Confidence Shattered

[CLARRISA]

For the past 3 months, every weekend i'd get ready as Clarrisa and off i'd go without a care in the world, walking through malls, supermarkets, highstreets, all without any problems i felt at complete ease with myself,i'd get just the odd knowing look now and then but i'd just turn my head and look somewhere else till the moment passed. I felt top of the world, like i was a chamelion, then in the last 2 wks i started to get negative reactions. 1st it was a group of polish men where one was gesturing at me and joking with his pals, they seemed to follow me around the aisles at TK Max...next it was at a petrol station..2 lads get out of a van, 1 notices me getting out of the car "ha ha...ere..BIG BALLS" and gestures his friend to look..the final blow was last weekend in a New Look Store..i'm leafing through items on a rack and a group of young girls walk by..and one says to her friend "Thats a Man"...I went home and began to feel completely demoralised I think i've had what they call a wake up call or Reality check..hence sad to say Clarissa has been staying in this weekend..probably time to give the man a chance to reign again...anyone else had their Confidence shattered? and how has it affected you?

[Mirani]

Same principle as falling off a horse --- get back on again!

Sorry for your tough times, but ignore the idiots. They don't know YOU .. their behaviour says more about them than it does about you.

You GO girl!! Hugs

[Super Amanda]

It seems like you have had more good times than bad, wouldn't you say?

[Jan W]

Dear Clarissa,

Had something similar happen when out with a girlfriend a few years ago.

Since then I have mostly only been out to alternate type venues.

I am just on the brink of returning to mainstream so I feel for you and can empathise.

I think we have to ignore the rude people, display an attitude above theirs and carry on as a lady.

To explore the problem a little bit. I think there are more manly looking women out there than me. It is the combination of a few things that send signals to these rude people. Might be posture, gait, mannerisms but have too many and the signal goes out.

I think we must sharpen up in these areas if we wish to go abut our business unmolested by idiots.

Hope this is of help.


Jan

[Jonianne]

For me confidence is not in the "passing" part but in being confident in who I am. The last time I went out some guy just laughed and laughed until I was out of sight. I just held my head up high and walked on. Yes, it hurts, but you just go on knowing you have the guts to be who you are.

[donnaking]

probably time to give the man a chance to reign again...
I think you just answered your own question.

[Lisa Golightly]

It's crap when it happens but I don't really have the option of hiding... So I get up again, over and over...

[kristinacd55]

Clarrisa, the fact that u go out is huge! I give you big time "balls" for just doing that so to heck with all of them. You keep doing it girl! I don't go out, so for you to do it is just fabulous.

[Annie D]

I know that you feel down at this moment and those things have either happened or is about to happen to all of us. You have plenty of good experiences and a good history of going out. Don't let a couple of set backs deter you from getting out when you feel like it. Just know that the next time you go out will be very rewarding and fulfilling for you female self.

Most of us don't pass but it is the confidence and the way you carry yourself that will help you to continue. Good Luck!

[sissystephanie]

Clarrisa, if you have read any of my previous posts you know I go out all the time dressed. And I do go everywhere. The main difference is that I am a man who is wearing female clothing, from the skin out. BUT, NO wig and NO makeup, just a guy in a skirt.

What is important is not so much how you look, it is your attitude! I am a crossdresser, I know it and I don't give a d*** what other people say or think! Now if they try to touch me.................... then look out!! You probably have heard the old saying, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me!" That is so very true. As my 6th grade teacher said so many years ago, "people who call you names or make rude comments about you are only showing their own ignorance!"

Don't let that be the reason Clarissa becomes a stay at home CD!!:hugs: If you are satified with who you are, then show it!! In public!:hugs::hugs:

[TxKimberly]

Same principle as falling off a horse --- get back on again!

Sorry for your tough times, but ignore the idiots. They don't know YOU .. their behaviour says more about them than it does about you.

