Confused...

[julie08]

So ladies, I need some advice. All I think about is dressing like a girl. Really, that's all I want to do. But usually when I dress, I don't get all the pleasure I feel I should get out of it.

I don't get to dress very often at all. I just came from being deployed in the Army for a year, and I didn't get to dress very often before that. When I did get to dress, I never got to fully dress, which is a big thing for me that I want to do. I've NEVER got to do the full makeover, and wig and stuff. When I do get to dress, it's usually only for a couple hours before the wife gets home.

What I'm wondering is if there are ladies out there that either don't get full satisfaction when they do dress or if my limited dressing could be leaving an overall empty feeling when I do dress.

Thanks ladies.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

It seems to me that you might have some issues/struggles with being yourself because you feel that who you are is not acceptable for some reason.

We are all products of our society. Like each of us, your mind has been filled with expectations, gender rules, socially accepted norms, etc.

I spent most of my life confused by my own cding. I'm not confused anymore though. I'm just a happy cd - one who learned how to love and accept myself.

I suggest you take a look at where you stand with your own personal feeling on who you are. Forget who you've been TAUGHT to be by everyone around you, and figure out who you are. If you start to run in to thoughts that you feel weird about - ask yourself why. I bet it's because of the social taboo involved in thinking or feeling a certain way.

Free your mind of all of that - just for a while. Just take a look at what you really want to do in terms of your cding. There are no rules. There are no taboo's - just you and your personal desires. You need not share them with anyone unless you're comfortable with that. But DO allow yourself to feel and think as you truly are.

I did a write up about this subject in my blog (http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/until-society-has-their-way-with-them) - you might find it to be an interesting read, if a long one. If you're short on time - just look for the bold text. That's it in a nutshell.

Don't over think things, Julie. :)

[sandra-leigh]

There are different ways that you might end up unhappy with your dressing. There are a lot of different experiences, some I will only describe the feelings I myself am most familiar with.

When I realized I was a cross-dresser, that I wanted to wear women's clothes, I started by going out, mostly shopping and on the bus, wearing women's clothes but with no makeup and no wig. The idea of going out "as a woman" was... "stimulating" (if you know what I mean), but the actual going out wasn't, not to me -- yes, there was a bit of a "rush" at my audacity, but it wasn't erotic when it was happening. I was out en femme in public within 3 weeks of realizing that I was a cross-dresser: the thought that I would like to actually wear the clothes was continued (in the same thought) by "in public", so for me there was never a period of closet dressing building up to "Do I or don't I dare (go out in public)".

So for me, the idea of dressing was "exciting" and the practice of it was not (well, I don't remember the first two or three outings, maybe they were a bit "exciting" too, but it if so it didn't take very long before that wasn't the case.)

Shopping... in particular, trying things on... especially in the earlier days that was sometimes "stimulating" (and even now, 4 years later, there are still occasions when I am trying something on and a glance down and realize that I'm having a reaction that I wasn't even conscious of.) But when you are trying something on, if it is something different, especially something further out of your normal range and more femme, then you are mentally picturing yourself wearing it, so again this becomes a case of the idea, the mental picture of yourself as a woman, or as "beautiful" or "cute" or whatever -- and since "erotic" is mostly what is in your mind, it isn't surprising if the mental images of what will (might) have a much stronger effect than the practice.

For some people, the fact that the practice of going out dressed is not as erotic as the idea of it, could prove to be a substantial let-down. It doesn't bother me, though: if I am going out en femme dressed "nicely" (but not deliberately dressing sexily), then the time spent dressed and interacting with people just feels right -- calming, comfortable, as if I'm dressing the way that I should dress. Other people have remarked that when I'm dressed, I smile a lot more and look happier; certainly I've noticed that when I'm dressed (or even just out in drab openly cross-shopping) that I talk to people more, that I'm more socialable. It is time that isn't sexual, but it is time when I feel happier.

