CDing and the feminization process

[Sherry-Stephanie]

We all have a starting point coming into Cding and for a variety or reasons as well...

Yes we obtain woman's clothing from bras and panties, to dresses, skirts, tops and slacks and lets not forget THE shoes...oh the shoes..to die for....at least for me...the breast forms have finally arrived also...

My closet is growing every week....the shoe collection is over 20 now and my panty draw rivals my male underwear as well. I have a "stash" of open pantyhose backed up by an equal amount of unopen hose in various styles shades and brands...and let us not foget the wigs...8 in all from short to long and blonde to dark auburn....the makeup drawers are now at 5 and all are full...and then the cases that are under the vanity as well....so collectively I am well along in having a very functional female wardrobe....

But what is even more interesting is the internal transformation....the coming out let's say of our (mine) female persona....I'm wearing toenail polish 24/7, toe rings and recently began wearing an ankle bracelet as well...just had my ears pierced and shave my body two t three times aweek...I fret over plucking my brows and if I break a toenal I've got to fix it right away...trim it, paint it and make sure it looks "right" again. I sit and decide when I'm going to work on my nails and take three or four bottles of polish and sit and decide what color this time....must have the right look although in reality there isn't any "right" look...just what is in a girl's mind as far as being "right"....

I watch commercial for makeup and think hmmm maybe I'll try that...Iwatch TV with the wife and comment on this dress or that dressin a JC Penny ad. I am more aware of people...99% females on TV and how their make up looks how they're eyebrows are timmed....what I like and what I don't like...I stop and realize that there is a very definate female that is not only existing inside me but is present at various times....various moments thoughout the day. I use to be excited to get home and change into a pair of heels and my female jeans...now I do so as just a normal part of me...I am just as happy to be sitting around wearing my female jeans and heels as I am being fully dress with make up and all..I don't feel any more female being totally dresses as I do being partially dressed....

I am a still male but I am also female....I still think like a male but I also think like a female. I find that when I'm out shopping I look at the woman's shoes in a store window as eaqually as I check out the male shoes....these are all things that I would not have done a year ago before the idea of dressing came to me....I'm as interested in being in the female section of a store as I am in the male section....when my wife shops and is looking for her clothes I also am picking thoguht the womans' racks looking for soemthing for me..and i do some with as much easy and comfort as I do in the men's section. If a SA asks if she can help me I tell her oh I'm looking for this or that to go with a top or bottom or whatever and thank her for her assistance but I'm OK. Sometimes though I'll ask her to show me something in particular and tell her what size I need...I don't tell her it's for me nor do I make up a story that it's for my wife...if she asks I'll I'll make some reference where she can make her own decision...I'm looking for a top to go with a black skirt...thne describe what I might be looking for if I have something in mind and if I'm looking for ideas I'll say what do you think might work???? and go from there...I'm simply shopping and beyond that is it really neccessary to expand on the "why's??? If it comes out as far as who it's for then it's simply "for me"....sometimes the wife is with me and it will be the three of us in discussions...it's obvous that my wife isn't even close to a size 14 dress or a size 11 shoe..."DUH"...we're not stupid and the SA's surely aren't stupid...if I'm shopping for a top or a skirt and a pair of shoes and wife wife is right there with me then it msut be OK on our end so why wouldn't it be OK on the SA's end....makes things so much simplier...

I am as councious about my female side as I am my male side....I need to pluck my eyebrows as much as I need to shave...I want my skirts and tops to match as much as I want my suits, shirts and ties to match...

I have not only come out of the closet and ventured out into the real world as Stephanie which I never would have thouught would have when I started to first dress...but I have also come out internally and let my female side or characterists or traits also come out...and in doing so I have become a very different yet more complete person over the last year...and simply this has caused me to fell more complete as a person and I am loving this feeling....

So for all of you who have been doing this a lot longer you all know what I mean...and for those of you who are new to this and have recently come to the forum to discover what tthe joureny involves in CDing just like I did a year ago....welcome, sit back....buckle up and enjoy the ride your about to embark on for it will be like nothing that you have ever experienced before...it will become all consuming and intergrate itself into your daily life and change the person you are now into something totally new and different...but Uniquely as each and everyone of us is Uniquely an individual here...and once you've stepped into this world of femmenization, there is really no going back....

It's quite the trip I must say....


Hugs...

Stephanie...

