Please help me get over the "It's too late" feeling...

[tgirlinva]

I can't sleep, I can't sit still, I can't concentrate, I can't pay attention in class. I will be turning 27 in September and I can't stop feeling that it's too late to transition. I don't know why b/c I really want to transition and do this wholeheartedly... but it's like my fears are braking my positive mindset. No offense to anybody, but when I see those beautiful transitioned girls, I can't help but feel jealous and ponder why I didn't realize who I was at 16 or 17. I feel like the less fears I have when I start HRT, the more successful I will be at passing. But it feels like I have this huge baggage on my shoulders. I just want to buy hormones online and inject myself the highest dosage I will find. I'm like a mess.

[Daniel1977]

I can't sleep, I can't sit still, I can't concentrate, I can't pay attention in class. I will be turning 27 in September and I can't stop feeling that it's too late to transition. I don't know why b/c I really want to transition and do this wholeheartedly... but it's like my fears are braking my positive mindset. No offense to anybody, but when I see those beautiful transitioned girls, I can't help but feel jealous and ponder why I didn't realize who I was at 16 or 17. I feel like the less fears I have when I start HRT, the more successful I will be at passing. But it feels like I have this huge baggage on my shoulders. I just want to buy hormones online and inject myself the highest dosage I will find. I'm like a mess.

I could have wrote that word for word almost.

`I just want to buy hormones online and inject myself the highest dosage I will find. I'm like a mess.`

I`m 31. same fears. Im just hoping its not to late.

[Carole Cross]

I wanted to transition at sixteen, but I was warned off it after being caughr dressed. I decided to supress my feelings and live as a guy. When I was about your age I realised that I should have transitioned when I was younger. I too thought it was too late and I had no way of finding out what I could do, as there was very little or no information available.
I am now 40, 41 next month, and because of the internet, I have been able to find my true self and make the decision that it is not too late to transition. I know that I will probably not be very convincing as a woman, but I can't go on as I am.
I would say that it is never too late to follow your dreams and just go for it, your happiness is more important than how you look. Before you start buying hormones it is best to seek asvice from a doctor, otherwise you could do more harm than good and you may never be able to transitoin fully. :hugs:

[tgirlinva]

I wanted to transition at sixteen, but I was warned off it after being caughr dressed. I decided to supress my feelings and live as a guy. When I was about your age I realised that I should have transitioned when I was younger. I too thought it was too late and I had no way of finding out what I could do, as there was very little or no information available.
I am now 40, 41 next month, and because of the internet, I have been able to find my true self and make the decision that it is not too late to transition. I know that I will probably not be very convincing as a woman, but I can't go on as I am.
I would say that it is never too late to follow your dreams and just go for it, your happiness is more important than how you look. Before you start buying hormones it is best to seek asvice from a doctor, otherwise you could do more harm than good and you may never be able to transitoin fully. :hugs:

I understand where you come from... and I completely empathize. However, I don't think I would go through with it if I knew 100% that I would not pass. Passability, to me, is like the one thing that will help me transition successfully and without that, I can't go through with it. i don't want to be stuck between two worlds.

[cd_britney_426]

I know it is easier said than done, but ultimately you have to do what makes you happy and not what pleases other people. I'm 24 and have thought about transitioning but for now I am a CD and not 100% sure if I'm actually a TS. However, at this time I am happy with where I am so I'm not worried about it. However, if say a few years from now or less or even longer I decide I want to take it farther, I am aware that there are serious social risks but in the end, it is about what I truly want and not about conforming. I wish you good luck and always have some hope and confidence. Try to picture what you truly want and block out what they want. Then act on it accordingly. Britney

[Carole Cross]

I am not saying that I don't want to pass, I do and will do my best to achieve that. Surely being happy within yourself is more important. I have read many times on this forum that the key to passing is being confident when you are out, I was very nervous when I first went out but found that most people don't even notice you. You will find that passing will be easier to achieive than you think, so far I have had no problems even from people who have read me.

[GypsyKaren]

Too old for what? I was twice your age when I transitioned, you still have all of those years ahead of you. The simple fact of the matter is you're not ready to transition yet, you have way too many insecurities and questions weighing you down and those need to be addressed first. You also seem to have a little voice in your head that keeps filling you with doubts and fears, it's like you want to move forward but at the same time don't because you keep finding ways to talk yourself out of it.

