I really need some help right now

[Jill]

Ok, here's the situation: I am a college student and I live with three room mates. I am scared to death of being outed about my CDing. Yesterday we were given a notice that a company was going to install new jacks in our rooms for cable and internet. They have us a little diaghram of the rooms and where they would be installed. I made sure that my room was clear of anything that might be questionable and stuffed my shoes under the bed. I went to the gym for an hour and when I came back I found that my bed was removed and there were my heels, in plain sight. I knew there was no way that he could not have seen them. I was really afraid but I thought that I wouldn't ever see this man again and it wouldn't be a big deal. Well, I sat down next to my room mate to eat some lunch in front of the tv and he said to me: "So he said that he found some high heels under your bed." Oh crap, he told my roommate! I thought, well it turns out he told both my roommates that he found some heels. And when my third roommate came home, the two of them told him too! I was in my room and heard him say really loud, "They probably think we got some crossdressers in here or something!" I'm in a world of trouble and potentially a world of hurt here. What should I do?! Please help me!

[Jennifer_Ph]

Wow. Are you dating anyone? Could you say they are her shoes? That's the first thing that comes to mind. Otherwise you could try the collector angle. Say you collect them and sell them on eBay - that you're amazed at the cash some people will pay for heels. Another thing that comes to mind is just have fun with it - put a pair on in drab and just say hey, at least I don't own a bra!

Or.

Be honest. And that would be really tough, I understand. But if all goes well, it could be a huge relief. If you go this route, you can tell them that they never, ever have to see you dressed unless they choose to, that you'll always keep it private.

Whatever the route, please keep us informed, and good luck girl! We're all behind you!

[Aisha]

Even if you're not dating someone, you can always claim that you are. Just make sure your stories add up, and remember that sometimes it takes a lie to get out of a lie, and you may eventually end up in trouble. Be sure to stay on your toes.

[Jill]

I'm not dating anyone, and they know that, I can't use that as an excuse.

[Jennifer_Ph]

What do you forsee as the consequences? I mean, how many heels are we talking about here? Do you think they're going to try to inflict physical pain? From your first post it didn't sound like anyone was too angry about it. Sounded like they were laughing. Which is good.

Tell them that you know a crossdresser and he is afraid to tell anyone and that he asked you to hide some of his stuff for him because he had no where to go with it. And thats why they were under the bed. And of course, you have to protect who he is, you promised. It might also serve as a way for you to find out how your roomies feel about crossdressers!

[Jocee]

I'm not dating anyone, and they know that, I can't use that as an excuse.

Tell them they don't know about all your extracurriculler activities, and give them a wink... in other words, let them think you had a woman over..... Crossdressing is probably the furthest thing from their minds....

[Jenny]

Hi Jill,

Sometimes silence is the best policy. You could just say nothing and let the whole thing blow over. If you are asked about the shoes, you could say either a friend/family member left them in your car sometime ago and you had forgotten about returning them. Or if you take drama classes, you could say they were for a part you were trying out for (actually used this myself once.) Good luck. I'm sure it will all blow over.

Jenny :)

[Julie]

Jill,

Everything depends on how good a liar you are. If you can lie straight faced with no embarassment showing on your face then I'd say tell them a story. Otherwise it's tell the truth or say nothing. They might press you for an explanation. Silence leaves a lot of unanswered questions but telling the truth opens a whole new can of worms.

You know your roommates better than any of us. You'll have to decide what they can and can't handle. I wish you the best here. We're all behind you.

[softandsmooth]

Hi Jill,

Ouch - tough luck.

I am with the others. You can lie, say nothing, or tell the truth.

If you tell the truth - you are outed, perhaps forever. Can you handle that at this point?

You can say nothing. This may or may not work. Your roomie trumpeting "They probably think we got some crossdressers in here or something!" suggests, to me at least, that your roomies already suspect something. The suspicion will linger, and perhaps grow in the telling, without intervention. If they do know already, they are either going to tar and feather you and haul your pantied bum out to the quad, or don't care too much.