[Kate Simmons]

I understand what you are saying Hon--been there, done that. Despite all of the "props" and equipment though, you are not bringing anything out that isn't already in there. Have fun.:hugs:

[donnaking]

So for all of you who have been doing this a lot longer you all know what I mean...and for those of you who are new to this and have recently come to the forum to discover what tthe joureny involves in CDing just like I did a year ago....welcome, sit back....buckle up and enjoy the ride your about to embark on for it will be like nothing that you have ever experienced before...it will become all consuming and intergrate itself into your daily life and change the person you are now into something totally new and different...but Uniquely as each and everyone of us is Uniquely an individual here...and once you've stepped into this world of femmenization, there is really no going back....

sounds like you're in somewhat of a pink fog. It will eventually level off.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I think the fog has come and gone and now I'm into the reality of what it is....possessing both a male and female side of self which is now intergrated into daily life and living this life as two persons....a bringing of harmony of both the body and soul of one's self to realize that they is within each of us a male side and a female side and to toss away the stereotypical structures that are given or placed on us at our births by our parents/families/society ....why can't we wearing earrings jsut a female do and not be judged or cast into the "sissy" catagory....????? We can if we select to ignore those who are ignorante and unable to accept...not saying everyone should accept, but we do ourselves a great dis-service if we let others make our decisons on what is a personal nature to each of us jsut because we're affraid of what someone might "think"........

[Holly]

Sherry, it sounds to me that you are coming to terms with knowing who you are and accepting your total self... congratulations. The sooner that people understand that we do not have to settle for stereotypical gender assignment and that we are free to be what our inner souls know to be our true selves the better off the world will be. As individuals, we are certainly more at peace with ourselves when there is internal harmony. Good for you!!

[beenherelongtime]

very well put.

[Persephone]

Each one of us seems to have our own masculine-feminine balance and it sounds like you have found yours.

The real factor is the relief that the orgasm of freedom provides, the wonderful sense of self that comes from not trying to hide a major part of who you are.

I'm probably quite close to where you are right now, pretty much free to be me and loving it.

As to your closets full of clothes and your drawers full of makeup, you may be celebrating your new-found freedom. Women often go through a similar phenomenon in their teenage years as they come to realize both the power and variety of female fashion and develop their own sense of style.

As crossdressers we were typically denied that period of girlish growth so our enjoyment of those discoveries typically comes a little bit later. It is a natural part of growth as a woman, enjoy it!

[Sheila]

I think the fog has come and gone and now I'm into the reality of what it is....possessing both a male and female side of self which is now intergrated into daily life and living this life as two persons....a bringing of harmony of both the body and soul of one's self to realize that they is within each of us a male side and a female side and to toss away the stereotypical structures that are given or placed on us at our births by our parents/families/society.......

Good for you hun :)

[MissConstrued]

I am a still male but I am also female....I still think like a male but I also think like a female.


Could that be over-thinking the whole thing a bit? Is it possible that you're just obsessing over a new hobby, like anyone can do with a new hobby? Does this happen to, say, someone newly into radio-controlled airplanes?

This sort of constantly reaching for the next level is a very male trait. :)

[donnaking]

why can't we wear earrings just as female does and not be judged or cast into the "sissy" category????? .
Unfortunately, that's not how our society works.
Society wants to see a clear dividing line between genders. Those who blur the line are frowned upon.
I think you've already got a taste of that concerning your newly pierced ears. right? Yeah, sure, if you have thick enough skin, you can ignore those who chastise you. But how many cd's can ignore the snide remarks all the time? It would have to get very old.
The question is: will society change it's attitude anytime soon? I think we can honestly answer that with...not likely in our lifetime.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I'm really puzzled about this "female persona" thing.

What I mean by the female person is this....

First of all we accpet dressing as a female...we don't regret it or pull away from it rather we wmbrace it...and for myself as well as other once we get dressed in a certain way we "feel" female....not saying that we can truly feel exactly what a feemale feels liek jsut exactly like we can't feel what any other person feels..yes we might be able to assimilate what a female feels just as we might be able to feel what another person feels....but if we're walking around in a LBD with heels, breastforms and ablonde or other color wig and we look in a mirror we see a female and we also feel like a female...I know I sure feel "different in this outfit and definately don't feel like a guy or masculine...thus I am feeling a "persona"...abet it's not a total change morphing into what we're trying to asimilate, but we're feeling close to the female that if we were jsut sitting around in jeans a t-shirt sluggin down a Bud I suppose....beyond this explanation I really can describe the female persona in any greater clarity....



Could that be over-thinking the whole thing a bit?

Anything is possible I suppose....but what I'm trying to do here is to simply express my feelings for what CDing means to me and what I am experiencing with it....for others it may be very different...but that's for other to explain and not for me...I suppose my feelings will be very different from soem one who might be going through the T/G process....Am I going into greater detail??? Probably but only because this isn't a simple "I feel good today statement"...