You think passing 100% will make it all lollipops and rainbows for you? Not hardly, passing won't make your problems go away and neither will hormones, you'll still have to face the world every day and make it work, that's how life works for everyone and everything. The majority of us don't pass 100% of the time, some like me hardly at all, so what? If you are truly a woman inside, then you will not be "stuck between two worlds", your world is who you are.

None of this comes easy, nothing in life does, but if you're waiting for everything to fit into a pretty wrapped package then you're going to be in for a real long afternoon because it ain't gonna happen. You want it? Do it. Can't do it now? Wait till you can.

Karen :g2:

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I'm 52 and realized in the last few month's that all my years of crossdressing was my transsexual side coming thru. I've realized recently that I'm a woman inside and that's how it's been all my life. I repressed it and did the guy things that society mandates etc. but I always crossdressed as an outlet for my womanly side. I'm becoming more comfortable with myself and want to transition, I know I won't look passable but if I am being me, It will feel right for the rest of my life..

As Karen say's it's never too late, you have to decide whether you can live a lie as a man or live as you..I'm choosing, living as me, Kimberly. :battingeyelashes:

[SirTrey]

49 and transitioning here....And I agree 100% with Karen that nothing is perfect....I am passing now, but when I first started on hormones, I didn't and that was hard....Sometimes when you are TS, passing is the LEAST of your problems....For Me, the passing came with time, but the social repurcussions were way worse on the personal level, from losing My family to going through hell getting people in My life to leave it alone and just let Me do what I needed to do....What transitioning gives you is the inner peace of living in the correct gender/living the right life for you as the person you ARE....Passing is great and I love it, but it's only part of the whole deal. Good Luck, **Trey**

[Leanne2]

Honey,
Most of us would love to be 27 again and know then what we know now. You are absolutely not to old to transition. But I sense your doubts about it. Don't use your age as an excuse.
But you need to be sure about this. Have you had any sessions with a therapist? You might want to consider doing that. Good luck. Leanne

[tgirlinva]

Thank you for all your input. i have been working with a therapist, one who actually specializes in trans-issues. she and i both know that i'm miserable where i am now and b/c i'm a woman inside, my best outlet for relief is to transition.

maybe i'm thinking the wrong way, but to me, passing is my measure for a successful transition. if i pass, people won't think of me as "the man in the dress" or the "man" or the "weirdo". i will just be the woman, inside and out. i realize i will have many many obstacles dealing with society... but if i can't pass... i don't know how i could deal with that. this is not to say that that's what every TS girl feels or meant as any offense to those who transitioned later in life... but that's just how I feel.

[GypsyKaren]

Giving yourself a happy life gives you a successful transition, and you should only be worrying about how YOU think of yourself instead of others who you have no control over. What happens if you do pass but someone somehow finds out about you, does your life end and you go back? Not hardly, you face and deal with it just like everything else in life. There's no way you're going to get a free pass for 100% perfection of everything before you start, nothing comes that simple.

Karen :g2:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

as karen said,.....this is ABOUT YOU!!!! the hard part can be that for many of us (for example - me)....i repressed this so bad i think it created some serious self esteem issue so i'm very impressionable and i tend to let other people tell me things and i dont challenge them

in this case, it finally all blew up and i accepted and realized that i needed to live my life for me...this took me almost 40 yrs to figure out....i'm 46

as far as the not passing....i can only say this is about YOU and if you feel that you'd rather suffer the rest of your life knowing you are a woman, that really is up to you...but based on your posts, that is your choice vs. transition

Lots of ts folks go back and forth, so your confusion and fear is totally normal, and frankly its not fair that you have to deal with this...but i'm still looking at the book of life for the page that says life is fair....

keep working at it and you may be surprised how you feel in due course...

one therapist said a brilliant thing to me...if you dont know what to do, if you are lost, then your best plan is one day at a time.....

[TxKimberly]

Young one's, I don't mean to trivialize your worries and fears, but for someone in their early 30's and younger to feel that they are too old for ANYTHING is being just silly. You still have so much life ahead of you. You have many things that demand your attention and require your concern, but being too old isn't one of them.