Lieing is fairly easy. as long as you keep the story simple, practice the story, and have an armor plated alibi. If you say that "some chick left them after you had her over for a date", the chick better have a name and some reason why she would go home without her heels. However, when you heard that your shoes had been found, your face may have given you away. It is those unguarded moments that tell the truth for you.

Best of luck. Try not to sweat it too much.

Charlotte

[eleventhdr]

So sorry i did not post earlier about your problem But here goes now. Frist off I would not over react and fly off the old handel. I would look the problem over very carefully and see what the real situation is perhaps your roommates are just as curious to know what who and waht you are as well Then I would find out what they do think about your being crossdresser they might not even mind this is a much more coomen problem then you might realize. Then after finding out there take on it I would if and when they accept that this is who and what you are then If they do accept it I would then tell them that iwas a crossdresser I know it can be very hard to come out for the frsit time but it is not all that uncommen now for people to accept others who are just trying to be who they really are. Nad if some of them do object then find out the ones who will welcome you as you must be then you will perhaps know where you do stand for the best And when you boil it all down it does not hurt anyone there are far worse things in this old world then being a crossdresser belive me there really are. And so what if this calbe guy found your shoes chances are he could care less he might have just thought they were left over form someone staying there or something it's like going into a store and buying girls cloths the people there are not there to judge you. So i would not fret over it to much you might make yourself sick with worry and that simple would be no good at all I know it si very hard to get over the frist time coming out but you will find most people will not judge you really harshly and if they do and cause you real probles then you just might consider moving on where you would be safer being your real self do not stick around with people who would cause you rel trouble there is far to much of that in this old world as it is I am with you in this because I can recall the times when i was fighting with myself trying to find my way to who and what i was and it was not easy but i did make it finally and here I am with no regrets and i would never go back now. Thank's Suzy Ann my girl name Please do let me know how stuff works out!.

[chm17]

just tell them. no big deal. get it over with. if they are ur frinds, then theyll like u no matter what

[Shy Charlotte]

Well, I think if they were the kind of people you could tell, you probably would have already, so that's probably out of the question.

Strategy: A. Don't say anything for a little bit of time. B. If they don't mention it first, after a little bit of time, when you guys are hanging out drinking, playing foosball, throwing darts, streaking through the convalescent home, etc. slip out with: "Hey, remember that time when that guy came over from the phone company and moved the beds around? Well, I didn't want to say anything earlier since this is kinda embarassing, but....."

Tactics: The Lie; This all depends on situations. If you've got 8 pairs of 10" gold, size 15 shoes that have "That's right, (your name here) is a crossdresser, and these are my shoes, so don't touch" written in lipstick all over them with fem pics of yourself pasted all over the sides, then you might be in more trouble.

Otherwise, the trick to lying successfully is to admit to something embarassing, but not as embarassing as the truth. If they're fairly normal women's shoes, just say "Well, there was this girl I really had a thing for, but she considers me a stalker, so I stole her shoes and sniff them everynight". Something like that, only not as bad. And if they really are like size 12's or something, even better. You can say the reason that you never told them about her was A. Long Time Ago. and B. "She was kinda husky... I knew you guys would tease me about her if you knew. But you never met her, so I never brought it up."

Just some thoughts.

[Jill]

It's day two and nobody has said anything to me, apartment interaction is normal. So far so good, but I have mostly isolated in my bedroom.

[chloe]

My heart goes out to you. Lets hope they've just forgoten about it. I told my fiends and parents I crossdress when I was 16. I was foolish, had taken too much LSD and was in psychosis. Before the hospital I told my friends, some of which wern't that inebreated that I wanted to be a girl and love wearing girls cloths. It was like I was efected by a truth serum. My parents were next. Needless to say the next day i had a big heart to heart with my dad. I blamed it on the LSD. I was crazy, not a crossdresser. Onely one of my friends ever brought it up. Same answer!.....It was a little different for me I spose but I'm still friends with alot of those people( Atough my LSD days are over) and about 2 months later my MUM found a pair of nylons in my draw. I'm shure she knows and acsepts me but cant realy talk about it so she kind of blocks it out...........................GOOD LUCK TO YOU.....Love Chloe

[PaulaJeanette]

Just stay quiet and ride it out. However, be aware that isolating yourself in your room is not good. Go out...that way you don't have to make it appear like you're avoiding them. Staying in your room communicates you're isolating yourself from them. Also, if you're out, then it could help down the road with indicating you maybe spending your time with someone...a female.

