nice to see it put together better than I can express it myself. Thank you Charlotte for that !

Charlene