[Sharon]

I wonder what you consider to be "passing." Does this mean that if you can't be drop-dead gorgeous you don't pass? I'll have you know that I am not quite the potential Miss America candidate, but I do pretty well as far as living my life in peace goes. It's all in attitude and in your ability to be totally blasé about yourself in public.

And as you have been told, if you have the doubts that you repeatedly post here, then you should put everything on hold -- no hormones and no transitioning -- until you come to some conclusion about yourself and your desires.

[Lisa Golightly]

I really don't care that I'm in my 40's, that I'm never going to have the body of a beauty queen because that's not what it's about... Youth and looks are transient... what matters is what is in the heart and head not the mirror.

I agree with Sharon... Your doubts serve to show you are not ready to enter this yet.

[Patricia1]

You really need "to know before you go". Passability is one thing, belief is another. Follow you beliefs, live them.

[Melissa A.]

You have now. I'm 49 and in mid-transition. I sure would like to have done it at 27. Or 37. Or 47, even. But I wasn't ready, in alot of ways and for alot of different reasons. It would have been nice, but it didnt happen, and I have now. I realise I don't have a ton of time before I start creeping into the eldery phase of my life. But we only have one life, as far as I know. We deserve to attempt to be happy, whenever that is. I met a woman who transitioned at 71. She was, it seemed, as much a woman as any 20 year old. And she looked happy. Isn't that what this is all about? Be more concerned with being you, whoever that is, than whether or not it's too late for this or that. The world is an easier place for young and older TS's than it's ever been, and that makes me very happy. It's great to have now. No matter your age or anything else about you.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Diane24]

to transition! I began my official transition shortly after my 24th birthday (That's why the "24" in my screen name). As you've seen in this thread already, many have transitioned later, and much later! The only thing worse would be not to transition at all. Go for it! Be the woman you have to be! We're all behind you all the way!
Don't worry about passing. . . have you noticed a lot of the women at the supermarket? Most of them don't look like they pass very well as women, so don't worry yourself about passing!
Love,
Diane

[Sheila]

Don't worry about passing. . . have you noticed a lot of the women at the supermarket? Most of them don't look like they pass very well as women, so don't worry yourself about passing!
Love,
Diane

tgirlinva, Diane could be talking about me there ........... lord hun as a GG I should not be going out he door if passability depended on looking drop dead gorgeous ................ I am 5foot 3 inches , many stones overwight, grey haired, and so much wrong with me even the vet wouldn't go near me :sad:

You are 27 .. go find out where, and who, you want to be, and do it, it's never to late to begin to live your life, but you can in later years live to regret the things you did not do sooner ..... best of luck to you hun :hugs:

[MJ]

i was 45 when i started I'm 48 now for a few weeks anyhow. passing is so over rated and .. oh you better hold off on injecting yourself with a high dose of estrogen you can't transition if your dead sis :hugs:

[Karen564]

OMG, Your 27!!! You better hurry then, because they don't allow you to transition past 30...it's in the rules

Well, of course that's totally untrue, I'm doing it now, and I'm 48. eek..

Just Do It now, and don't turn back, I would kill to be 27 again, that was the age I got married, then divorced 20 years later, and if I was wasn't such a fool thinking it would help me be a man, I would of transitioned long, long ago..

[Byanca]

I am 31 now. I remember thinking when I was 15, how it was going to be when I was 30, no I am. And it is worse then ever. The think that held me back all these years was the fantasy of making kids. But the few girlfrinds I have had said that they where scared, and I was more girly then they where. And now I dont have much interest in sex anymore either. Maybe I should do something to. This thread kind of gave me some hope. But I have horrible difficulties to actually getting things done.

[JulietLewis]

My God(dess), you're just a pup! I wish I had your determination when I was your age...

[Genifer Teal]

There is no time like the present. When possible, younger is better, but most times it is just not practical. Our minds need to be ready to transition as well as our bodies. We are only ready to transition when every part of us is ready. Be thankful you have reached this stage of awareness as soon as you did.

Just about everyone wishes they had done more of something sooner in life. All you can do is move foreword and pick up the pace. Use this as a turning point in your life. Make the necessary changes in your behavior to prevent future regrets. Live and enjoy life to the fullest every day. Avoid having a similar revelation in your future.

Transitioning is possible at any age. 27 is far from too late. Have realistic expectations you can live with and you'll be fine.

