Don't You Just Hate When This Happens?

[Girly Sara]

The scenario.....

You go out en drab for some femme shopping and are looking forward to it. You get to the mall, walk into a girly shop and then....freeze....you start to feel paranoid. Your male side kicks in and you act as if you don't wanna be there. In my case, i'm with my girlfriend and end up following her and pretending to be the boyfriend in tow and half-heartedly looking at clothes.

GGRRRR, i bloody hate when this happens! It's as if my female mindset has tried to come out to play and enjoy what she does best and then the dreaded male (shouldn't be looking at girly clothes) mentality takes over. Thankfully this scenario doesn't occur as much as it used to do but i hate it when it happens!

Can anyone echo this feeling?

Sara xxxx

[SusanCACD]

Yes, all to often. I have been to Macy's and a few other places but most of the time I do freeze up. It is really hard to get over it. I have been wanting a pencil skirt ans silk blouse for a long time but working up the courage to actually step into a VS store has been tough. I went one time wearing a gaff and pantie hose under my jeans and just plain chickened out. Where so many find the courage I don't think I'll never know.
Susan

[Patricia1]

It's the old adrenaline rush - fight or flight, in this case, shop or stop. Since we're multi-faceted people it's entirely logical to war with oneself when in conflict with a desire. Should I eat that cake, sure looks good but not healthy for you. Or, I l'd love to try on that blouse, but you're a man you fool. It will take a while before you stop shooting at yourself and aim to please yourself instead. Stay the course honey.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i shop for my girly clothes while in male mode,,,i have even tryed things on,,,
your money is just as good as anyone elses....

[Tora]

Hey Gurl,

You will get past this. There is no reason not to be there. A guy could be just trying to pick out something for a S-O. What lady would not be impressed. If they thought it was for you, they would be more interested in any kind of ways, or most likly not interested at all. By displaying confidence,
manners, and not doing the stalker thing, we are fine. I have done a prompt exit, if the place is very busy. I just purchased a wrap dress from Tall Girl, this week. It is a bit small, but I have tried it on, and been waiting for the mark down and sale. The shop was busy with a half dozen GG's. I would not impose and try anything on at that time, as why make a impression coming out of a dressing room, with GG's predominate. A small shop with private seperate dressing rooms, that still open out to the main sales floor, is not where I feel ready to make an enterance. I do shop in drab, underdressed, with slip, forms, shoes and Veronica in a shopping bag. Full Speed ahead, wow, with a Girlfriend as gun bearer, adviser, YOUR COOL.

Holy Smoke, with your photo, the GG's would be intimidated, if they could see you dressed, you are fantastic! BRAVO!

[erica12b]

i know what your saying , a gg once told me it takes balls to shop for a dress as a guy lol

[Lainie]

I used to shop in drab and often had chills of fear. then eventually I noticed that salesladies are (almost always) delighted to sell to any buyer.

Now I limit my shopping by adhering to strict rules:

you must try before you buy
you must be at least under-dressed to buy anything femme at all


and this year I am trying hard to shop for clothes only if I can wear a skirt into the shop.:o
Since I can't dress most days, this provides a little balance, and also gives me a place to wear all this stuff I already have in the closet!:D

[Alana65]

I can totally relate.........

Less than a month ago, I went to the mall (specifically to go the Sephora cosmetics store) to ask about having a makeover.
I was determined to do it...............until I got to the store.:Angry3: I completely "chickened out".
Someday I will do it, but that day wasn't it.

[Leslie Mary S]

Yep so far I have gone shopping once (this week was the first) Previously I have been shopping, and even trying on, en Drab.
I normally go with my Daughter. :itsok:She LOVES to shop. Neither of us have much funds, we both are on a very limited income. I have used a verity of alibis:
1. wardrobe for the studio:shades:
2. birthday gift for cousin Leslie or identical twin sister:heehee::battingeyelashes:
3. Need outfit for the local (or not local) womanless beauty
contest for charity:love:

Anything to justify my buying in a community that thinks with a narrower mind than mine.:yawn:

[Jenny Beth]

Yup, been there done that. The worst part is sometimes it's weeks in planning to go shopping and I come home with nothing while my wife gets a new top or something. :sad:

[Crysten]

Which is why I do all of my shopping online - you can literally get EVERYTHING online nowadays!! I have a rather large wardrobe, 99% of which was dilevered via the good old US Postal Service. Metrostyle, Danskin, JC Penney, and Hanes are my fav sites =).

