How to be in dress for without getting excited?

[tinachristina]

HI,
I dont know if this is a problem. My dressing up has till now been for sexual excitement only. The moment I start dressing up I also start getting excited and by the time or some time from that moment , I am done completing my sexual excitement. After that only thing I want to do is get back into male mode.

The problem is that I want to stay longer in female attire but cannot because of this ....

Any suggestions...?

TIna:battingeyelashes:

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I think many cd's go through this stage. I was once there myself.

I'm not sure exactly how to force yourself out of this cycle, but I think a lot of it has to do with your own mindset on cding.

After you're done being excited, so to say, why do you want to return to male mode? Is it because you feel a sense of embarrassment? Do you feel as if your dressing is just weird or feels not right at that point? If so, why? It is the "why" that you really need to address. It might be because you've grown up being taught that cding is wrong or socially not acceptable or something along those lines. After the excitement is over, you might just feel stupid about it, for lack of a better way of putting it. That's kind of how I was for a period of time.

Try just staying dressed up afterword. Whether or not it feels right or weird or you feel a sense of shame, just stay dressed up for as long a period of time as you can tolerate. Try not to feel stupid about it. Just go about your day dressed for a while. Watch tv or read or do whatever you'd otherwise be doing.

I think if you can remain dressed longer after the whole excitement part and without feeling odd about it (or at least making a conscious effort not to feel odd), you may be able to break this cycle.

Even if you can't seem to do this or feel too weird about it, I'm sure this phase will pass on its own in time. Everyone evolves at a different pace. Many cd's may be ashamed or embarrassed to discuss this aspect of it, but it really is just a natural part of change and evolution in our lives.

Why be ashamed? I'm no more ashamed of where I've been in life, than the fact that I'm a cd. The shame aspect comes from society's stupid "gender rules" and what's socially acceptable. I live my life as I choose, not as society would choose for me.

[Adrianna_Sofia]

First thing's first girlfriend...:)So it seems that you dress basically to turn yourself on? I think that most CD's start CDing is because of some excitement they feel when dressed (myself included:o)...Now if you want to express yourself en femme not only for yourself but to others and venture out I suggest that you first overcome associating dressing up with arousal...I actually did this by dressing more often (either dressing in my room when everyone else is asleep or underdressing) and desensitizing myself...It doesn't mean that I don't get shivers (the good kind:)) when dressing, It's just that I can control it more and create a more flattering silhouette when i wiggle into that denim mini skirt...:battingeyelashes:

[tinachristina]

I think many cd's go through this stage. I was once there myself.

I'm not sure exactly how to force yourself out of this cycle, but I think a lot of it has to do with your own mindset on cding.

After you're done being excited, so to say, why do you want to return to male mode? Is it because you feel a sense of embarrassment? Do you feel as if your dressing is just weird or feels not right at that point? If so, why? It is the "why" that you really need to address. It might be because you've grown up being taught that cding is wrong or socially not acceptable or something along those lines. After the excitement is over, you might just feel stupid about it, for lack of a better way of putting it. That's kind of how I was for a period of time.

Try just staying dressed up afterword. Whether or not it feels right or weird or you feel a sense of shame, just stay dressed up for as long a period of time as you can tolerate. Try not to feel stupid about it. Just go about your day dressed for a while. Watch tv or read or do whatever you'd otherwise be doing.

I think if you can remain dressed longer after the whole excitement part and without feeling odd about it (or at least making a conscious effort not to feel odd), you may be able to break this cycle.

Even if you can't seem to do this or feel too weird about it, I'm sure this phase will pass on its own in time. Everyone evolves at a different pace. Many cd's may be ashamed or embarrassed to discuss this aspect of it, but it really is just a natural part of change and evolution in our lives.

Why be ashamed? I'm no more ashamed of where I've been in life, than the fact that I'm a cd. The shame aspect comes from society's stupid "gender rules" and what's socially acceptable. I live my life as I choose, not as society would choose for me.

THanks Gabrielle,

This is wonderful advice. I can now understand why I feel this way.

In Indian society , especially the place I come from, male is considered superior to females. Being a female means submissive and weak . It might be difficult for some one from big city or a developed country like US to understand but in many parts of world women are not given due place.

When I started dressing up , it was all in hiding . This went on till I told my mother. She was shocked to hear this and she was not happy about it . While I could not understand why she was intrigued about it , I concluded that she did not consider it right for a male to wear female clothes. I think that she would have considered me gay if I was not married to a woman and remained unmarried. So if women are feeling bad about it I had no right to feel right about it.

Another reason is that maybe I felt kinky when I did this in secret and arousal was a happy feeling in those confusing times. So this has continued.


A third reason is that I myself not been able to reconcile to fact that I am associated with the female gender , even though I love being dressed. Its probably my mind that says that 'what are you doing stupid, get out of it' ( may be its my male ego). And then I feel idiotic and guilty. And this is after 4 years of coming out to my wife. See, how strong subconcious things that have been put in childhood. Even after knowing it is difficult to fight them.

I like being soft and nice . Even in my male mode I find it great to be nice to people and people appreciate it.

Many times before my sleep , I have wondered why it could not be cured and I be a "normal person" but I also know this would not happen and I would not want to get out of this beautiful feeling.

Once I lost a good female friend of 5 years when I told her about it . She's from a small town and understandably she could not understand my reasons. She is not on talking terms with me from a long time . May be it hurts and what makes me shun this feeling ....

There can be many reasons but I like your suggestions and will suppress negative feelings about it. Thank God my wife is supportive and does not mind how many hours I am into it .