You GO girl!! Hugs


As always Mirani offers sound advice. I have my fair share of stares and giggles, and even out right laughter. So what? As long as no one got up in your face I wouldn't get too upset about it.
By the way, it's easy for me to do this now but was not always. It used to crush my when it was clear I hadn't passed. Later on I decided it wasn't worth the stress and decided that I was all right with people knowing I'm a cross dresser instead of a woman. Once you accept that, you'll never be crushed again. Annoyed, irritated, and a bit disappointed, but not crushed.

[Jonianne]

.......I decided ... that I was all right with people knowing I'm a cross dresser instead of a woman........

That Kim, I believe is the most important key.

[windycissy]

Clarissa,

It happens to the best of us, that's the price you pay for reaching for the stars...don't let it keep you on the ground, and above all don't let a run of bad luck affect your confidence, that poise and a smile are your best camouflage!

Cissy

[Carole Cross]

I get read qiute often, but I just don't let it bother me. Most people just look, but there was an incident with two lads playing football who kicked their ball towards me, not at me, and asked me to kick it back, as I was a man, but I just ignored them and carried on walking. I willprobably get more comments as I venture out during the day, but as I am transitioning, I( will just have to put up with it.
If you ignore people or smile at them they will probably leave you alone, although there will always be some who will want to make an issue about it. I hope these incidents will not put you off for long. :hugs:

[Girly Sara]

Clarrisa, sorry to hear of your set back, hun.

Keep your chin up and head held high and be proud of who you are. The morons aren't worth a toss!

You go girl!

Sara xxx

[MJ]

pick yourself up dust yourself off and do it all again.. my secret is i just don't give a crap what people think of me. just keep going

[Cary]

Use this to make you stronger. Keep going! You are an inspiration to us who wishes to go out, but doesn't.

[Elizabeth2-]

I work in a very difficult environment where there are plenty of jibes, "kicks" and giggles. But, i believe in and love me. You can, too. give yourself a big hug from me. xoxoxoxo

God doesn't make any junk

Love, Liz

[Nicole Erin]

1st it was a group of polish men where one was gesturing at me and joking with his pals, they seemed to follow me around the aisles at TK Max...
..i'm leafing through items on a rack and a group of young girls walk by..and one says to her friend "Thats a Man"...

A group of non-Americans was poking fun at you? I would have had a field day with them.. :devil:

The young girls - You should have just started talking to them, "Good afternoon, so how has your day been...?"

YOu know though, it seems like the negative reactions come in waves, it is like you go months without any and then all the sudden you get several in a span of a few days or even hours...

Just think, you just went thru a wave, so now things should be cool for a while...

[Berinthia]

There are women, and then there are ladies...
There are men, and there are gentlemen.
If you could construct a catwalk down the middle of this site, you would probably snicker at some of the girls, be awetruck by some, then there would inevitably be a catfight when two girls each wanted to get all the attention and hog the runway. You know who I'm talkin' bout........ :eek:

[adrienner99]

The macho guys who made fun of you would not last one day in your life. They would never have the courage to deal with the feelings you've dealt with.

[linnea]

Good advice. I've had forward strides and set-backs, but the most important thing is how I feel about myself.
You'll be okay and live to go out another day for great, confident times.




Same principle as falling off a horse --- get back on again!

Sorry for your tough times, but ignore the idiots. They don't know YOU .. their behaviour says more about them than it does about you.

You GO girl!! Hugs

[Satrana]

Later on I decided it wasn't worth the stress and decided that I was all right with people knowing I'm a cross dresser instead of a woman.

Absolutely. Unless you intend to live as a woman then it is probably time to move past the fantasy that people see you as a woman. There were undoubtedly many, many people who knew you were a man on early outings but simply were too polite or did not care to make an issue of it.

You next step is to accept that you are a CD man who wishes to be treated as a woman. Get comfortable with the idea it is OK for a man to do this. Interact with SAs in shops and use your normal male voice - you will find they treat you normally because they already know you are male before you utter a word.