Crysten

[Christina Horton]

I have had that feeling too. I think all CDes have at one point. I have make up my mind (since i have the best 4 days in a row of my life dressed as Christina , and to no small exstent in my whole life) form now on when i get home from a trip i will go out dressed as Christina, wather it be shoping paying bills or even gasing up the car i will try to be dressed up. I had way too much fun the last time out. I wrote about called "my best day ever......." . so you should do the same and if you do you mught find you go out dressed much more, LOL. SO have fun with that very cool GF. HUGGS :hugs: :canada:

[MissConstrued]

Being that I have no fashion sense, I have to take a girlfriend with me anyway... so not a problem. :)

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Before I go shopping, I have to get myself psyched up - I think the best thing

is to grasp as much DETERMINATION as you can - say to your self over and

over, I AM GOING TO DO THIS - do not even think about chickening out -

JUST develop CONFIDENCE and DETERMINATION and keep FOCUSED - don't

act nervous or scared - act as though you belong there - and that it is just

NATURAL for you to be shopping there - keep your CONFIDENCE and your

DETERMINATION and JUST GO DO IT !!!


JoAnne Wheeler

[Leslie Langford]

The scenario.....

You go out en drab for some femme shopping and are looking forward to it. You get to the mall, walk into a girly shop and then....freeze....you start to feel paranoid. Your male side kicks in and you act as if you don't wanna be there. In my case, i'm with my girlfriend and end up following her and pretending to be the boyfriend in tow and half-heartedly looking at clothes.

GGRRRR, i bloody hate when this happens! It's as if my female mindset has tried to come out to play and enjoy what she does best and then the dreaded male (shouldn't be looking at girly clothes) mentality takes over. Thankfully this scenario doesn't occur as much as it used to do but i hate it when it happens!

Can anyone echo this feeling?

Sara xxxx

...is that when I am in that same situation but buying things for my wife in drab, none of that paranoia kicks in.

The mind is a funny thing - it gives me "permision" to buy female attire when it is for a "legitimate" reason i.e. for a GG, but it sub-consciously seems to withhold that approval when I seek to buy similar items for myself. This curious reaction must be some kind of ingrained self-defense, anti-embarrassment fear factor that I need to work at deliberately to overcome.

The supreme irony here is that none of this internal conflict is evident to the SA's we are interacting with. They are not psychics or mind readers. They simply see a guy purchasing female clothing, don't necessarily suspect that it is for us, and frankly couldn't care less. Their job is to assist the customer and make their sale. Period.

If anything, rather than being subjected to negative remarks when shopping for womens' clothing, I can't even begin to count the number of times I have gotten favorable comments from SA's or other nearby female shoppers on my good taste in womens' clothes and/or ability to co-ordinate outfits and accessories. Ironically, many have expressed envy of the person for whom I am allegedly shopping for these "gifts" in having a husband/SO who is so in tune with women's fashions and knows what would look good on them. Often, they will say things such as "I wish my husband (or boyfriend) would take the trouble to buy me such a nice (skirt/top/dress/handbag/shoes etc.) - all he wants to do is sit in front of the television set with a beer and watch football or hockey", or a variation on that theme - "I just love it when a guy buys me clothes. It makes me feel so special".

Bottom line - in most cases, buying female clothes elevates us in the eyes of SA's or other females much more often than it labels us as "odd" or "creepy". And again - it all depends on how we present ourselves. If we stride purposefully into a women's clothing store, know what we are looking for, and make the SA our ally rather than slinking furtively around the racks, a positive shopping experience is virtually guaranteed.

Now, as to the fear factor you describe, Sara, my tactic is to adopt the Nike slogan i.e. "Just do it!". Like jumping off a 10 meter diving board - the first plunge is the hardest as you really need to "psych" yourself out to complete it, but the rest then come naturally. On any given shopping trip, for me stepping into the first womens' wear store is the hardest hurdle to overcome. When I then get affirmation that not all eyes are upon me and I am approached by a friendly and helpful SA, my comfort level grows and the rest of the shopping trip becomes a breeze - especially when reinforced with the types of positive comments that I alluded to above:daydreaming:.

[IMJenn]

I am always the boyfriend in tow when I'm shopping. I let my girlfriend lead me around the store, whisper to her when I see something I like, and she will grab it off the rack and so on and so forth.

I'm a bit shy.