Hugs - Gen

[Sara Violet]

I started my transition when I was 26, I'll be 30 in 2 months. It's been the best four years of my life. Sure I wish I was younger (who doesn't, TS or not). In the eyes of the world we are still young.

Besides could you really imagine doing this at 16? I was chased home and beat up because I acted girlie. I would have never had the strength to survive if I transitioned back then. Now I think is the best time, as everyone our age is more mature, and understanding.

[pickles]

Yeah 27 is pretty young...I was thinking this was going to be a 60 year old or something. Relax.

[Raquel June]

It usually takes TS people a long time to get their lives sorted out. I'm 33, and started transitioning less than a year ago. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting too old to hang out in clubs on the weekend. But when I'm around my TS friends, I'm the young one. The youngest local TS friends of mine are 34 and 41. A lot of them seem to have kids and wait for them to get out of the house, so they're transitioning in their late 50s.

[Elise.Matei]

Passability, to me, is like the one thing that will help me transition successfully and without that, I can't go through with it. I don't want to be stuck between two worlds.

Ahhh the voice of Wisdom. How refreshing...

are stuck between two worlds u just dont want to advertise the fact - i get that - iow better to be a closeted transgendered christian bale than an outed heath ledger vis a vis dark knight]

[Zenith]

...Unless you have a time machine...:straightface:

Whether you transition at 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, etc...you work with what you have...if you have come to grips with this and feel in your heart that it will allow you some peace/happiness...that's good...

If you are truly female...when you start hrt you will feel better...It is helping me...:hugs:

...some people never fess up or are able to pinpoint what it is that is causing internal discord...:sad:

[Elise.Matei]

Hi Zenith. If I may play off your signature in a way that is pertinent to this thread... (thank you)

"...some people never fess up or are able to pinpoint what it is that is causing internal discord..." ~ Zenith

It's all a question of degree. Where you are in the mix. What % of your mind/brain is female vs male. What your F/M ratio is. If you are close to a "1" you are really truly female. If you are a "0.5" you are, imo, a very special person indeed - the 21st century ideal. If you are a "0.1" or less you are a normal man.

[Sally24]

maybe i'm thinking the wrong way, but to me, passing is my measure for a successful transition.
... but if i can't pass... i don't know how i could deal with that.
I think the more important question is "Can you look good/attractive?" I'm not talking beauty queen here. More, can you look feminine and put forth an attractive, friendly, natural look. Many transexuals can't "pass" because of physical limitations, ie height, width, facial characteristics but still are accepted as themselves because of the aura that surrounds them. If you feel comfortable with yourself, it shows to others around you.

To many of us it would be a dream to be TG in this time period and be in our 20's.

We all have to learn to appreciate what we have, not what is now out of reach.

[Trudyann]

I'm 77. I am to old to change my sex, but saw my doctor this week and she said she would gladly help me with prescribing me hormons. so I can become as female as possible. I too wish I'd known a lot more when younger. But for now, if I don't go on hormon therapy, I know I will deeply regret it later. For the most part I've regretted the things I didn't do, rather the ones I did. I see
my therapist in a few weeks.
Wish you well, Trudyann

[gerdani8]

I turned 62 October 2008. I started my transition in August 1996, just two months before my 50th birthday. Do I pass all the time? No. Do I care? No. It's attitude, attitude, attitude. I know I am never going to be a size 4, or look like a movie star. So what? I do the best I can, with what I have, 'cause that's all I can do.

[Raquel June]

Some people say life is short. I don't agree. Life is painfully long. How do you want to spend those years?

In the end, everybody seems to wish they had transitioned sooner. Sure, you can deny your feelings, but sooner or later you'll figure it out, and you'll say to yourself, "Wow, I wasn't even 30 the first time I went around in circles about this. Now I'm 60 and I still want to transition, and I probably will anyway, and I should've taken it more seriously when I was 27."

Think to the future and look inside yourself to see what matters and what decisions will make you truly happy. Nobody here is transitioning just for the hell of it.

[Frances]

Some people say life is short. I don't agree. Life is painfully long. How do you want to spend those years?


I totally agree with that. the 40 years before starting to transition were a long torturous living hell. I spent a lot of time wishing it were over. Now, at 42, and somewhat advanced in my transition, I look back at the girlish boy that I was at 22, and wish I had done something back then, before my body was seriously ravaged by testosteone. I have friends transitionning in their mid-fifties (with kids and not), and they don't feel it is too late, so how can I complain? I have a few regrets, but what can I do, there is no do-over. Better late than never.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Nobody here is transitioning just for the hell of it.