Thanks again for your advice.... I really felt good.

As Guns and Roses is playing on my deck :

Sometimes I need some time...on my
own Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

TIna....

[Jan W]

Go with the flow girl.

[Cary]

Hey, Tina, don't get worried about it being stupid. Sure, it's silly, what we do. Here's another set of things that are silly:

22 grown men kicking a bag of air around for 90 minutes
22 million other grown men watching them
India and Pakistan not talking to each other
Shaving
Muslims killing someone for translating Satanic Verses
Hindus thinking cows are sacred
Digital watches
... the list goes on and on. Everyone in the world does silly things, why should we be any different? At least we're doing no harm (unlike some items in that list).

I agree!

[tinachristina]

Hey, Tina, don't get worried about it being stupid. Sure, it's silly, what we do. Here's another set of things that are silly:

22 grown men kicking a bag of air around for 90 minutes
22 million other grown men watching them
India and Pakistan not talking to each other
Shaving
Muslims killing someone for translating Satanic Verses
Hindus thinking cows are sacred
Digital watches
... the list goes on and on. Everyone in the world does silly things, why should we be any different? At least we're doing no harm (unlike some items in that list).

Well Katie ,

Don't know I agree with you on points 3 ,5 and 6 . I am neither religious nor political at all but to add to the list....

1) Many people in western world thinking that Hindus think cows are sacred
2) Some people thinking that 'Slumdog' is actual depiction of India
3) Some people converting basic personal questions into their own biased opinions.

I can add more silly stuff but I am not here to start a discussions on what is silly, not silly because silliness is not entirely a regional or continental thing.

Tina

[Teri Jean]

I found time and becoming more comfortable dressing will cure the feeling. So sad.

Keli

[Joanne f]

Get someone to tie your hands behind your back :eek::lol2:

[Gisele]

It just takes time. Soon you will grow:heehee:(bad choice of words) out of it.

It is something that is on the front edge of our great lifestyle.

[KarenS]

Tina you said "I like being soft and nice . Even in my male mode I find it great to be nice to people and people appreciate it. "

I felt similarly for a while.

I finally chose to enjoy that aspect (soft, nice, appreciative) and ignore the arousal portion. I chose a strategy of dressing as I wanted, then doing normal everyday things while dressed. It took some time. But eventually, the excitement of being dressed and doing normal things became much much more important to me than the arousal. I also recognized that when dressed, I was much less aggressive, more tender, compassionate, and simply put - a nicer person.

[tinachristina]

Tina you said "I like being soft and nice . Even in my male mode I find it great to be nice to people and people appreciate it. "

I felt similarly for a while.

I finally chose to enjoy that aspect (soft, nice, appreciative) and ignore the arousal portion. I chose a strategy of dressing as I wanted, then doing normal everyday things while dressed. It took some time. But eventually, the excitement of being dressed and doing normal things became much much more important to me than the arousal. I also recognized that when dressed, I was much less aggressive, more tender, compassionate, and simply put - a nicer person.

You are so correct. Once I needed to shout on phone on someone for a bad financial service rendered and I was in Tina mode. Could nt do it ,:D started crying and put the phone down. My wife was looking at me amazed ."What's wrong ? She asked only to realize a moment later whats going on... :heehee:



Get someone to tie your hands behind your back :eek::lol2:

Well you are again putting me on wrong track :tongueout:D

[alexmusic]

I go through the same thing girl, I had been without CD’ing for a long, long time and when I came back to it I noticed precisely that, the guilt and shame that came rushing in when the excitement left and it can be a difficult feeling to tame especially when you haven’t been intimate with anybody for as long as I have now .

The first step I took was replacing all my male underwear with panties and wearing them all the time that helped a lot.

Secondly I started going to see my therapist dressed, this helped me associate the leaving the house and sitting and talking to someone en fem and I have to at that point just go with it and face the everyday stuff.

And last but not least, I get the chance to work from home sometimes and I’ll get up, get dressed and just go about my day, emails and calls or when I sit down and practice for a gig or session but I just busy the mind and hands and I am not as conscious of my clothes but of just being me.

But I do still get aroused and feel the guilt afterwards and I am Catholic so guilt is built in for everything (my dad says “everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening”) but I think with time this will pass for me.
I worry a little bit about the pink fog lifting for to long and then falling back into that pattern again when the fog descends on me again but if I do then you know what…..it’s ok.

[tinachristina]

I go through the same thing girl, I had been without CD’ing for a long, long time and when I came back to it I noticed precisely that, the guilt and shame that came rushing in when the excitement left and it can be a difficult feeling to tame especially when you haven’t been intimate with anybody for as long as I have now .

The first step I took was replacing all my male underwear with panties and wearing them all the time that helped a lot.

Secondly I started going to see my therapist dressed, this helped me associate the leaving the house and sitting and talking to someone en fem and I have to at that point just go with it and face the everyday stuff.

And last but not least, I get the chance to work from home sometimes and I’ll get up, get dressed and just go about my day, emails and calls or when I sit down and practice for a gig or session but I just busy the mind and hands and I am not as conscious of my clothes but of just being me.

But I do still get aroused and feel the guilt afterwards and I am Catholic so guilt is built in for everything (my dad says “everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening”) but I think with time this will pass for me.
I worry a little bit about the pink fog lifting for to long and then falling back into that pattern again when the fog descends on me again but if I do then you know what…..it’s ok.

Great advice Alex, Thank you very much. Though I cannot do all that you have said ( I would definately like to do them), I specially like work from home stuff. This is just great....