[JillHill]

i know what your saying , a gg once told me it takes balls to shop for a dress as a guy lol

That's what the woman at the spa told me when my wife and I had pedicures together and I had her paint my nails red, the same color as my wife. It happens as you gain security with yourself. That has only happened as I have aged. Peace, Jill

[Karen564]

I think it's all in the mindset in either drab or dressed as female, so once you get rid of the "what will people think", and just not care what anyone thinks, it will make you feel more comfortable and then you will feel like you Belong there.. and will be much smoother sailing for you the next time.

[Sarah...]

Can anyone echo this feeling?


Yes - once upon a time. So I know it feels bad. In my case it seems to have gone though.

Becky and I were shopping today and whilst we were in one shop I noticed a girl and her boyfriend wandering around. He in tow, she browsing. The boyfriend started watching me cos I was shopping in a different part of the shop to Becky and had an armful of potential purchases (there was a ridiculous "credit crunch" sale on :) ). Eventually I could see him smiling whilst watching me. So I guess he thought he'd "made" me. Then he watched as I payed for my stuff. The new feeling for me? I wasn't bothered :) Just a woman out shopping after all. So the feeling you describe has gone. Which is great! It added to my feeling of freedom.

Sarah...

[Girly Sara]

Thanks for your responses, girls. Some great feedback!

There's no better feeling than walking into a girly shop and browsing around amongst the real girls.

I've also been trying on clothes more frequently of late too. Shame i didn't feel that way whilst shopping down London's famous shopping district, Oxford Street yesterday (although i did try on some ladies' jeans)

It's pathetic that i get these guilt pangs as i've been shopping for girly clothes for years now and i've even had 2 bra fittings and also been out shopping enfemme!

I'm sure this will all become a complete breeze in time to come....if only it would happen now :-(

Sara xxx

[Sarah...]

Thanks for your responses, girls. Some great feedback!

There's no better feeling than walking into a girly shop and browsing around amongst the real girls.

I've also been trying on clothes more frequently of late too. Shame i didn't feel that way whilst shopping down London's famous shopping district, Oxford Street yesterday (although i did try on some ladies' jeans)

It's pathetic that i get these guilt pangs as i've been shopping for girly clothes for years now and i've even had 2 bra fittings and also been out shopping enfemme!

I'm sure this will all become a complete breeze in time to come....if only it would happen now :-(

Sara xxx

It'll happen :) I've shopped down Oxford street - with my sister and my wife - we had such a fun time. :)

And Camden Market.

And Covent Garden.

And places in between lol.

I can't explain how it's done - I just went shopping and it was easy enough. Maybe that's it - just go shopping. That's all it is.

:)

Not had a bra fitting yet though, Sara, need to wait 'til I've grown something worth measuring :)

Sarah...

[Annie D]

I know exactly how you feel and what you are talking about. This morning, I got dressed to go out and enjoy the day shopping; I started out at Target to look for a special colored top to go under a wrap I bought a couple of days ago, and then to another shop, and then to a couple of shoe stores. These stores are not next to one another but I had to drive to each one from the other. No anxiety attacks what-so-ever, even though I'm sure that there were patrons who recognized that I was a crossdresser. Then I drove to a Dillards and and couldn't muster up the courage to walk through the door. I don't have the foggiest idea why but my brain told my feet not to go inside. I got back to my car and drove to my tanning salon and walked right in. Oh by the way, it was the first time that I went to tan as Annie. I was well received and spent some time talking to the attendant. Go figure???

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

That's the only way I can go shopping with my wife. Never been out in public en femme, so it's always in guy-mode for me.

Often she'll just shop alone, find things she thinks will look good on me, and bring them home. Whenever I go out shopping with her, I always play the "guy who would rather be anywhere else" while she looks at clothes and asks if I think [whatever item] might look good on her friend Gabi. She knows I play the part like that on purpose and works with it.

A few times, I played the part too well and missed out on some items I was too shy to give the proper signs that I wanted. :doh:

I'd be much more comfortable shopping as Gabrielle with my wife... if I was just a tad more passable. :sigh:

[Karren H]

Nope... doesn't happen.....

[Veronica Lacey]

I hear you 20/20 on this one, Sara. Most times it is not a problem as I plan my approach, time of day, and ensure I am not even close to being hungry or needing a washroom. Those dumb little triggers elevate stress a bit, yes?

Sounds as if you generally have no problems shopping so this little thought may not mean much. If the store I am shopping in is in a mall I can add a little camouflage by carrying a bag with me from another store. Purchase a book or bring something light from home in a bag of one of the local department stores. All this does is throw off a little decoy for your self-conscious thoughts, letting you and others know you have other business in that mall and this is just another stop, nothing special.