BTW 99% of folk will tag you as gay since they think all men who crossdress are gay. I actually found comfort in that fact because my fear was based on people knowing I was a heterosexual man who was CDing so I was a pervert. Thinking of myself as gay, even though I am not, gave me license to overcome my fear that I was doing something wrong and shameful.

[Karren H]

Awww... I would pay them any attention!!! For me it isn't about passing it's about being comfortable out enfemme.... So let them think and say what they want... to me I look pretty good.... no matter how I'm dressed :)

[Cristi]

This is a hurdle I have not had to overcome yet. For some reason (luck?), certainly not how feminine I look, I have never had anything worse happen than the occasional odd look.

I honeslty don't know how it will effect me WHEN (not if) something more happens. I know it will set me back. I hope I can get over it quickly and it ends up just making me stronger. But until it happens, I just don't know.

Don't let it get you down. Like others have said (and my own personal mantra now), how other react says volumes more about THEM than it says about YOU!

[Berinthia]

On a forum of outsiders, I'm an even bigger outsider, I've had medical problems a long time now, and cross-dressing for me is fetish, like a John Willie cartoon from the 1940s. If I walked down the street in stilettos, corset, fake boobs and wig I would cause traffic accidents. I think if you dress in a little black dress, you better be on a diet and go to the gym, beauty parlor, plastic surgeon,... there is a multi-billion dollar industry built around making that little black dress look good. If you wear jeans and a blouse with a jacket, like most normal women do, no-ones even going to notice you most likely.
I wear sweat pants and a hoody. I'm cheap. I'm a snob. I've had psychiatrists who wear very expensive Italian loafers. I remember at my old job a few neighborhood ladies would come by and gossip with my partner Joannie, I didn't notice them at first, they were smart, nice, friendly, and after a while I said to myself, hmm, these ladies are really nice, I wonder if they're married. They ALL had wedding rings the sick of ROCKS!
Feeling-good101 says be who you are. STYLE is a bit more broad topic. It's about other people.
I'd like a pair of heels buried deep in my closet, but if I ever get well I'd like some nice man clothes, good skin, a nice haircut. I'd like to be the guy you girls notice.

[windycissy]

Absolutely. Unless you intend to live as a woman then it is probably time to move past the fantasy that people see you as a woman. There were undoubtedly many, many people who knew you were a man on early outings but simply were too polite or did not care to make an issue of it.

You next step is to accept that you are a CD man who wishes to be treated as a woman. Get comfortable with the idea it is OK for a man to do this. Interact with SAs in shops and use your normal male voice - you will find they treat you normally because they already know you are male before you utter a word.

BTW 99% of folk will tag you as gay since they think all men who crossdress are gay. I actually found comfort in that fact because my fear was based on people knowing I was a heterosexual man who was CDing so I was a pervert. Thinking of myself as gay, even though I am not, gave me license to overcome my fear that I was doing something wrong and shameful.

I don't think that's very good advice...for sure, if you're totally unpassable, why not kick back and use your mail voice, etc if you don't mind what people think, but for the lucky ones who have a shot at passing, acting and talking like a woman is part of the fun, and the more you do it, the better you get...

[Jonianne]

.......Unless you intend to live as a woman then it is probably time to move past the fantasy that people see you as a woman....

....You next step is to accept that you are a CD man who wishes to be treated as a woman. Get comfortable with the idea it is OK for a man to do this....

....BTW 99% of folk will tag you as gay since they think all men who crossdress are gay........

Satrana, for many of us, I think your advice is dead on.

[Sally2005]

No one likes to be singled out. Other than having a thick skin, take a good look at yourself...maybe you lost the bounce in your walk or your hair needs a tune-up... I think it is pretty hard to pass all the time, but if you radiate happyness people will smile at you.