Dads' really dont understand us but they will be around when we need them :).

THanks again for suggestions .

[Heather_Marie]

I have the same problem tinachristina thank you for asking the question and after reading alexmusic and Gabrielle Hermosa replies they will help so thank you both for the advice and like alexmusic I am too Catholic too.

That might be some of my problem but that is a moral problem the question is a lot more of a physical one the next time I get dressed I will remember what you both said.

tinachristina I hope everything works out for you and you get over it I know I'm going to try but I will also go with the flow.

[Chari]

Tina, what you have described has probably happened to most of us, although few will admit that it did/does. You are a "normal person", but with different feelings and the way to express them. IMO you should never feel "idiotic or guilty" for those actions that bring you self pleasure. It is great you have an understanding wife who is helpful. Always be comfortable & confident in all that you do and enjoy each day!

[Cristi]

As others have said... Time.

Over time, you will get used to any stimulus. That is why people do more and more extreme things over time to try to get that same 'thrill' back that they originally had. This applies to just about anything fun, not just dressing.

For example, the first roller coaster you were on probably just about made your heart stop, but if you've ridden a lot since and go back to that first one, it would feel like a walk in the park.

As far as dressing goes, I think that this is what causes many of us to take more and more risks. After just putting on a dress in the privacy of our own room doesn't cause excitement anymore, it is time to walk around the rest of the house when nobody is home. When THAT feels normal, then we have to go outside for the same thrill. Then we need to take a drive dressed just to get that same feeling of excitement that we had the first time we pulled on a skirt.

In time, we push the boundries as far as we can get away with. By that time, 'just' putting on panties and a dress in our own home doesn't really count as doing anything fun anymore. The excitement at that level is gone, it is just 'getting dressed'.

I'm far along this curve, even the thrill of going out in public and shopping while dressed is fading. I envy people who are still in the early stages of this hobby who can get a thrill by putting on stockings and a dress for a few stolen moments in the privacy of their bedroom.

This process will be slower for you if you are still young living with your parents and don't have the ability to do more, but it WILL slowly happen. Eventually, you will find that dressing just doesn't do what it used to for you.

I started off as you, dressing for short periods of time mostly for the immediate thrill. Now, years later, I can (and do) fully dress all day many times and it is a different feeling. Not 'excitement', just a comfortable feeling.

Enjoy the journey. :)

[tinachristina]

Hey now! I sort of figure its silly and stupid for ANYONE to cause racial hatred, not just whites. (And I HAVE seen from other races)

I apologize Kimberly if I have hurt you . I dont mean it . It was just a silly response to a silly abuse done above. I have lots of White friends who are sweet and nice and not racist at all. I have said this unintentionally and I apologize again. Shouldn't have behaved like this.

:sad: Tina....

PS : Removed the quote

[mklinden2010]

Keep in mind that a complete, or, nearly complete change of mood is built into human sexual response. After sex, a male gets this big chemical signal to the brain and body to STOP!!!

Perhaps it's nature's way to conserve energy after the DNA has been transferred? Maybe it's nature's way to allow the woman to get away for more action elsewhere in the cave?

Whatever, no matter how you achieve sexual release, the majority of the time it suddenly occurs to the male that "Now would be a great time for ice cream, a smoke, some sports on TV, a zzzz-zzzz-zzzz. Talk about shifting priorities!

If you happen to be with a less than perfect mate, dressed in suddenly uncomfortable clothes, or, late for work, it might occur to you at times to feel guilty about "not doing the right thing." But... It was the right thing a short time ago... So, back up to what nature is trying to get you to do by revving you up and then letting you down quickly - no pun intended.

I wouldn't over think the rational response to much. It's not something we're meant to think about or explain. It's sex. It's a dynamic priority for humans. It's something you do, then you do something else.

So, here's what I suggest: have sex before dressing. Just get that out of the way. Then, if you still want to dress, go ahead. You may want to proceed, you may not. It might "just depend" on the day, the time, and so forth. But, it doesn't mean much either way. A physical problem solved, then a personal opportunity contemplated.

Either way, you're in charge of you and you don't wind up second guessing yourself.

(Who's got time for that?)

Go forth and do well.

[Nena]

I know that it might be difficult at first, but try to relax as much as possible. Meditate if it helps. What you will find is that relaxing will help your excitement to dissipate and you will be able to stay in femme for longer periods. Additionally, learn not to coax your excitement when (or if) it happens. Before getting dressed, choose something to do. It could be something as simple as playing a video game (your hands will be busy). Set a goal. For example, "I will be in femme for 30 minutes doing X activity without focusing on or coaxing my excitement (if it occurs)." Return to male mode at the end of the 30 minute period. If you combine learning to relax with engaging in a planned activity, you will find that you will be able to remain in femme for progressively longer periods. Moreover, even on those occasions where you still become excited, it will not persist and you will know what to do about it.:)

[NicoleScott]

I was like that when I was younger. It was so exciting to be making up and dressing that it was hard to finish the job before the job finished me. And as much as I loved making up and dressing, I'm ready to get out of the makeup and clothes after I'm "fulfilled". But I wanted it to last longer, so I could do a few things other than achieve sexual excitement. I wanted to take photos, admire myself in the mirror, experience BEING dressed up (not just the process of dressing up)and go out. I don't go out every time, but I do take photos. So, I kept my mind on the goals and didn't allow my self to get excited earlier than I wanted. It was difficult (easier now), but it is possible to will yourself to do it.
Also, if there are certain items that excite you, try to delay putting them on until late in the dressing process. Not always possible, I know. For me, high heels and lipstick are especially exciting. So, they are last to go on.