Unfortunately, that's not how our society works.
Society wants to see a clear dividing line between genders. Those who blur the lines are frowned upon.

I agree but it's not limited to jsut gender...society will alow blurring if only that it serves a purpose....the female gender has been allowed to blur into a certain masculization over the past 40 or so years...women can easily wear mens clothing and there are a vast amount of money that is generated each year in the clothing industry though this process...look at jeans??? look at shoes...and the lsit goes on because these changes in to the direction of women wearing masculine type clothing is considered fashionable....

All of the above points are valid upon it's own merit....what I am trying to say here is simply this...for me and me alone this is the process that I have evolved and experienced within the past year...it has brough out of me a side of me that has been put into the dark recess's of my own self...now I have brought out into the light my female side...my side that feels comfortable being out there and at times when I am dressed I take on those appearences and in some cases traits of the female gender....either by action thoughts or emotions....and yes I never will as try as I might be a real female just as a real female will never be a male nor witll any of us be someone else....nor do we try and do it as a "masking', but rather as an acknowledgment, acceptance and a validation that with myself is a part that is female....and thus I do my female side without any feelings that are often a sing of conflict regret embarressment or other emotional issues that many go through while delving the world of CDing....

So if I'm getting to "deep" here I apologize, but gettinginto this who world of Cding isn't a simple process or topic for about 99% of us...now is it girls????

For me it's been a process that I stepped into and have thoughly enjoyed each step of this journey and will continue to do so which each additional step until events dictate otherwise....and for me that's part of how I try and live life to the fullest.....

So can't say much more than that....

Steph...

[charlie]

I'm really puzzled about this "female persona" thing.

OK, on one level I understand it very well. Persona is Latin for mask, so obviously I have a mask that I put on, consisting of wig, makeup, clothes and all that jazz.

And I suppose that behaving like a woman is also part of the mask, the rôle I play. So no problem there, I'm an amateur actor and can browse nonchalantly through the underwear department with the best of them.

But when it comes to talking about "my feminine side" I get lost. What does this mean? Is it behaviour or appearance? I don't think so, I don't think that's what people mean by it. Is it emotions? But how do I know what another man's emotions are, let alone a woman's. How can any man say "I feel like a woman"? How on earth would he know?

So we come down to measurable stuff like compassion versus agression, or analytical thought versus emotional reaction. And what troubles me there is that I don't see why compassion and emotion should be thought of as essentially feminine, except that they're statistically more common in women.

It that all it comes down to?

Because when I'm dressed, I'm still me. It's not some other person out there.

Hello Katie!
It is all true for me as well. I'm not two people based just upon what I'm wearing. However, since I have been CDing, I have also become more feminine in my walk, talk, sitting and interests. I often have to think I must act more manly like I was last year. I don't want to talk about cosmetics and dresses with my male friends even though I think the topic fits in with what we are talking about...etc. The new me as a whole is getting more feminine.

[Ruth]

Stephanie, I loved your post! It so much reflects how I am feeling these days. It's very pleasant and fulfilling to be able to experience and feel all those feminine activities like personal grooming, attention to the details of one's appearance, and wearing beautiful clothes.
And I find that if I immerse myself in these activities, I also, consciously or subconsciously, find I have more feminine attitudes and values: I would say I am kinder and more empathic than I used to be. I am also more open to my emotions (so I love unashamedly a weepy romantic film, for instance).
I don't think we are over-thinking the situation when we talk like this - and I don't like to regard it as over-obsessing over a new hobby. It's quite a basic and important change in our general attitude and world-picture.
And we should try to take all the positives from it that we can - there are enough people outside our community who would bring us down if they could.

[deja true]

...but I have also come out internally and let my female side or characterists or traits also come out...and in doing so I have become a very different yet more complete person over the last year...and simply this has caused me to fell more complete as a person and I am loving this feeling....

This is me, too, darlin'...

And it's the very best thing that's happened in my life in a long, long time. Thanks for reminding me!

:)....:<3:....:)

[Dalece]

Sherry, it sounds to me that you are coming to terms with knowing who you are and accepting your total self... congratulations. The sooner that people understand that we do not have to settle for stereotypical gender assignment and that we are free to be what our inner souls know to be our true selves the better off the world will be. As individuals, we are certainly more at peace with ourselves when there is internal harmony. Good for you!!

I agree with Holly. I have no desire to go back. I want to push forward. My friends noticed a big difference in me. I'm better happier and all as being the girl inside me letting my true self out. And i am at peace with myself. :D Just love being a girl.

[Jenniferpl]

It is all about the journey.