[Claire Cook]

You next step is to accept that you are a CD man who wishes to be treated as a woman. Get comfortable with the idea it is OK for a man to do this. Interact with SAs in shops and use your normal male voice - you will find they treat you normally because they already know you are male before you utter a word.

Satrana and Kim are right on here. The confidence comes from the inside.
We're all going to "read" at some point -- just enjoy being comfortable in the clothes we love -- and that we are guys who wear them well.

[CLARRISA]

Thankyou all for your kind words,brilliant advice and support, it has giving me new insight and encouragement...I must tell you i got so paranoid..i pointed my web cam out on to the street i live on, and walked passed it a few times recording myself walking along as Clarrisa, just so i could get the 3rd person view of myself...stupid camera tho, everytime id hit record, go out, and come back in, the thing had failed to record ..yet when i'd do a test recording whilst i was indoors it would work,it was driving me nuts..it was like Shroiders Cat or something...i had to keep doing it, i was like "God, please let this damn thing work this time.."......Results..bad jumpy quality....however..i made some discoveries...1) My walk was too rushed and over strident 2) i didn't look relaxed, that "i don't belong look is real"....Mind you i was in no mood to go out anyway, was just something i thought i must try before giving up on it all. I take the point tho now, that i have to accept that i'm a crossdresser that wants to be treated as a women, and that every now and then someones going to make an issue of it, thanks again, its good to know your not alone.

[TerriM]

Going out enfemme is all about attitude. If you go out worrying all the time if someone is going to read you, you will get read. But like " so what " As long as they don't chase you with pitchforks like in the old Frankenstein movie who cares? I can't get out that much, but believe me, I enjoy every minute that I do. Life is too short to worry about some idiots that waste there time commenting about how others look. Just my two cents.

Yours Terri

[Sophie Haworth]

Clarissa.

I can really empathise with you and your current mood, the effect it does have on you.

If you get an opportunity take a look at some of my posts from the early days on here back in 2004 and you will hopefully see how I have grown in confidence over the years, and yet very rarely do I feel 100%.

I know many say passing is not important, and always seems to always be a bit of a contentious issue.

I am not really sure how important passing is to you, but I suspect it is of some importance or you would not get so down.

I would just keep working hard.

It has taken me a long time to get where I am now, and with the help of people on this forum, and using plenty of video of myself, I have learned a lot.

I have to disguise tons of masculine stuff to get out and about, and it is not easy, but when I am in the mood, well worth all the effort.

Try and get pictures on here and ask for some honest help, even via PM

Fortunately you will get some

Sophie.

[Berinthia]

Chin up, t*ts out Clarrisa!
Those bruises from the ten foot poles will heel, there's alot of emotional tides out there, float, tread water, swim, send ot S.O.S! whatever it takes, I'm glad you're here to help ME!

[tamarav]

Unfortunately, society has a tendancy to allow it's weak members to make fun of others, not just us CDs. Everytime someone makes a rude remark of gives me a strange stare, I just feel sorry for them. They have no idea how happy I am and how unhappy they obviously are. I do have a tendancy to face off with them though, something I don't recommend unless you are a Black Belt...I just hate ruining a new pair of hose to prove my point.

I threw the saddle off the horse long ago and now just jump back on the horse without even missing a stride. Being singled out happens to all of us and realizing just how strong you are will carry you through. You go girl!

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Do not let that upset you - get yourself an attitude where you JUST DON"T

CARE what anyone says about you - JUST BE YOURSELF - and as we all know

OURSELF includes being a crossdresser - it is a really big part of our inner

being - so just be yourself - go out with confidence, determination and an

attitude of JUST BEING WHO YOU REALLY ARE - and we all know who and

what we are.