[AllieSF]

Great advice given above. When I first joined this site over 2 years ago there were several threads similar to yours. One of the recommendations (like maryklinden's above) that was given several times, was to relieve yourself sexually prior to getting dressed. If necessary, just start the dressing process and then when your natural excitement comes relieve yourself, relax and then finish dressing. That way you can enjoy the preparation process as well as the finished product of you as a beautiful woman. Good luck, and practice makes sperfect.

[Diane Cox]

I think many cd's go through this stage. I was once there myself.

I'm not sure exactly how to force yourself out of this cycle, but I think a lot of it has to do with your own mindset on cding.

After you're done being excited, so to say, why do you want to return to male mode? Is it because you feel a sense of embarrassment? Do you feel as if your dressing is just weird or feels not right at that point? If so, why? It is the "why" that you really need to address. It might be because you've grown up being taught that cding is wrong or socially not acceptable or something along those lines. After the excitement is over, you might just feel stupid about it, for lack of a better way of putting it. That's kind of how I was for a period of time.

Try just staying dressed up afterword. Whether or not it feels right or weird or you feel a sense of shame, just stay dressed up for as long a period of time as you can tolerate. Try not to feel stupid about it. Just go about your day dressed for a while. Watch tv or read or do whatever you'd otherwise be doing.

I think if you can remain dressed longer after the whole excitement part and without feeling odd about it (or at least making a conscious effort not to feel odd), you may be able to break this cycle.

Even if you can't seem to do this or feel too weird about it, I'm sure this phase will pass on its own in time. Everyone evolves at a different pace. Many cd's may be ashamed or embarrassed to discuss this aspect of it, but it really is just a natural part of change and evolution in our lives.

Why be ashamed? I'm no more ashamed of where I've been in life, than the fact that I'm a cd. The shame aspect comes from society's stupid "gender rules" and what's socially acceptable. I live my life as I choose, not as society would choose for me.
I think Gabrielle is right on. I also think if you prolong your sexual urges and delay the orgasms it will be even better. Let your urges build up just like women do.

[RachelAnne]

I've been in the same situation many, many times. Though, I think part of what's helping me is that I finally made a commitment to myself to not return to "male mode" anymore. It got to the point where I realized that I was spending more time as Rachel and that that's what I really wanted.

So, at least for me, making that commitment to myself helped me get over the guilt and shame.

[chrissy hunt]

I have the very same problem and it seems even if i stay dressed and do normal things i find myself in a constant state of excitement :o
I have tryed a few things, the only thing that has worked so far is sorting my excitement out before dressing while in male mode then dressing as chrissy so i'm much calmer and tend to enjoy it more- just my 2pence :)

[Carroll]

not one person has brought this up, but what is your age? Sometimes that is a factor also.

[Cary]

What about somebody who is at this stage of CDing and is not wanting to move on? Getting dressed for the excitement, is that such a bad thing? I know if someone dresses long enough, cding will change for them. Just like anything else, do something long enough and your reasons for doing it change.

[Tammy298]

I'd suggest underdressing for a while. Try just panties, nothing too frilly at first, everyday for a while. Then maybe move on to frilly ones. From there start wearing pantyhose with the panties under jeans or trousers. Move on to a garter belt and stockings and eventually add a bra. A sports bra doesn't show under a shirt and can still feel pretty nice.
Even if you "get excited" and can't control yourself, keep the underdressing on when your going out.
Eventually you'll break yourself of that "nasty habit" until you're really worked up and it's time!:D

[TxKimberly]

I apologize Kimberly if I have hurt you . I dont mean it . It was just a silly response to a silly abuse done above. I have lots of White friends who are sweet and nice and not racist at all. I have said this unintentionally and I apologize again. Shouldn't have behaved like this.

:sad: Tina....

PS : Removed the quote

Tina,

I commented on it completely in jest and was grinning from ear to ear while I wrote it. You didn't hurt my feelings at all - I knew very good and well what your intent was and agree with it.

Now I feel guilty for being a smart aleck. :D

PS - I removed my wise crack too. :-)

[Karren H]

You'll grow out of it... Look at me.. Only too me 4 decades..... And when your old you don't get excited anyway.. Sigh..

[beenherelongtime]

Gabriellas post is very good, and Karen me too. sigh. but to answer as most of the other posts have, we generally start with something that excites us, sisters, mothers clothes, this carries on for quite a while. eventually you will outgrow this excitement, it will take years and time. i had all of these feelings, gee, get half way dressed, enjoyment over, undress again. try to keep your hands off yourself, force yourself to wait. not easy to do. eventually you will learn control. good luck

[Rachel Morley]

I'm not quite sure how old you are but I only got sexually excited about it all when I was much younger, and I was new to exploring this side of me.

However, up until only a couple of years ago I used to get very nervous when it was time for me to get dressed. As I put out my lingerie, my dress, wig etc on the bed and started getting undressed I used to literally shake with mild tremors and also have a churning feeling in my stomach. It was like being in line for a roller coaster or something like that ... very nervous, shaking, but very exited at the same time and looking forward to what was about to happen.

I think your solution could be that you dress much more often. Some of the suggestions the girls have made here are excellent. I would say, dress for longer and more often because IMHO, sooner or later, as with most things in life, over exposure often breeds desensitization. Which is one of my worst fears actually, I'd hate for all of this to become "normal and boring" :sad:

[Cristi]

What about somebody who is at this stage of CDing and is not wanting to move on? Getting dressed for the excitement, is that such a bad thing?
I don't think that anybody would say that it is a bad thing. People dress for different reasons, It all fits on a spectrum from being transgendered on one end (dressing to be the woman that you really are inside) to sexual excitement (sometimes called transvestite fetishism, or dressing primarily for the sexual excitement).