Good luck...all the ladies here are your source of support on this...just remember: you are not alone!

Paula J.

[nicola_j]

Jill, I've been thinking about you and you situation today since reading your post this morning. Firstly the positive, you have friends here who you can talk to and who will always understand.

In your profile you say you are a "Guys guy who likes to CD on the side.", I'm sure a lot of men who are guy's guys (possibly your roommates) have dabbled in cross dressing in some way - like trying on their girlfriends panties - I know quite a few of my friends have (they are guy's guys and not CDs as far as I know!). However, going on to talk about wanting to cross dress further has always seemed taboo so I have never discussed it with them. If your roommates suspect anything, they probably don't want to talk about it as much as you don't - in my experience guy's guys just don't have taboo conversations like that with each other. Fingers crossed they will let it be and you can get on with enjoying your life in the house with them. Good luck. xx

[vicky]

jill,
i really hope that everything is ok with you! please don't let it isolate you from everyone else around you.
i can't really say anything different from anyone else. you can either tough it out, lie or come clean. but either way, don't let it isolate you from your friends.
if you do come clean you will probably find who your friends really are and may be surprised to find support from the strangest places!
my thoughts are with you..
love
vicky
x

[Dallas]

Jill; face it you got caught. Lieing to them is just going to show them how scared you are; face it and come on out, the worst is over now anyway, you have been caught by people you don't want knowing. The rest is easy.

[eleventhdr]

Yes sometimes you must wait and see and then sometimes you must fight not in the literal sense but fight to be herad and be who you do really want to be. maybe right now you should wait and see what does develope!. I am with you however it does come out Suzy Ann!.

[kristi cd]

Jill,

I don't know what I can really add, but I think that if you were my roomate and something happened like this when you isolated yourself in your room then that would make me more suspicious and maybe start to ask more questions. But like Charlotte said if you haven't told them yet you probably didn't want them to know in the first place, so I don't think coming out directly would really help much. I guess I'm just trying to say "get in your roommates heads" more or less since you know them better than us, and try to feel them out as to how they'd react if they knew the truth, then determine what you should do, but I definitely think trying to be as normal as possible helps, at least in the immediate future. I know I'd personally react the same way you would, trying to hide it, though fortunately it hasnt' happened to me yet. *fingers crossed* :rolleyes: Hope that was at least a little moral support if nothing else.

Hugs!
kristi

[Christine1960]

Dear Jill,
I always believe that honesty is the best policy. :o Having said that I know it is easy to type from my computer but a different thing to actually do.

So long as your roommates are not going to tar and feather you, I believe it would be a good start in coming out of the closet to the world. :) This is the way we are and deep acceptance starts from the inside. I am a very long time crossdresser and wish I would have come out earlier, except years ago, this was a time when it was considered one's American duty to beatup anyone different (which included Gays and Crossdressers). I am a member of the CD group. :)
Love and Hugs,
Christine

[Wen4cd]

"Well, um...which one of you guys is throwing women's shoes under my bed!?! When you have your girlfriends over, tell them to keep their shoes under YOUR beds from now on!"

Seriously, would like to hear how this shakes out. I guess a lot of people wouldn't know one shoe-size from another, but the stupid cable-guy had no business yapping his mouth to anybody about it.

[Jill]

Well, it's day three and so far it seems to be blowing over. Except I haven't even seen one of my room mates since it has happened. And he's the one that is my friend that moved in with me. He might think it strange that he hasn't even seen me all week. I am going to initiate contact today and see how it goes.

[Jill]

Well, it's day four since the incident. I did see the third room mate finally yesterday a couple of times. We talked and it didn't come up, he was nice and cool but seemed a little distant. He acted a little strange, but other than that, it all seems to be blowing over.