JoAnne Wheeler

[Holly]

Clarissa, allow me to rephrase what many of the other ladies have said. It is much easier to be yourself than to be something that you are not. I was frustrated for so long trying to pass myself off as something I am not. I am not and never will be a genetic woman. I AM a transgendered person. I present myself in what most of society view as women's clothing. I wear makeup and long hair. I have absolutely no trouble passing as a transgender woman. Once I started trying to pass as what I was and not for what I could never be, I never had anymore problems. That's not to say there is still not the occasional giggle or surprised stare. But that's the other person's problem, not mine. Be yourself and be proud to be yourself, Clarissa.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i have a question...i know why we dress in womens clothes...
but why is it that we want to be treated as women???
why not just be happy with being treated as human beings instead??
i guess thats 2 questions...

after all isnt it what we all are,? HUMANS
and i was told that variety is the spice of life...some people are just not happy unless you look like them or dress like them.....
stupid fashionistas wanting everyone to dress the same.... we are NOT cattle

[Glenda]

All of my friends know I'm a crossdresser, not a woman. Why on earth would you care what strangers think? Very, very few of us can truly pass as a woman, but many of us can be very presentable as a female. I think most of us crossdress because it makes us feel good. It would be nice if everyone took as much pleasure from our crossdressing as we do, but they don't and they won't. It is something that most people do not understand. Therefore, some ridicule. The last time I checked, none of them paid my bills or put groceries on my table. I think I'll be true to the one who does.......me.

[Marlena_Sparkles]

Awwww. Sorry you had to go through things like that. I think most of us do from time to time. You just have to learn to ignore them. And drive on!!! As long as you are comfortable,that's all that matters! Sending...:hugs:

[Nicki B]

i have a question...i know why we dress in womens clothes...
but why is it that we want to be treated as women???

Well - for very many of us, the need to be treated as a woman is a part of our dysphoria?


I was in a filling station, today - there was a woman who set off my trannydar big time - yes, she had a masculine face, but what first drew the attention was her obvious nervousness and indecision about what she was trying to do?

Finally, she made her purchases and left - and got into a car with her husband and two children... Oops!


So, 'pretend' to be confident - and, if people accept you, you'll find that will build your actual confidence? But also remember - there's nothing wrong with being trans? By being openly yourself, you are carrying the flag for all those who can't expose themselves yet. That deserves respect - and, IME, often gets it, from cis-people.



Very, very few of us can truly pass as a woman, but many of us can be very presentable as a female. I think most of us crossdress because it makes us feel good.

Indeed..

[Prissy Linda]

For some people in our society, many have never seen a CD,Transperson before although they have heard of them. The first time seeing someone who is different can be somewhat of a shock but the more they see of us, maybe the next time they see a man dressed like a woman it won't be such a big deal.

My daughters don't know that I dress but they may have an idea since I do show some feminine mannerisms and have arched eyebrows and long nails but it doesn't seem to bother them. My spouse and I took our girls to Las Vegas a few years ago, We saw several CD's and some were obviously men, the first time our girls saw them they stared and their jaws dropped in total surprise, later during our vacation we happened to see 3 CD's watching the water show at the Beliagio and our girls noticed and glanced a few times but it wasn't the big deal like it was the first time. Later my wife commented that our girls reaction would probably be the same if they ever saw "dad" dressed that way.

For some people it takes time to adjust to something new, yes there are people who are just rude and ignorant but don't let a few comments and stares ruin something you love so much, People need time to adjust to new things, just like anything else.

[Satrana]

I don't think that's very good advice...for sure, if you're totally unpassable, why not kick back and use your mail voice, etc if you don't mind what people think, but for the lucky ones who have a shot at passing, acting and talking like a woman is part of the fun, and the more you do it, the better you get...

I don't see this as being about your level of passability but about being true to yourself. Sure it is fun to act and sound like a woman, and a great kick if you can do so successfully, but is that what CDing is actually about? Past the fun part are we not dressing to meet an emotional need? So if you do not believe you are a woman or intend living as a woman then what is the point of developing a character just to derive fun from? And does that not then impose a high standard on yourself that you can only crossdress if you go the whole way and emulate every aspect of a woman. Anything less and you feel incomplete or dissatisfied with your experience.

