Dating sites and being TG

[CharleneT]

Hi folks,

I wanted to report in about a dating site that seems pretty darned trans friendly ! If you have ever tried to use one, while in your female persona, you know that it can be hard to find anywhere that works ! The AFF system is full of freaks, frauds and weirdo admirer's. The truly TG ones like TSDating.com can be just strange and suffer from very low numbers.

Due to advice from a friend, I've been trying a new one: www.okcupid.com

It is great! There are some stumbling blocks at first but once you get the idea of how it works you'll see it is pretty cool. The first problem is that there is not a choice for trans-anything. BUT they do not mind at all if you are a man and maintain a female profile. There are a lot of trans folks there compared to anywhere else I've looked at. It also has the advantage of being pretty big, so even in a rural area like mine, you can find a fair number of folks to try and get to know. If you do try it, answer a lot of the questions, it helps in matches. The matches are based on those answers, so the more you give, the better the chance it is accurate. The selection for your "status" is a bit odd. BUT it does work out in the end.

In my profile I explain right off, that I am a CD and so far I have had very little in the way of negative reactions. The positive ones far out weigh the neg's !

So, if this is something you have been looking for, check it out ! Drop by and say hi if you do stay ;)

Charlene
p.s. nope, do not work for them, just excited to find a decent dating site.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Good for you - we have heard so many horror stories before


JoAnne Wheeler

[Alicia_lynn419]

OKcupid has been around several years.. I've been on it for at least 3, going on 4 years now. They do seem to have a little more accepting crowd, but still, not much more than on the whole. I have made some wonderful friends there however... It's definitely worth a shot.. even if you don't find a love match - ou WILL make some new friends!

[Marilynn]

I checked out OKcupid a few weeks ago after I saw a mention of it on a local blog. It didn't occur to me to look for any TG/CD members, but I didn't stumble on anyone either. I'lll have to take a look now.

[CharleneT]

What are some other dating sites? I've been on Alt.com, but I'm too cheap to buy an account, so I'm stuck with standard.
I'm kind of at a stage where I'd really like to perform oral sex on a guy, but I'm trembling just typing it. That excitement and fear is part of the thrill I'm looking for, I guess, but basically I'm pretty square. And you all have to admit it's complicated....

Well, there are lots of them. If you look on the home page of alt you'll find listings for all the AFF sites ( I do not like them much ). There is Chemisty and match.com and EHarmony. But all those will boot you out if they suspect TG etc (heck even gay). The is TSDating.com and all of its alias's ( different names, same site). Depending on where you live, there are regional sites. If you search on google for dating sites you'll get lots to look at.

[tricia_uktv]

What are some other dating sites? I've been on Alt.com, but I'm too cheap to buy an account, so I'm stuck with standard.
I'm kind of at a stage where I'd really like to perform oral sex on a guy, but I'm trembling just typing it. That excitement and fear is part of the thrill I'm looking for, I guess, but basically I'm pretty square. And you all have to admit it's complicated....

Ha-ha, you'll be shaking more when it happens Berinthia but it isn't complicated, its in your head. I'm very wary of all these sites although I have hooked up with people from them. Just never count your chickens. Its better to meet people naturally, in real life, if you get the opportunity.

[marla01]

I just joined okcupid today and it does look interesting.

Be very wary of TSDating and it's clones. I feel they are very dishonest to their paying customers. Why?

The reason is tied to their paying/non-paying member policy. First, paying members cannot tell of a 'match' is a paying member or not. They can write to non-paying members, BUT non-paying members cannot reply! This means paying members are shown profiles that for all practical purposes are worthless. Probably a majority of the profiles they see are worthless. Actually it's worse than that, the paying member spends time writing a nice introduction that cannot be responded to, wasting their time and energy. This I think is totally unethical.

Note that alt.com, aff.com and it's clones are much more ethical in that non-paying members can respond to paying members emails. However they do have a policy of leaving in old profiles of long gone members.

Marla

[PaulaSF]

Hi Charlene,

Thanks for the head's up on okcupid.com- didn't know about that one!

I'm another of those "too cheap" for the pay sites sorts. I did have a paid membership on alt.com, but was like pulling teeth to actually end up only meeting two people for all those months/$

I get so frustrated with all their spin-offs, AFF/Xmatch, as it seems as a non-paying member I can't even respond to those that contact me, so effectively worthless!