[Wen4cd]

Well hopefully they'll forget all about it. I've had one or two close calls before, scary.

[Stelli]

Jill,

you are good guy - relax. You already forgot it. Believe me. It will help you to forget the incident altoghether. What happened happened, if someone want's to open a can of worms in their head, OK, let him have it. And if he starts speaking about it ask questions as much as he can imagine... It will just tell you who is by you and who's not.

But do not bother to go inquisitive furthermore in your head. There is thousands of exuses, some mentioned here that can be told later. You've been schocked but who won't if this is in case. For you the problem is big for them it is maybe a question that they may not even ask themselves or they even forgot.

I promise to you, if it feels better, to tell you about my most recent - this summer - comming out, maybe it will be there something to you too. Need some time to write it but it is comming.

[HillaryArtemis]

Jill, call me crazy, but I don't know any three men I would want to live with anyway. Not only can't you express yourself, the talk is usually boring andif they are are anything like the men, that I lived with at times - they are very messy and usually loud and noisey. And to think that you probably didn't choose them anyway - probably makes it more likely that at least two of three would be no fun to live with. Now don't get me wrong I can swear, drink, cuss and talk sports with the best of them, but for GOD SAKES - I don't like to do this twenty-four seven. Don't get me worng actually I like to cuss and talk sports - sorry drinking turns me off - I got too much to lose.


My advice is, stay silent and quiet, and then try and find a better living situation. Sorry, I can't give better advice.
JodiArtemis

[Collette]

Jill, which ever way it goes, I will be thinking of you!! Collette

[Stelli]

Jill, call me crazy, but I don't know any three men I would want to live with anyway. Not only can't you express yourself, the talk is usually boring andif they are are anything like the men, that I lived with at times - they are very messy and usually loud and noisey. And to think that you probably didn't choose them anyway - probably makes it more likely that at least two of three would be no fun to live with. Now don't get me wrong I can swear, drink, cuss and talk sports with the best of them, but for GOD SAKES - I don't like to do this twenty-four seven. Don't get me worng actually I like to cuss and talk sports - sorry drinking turns me off - I got too much to lose.


My advice is, stay silent and quiet, and then try and find a better living situation. Sorry, I can't give better advice.
JodiArtemis

With all respect I find both men and girls messy - no difference. There are neat and messy people but that does not depend on sex nor on gender. About being loud, no less, seen some loud girls, including my step-daughter, again, it doesnot apply, these stands are myths.

Also being boring or interesting - applies to people not to gender or sex.

I hope Jill is OK by now.

Jill ?

[BrendaBruce]

If your roomies thought you were a "stud" or a "ladies man" (rather than a ladyman :p ) in the first place, they would have remarked something like, "Hey buddy, who left their heels under your bed, you tiger you!?!" (well, okay, I'm not a dude, so I'm not too good at "guy talk" :confused: , but you get what I mean). The fact that nothing along those lines were spoken would suggest the might suspect you of being "something" of a different sort, already (or as my friend & family said when I came out, "I thought you were gay or something....tunrs out it was "something"...lol :p ) But don't sweat it, guys are real good at denying stuff that makes them uneasy. Besides, from what you show in your pic, you don't look half bad in your drag, I'm sure the other half is just as cute. Trust me, being out is WAY easier and far less stressfull than being closeted. That might not seem the case from where your at, but look at all the post from those who are out.

[Jill]

I really really appreciate all the support and love that I got from everyone here. It was just over a week ago since the incident, that was one of the loneliest days of my life cause there wasn't really anyone that I could talk to about it. I just wanted someone to confide in. But all of you have been so much help. It appears that it has just blown over, everyone is acting normal and treating me the way that they always did prior too it. I hope it stays that way and we don't have anymore incidents. Thanks again everyone!

[PaulaJeanette]

Good news Jill. Your experience once again validates the need for support groups. We're here whenever you need us.

Paula J.

[kristi cd]

Jill, that's great to hear. You should probably still be cautious about where you things are just to make sure there aren't any reasons for them to bring it up again. ;) :D