Most of the people on this board who started young would probably say that they started off closer to the fetishism end and slowly, as they got older, moved away from that aspect. BUT not everybody has to move all the way, heck you may not EVER move away from the 'doing it for the excitement' end of things... and I don't think anybody would think the less of you for it. Everybody is different, and (I hope) the aim of this board is to accept and give support to everybody no matter what their motivations or needs.

[kristinacd55]

Yea, been there too but the longer you do it the less the urge is, at least for me it is. Of course, I've been doing it for so long maybe it's just age now! :)

[Alice Torn]

It was all sexual for me, too, for years, especially because I have never had a beautiful mate to touch. The last year, my sex drive, has dried up, due, to meds and stresses, age. I am amazed at how my desire has gone away, but, i still am thrilled to see that long-legged lady in the morror. Time will change your drive. We are all dying slowly.

[Sam-antha]

Sneak up on yourself and go with the tape.
Taping makes it rather more difficult to play. Maybe that is one of the reasons for the existence of the technique.
It may last a lifetime so get used to it.

~Samm

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

THanks Gabrielle

You're welcome. :)


In Indian society , especially the place I come from, male is considered superior to females. Being a female means submissive and weak . It might be difficult for some one from big city or a developed country like US to understand but in many parts of world women are not given due place.


I think most westerners understand how a woman's role in many eastern societies is far less than equal to men. It honestly sickens us... or at least me and people I know.

I pity anyone who looks at me as weak an submissive though. ;) Whether I'm wearing heels or not, I am anything but weak or submissive.


A third reason is that I myself not been able to reconcile to fact that I am associated with the female gender , even though I love being dressed. Its probably my mind that says that 'what are you doing stupid, get out of it' ( may be its my male ego). And then I feel idiotic and guilty.

I understand the feeling. Been there. Time to change that part of your thought process. Let go of what society has filled your head with and learn to accept who you are AND that you're perfectly normal. To hell with anyone who thinks otherwise.

Try not to over think about this. Let yourself be who you are and in time, your feelings on it all will ease up, I'm sure. I think that you'll find a new happiness in your life once you've purged the needless "guilty" garbage from your mind. It is garbage that your society has put in there. DO NOT let anyone put their garbage in YOUR head. You deserve better. :)

[Amy Rose]

grrrrr I find the same thing happens to me.
I get all excited,put on something feminine then in about 45 minutes my male side goes STOP

or I get sexually excited and everything else follows on.I don't like it that much :(

[Byanca]

I've considered myself CD. But I dont get excited in that way. I think I've gotten an erection only a few times when I am out through all the years. It's just one time I can remember-and I was like..oh no, what is happening. But it is noting I worry about or think about, since it does not really happen.

[Debutante]

Hi Tina,
I have struggled with this issue too, and over a number of years.
I want to feel the feminine being, without the sexual eroticism. Sometimes the eroticism is there, other times a beautiful
feminity lasts a while. i want to engage and allow that feminine being to last longer.
I think in part it is dealing with one's masculine/sexual energies. I have often felt as you, after dressing, getting very aroused, then climaxing, that i need to get out of the clothes. I have some unresolved stuff in accepting my femme self. i want to hold onto the masculine -- i want BOTH.
I think it, for me, it's lingering shame and unresolved masc. feelings of being feminine. i am working on this spiritualy.
I want to be a happy, balanced self, with a beautiful feminine being that grows, lasts, and allows herself to be.
It's a learning, growing process... I wish you well in discovering this for yourself...

[tinachristina]

Wohhh,
So many posts, so many suggestions, so many experience. It seems that more I ask the more different views I get.A lot of thanks for your suggestions. I have actually started trying out some methods and I can say in time , I should see the difference. So thanks for all your suggestions and there are so many of them . I have picked some of them to reply




Keep in mind that a complete, or, nearly complete change of mood is built into human sexual response. After sex, a male gets this big chemical signal to the brain and body to STOP!!!

Perhaps it's nature's way to conserve energy after the DNA has been transferred? Maybe it's nature's way to allow the woman to get away for more action elsewhere in the cave?

Whatever, no matter how you achieve sexual release, the majority of the time it suddenly occurs to the male that "Now would be a great time for ice cream, a smoke, some sports on TV, a zzzz-zzzz-zzzz. Talk about shifting priorities!

If you happen to be with a less than perfect mate, dressed in suddenly uncomfortable clothes, or, late for work, it might occur to you at times to feel guilty about "not doing the right thing." But... It was the right thing a short time ago... So, back up to what nature is trying to get you to do by revving you up and then letting you down quickly - no pun intended.

I wouldn't over think the rational response to much. It's not something we're meant to think about or explain. It's sex. It's a dynamic priority for humans. It's something you do, then you do something else.

So, here's what I suggest: have sex before dressing. Just get that out of the way. Then, if you still want to dress, go ahead. You may want to proceed, you may not. It might "just depend" on the day, the time, and so forth. But, it doesn't mean much either way. A physical problem solved, then a personal opportunity contemplated.

Either way, you're in charge of you and you don't wind up second guessing yourself.

(Who's got time for that?)

Go forth and do well.

That is just wonderful advice so much 'Doctor like' . Thanks for it.