I found the various Yahoo groups (there are several that are ostensibly Bay Area focused) to be fairly worthless- bulk of the memebrs out of the area, and 90+% totally closeted, and seemingly only femme, at home, in front of the PC :)

Frankly, tho a ridiculous numbers game/time waster (i.e., ~2% success rate!) are the personals on Craig's List- certainly the price is right! Misc. Romance, vs. Casual Encounters seems to help a bit (tho far fewer posts/viewers) as so much hooking up focus on CE!

One of my biggest pet peeves in dating as a t-gal, is the extreme focus on closeted, sex-only quickies! I want to form on-going connections, and enjoy fun evenings out! Any intimacy, after a suitable period to gauge chemistry, etc. (bit of a "rules girl" here!) is "icing on the cake" not the raison d' etre for getting together with someone!

It also seems that the more comfortable & confident you are (which makes all those out n about evenings possible!), the more likely you are to intimidate the potential dating pool!

Oh well, just gotta keep at it!

cheers,
Paula

[CharleneT]

I just joined okcupid today and it does look interesting.

Be very wary of TSDating and it's clones. I feel they are very dishonest to their paying customers. Why?

The reason is tied to their paying/non-paying member policy. First, paying members cannot tell of a 'match' is a paying member or not. They can write to non-paying members, BUT non-paying members cannot reply! This means paying members are shown profiles that for all practical purposes are worthless. Probably a majority of the profiles they see are worthless. Actually it's worse than that, the paying member spends time writing a nice introduction that cannot be responded to, wasting their time and energy. This I think is totally unethical.

Note that alt.com, aff.com and it's clones are much more ethical in that non-paying members can respond to paying members emails. However they do have a policy of leaving in old profiles of long gone members.

Marla

Hi Marla,

I've never paid on TSDating, and when I tried to use it in the past I could send messages. I think, like AFF, they change their policies on a whime. The AFF places are all full of fake profiles that they create, sometimes even the messages you get are fake. Never pay them money !!

FYI to all, OKCupid is a free only site. No payments ever, they live on ad $$.

[lisalove]

I joined okcupid yesterday, and I already have three quivers. I haven't even filled out my profile yet.My name on there is missouricd, so I hope that points out that I am a cd.

[Becca_Ia]

I can remember about three different dating sites...URNOTALONE isn't too bad, although I'm no longer a member. I 've also had account's on both AFF and OKCUPID. I got tired of the of the sappy pickup lines and the other members who were sure I was on the site for their pleasure and not mine on AFF. I thought OKCUPID was too difficult to use (maybe I'm not patient enough).
I'd be interested if anyone else knows of another friendly site.

[windycissy]

I met a great guy on OKCupid, the hoops they make you jump through to connect are a pain but they do tend to screen out the sickos...I agree with Paula about Craigslist, the success rate is very low but if you're ruthless about weeding out the weirdos, you can meet Mr Right there, at least I did...

[CharleneT]

I met a great guy on OKCupid, the hoops they make you jump through to connect are a pain but they do tend to screen out the sickos...I agree with Paula about Craigslist, the success rate is very low but if you're ruthless about weeding out the weirdos, you can meet Mr Right there, at least I did...

Hoops to jump thru ? As far as I know, you just write to anyone you want to. At least that is how it has worked for me. The IM feature stinks, but I don't use IM that much anyhow.

[windycissy]

Hoops to jump thru ? As far as I know, you just write to anyone you want to. At least that is how it has worked for me. The IM feature stinks, but I don't use IM that much anyhow.

I mean when they send you teasers about potential matches and make you answer a bunch of questions about yourself before you can send a message to them...

[Karen__Starr]

I had a bad experience there but do not contribute the problem to the site but one of their members. He pretty much got me to the point of a date but several days prior to this his wife emailed me (was I shocked) and asked what was going on? She had no clue that I was not a real woman and was under the impression I was his mistress. I wrote back and suggested that rather than me explain things that he should. After three messages he still did not tell her and I never heard from either of them again.

I am sure if I were to investigate this would not be the first time I dated someone who was married and had not told me. I am more cautious now, listen for tell tale signs, look for wedding band etc.

[RobynP]

okcupid (http://www.okcupid.com) is... okay... I've met a couple of women on there who were very favorable to crossdressers. I enjoy taking their quizzes. They can be fun and funny... The "quiver matches" are a joke...

Robyn

[sometimes_miss]

Alright, it's an interesting site. But when I look for a match, specifying within 100 miles, I get hits all over the country. And, what's 'gray goo' matching? I changed it to match % but no luck changing the huge area they send me matches from.

[amots49]

i've tried dateacrossdresser, urnotalone, and tvchix, i think tvchix was the best but since i don't want any of these on my credit card, i guess i'm not the best source