I believe it is good to comprehend that fun is just fun, but there are more important things to develop ie your acceptance as to what you are - a genetic male with a developed feminine sense living in a society still wanting to follow gender stereotypes.

By all means continue improving on your deportment skills if this brings you satisfaction and helps raise your confidence levels but do keep in mind what you actually want to achieve in the long run.

[ReineD]

I hope it's OK for a GG to jump in. I've got my own fears and insecurities about this topic too.

I thought the point of 'passing' was to help make it safer for a transperson dressed in women's clothing to be accepted out in public. True some TGs would like to be read as GGs as they feel it is the only way to be treated like one. But don't all TGs wish to blend in sufficiently in order to safeguard against potentially offensive (or dangerous?) members of a society that is still largely ignorant and biased against transness?

I also understand Holly and Satrana's point. It is best to hold one's head up proudly as it will do more to dispel ignorance than anything else. But is there potential danger, especially from groups of obnoxious men such as the OP described?

One last point .. and I haven't seen anyone mention it yet. My SO and I had dinner last night with friends, a TS and her wife. The TS told us that over time she put less and less effort in her makeup and clothing. Rather, in the beginning when she was a CDer it was all about the clothes and the makeup but now that she is living full time her style has reverted to the very effortless, casual style of dressing many CDs here deplore. It doesn't bother her in the least if people in town know she is trans. She knows who she is. Still, she has a small stature and she is on hormones so it is more difficult overall for people to read her.

My point is could it be that over time and with increased confidence, you might have taken less effort to be outside people's radar? Makeup applied more quickly, less attention to your hair, or not wearing long nails or less jewelry thereby putting your male hands more in evidence? Or maybe you've adopted a casual style of dress that might be more androgynous therefore easier to read? Also I imagine in the beginning many CDers are extremely conscious of the way they walk or sit while dressed. Would the conscious effort to adopt the more feminine moves dispel over time? Please accept my apology if this does not apply or if you find it offensive.

If you do find you've 'relaxed' your style somewhat in the last while, perhaps getting a makeover would give you a much needed lift emotionally as well as provide you with fresh ideas for a new look?
:hugs:

[JulieC]

... a group of young girls walk by..and one says to her friend "Thats a Man"...

If any of them were wearing pants, I think I might have said "You're a girl? Wearing PANTS? What's up with THAT?" and walked away.

[Nicki B]

I thought the point of 'passing' was to help make it safer for a transperson dressed in women's clothing to be accepted out in public.

Surely, if they 'pass', or 'blend', then no one actually accepts them - because no one notices the difference? :strugglin


*blows Reine a kiss* :battingeyelashes:

[Jess_cd32]

Just take a break untill your ready again to venture back out, and you will be:)

[Rachel B]

I dont want to label every cd'er with the same tag here, but on the evidence I've noticed when looking at pictures of cd'ers and reading posts regarding the clothes we like to dress in, I'd say that cd'ers do not dress to be un-noticed or to fit in!

I know I dont! I choose to dress in clothes that do something for me/to me. If I'd been born a girl I doubt I'd be doing this. Certainly from conversations with GG's they dont dress for the reasons I dress.

Is is possible that somewhere inside there lives a creature craving the attention (good/bad)?

When I walk down the street the people I notice are the ones who make an effort to be different, be it clothes, style, hair, make-up, whatever. I pay little to no attention to the fuddy's. I certainly wouldnt want to be one of them!

[Angie G]

That's life hun sometimes you get kicked sometimes you kick so go do some kicking girl :hugs:
Angie

[Jonianne]

Clarissa, allow me to rephrase what many of the other ladies have said. It is much easier to be yourself than to be something that you are not. I was frustrated for so long trying to pass myself off as something I am not. I am not and never will be a genetic woman. I AM a transgendered person. I present myself in what most of society view as women's clothing. I wear makeup and long hair. I have absolutely no trouble passing as a transgender woman. Once I started trying to pass as what I was and not for what I could never be, I never had anymore problems. That's not to say there is still not the occasional giggle or surprised stare. But that's the other person's problem, not mine. Be yourself and be proud to be yourself, Clarissa.