I think Gabrielle is right on. I also think if you prolong your sexual urges and delay the orgasms it will be even better. Let your urges build up just like women do.

Hmm... never thought about . But this is an interesting point.


not one person has brought this up, but what is your age? Sometimes that is a factor also.

Early thirties...

Tina,

I commented on it completely in jest and was grinning from ear to ear while I wrote it. You didn't hurt my feelings at all - I knew very good and well what your intent was and agree with it.

Now I feel guilty for being a smart aleck. :D

PS - I removed my wise crack too. :-)

Hahah.... thats cool. Nice to know .


I'm not quite sure how old you are but I only got sexually excited about it all when I was much younger, and I was new to exploring this side of me.

However, up until only a couple of years ago I used to get very nervous when it was time for me to get dressed. As I put out my lingerie, my dress, wig etc on the bed and started getting undressed I used to literally shake with mild tremors and also have a churning feeling in my stomach. It was like being in line for a roller coaster or something like that ... very nervous, shaking, but very exited at the same time and looking forward to what was about to happen.

I think your solution could be that you dress much more often. Some of the suggestions the girls have made here are excellent. I would say, dress for longer and more often because IMHO, sooner or later, as with most things in life, over exposure often breeds desensitization. Which is one of my worst fears actually, I'd hate for all of this to become "normal and boring" :sad:

Yeah same here. I was in that stage for some time because probably , I was seeking thrill in hiding and doing that. Now that stage is gone and I am moving to another one I guess. So probably this is the exploration stage of a new phase.


You're welcome. :)



I think most westerners understand how a woman's role in many eastern societies is far less than equal to men. It honestly sickens us... or at least me and people I know.

I pity anyone who looks at me as weak an submissive though. ;) Whether I'm wearing heels or not, I am anything but weak or submissive.



I understand the feeling. Been there. Time to change that part of your thought process. Let go of what society has filled your head with and learn to accept who you are AND that you're perfectly normal. To hell with anyone who thinks otherwise.

Try not to over think about this. Let yourself be who you are and in time, your feelings on it all will ease up, I'm sure. I think that you'll find a new happiness in your life once you've purged the needless "guilty" garbage from your mind. It is garbage that your society has put in there. DO NOT let anyone put their garbage in YOUR head. You deserve better. :)

Yeah agreed. I sincerely hope women get their pride and position back. I simply like it when little girls from all stratas of society going to school, studying and doing well. Guess it will take some time but things will get better ( fingers crossed ).

I have constantly tried doing what you have said and I have been successful to quite an extent. I feel , we all have push to and pull from everything we encounter. Whole life is spent resolving these pushes and pulls. Thanks for your fantastic suggestion


grrrrr I find the same thing happens to me.
I get all excited,put on something feminine then in about 45 minutes my male side goes STOP

or I get sexually excited and everything else follows on.I don't like it that much :(

Sad to hear that . Hope this thread was helpful to you as well.

Hi Tina,
I have struggled with this issue too, and over a number of years.
I want to feel the feminine being, without the sexual eroticism. Sometimes the eroticism is there, other times a beautiful
feminity lasts a while. i want to engage and allow that feminine being to last longer.
I think in part it is dealing with one's masculine/sexual energies. I have often felt as you, after dressing, getting very aroused, then climaxing, that i need to get out of the clothes. I have some unresolved stuff in accepting my femme self. i want to hold onto the masculine -- i want BOTH.
I think it, for me, it's lingering shame and unresolved masc. feelings of being feminine. i am working on this spiritualy.
I want to be a happy, balanced self, with a beautiful feminine being that grows, lasts, and allows herself to be.
It's a learning, growing process... I wish you well in discovering this for yourself...


So true and thanks for confirming this. This is exactly what I wish too.

:love::love:
Tina

[Veronica Lacey]

Great responses to this thread, tinachristina. Nice choice you made.

Much like yourself I derive great sexual pleasure from dressing. This has been the case for me since I first wore panties and pantyhose and around age 9 although my fascination began around age 6 with the clothing in general.

As with your feelings I yearn to dress beyond the sensations of my manhood and am still experimenting to determine just how far it will go for me. I do not consider it a given that I will eventaully want to go 24/7 and public with my dressing (not passable here and my wife would not accept it that far.) Maybe we are meant to just dress at the level we are? Maybe you will wear panties all the time and stop there. Maybe more? Any level is really okay, yes?

I tend to believe that such feelings we have in this regard are based from two or more sources. One is the sexual gratification and second is that we actually want to wear female clothing for whatever reasons. For me it is the old "why should gals have all the wardrobe flexibility and I can only wear pants?" state of mind. Stale and cliched, perhaps, but true.

Most - but not all - of my dressing sessions culminate in a sexual response while dressed. My internal response to that is to get back into my male gear and put away the silks. I tend to have a healthy libido and do not require dressing to feel aroused so I do not feel guilt so much for dressing (now age 38.) Yet less than 30 minutes after finishing I yearn to be back in the silken saddle once again. Now my libido can get pretty wild but I think it is more than that directing me to dress so soon afterwards.

So while sexual urges can arise from dressing (or vice verse) I think that, equally, feelings of general contentment are derived from dressing as well. Just as wearing my favourite sweater, jeans and hiking boots in guy mode is a great way to feel normal and casual so does dressing in a silk blouse, satin skirt and heels which makes me feel content and relaxed.

