Job search

[Kristopher]

So I am a post op post hormone t guy. I went to a second interview today and I was told that I was a great candidate and it is looking promising. The problem is they think I am a girl and I will be selling insurance, so talking to the public alot. Has anyone been in this situation where they really are excited about a job but scared to death about may happen because you live in two worlds and are afraid of having to hide this from my coworkers and/or dress more fem? I just am afraid of all that can happen, etc.

[Ze]

Hi Kris. :wave: Just so I'm up to speed here, the problem is that you're a transman, but the company only recognizes you as a woman? So you feel you're more or less expected to dress more "femininely," right?

If you're post-op, isn't there a way to change your sex/gender status to male legally? (I figure this is what you want since you've already undergone hormones and surgery.) I know it's probably "too late" now with this job in particular, but I just wanted to bring that up. In the future with jobs, maybe it'll help this sort of confusion from repeating itself.

Have they said anything yet to you about specific dress code? If you're selling insurance, maybe you could still get away with a not-as-masculine suit? If this is the case, hopefully there are suits that appear a bit more ambiguous so you can keep your masculinity, but allow the public to figure you're "female" if it's absolutely necessary.

I'm very familiar with the whole "two worlds" thing, though my masculine world is unfortunately closeted for the most part. I love my job dearly (pharmacy technician), but really do wish some days that I could dress in what I consider drag. Like I think you're saying, it's the anxiety of losing my job/having bad things happen that keeps me from actually pursuing what I want. Unfortunately, I don't really have any words of wisdom to share, but I think I know where you're more or less coming from.

Good luck with the job! Let us know what happens with it!

[carolinoakland]

Yep, my biggest worry was the people would be reluctant to interact with me. but my skills with people have actually gotten better since I started to transition. I had my first job interview since becoming a woman, and i got the job. I still work at my union, and the benefit of the new place is that no one know's the former me, so no more opps'. I look forward to that.... ! Carol

[ZenFrost]

When I was applying for my volunteer position I was in a similar situation, nervous about how my trans status would be affected by needing to use my legal (female) name. In my phone interview (before my face to face interview) I did say I was transgendered, and elaborated on that in the face to face interview. In my case things turned out cool, she even had a name badge with my male name on it and delighted in explaining to me how the library had recently gotten $3000 from the state to expand one of their collections and they chose to expand their transgender resource collection--basically spending thousands of dollars just on TG books--and the staff all went through TG training.

In your position, if you're afraid of coming out right away you could do it gradually: start presenting as a masculine woman, then bit by bit add more male things to your appearance and presentation until you start going by 'he' there and hope no one notices the slow change.

[Ze]

Awesome, Zen! I'm glad it worked out for you.

[Kristopher]

I ment to say that I am pre t and pre surgery. But yeah I think eventually it will come out and I have never dressed like a girl for either interview and they know I am lesbian so...it should not be a problem I just have this fear that clients won't want my help or I won't make money. Its funny but the only reason I will most likely suceed in this field is because I will work like crazy to get money for surgery. Glad things went well with you zen and hopefully I can deal with things one day at a time. I will be meeting the people in that office soon and one knows my parents (who do not know) so i figure if we hit things off I may tell them or just keep quiet til I officially start T and all.

[Ze]

Oooohhh, okay. Now I understand a bit more. :)

Well, all I can add is if the company seems more or less fine with it (or, at least, fine with you "being a lesbian"), then I would hope they'd have your back a bit more if a customer had a problem with you. Not that a customer would have a problem, of course, but I find it comforting that a basic reinforcement in there for you if need be. Good luck!