Obi-Wan Holly has spoken.

[ReineD]

Surely, if they 'pass', or 'blend', then no one actually accepts them - because no one notices the difference? :strugglin


*blows Reine a kiss* :battingeyelashes:

Nicki, I don't know how else to explain it. Maybe I should said to not make it obvious you're a guy in a dress (beard shadow, etc) so as not to elicit unwonted responses. And the other extreme, dressing in public like a DQ, might have a similar effect. Kate B's post just above yours explained it pretty well.

*Disclaimer* --> My comment was addressed to the CDers who wish to pass as women and not to the TGs who prefer to present a blended look.

Until people in general become more enlightened, sadly it will be a tricky situation for many CDs, TSs, and their partners who are also there experiencing the same rude looks and remarks. There are so many different situations and conditions that factor into anyone's personal comfort zone with whether to blend, or by how much.

*blowing a kiss back* :)

[PeggySue]

I'm not sure I can add much that hasn't already been said. Just go out and do it again. I remember my mom getting into an accident and she was afraid to drive again, but she was told to just go out again and drive. She did, and it was the best thing.

Also, if it helps, wear sunglasses the next time as a partial disguise until your confidence returns. But, like others have said, don't worry about people, just do it. You'll never see them again anyway.

[joann07]

Don't sweat it girl.
All those people are jealous because you look better than them.

Hugs!

[Sarasometimes]

The one comment was right "it takes big balls to be a crossdresser". Kidding aside, remember the great outings and focus on them. We all will have a bad day now and again. As others have suggested, dust yourself off and get back in the pedicure chair and lick a petty color!

[Hali]

Its always tough for Pinocchio.

Majority of CDs cant pass as women may be TS can present almost 100% feminine but MTF CDs are always men dressing as women so they might not come out looking 100% female. Come to think of it, even if u pass almost100% and some pple come up to u and ask u whether u are male or female, as a matter of honesty u have to tell them the truth that u are man presenting as a woman.

In light of what i say there should be no basis for u to be angry up to the "bones", yeah its a bit discouraging to be read and get negative reactions but hey u didnt get those negative reactions before so may be u are letting ur guards down that is, may be u are too confortable and started leaving beard shadow, more manly walk or over dressing etc my advice in that follow all the "passing rules" and stick to them never give in to those nasty comments. I have heard men commenting about some GGs and asking "is that a woman" and some women beign addressed as men so GET OVER IT and go have some fun.

[Carly D.]

First of all let me first say that the Polish men, well let me see how I can say this.. Polish people might be fine but my brothers wife is from Poland and all I really have to say about her is you know the pollock jokes you hear?? they aren't jokes.. THEY'RE REAL MAN!! I used to think no one is that bassackwards but wholly carp batman they are as backwards as humanly possible.. my apologies to the polocks reading this.. eat a brown substance if that offends you.. on to the feeling of being unable to be out amongst the masses.. I can't say anything but truth is I could never say anything to anyone about them looking like whatever.. that would take serious balls to do and I lack that type of stupid.. I think however a person wants to present themselves is fine.. dress the way you want.. I'm fine...

[Kiera]

It seems that you have already resolved your dilema. It shows alot of creativity, intelligence, and drive in your actions following your original post. I think that no matter how you procede... Just have confidence in yourself.
hugs,
Kiera

[ReineD]

they are as backwards as humanly possible.. my apologies to the polocks reading this..