It's a mind trick but it may give you that security blanket you need once in a while. :)

[linnea]

I've had that sinking, sickening feeling of being out of place more times than I'd like to remember--less and less these days, however.

[islandgirl]

It happened to me today with the wife!!! But she came to my rescue and said "do you want me to find you something?" Damn...it's a thousand baby steps out of the closet!!!
Love all the posts...Thanks girls.
Kris

[Cristi]

What puzzles me is that this happens to me all the time. If I walk into the women's department or, worse yet, the lingere department in drab, I get all nervous and end up just glancing at a few things as I rush through.

BUT, against all expectations, when I am out dressed I can spend all day browsing through racks of dresses and skirts, and wandering up and down rows of panties and bras.

So the odd thing for me is, all things considered, I am MORE comfortable in some situations out in public en femme than I am when out as a guy! I would never have expected this, and still can't ge over it.

I guess it all comes down to the fact that even if I am not passing and am seen as a guy in a dress, there is almost the feeling that at least I belong in that department because of the way I am dressed.

[alexmusic]

happened to me today, walked into the store looked at all the great clothes as my feet took me to browse the male clothes in which I had not even the slightless interest in and walked out, all maybe in less than 5 minutes.

Some days are really easy to just go, browse and shop :D some days its way hard :dammit: but there is always tomorrow, sigh!!!

[Adrianna_Sofia]

I also experience this, specially since I'm still "undercover"...I would totally have this resolve that I would go and buy something new (mostly dresses) and I would get all excited but as soon as I venture to the women's department I get this cold feeling and that all eyes are on me...Sometimes I snap out of it by psych-ing "I am a customer and my sale is important to them" but most often I turn around and end up sighing and frustrated...I guess it takes experience to muster up the courage...

[iwearstockings]

It happens to me a lot! I don't know why.. sometimes I have an afternoon where I jump on the tube to Oxford street determined to go to M&S or John Lewis to buy underwear. My success rate is probably 50% of the time and thats usually only after circling the Lingerie Dept. a dozen times. When I find myself pretending to be a lost boyfriend then I know the game is up and I'll change shops! Its a pain in the arse, I don't know why so shy I don't care what the assistants think..
Maybe Ebay has lessened my resolve seeing as I do so much shopping online. I know exactly how you feel tho!! you definitely not alone!

[Marlena_Sparkles]

I used to get that way. Not in a long time though. I got plenty of confidence from all my friends & even some strangers.(yea they help too)! Nowadays I go everywhere as a lady. No problem.

P.S. - I cut out an article title from my local newspaper a long time ago. It goes like this...Don't let fears stop you from pursuing dreams. It's on my fridge & I look at it several times a day.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Yeah, been there many times. A lioness on the prowl going into the shops, quickly turned into a fleeing gazellle for no apparent reason other than just plain old chickening out. :sad:

Tash

[Tina B.]

been there, got the t shirt, but not in a long time. I have had SA's tell me how lucky the lady in my life was and what good taste I have in womens clothes, I figured they where just being nice, and don't really care who it's for, but if they will be nice so will I, and buy something from them.
Tina

[serinalynn]

I have shopped with my wife both in drab and in womens clothing. I really don't care what other people see or think. I like looking and feeling womens clothing and lingeie on the rack or shelf. If my wife buys some thing, she'll ask if I want anything and I'll add my things to hers and only pay once. Most of the time no one will say anything, if someone does say anything, by respectful and listen and then go on about your business.

[Girly Sara]

Thanks for all your additional replies, girls.

We are/have followed the same journey with it's ups and downs along the way. However, i wouldn't change it for the world!

Sara xxxx

[sissystephanie]

I am like Karren, it has never happened. In fact, my late wife used to say that I was more at home in the ladies departments than I was in the mens. I think she may have been right. Certainly I spend a lot more time in the ladies departments, no matter which one!:)

[inquisitiv]

I have a slightly different twist on things. I'm not out to my wife, and quite often we go shopping together, mostly to look at clothes and shoes for her. Needless to say, it can be quite stressful helping her handle the merchandise and make fashion decisions--without looking too eager and interested or having a clue--maintaining that level of "normal" male detachment, whatever that's supposed to be. We basically wear the same sizes which makes things seem even worse. But I do have some fun, just can't tell her how much.