I sense that the real guilt is not from dressing against the gender norm so much as it is something else. Perhaps I feel more guilt because so many others out there have not discovered or cannot understand the joy and contentment of the multi-faceted pleasure that comes from dressing from either side of the gender wardrobe yet I partake as often as I can. :)

[meghanr416]

Yeah I have always had trouble with this as well. I'm working on it. The longest I have spent dressed so far is a few hours

[daisygurl462]

Hey Tina, when I started crossdressing, it was only about the sexual excitement. But since I've started other activities (shopping/going out in femme) I feel like that excitement takes over the sexual excitement. I'm only nineteen and everytime I dress, there's a sexual aspect to it. But if I can get excited about going out, then I can stay dressed a lot longer. It takes a lot of focus, but it's a totally different experience staying dressed for more than a couple hours.

[MsJanessa]

Get someone to tie your hands behind your back :eek::lol2:

that might make her problem worse

[phballet]

well i think everyone has really good points. for me this has been an issue for the longest time too. i'm not going to deny that there isn't any sexual arousal when i dress. even thinking about it makes me tingle! but the main thing is to put aside those feelings as best as you can. for me, i concentrate on the make-up and trying to look as en-femme as possible. during that time (when i'm trying not to screw-up:>) my mind shifts to working on the task at hand. like someone previously said its all in the mindset.

everything in, all the best to you! hope you get to enjoy your journey as much as i have!

[twozillion]

Some great posts on this!

I noticed for myself that how I treated the whole crossdressing process made a difference. As I invest more time in getting to passing mode it is more pleasurable to be "pretty", it becomes a satisfaction in itself. Also I have become more accepting of myself. As others have stated it appears to be something that you grow out of. I spent many years doing what you do, and it was all fun for sure ;) But have eventually moved on as it appears others have, interesting to think about.

G

[Melinda G]

I used to have the same problem. A couple times, it felt so good, with the tight pantyhose rubbing me just the right way, I came while walking down the street. My knees got weak, and I had to lean against a building, until it passed, and I just hoped no one saw me, and tried to "help".
Get some sunburn spray, containing Lanacaine, and spray the little fellow with it before you dress. Roll on a condom, to keep the stuff on the skin, and keep it off your clothes. It slightly numbs things for a while, but not too long. The excitement will return in a little while, but you will have longer to enjoy being dressed. It also prolongs the excitement, by forcing you to remain dressed longer, waiting for the Lanacaine and numbness to wear off. And it is completely harmless. It is a slight anesthetic for sunburn pain, and available without a prescription, at most drug stores.

[DonnaT]

Dressing more often may help.

Try dressing again, like a half hour after undressing. Continue until you can no longer get 'excited' by the dressing.

If all else fails, try locking on a chastity device. Freeze the key in ice.:D

[CandiceStivali]

Hey, Tina, don't get worried about it being stupid. Sure, it's silly, what we do. Here's another set of things that are silly:

22 grown men kicking a bag of air around for 90 minutes
22 million other grown men watching them
India and Pakistan not talking to each other
Shaving
Muslims killing someone for translating Satanic Verses
Hindus thinking cows are sacred
Digital watches
... the list goes on and on. Everyone in the world does silly things, why should we be any different? At least we're doing no harm (unlike some items in that list).

22 grown men kicking a bag of air around is so much fun though!

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Katie-B is right on - especially about the "wait a few years and it will pass"

JoAnne Wheeler

[Dragster]

The "Wait a few years and it will pass" is not true for everyone. I too had an accidental orgasm (my first one!) the first time I put on my mothers girdle and stockings at about 10 years old, and dressing is still a sexually arousing activity for me now, almost 55 years later. It doesn't always harden up as it used to, especially if it's tucked between my legs, but there's always quite a bit of "leakage" if I've been dressed for a few hours, and the urge to seek release is still quite strong. Maybe if my wife had been more accepting, and I'd progressed to dressing more often, with a wig and make-up (neither of which I have yet), and got out of the house dressed, I may also have found the effect diminishing over time, but I can't, and it hasn't!

Tony

[RobertaM]

I was much less aggressive, more tender, compassionate, and simply put - a nicer person.

So true, I am finding that dressing gives me a inner peace and a big freakin smile on my face.
Interesting comments about having to push doing new things to get the "thrill" factor. Now i understand why i am looking for amateur drag queen night lol. Seriously, as mature adults we need stimulus and balance. I am finding that dressing gives me balance. My SO says she has never seen me so happy for a long time. So I guess some thing is working right.
Great thread, just what i needed right now. thank you

[Carly D.]

All I can say is (been there done that long story short) after a while certain things become more important than pleasure of your .. .. .. self let's say.. and feeling nylon on your self (wherever nylon is placed) changes the way you feel.. wait a minute.. that almost makes sense.. anyway so those who can read a long short or indifferent response here it is in a nutshell..
enjoy
dressing
anyway
you
want
to... nuff said..

[docrobbysherry]

Great advice given above. When I first joined this site over 2 years ago there were several threads similar to yours. One of the recommendations (like maryklinden's above) that was given several times, was to relieve yourself sexually prior to getting dressed. If necessary, just start the dressing process and then when your natural excitement comes relieve yourself, relax and then finish dressing. That way you can enjoy the preparation process as well as the finished product of you as a beautiful woman. Good luck, and practice makes sperfect.

Allie, I think if I tried that, I'd HAVE to give something up! Either CDing, or masterbation!:doh:

Maybe both?:brolleyes:

[Elizabeth2-]

I have been trying to leave "him" behind in my dressing for a long time. Now, with much practice, he often does not show up the entire time.

I also take the "natural herb" route for breast enhancement. It lowered my libido just enough to get control and leave enough libido for my SO.

