Wanting to Transition but All Alone

[Beth-Lock]

I want to transition, but have not been able to find any support. There is supposed to be lots of it around where I live, but actually plugging into it seems very difficult. As a result, I am all alone with it.
Everyone seems supportive, yet when it comes down to it, they dodge you or wish you all the best, when giving you the kiss off. It is all too much for little me to cope with.
Anyway, just this week I made my first trip to the bank wearing a skirt. There was no real problem. I guess I had prepared the way by getting to know the people there and telling them about me. They won't give me a second credit card in my femme name though.
Shopping does not seem to be much of a problem. These days I have had a run of times of being able to pass, or at least be tolerated.
Have not had a chance to tell my family. When I called to talk it over, my closest relative hung up on me as soon as they knew it was me calling, not knowing what I might be calling about. Let us say, my family is problematic at the best of times, and sometimes wages psychological warfare against my intentions.
Has anyone else attempted transitioning all alone?

[Kimberley]

You WILL need a support system for your transition whether it is a family member (my daughter is my lifeline) or through a support group where you will meet friends both in transition and already transitioned.

You can also try to meet GG's who are tolerant and there are lots of them. I ran a personal on a website and had about 2 dozen replies within a week. One of them has become a pretty good friend in whom I can confide as well.

Your pdoc is also another point of support.

You have to be the one to make the first move or it wont happen.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[LaurenS.]

Beth,
I am not alone but at times I feel like it. I'll be starting hormones in two weeks and the only one that knows is my wife and my therapist.What you need to find is a good therapist. He/she will be of great help and support for you. You need them for letters etc. but they do so much more.
Becoming active in the trans community can be invaluable also.
I have gotten so much help here and have made and am making good freindships and am able to share valuable information.
I would start with finding a good therapist if you haven't already.
All the best...Lauren:)

[Sejd]

I read your post carefully, and what stuck me was the fact that you seem to have a lot of support groups around you, or at least someone else who is TS.
Maybe you need to do yet another attempt to hook up with them and try to become one with the "In-crowd". Anything important in our lives always seem to be something we need to do on our own. When we go out as TS, we have to learn and face all the problems which comes with it. I have personally had the experience that most other people are too occupied with their own lives to pay any attention to a Trannie. Most of the time I am addressed as Ma'am, and the other times, when out shopping, I am always met with smiles and positive attitude. You know, what we put out is mostly what we get back. On days when I don't feel that great, I know to stay home, or to just deal with my own insecurity.
Good luck.
Sejd

[Nicki B]

I want to transition, but have not been able to find any support.

What is it you are actually hoping for? :idontknow:

[Beth-Lock]

Thanks all for the responses, especially the private messages.

I guess I do need some sort of assistance, but there are many road blocks. I contacted a counselor I have dealt with before, but he cannot help me with a thing like transition, though he promised to do some research on how to make some contacts, and get back to me. I have heard nothing though.

As far as I am concerned, I made up my mind and have started living as a woman, as best I can, already. I consider it a trial life test.

[Byanca]

Hi, I am much the same way. Although my family only knows about it, since ever. But it's never talked about. They have always looked at me like a girld. The problem seems to mostly be the suroundings, since it is in the country.

But in the city where I live I have the last two years live more or less as a woman. I go to shopping dressed and so on. But dont have any social network at all. My life is really a mess. So I need to do something. The male part of me is not used at all anymore, so I think getting professional help is something I should do.

[gagirl1]

you could possibly contact a local chapter of pflag. it's generally not a great source of info for transwomen as it's typically geared towards gay and lesbian men and women, but it wouldn't surprise me if someone there knew what direction to point you in for support. people have transitioned alone (i myself have tried it), but it's much much much harder. it really helps just to have someone there, in any capacity, to support you. without knowing where you are at, i can't help much with details. if you feel comfortable enough, pm me and i'll do my best and might be able to find something for you. hate to see someone doing it alone. there is plenty of support out there. the hardest part is finding it.

[Sara Jessica]

I'm sorry if this seems harsh but you really seem to be putting the cart before the horse. Walking into a bank in a skirt and demanding a femme credit card is not near the top of transition checklist, nor does it matter if you run around town here and there to do some shopping. But you are on the right track when you lament about being alone. A support system is a definate plus along with interaction with a qualified therapist. Meeting those who have been there and done that should offer sound advice when it comes to disclosure to family and friends. Approach it with plenty of forethought and you might have some of them around post-transition. Otherwise, the word alone might take on a whole new meaning.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i have 2 friends, that did what you mentioned...one of them is one of the lucky ones....incredibly natural and passable...works as guy with slicked back hair, and is herself at all other times....did it on her own and only after a year did she see a doctor and started hrt and is now in line for orchi....
HOWEVER....everyone in her "old" life has basically dumped her including her son...she's not in any therapy groups where she can talk to others experiencing her issues, and her son hasnt talked to her in 18 months..

my other friend quit her job said my new name is.....and away she went...right now she pushing carts at shoprite, and wondering how she is going to feed herself, and pay her mortgage, let alone getting her life together to pay for hormones and any other procedure she may want....not good.

So pls be careful and thoughtful in doing what you have to do
...why can't you get into any support groups in your area?

good luck to you!!!
michele

[Melissa A.]