That is a brilliant point..

I will admit that earlier in my life, my weight was up, i'm tall, etc...so I thought what's the point...was working my butt off too...now i feel like that was ten to twenty years i gave up. But I can't change the past....i don't know quite how i will feel living as a woman yet, and I'm sure that I will encounter at least my fair share of challenges.....

but i do know exactly how terrible i'll feel if I don't.

[GypsyKaren]

Having the looks don't mean shit if you don't have the guts to step out the door, and you also have to stay out there when things get rough instead of running back home to hide under the covers. This comes from inside you, it's the confidence you have in yourself, and anyone who thinks a peachy smile will bring out the butterflies doesn't know what they're talking about.

You think passing is the key? How would you know what you need until you do it? You can read every book, you can lay it all out, you can think you have every base covered, and then you can toss all of it in the trash after you start because life doesn't care about plans or what you want or expect. You have to make it work, you have to start over every day because yesterday doesn't count once it's gone, and only you can do it, not your image in the mirror.

Karen :g4:

[Raquel June]

You have to make it work, you have to start over every day because yesterday doesn't count once it's gone, and only you can do it, not your image in the mirror.

Now since I read this, I've had this stuck in my brain for the past 20 minutes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zpTQCQEFhg#t=1m45s

If ya wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make the change.
You gotta get it right while ya got the time
Cause when you close your heart then you close your mind.


Not that it's particularly profound... It just sticks in your head.

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Ack!

[Byanca]

Having the looks don't mean shit if you don't have the guts to step out the door, and you also have to stay out there when things get rough instead of running back home to hide under the covers.
If worst comes to worst, you just havent managed to improve things.
Does not most of us now stay covered under the bed. I know I don't go out unless I can appear mostly as female. You will at least have a better time under the cower.

[Nicole Erin]

If you are still alive it is not too late...

OK here is the thing -

One - with anything we do in life, people always seem to say "you are too old" or "it is best to start when you are a kid".
It is true that the younger you start something the better off you will be but we can't go back...
But why do people say one is too old to...? That is just others wanting to burden someone else with their OWN insecurities.

NOW, here is why some TS think they are too old -
You see or hear about these perfectly passable post-ops who transitioned when they were like 18 - 21. Well that is a rare case.

You have probably read that the earlier you start, the better the results will be. Physically, perhaps but a huge benefit of starting later is one has more life experience and probably more money to do this.

Now look, we have a member here, I think her name is Empress Elaine, who has told us she transitioned in her late 60's. Maybe early 70's.
It is never too late.

So what to do now?
For the HRT, doing it over the web you know is at your own risk, and those risks are nothing to sneeze at.
Start working on training your voice, start learning about female mannerisms a bit, start learning to dress and present the part, when you feel you are presentable in your prrearance, start going out en femme to build your confidence. Yes there will be blows to your ego but that is part of the process. Start figuring out a hairstyle, clothing style, maybe lose a few pounds if you need to, start doing seriousl research about all this...

Just one thing - if you are single and have no kids, keep it that way. Getting married or having kids could possibly hinder your process.

Anything you do to work towards transition counts. Transition is not just about being cut up by a doctor.
Many of the aspects of transition, money can't really buy, or you don't NEED to spend money for it.
Why not start transitioning today?

[Cindy Lynn]

27 is far from "too late". If you are sure you want to be a woman, today is the best day to start. Not everyone gets a "Tomorrow".

I have to tell you, if you are trans, life is so much nicer as a woman no matter what age you are.

Don't waste your life. I think that starting at 27 you are going to find that you become a beautiful woman before you are 30.

Cindy

[akaCathy]

I'm 59 years old and just getting started. It's my time now and I'm going for it. This is your time. You're never too old. I'm looking forward to the next big chapter in my life.

Hugs,

Cathy

[Anna the Dub]

27 too old? Not at all, I am 47 (this week, sob!) and haven't transitioned yet. I am close to it, but still have a few hurdles to clear. I wish I had done this at 20, but I didn't, and that's the past now. So I have to make the best of what I have. At 27, you have most of your life still left to live.