Um, Carly I know you didn't intend on being offensive, but it's not a good idea to make sweeping statements like this anywhere, especially in a forum as diversified as this one. Someone is bound to become offended. :sad:

I'm not Polish, but hearing discriminatory remarks (or jokes) about anyone's race, religion, or gender from family, friends, or strangers has always offended me at a very deep level. It's just not fair to say that everyone in a subgroup acts the same way. In all groups, there are people who are educated and tolerant, and the reverse. Hopefully the ones who are not will eventually have their eyes opened.

[kellycan27]

Face it, there are plenty of idiots running out there and sooner or later you're going to run into them. happens to all of us at one time or another...Like so many have said... just ignore them. Sounds like your good experiences outweigh the bad. The good news is that nothing bad happened you except for a bruised ego.
Try and stay under the radar, dress appropriate to your surroundings. I think that some cder's ,when getting the chance to go out in femme really want to strut their stuff maybe because they don't often get the chance, or because they want to be "passable" in an attempt to aviod a situation like the one you described. Over dresseing may have the opposite effect by actually drawing attention to you,causing closer scrutiny.

[Nicki B]

I lack that type of stupid....

Stupidity clearly isn't defined by where you were born, or your racial group... :doh:

[Sheila]

CLARRISA, instead of giving into those rude, ignorant prople is there a good GG that you can perhaps ask to accompany you for the next few trips ... I know you shouldn't have to, bit I don't like the thought of you having to stay at home when you would rather be out dressed, love a duck hun if I was in your area I would pick you up on Sat am and you would be glad when sunday came round just so as you could rest :heehee::heehee:.. it makes me so angry when people because of their own damn insecurities pick on others :Angry3::Angry3:

[DaphneGrey]

First of all let me first say that the Polish men, well let me see how I can say this.. Polish people might be fine but my brothers wife is from Poland and all I really have to say about her is you know the pollock jokes you hear?? they aren't jokes.. THEY'RE REAL MAN!! I used to think no one is that bassackwards but wholly carp batman they are as backwards as humanly possible.. my apologies to the polocks reading this.. eat a brown substance if that offends you.. on to the feeling of being unable to be out amongst the masses.. I can't say anything but truth is I could never say anything to anyone about them looking like whatever.. that would take serious balls to do and I lack that type of stupid.. I think however a person wants to present themselves is fine.. dress the way you want.. I'm fine...

I often think the world would be a terrific place if closed minds came with closed mouths!
A sweeping racial slur, from a crossdresser, how pathetic!

I am having a little trouble wrapping my Polish brain around your comments. "bassackwards" (Tried to find that in the dictionary but I guess they left it out of the abridged version) "I lack that type of stupid.." (Is it really possible to possess an adjective)" Polish people might be fine but my bothers wife is from Poland"(and all this time I thought Poles were from Austria)

I admit it was a challenge for me, trying my hardest to understand what you had written. Do you think it is because I am Polish? Or perhaps I skipped class the day we were taught to read one hundred plus word run on sentences?

I am sorry Clarissa for going on this rant. Be yourself no matter what anyone else thinks. Some people are ignorant, some are unprepared and some are just jerks! Don't Give your life over to them, they don't deserve the satisfaction.

[MsJanessa]

don't worry about it--if you look half as good as the photo in your avatar you are stunning and I would be happy to be seen with you anywhere---one of the ironies of crossdressing is that the more perfect our makeup and hair and the more glam our clothing, the less likely we are to pass---those folks who pass most of the time usually dress down and are very drab looking---so unless they are unusually tall, over 6 feet, they almost never attract attention while Us glamor gurls turn heads and invite stares whenever we put on our makeup, do up our hair, put on our leather, satin, and heels and strut out the door.

[pamela_a]

Dobry dzień *Carly* I can't say I appreciate your comments about Polish people but I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter how misguided.

Clarrisa, I'm sorry you experienced just how shallow and cruel some people can be. Get back out there, keep your head up, and remember....you carry a brick in your purse for a reason, don't be afraid to use it. :)

-Paula-