Hi Beth,

Where do you live? Some places are obviously better than others. I would say if there is "alot" of support in your area, then there must be, simply because of the demand, a gender therapist or two around. As far as trans groups go, it's hard to judge on one visit to a party or meeting, or a few online conversations. Sometimes gaining trust within a TS or TG group just takes a little bit of time. I have found the same thing, at times. I have the added predicament of a totally unpredictable work schedule, but just by letting people know I'm not just a flash-in-the-pan, and plan to be around, I've made a couple of close friends.

You need to exhaust all possibilities(without being pushy, of course!) and be patient. something will happen. You'll meet nice people out there. It's also very important, if you know you're TS and want to transition, to find a good Gender Therapist. Not just for emotional support, which is important, but for virtually everything else. None of it is possible without one.

I'm a room monitor in a very friendly, very diverse TG chatroom. It's mostly for fun and conversation, but I know dozens of people, including myself, who have forged very close, lifelong friendships with people there. You're welcome anytime, if you just want people to talk to in Real time. http://www.tgguide.com/ Just hit the chat link


http://tssociallounge.com/chatroom is another chat, that is very friendly, but is for Transexuals only. But it's fairly new, and often not very busy. I hope you have great success with your efforts!

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[Beth-Lock]

Well, now I have made contact with a local support group. Nonetheless, it appears that I am on my own as far as finding and paying for a counselor. This is unfortunate since I am extremely short of funds these days, so that seems out of the question for the foreseeable future. Getting any formal recognition of my status via a doctor also still is problematic.
It remains for me to connect with the support group. I shall just have to get over my 'cold feet' stage.
I am starting to run into problems now, going out, especially to church. People can be so hurtful, and in such a careless manner. I thought I could tough it out, but I guess I am getting an emotional reaction from it now.
Also in talking to the priest, she warned me to be careful in my ordinary life. I guess I am still thinking too much like a man and not taking enough care for my safety. A male friend
also warned me about being careful how I handle my purse, so as not to get it grabbed. I guess I lack a number of the instincts about such things that GG's acquire over their life. Even my mom, when she was a little girl, had a guy try and snatch her purse, when she was visiting New York City, with friends of the family.

[gagirl1]

you kinda dove right into the shark pit, there, Beth. sounds like you're learning the complications of transition, which is a good thing, albeit a hard lesson to learn. i have a question for you, what is your ultimate goal as far as transition is concerned? gender is becoming more fluid in society. do you want to be accepted among your peers? are said peers willing to accept you for who you are? how can you reduce your problems throughout your transition?

[Beth-Lock]

you kinda dove right into the shark pit, there, Beth. sounds like you're learning the complications of transition, which is a good thing, albeit a hard lesson to learn. i have a question for you, what is your ultimate goal as far as transition is concerned?

Dear Georgia Girl 1, That is quite a question and has a number of angles to it. One angle or interpretation is, "What is your intended actual, physical world outcome?"
The answer to that is to live as a woman does, without yet crossing the bridge of what bodily changes might be necessary. That means to dress as a woman, have woman friends, and be accepted as a woman, even if a special kind of woman, (with big hands, for example, unlike most GG's).

You rightly point out, "gender is becoming more fluid in society," meaning a number of things, including we all wear pants most of the time now, GG's, TG's and Guys.

Then the issue: "How can you reduce your problems throughout your transition?" Darned if I know, at least definitively or with absolute completeness, though I am trying very hard to figure that one out right now.

Then there is the question of being accepted. People have been more accepting so far than I anticipated. There have been setbacks, but at least one, I seem to have overcome. I am planning to get back with a group of friends I used to meet in the mornings, but thought for a while, I could not hang around with any more. The obstacles are falling down, even there, and one even asked, solicitously, why I was not around recently. There is a problem with married men, who for reasons of morality or social appearance, cannot hang around with a woman as much as they might with a man. That is their perception anyway. So, I guess I will be looking to hang around more with women friends and TGirl friends, and expect friendships with any married men to fade.

[gagirl1]

wow, you are far more sure of yourself than i am! i have a lot of respect for you. going full time so early in transition is not something i could do. i wish you luck. and yeah, friendships and relationships will change greatly as well. but, the friends you do keep, or the new ones you make, will be true friends. there won't be any ambiguity there, which is amazing.

[Beth-Lock]

wow ... i have a lot of respect for you. going full time so early in transition ...friendships and relationships .....

I think the key is that I have told a lot of people about my cross-dressing when I was in that phase, (up until recently), and I have about 5 years experience cross-dressing, from time to time, in public. That means I was getting used to it. And, for a lot of people, it was not much of a surprise since I had told them, and even if they reacted badly at first, they got used to it anyway, eventually.
Another thing is that I live in an apartment building, so people are always coming and going, and a lot of the people who knew me only as a guy have checked out, (some headed for the Pearly Gates, regrettably), including a number who might have made it more difficult for me. So, it has been a gradual process.
Someone said, what about the problem of going grocery shopping or to the bank. Well, I had gone grocery shopping dressed up before, numerous times. Recently I told people at the bank about my cross-dressing, and now enough of them know about it that they do not get sticky over it, knowing me personally, so it is not an identity problem. So the two problems that another T-girl mentioned as being difficult, were already well on the way to being handled, before.
However, some major problems remain to be surmounted. I must not kid myself.