Irrational fear

[pamela_a]

Yesterday I went to see a therapist for help on dealing with some home/wife/family issues (nothing related to dressing/gender). During out session he asked where I saw myself after next year when my son finally (hopefully) graduates high school. I thought about it for a while and answered I wasn't sure, but I believed it would be more female than I am now ( I dress full time fem but subdued for my son's sake).

He admitted he wasn't an expert in gender issues and recommended I see someone at the Univ. of MN. Sexuality clinic . Well, I just made the appt to see one of the doctors there but I have this fear he's going to tell me I'm not trans, just crazy. That I've been dressing for the past few years just as a result of the external stresses I've been dealing with.

I'm just so very confused now. I want answers but at the same time I'm afraid of them.

I'm sure at least one of you girls have experienced this. How do you deal with it?

-Paula-

[Karen564]

I really wouldn't worry about it.
After all, wouldn't you rather know the truth no matter what it is.
Only YOU know how you feel within your soul, so they cant tell you how you feel, all they can do is bring up some questions that you should be asking yourself anyways because their only trying to help you, not hurt or judge you.

Just go there as yourself & be honest, chances are, they wont be able to tell you too much on the 1st appointment anyways, all they will do is ask lots of questions about you & your family, what your doing now and things like that.

If I was told I wasn't a trans and it was just a phase and could help me get over those feelings and not have to transition, I'd welcome that with open arms, but my therapist and I know that would just be another lie to myself.

[Heatherx75]

Just knuckle down and go to the appointment. I had that exact same feeling before I went to see my therapist for the first time. None of that stuff happened. I'm sure he'll work with you.

I think it's just because we're not used to people understanding us, and we actually expect to be misunderstood. It gets easier with each person you talk to.

[Berinthia]

I asked my therapist how he knew I was depressed, he said he dealt with depressed people all day and could see it in my face. I would think you would want a shrink who if he hadn't been to school studying this area, at least he works with crossdressers all day and knows what you're talking about.

I caught myself telling my brother I would prefer a disability pension rather than getting well. To make a long story short, if I'm proclaimed "well" I lose my pension and I'm out on the street with no job and no income. I've been sick so long I'm not afraid of it anymore, but I'm terrified of being penniless. I worked for YEARS being sick, I was one of the best workers. Depression is a nice fuzzy warm blanket at times, Health is scary! Remember how scary being young and healthy was? Man, I don't want to go back there. But hopefully I can. Health is Job #1. If it's not, time to re-think motives, me thinks.

[Sharon]

Just as a good therapist won't tell you that you are trans, I doubt they tell you that you aren't. As far as dressing when stressed -- if you didn't have the inclination in you already, you would have found another way to relieve the emotions.

Keep the appointment, be as honest as you can possibly be and let the chips fall where they will. Otherwise, there really isn't much use in going. I'd be willing to bet you that even one session will benefit you a little bit, assuming the doctor you see is a decent one.

Good luck and try your best to relax! :)

[~Kelly~]

.......If I was told I wasn't a trans and it was just a phase and could help me get over those feelings and not have to transition, I'd welcome that with open arms, but my therapist and I know that would just be another lie to myself.
In all honesty, when I first started seeing my therapist, I was trying to find an alternative to transitioning. I was hoping and praying that maybe there was some manner of "coping technique" that I hadn't tried that would enable me to be "content" with myself. Or that maybe my social awkwardness was because I hadn't (fill in the blank) as a child. Or maybe I was just confused sexually and not necessarily genderly (is that a word?) Essentially I knew what transition meant and I DID NOT want to have to go through that. Through countless sessions and much soul searching, I learned that transitioning was (and is) really my ONLY option and despite my intial fear, it has been the most rewarding and liberating things I have ever done.

[marie rose]

In all honesty, when I first started seeing my therapist, I was trying to find an alternative to transitioning. I was hoping and praying that maybe there was some manner of "coping technique" that I hadn't tried that would enable me to be "content" with myself. Or that maybe my social awkwardness was because I hadn't (fill in the blank) as a child. Or maybe I was just confused sexually and not necessarily genderly (is that a word?) Essentially I knew what transition meant and I DID NOT want to have to go through that. Through countless sessions and much soul searching, I learned that transitioning was (and is) really my ONLY option and despite my intial fear, it has been the most rewarding and liberating things I have ever done.


Kelly your post rings so true. Like you I fought and fought against myself because I didn't want to go down this path. Of course the fighting was all in vain. The good news is that since I have been able to accept myself as a woman the noise in my head has gone and life has been quite good.

[Kimberley]

A good pdoc wouldnt say such a thing. A good pdoc will help you figure things out for yourself by being a facilitator in the process. In fact, if you read the HBSOC if a patient claims to be trans, it is assumed to be so by the doctor. It is all the other junk in our lives that we have to come to terms with first so our thinking about gender is clear and not muddied by the barriers we have put up.