Continually gawking and fondling at yourself is the nemisis. Use the mirror in the utilitarian way that women use it. They know how they look and they are often just checking for appearance details as you should. Then, go on with your day's plans (in or out of the house) and focus on that just as any woman would have to do anyway.

LOL, Liz

[Randee]

Oh my, why would you want to suppress that?!! Hey I have a surprise for all of you. You are really MEN! And we get turned on by our infatuation for females and femininity, regardless of who is inside the outfit. Nothing could be more natural. Women don't get boners, duh. But they dress to advertise there femininity and take it as a compliment when they can arouse us by their visual presentation. Why do you think women enjoy watching men in ballet even though most are gay. Because they can't hide it when they get hard in their tights. Enjoy it, go ahead a be a man in your women's clothing, and enjoy your woodie. That's what the thrill of crossdressing is, afterall.

[Stefanie_Adams]

Wow, so I am not alone! even at my age I still have this situation of excitement. And I do use relaxation techniques to keep myself in control.
I have become much better at it in recent years as I just want to enjoy my femininity but there are times when I can't resist.
I can say this that during my entire lifetime that I have never been so to speak sensual as a male and that is one part of my marriage that has always been an issue, but my sensuality is more female than male so when I can be "me" yes I still often get excited, I think as any woman would as she makes herself pretty.
To take the edge off I do what others have mentioned here by envolving myself in everyday activities like cleaning the house or doing laundry and just role playing the stereotypical female and I enjoy it. I am a submissive by nature so it suits me. I hope that I am making sense. I could probably go on forever on this subject but I won't

[abbie yorke]

If your getting aroused when dressing your probably dressing to damn sexy! sensual lingerie is designed to be sexy and cause arousal.slipping stockings up a freshly shaved leg is one of the most wonderful sensations i know. im not saying we all start wearing granny knickers, but keep your outfit simple and avoid items that turn you on. If i want a relaxing girly night id just slip on plain cotton panties casual denim skirt and a vest top with no problems..if i want a (ahem) sexy night, in ill go full on with the sexy lingerie heels etc..It also helps if you actually dress to go out rather than stay at home..If im in a trannie club i can dress v sexy and just enjoy looking sexy without(much) arousal..It aint going to look too good if your dancing with a boner so you soon calm down...xxx

[Melinda G]

If your getting aroused when dressing your probably dressing to damn sexy! sensual lingerie is designed to be sexy and cause arousal.slipping stockings up a freshly shaved leg is one of the most wonderful sensations i know. im not saying we all start wearing granny knickers, but keep your outfit simple and avoid items that turn you on.
Ummm, that would take all the fun and pleasure out of it! :D

[Marilynn]

Ummm, that would take all the fun and pleasure out of it! :D


I couldn't agree more.

Stop me, I'm having too much fun! :yippee:

[Dragster]

I couldn't agree more.


I totally agree too.

Tony

[kimmy p]

Tape it down! That ought to do the trick. And if you use "Good" tape you may never want to dress drab again. Out of fear of the tape removal! :eek::eek::eek:

[Carly D.]

If it's really a problem.. if you can't get through to the exploration of how great it is to feel these clothes on you.. to enjoy feeling these clothes on you.. to walk in another persons shoes, another sexes shoes.. to enjoy the feeling of terror as you worry about weather you have offended someone by wearing clothes that are not normally associated with men... hmmm lost my train there.. never mind..

[DeeArel]

Such a complex issue to attempt to distill down to a post.

Societal and environmental programming has taught the genetic male to seek relief when aroused. At which point, most require a recovery period before arousal can be resumed.

The peak of the arousal process which occurs prior to the climax is far more pleasurable than we tend to acknowledge. And is a mental state for which we wish to obtain again.

Normal male arousal modes only involve limited use of the body's senses. Dressing provides multiple stimuli encompassing potentially all of the senses and mental imagery.

The sense of touch in many cases is stimulated potentially over the entire body with the proper combination of under- and outer-garmets.

The taste of lipstick.

The sultry image in the mirror.

The sound of heels clickety-clacking, nylon thighs rubbing, skirt swoooshing.

The aroma of make up. Mix that with a drop of perfume mixing with the sudden release of your pleasure phermones.

Thus, one generally has a uniquely intense arousal experience that through past conditioning causes one to seek immediate relief.

The regret is not that the climax was achieved but that the high has gone away.

If you can resist the urge, the woodie does may subside but the arousal will remain at its peak and you will end in a mental and physical state that you did not know exists. WARNING: DRESSING BECOMES EXTREMELY ADDICTIVE FROM THIS POINT FORWARD

Respectfully
An Addict

[JamieToo]

Tinachristina, you are obviously not alone. I have been dressing for 36 years and still get excited, and that's okay because sometimes that is my goal. I think the other girls are correct in stating that the frequency of your dressing plays a role in you tendency to get excited. I don't get to dress very often, so arousal is frequent; however, some days I can remain dressed for hours without arousal. I think on those days, I just want to be a girl and my thoughts are about being me. I like being aroused.

I have only been out a few times, and those times were during the night. I cannot step outside without getting excited, even if I wasn't excited before stepping through the door. I think the possibility of being discovered is cause for my excitement. If you really don't want to be excited every time you dress, the suggestions by the other girls is probably correct. Ease into it. Dress as often as possible. Do it for short periods and then increase the length of those periods gradually. Then start expanding your comfort zone. Drive around at night, or walk to the mailbox, or around the block. This may work, but as I said, I can't step outdoors without becoming sexually aroused.