This transition, from cross-dressing being erotic while it is happening, to cross-dressing being a source (or at least outlet) for peace and contentment, has also been reported by a fair number of other forum members: it is fairly common, and most members don't mind at all -- especially if they reserve "naughty" dressing for special occasions. Though I have had a couple of people remark that they'd kind of like to recapture those early days where everything about cross-dressing was new and exciting... One could compare that to wanting to get back to the feeling of "falling in love".

If you are expecting that cross-dressing will always give you a "high" like it used to, then you have two basic choices: learn to accept the comfortable happy times that it does bring (to many people) -- or like a drug-user, go for continually more "daring" cross-dressing in an attempt to keep up the excitement. The latter method is likely to ultimately fail, though, and it has the risk of you having made a fool of yourself in the meanwhile :(


I don't want to give you the wrong impression: for a non-trivial number of people on this forum, cross-dressing is about excitement and eroticism and they plan their wardrobes and outings about that. For some of those people, that involves attempting to simulate being a woman as much as possible, so as to "flirt with" or "fool" men -- e.g., dirty dancing. If that's the sort of thing you want, I don't happen to be able to be of assistance... I'm just not myself in that head-space.


When I first got my wigs and forms, there were a couple of times when I got all dolled up, full make-up and so on, and went out to clubs believing, needing to believe, that people would think I was a woman and would find me sexy and attractive, simultaneously wanting people to "hit" on me -- and afraid that they would, because then what I do? It was a brief phase during which it was important to me to express the idea publicly that I was a "sexual being" (that is, that others would see and understand and react to me as such... as a guy, especially with the {intellectual} work I was doing, I was a public sexual non-entity. That phase passed for me in relatively short order, and I find these days that for me it is not important to get the walk just right and to get a femme voice and so on; the niche that has been working out for me is the "transgendered person". mixing male and female characteristics. I'm "read" all the time, and people around here are anywhere from tolerant to amused or pleased. For some people, to get "read" even once in a night ruins the night for them; me, I've just learned to accept it. But if you are in the camp of "needing" to be seen as pure female by everyone, and you end up in a situation like mine where often people who have seen you once in drab routinely immediately recognize you when you are fully dressed, then that could be rather a let-down.

[shannonsilk]

Thank you Tess and Gabrielle for those insightful posts. I suspect that You spent quite a bit of time getting those thoughts out.
Putting on female clothes and going out is sometimes, for me, like going to the grocery store and buying food. It is just something that has to be done. I wonder why I want to do it and then I wonder why I did it, but I have to.
There is no special feeling that comes over---well, a little adrenaline rush (haha).

[Karren H]

I'm totally satisfied......... with my life, independent of the clothing I wear!!

[alexmusic]

I can relate as well, I’ve recently made some strides in my CD’ing. Last Wednesday I left work early, went shopping and came home and got all dolled up and as usual there is a buildup of excitement before and during the transition but once I was done and I looked at myself in the mirror I got really sad because although I love the way I looked and felt I had nowhere to go and am still pretty scared of leaving the house en fem, I’ve done it a couple of times partially en fem but never 100%.

Since then I’ve been feeling pretty down and have been in drab ever since just not motivated to CD at all even though I love it so just because it is sooooo lonely.

I guess what I am saying is that for me the unfulfilling part of it now days is the loneliness, the arousal although it still present is no longer the driving factor in the excitement but what makes it soooo unfulfilling it is not having others to share this with, although this forum has been great what I am looking for is the face to face interaction.

I find myself still dealing with the shame that was taught to me regarding CD’ing and that shame feeds the loneliness which in turn drives down my desire to CD and in the end is not only that CD’ing is not as exciting but life in general because in the end it soooooo hard to be myself.

All I can say is hang in there we all go thorough stages and it is how we come out of these that matter.

[Kate Simmons]

Not sure what you mean Hon but my self identification has everything to do with who I am as a person and nothing to do with the clothing I decide to wear.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

It will become more satisfying with time

JoAnne Wheeler